#cuteometer: 2

[eddiebinge]

@eddiebinge reviews: Sherlock Holmes and Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows (2009 & 2011)

Eddie plays: Inspector Lestrade (IMDb link 1 & 2)

Unless you’ve lived under a rock most of your life, you’ll know of Sherlock Holmes. For those who’ve been under said rock: Holmes, the invention of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, is a highly intelligent private detective. Originally appearing in print, many adaptations of the original stories have popped up over the years. Guy Ritchie’s film adaptations, Sherlock Holmes and Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows, both of which we’re reviewing here, are two of the best in our opinion. 

You know the story. You know the dynamic duo of Holmes and Watson. You’re probably already aware how wonderful Robert Downey Junior is as Holmes and Jude Law as Watson. Bearing that in mind, this review is all about Eddie’s character, Inspector Lestrade, and how handsome wonderful he is. Sorry about that. We’re not sorry.

Ritchie’s Lestrade isn’t the bumbling fool from the original stories. Instead, he’s a stern, competent figure who doesn’t shy from booting criminals in the face or kicking his way into buildings. While appreciative of Holmes’ brilliance, Lestrade’s sarcastic back-and-forth with the detective clarifies he isn’t his biggest fan. Over several encounters in Sherlock Holmes, in which Lestrade gives Holmes access to crime scenes, bails him out of jail, and violently arrests him, the pair’s relationship grows from one of mere toleration to reluctant alliance. This unlikely friendship continues into A Game of Shadows, despite Lestrade being onscreen for barely a minute.

The best thing about Ritchie’s Lestrade, however, is that Eddie plays him. A born and bred East Ender, Eddie lends the inspector a blend of subtle charm and brusque straightforwardness. As fans of the Sherlock Holmes stories, we love Lestrade’s confidence in these films and consider this our favourite interpretation of the character. As the films are period pieces, Eddie also wears some 👌👌👌 costumes and looks pretty darn excellent.

Go watch these films if you haven’t already. They’re ace!

Favourite moment:

From Sherlock Holmes, we’ve chosen this adorable (somewhat bumbling!) little exchange:

From A Game of Shadows, our favourite moment is... Eddie’s appearance!

(He doesn’t get his tea 🙁)

Mr Ritchie, you need to hurry up and make the third film and ensure there’s LOTS of Lestrade in it! Thanks.

Cuteometer rating: [2]

We were considering setting fire to the cuteometer for this one because Eddie looks HOT as Lestrade! (Sorry to objectify you Eddie, but you do.) Below, in the bingo section, we can’t tick the “Take your top off” square but we don’t care -- Eddie takes hit HAT off in these films and that’s even better! Seriously, this is Eddie’s best hair ever and it’s a great shame it’s hidden beneath a hat most of the time. 

While we’re here, we’d like to take a moment to complain about the lack of an Inspector Lestrade poster for the second film. Almost every other character had one, even Gladstone (the DOG!) and Lestrade didn’t. Unacceptable. Hollywood, take note.

Bingo score: [2/9]

☑ Cops & Robbers ☑ Fisty-cuffs

We couldn’t have “One scene cameo” for A Game of Shadows because --blink and you’ll miss him-- Lestrade also appears at Sherlock’s funeral (looking almost as sad as Watson, might we add). Despite one of his only lines in the film being a request for a cup of tea, he didn’t get one so we can’t award “A nice cuppa” either :-(

Our rating:  ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

These are must-watch films, even if A Game of Shadows is seriously lacking in Eddie. The performances, cinematography, costume and set design, soundtrack and special effects are top notch. Give them a try!

Where to watch: Amazon (DVD) | Amazon (Blu-ray)  (Buy the Blu-ray. You NEED to see Lestrade in the highest definition humanly possible.)

[eddiebinge]

@eddiebinge reviews: Janice Beard (1999)

Eddie plays: Mr Tense (IMDb link)

Janice Beard is the wacky tale of a young Scottish woman venturing to London. The reason for Janice’s relocation is to raise money for treatment for her mother, who suffers from agoraphobia. Janice likes to make up wild tales of fake travels, has conversations with herself and films little updates on VHS (remember those!) to send home to Ma. 

After a few months in the city, Janice is seen to be scraping by; she’s behind on rent and has no work prospects or savings in the bank for poor old mum. Astoundingly, she bumps into a childhood friend in a pub (yes, in London!) who offers her a job. The job is at a car company and they’re counting down the days until their latest car launch. It is here Janice is introduced to and falls for “hunky” Sean (Rhys Ifans), later revealed to be an industry spy. She also meets Mr Tense (Eddie), one of the inventors of the new car. Tense is a nervous character well suited to his name. He worries about paperwork and procedure and has a very short fuse. When it is revealed that Sean has passed secret design files to a rival company, Tense almost has a breakdown! 

Although Janice Beard is trying to be a quirky comedy, with that strange post-production glow you only see in late 90s indie films, it lacks genuine heart and what could have been a funny and interesting story line is let down by poor writing. It wasn’t awfully unpleasant but it’s safe to say it won’t stick in our memories. However, it was a joy to see a young, bespectacled Eddie in a three-piece, we just wish he had more screen time! 

Favourite moment:

At one point Tense gets so upset over the plans for his car being stolen he tries to strangle himself with a telephone cord. His colleagues talk him out of it.

Cuteometer rating: [2]

Although Tense threatens to kill Sean for stealing his plans, he’s fairly harmless. His adorably thick glasses also added to his score for sure.

Bingo score: [1/9]

☑ Fisty-cuffs

Tense doesn’t want to miss the opportunity of getting his own back on Sean:

Our rating:  ★

Where to watch: Amazon (DVD)

[eddiebinge]

@eddiebinge reviews: Mad Cows (1999)

Eddie plays: Constable (IMDb link)

In Mad Cows, new mother Maddy (Anna Friel) is caught putting a bag of frozen peas down her bra (to cool her sore breasts) in a London shop. After being arrested for theft she is questioned by two police constables, one of whom is Eddie!

During the questioning Constable Eddie eats (and licks) some ready salted crisps and seems more interested in them than Maddy. When a detective arrives for further questioning, Eddie fetches him a chair and proceeds to stand in the corner with his arms folded for the rest of the scene.

Favourite moment:

The unexplainable crisp licking

Cuteometer rating: [2]

Constable Eddie was spooked by plastic cups being thrown about and eager to assist the detective on the case. Oh and he looked absolutely adorable in a policeman’s uniform. 

Bingo score: [2/9]

☑ Cops & Robbers ☑ One scene cameo

Our rating:  ★ 

As Eddie wasn’t in any other scenes we didn’t watch the film but if the 4/10 IMDb rating is anything to go by we’re glad of a lucky escape!

Where to watch: Amazon (DVD)

[eddiebinge]

@eddiebinge reviews: Empire State (1987)

Eddie plays: Uncredited clubber (IMDb link)

Empire State is a rare 80s film about a nightclub of the same name in which some dodgy stuff goes down. Actually, that’s a bit of a guess - we’ve only seen a VHS-rip of the film dubbed in Spanish; it could be about anything. All we cared about was finding Eddie, an uncredited extra frequenting the nightclub. 

We found him in two scenes. In one he’s dancing on the crowded dance floor (see above) and the other he’s barely visible in the background of the bar (see below.) We feel very accomplished in finding him. 

..You know you’ve got it bad when you’re searching for milliseconds of your fave actor in an obscure low-quality version of a film dubbed in Spanish.

Favourite moment:

Searching for Eddie

Finding Eddie

Guessing at what people were saying in Spanish

Cuteometer rating: [2]

Eddie would have been about 18/19 when this was filmed and my goodness he’s tiddly. He’s come such a long way since and we’re so proud! 

Bingo score: [0/9]

Literally nothing. We can’t even give this one “one scene cameo” because he was in two scenes! Appalling. 

Our rating:  ★ 

Even though we had no idea what was going on it looked awful.

Where to watch: YouTube link (Spanish dub) | Not available on DVD