KITCHEN NIGHTMARES, a. buttle
alfie and your daughter attempt to cook you breakfast in bed, but they’re both a hot mess in the kitchen.
content/warnings: fluff, dad!ab, mention of stomach bug (no description), alfie being atrocious at cooking (shock!), suggestive joke right at the end
notes: the people asked and they shall receive… more dad!ab is here! love y’all!! <3
THE SUN HAD JUST STARTED TO PEAK THROUGH THE CURTAINS WHEN ALFIE BLINKED AWAKE. For a moment, he just lay there, watching you sleeping peacefully beside him. You breathed softly, getting some much needed rest after a very long week.
You had had a lot on your plate the past week. Alfie had been off on a trip for YoungLA, leaving you home with your two year-old, Willa. Normally, you would be fine handling Willa on your own, but the day that Alfie left Willa had gotten a stomach bug.
Willa was sick for days, and caring for her had left you drained. She was feeling better now, but all of her unspent energy from when she was ill had caught up to her, and now she was barely sleeping through the night. Which is why Alfie heard the low muttering of her talking to herself in her room through the baby monitor.
He slipped out of bed slowly, careful not to wake you as he bent down and pressed a soft kiss to your temple. He padded out of your shared room and toward Willa’s, rubbing his eyes of sleep.
The second Willa saw him, her eyes lit up. She lifted her arms up toward him from where she sat up in her cot. "Daddy!"
"Morning, bug," Alfie whispered, wrapping Willa into an embrace. He picked her up and held her at his hip. She rubbed her eyes as he stepped out into the sunlit hallway and headed downstairs.
"Where Mummy at?" Willa asked, resting her little head against Alfie’s chest as they entered the kitchen. She was always so sleepy, but she still insisted on waking up in the early hours of the morning for some reason.
"She’s asleep." Alfie sat Willa on the counter as he began getting things they’d need from the cupboard. He pulled out a big mixing bowl and put it beside Willa on the counter. "We’re gonna surprise her with some breakfast. Does that sound good?"
"Yeah!" Willa called, immediately trying to grab the bowl Alfie had just sat down. "Pancake?"
Alfie smiled down at his daughter, tucking a strand of her messy hair behind her ear. He leaned down and pressed a small kiss to her forehead. "Of course pancakes, Willa. Mummy's favorite."
They didn't even last ten minutes.
The kitchen was a complete disaster. They had used approximately 30 different bowls, flour was scattered across every surface imaginable, and somehow batter had ended up in both Alfie's and Willa's hair.
"Right, bug. It's time for us to—" Alfie turned around to see Willa stealing blueberries with a mischievous look on her face, thinking Alfie couldn't see. He pointed the wooden spoon he'd been using for the batter at her. "Oi! Put those down!"
Willa froze with a handful of blueberries incriminating her. Without even batting an eye, she ate the rest. Then she laughed in Alfie's face like a true daddy's girl who knows her dad won't yell at her for it.
Alfie just sighed, then scooped Willa up and brought her over to the stove. "We've gotta start cooking these, bug. Before your mum wakes up."
She nodded like she had a mission now. "'Kay!"
Alfie touched the pan lightly to see if it was hot enough and hissed as it burned to the touch. "Fuck!"
Willa looked at Alfie with a mischievous glint in her eye. She opened her mouth to repeat Alfie, but he spoke up before she could. "Do not repeat that! Your mother will kill me..."
"Kill?" Willa asked, turning her head to the side out of curiosity. Alfie just dropped his head, accepting defeat that he had taught your daughter some new vocabulary words this morning.
Willa watched with an excited grin as Alfie got the bowl of batter and poured out the first pancake. It was going great. Until he flipped it and it fell apart completely. The next one looked promising, however.
"Now we're cooking, Will!" Alfie ruffles your daughter's hair before turning around to grab a plate for the pancakes. He was not even turned around for five seconds when he smelled something burning.
He turned around quickly, running over to the stove and pulling the pancake out of the pan. It had somehow transformed into a hockey puck in the five seconds he was across the kitchen.
Smoke curled up from the stove and toward the ceiling, and Willa pointed to it and laughed like the menace she was.
Then the smoke alarm started up with a loud: BEEP, BEEP, BEEP.
"No, no!" Alfie yelled as Willa continued laughing. He lunged into action, grabbing a tea towel and waving it frantically at the smoke. He cracked the windows in the kitchen as well, then grabbed the smoke detector and pulled the batteries out. He grabbed Willa from the counter and sat down on the kitchen floor, catching his breath.
"Fuck," Willa giggled, looking up at Alfie. He couldn't even be mad at your daughter for swearing, because she used it in the perfect context.
"Yeah," Alfie said, rubbing his brow. "Fuck."
Upstairs, you jump awake at the sound of chaos downstairs. You basically fall out of bed, leaving your room and heading down to where the noise was coming from.
You take in the state of the kitchen. Alfie and Willa must have used the whole bag of flour, judging by how much of it was throughout the room. The smoke detector that had woken you a few seconds before was on the counter with the batteries taken out.
And on the floor, right in the middle of the kitchen, was Alfie and your daughter Willa. He looked out of breath, clutching a tea towel for some reason. Beside him, Willa just grinned.
"Mummy!" she smiled and jumped up, arms out for a hug. You reach down and scoop her up. “We make pancakes!"
"Really?" you ask, raising an eyebrow at Alfie. "Where… are they?"
Alfie shakes his head, standing up from the ground. "I’m sorry, love. We wanted to do something nice for you. But we’re just so shit at cooking and we kinda fucked it. I’m sorry."
Your chest tightened as you looked between your beaming daughter in your arms and your doting boyfriend in front of you. Your eyes watered slightly as you thought about how lucky you are for your little family. Even if they can’t cook for shit.
"That is very sweet, Alfie," you said, putting Willa down.
A faint pink rose to Alfie’s cheeks as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah?"
"Yeah," you said, wrapping your arms around his waist. You kissed him slowly, tasting the pancake batter on his lips. 
On the floor behind you, Willa dropped a metal bowl with a loud clang. "Fuck!"
You had never pulled back from Alfie quicker. Your eyes were open wide at him, but he avoided eye contact. You turned slowly toward Willa.
"Willa." you picked her up and propped her on your hip. She practically melted into your side. "You can’t say that word, baby."
"Daddy says it!" Willa said, pointing to a very guilty looking Alfie.
You narrowed your eyes at Alfie. "Well, daddy’s gonna be in big trouble for saying that."
Alfie just grinned that wicked grin he had when he was saying something inappropriate. "Guess you’re gonna have to punish me then."
You just rolled your eyes and pressed a kiss to Alfie’s cheeks. "Later."