summary: seeing alfie for the first time since your breakup would have to have happened at some point, but it just had to fall on your sisters wedding day.
HERE YOU were, sat in the backseat of a car next to your sister holding a bouquet of flowers pulling up to the large wedding venue. Only it wasn’t your wedding it was Sabinas and Chips. Once upon a time it could’ve of been yours but that dream seemed impossible right now. But nonetheless you were here to support and celebrate your elder sister, that was it.
“You ready?” you turned to Sabina who was beaming at you.
“I’m so proud of you,” you said taking her hand in your own as she squeezed back as a thank you.
“Let’s do this before he changes his mind,” Sabina joked trying to lighten the mood. She knew you were worried about today, not the wedding but that someone was going to be there.
You both exit the car, walking towards the large entrance of the venue. As you enter the ceremony room, Sabina slightly behind, all eyes turn towards you. You felt his eyes on you, your chest feeling numb. Even after all this time, he still stood out in a room of people to you.
The walk down the aisle felt like years but it was all worth it when you watched your sister appear around the corner. Chips eyes lit up as the love of his life made her way towards him, the pair of them smiling shyly at each other. You noticed a small tear fall down his cheek that he would very much deny later.
You took the opportunity to look around the room, looking at the people who had been invited to this special day. You were caught off guard as those same eyes before were looking straight at you.
A small smile was sent your way as his cheeks blushed at being caught staring at you, you simply smiled back turning back towards the couple.
On the outside you were attempting to be as calm as possible, this was your sister’s wedding day after all, but on the inside all you could feel was that pit in your stomach. You tried to ignore it as your sister passed you her flowers and you took your spot next to her. Alfie Buttle wasn’t going to ruin this day for you.
They exchanged their vows, their love radiated across everyone in the room. Your heart swelled with pride for the couple in-front of you as tears threatened to spill from your eyes.
The rest of the ceremony went by quickly, Sabina and Chip were now married. As they both left to have their pictures taken, you were left with their friends. You got along well with them from your time with Alfie.
“Hey babe!” Flo exclaimed rushing over to hug you tightly, “You look as beautiful as ever,”
You thanked her, complimenting her back before the rest of the girls rushed over to say hello. You were slightly overwhelmed at all the faces and questions around you as you tried to smile at everyone.
Liv and Bach approached, both giving you hugs as they talked to you about the wedding.
“It’s beautiful isn’t it,” you chatted with them both before you saw Alfie out of the corner of your eye getting closer, “I’m so sorry, I’ve got to go, maid of honour duties! I’ll come find you guys later,”
You quickly exited the space, needing to be as far away from him as possible. You found your best friend by the door, “Oh my god I think I’m going to be sick,” you held your stomach, “I don’t know why I thought I would be okay with seeing him again,”
“You’re okay you didn’t even speak to him,” your best friend comforted you making you take deep breaths.
“I think if I did I would’ve thrown up,” You sighed wiping the sweat from your forehead.
“It’s fine just talk to the others and stay away from him, you’re gonna be alright,” her best friend replied grabbing your hand in comfort.
You nodded, turning towards the crowd your eyes finding Alfie. He stayed quiet in the conversation, his hands fidgeting with his cuff. He wore the same suit he always did, except this time he had a different tie.
“Oi!” your best friend squealed, “No talking about him, thinking about him or looking at him ok?”
Slowly but surely the guests made their way into the reception room. You were sat at the head table and lucky for you the table of all the couples youtuber friends was directly in front.
Your eyes didn’t falter for a second, keeping your gaze on your meal and whoever sat at your table was talking, your eyes never straying towards Alfie.
Soon it was time for the speeches as Chip coughed into the microphone trying to get everyone’s attention, “Hi everyone, thank you for coming today,” he started, “Me and Sabina aren’t looking to cry in front of you guys anymore today so we’re going to let Y/n do it!”
You stood up laughing at the comment taking the microphone from Chip, “Hi everyone, for those of you who don’t know me, I am the maid of honour and the little sister of the bride. This speech is one of the hardest and easiest things I’ve ever had to write in my life. It is the hardest, as writing about my sister and keeping it to 5 minutes is almost impossible, so much to Joshes dismay this speech is much longer than that,” you giggled as Chip rolled his eyes and the crowd of people laughed.
“But it is also the easiest, as writing about my incredible sister and how awesome she is comes easy to me,” you paused looking around the crowd, “When people ask me to describe Sabina I say she’s like me but way better. But really there is no one else in the world like her. Over the years we have argued and fought about anything and everything, but truly I don’t think there’s anyone in this world who understands me as much as she does,” you paused wiping your eyes.
“I believe that I am the person I am today because I grew up with her. Every lesson and story she has shared with me has shaped parts about me. She has held me through the hard times and laughed with me through the good times and I am eternally grateful that she is my big sister,” you smiled over at Sabina as she wiped under her eyes. “When she met Josh, something changed about her, at the time I didn’t know what it was, but now I think I do. She found someone who she could be completely herself around. She is truly marrying her best friend which is so important. She is marrying someone who will hold her through the best and worst times and somehow makes the toughest times slightly easier.” you turned to Chip giving him a small wink.
“That’s all anyone can ask for in life, and you two have found it. Your love is something special, a love where you can feel vulnerable and safe, a love where you can be authentically yourself and where you can be loved for exactly that. I used to dream about what my wedding would look like, but now all I want is to have the love that you two share,” you looked up meeting Alfie’s eyes, you both knew what you were alluding to, how you always imagined your wedding with him.
“Over the years Sabina has tried to teach me many things, but this might be the first one that I actually listen to and take onboard. That when you find your someone you never let them go. If you meet someone who is your safe space you should never give up on them,” you continued as Alfie swallowed, the words hitting him close to home. He watched as you inhaled slightly your hands shaking as you held the paper in front of you.
“Ooh sorry emotional day,” you sighed making everyone laugh, “When Sabina first talked about Josh to me, I knew that one day I would be stood here talking about them together. I didn’t like to think about it, because it meant that I wouldn’t ever be able to run into Sabinas room down the hall and annoy her anymore. But now that we are here today not only has Sabina gained a husband, I have gained a big brother to annoy and make buy me things,” she joked smiling through the tears. “No but seriously Josh I hope you have as much fun growing old with her as I did growing up with her. To Sabina and Josh,” you held up your glass as the guests clinked their glasses together.
As you sat down Sabina grabbed your hand, “That was perfect,”
“Yeah thank you Y/n/n that was perfect,” Chip chuckled giving you a wink.
Once the rest of the speeches wrapped up you whispered into your sisters ear, “I’m just going to get some air,”
“Do you want me to come with?” Sabina whispered back but you shook your head getting up and walking outside.
You found the gardens outside sitting down on one of the benches trying to calm yourself down. You needed to compose yourself before going back inside and avoiding Alfie for the rest of the night.
“Your speech was amazing, you always had a way with words,” a voice sounded from behind you, one you knew all too well.
You sucked in a breath, closing your eyes hoping he would leave you alone, “What do you want Alfie?”
He sat down next to you on the bench, not touching by still close, “I just wanted to see if you were okay,”
“That’s not your place to do anymore,” you scoffed looking up at him for the first time since he came over.
“I know but that doesn’t mean I don’t still care,” he sighed running his hands through his hair, “You almost made me cry with that speech,”
He knew it wasn’t his place to be talking to you like this, but he missed you and he needed to talk to you.
“Thank you, must’ve been good if it got to you,” you responded trying to be friendly with him.
The wind blew against the both of you, causing your hair to fly around your face. A silence fell between the two of you, but Alfie couldn’t bear the conversation ending, “How’s the new place?”
“It’s good,” you replied bluntly, “Bit far from everyone else but it works,”
He nodded, “And your job?”
“Ok Alfie enough with the 50 questions what do you want?” she snapped at him the tension between them getting to her.
“I miss you,” he sighed looking at her intensely.
“Alfie….” she sighed, “Don’t.”
“What? I’m not allowed to miss you,” he became defensive, expecting you to say it back.
“I didn’t say that, just stop,” you pleaded with him turning away from him.
He stopped with the defences softening his voice trying to make you understand, “We were together for 2 years, I miss you everyday,”
You understood perfectly, your lip hurting from how much you had bit down on it, “Alfie, please don’t do this,” you sighed shaking your head at him.
“Don’t do what? Tell you how I feel?” he expressed visibly upset.
“Alf—” she started before he cut her off, “I’ve missed you every day since that night, since you left the grotto with all of your stuff,”
“Well I missed you for a lot longer than that,” you spoke up.
“What do you mean?” he asked confused.
“At least you’ve only had to miss me since our break up, I was missing you for months before that, you were around yeah but around everyone but me,” she raised her voice facing him properly, “So don’t start all this because you made it like this,”
“We were both busy,” Alfie sighed trying to explain himself but she cut him off.
“No I wasn’t busy. I wasn’t busy because I put my life on hold for you, so you could chase your big youtube dream,” she shook her head at him, “I held your hand through everything and you just didn’t care,”
“I did care, I was grateful to you,” he replied.
You were shocked that he had the nerve to say that, “Grateful? Are you actually messing with me? You basically ignored me for months, you were constantly off filming some video or on some trip,” she shouted at him, “ You never had any time for me ever,”
“You’re not being fair, you knew that my career was like that and you still encouraged me,” he dropped his head into his hands.
“I’m not being fair?” you scoffed, “Being not fair is making me sit at home alone, hoping that you would come home at a reasonable time and actually want to speak to me. What’s not fair is you getting a new flashy shiny new life and forgetting about me and then coming here and having the nerve to say you miss me?” you ranted at him.
By this point you were both stood up in each others faces as he sighed, “I’m so sorry Y/n/n,” he pulled you into a hug.
You fell into it for a moment letting yourself feel his arms around you again before pushing him away lightly, “ I don’t know why we’re talking about this now, I told you this all when we broke up,”
“No you didn’t,” he sighed, “If I would’ve known this I would’ve made it better,”
“I did Alf, I did, you just didn’t listen,” she sighed exasperated.
“I’m so sorry,” he shook his head as it fell in his hands.
“Ok just drop this, it’s Sabina’s and Josh’s day it’s not about us,” she spoke firmly standing up to walk away.
You left the garden, rushing to the bathroom hoping not to get stopped by anyone. You opened the door sighing when you found no one in there. You sat on the floor, staring at the wall for a moment before the door opened and in walked your best friend.
“I’ve never been more happy to see you,” you smiled up at her as she pulled you up.
She held a glass of champagne and a tissue, “Which one would you like first?”
You grabbed the glass downing it quickly before asking, “How did you know I was in here?”
“Alfie came and found me told me you needed someone,” she smiled guiltily.
You shook your head, your heart wrenching at the mention of his name. You checked your appearance in the mirror before making your way back into the reception. You sat back at your seat as Sabina leaned in, “ Are you okay?”
“All good,” you tried to reassure your sister moving the subject onto something else not wanting to worry her on her big day.
A little later on it was time for their first dance, everyone gathered as the pair danced together lovingly. You watched on, admiring your older sister, she looked insanely happy.
Alfie was across the room, his eyes unable to leave you. He thought for a moment about what you said, you were right this wasn’t about you two but maybe in another life it would’ve been.
