#daily observation

[visualcontinuum]

.377.

[cassandra-pentughasst]

Do het couples know how lucky they are? Like honestly? To be able to exist in public without fear? Like today I saw couples cuddling in public, holding hands, some guy groping his gf/wife’s ass (and slipping his fingers between the crack of her ass through her pants whilst their child was standing beside them). But when I was standing in line waiting for my lunch I saw two women walking hand in hand but when they got to the crowded part out the front of the restaurant I was waiting to get my take away meal from they let go of each other and put a visible distance between themselves. And you know what? It struck me as something that none of the other couples I was seeing around me, male and female, it struck me as something that they would never even think to worry about - walking through a crowd holding the hand of the person you’re in a relationship with.

Do het couples know how lucky they are to not have to think about that?

[dasumijr]

Tudesday

I really am not feeling taco Tuesday today. Maybe its what I need though. 

Accidentally sent “Good Morning Beautiful” to the tinder chick I haven’t met yet. I don’t know if she’s beautiful yet.. we haven’t met. #notakebacks

I have come to a theory I don’t love like many people. I believe in people and there are people I want to be around and there are people I will miss when they pass. For some reason though I just don’t know what it takes to quantify love.

Everything else in my life is almost on hold until I can make the cash to get by. I’m not scared but things are piling up and I am not making enough to get out from under it. 

I need to start running again, I feel like my body is slipping back to the chub.  

Cut back on people I am following that post porn. Trying not to trigger.  

Wild Flower has a heart condition. Her job that she currently as requires her to travel and audit offices as far as 2-3 hours from her home. She has been in the Orlando area for a couple months now. It’s wearing on her. She had an episode yesterday before leaving for work. and one after work. I am worried for her. I get to see her Tomorrow though. I don’t know when I will get to see her again after that. 

[liaagaa]

Oh, cómo adoro hacer muestras de colores.

[grrrhunted-thought]

I measure my life not in what I can have but in what I can give.

[librarycatalogs]

The Bus

The bus should pass by every other fifteen minutes despite the inefficiency. There's nothing efficient about worshiping a clock. The waiting is relentless. The waiting and complicated planning makes it all insufferable. Why is a ten minute car ride equivalent to a two and a half hour commute? I suppose that gives me the time to appreciate what I am. On the other hand, walking everywhere in flame frying heat sounds worse. The bus does not run at all hours of the day, seven days a week. It should, to give drunken vibrant people a chance to see the next sunrise on the way home. People do not want to enjoy the city during the midday. Why would anybody subjugate themselves to a constant melting routine? I do--however--appreciate the friendliness when I am greeted by the driver with my avoiding gaze and polite manners of thank yous and silence. The ride is deafening for some odd reason. All modes of transportation are loud with creaking knees and exasperated groans. The living metal with oil blood deserves rest too, I suppose. Buses are my friends, and I constantly hope for their lives to improve despite their routes and circumstances.

[t2l2rndm]

Resentment 2

Another aspect of pushing back when mistreated is that you do not allow too damaging things to happen. First, you let other people know that you are not the type that is easily being pushed around. This will benefit you directly in the future. Second, you create a barrier in your mind that prevents those destructive behaviors from other people from taking root. Since those, when they have been planted into your mind, are the seed of your resentment in the future. You will remember those moments when you are mistreated and apply the same behaviors when suitable (can be to the same and different people). Suppose you do not let those events happen by creating firm boundaries and communicating them clearly. In that case, there will be no unhappy memories to remember since they never happened in the first place.

[t2l2rndm]

Resentment 1

“Being nice is not a virtue,” Jordan Peterson said somewhere in his books or in interviews on the internet. I witnessed a (used to be) nice person become a borderline tyrant today after years of being friendly, of putting up with irritating encounters that they knew they should have pushed back but chose not to. They decided to be nice.

All those things in those years came back almost at once like a flash flood. The dragon they chose to ignore in those years now becomes a monster, and it seems there is nothing that can withstand its wrath. It’s sad. Because they are well aware that those situations have changed them in the wrong way. But the resentment has prevented them from doing differently, more peacefully, and constructively. They also seem to enjoy the revenge (although just a little bit). They justified their actions by the unfairness they had to endure.

You have to push back right away whenever you need to. There is no infinite amount of “nice” in you that you can generate whenever, wherever you want. I think each person has just a finite amount of “niceness” that they can use in their lifetime. When you borrow the “niceness” to use in the present, you have to pay them back with resentment and grudge in the future (and always plus interest, a massive amount of interest). So you have to use your limited “niceness” wisely.