KEEP THOSE MOTORS RUNNIN’
Now, you all know it’s my not-so-solemn duty to satisfy your sweet-tooth and as we all know, it’s been a bit quieter in our post-brat-baby world. But don’t you worry, they haven’t strayed too far, and you know us tumbleweeds keep on rollin’, and the engines were certainly roarin’ this winter. Gotta keep warm somehow, not that we need it — or an excuse to keep the, uh, dirt flowin’. One idiot even splattered his guts all over Moxxie’s skull, which might as well be considered the scummiest desecration we’ve seen in years, because if you’ve seen the artwork on that place, you know vomit is worthy of limb removal. And my sweets, you know me, I’m a pacifist, so that’s sayin’ somethin’.
Course, a congratulations to two of our most admired sugarplums; I’ll decorate your posters with my favorite glitter spray and I know Cherri Cola’s been dyin’ to leave a smooch on one in particular. Especially since neither of us could celebrate in person. Big shot Cheap Shot was the only one to take the stage and so if you were lookin’ for a blast from the past, dig up his archives, not mine. It’s okay. I’m not cryin’. That man wears dust better than all of us.
Speaking of events, isn’t that why we’re all here? The juicy stuff! The highs that let you forget the lows. So keep your radios tuned and those ears to the ground because a little mouse — or more; popularity’s a bitch — told me there might be quite the blow out this summer. Seeing how there’s been a serious lack of the frivolous dramatics I enjoy, here’s hopin’ you maniacs give me somethin’ good to chew on. So far all we’ve seen are yawn worthy gallery openings and… oh wait! How could I forget? A bassist we all know, from a band I don’t need to name — Low Rhythm Static — might’ve been seen pants down with a certain someone who isn’t his famed favorite. If what we see is to be believed, I’m sure she’ll be claws out and ready to give us a blo-show of a lifetime. Ticket sales to be determined.
Alright, I’m bored. You’ve been boring. It can’t be guns and bombs all the time! So let’s turn it around, motor babies. Gimme my sugar fix and I promise I’ll tie it up real pretty for ya. In the meantime, I’m too pretty to stay sittin’ here.
Cyber Candy, signing off.
