Daniela Adamson // PCSU // By Faith
Hey! I'm Daniela, I'm 18 and in my final year of PC studying History, RE and Health and Social Care, hoping to become a Pediatric Nurse. OHHH and I'm madly in love with God.
I'm going to take a guess that eyebrows were raised at my second statement. A solid 99.9% of you thought;
'You defs weren't madly in love with God when you were swearing today.'
'Or when I saw you downing that Magners...'
'Dani, you're being kinda hypocritical with that one.'
I'm not here to tell you that I'm not a hypocrite, because that's one thing I most definitely am. I'm inclined to the occasional alcoholic beverage, a swear word will be said too often, I will gossip all day and all night and while I'm being completely honest, recently I haven't been head over heels in love with God. I've actually been really angry at Him, confused by Him and heartbroken by Him.
I blame God for my feelings of loneliness.
I blame Him for not showing me the plans He has for me.
I blame Him for not answering my prayers.
I blame Him for not giving me what I want.
I blame Him for the pain that my friends were going through.
My life was consumed by these feelings daily and although I would greet you with a smile everyday (or most days) in school, in the back of my mind these thoughts would build and build. Therefore a night out with my friends seemed like the perfect opportunity to forget all my problems. When I was angry or annoyed swearing was an outlet for that. To make myself feel better I would gossip about other people.
All those things helped, for a while, but at the end of the day/night when I was alone, there was only one person I knew could heal the broken heart that I had: God. I had put up so many barriers and all I wanted was for God to break them down. But every time I prayed or cried for help - nothing happened.
See I wanted God to do all these things for me, to make me happy. I was leaving no room for His plans in my life. I continually asked God why me?
But why not me?
Why do I think I get a free pass to not suffer in this world?
The the penny dropped and things changed - it wasn't that God just came and changed everything and I have been happy ever since. Instead God has given me peace that in those situations He has put me in, He will be there.
Matthew 20:20 - 'And surely I am with you always, to the end of the age.'
I blamed God for everything yet not once did He blame me for putting His son on that cross.
To those in PC, my family, my friends, anyone whose path I have crossed, from the bottom of my heart, I am sorry for not showing you a true representation of God. If you have based your opinion of God on me and my actions, I really want to change that.
Because God is love.
And the explanation of love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 is:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. LOVE NEVER FAILS.
I fail every single day.
God doesn't.
So the ultimate message I want to say is, God loves me even with all the sin in my life meaning He loves you with all the sin in your life no matter what it is. Please don't base your opinion on God on all the things I do wrong, and the times when I am a hypocrite. He is SO great. I really don't want you to miss out on Him and the plans He has for you. You'll see me in school and I will probably be exactly the person I described at the start, the person I really wish I wasn't, but know by the grace of God, I am trying.
As a human full of sin, I will change everyday and I will fail everyday.
But God, He never changes and He never fails.
It baffles me why He chooses me despite everything that I do. He chooses you too, all you have to do is say yes.
I promise you, you won't regret it.