Omg, what an episode!!! I loved seeing them all grown up and mature...I wondered what you thought about his: "you were a child" comment when he married Laena who was even younger than Rhaenyra. Does that mean he didn't care about sparing Laena at all? Wdyt?
Omg Anon, I've been obsessed with this episode since it aired. I loved everything about Daemon and Rhaenyra in this episode. EVERYTHING.
so you bring up a very interesting point anon. I think Daemon says this to Rhaenyra for a very specific reason.
He knows she wasn't an actual child. She was an adult at the time of their scandal, but Rhaenyra was still very young. Nineteen is a strange age because you're suddenly an adult, but you have zero life experience as an adult, so you're still a child in many ways, and I think Daemon became acutely aware of this fact at her wedding.
Rhaenyra, in all of her burning young passion, actually challenged him to take her away and wed her at her own engagement feast. She didn't care who saw them, heard them, or what he would do next. All she knew was this burning sense of attraction, love, and anger towards him. She didn't care if she provoked him to do something that would completely scandalize her and ruin her betrothal or her claim to the iron throne. I think that moment made Daemon realize that though rhaenyra clearly has a burning attraction to him, she's young, naive, and still searching for who she is and what she wants, and I think he realized that if he didn't stop what was happening between them, she would burn too hot too fast and would completely ruin herself.
I think he wanted to spare her from the potential consequences of their relationship at that moment in time and what the scandal would bring to Rhaenyra's life. They are so much alike. They both burn so hot and feel everything so strongly and deeply. There was no guarantee that Daemon and Rhaenyra would have been able to have the sort of relationship they get to have now. It could have been a tumultuous, toxic, hot mess that brought ruin to Rhaenyra, or it could have been amazing, but at that age, there was no way for Rhaenyra to know what this could potentially be, and she trusted him so much she would have happily followed him to her ruin if he had let her. Basically, I think Daemon thought out what he wanted completely, but he didn't have faith that she had actually thought any of this through, which means he would have had her in his life just as he wanted her, but she would potentially be walking into something that she doesn't actually want out of impulse and passion. This was the same Rhaenyra that slept with Criston and didn't even think about pregnancy and what that would mean as the heir to the throne, and she would have done the exact same thing with Daemon if he had let it happen. The same Rhaenyra just up and left her own tour because she was annoyed and bored even though it was a huge deal for her and planned by her father, the king. I think Daemon would have deeply regretted it if his entire relationship with Rhaenyra only existed because of her childish impulse and it didn't turn out well. He would have probably felt immense guilt for trapping her into something she would have run away from if she had more life experience.
This is why I absolutely LOVED that Rhaenyra was able to live a life and discover herself and then return to Daemon and say, "I want you". That "I want you" was said wholeheartedly, fully understanding what those words and what this relationship means to her. She's no longer a child, still figuring out what passion means, what love means, what lust means, what duty means, and what consequences come with every action she takes. She's a woman grown now, seeking him out, giving herself to him intimately with complete knowledge and understanding of what she's getting herself into, and THAT is why he spared her, because suffering for 10 years and having her this way was better than having her when she's not ready and being responsible for ruining her life.
It was different with Laena because Daemon's attraction to her was different, and their connection was different. With Laena, there was a curiosity and attraction there when he first interacted with her but there was none of the supercharged tension between them that was just waiting to explode like he had with Rhaenyra even before their relationship turned sexual. Laena seemed like a lovely woman with a lot of personality and spunk but Laena did not burn as hot as Rhaenyra, she never seemed as impulsive or as green about the world as Rhaenyra, so there was less danger of having a relationship that potentially consumed her even at her young age.
You also have to factor in that the Daemon is actually Rhaenyra's close family, which adds another layer to why he would feel the need to protect her from herself and him. He's seen her in all of her childish, petulant glory throughout her life. He knows her better than anyone else. He knows where she's at in life and how she behaves. He knows all her traumas. He cared deeply about her as his family long before he ever loved her romantically, which drives him to not hurt her and to sacrifice his own happiness and wants for hers. With Laena, there is no such pre-existing love and devotion driving him to not get involved with her, and the lack of innate fire between them meant getting involved with her wasn't as risky for Laena as it was for Rhaenyra. It was like marrying any stranger you've met and connected with for a brief moment.
Rhaenyra said it right when she said they were always meant to burn together, but sometimes starting the fire too early and when you're not prepared to handle it can be disastrous, and that's what Daemon wanted to spare her from. I love that a part of his actions turned out to be selfless, even if he hurt Rhaenyra deeply by abandoning her.