#dammit man...

[asirentail]

Insanely jealous of ppl with Patreon memberships rn....

[emeraldjade]

The ultimate lazy struggle...

I really don’t want to get up and get out of bed right now, y’all...there’s a local TexMex place that delivers, but they only deliver if your order is a minimum of $50...I asked my best friend if I should stop being a bum and go get food since I haven’t gone grocery shopping yet OR should I continue being the ridiculously extra person that I am and order an insane amount of food just to have it delivered...My lovely bestie said to order the food and have it delivered....

I’m really about to do this...

[hells-mansion]

This has been happening a lot lately, to a very scary degree. Almost every week, or every other week, my mom has had to attend a wake. It’s mostly been for people who are a part of the fire department, sadly, there are a few who have been a close friend to her, or even a co-worker.

And, I think they’re all from the same cause

Heart Attacks

And that fucking scares me so badly. That’s the same way my best friend in middle school died, in his sleep, no less. I can still feel that pain in my chest when I heard the news, I can still see the look on my mom’s face as she left for work while I just sat there, at home, blankly staring at the tv, and I couldn’t even move, I didn’t want to move. I just stopped. And now, after hearing that one of my mom’s co-workers just passed away, it’s really starting to take it’s toll on me.

It’s recent but, the thoughts have been creeping up on me “You’re next” “So many things left unsaid” “You weren’t brave enough to step up and tell the truth” “Would you want to leave it like that?” “You might not have a choice soon” “You’re running on borrowed time” “You never know” “Say something, they deserve to know” “Or, are you scared? What are you scared of?” “Better do it fast” “Fess up”  “If you don’t it’ll be too late” “Speak up, or drop dead”

And that’s when my hands start to shake a little I feel something creeping up behind me There’s a feeling like something is about to say my name, but just keeps staring at me instead. I’ve never been good at this kind of thing, I don’t know how other people can handle it so easily. And this thing, this feeling, it’s just waiting for me to crack. Sad thing is, I feel like I’m pretty close to it too. I’m actually going to lose my mind at this rate.

How am I going to sleep tonight?

[tiny-cherry-pie]

I can't sleep :(