#dad burn

[maybird321]

Dad who went to a state school: while you were doing your so called studying I was studying how to shotgun a beer

Me who went to a private school: well I learned how to shotgun the lord

[maybird321]

Me: I call bs on this guy speaking fluent French after only learning it in high school. I took French in high school and learned nothing

Dad: we’ll he’s smart

[winchester-inthe-tardis221b]

So my dad did something stupid which earned a laugh from my mum and when I asked him what was the mistake he had done, he replied back with his year of marriage and the year of my birth. so yeah

[maybird321]

Me: you are a nuisance

Dad: no, nuisance was my father

Dad: please call me newt 

[maybird321]

My dad who hates bananas: bananas ruin everything they touch

Me: I raise you monkeys, are they not improved by bananas? Curious George is cute.

Dad: King Kong, he would have been a peaceful giant monkey if he didn’t have that repulsive fruit.

[maybird321]

Dad: it’s Father’s Day and I’m wearing my crocs!! Because I’m the boss!!

Mom: no you’re not, I am no matter the day

My mother just canceled a whole ass holiday and feels nothing

[maybird321]

Me: Mom is taking a nap if you bother her we will burn your crocs in the front lawn.

Dad: I’m the boss I can bother her if I want, there will be no repercussions to my crocs because I’m the boss

[maybird321]

My dad: I stepped up in the platform, the man gave me the news. He said, you must be joking son, where did you get those shoes?”

*puts his cameo crocs on the table with their matching socks*