#dadmir

[g-a-y-b-a-c-o-n]

Lambert: Okay, but when does a dad joke become a dad joke?

Eskel, Geralt, and Vesemir all at the same time: When it becomes apparent.

Geralt: OH NO.

[g-a-y-b-a-c-o-n]

Imagine the first time that Jaskier is invited over for dinner at the Himbos™️ House and everyone is smitten with him. Lambert, Eskel and Vesemir pull Geralt aside and tell him that he is never allowed to break that sweet boy’s heart

I honestly think they each have their own talks with him, like, Lambert’s conversation would go something like,

“If you even t h i n k about hurting him, Geralt. I am going to s h a n k you.”

“Sweet fuck, Lambert. I’m your brother.”

“And he’s a fucking doll, Geralt. He deserves the fucking world.”

And Eskel’s would be,

“I know I’m your brother and all, but, if you break his heart, I won’t hesitate to sic Lil’ Bleater on you.”

“I- wh- I’m- please don’t....”

And Vesemir’s conversation would just be sitting him down and asking him his intentions with Jaskier and Geralt’s just,

“??? I’m your SON??? He’s MY boyfriend??? Shouldn’t you be asking HIM this???”

[g-a-y-b-a-c-o-n]

Consider Lambert running to Vesemir with a nightmare at like one in the morning but he’s still trying to be tough about the fact that he wants cuddles from Dad. “Move over, old man! *mumbles* I gotta sleep in here...”

Vesemir seems like the kind of guy that just kinda sleepily rolls over, so Lambert shouldn’t have too much trouble seeking comfort. Sleep right into his side.

And Vesemir just, kinda, halfheartedly (and sleepily) mumbles something about nightmares being dicks and patting his sons head before passing out again.

[g-a-y-b-a-c-o-n]

Vesemir: I need to leave now to go grab my kid.

Rennes: Why? What happened?

Vesemir: My kid licked a toad he found during hunting drills and I need to go and collect him now.

Rennes: Wha— your kid did what?

Vesemir: Licked a toad, okay? Just let me go.

[g-a-y-b-a-c-o-n]

[there’s a thud from upstairs]

Lambert: *walking down the stairs*

Vesemir: What was that?

Lambert: My shirt fell.

Vesemir: That was a little loud for a shirt.

Lambert: I was in it.

[g-a-y-b-a-c-o-n]

Geralt: So....you're grounding me because I'm the strongest brother?

Vesemir: No, Geralt! I'm grounding you because you preformed a flying skull crusher on your little brother!!

Lambert, screaming in pain: AAAAGGHH!! MY S P L E E N -

[g-a-y-b-a-c-o-n]

Okay but see that video with the dad’s rescuing their babies: that but Vesemir and the boys. Holy HeLl that man must’ve developed super powers to prevent the boys from killing themselves on a daily basis

Hevfwjq Geneva kee oh e f e k xejece

@mellow-child actually also brought this up and I honestly fucking think it’s the most canon fatherly thing anyone can come up with. Like, these little shits are little danger magnets so obviously Vesemir’s gonna have to deal with this shit all the fucking time. So much so that it just becomes an instinct for him. Even when the boys are older.

Lambert’s about to get fucking destroyed by a horse rearing it’s hooves and all of a sudden he’s across the stables away from the horse with Lambert looking absolutely lost on how tf he just did that.

Geralt’s about to fall in a pond and somehow he’s now being dragged off and away from said pond by Vesemir even though Vesemir was a good few feet away from him.

Eskel’s in the way of some crazy drunk who’s about to crash into him but Vesemir’s already got his hand on Eskel’s arm and pulling him out of the way.

I also wanna say that his instincts not only move onto Ciri, but Jaskier as well saying as how they’re both probably seriously accidentprone.

[g-a-y-b-a-c-o-n]

For the high school au, imagine Geralt and Jaskier caught in the act by Lambert... poor baby is scarred for life and Vesimer (idk how to spell it, my bad) won’t stop teasing the three boys

E E I GWJGEJJ K ACE HUH S JU S

YE S.

Eskel sent Lambert to tell them that dinner was ready and after a minute Eskel and Vesemir just hear a scream and yelling and thumping. Lambert’s bolting down the stairs and runs straight for Vesemir and Eskel and Geralt runs down the stairs after him, hair a mess and blanket wrapped around his waist and yelling, “Do you not know how to knock?!” And they all stand there for a minute before Eskel’s doubled over laughing and Vesemir’s shaking from holding in his laughter and Lambert’s standing there, nearly in tears yelling that Geralt doesn’t know how to lock a door and they’re both telling Vesemir and Eskel to stop laughing because it isn’t funny and,

“I was scarred today!! My childhood his R U I N E D !!!”

And, “None of you know what fucking privacy is!! If I have a friend over y’all just burst into the room!!!”

All in all, let’s just say it was an awkward dinner with Eskel in tears from laughing so hard and Vesemir covering his face every five minutes when he looks at the three of them because he honest to god just wants to burst out laughing.

Jaskier’s just quietly eating, face bright fucking red while Geralt’s glaring at his family and Lambert’s stabbing his food aggressively.