Dangerous Desires Chapter Two: Return to Me
Hello, I would like to begin by apologizing for my absence. I almost stopped writing this series because I lacked confidence in my writing. However, I have come to realize that the only way to improve is by practicing, and I really enjoy writing. My perfectionism got the best of me, and it stopped being fun. To sum it up, I am going to finish this book and update it more frequently. This chapter does not have any specific warnings, except for general violence related to criminal minds. Word count is ~2700
Natalie realized how much she took time for granted; she spent years snoozing her alarms for work, being late to plans she had made, and generally not being appreciative of every moment. She realizes how wasteful that was now. The team had been working non-stop since they stepped on the plane back in Virginia, and Heather still hadn't been found. Natalie was far from an optimist, but she gained some solace in her suggestion of working. Slessman put up no resistance, physically, at least during the raid.
However, Slessman seemed to be putting up mental resistance, or at least that's what it seems to be. Natalie was hauled up to a small room in the Seattle Police Station; she hadn't eaten, she was feeling dizzy, and her head was pounding. The fluorescents here were nothing like the BAU; they were a harsh white that seemed to taunt Natalie. She was sifting through old records of Slessman’s file, looking for anything that could help the team locate Heather, and picking up the phone that had been provided to her; it had been ringing all night. The people calling were well-meaning, but so far, none of the tips have been helpful.
Natalie had to stop what she was doing, and she was hit with an intense feeling of dizziness since she needed to eat to take her iron tablets. She pushed the files away and decided to go find the vending machine that she had seen earlier. Natalie felt an aching pain coming from her feet. She tried her best to ignore it and continued to walk on the carpeted floor. She left the room and felt a certain chill in the area. Slessman’s presence was haunting; she had only gotten a brief glimpse of him in handcuffs. His eyes were such a light blue that, under the fluorescent light, they were almost gray. He was so lanky that he almost looked sick. And the creepiest thing of all is that when they caught each other's eyes, he smiled at her. She felt like she was going to vomit at the sight.
His unnerving demeanor reminded her so much of—she stopped that thought. No, she, Natalie, wasn't going to allow herself to go there. Natalie hadn't paid attention to where she was going until she heard shouting. She froze, jittering uncontrollably. She looked down at her shaking hands. She took a deep breath and repeated the mantra she learned in therapy. “I’m okay; I'm not in danger, not right here.” She calmed down enough to stop shaking; she wished she was thankful she didn't freak out in front of her coworkers. They would have probably thought she was crazy; they would be right, though she felt crazy most days. She just wished she could get a grip on herself and be normal.
It wasn't until she reached a large, double-sided mirror, which is where she found the source of the yelling, that she wished that she hadn't. Agent Hotchner was disheveled, but in a way, Natalie only thought was possible in movies: he looked devastatingly handsome, his suit jacket was off, and he rolled up the sleeves of his shirt. He had been shouting so much that he worked up a sweat, causing his hair to stick to his forehand.
She hadn't heard the best things about him from Strauss; she thought he was arrogant and insubordinate, but some part of her couldn't help but admire him in his element. Either way, it was dangerous for her to admire him; she couldn't fall in love because she knew that. Aaron started to gather his things, clearly frustrated. Natalie scurried away, resuming her mission; she didn't like to deal with angry men. Aaron felt like he was being watched and wanted to figure out from where, but was interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing "Hotchner.” He responded that he was filled with the melodious voice of the tech assistant. “Tell me you love me." Aaron usually appreciated Garcia’s playfulness, but he was not in the mood.
"Garcia, the interrogation went nowhere; I don't have time for this.” Aaron tried not to take out his frustration on Garcia, but it still seeped through.
"Okay, fine, I’ll get to it after Reid theorized about there being another Unsub. I did some research on the name that Slessman's grandma gave, and it turned out to be an intimate name that he was infatuated with.” Garcia responded, “Garcia, you're an angel. Thank you!” Aaron huffed out a bit of praise.
"So, how’s it going with the new agent?” Garcia asked Aaron, figuring that Morgan had already told her about how he froze this morning like an idiot.
“It's going fine.” He simply responded that he wanted to focus on finding Heather, not his unprofessionalism this morning.
“Derek told me you were staring her down this morning; does someone have a crush?” Garcia whispered back in response. Aaron sighed; he knew Garcia was going to ask about that.
“Garcia, there is a woman's life at stake, so let's please focus on that.” Aaron simply replied back in a tired tone.
“Alright, I got it. I will stay on topic, but I didn't hear a no.” Garcia perked up, laughing to herself.
“Goodbye, Garcia. Call back only if it's about the case.” Aaron responded a little sternly, shutting off his phone. Natalie didn't know what to think. The woman was right; he didn't deny that he didn't have a crush on her, which almost made her excited, but that feeling was quickly overtaken by nausea. No, he couldn't love her; he was just trying to get the woman off the phone, that's all. Natalie assumed Aaron had left, so she let out a sigh and was frightened when his voice announced, “Who’s there?”
Natalie panicked and then realized how stupid she was for being scared. It was unlikely her boss would do anything, especially not in a police station, so she revealed herself. She immediately regretted that decision. When she saw Agent Hotchner's face fall, she realized she was in a compromising position.
“I know how this looks." She realized that she had fallen into a clique, which is not what it looks like, but what else can you say when your boss thinks you may have been spying on him? He didn't say anything for a few moments; she felt her palms getting sweaty, and her throat got dry. Then he started to move closer to her until he was so close that his breath was blowing on her, and then her heart started to race. “What was happening?” she thought. He looked straight into her eye, his expression unreadable.
"So then tell me what exactly was happening, because to me, it looks like you’re spying on me.” Now that she understood his expression, he was angry with her.
She stammered, “I wasn't; I was just trying to find a vending machine.” He moved even closer to her, which she didn't realize was even possible.
Aaron was angry; he disregarded how his heart sped up being so close to Agent Price, but now his suspicions were confirmed that she was mainly an inside person from Strauss. It was no secret that his superior and he, to put it lightly, had differences in where they had seen the BAU going, and he was constantly fighting to keep it running. Deep down, Aaron knew that's not really why he didn't like Natalie; the real reason wasn't her fault and had everything to do with him. “Let me make something clear, Agent Price. I know why you really took this job, and I refuse to let you shut down the BAU. You may have fooled someone else, but not me.”
Natalie was very confused. It was true that she had an ulterior motive for working at the BAU, but it had nothing to do with him. She nearly laughed at the accusation that she was some evil mastermind trying to shut down the BAU from the inside.
Then she got mad: “I’m no one, Lacky Agent Hotchner, and you must not be a very good profiler if you think otherwise. She nearly spit, staring him straight in the eyes. He didn't say anything, but Natalie heard the rumblings of people around her and quickly stepped back. From an outside look, it could look like two people about to—well, not threaten each other.
Aaron didn't take his eyes off of her, though. “Then why did you take this job? It's no secret that Strauss wants to dismantle this team; why are you here then?” Natalie couldn't answer that because she was here for somewhat selfish reasons. She just held her head down, not meeting his eyes. “I can’t tell you that," she whispered.
Aaron swallowed, but she still felt the heat of his gaze. Aaron felt a pit forming in his stomach. “That's what I thought.” Aaron stepped back, and soon after, Morgan called him to discuss something about the case. Natalie decided to just go back to her room, forgoing her original mission of trying to find something from the vending machine.
Slessman's cellmate was a dead end; literally, he had been dead for 2 months, and Agent Hotchner decided to call for a break until the morning at this news. Nobody wanted to, but there were also no leads, and everyone was exhausted. They pulled into the hotel they would be staying in until they found Heather. Or the killer struck again; Natalie just tried to focus on the hotel. It was pretty gaudy, covered in lights, and probably 10 stories high. It came with a full staff that doted on the entire team. Natalie didn't like being doted on, and she couldn't help but think about how much money just one night would be here. She always thought about how much money something was worth. That's just a result of growing up poor, she guesses.
It was going to take about an hour to get their rooms ready, and since room service was closed for the night, the team had no choice but to go out for dinner. If Natalie didn't have to take her medications, she would have just sat in the lounge until her room was ready. She felt numb; doing anything but help Heather felt wrong, especially when she had the means to help her. But she was back in another SUV, and this time she rode with JJ and Prentiss; she couldn't stand to be near him. No one said anything; there was nothing that really mattered except Heather, so they just listened to the radio. They pulled up to a diner, which had a large sign illuminated in the front: "Hanks.” It read that the outside was packed with cars, which gave Natalie hope that the food was at least decent. The rest of the team was already sitting inside.
“They must have sped here.” Prentiss laughed as the women made their way to the team.
They took up nearly two tables. Natalie strategically sat near Morgan and Reid, hoping that they would just bicker with each other and pretend that she didn't exist. That didn't happen, though Morgan spoke up first. “You don't talk much,” he said, with his usual smirk on his face. Natalie almost dropped her hamburger; she didn't think anyone cared about what she had to say. She took a bite, fully chewing, before she spoke. “I just talk when I have something important to say.” Apparently, this was funny because Reid spoke up. “Maybe you should take some notes, Morgan.” Morgan rolled his eyes at that.
Natalie turned her attention back to her hamburger, savoring every bite. Morgan clearly wasn't okay with this, though. “Well, how are we supposed to become friends if you don't talk?” He posed this as a glaring problem, and Natalie was even more confused. “You want to be my friend?” She asked; it would take her around 5 seconds to name all the friends she had, and she wasn't that committed to making any others. Regardless, she didn't mean to sound so surprised; it wasn't like she didn't want to be friends with him; she was just weary of men, which wasn't his fault. She wasn't friends with anyone back at Narcotics, so she assumed it would be the same here.
"Of course, and friends know things about each other, so what's your deepest secret?” He prodded.
“My deepest secret? She replied skeptically; she didn't know what to reply to. He was definitely making fun of her, she thought. Her face felt hot, and she spent all of her energy trying not to think about her deepest secret, which naturally had the opposite effect.
Reid sensed some anxiety from Natalie; he knew that Morgan was just messing around, but something about this question seemed to really bother her. So he decided to switch the conversation: “Diners, originally called lunch cars and contrary to popular beliefs, emerged in the 1920's; however, they were made popular in the 1950's." Reid continued to spout facts about diners, but Natalie had subtly tuned out, and the more she figured out what her deepest secret was,.
“I didn't like the first Scream movie," she replied, not talking to anyone in particular. She was met with a gasp by Reid. “How could you not like the first Scream movie? It changed cinematic history forever.” Apparently, Reid likes movies. Natalie thought, “I don't know; I thought the characters were annoying, and at a certain point, I wanted them to all die, I guess. She took a pause. “I think it would have been much more interesting if Dewie was one of the ghost faces.” The team started to laugh at the banter between the two, and for the moment, Natalie felt relaxed and at peace. For a moment, she forgot about why they were at the diner in Seattle; she forgot about how her boss hated her; she forgot about what her therapist had described as an avoidant attachment style; and she just enjoyed the moment.
The wheels in Spencer’s head were turning though, and his thoughts were going a million miles a minute. Eventually, he spoke up: “Natalie, I think you may be onto something.” Everyone stopped laughing and looked at Reid, interested in what he had to say next. “I think we were right about having two unsubs, but what if we were not looking for an inmate but a correctional officer?” The team pondered this and snapped back to reality; apparently, plans had changed and sleep was off the table again. Everybody had finished their last sips of milkshakes and taken the final bites of their food. Natalie was confused about how the doctor had even arrived at that conclusion, but she didn't question it.
What she did question was why Agent Hotchner insisted on dropping her off at the hotel. She knew that they had argued earlier, and maybe she wasn't as helpful as the others could be, but she didn't think she would be taken entirely out of the investigation. He didn't look at her at all during the ride and just turned on the radio. Natalie certainly wasn't going to make conversation, so they sat in silence. She wondered why he even bothered to drop her off, if he hated her that much. It was clear why he didn't just ask one of the officers to do it; in fact, why did he even care about her safety? It was these contradictions that made her furious. Natalie just got out silently when they arrived at the hotel and mumbled a thank you to Aaron.
It was two a.m. when Natalie heard the news that Heather Woodland was found alive. She had to live with lifelong trauma, but she was alive and was returned to her family. Natalie was grateful that she was alright but worried about her recovery. She knew firsthand what it was like to deal with lifelong trauma. Reid was the first person to call her and tell her the news, and she was grateful for that too. Natalie felt like she could finally sleep; she had been fighting it for hours, just staring at the ceiling, wondering if her newly found friends were being shot at or had even died. Natalie was quickly learning how different things worked at the BAU, and even though Aaron would never believe her, Natalie really didn't want to shut it down.
