Thoughts Of A Depressed /Poor College Student @maybird321 - Tumblr Blog

Does your back ever pop so loud you sound like the beaches at Normandy ?

Current vibe: manifesting fecal samples

I squared up with a metal jug and found myself round. Now I have a bandaid on my face

Me: I call bs on this guy speaking fluent French after only learning it in high school. I took French in high school and learned nothing

Dad: we’ll he’s smart

This thanksgiving I am thankful for booze and antidepressants

They’re very few problems that can’t be solved by double amputation

I don’t listen to classic country music, that’s just booze, tractors and weaponized patriotism.

No I listen the good stuff, women singing about murdering their husbands

Yo this guy came In to my work with the worst cologne alike my brother in smell you are scaring our rats away

Y’all I love a good dub. Everybody deserves to see Bruce Lee kick someone’s ass in their own language

Don’t mind me I’ll just be at the club getting lit with my emotional support mom

You know If I didn’t have a healthy fear of dirt I would be a bigfoot hunter

My Apple Watch thinks I’m being hunted for sport but in reality I’m trying to skip intro on Netflix

Nothing gets me better than Coldplay and lasagna

I think I’m gonna be a sugar baby this working stuff is the pits

Dad who went to a state school: while you were doing your so called studying I was studying how to shotgun a beer

Me who went to a private school: well I learned how to shotgun the lord

Me: you are a nuisance

Dad: no, nuisance was my father

Dad: please call me newt

Looking at some fly old women in party hats*

Mom: do they look my age?

Me: no! They’re like 50

Mom: I am 50!!

Me: shit

Thoughts Of A Depressed /Poor College Student