A Forth Wall Breaking Thing
Also on ao3
Dadsona x Robert Small
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“Hey, Robert.”
“...yeah?”
“What if… I told you that I know of my many alternate selves.”
“Bullshit.” Robert was grinning.
“No, I’m completely serious!” You laugh.
“Yeah? Prove it.”
“I died by jumping off a waterfall in one of them. Another time, I died because I was being bad at dancing, and I smashed my head against a punch bowl. There was also one where I died by falling off a ferris wheel.”
“Are all your alternate self stories going to be about you dying?” Robert frowned. “Cause I’d rather not think about that.”
“Oh, well.” You lightly kiss Robert. “Not all of them are about me dying. In one of them, Hugo and Ernest end up getting a dog.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Would you believe me if I told you that Hugo was really into wrestling?”
“Okay, that’s definitely not true.”
“It’s totally true! In another, I actually got Craig to eat a brownie!”
“No.”
“Yes! And Damien is actually really scared of horror movies.”
“Do you have secrets about all the people in the cul-de-sac?” Robert asked.
“I do, but some people don’t have as many secrets as others, like Brian. His only secret was that he was a genuinely sincere person, which was apparently only a surprise to me. Others had secrets that literally everyone but myself knew. Except Joseph. There was this whole thing with Joseph in one alternate universe where he was a demon who tried to kill me, but I was saved by Mary, and then I was in this weird dream sequence, and long story short I escaped from the Margarita Zone.”
“...”
Shit. Fuck. You completely forgot about that thing Robert had with Joseph once. Goddamn it. You are a horrible boyfriend. What do you do? What do you do?
“There was also that one time where I kept reloading the save file because I HAD to get that one steam achievement where I got all the holes in one at the golf course.” You start rambling. “I also did that same thing to get a score of 2,000 on this fish minigame. Have I ever told you that I suck at fishing? I’m also allergic to shellfish. And afraid of whales. Nothing should ever be that big. Basically, anything involving the ocean I stay away from because the ocean is scary and can kill me and-”
“Jessie.”
I stopped when Robert said my name. What was I even talking about.
“I don’t really know what you were talking about, but something about you saying things like ‘save file’ and ‘steam achievement’ seem suspicious. What are you hiding?”
What are you supposed to tell him?
“Okay, so maybe I was lying about the alternate universes technically.” You might as well go with the truth. “What if... what if I told you that we were all in a video game. Nearly every single action we take is programmed, and everything we say is scripted. And I’m the main character.”
“Jessie, what the fuck?”
“I know, I know. It sounds crazy, right? But, I’ve known you for so long, and I want you to know about this. You see, the game is called Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator.”
“What?”
“I dated all the dads, Robert. All the dads in our cul-de-sac. I romanced Craig, Brian, Hugo, Mat, and Damien. I even romanced Joseph, though, in the end, he stayed with his wife. And, I dated you too.”
“What are you trying to tell me?” Robert glares suspiciously.
“I mean that, even though I dated all the other dads, I still came back to you. You were the one that I wanted to help and support the most. I could have chosen any other person, but I chose you instead. Because, you know what, Robert? I love you. I love you a lot, and I wanted to be able to share this love with you.”
“Oh...I…” Robert averts his gaze before bringing it back to you. “I love you, too.”
You probably lit up like the goddamned sun if the look Robert’s giving you is anything to go by.
“I still that that was an elaborate ruse to say that you love me.”
“You continue thinking that.”
You both laugh.
