#cynical optimism

[viraliven]

Some call it composure. I call it advanced-level cynicism.

[joker-of-gotham]

What would be the term for a cynical optimist? Because that’s my outlook on life. It’s not “realist”; I’m pretty sure of that. (But I am that, too.)

[seakittea]

Attitude is the difference between an ordeal and an adventure.

Or else fake it till you make it.

[subliminalsilence13]

One flew east, one flew west...

One flew over the cuckoo's nest. 

So... things are beginning to settle. Shit's still going awry, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. That, or I'm just getting used to the karmic abuse. 

The brakes on the car went out, essentially. It's reparable, given time, and it can be humped along, but there's a problem. The temp is right to do repairs. 40-50 all week, but there's still (as I was out breaking up some of the ice on the path to the front door, I eyeballed it) 4+ inches of snow and shit, and it's melting and without a garage (long story), it'd be ugly and stupid to do until the snow is gone and the ground has been able to dry... except tomorrow, it's raining and come Monday, it'll be back into the below-freezing shit shit shit. 

It's grating. But, a new car may be on the horizon around the first of April, or at least more-serious looking. A real proper new car. I'm hoping, but not holding my breath. Honestly, it'll be nice to have something truly dependable and reliable and solid. 

I have no issue with the blazer, but the shit I've had to deal with this winter and it misbehaving, I'm burnt out. Actually, the world started crumbling back in December - the day I put the starter on it was the day that I had to take father to the hospital for a weekend vacation... and since then, it truly has been one thing after another. The end of December to the middle of February of high-stress bullshit... 

I'll be honest - I'm surprised I'm handling this as well as I have been. With all this and the darkness/SAD shit (compounded by the aforementioned shit... which I'm not even going to get into right now, all of it)... I'm amazed and surprised that I've been able to keep my head up. 

Sure... my temper has been on a slow boil for the last 6 weeks, but still... I'm kicking and keeping as positive as humanly possible with it. 

Sometimes, though - that's all we can ask for. Nothing is perfect, nor should we ever expect it to be. Life isn't fair. But you know what? Yeah, I've done my share of bitching and moaning and raging about all of the shit - but, it could have been worse.

It could always be worse, and I'm lucky to have it as good as I do. 

Yeah it sucks, but it could be worse. 

That's me, the cynical optimist. 

Though, at times, it's taken a long hard look to see how it could be any worse (when I was juggling 6 different issues [frozen/broken pipes, dad's well-being, the car, the significant other, etc.....]), but I was able to find it. Sick, maybe... but it keeps my head above water. Unfortunately, I never learned how to swim. 

No really... dunno how to swim. Not really. As long as it's short-distance where I can just hold my breath, I'm alright. The paddling and kicking thing I can do, it's just that turning my head to the side to breathe while swimming twists everything up and I get off sync and flounder... 

Right so... I don't know. Things should start simmering here soon, and then I can start writing again (providing the freezing-glitch with 8.1 resolves itself... which scares me, 'cause if I lose things I'm fucked. Basically, I'm shit at saving anything until I'm done...) and from there, I can start breathing again. 

In.... out. In.... out. 

Breathe. 

Just let go. 

[agustdeezkneez]

Trust me, I’m not this self-deprecating in real life.

I’m more optimistic than you think but my blog is my place to talk about my own concerns and values and insecurities. I’m not writing for anyone in particular. I’m writing for myself as a reminder so that in a few years, I can look back and see how far I’ve come.