can y/n be married to Cal and he has a son from his first marriage, and like something happy happens? idk, the son like asks her to do something big and y/n is so excited
You admired the way that Calum was moving in the front yard, his body gleaming with sweat and his muscles contracted under his shirt. He was arranging a new flower bed, specifically because you had mentioned once that you loved the idea of having one, and building it himself in front of the house the two of you shared.
You finished washing some dishes from breakfast, when you spotted your step-son running over to Calum. He was a bonus of you marrying Calum, already nine years old and you loved him more than words could express. He had slowly warmed up to you while you had dated Calum, he was only three when the two of you first met.
His mother wasn’t in the picture, and it had left him wanting a relationship with you but he was still scared. Calum encouraged him every step of the way, allowing him to move at his own pace and for him to do what he wanted.
The two of them chatted for a minute, then both turned to look at you in the window and you smiled back at them. Calum handed him a daisy from the garden then nodded, and you watched your step-son run around the house to get in through the side door. He held the daisy out to you, which you gladly accepted and smelled it for a second, then leaned down closer to him.
“Would you want to go bowling with me to the mommy-son bowling?” He asked, rocking back and forth on his feet and you quietly gasped at the question. You immediately smiled as you nodded excitedly, and wrapped him into your arms and squeezed him tightly.
“Of course I would, oh - I’m so excited now!” You said, pulling away and kissed the tip of his nose and he giggled before running away into the living room. You hummed as you stood up and moved back to the window, and watched Calum carry his tools back into the garage then out into the backyard. You grabbed a glass of water and carried it out to him, and wrapped your arms around his back.
“Calum, baby guess what.” You said, and he smiled as he let his tools fall to the ground and turned in your arms to face you, but you didn’t even give him a chance to answer, “Oh, he asked me to go with him to the mommy-son thing,”
“I know baby,” He said, and you furrowed your brows but he chuckled, “He asked for permission just now in the yard before he could take you out on a date.”
You fake frowned at how cute that was, and hugged him tightly, despite him being sweaty from working all morning, but you fully embraced him.
“I’m so happy baby, I can’t even begin to tell you. He loves you so much, when you go home - you’re all he talks about. You’re so much better for him than she could have ever been.” He murmured, and you pulled back and cupped his cheeks as you saw his eyes begin to water, “I have so many words but all I can say is thank you for loving him the way that I do.”
“Always, Cal. He’s a part of your life, and you’re a part of my life, probably the most important part. Thank you for letting me be in his life. I know he had a hard time trusting women after everything she did, but I just love him so much. I’d do anything for him,” You said, and he leaned closer and kissed your forehead, humming gently as he held you.
“I love you,” You whispered, and he smiled as he tucked his head down and kissed your lips.
"So pretty." Nico said as she put some flowers on Alexis Ximena's hair.
"Thank you, girlie." Alexis Ximena said.
They were at Madison Square Park while Calum and the band did sound check. Aaliyah and Rory were gonna go but Rory had fallen asleep and didn't want to wake her up. Marina was doing a photoshoot and she took Max with her. Fiona wasn't up for going out so she stayed back at her hotel while Ethan stayed with Aaliyah.
Alexis Ximena checked the time and saw that it was almost time to head back to MSG, where 5sos was performing. She pulled out her phone and ordered Mcdonald's for her and Nico. She got Nico a happy meal and for her the mcnuggets meal and an oreo mcflurry. Alexis Ximena locked her phone and placed it in her backpack and helped Nico in her stroller.
It was about a ten minute walk from the park to the arena. Alexis Ximena picked up their food, it was across the street from the MSG. She flashed her and Nico's passes and they went backstage where they were.
Ethan and Max were watching Bluey whilst sharing a sleeve of Oreos and eating pizza. Nico got off her stroller and joined them. Alexis Ximena helped her food out for her.
The guys came back and Calum went over to greet Nico. He sponged a bunch of kisses all over her face. Then he reached for one of her nuggets and ate it. As he swallowed he realized the mistake he made.
Nico's bottom lip trembled and she pushed her food away. She got up and ran to Alexis Ximena, crying.
"Nico," Calum said, squatting down to her.
She buried her face in Alexis Ximena's chest and cried harder.
"Why would you do that? You know how she gets." Alexis Ximena scolded Calum.
"It slipped my mind." He mumbled.
"Here Nico." Ethan offered some of his Oreos.
"No!" She pushed him away. She doesn't like Oreos.
"I know you're upset I ate your chicken, but you don't push people, Nico." Calum said sternly.
Nico turned away and cried some more. Alexis Ximena rubbed her back. Nico eventually cried herself to sleep. She slept in Alexis Ximena's arms the rest of the evening and through the whole show. She woke up when Calum picked her up so he could change in her pajamas.
"Hi papi." She said groggily.
"Hey, let's get you in some jammers okay?" He said, carrying to the bathroom.
He helped her into her strawberry pajamas. Calum brushed her messy curls into a short braid.
"I'm sorry I ate a nugget." He told her as he tied the end of her braid.
"Is okay." Nico said, making grabby hands so he could carry her.
They went backstage and Nico went back to Alexis Ximena. The other kids had fallen sleep half-way into the concert so she was the only one awake.
"Hi bes, bes." She whispered to Rory as she slept soundly in her bassinet stroller.
She watched Calum pour himself a bowl of Oreo cereal. Surprisingly Nico was a fan of the cereal but not the cookies themselves. While Calum put the milk away, she went up to the counter and began eating some.
"Oi!" He exclaimed.
"Yummy." She said with her mouth full.
"Why are you eating this, you don't even like Oreos." He put his hands on his hips.
the hood family going to watch calum on a late night tv show like james corden or something and in the middle of the interview lil logan runs up to calum bc he wants to sit with him and it’s the cutest thing ever like logan has no idea what he’s doing he just wants to sit with his best friend and nobody can stop him🥺
Stop it, this is so cute. I was all pouty faced the entire time I wrote this, but Logan just is so in love with his daddy. 🥺
Enjoy!
It was chaotic outside of the dressing room. All of the crew members running around to try to make what was happening in front of the cameras look as smooth as possible. That’s why Caum had told Logan to stay with his mom no matter what. To be honest, Calum hadn’t even wanted his son to come along due to how easy it could be to get trampled or lost backstage at a TV show; but it’s hard when the little toddler threw an absolute fit when he tried dropping him off.
They had driven with the kids over to Luke and Sierra’s house, mainly to drop off the kids with Sierra, but also to pick up Luke since he hadn’t wanted to drive. Aiden went running into the house, no problem. It’s never a problem, being that he’s not-so-secretly in love with Sierra. Calum carried Logan into the house and attempted to put him down on the couch, but the toddler squeezed Calum’s neck even tighter, nearly choking him. “Logan, you need to stay here with Auntie Sierra and your brother. We’ll be back for you in a couple hours.”
That was what set him off. The screaming started and the tears started rolling. All Calum could understand through Logan’s hysterical screaming was that Calum was leaving him. As hard as Calum tried to explain that he would be back, Logan could not expect it. Even with Mama saying she would stay with him, he still thought Calum was leaving him. Calum and Mama made eye contact and silently agreed to take the toddler with them.
On the drive to the studio, Luke kept Logan occupied, the car filled with Luke’s laughter and Logan’s laughter. It was when they arrived that Calum picked Logan up out of his car seat and told him to hold onto him until they were in the dressing room. Logan tucked his face into Claum’s neck and Calum reached back to hold onto his wife’s hand, ensuring that no one got lost. Once they were in the dressing room, that was when everything fell into a normal calm.
They were given their 5 minute warning until they had to be ready to go on stage. Calum crouched down to be at Logan’s height, who was sitting on a chair, and this was when he gave him the speech. “Logan, you have to stay with mama no matter what, okay? There are lots of people here and they’re all bigger than you, you could get lost, or get hurt. Do you understand me?” Logan nodded while swinging his legs back and forth. “That’s my boy.” Calum smiled before leaning forward and pressing a kiss to Logan’s forehead.
Logan walked with his hand in his mom’s behind Calum and the rest of the guys. At some point, the guys were directed in one direction, and Logan and his mom were directed in another. One went to the stage, the other went to where they could see the stage, but off to the side. They were introduced and made their way to the stage, all four of them sitting on the couch next to the host who sat behind a desk. Calum sat on the end, Luke directly to his left, then Michael to his left, then Ashton to the next left, right next to the host.
The host asked them questions about their new album and what was coming up in the future for the band. There were of course questions of their personal lives, the ones Calum disliked the most to answer. Calum leaned his head against his hand and listened as the other three answered the questions. Everything was going as it should, until Calum suddenly heard ‘daddy’ being called from a very familiar little voice. When Calum turned, he saw Logan running towards him, tears running down his face. In one swift motion, Logan lifted his arms, and Calum scooped him up onto his lap. Calum calmed Logan for a minute before he realized that everyone was staring at him. “Sorry, he’s going through a phase where he can’t be away from me.” Calum nervously laughed but kept his main focus on Logan.
“Oh, Calum, this is so sweet!” The host cooed excitedly, “I knew you had kids, but I can never remember how old they are. Is this your oldest or your youngest?” The host asked.
“This is my youngest,” Calum kissed the side of his head and allowed Logan to nuzzle his face into the crook of his neck, “Give me a minute to handle this.” Calum says with a soft chuckle. Calum stood, still holding Logan and walked off the stage. The camera followed him as he walked Logan back over to Mama, telling him that he had to stay with her, and that he thought he had understood that.
As soon as he reached Mama, Logan started to throw a fit, not wanting to go to his mom, and wanting to stay with Calum. Calum and Mama went back and forth about trying to get Logan to calm down, but the host spoke up, “Why doesn’t the little one join us?” Calum and mama exchanged a look, but eventually relented and Calum carried Logan back to the stage.
Calum sat back on the couch in his spot and put Logan on his lap, facing outward. Logan swung his legs, and looked over at the host who asked, “What’s your name?”
“Logan!” he answered with a big smile on his face.
“Logan, how old are you?” The host asked again.
“This many!” Logan excitedly held up three fingers.
“Wow, you’re so big! Logan, do you love hanging out with your dad all the time?” The host leaned forward a bit to keep Logan’s attention.
Logan nodded furiously and looked back at Calum, “Daddy’s my best friend.” The entire crowd ‘aw’d.’ Calum nearly forgot he was sitting in front of a crowd. Calum smiled at Logan and ran a finger down his cheek, simultaneously moving his hair from his face.
“Do you know the name of your daddy’s band?” Logan nodded and swung his feet, effectively kicking Calum in the shins. Calum nonchalantly grabbed his legs to spot him from kicking him. “Great, I want you to look at that camera and tell it that your daddy’s band is coming up next, playing their new song.” The host pointed, and Logan’s eyes followed.
He looked back at Calum for encouragement and Claum nodded. Logan looked at the camera and said, very shyly, “My daddy’s band, 5 Seconds of Summer, is up next.” The crowd cheered and music started playing, indicating they were headed to a commercial.
Once the commercial break had started, Calum picked Logan up and carried him off stage. “Remember how I told you to stay with mama, no matter what?” Logan nodded, “You didn’t listen.“ Logan looked down, knowing he was in a little bit of trouble. Calum kissed the side of his head, “It’s okay, but you have to stay with mama while I sing my song, okay?” Logan nodded and wrapped his arms around Calum’s neck.
“I’m sorry, daddy, I just love you.” Logan said while resting his chin on Calum’s shoulder.
Calum couldn’t help but to smile, “I love you too, Logan.” With that, they headed back to the dressing room to get ready for their performance.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tagging: @talkfastromance4
Let me know if you want to be tagged in future postings!
Whether it’s called an accident or the fates of the universe, you and Calum find yourselves taking on the next level of your relationship: parenthood.
Reader (Gender Neutral) X Calum. Multi-chapter Series.
Series Note: Across this series, pregnancy is discussed thoroughly. While I have made this series specifically a reader insert and have done my best to avoid coding for cis women, I am taking this moment to acknowledge that this content may not be suitable for every reader. I want to acknowledge even if I’ve been careful some things (like uteri) are still mentioned and if that causes you discomfort please DO NOT read this. You may keep scrolling (as there is a read more) / skip this series as necessary.
Series Masterlist | Calum Hood Masterlist | Main Masterlist
Your alarm goes off in the morning and you sigh as you push up from the mattress. Sleep was better than normal but you’ve taken to using the full on black out curtains for Calum since he’s gotten home. The lack of natural light to help rouse you awake gently makes it harder for you to get up. But over the weeks, it’s gotten slightly easier with time. Today’s one of those days that as you push up, you feel good about the day ahead.
Moving the pillow that was between your knees back up to the head of the bed, you get your feet to the floor and pause. Calum’s at your side of the bed, leaning against the wall but his eyes aren’t focused on anything in particular. A scowl is on his face. “What happened?” you ask. A bit of panic leaks into your voice. You wonder if something happened to one of the guys. Did something happen to Mali? David wasn’t scheduled to come out for a while, but still things could change in an instance. Had something happened to the flight?
Calum shakes his head. The action causes him to move his arm and you catch his phone lighting up. “It’s out.”
“What’s out?”
“Yesterday--someone recorded us while we were in Target and posted it. I made a tweet but I’ve been up half the night trying to talk to our social team. And as I was making those calls, I felt like a hypocrite.”
You push up finally to fully stand. You reach out with a little hesitation. Would Calum even want to be touched? You ultimately decide to drop your hand, seeing that he doesn’t move closer to you. You take it as a sign that you should possibly tread lightly. “Why do you feel like a hypocrite?”
“I’m doing the same thing I got mad at you about. What if you don’t really care if people know? What if it’s all just me? But I can’t help but think the last thing I want to happen now is that you be out and get stopped by fans. Or God forbid, you’re delivering and there’s a fucking mob outside the birth center because somehow fans have figured it out.”
“So you like the idea of a birth center too?” you tease. As much as Calum was willing to listen to your concerns, he harped on about safety measures. Birth centers were only the recent debate surrounding his safety kick.
Calum’s gaze finally drops from the ceiling to you with a tiny smile lifting at his lips. “I might’ve been convinced in all my late night pacing.”
“Want some coffee for this conversation?” you ask, offering your elbow out.
Calum goes for your hand instead and nods. Now with less distance between the two of you, you catch the faint note of nicotine from Calum. “It’ll be my second cup and today seems like the day I’ll need it.”
For all that it matters, Calum had done well with his smoking until now. Ashton kept tabs on him and sent you updates periodically. Though, neither one of you made it super obvious that you were paying attention. Now, undoubtedly the stress he’s surmounted and feels like he’s facing, you keep a close lip around the scent. The two of you pad softly to the kitchen. Joy’s taken to getting up either when you do a little before and as you two round the corner to the kitchen, you spot the light on.
“Who’s been in my kitchen?” she asks aloud.
“Me, Mum. And technically, it’s my kitchen,” Calum quips. He gives her a kiss on her cheek.
“You look like hell, son.”
“I feel like hell.”
Joy turns and spots you. Her eyes ask if you know. You give a so-so or somewhat gesture with your hand and she turns back to Calum. “Should I refresh this pot then?” she offers.
“Great minds think alike,” Calum grins, already getting fresh grounds into the machine.
The kitchen falls silent around the work of Calum. But like he knows that everyone is watching him, he drops his hands to the counter to support his weight. “What do you think, babe?” He looks up and over to you.
“About?”
His brows furrow. “I didn’t show you anything, did I? I’m sorry. I’ve been a mess since last night,” he confesses.
“It’s okay to be a mess sometimes.”
You stand on the opposite side of the bar height counter top. So Calum steps closer and extends his phone out to you. You take it, going to unlock it. Maybe it matters less about you and more about what Calum feels comfortable doing. You had told coworkers and some other friends. People close enough to you already knew. Had it really mattered if the thousands and millions of other people knew too? You were now closing in on your third trimester. Things were looking good for you and baby boy Hood. A stark change to your perspective from before you know. But maybe the cosmos had a way of operating that was just beyond your understanding. Or maybe even if your mind has changed the distinct stress on Calum’s face takes precedent.
“What do you want?” you ask Calum.
“What do you want?” he counters.
“I want you to feel like we’re safe and that you’re in a place where you feel comfortable with what’s public and what isn’t.”
Calum nods but not without comment. “And I want you to feel like you have a say.”
Of course, he did. You unlock his phone only to stare at the cluttered Home Screen. While Calum wasn’t disorganized, his strategies were much different than yours. You don’t mess with any of the text messages. “Where should I go?”
“Twitter,” Calum answers.
You load the app--the mentions are a cluttered mess and you can see why he’s got literally every notification setting turned off for any social media app. You go to his profile first and read through the tweet he made. In the early parts of your pregnancy it was important to you to keep this quiet. Things were in a state where they could rapidly shift from good to bad and from bad to good, or bad to worse. There was no reason why you’d want to have to put that sort of information out into the world when it was constantly in flux and already stressful on its own. In addition, you know Calum. You can take one look at him and understand the words that don’t always fall from his lips. It’s not so much a secret language as it’s finally cracking the code on Calum’s language and him cracking the code on your language.
You two have become proficient and fluent in the languages of each other. “What has your social team said?” you ask.
“They’ll try to contact the person who originally posted the video and ask them to remove it. But it’s being reposted all over. So there’s no real way to stop it now. I’m waiting for an update now.”
“And am I correct to assume I shouldn’t go look at the video or what people are saying?”
Calum nods. He read only a few comments. Some were shocked by the news and happy. Others were much meaner in their remarks. “None of it changes how I feel about you or our baby. Nor does any of it have any bearing in our relationship.”
“Well, I always knew that,” you laugh. You set his phone down on the counter just as the coffee pot settles. Joy steps in to divvy out the cups and mugs.
Calum’s mug billows with steam from beneath him. You take the mug Joy extends out to you with a quick thanks and let the warmth seep into your palms for just a moment before you set it down. You notice your mug is filled with decaf tea as an alternative and you’re not even sure when Joy got the kettle going for it to steep. But you appreciate her careful eye.
“I think privacy is important. And I don’t fault you for taking steps to make it clear that this pregnancy is a private matter,” you return. “Who knows? Maybe people will start deleting what they’ve shared now that you’ve tweeted about it.”
“I can only hope,” Calum returns. The two of you share a nod--an agreement that whatever steps Calum has taken are okay to continue down--and then both take a sip from your respective mugs. “I’ll give up alcohol for you, but never caffeine,” Calum jokes after his sip.
“And I would never want you to.”
“I’ll fix all of us breakfast and that way you can get ready, love,” Calum offers.
You nod and Joy’s silent from the corner of the kitchen. As the two of you lock eyes, she gives you a tiny nod. She’ll keep an eye out on him while you’re gone. “Me and Duke will post up in the living room I guess. Lots of cuddles needed to be had,” Joy laughs.
By the time you’re dressed and ready for work, but not forgetting to enjoy the breakfast that Calum prepared, you’re ahead of your normal schedule. You consider it a sign. You’ll leave work earlier too because of it. Calum walks you to the car. He gets your bag into the passenger side, but you can tell by his face that there is so much more on his mind. “I’m worried about you and if something happens at work,” Calum confesses, looking down at the car door. “I can feel you staring at me and I figure rather than making you ask, I’ll just tell you.”
“I’m going to be okay. We’ve got security at work. If it looks really bad, I can call them,” you offer.
“I know. I also reached out to one of our security guards. If anything goes wrong, or seems bad, you let me know. We have a guy ten minutes from your job.”
“Please tell me he happens to live close to my job and not that you have him posted up near it.”
Calum chuckles. “He lives out there.”
“Poor man did not ask to deal with this.”
“But I’m just glad he’s happy to help,” Calum states softly. “Be safe today.”
It sounds like a plea to you, to the universe, to any and every force. You nod in return. “Love you.”
“Love you too.”
The rest of your day is uneventful. When you get to the office, it’s just you and the custodians for a moment. A few more people filter in in the early morning and then as the day progresses the office fills out more and more. In your morning break, refreshing your water bottle, Sharon, one of your co-workers steps up to you. “Hey, you doing okay?” she asks.
You nod. “Yeah, doing good on my end. How’s your sister and niece?”
“They’re doing well. My niece is dreading the end of summer, but ain’t it how it always goes,” Sharon laughs.
“The summer breaks really aren’t that long.”
“Speaking of my niece,” Sharon drops her volume just a little, “I heard about a video on Twitter. What is-how are you actually doing?”
Part of you is curious just how much Sharo knows or what she say, but you know if you go doing you’ll find more than what you’re looking for. “We know. His team is on it, I think. Mostly just trying to lay low,” you return with a nod.
She hums. “Yeah, I get that. I was shocked that she even remembered you from the holiday party--my niece. She just happened upon it and then sent it to me asking if that was you. I didn’t respond, but I was shocked considering how long it’d been.”
“Seems to be a hazard of the job for him,” you return. “Hoping it blows over really.”
“Understandable, really. If you need anything, let me know.”
There’s something in the way that Sharon’s got you almost pinned to the wall that makes you wonder if the conversation is as friendly as it was supposed to appear. You only nod in response and then slip away back to your desk. You don’t want the circumstances to cloud your judgment, but you also can’t be blind to them. Besides, better to err on the side of caution than to be caught in a bigger mess. When you’re done for the day and go out to the parking garage, you keep your phone pulled up on Calum’s number. You’d rather wait an extra ten or so minutes hiding out in the lobby bathroom of the building than get cornered again.
But there’s nothing but the bright morning sun. There’s nothing besides the clack of people walking past and the chatter of their voices. The drive back home you take in silence. Not even the radio plays faintly. It’s just you and the rush of the wind in through your windows as you carry yourself through the streets. As you turn up into your neighborhood, you realize just how tense your shoulders are, how much you’ve been pulled up close to the steering wheel.
Calum’s waiting for you on the front steps as you pull into the driveway. Behind him you spot Ashton peeking his head out of the door with a wave. You wave up at him and he ducks back inside. Calum grins as he approaches the driver side door. “You survived.”
“Thankfully,” you laugh in return. “Is it just Ashton?”
Calum nods. “Michael was by earlier and Luke said he’d be by after dinner. I think they’re taking shifts.”
“You’ve been that much of a nervous wreck?”
“I care deeply about you and Pumpkin. Fucking sue me,” he returns, helping you out of the car.
So I have two Cal fics that are in the works and hopefully I can post them both before the end of the year, but I'll do my best.
1. the soccer stars' associate {soccerstar!cal} — this is something that I really got into about a month & ½ ago; it's basically just smut, but like helping Calum with his soccer contracts and getting seriously close.
2. teen pregnancy, he's yours; 4yrs later pt. ii {dad!cal / boxer!cal} — this is part 2 of my teen pregnancy fic with Calum. He picks up boxing on the side to help with the pregnancy and for the baby.
These are my two main fics that I am working on at the moment. Please let me know if you want to know anything else about these, and if you want to read a little bit of one.
Calum’s world spins in slow motion. He sees you but you’re out of focus, his vision is hazy past tears. He’s numb but somehow he can still make out that your hand is in his, your grip is like iron, the hold you have on each other is unbreakable. He can hear static, white noise tumbles through his senses raised into a panic induced overdrive. He loses you and finds your baby and wonders why there’s no crying. The doctor has her in her arms and she’s saying something, Calum can see that her lips are moving but his mind can’t keep up, her voice is lost to him. Neither of you were prepared for this, the classes and books neglected to ready you for only seven months of pregnancy, ten minutes of labor and the doctor rushing your daughter out of the room. He looks back at you and sees your once outstretched arm fall, your lip quiver, eyes go wild through your weary and worried exhaustion. Your voice finally breaks him.
“Follow them,” you plead and though Calum wants to stay with you there’s someone else in the world who needs him too. Someone else he wants to be with just as much as you.
With every footstep down the sterile hallway he wishes your hand could still be in his. He’s stopped short, a nurse he barely recognizes from his disconnect while at your side stands in front of him.
“They’re bringing her to the NICU,” the nurse says and though her voice and eyes are kind Calum feels fear and frustration rising inside of him, boiling and breaking him as she stands in his way. “You can’t go in yet.”
“What—I’m—she’s my daughter,” he stumbles out, throat on fire and eyes burning just the same.
“They’re getting her in an incubator. She needs oxygen and vital care,” she says and goes on to explain it will take a bit of time. “When she’s ready you’ll be able to go in. You’ll need to scrub up and wash your hands first.”
Calum shakes his head, not quite able to process all of this information on the spot. He lets out a shaky breath, curls his fingers into his palms, feels the coolness of his wedding ring on his skin and it reminds him of you; he lets the thought of you attempt to calm him. His head shake turns to a nod though he’s still not sure he can completely comprehend all that is happening.
“When can I see her?” he finally manages to get out though it’s not without a fight or a broken syllable.
“Follow me,” the nurse offers and without thinking Calum is walking down the hallway again, trailing the nurse to a break in the white wall where a window rests. “You can watch from here.”
The view is startling. Machines and equipment line the NICU, doctors and nurses pass in and out and create fears with every step they take. It takes a moment to find the team that delivered your baby, joined by a few new nurses and another doctor. Just past the crowd he can see the incubator and your daughter being settled within, tubes for oxygen and the like disguising her small face. Her eyes are closed and though she looks peaceful the striking contrast of your sleeping daughter and the dire circumstances are enough to choke Calum. He can’t watch the rest, his eyes skirt to the floor but he stays put. He’s not leaving her, his resolve is shaken but stays intact. He wants you with him, he wants her to be on the other side of the glass, in his arms, welcomed to a world without complications.
Time passes in a blur, his eyes fixed on his shoes and the tile floor below. He’s vaguely aware of other people in the hallway. Doctors, parents, nurses and patients all pass him by without a word. The kind nurse is long gone and Calum finds himself wishing he had asked more questions. The silence is deafening. He wants to have your whispered words of reassurance in his ear. He wants the repeated mantra of “it’s gonna be okay” to be believable. His phone buzzes but he doesn’t reach for it. He knows he should make calls. Tell his parents, inform the guys he left with a million questions and concerns in their minds. He doesn’t have the energy or the will to do so.
His shoulders slump but he straightens himself when a doctor approaches.
“Mr. Hood?” he asks, clipboard in hand and cool eyes sweeping him up and down. Calum nods. “You can go in now. Follow me. We have to get you ready.”
Calum’s heart lurches with the first step he takes to follow the doctor, to be with his daughter. He thinks of you, doesn’t want to imagine the panic and pain that being alone is causing you. He reminds himself Mali is with you, that you told him to follow. He’s led to a solid door and ushered through. There’s a room connected to the NICU; cabinets with scrubs and gloves and sanitizer and a medical sink claim the small space. He realizes all parents must enter through here before getting to their babies. In a blink he’s wearing a gown, and his hands are thoroughly washed. He takes just one second to take a breath, to gather courage, keep you in his thoughts and ready his heart for his daughter.
“We usually encourage skin to skin contact to bond with babies while they’re being treated. You can hold her hand, talk to her, she’ll know your voice,” the doctor explains while they approach the incubator.
There’s a thousand questions swirling through Calum’s mind that he wants to ask the doctor beside him. But his breath catches in his throat at the sight of your daughter. Her eyes are still closed from when he first caught a glimpse of her through the window. The incubator is closed, she’s surrounded by the help she needs but holes provide a place for Calum’s hand to find her. The doctor talks to him, Calum knows he should be listening but the whir of the machinery and the thumping of his pulse inside his ears drown out the words. He keeps his gaze on her, swallows back a sob and feels the ache in his heart grow as he realizes you’re alone in the room down the hall, that she’s right in front of him but they’re separated by plastic and plexiglass.
He wants to say something to her, he can’t find words, more than anything he wants to hold her. He can’t. He sinks down to level with her and slowly reaches through to lightly hold her hand that’s so small it brings tears to his eyes. She doesn’t respond but he feels better having even the smallest form of connection to her. He doesn’t even know when he realized that he was right; your baby is the most beautiful little girl he’s ever seen. Your bet is meaningless, winning and names are lost in the plight of life. The doctor leaves eventually but hospital staff still surrounds the NICU, nurses and doctors ready at a moment’s notice. It’s silent save for the hum of the machines. Only a few other babies are being treated, spaced out to afford families privacy. He doesn’t know how long he stays bent over with his hand lightly on hers before he finally finds words.
“We love you,” he tells her, knowing if you were with them you’d say it too.
It might have been minutes but is more likely hours by the time a nurse pulls Calum from her side. The mention of you finally rousing him from his state. He doesn’t want to leave but he wants you. He wars over it for a moment but nods, gives her hand another touch, tells her that you both love her and finds himself wandering the hallway back to you. You’re stricken when he enters the room. Mali is trying to be a calming presence, to keep you in bed, but it seems a losing fight.
“How is she?” you ask, breathless, hopeless and forlorn.
Calum swallows down a lump in his throat, bites back tears and tries to stay strong for you and for her. A rush of the doctor’s words come back to him. What scattered remnants of pieces he barely heard charge through.
“She’s beautiful,” Calum says first, sits down in the chair at your side and takes your hand as softly as he had taken hers. “The doctor said the first twenty four hours are the most vital. They’ll know more at forty eight and even more at seventy two.”
“I want to see her,” you say and Calum hears the edge of hysteria in your tone.
“You need to rest,” Mali tries but falls short when you and Calum both shake your heads.
“I didn’t even get to hold her,” you cry and it’s enough to bring Calum to you, his arms gently around your shoulders. You can’t hold her, he can’t hold her, but you can hold each other and hope. “I want to see her,” you repeat and the words hit Calum’s skin and wrench his heart.
“We’ll ask the doctor if you can,” he promises, not knowing how physically affected you are from labor, not knowing if getting up and going would be okay or not.
“I’ll go get her,” Mali says and excuses herself from the room to track down the doctor and to give you two a private moment.
You’re both quiet for a few seconds, content to hold each other together in the silence. Calum feels your grip on him tighten as you shift in the hospital bed and eventually pull away so he can see your face. He runs his thumbs over your cheeks to wipe away your tears.
“Are you okay?” you ask him, eyes wide and concerned. “I wish I could’ve been there with you. I don’t know how hard that must have been.”
Calum shakes his head as if he’s trying to shake away your worries. You feeling guilty for not being there with and for him was the same war he had about leaving you behind.
“‘I’m”—he says and sucks in a deep breath—“I’m okay. I’ll be okay. She’s gonna be okay,” he finishes and finds a new mantra though it’s hard to believe and each sentence sounds more like a question than the last.
You nod, a small shudder shaking your shoulders and racking your body. Calum reaches for you again, let’s his hands settle on your shoulders to give you strength and comfort.
“I know she will. She’ll be okay, she has to be, she’s half you and you’re the strongest person I know,” you rationalize, eyes lost to the wall in front of you. You look back at Calum and he sees the stony wall you’ve put up start to crack as you gaze at him. “But it’s okay to break sometimes,” you finish and Calum knows you’re saying it to him, reminding him that he can break into your arms and have you there to help him put back the pieces.
For the first time since your daughter was born Calum allows himself to crumble. The tears he’d been fighting back slide down his cheeks and his shoulders slump with the weight of the world. He’s brought back to you by your gentle pull and finds reassurance in the love you show him. Mali comes back in with the doctor and Calum tries to collect himself, wipes tears from his face and clears his throat.
“I hear you’re asking about your daughter,” the doctor says as she steps into the room and takes a sweeping glance at you, Calum and Mali. “Parents are allowed in at all times. Visiting hours for others are seven in the morning to seven at night. Only two at a time.”
“Can I go see her?” you ask, a fragment of hope clinging to your words and getting lost in your eyes at the mention of parents being allowed in whenever.
“In the morning,” the doctor replies and Calum swallows down a lump in his throat, knowing that’s not the answer you wanted. “Your labor was quick but very intense. Your body needs to rest, the drugs need to wear off, you wouldn’t make it down the hallway in your condition.”
Calum sees the refusal cross your face, the staunch disbelief that you can’t see your daughter almost enough to crack anyone’s resolve. The doctor keeps explaining to you but it falls on deaf ears and interjections. You ask if this way would be possible, if that way would, but nothing seems to be possible to the doctor who means to keep you in bed until morning.
“What if she doesn’t have a morning?” you finally ask and suck in a breath as if the words themselves strike physical pain through you. Calum’s nearly certain they did, just the thought is enough to make his chest feel like it’s caving in.
“She’s stable and comfortable. If anything was to happen we would get you in there. For now, please try to get some rest.”
The doctor gets paged and makes her escape. Calum clutches you, holds you and makes whispered promises he’s not sure can be kept.
“I don’t want her alone,” you whimper and Calum follows your gaze out the door.
“I’ll go—do you want me to stay with you? Where do you want me?” he asks, stumbling over his words, unsure where to go or what to do.
You nod. “Go be with her. Please. Make sure she’s okay,” you instruct and Calum can hear how much it pains you to let him go to her without you. He holds your hand, kisses your forehead.
“I’ll come back to check on you in a while,” he promises. “And I’ll take so many pictures of her. Sweetheart, she’s beautiful,” he adds, realizing his first time in the NICU was so filled with shock that not one photo was taken and the only time you’ve seen her was when she was being taken away.
“Thank you,” you whisper, eyes glossy. “I love you.”
“I love you,” he answers without hesitation but takes an extra second to gaze at you before heading out the door.
He’s back with your daughter before he even realizes it. Her small hand is warm inside the incubator, her eyes are still shut and past the tubes that breathe life into her she almost looks peaceful. He takes as many photos as he can without disturbing her. He settles into the hard plastic chair beside her and tilts his head back until it gently thumps against the wall. His hands find his face and rub at his jaw. He hadn’t realized before but it’s been clenched and holding tension for hours. Time passes as he sits at her side, talks to her, sings and hums when she so much as stirs slightly. He’s able to lull her and he takes those moments as victory and ones to keep with him forever. Once more he wishes you were with them, knowing you would be able to do the same for her with the sound of your voice, the gentle touch of your hand. When it nears midnight and she hasn’t stirred in a while and a nurse has come in to check on her, Calum convinces himself it’s time to go check on you.
He knows he could call or text but he misses you. He’s faced with a conundrum as he gets one foot out the door of the NICU. Now he misses her. But he doesn’t have time to do much of either as the kind nurse he recognizes from earlier stops him once more. This time she has a clipboard with papers and pen in her hand.
“Forms for her birth certificate,” she informs.
Calum gapes at the papers. Even the easiest of questions and information seems impossible. You both still don’t even know her name yet.
“You can take your time on them. I’ll be around to help if you have questions,” the nurse says before excusing herself to rush off to help another patient.
Calum’s left with the clipboard in hand, aches in his heart and questions in his mind. He heads back for your room to find you awake and Mali gone. You smile to greet him but Calum can see how flat the gesture is and he can’t blame you.
“Where’s Mali?”
“Getting a coffee. I can’t sleep and she wanted to stay up with me,” you explain and Calum settles himself on the edge of your bed. He takes your hand and places the clipboard on his lap. “What’s that?”
“Forms for her birth certificate,” he says and sighs. “I can’t even fill in her name.”
You squeeze his hand in understanding. “Do what you can,” you reply and inch closer to take a peek at the papers. There’s a moment of silence between the two of you as you each get lost in your own thoughts. “I know you get to name her…”
Calum shakes his head. All bets off. “We’ll decide on something together. I love all the ones on your list,” he tells you and finally gets a genuine smile from you, eyes alight and all.
“I want to see her before we choose, I feel like I don’t even know her.”
Calum trembles at your words and the honesty in them. You carried her for seven months and had about seven seconds to see her before she was carried off. He leans closer to you, gives you many small kisses from your cheek to forehead as worries and fears tumble inside him, each one coming to life and bringing life to others. He drowns them out, for you and for her. He’s already crumbled once. He wants to be resilient. Mali comes back with coffee in hand and tired eyes but such a sheer will to stay Calum can’t even work up the nerve to even suggest she go home and get some sleep. And in all honesty he’s glad she’s here and can be there with you when he can’t.
“I called mum and dad, I hope you don’t mind,” Mali says when she takes a seat on the opposite side of you, sliding into the chair in a tired yet graceful way.
Calum shakes his head. He doesn’t mind at all. He wanted to do it but didn’t have the heart or the words or the right mind to even dial the phone.
“They’re flying out as soon as they can,” Mali further informs, then sips at her coffee. “We’re all gonna be here for you. Both of you. All of you.”
“Thank you,” Calum gets out past a choked up throat and stands to stride to his sister and give her a long overdue hug. She affords him comfort and when she realizes how tired his eyes are she gives him her coffee and says she’ll get another.
Mali leaves again and Calum spends the next few minutes drinking in the caffeine and soaking up some time with you. He wants to get back to your daughter but the war of you being completely alone confronts him once more. He decides to wait until Mali gets back to head back to the NICU. When she does stride back through the door he gives you a kiss, tells you he loves you and makes a promise to stay with her until morning; until you can be with her too.
He spends the night in the uncomfortable hospital chair, hand inside the incubator, finger lightly stroking her tiny hand in soothing rhythms. He talks to her when the moon is out, he shows her pictures of you and doesn’t let it bother him when her eyes don’t stay open for long. He comes to terms with the fact that she’s resting and when she’s resting she’s getting stronger each and every second. Through the night he shifts in the chair but never leaves it. There’s a kink in his neck and his muscles ache by the time morning comes but those pains are minimal in comparison. He rubs at his tired eyes after waking from a miraculous little doze. He straightens and finds her immediately.
“Good morning,” he sings quietly as he gets level with her. Her eyes are barely open. “You get to see your mommy today.”
He knows it’s not likely, probably impossible, but he swears she smiles when he tells her that. His phone buzzes in his pocket. He has no intention of answering it—he’s surprised it still has enough charge to buzz—but he checks who’s calling. Ashton lights up the screen. Calum sends him to voicemail and jumps when motion in his peripheral startles him. Ashton is standing outside the NICU window, looking in at Calum with his phone pressed to his ear. He frowns when he hears the voicemail greeting. Calum gathers up the courage to leave his daughter. He gives her a small goodbye squeeze on her hand, tells her he loves her and exits the NICU, the routine of leaving the used gown behind already set in stone.
“How is she?” Ashton asks, giving no time or thought to explaining how he knew where to go or why he holds a duffel bag in his grip.
Calum wracks his brain, trying to find the last update from a nurse or doctor but comes up short after his long night. He sighs and his shoulders slump.
“She made it through the night,” he says and hears the desperate intone of needing hope in his voice. “What are you doing here? How’d you know?”
“Mali texted, Luke has Duke,” Ashton explained and lifted a worry from Calum. He’d nearly forgotten Duke in the fray of it all. Ashton hoisted the duffel bag up. “I brought you both clothes, phone chargers, and I even have a present for her,” he continues and rummages around in a small gift bag until he pulls out a plush koala bear.
“She’s in a closed incubator,” Calum says though he knows he should be saying thank you instead. He can’t stop the words once they start. “She can’t have anything in there.”
Ashton nods, knowing the slight bite in Calum’s tone is not frustration at the gesture, just the circumstances. “It can go in her nursery.”
“We don’t even have it set up yet.”
Calum knows he’s starting to crack again but he doesn’t know how to stop himself. If it were anyone else he might have had a fighting chance of keeping himself together but Ashton’s been there for unspeakable highs and lows. He can’t fight himself into submission. He can’t keep himself together without a little help from his best friend. That’s exactly what he gets, a comforting hand on his back as the bags hit the floor and a hug to remind him that it’s not just you and him against the world. It takes a few minutes for Calum to pull himself together, to offer an apology for his tone that Ashton shrugs off in understanding and head for your room, the sudden remembrance that you get to finally see your daughter carrying his steps.
He finds you and Mali in the same spots as last night. He can tell you didn’t sleep. Your eyes are bloodshot and heavy but the smallest of smiles captures your lips when you see him.
“You ready?” Calums asks and you nod, needing no other prompting to understand. “Let’s get you dressed then we can go,” he adds on and searches through the duffel bag for some clothes as Ashton and Mali head to the hallway.
“How was last night?” you ask him as you pull a hoodie on.
“Long,” Calum answers and takes a breath. “But she made it through with no problems. I talked about you, showed her pictures, I think she’s excited.”
You laugh at Calum’s recount of the night and his projection of her possible excitement. It’s the first time he’s heard you laugh in nearly twenty four hours. It’s not as hearty and joyous as usual but it’s a start to feeling normal. You both hold onto that feeling as you exit the room and head to get ready for the NICU.
Calum doesn’t know what to expect when you enter and see her for the first time since she was taken away. He figures you might tear up, that you might clutch him or go straight for her. He doesn’t expect you to freeze in your tracks halfway to where she sleeps. He doesn’t know what to do when you wrap your arms around yourself and tremble where you stand.
“It’s okay, sweetheart, come on,” he tries with a soothing voice. He’s a step ahead of you and you continue to stand still. He backtracks to you, puts a reassuring hand on your back. “What’s going on?”
He focuses on the subtleties of your face and is drawn to your eyes. He sees the way they shine and knows that you’ll soon be biting your lip and scrunching your nose as you do your best to hold back your emotions.
“All these machines…” you trail off with eyes roaming the NICU and the sight of dozens of incubators and the like. Calum knows how overwhelming it is but he’s had time to adjust and get used to the hum and flow of the world your daughter lives in.
“They keep the babies safe and comfortable,” he says, knowing that’s what will get through to you. “I’ll show you, she’s nice and cozy, getting stronger every second.”
You nod and take very small steps with Calum at your side. He doesn’t rush you or push you along. He goes at your pace, his eyes skirting from you to your daughter. He knows you can see her from your vantage point. Her eyes are closed as sleep claims her once more. Calum is used to the tubes that give her oxygen and help sustain her life. It startles you when you first approach and Calum witnesses the tears that finally slide down your cheeks. You’re timid at the edge of the incubator, hands curled into fists and steadfast at your sides. He hears your breath shaking and reaches for your hand.
“You can touch her. Hold her hand. She likes that,” Calum informs, knowing his touch and voice had soothed her through the night whenever she stirred. “Like this,” he says and reaches his free hand toward her, lightly stroking the soft skin on the back of her hand. Her eyes open but she stays calm and content.
You go slowly, as if afraid to startle her or scare yourself. Calum retracts his hand from her but keeps his other in yours for support and comfort. It takes one touch for your fears and stone wall to come crumbling down. Your eyes soften as more tears make stride and a sob wracks your body.
“Hi, sweetheart,” you manage to get out through a cracked voice and Calum smiles at the choice of term of endearment. You’ve always been his sweetheart, now you have one of your own. You look up at your husband and Calum meets your eyes. “She looks just like you.”
Calum shakes his head. “She’s you too, look,” Calum says.
You giggle through another cry but Calum knows the tears and sobs are all born of something good. “She’s got your eyes and purses her lips just like you.”
Calum smiles at that. “But that nose and those cheeks are all you.”
“You think so?” you ask, turning away from her to look at Calum with hope in your eyes. He nods. You turn back to look at her and keep up the small rhythm you have of stroking her hand. “Yeah,” you agree upon further inspection with such adoration in your tone it makes Calum laugh.
For as hesitant as you were to enter the NICU it quickly becomes apparent that nothing in the world will tear you from her side. You take up residence in the chair Calum spent the night in, never once letting your hand leave her, keep your voice soothing as you talk to her. Calum finds his way to the other side, content to hold her other hand and listen to the sweet words you whisper to her.
“I love you so much,” you repeat, having found a new mantra. “I can’t wait to bring you home. You’ll get to meet your auntie Mali, grandma and grandpa, all your uncles. Your doggie, Duke. We’re all waiting for you, whenever you’re ready.”
“Some are less patient than others,” Calum says around a laugh as he spies two people on the other side of the window. You make a confused noise until Calum motions over to the window and you both take in the sight of Ashton and Mali waving behind the glass with glossy eyes and smiles to accompany them.
“They’re really special, huh?” you ask and smile, appreciative for all of the effort they’ve put in. You both know you wouldn’t be able to get through this without family by your side.
“The best,” Calum agrees with fond eyes.
You fall into silence, content to stay by her side and do nothing but gaze at her and each other adoringly. Calum doesn’t expect to look up and find you in tears again but he does and it nearly rips his breath away before he detects that though you’re crying it’s a good kind of cry this time.
“What’s going on, sweetheart?” he asks.
“This is just—it’s all I’ve wanted,” you manage to get out with your gaze roaming from her to Calum and then to Ashton and Mali still watching from the window. “It’s our family.”
Calum smiles at the sentiment and the honesty in your voice and knows the gesture reaches his eyes and hopes you can feel it in your heart the way he does. He knows your rocky relationship with your parents and that you haven’t felt like family in a long time. They have still yet to meet Calum after bailing on a dinner and the wedding. He’s not sure if you’ve called them about the birth or if they even bothered to answer but he’s happy to see you content with the family that chose you.
You sniffle and meet eyes with Calum. “I have an idea for her name,” you announce and Calum’s heart skips a beat. He’s ready to start calling her by her name, to fill out the forms in his hoodie pocket, but then he laughs as he realizes he might more often than not call her a term of endearment, just like he does with you.
“Anything you want,” Calum promises, knowing that it will be perfect because it came from you and your heart.
***
Another day slips by and Calum finds himself alone with your daughter once more. You’ve been brought back to your hospital room to talk with your doctor and see where you’re at and when you’ll be ready to be discharged. Calum asks you to get some rest while you’re in there. You make no promises but heed his words. You both have thoughts of her name in your heads, still undecided, wanting more time with her to be absolutely sure but feeling that it could be right. Calum’s hanging on by a thin and tattered thread. He’s exhausted and nodding off in the chair when Ashton rouses him with a phone call and coaxes him out into the hall, but not before he spends the time to tell her that he loves her. He meets his best friend in the hall, a yawn falling from him, arms wide as they stretch out the aches and tightness from his prolonged position.
Calum rubs at his eyes. “Why’d you drag me out here?”
“I think you should go home for a while,” Ashton says, getting straight to the point. When Calum immediately refuses with a shake of his head Ashton sighs and continues, “just a little while. You’re running on empty.”
“No. No, I don’t want to leave her. I can’t leave them,” Calum refuses, head still shaking and eyes darting to the window.
“Go home. Take a shower. Eat something. Take half an hour to sleep. They need you to be rested,” Ashton says and Calum can almost hear the words he didn’t say. They need you to be strong.
It’s the implication and words unsaid that even marginally make Calum consider the proposition. He runs a hand through his hair as tangles of thoughts snarl through his mind. He lets out an accidentally long held breath and turns the shake of his head into a nod as his shoulders relax. He decides he will, but only after he’s sure you’re okay and can be in with her. He tells Ashton as much.
“Good, I’m on shift right now so I can be in there with them when you’re gone if you guys want,” Ashton informs. Mali had finally gone home to get some rest for herself and Ashton slid seamlessly into her role at your sides to fill in the gaps when you have to be separated.
“I’m sure we’d all love that,” Calum assures, utterly grateful for his family’s presence.
Ashton does as promised. Calum watches as the two of you enter the NICU, sticks by the window until he sees Ashton take her hand for the first time and glow with such love and adoration it makes Calum certain she’s okay in his hands. And yours, though he’s never had a doubt about that. He heads home after waving and blowing a kiss—and laughing when Ashton pretends to snag it from you and keep it for himself. He calls for a car, knowing he’s well past exhausted and being behind the wheel would be dangerous. The car stops at the curb of your home and Calum stops short when he steps out. Two cars sit in the driveway where your cars are usually parked.
He enters the house and is met with disgruntled noises coming from down the hall. He makes way to the back room and finds Luke and Michael in a mess of boxes and half put together nursery furniture. He laughs as he stands in the doorway and it catches his friends attention, they look up at him, wide eyed and startled.
Michael is the first to stand as he abandons a screwdriver on the floor among the mess of cardboard, bubble wrap, and probably unread instructions. “How is she? How are you? What are you doing here?”
“She’s getting better everyday,” Calum answers and doesn’t even question the knowledge they have of her and the troubles she’s been facing. He knows Ashton must have filled them in. “Ashton forced me home to get some rest. But the better question is what are you two doing here?”
Luke blows out an irritated breath. “Trying to build her nursery. We figured Mali and Ash wouldn’t be leaving anytime soon so we might as well be helpful in the meantime.”
“Do they know when she can come home?” Michael asks and tucks his hands in his pockets, eyes sweeping the mess of a nursery. He clears his throat.
“Not yet. Hopefully soon,” Calum answers with an arched eyebrow, also taking in the room.
Luke stands. “Don’t worry. We set up a bassinet by your bed. We read it’s good for newborns to sleep near their parents. Just in case,” Luke informs. “She’ll have somewhere to come home to and rest. Now it’s your turn,” he finishes and waves a hand as if to dismiss Calum from their presence.
“Alright, I’ll take the hint. Just… try not to break anything,” Calum says and excuses himself to head across the hall to his own room. He spots the bassinet immediately and gravitates towards it without thinking. He has the stuffed koala Ashton got for her in his hoodie pocket. He pulls it out and places it inside, optimistic that she’ll be able to come home to it soon.
Calum doesn’t linger at home too long. He showers, eats and struggles to sleep for a while. Luke and Michael make minimal progress in their efforts to put together the nursery. Before heading out again Calum stops by to thank them.
“We couldn’t do this without you guys,” Calum expresses his thanks and means every word of it.
“That’s what we’re here for. It’s what families do,” Luke reassures.
“You can thank us by showing us some pictures of her,” Michael states and tilts his head. “The only ones we’ve gotten are blurry and through a window from Ash and Mali.”
Calum is more than happy to comply, he’s taken dozens, likely hundreds, since the first one he snapped for you. With two of his best friends by his side he swipes through endless photos. Most of just her, nearly identical, some with you and her, some of him and her and a few taken by a nice nurse of the two of you with her. He’s not looking at Luke and Michael—much too busy staring at the screen, wanting to be back with her and you to look at them—but he can feel the smiles in their voices.
“She’s the prettiest little thing I’ve ever seen,” Luke coos.
Michael makes a comment that she’s lucky she favors you over Calum and all three laugh. It’s one of few genuine laughs Calum has had over the past few days and even though it’s at his own expense he doesn’t mind. It feels normal. Michael and Luke aren’t treating him like glass and he feels less likely to shatter because of it.
“I gotta get back to her,” Calum concludes and locks his phone after the last photo is shown.
“Send us new photos when you get there,” Luke insists and lets Calum part with them after a hug for each.
Calum leaves the half finished nursery and hears his friends go back to squabbling.
“Where the hell did the crib go?” Michael’s voice asks as Calum heads for the door.
“I think it’s under the rocker,” Luke says. “Which is under that styrofoam.”
Calum leaves with a grin and gets back to you and her as soon as he can. He has to switch places with Ashton to get back into the NICU. He immediately greets you and her and though he’s sure at this point you both know he tells you he loves you.
“Will you sleep tonight?” Calum asks, knowing it will likely be your last night in the hospital, your visit from the doctor informing you that you could be discharged in the morning.
“No,” you respond.
“Will you at least try?” he questions with pleading eyes. He doesn’t want you to spend a night in a chair after all your body has been through though he knows you will without question. “You need rest,” he reminds. “I did. Now it’s your turn.”
You sigh and Calum can hear how tired you are just from that. You mull it over for a minute and finally nod. “I’ll try. Stay with her?”
“Always,” Calum promises and meets you around the incubator to give you a hug before separating for the night.
It’s another long and restless night for Calum but he finds small joys where he can. He’s happy to see her content and resting easily. He revels in holding her hand and talking to her. The doctor said she would know his voice and as time passes he starts to believe it. He can’t help but think back on all the times had talked to her before he was born. He found comfort in holding your bump and telling you both about his day or humming and singing familiar and beloved tunes. Those days aren’t so far gone and Calum feels a tug in his chest as he realizes how quickly they left. Seven months was too short. But as he gazes down at her he can’t help but be happy to have met her early. He laughs when the thought of her just wanting to meet you as soon as possible enters his mind and knows he’ll have to tell you that, knows it will make you smile. The night goes by without incident and it instills more and more hope into Calum’s heart that she could be going home any day now. He gets a text from you early in the morning when the sun is still making it’s ascent into the sky.
He finds himself in your hospital room with a view of pink clouds on the horizon and the golden sun greeting you as the doctor says you’re okay enough to be discharged. You both listen to the instructions and advice the doctor gives you and Calum can see the relief and happiness on your face as you settle into the realization that you can be at your daughters side at any and all times. The doctor tells you to rest and take it easy but Calum knows nothing will be restful or easy until she’s home and you both know she’s okay. Your minds and hearts won’t have peace until she can rest in your arms. Calum helps you get ready to leave your own hospital room and head back to the NICU. Over the next couple of days you and Calum find an exhausting rhythm of being at her side. It takes a lot of convincing from Ashton and Mali to let them be there for her while you take just a small amount of time for yourselves. Though it’s hard and goes against all of your instincts to be there with her at every single minute you relent after nearly thirty six hours without real sleep.
The first time you and Calum leave and Ashton and Mali go in together you linger by the window and watch as they take up positions by her sides. Calum feels warm and okay as he watches, he even manages a smile when Ashton and Mali light up when they hold her hands. The first time eases the transition to being able to take small moments away, long enough to eat and stretch your legs. But you never stay away for too long and even when they’re in with her you always find your way to passing the window and checking in on her and them. Nights are a different story. There is nothing that will make either of you leave her side. Days go on with uncertainty and worries but having Ashton and Mali around helps take some of the pressures and anxieties off of your shoulders.
Night settles upon you both with weary exhaustion clinging to your minds, bodies and hearts. Your daughter has been doing well but there’s still no word of when she can go home. It leaves you reaching for fragmented pieces of hope. Curling your fingers around broken shards of optimism and the fabric of each other’s shirts, holding onto all that is dear. Calum tries convincing you to go home for a night but you staunchly refuse, you tell him that you’re okay though your eyes betray how tired and broken you really are. He doesn’t push the matter, just holds you close in the uncomfortable hospital chair and keeps his hand on hers and yours and whispers reassurances all three of you need.
“I don’t even care if we go home soon or not. I just want to hold her,” you whisper and cut through Calum’s attempts at soothing you. “It’s been what? Four days? Five?” you ask and furrow your brows, the concept of time completely lost.
“Six,” Calum answers and is only aware of it from the watch on his wrist. It feels like a lifetime and he realizes that for her it is. He nearly gets choked up but clears his throat and blinks his eyes rapidly trying to keep himself together. He feels you shake your head against his chest as if you can’t believe it.
“She’s so tiny she could probably fit in one hand,” you say and let out a forlorn sigh. “I don’t know if we have clothes small enough for her.”
“We can send Mali out for that, I’m sure she’ll have a field day. We might have to build another closet for her,” Calum says and a small laugh follows, you giggle slightly and it’s more than Calum has let himself expect in a long while.
You lapse into silence, too tired to keep talking but too aware and afraid to fall asleep just yet. Calum’s learned to blur out the noise of the machines and just focus on your steady breathing. It comforts him. Just as he knows the beat of his heart is comforting you with your head pressed to his chest. His lap is numb but he wants you as close as possible.
“Have you thought more about her name?”
“I like what you mentioned,” Calum answers, a tilt of a smile forming for you and the thought of her possible name on his face. “Let’s sleep on it one more night,” he says and hopes that you actually will be able to sleep.
He finds himself nodding off, neck crooked and head falling against the wall behind him. But slumber is quickly taken from him when he feels himself being shaken and hears your breathy whisper.
“Something’s wrong,” you say and he immediately perks up, heart lurching and breath catching at the two words. “Look.”
You point out the window of the NICU where a group of doctors have convened with sullen looks on their faces. There’s a moment where everything is palpable and tense. Calum’s throat tightens and his heart rate spikes with anxiety. He can hear machines beeping but it’s not uncommon. The doctors break their group and start to move.
“Please don’t come in here,” he hears you say but he’s too fixed on watching the doctors disappear from the window and waiting for the door to burst open. Waiting for a doctor to take his daughter away again. “No, no, no.”
Calum’s hand finds hers and it feels just the same as always, warm and soft and perfect. His heart drops. Nothing happens, the door doesn’t open and the beeping stops. He gives it another moment and clutches at his chest with his free hand. He lets out a breath that’s nearly painful. He doesn’t even notice that in the heat of the moment you left him and stood, but now he refocuses, where once there was white edging into his vision as panic picked up he blinks it away and notices your hands are shaking. When you turn back to look at him he sees tears in your eyes.
“It’s okay,” he says and reaches a hand out to bring you back to him. “It’s okay. She’s okay.”
“I’m sorry,” you whisper and settle back against him, and he can feel the tears on your face as you find a home against the crook of his neck. “I was scared.”
“I know, it’s okay.”
“I shouldn’t have woken you. I shouldn’t have”—you begin but Calum strokes your hair and stops the words from coming out.
“That’s what I’m here for. I would’ve done the same,” he promises and assures. “She’s okay, we’re okay,” he continues when your small sobs and shakes don’t stop. He knows that you’re panic stricken and need to let the fear out. He holds you while you do, keeps his gaze flickering from you to her and lets the hum of the machines settle back in. He runs his hand up and down your back and hopes the rhythmic motion will help to calm you. He’s nearly certain sleep won’t be had any more for the night, he’s been running on coffee, anxiety, naps and adrenaline for days now. Once you’re calmed, or at least calmer, you pull away from Calum and he watches as you move back to her, settle so you can hold her hand and whisper to her. Her eyes are open and she’s calm. Calum notes and realizes how quiet she is, has been since she was first born. Even her cries are small and timid. He listens to you tell her that you both love her, that you can’t wait to bring her home and promise to always be there for her. Once the panic flees you both settle back in for the night but stay awake with closed eyes and hands on hers.
Morning comes in a slow creeping way. Doctors and nurses enter the NICU, you both watch silently as they make sure your daughter is doing well. It’s a silent and solemn affair to watch someone else be able to hold your baby—even if it’s just for a routine check in to make sure she’s making the progress she needs. Calum sees your arms flinching, watches as they calm when she’s back in the incubator and quiet. He knows it’s killing you to not hold her, cradle her in your arms and keep her safe from the world. It’s killing him too. Though you’re both somber and exhausted from the previous night, Calum finds that the morning is easier, he’s a little more light and certain. He won’t call it a good feeling as he doesn’t want to jinx it, but as he stares down at her and her eyes flutter open to meet his gaze he feels more calm and collected than he has in a week. His phone buzzes and though he doesn’t want to peel his gaze away from her he looks down and finds a message from Ashton.
“Ash says we should go get breakfast, he and Mali will come in for her,” Calum informs you and for the first time you don’t argue in favor of staying. Last night was too much, twenty minutes to recollect yourselves sounds good, and you’ve both come to trust Ashton and Mali to be alone with her.
“Alright, just get something quick from the cafeteria,” you agree and give your daughter one last touch and affirmation of love. You’ve both made it a habit to have your parting words to her be “I love you”.
Breakfast passes in a blur, remnants of blueberry muffins get swept into the trash and soon enough you’re both on your way back up to her. You’re stopped short in the hallway, a doctor calling out to you.
“Hoods?”
You both turn and a nervous feeling flutters through Calum’s chest. He holds his breath for a moment as he takes in the sight of the doctor. He exhales when the doctor seems in no rush and holds no note of concern. Calum supposes it’s a routine check in to tell about her progress and what the next steps are. Calum’s about ready to ask if you might be able to hold her soon, knowing how far she’s come and how much better she’s doing but the words get trapped as the doctor starts talking.
“She’s put on some weight. Her vitals are good. We’ll be transferring her to an open incubator for the day and if all goes well she should be able to go home by tonight or tomorrow morning.”
“What?” you ask, voice small in Calum’s ears, tinny and distant as you both process the news.
The doctor runs through it again, tells you slowly and answers questions that pop up during the explanation. Once it all makes sense, once it sinks in and the reality that her and home is coming sooner than either of you could have hoped for you’re both struck with a whirlwind of emotions. You freeze and for the second time the life of your daughter brings Calum to his knees. He doesn’t realize that he’s sobbing until you find him on the floor and your gentle hands and voice start to soothe him. Your fingers run through his hair and you repeat a new mantra that’s carved in stone and faith.
“She’s okay. We can go home.”
Your voice is a whisper and the NICU door opening and closing and footsteps all scream around you both. Calum clutches you and tries to catch his breath.
“What’s going on? What happened?” Ashton’s voice cuts through and brings you both to your feet. Calum doesn’t let go of you, face buried against your shoulder, but he finds some breath and wrestles with words and comes up empty.
“We get to take her home,” you explain and Calum suddenly hears Mali too, excited gasps and squeals sounding all around. Calum doesn’t let go of you but he feels his sister and best friend join the hug and appreciates their presence more than any choked up words could explain.
“Right now? I’ll go get the car,” Ashton asks and is reeling and ready to go but is stopped short.
“Tonight or in the morning,” you explain and Calum is grateful you’re strong enough to find words when he can’t. He continues holding you when Mali and Ashton break away, spilling their excitement out in bursts followed by tears.
He feels your hands in his hair again and the gentle sway of your body rocking him as he tries to ground himself into the reality that she really is okay. That nights filled with worries and days packed with exhaustion and waiting and waiting and waiting are going to be over. He breathes a little easier and finally detaches himself from you. You wipe his tears and he wipes yours and small laughs formed from disbelief and exhaustion spill past your lips.
“We have to finish her forms,” you remind and Calum doesn’t hesitate to dig into his jacket pocket where the papers for her birth certificate have been on standby. All that’s left to fill in is her name. “Should we go with…?” you ask and trail off as you peek at Mali and Ashton who are waiting with great suspense. Calum nods.
You fumble with the paper and pen and write her name out against the wall. You stay silent as you turn back to the group. You can sense Mali and Ashton are trying to be patient but the anticipation grows and keeps them on edge. All you do is silently hand them the paper so they can read for themselves.
“Mila Ashe Hood,” Mali reads in a breathy whisper coated with surprise. “She’s named after us?”
“After her godparents,” Calum says, finally finding some words but getting the wind knocked out of him once more as another group hug ensues. “Thank you guys, for everything, we couldn’t have made it without you.”
“That’s what family is for,” Ashton says without hesitation. “Now get in there and celebrate with her.”
***
“Do you want to hold her first?” you ask and look up at Calum with wide eyes. He meets your gaze, remembers your outstretched arm falling as they took her away, your pained and whispered words of just wanting to hold her, the way you flinched with fear at the sight of doctors outside the window. He wants to hold her but he wants you to have the moment you’ve been missing for seven days.
“It’s all you, sweetheart, you can go first,” he says and is content to watch with adoration and love as you reach into the open incubator she will be leaving for good momentarily to take her into your arms for the first time.
“Hi love bug,” you whisper as she settles in your hold; eyes open, quiet and content. “She’s so tiny and beautiful and perfect,” you say and softly rub her back. Calum sees tears in your eyes and for one of the first times in a week he knows they’re made of happiness. “Are you ready to go home?”
Mila doesn’t so much as squirm and you both take her contentment as a resounding yes. Calum lets you hold her for a few minutes more, takes several photos to capture the moment forever, knowing neither of you will ever want to forget. Mila’s eyes find Calum and his heart flutters.
“That’s daddy,” you tell her in a coo. “Do you want to go see daddy?”
The slow motion of Calum’s world stops as his entire universe ends up cradled in his arms. Mila weighs barely five pounds and Calum surmises your guess of her fitting in one hand would be right. But he holds her with all of the soft strength and love he has and wonders if he’ll ever be ready to let go.
“Ashton’s bringing the car around,” you inform. “Her car seat…”
“Luke dropped by and installed it,” Calum responds and laughs when you give him an uncertain look. “I’ll make sure it’s secure.” He would never let anything bad happen to his baby girl.
The transition from the hospital to the car goes fast in comparison to the agonizing wait of seven days. You both sit in the back with her, holding her hands, talking to her and enjoying the feeling of freedom from the incubator and anxiety. Mila is back in your arms and seeing her home for the first time in what seems like no time at all. The car ride flew by. Calum heads down the hall and takes a peek at the nursery.
“Sweetheart, come look,” he calls down the hall and pushes the door fully open when you and Mila reach him.
The sight of the finished nursery is breathtaking. You and Calum show Mila around her room; from the white crib and the pictures of woodland creatures above, to the rocker in the corner and the endless clothes that line her drawers.
“This is your room,” you coo, and shift your weight from one foot to the other, already noting that she likes a small rhythm when she’s held. “You’ll sleep right here when you’re bigger. For now you sleep right by mommy and daddy.”
You go across the hall to your room where her bassinet is set up and timidly ask Calum if it can switch sides of the bed so she can be near you. You explain it’s so you can feed her easier in the night but Calum doesn’t need an explanation, he’d do anything for you and her. He makes the switch and you gently lay her inside, kiss her forehead and clutch Calum as he stands by your side.
“I want to have more kids, I want her to have a sibling like you and Mali but I can’t go through that again,” you whisper and Calum can hear the heartache in your tone.
He pulls you close. “She will. We wanted to adopt, remember?”
You light up at that and smile with such sincerity it takes the ache right from your hearts. “Yeah. We’ll adopt,” you say and snuggle against Calum’s chest as a smirk grows on your face. “So, do you want to start that process tomorrow or?”
Calum bellows out a laugh and runs his fingers through your hair.
“Let’s take a breather, yeah? Enjoy being home with her for just a bit.”
“Okay,” you concede and Calum lets you drag him to bed where you can both rest. With his arms around you and your eyes on Mila who has fallen fast asleep you let out a content sigh and Calum smiles.
“I love you,” Calum says once and then again, one for you and one for Mila and you repeat the same back to them.
“I’m so happy to be home with my family,” you say around a sigh.
Seven months of pregnancy and seven days in the hospital have worn you both thin but in that moment there’s no other place you’d rather be. Beside your baby and in each other’s arms. The wait and anxiety are worth it once you find that all you have now is happiness and love. Calum and Mila.
<< >>
I can’t believe we’ve finally made it to this point in the dates with cal universe. I’m so appreciative of the support whether you’ve been around since the very first blurb, joined somewhere in the middle or are just finding this world. Thank you all so much. There is much to come, I hope you stick around for the journey.
Premature birth can come with many complications. What was depicted in this fic is one scenario of struggles parents and preemies can face. If you feel so inclined there are amazing charities to check out to help support families and babies in their time of need. Overall, stay kind and spread love and support.
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“Still not feeling good?” Calum asked, eyebrows pulled together in worry as he came downstairs to find you pacing the living room floor with the baby in your arms.
“Fuckin’ miserable,” you chuckled wearily. You weren’t sure who was more miserable- Noah experiencing his first cold, or you knowing you couldn’t do anything beyond letting the cold run its course.
“How long have you guys been up?”
“No idea.” Time became irrelevant when soothing an inconsolable infant. 5 minutes felt like 5 hours.
“Able to put Noah down at all?”
“No. Holding him is the only way he seems somewhat content.”
“Here,” Calum said, holding out his arms.
“Don’t you have to meet the guys at the studio?”
“Not for a while,” he answered, taking the fussy boy from you.
You shook out your arms, wincing as you did so. “Thanks,” you yawned. “Shit… I’m exhausted.”
Calum ducked slightly to kiss your forehead. “Go get some rest, love. I got this.”
“You sure?”
“Promise.”
“Okay… just come get me before you have to head out, and I’ll take Noah.”
“Nah, I said I got it.”
“Cal… you guys have been trying to get studio time all year. The guys need you.”
“My son needs me. Look, there’s always gonna be studio time. But how many days am I gonna get to do this?”
“Probably not enough,” you admitted with a deep sigh. “Alright. Just, give the guys a decent heads up.”
“Course. Now go to bed before I carry you there myself.”
You cocked an eyebrow. “You really think you can carry me and Noah at the same time?”
“Don’t test me, woman. You know I’ll do it.”
“Alright, alright,” you giggled, pressing a swift kiss to Calum’s cheek and the back of Noah’s head. “I’m going.”
As you disappeared upstairs, Calum took up residency on the couch. He tilted his head to check if Noah was asleep before carefully pulling his phone free from his sweatpants pocket. “Hey guys,” he whispered immediately once all the calls connected.
“Why are we whispering?” Michael asked.
“Noah’s asleep,” Calum explained.
“Oh.”
“Yeah. And I’m kinda stuck. So I’m not coming in.”
“What?!” was the outraged whisper. “Cal! Do you know how hard it was to book this session?”
He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I’m fuckin’ aware. But my son is sick. And the only way he’s sleeping right now is if he’s being held. So I’m stuck. Sorry. Actually... I’m not sorry.”
“Shit… well fuckin’ lead with Noah being sick next time! He alright? Anything we can do to help?”
“He’s alright for now. Finally asleep after I have no idea how long. Told Y/N to go to bed because she was up with him all night probably.”
“Shit, alright. Gimme like an hour. I’m gonna make some calls. See if I can reschedule the studio session. Then we’ll be over,” Ashton offered. “Right, guys?”
While Luke and Michael murmured in agreement, Calum shook his head. “Thanks, but you don’t have to do that. I mean, if you guys still want to head to the studio, that’s cool.”
“Nah,” Luke said with a shake of his head. “We’ll come over. Help with Noah.”
“It’s a done deal, Cal. Honestly, what did you think was gonna happen?” Michael asked.
“I don’t know? I thought I was gonna spend the day holding my son. Didn’t really give two fucks what you lot decided to do.”
“Well, we’re deciding to come help take care of our nephew. So deal with it.”
omg dad cal and mom reader where they switch places being the stricter one and the nicer one cuz u know cal be spoiling his kids djkdmfmnfd
dad!cal is the cutest thing ever. he makes me soft
broken glass - a thrown sippy cup and broken picture frame
The first time Calum held his daughter, he couldn’t stop the tears from running down his cheeks, he couldn’t believe that this little bundle of joy was half of him and half of the love of his life. they had made something so beautiful and he wasn’t going to let anyone or anything hurt her. The day she was born was when Calum knew he’d do anything to keep her safe and protected.
and he did, every bruise and scrape she got as a young toddler was handled by a kiss from calum. every time she felt sick calum made sure he’d give her all the cuddles and orange juice he could get his hands on. Even when Calum went on tour, he made sure to call them both, to talk with his little one about her day and all the interesting things she would babble on about. Calum would go to the end of this world for his daughter, he wanted her to have everything he could give her and more.
But being a toddler meant that sometimes meant that nothing in the world could prevent a tantrum. So when Calum and his wife found themselves with their three year old daughter on the floor of the living room crying over the fact that her mom wouldn't let her wrap duke in toilet paper and make him into a mummy. His wife had tried to calm her down, using her stern voice as she tried to explain to the toddler that the old dog wouldn't enjoy that very much. Another scream tore through the house, a sippy cup flying through the air and hitting one of the many photos hanging on the wall, the glass smashing and falling onto the floor.
Maybe it was the fact that the toddler was already having a bad day, her favorite blanket had ripped while she was going down the stairs outside to go play in the garden. It could've also been the fact that his wife hadn’t slept more than three hours the night before but the tantrum threw her over the edge, Her eyes filling with tears as she walked over to the picture frame on the ground, picking it up and taking a deep breath.
Calum watched her, a frown growing on his face as he saw her shoulders shake. Calum sighed, he didn’t like telling his daughter she had done something wrong, he didn’t even like seeing her cry. Most of the time he would let his wife take the reins, letting her teach the toddler about how to do things the right way when she was led astray by her curiosity. He was the fun parent, the one who let her get away with probably more than he should have, but that was his baby, his pride and joy, how could he not do everything in his power to make her laugh and smile. But as he watched his wife walk into the bedroom, he knew it was his turn to be the strict one.
He sighed and looked over at the toddler who was still letting big teardrops fall down her big cheeks. Her hands reaching up to the man she knew would always give her a cuddle. Calum knew that his daughter probably knew deep down she'd done something wrong but her mom was usually the one to tell her no, her dad just laughing and shaking off the trouble that she usually found herself in.
"We do not throw things, little one, it's dangerous and can hurt someone, okay? We're not going to do that again and we're not going to wrap Duke up in toilet paper, alright? It's just not something we do." The frown on Calum’s face made his daughter confused, she had never seen her dad look angry at her, not even when she accidentally spilled her juice on him. So when Calum scolded her, using a voice she'd only heard being used with Duke when he was in trouble, the little one knew she had done something wrong. Her small nod and tears caused Calum's heart to break, but he kept his face straight, needing his daughter to understand that she had done something wrong. "Now we are going to go say sorry to you mama, okay?"
When Calum walked into the bedroom holding the little one close, her quiet sniffles caused his wife to look at them both, her own eyes red from the tears she'd cried.
"I sorry mama." the little one would tell her mom, reaching out for her and pouting. Calum watched them, a small smile on his face as the little one curled into her mother's chest. The broken glass and tears were forgotten as both his girls laid in bed together, sleep overtaking them after a long day.
