#daily chronicles

[girlmounter]

Mom literally said to my face

Why are you multitasking, showing us that you study while doing something else on your phone? Always surrounded by gadgets.

What little sanity and mental stability you have left will be destroyed.

[saphhoes]

5.24.17

- felt too gross to go to school today :/

- brother’s birthday - tacos with small children

- dbt tonight - might have someone new?

- someone i barely know irl found my other account??? okay then

- gotta finish that lab report whoops

[saphhoes]

5.23.17

- my stomach and arms are sore from dance, feels rewarding 

- ran out of time on trig test, used 504 to work through next period; spoke up about needs with success

- permanent sense of tiredness throughout day

- immune system!! 

- talked abt being gay with an emo girl by the bus stop 

- home dissociation 

[undisclosed-serendipity]

news flash: the scabs on my scalp are pink

what else is pink?

[undisclosed-serendipity]

I am so glad I bought the L’Occitane Fleur Cerise EDT finally - here’s to not smelling like fries when I leave work now~ 

[nastassialived]

05/20/2015: Today was the start of my first day as an intern in Star Cinema. It was quite funny how overwrought I was that day of my interview, mainly because it was my first time, and I was the first of my batch mates in school to start my internship. I had no one in class to relate to about the ridiculously simple struggles I had to go through during that short process, and I’m thankful that I have my best friends to calm me down, steer me away from over-reacting, and assure me that I just need to keep my head cool for it all to work out. I had a surprisingly good time today - well, work-wise, I wasn’t that shocked. I knew that I was going to enjoy being a brainstormer in the pre-production department since that’s where my forte lies, but I didn’t expect to get along well with other people. I’ve always had a struggle with connecting with strangers, especially those that are completely different from what I’m used to, but I’m grateful for this opportunity where I can actually meet diverse people and grow from their own different perspectives in life. I’m hoping that I can become good friends with them. 

03/28/2015: I went to an all-girls camp that was held in Enchanted Farm, Bulacan. It’s an event for girls who wants to make things happen! I started my summer right by joining this one-day occasion, especially since one of my favorite Literature professor was the co-founder of the Better Story Project, which was the group behind it all. I wanted to start taking that first step into doing... well, anything really, just to move forward in life. This was the perfect thing for me at that time. I was only able to write about the event now, but I learned a lot from that small, intimate gathering. 

One thing that stuck to me the most was the ff: 

Your work does not necessarily have to be your passion. Allow yourself to be versatile and open to all kinds of things. 

Don’t follow your dreams blindly - make sure you are still grounded. Keep a balance between working for your dream, and doing something that would help you earn enough resources to fund your needs/wants/dream.

If you want to actually make things happen, and if you want to truly live your dream, you have to accept the fact that what you want most in life would also be the one to give you the most difficulty and pain. Learn that there are always two sides in a coin, and your dream will give you both happiness and  suffering. 

Don’t quit... completely. It’s okay to fall and rest for a while. Allow yourself that. But start again, don’t quit completely. 

[nastassialived]

Daily Chronicles Part 3

When people ask me how many relationships I've had, I would pause for a moment, unsure of what to feel and react. There has always been a myriad of raw emotions attached to that particular box stored in my memories that I can’t just simply recall it all fondly with a soft smile, or respond in horror and cringe in embarrassment or bitterness. Then again, what does that matter? Relationships are messy of all things good and bad in this world, there would never be a right reaction for it. It was a long journey for me – five different expeditions with five different men, all crammed in my teenage years. The first one taught me that my pain does not have to rot inside the bowels of my flesh and allow it to poison my entire being slowly, insidiously – instead, I could plant the seeds of my anger through the soiled sheets of paper, stacked together inside empty leather-bound books, and have words grow till there was no more space left for death, only life. The second one taught me the value of my own voice, and helped me dig out the strength that is buried within all what was traditional and taught of me; my family may have been the reason for why I’m standing on my own two feet, but he was the one that reminded me that the world was my playground, and there were no fences to limit my potential, or to cage my dangerous thirst for the unknown.  The third one showed me how to accept the consequences of my choices, and that I must face them with the vulnerability to admit my mistakes, and the conviction to learn from them and move forward. The fourth one, ah, the fourth. He taught me what love should really be – I was the type that always threw herself away in the raging storm, but he sat me down and made me see the beauty in a calm, cloudless sky. Love was not forcing to enjoy adventure, love was realizing that I was a person who finds delight in eating sushi in bed and binge watching anime shows until dawn kisses the horizon. I am neither the kind that bathes herself in the tickling sprays of the ocean’s waves, with her arms stretched out towards the sky, screaming, “Ah, life, welcome!” Nor am I the kind that walks down the city streets embellished in clothes that scream wild youth. Love, for me, is simple and boring – and I have never been happier in its dull arms, nor do I wish for anything more. And the fifth? Well, do you know that famous saying about a love that can never be found twice? There is truth in those words, but that doesn’t mean that love can’t be found again with the same person. The first try with him was simply a fling that ended terribly, but the world has a sense of humor that I can’t quite comprehend, and it conspired to bring us back again – as changed people, and it was a fascinating thing, this love that we had/have. Having to relearn each other’s quirks, yet appreciating it in an altered light, uncovering the familiarity in each other’s warmth, yet discovering so much more, beyond anything that you thought you could ever know in a person. With him, I learned that truly, change is the only constant thing in this world, and that people are constantly growing, so there is always something new to learn. You just need to fan the flames of your curiosity, and keep it constantly burning.  

[yourlostearring]

today i had a 12:30 class where i had to turn in a paper and make a presentation and i woke up at like 1:10 so i didnt have time to eat or brush my teeth or wash my face or anything so i feel fuckin gross but its ok because i just got home and bought lunch and changed into my fave pants and i still feel gross but my roommate said i looked sexy lmfao she always says that but it was still nice even if its innaccurate