#danny brooks

[willowsfanarts]

x marks the spot - latest artwork

[white-collar-lawmen-and-conmen]

Marbles

Summary: Ellen isn't the only person who knew Neal Caffrey before he became Neal Caffrey.

Word Count: 7,333

Requested by anonymous; photo credit is Jeff Eastin's Twitter

St. Louis, 1984

            Kids at school called you Marbles because you always had a little bag of them with you. You knew even then that the nickname was supposed to be mean, but it had never gotten under your skin. You just laughed along, because, yeah, it was kinda weird that you carried marbles, but you played with them all the time and loved it. And before long, they were calling you Marbles because it stuck, not because they were laughing at you.

            Marbles were just great fun. And in second grade, whenever you had extra time, your teacher would let you play with them and a classmate or two so long as your other work was already done. After a couple of weeks into the school year, you had a few people you would regularly play with. Danny was one of them. His bright blue eyes made him stand out from the boys at his table. He was cute, but at seven, you still preferred puppies to boys.

            The first day he talked to you, you’d been bouncing some marbles on the carpeted floor to stay quiet, staring at them intently and trying to devise a new game in your head. Danny sat cross-legged and asked if he could play. Abandoning your half-baked game, you reached up to your desk and grabbed a piece of paper from your class folder, quickly drew the circles to represent a mancala board, and divided the marbles. Danny beat you on his first try. That was when you knew you liked him. You gave him a bag of your marbles so he could make new games, too.

            From then on, you played together whenever you could, but scarcely stuck with one game for very long. You were both easily bored by the simple games that marbles allowed, so you fiddled with the rules, tampering with the game play to see what would happen. Sometimes you created entirely new games, sometimes incorporating other tools that were easy to carry in school or to the park, like a set of dice or an origami fortune teller.

            By Christmas that same year, you’d started to exhaust your options and branched out into other ways of entertaining yourselves. Cards were good for quick games, and the randomness of a good shuffle kept games interesting for longer. Puzzles were great for you both, but they took too long to do at school and you could only play them when you had a playdate or sleepover. Eventually, you settled on codes and ciphers as your mutual favorite activity. You could create them when you were together and have secret communications, or you could create them separately and challenge each other to solve them. You liked to base yours on symbols and books. Danny liked incorporating math. By the end of the school year, you had a collection of codes of varying complexity.

St. Louis, 1986

            After nearly two years of friendship, you and Danny snuck downstairs to his aunt Ellen’s TV to watch a new movie. It was called The Color of Money. With a shelf of adult movies in front of you, you were way more interested in the popular titles you recognized, like Ferris Bueller and Top Gun, but Danny convinced you to give Scorsese a try and you never regretted it. That movie introduced you two to the world of gambling. As cynical nine-year-olds, you weren’t really interested in the idea of gambling so much as the behavior of people who did it – and the methods behind milking out the most rewards for the least risks.

            It took some needling and permission from your parents, but Ellen finally agreed to teach you both how to play poker. One Friday, she picked you both up from school, took you to the store to pick out a box of your favorite candies, and used the chocolates in place of money. With bowls of candy at stake, you learned what cards you wanted, when to fold, and how to count the multicolored plastic poker chips. Initially, Ellen hadn’t wanted to teach you to bluff on principle of not encouraging children to lie, but they had bluffed in all the movies, so you and Danny both tried it without her suggestion. She was exasperated, but amused by your complete failure. Danny had much better results, and when Ellen went to bed and left you to either play cards or watch a movie, he told you that when you lied, you always lifted your chin, like you were daring someone to call you on it.

            You both had detention the next week for trying to use poker to win your classmates’ brownies at lunch.

St. Louis, 1989

            When you were twelve, Nintendo came out with the Game Boy. Neither of your families had the kind of money to spend on a game system like that, so you and Danny decided you could team up to buy one for yourselves to trade back and forth. It was better to have the hot new thing sooner than later, even if it meant taking turns. You took out a sheet of paper to figure out how long it would take if you pooled your money together; even with the little bit of spare allowances you had socked away, you both still needed to save over thirty dollars each.

            In hindsight, what happened next was probably your parents’ first red flag.

            Sixty-four bucks, for a couple of kids in the late eighties, was a lot of money, and you were both too young to legally get jobs. Divide and conquer, however, had already demonstrated merit when it came to convincing your parents of letting you go to the fair or the movies, so why not divide and conquer to raise cash? All you needed was enough people contributing. But then came the problem that if they contributed, they’d feel entitled to your Game Boy. It was for the two of you, not anyone else. So they would need to be paid back by money you got from somewhere else.

            To summarize a long story, and explain many angry phone calls from your peers’ parents, you and Danny essentially ran a pyramid scheme to raise the money for a Game Boy, enticing kids in your old elementary school to pay forward their allowance to your first- and second-round financiers in your middle school. When you were caught, you were grounded for months – but by this point, you were both well-practiced at sneaking between each other’s houses and hiding things in your rooms, and you had a Game Boy.

            Your parents’ anger and the way your little sister’s friends’ parents treated you made you realize you’d done something morally wrong. It was humiliating and shameful to be looked at that way. Danny didn’t take it as hard as you did. It rolled off his back once Ellen was back to treating him the way she always had. Danny needed to be liked, and he was liked a lot, because he was cute, and smart, and didn’t bully girls at school, and now he had a Game Boy, so he didn’t mind that kids in a different school and their parents he never saw thought badly of him. It didn’t affect him day to day the way that the guilt started to carve into your self-esteem.

            In hindsight, that was your first red flag that there was something a little bit off about Danny. When you brought it up to him, he genuinely didn’t see why you felt so bad. You hadn’t lied to those little kids, and after all, each one only sacrified a couple of dollars. You couldn’t articulate just why, but you needed to make it right. In the end, Danny helped you make it up to the kids by handing back out a portion of your allowances for a few weeks and helping out with their homework, but you knew he’d only done it because he was sad to see you so upset.

            You couldn’t deny how great it had felt to accomplish something so quickly, and Danny had boasted for weeks about how persuasive he’d been, but you made an agreement that from then on you wouldn’t hustle kids anymore. Danny pouted about it a little because they were such easy marks, but he agreed to keep you happy. When your wrongs were righted, you felt restored, and you got back to your regular mischief – but you were much more cautious of whether you were being clever or just unethical.

St. Louis, 1992

            High school was an entirely different beast from middle school. You and Danny kept sending each other coded letters and hanging out on the weekends, but he was the one who got caught up in how girls looked twice at him and how guys wanted to be his friend. Danny joined the cross-country team, partly to spend more time with those friends and partly to keep in shape to apply for the police academy after high school, and started to pursue girls. He had a new girlfriend every other month. And it meant, altogether, that there was less time for you – so you followed his lead and joined your own clubs, made your own friends.

            In freshman year, there had been a rumor that you were dating. You’d loudly opposed it. You had eyes and could see that he was hot, and you didn’t think you’d ever be happy with anyone less smart, or less kind to you, but the idea of kissing Danny just made your stomach turn. There was one time when he started dating a cheerleader who made the mistake of threatening to “ruin” you if you didn’t back off of “her” Danny – he dumped her as soon as you told him what happened. So, although you didn’t have as much time to spend with each other, there was never any doubt that you were still best friends.

            You still liked friendly competitions, and found ways to work together to make quick money or convince your parents that what you wanted to do or see was a good idea. But something about high school flipped a switch in Danny. Maybe it was all the teachers saying now was the time to shape up. Suddenly, everything he did was in light of being like his father. Danny had always idolized his dead dad, and you couldn’t bring yourself to criticize him for that, even when it made him sort of a buzzkill. Did he really think that none of the city cops had ever snuck some liquor from their mom’s freezer? And goodbye to any manipulative schemes – even if your conscience hadn’t stopped you, Danny’s ambitions would have. He still had no moral compunctions about taking from people who didn’t need what they had, but for the fact that it was illegal and could jeopardize his future as a cop.

            “Cop this, cop that,” you complained once, playfully shoving at his arm. “Am I gonna have to become a criminal to force you to loosen up?”

            “You wouldn’t dare,” Danny responded with absolute confidence. “You wouldn’t like prison.”

            You’d scoffed. “You’d turn in your best friend?!”

            He gave you a cheeky grin. “If my best friend’s not smart enough to get away with crimes, she shouldn’t be committing them.”

St. Louis, 1995

            You weren’t sure what you wanted to do after high school. Your parents were supportive of whatever you wanted to do, but they hoped you’d at least give college a try; but without any idea what you wanted to actually do, you couldn’t justify spending that much money on it to yourself. The more you thought about what you really loved to do, you kept coming back to games and puzzles. It had been years since anyone called you Marbles, but the passion that bonded you and Danny had persisted.

            It was when you were watching the new Will Smith detective movie that you realized maybe you and Danny had this in common, too. He wasn’t just going to be a great cop because of his father; it was because he had a knack for solving puzzles. Maybe investigating was your great calling in life. How cool would it be to be detectives together??

            You sat on it for a few weeks, thinking it over before telling Danny you were going to apply, too. That way he wouldn’t know to be disappointed if you changed your mind. In the end, you never did get to tell him. You were still thinking about in by his eighteenth birthday.

            You’d already agreed to go to the mall together so you could buy him dinner, but he never came to get you like he’d said he would. You called his home, but no one picked up, so you called his aunt’s neighboring house instead. Ellen had answered and tiredly said that it wasn’t a good time. Assuming they’d had a fight, you let it be and minded your business, changing your plans when it became clear that the mall was off.

            The next morning, you left to go get him before walking to school, just to make sure he was feeling okay. He and Ellen rarely fought; Danny tried so hard to be on his best behavior for her, even before he’d straightened up to make sure he got into the police force. You noticed the post on your mailbox was up and detoured, and took out a piece of folded paper. No envelope and no stamp – just your name on one of the trifolds.

            Assuming it was another coded letter, you eagerly unfolded it to see what kind of patterns you were working with and mull it over on the way to school. To your disappointment, it was plain English. And, to your horror, it was an apologetic goodbye note.

            You sprinted several streets away to the Brooks house and pounded on the door. No one answered. You were almost panicking, considering grabbing the extra key Danny had told you about, before Ellen next door caught your eye, waving for you to come over. You jumped off the porch and ran in, dumping your backpack by the doorway to show her the note. The blonde woman barely glanced at it before saying, “I know. I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

            It was surprising how clearly you could remember that moment all these years later, especially when what came next felt like a blur of colors and motions melting together. You think Ellen sat you on her couch and poured you some tea. She made you sit and breathe before she explained to you that she’d caught Danny – Neal – signing an application for the police. He was so eager to do it the moment he’d turned eighteen, that Ellen hadn’t had a choice. She’d had to tell him he couldn’t, because Danny Brooks wasn’t his real name; and even if it were, he needed to know that his motivation, the story he’d been telling himself for years, was a lie.

            Ellen told you that the Brooks family were actually in Wit-Sec. That Danny’s real name was Neal Bennett, and that his father had been a cop, but a dirty one. That Ellen wasn’t really his aunt, but his corrupt dad’s police partner, who had testified against him and asked to be relocated near Neal, just to make sure the little boy grew up safely. That Neal had been too young to remember. That he had run away, and she didn’t think he was coming back.

            Ellen – you still didn’t know if that was even her real name – let you sit on her couch for hours, staring at the floor, drinking the tea she poured mindlessly after it had gone cold, and crying with grief. It was the one and only time she’d ever condoned playing hooky from school. She rubbed your back for a little while, and then let you sit in silent shock while she went about cleaning. It took you an embarrassingly long time to realize that she wasn’t just cleaning, she was packing. Packing to leave. Because people were going to wonder why Neal had disappeared, and maybe the cops would get involved, and maybe her and Neal’s mother would both be in jeopardy.

            Ellen gave you a small box of Neal’s belongings that she thought you’d want. In the bottom was the bag of marbles you’d given him in second grade.

            Life was never the same after Neal left. Your best friend was gone. You figured, hey, he’d always been street-smart, the odds were pretty good that he was still alive; but the way he disappeared, the odds were also pretty good that you would never see him again, so to you, he may as well be dead. You thought of him sometimes (often) and hoped he was okay, when you weren’t wishing he would come home or cursing his fake name for making you care and then abandoning you without the decency to say goodbye to your face.

            You had so many questions in the coming weeks, but the day after Neal had vanished, so had Neal’s not-aunt, along with any opportunities for closure. Once, a few days later, you scraped up the guts to use that hidden key he’d showed you and let yourself into his and his mom’s house. It was completely empty, but left in disarray, with scraped paint, peeling wallpaper, dust settled deep in the rug corners. It had been a long time since you’d spent time together there, rather than in Ellen’s, and now you knew why. With hindsight, and a psychology degree, you were reasonably sure that Neal’s mother had been fighting depression his whole life, and most of the house felt the same.

            To make it worse, Danny had been such a beloved part of the school community that in the two months between his disappearance and your graduation, everything under the sun passed under the rumor mill. At first the cops investigated. They talked to you, interrogated you. One of them made you cry by insinuating you were secretly in love with him, and killed him because he’d been dating some chick on the track team. Another rubbed your shoulder and offered you cocoa because he “couldn’t possibly imagine how cofused you’re feeling”. And the whole time, you felt compelled to lie, choking on your tongue and stumbling through how he missed your plans on his birthday and left a note the next morning. You left out the part where you’d talked to Ellen, because what the hell were you supposed to do? Out her as a witness? Admit that Danny Brooks was such a deep lie that even he hadn’t known about it?

            Whatever the correct procedure was, no one had bothered to tell you about it. But you were reasonably certain that whoever was in charge of securing the Bennetts, and Ellen, they had caught wind of the investigation, because rather suddenly, all the police activity stopped. You were left alone, and so was his girlfriend, and the guys he played soccer with. The only way they would drop a missing persons case that hard and that quick was if the feds stepped in and told them to back off.

            Your parents, and even your little sister, knew that something was off about you. You’re reasonably sure that your entire family knew you knew something you weren’t sharing. But after weeks of trying to comfort you and get you to open up, they started to let go, trusting that if you knew anything actionable, you would have shared to protect your friend.

            The police letting it go didn’t end the nightmare for you, though, because the talk at school continued. The US Marshals couldn’t tell everyone to shut up and mind their business. Some people thought Danny had run away from his mother, others thought he’d been kidnapped and trafficked. Some thought he’d knocked up a girl and they ran away, but that one ended when the girl came back to school, and it turned out she’d had the flu. Some people thought you must have had something to do with it, because you’d been so close for so many years. Those people really got to you, because in truth, you could hardly believe you’d known the boy for most of your lives and never suspected he was anything else.

            March trudged into April and April slipped into May, and your graduation crawled closer. You were announced as valedictorian. When you went to get the honors sash to wear over your gown, the administrator compassionately told you that Neal would have been valedictorian, had he been there, so though they knew it must be hard, you should keep your head up and be proud enough for the both of you. That just made it even harder to get through. What was supposed to be one of the best days of your life was one of the darkest. A huge shared milestone was lonely. Neal had run away, left you picking up the pieces in a shattered social circle, and now you were taking his place, and somehow someone else had figured out he had that tiny edge over your GPA, and a picture of you in your cap and gown giving your speech was put on a blog along with an accusation that you killed him or threatened him away so you could be valedictorian.

            You had to get the hell away. Every unnecessary second you spent in your neighborhood, in your school, in the city you used to share felt like it was scratching at your skin. The application cycle for colleges was long closed, but you took your savings, promised to call your parents every day, and moved to California, as far away as you could get. There, you got a job, found a shitty apartment to share with a girl who minded her own business, and scraped by until you could apply to college.

Palo Alto, 1999

             High school valedictorian had felt like a hollow and bitter loss more than anything, rubbing salt in the wound that Neal was gone. In the four years of college since, you’d made plenty of friendly acquaintances, and even some good friends, but none as good as Neal.

            You’d visited the school counselor a few times. Told her, minus what you knew about Neal and Wit-Sec, what had happened to drive you all the way from St. Louis to Palo Alto for school. She’d been incredibly sympathetic, even as she suggested that perhaps there had been some trauma mixed in with the grief. Looking back, you could accept it for what it was. You lost your best friend, on multiple levels, and then members of your community turned on you, accusing you of the worst. And, though you were still the only one who knew, the whole time you’d been holding onto a secret boring through your soul that you couldn’t share with anyone.

            College graduation felt… much different. Like a success. You were proud of yourself. Sad to see it go but happy you’d made it out the other side, not just of a program but of the grief that had clenched you so tightly. This was what graduation was supposed to feel like. You weren’t valedictorian – or whatever the university equivalent was – this time, but you were graduating with honors, and had an acceptance to a graduate program in hand, so there was that.

            Your whole family made the trip to see you graduate. As you walked across that stage, receiving a piece of paper bound in ribbon, you wished once again that Neal would’ve been there to celebrate with you, and hoped that he was okay, then found your family in the crowd and beamed at them brightly, tears pricking in your eyes with joy. Your sister was doing her best to be both supportive and embarrassing by wearing an obnoxiously neon shirt with your name on it.

            You faltered in your steps across the stage, just for a second, when you saw the face in the crowd grinning from behind your father. They were so far away, it was kind of hard to see, but for just a second, you could’ve sworn…

            You got nudged from behind and had to look down to safely get off of the stage steps. When you were out of the way of the procession, you looked for your family again and stood on your toes to see around your parents. The face you thought you’d seen was gone. You looked down to the rolled paper in your hand, proclaiming you’d earned a bachelor’s degree in psychology, and shook your head; you, of all people, should know the power of wishful thinking.

            Your parents took you back by your apartment to change out of your regalia before going for a celebratory meal. You hurried up the steps in your dress heels, eager to get out of the heavy robe, but stopped cold just on entering the front door. Sitting on the cheap kitchen table was a bouquet of flowers and a little bag of marbles.

            Your gut response was to clear the apartment like they did in the cop movies, but you didn’t have a gun or a taser or even pepper spray, so if you searched and found someone, you were really just putting yourself in more danger. Cautiously, you inched towards the table, along the way recognizing the flowers as the kind that you used to admire while walking to school. When no one jumped, and you didn’t feel unsafe getting closer to the table, you slowly picked up the bag of marbles. The little beads clinked together. You held them up for inspection and realized that they were color tinted, but still mostly translucent, and inside each was a clay creature. Your favorite animal, sculpted and suspended in resin.

            No one had given you marbles, or called you by that name, in years. You hadn’t carried them anywhere since middle school. And you certainly couldn’t have told anyone what your favorite flowers were when you didn’t even remember what they were called.

            The marbles, the flowers, and the face you thought you’d seen at the ceremony all added up to mean one thing to you, and instead of changing your clothes, you sat at the table with the marbles in your hand and had a good, solid cry for a few minutes. Then you stored your new marbles with shaking hands in your so-called Neal Box and put the flowers in some water. You couldn’t decide if you were happy, sad, or furious, but it all boiled down to one thing: he was alive. And still thought about you, just like you still thought of him. And that was something to celebrate, even if your family didn’t know it wasn’t just your graduation that you were happily crying over.

Quantico, 2001

            Completing your Master’s degree was your new proudest achievement, but though there wasn’t anything bad about that graduation, when you walked the stage, you’d hoped to catch another glimpse of a familiar face. No such luck. You still weren’t too worried. Ever since getting those beautiful marbles, you’d gotten an anonymous postcard every once in a while. There was usually a little note on them in one of your oldest, simplest ciphers. Nothing complex, but enough to let you know that he was okay, and he was thinking of you.

            Sometimes you wondered why he didn’t ever just come say hello if he missed you. Yes, you were a part of Danny Brooks’ history. But if Neal Bennett had had to reinvent himself out of a lie, did that have to mean shunning everything about who he’d been?

            Still, a note once in a while was better than the four-plus years you spent with radio silence, hoping he was alive, knowing it was even probable, but with no proof and no way of verifying.

            Shortly out of your Master’s program, you were accepted into the FBI. A couple of internships during school had showed you that you weren’t interested in clinical practice, nor did you think you really had the drive to push through a doctorate program, so you looked for ways you could use your degrees to solve puzzles, returning to that lifelong passion for an intelligent challenge. You found the bureau, and other members of the alphabet soup, but especially the bureau. It was probationary, but you were in, and it was time to head to Quantico.

            The physical exercises were draining. You’d never been so active in your life. Still, the mental exercises were more entertaining than not, so long as they didn’t get so repetitive. Your very favorite instructor took the class of recruits through prolific cases that hadn’t quite become public knowledge, or cold cases that still had yet to be solved. Unlike a documentary, instead of telling you step-by-step what had happened, he prompted and prodded at the agents in training to work their way through themselves. You excelled at this exercise and it proved to you that, although you’d have to work hard to secure a role where you could choose to work on these types of cases, the opportunity was there. That was what you wanted to work towards.

            At least, it was your favorite class. Your emotions changed the day that you were shown pictures of inductees into the FBI’s Most Wanted ranks. Because, to your horror, you recognized one of those faces. He was six years older, but there was no chance you wouldn’t have recognized him. Not him.

            “Not him,” you nearly whispered out loud, barely catching yourself before your tongue moved in your mouth. You drank in all the information they had on him – suspected of bond forgery, along with a litany of other crimes, and dubbed James Bonds, because they had no clue what his real name was.

            You had a split second choice to make, and you felt the pressure beating down on you. Either betray your best friend and turn him in to the FBI, or betray the moral conscience you’d long since sworn to live by – along with the bureau you were about to swear to serve.

            It was an easier choice than it should have been. It would haunt you, but you couldn’t fathom for a second turning your back on him. For as long as you stared at the list of things he was wanted for, there was nothing in that list that could make you hate the man he’d become.

            The instructor had noticed you stopped at Neal’s image. “Is there a problem?” He asked you expectantly.

            Shit. Every game of poker with Neal came to mind and you controlled all the tells he had ever warned you of, making your decision and committing to it. “No,” you said, looking up and putting on your best amused face. “Sorry, Sir. It’s just… James Bonds?”

            You sold it so well that you should’ve been ashamed. The senior agent chuckled and shook his head a bit. “I guess the opportunity felt too good to pass on,” he said, picking up the flyers from your row to share with the next group.

Quantico, 2003

            You weren’t capable of turning on Neal, but you also couldn’t bring yourself to follow his case. The conflict of interest was too strong in your gut, so you just turned a blind eye to any flyer you saw, or a deaf ear to any curious chatter about James Bonds and his globetrotting stunts.

            You kept an eye out for postcards and anonymous letters, but they’d become less frequent. Either Neal had been keeping tabs and learned you joined the bureau, or he’d realized sending mail was becoming more hazardous. In either case, you still got some once in a while, so if it were the former, he was trusting you.

            Over the years, the more you heard about him, the more impressed you were. But also the more… saddened you became. Neal had strayed so far from the man he had wanted to be when you’d spent so much time together. You had to wonder if he were truly happy. At this point, his face was plastered anywhere law enforcement could be assed to look, and you had to hope that he was, because you feared it was too late for him to change course, even if he wanted to.

            At some point, you’d begun to realize that you were technically aiding him just by keeping in touch. You didn’t have a way to send messages to him, but however he’d found your address repeatedly, he really was trusting you – it took over a year, but between bits you overheard and images on postcards, you realized that he was actively sending you clues as to where he was. Now, you doubted that he was doing so with that actual intention. More likely, he was just sending you the postcards because he knew you’d always liked their pictures and wanted to travel. But there was an additional professional boundary being crossed when you knew that the agent in charge of his case was searching for him in Germany or Iceland when you’d just gotten a card from Cape Town or Tehran.

            It also occurred to you that he wouldn’t be an anonymous James Bonds forever. Sooner or later they would figure out who he was. They’d trace him back to either Neal Bennett or Danny Brooks. Both names would flag with the Marshals, and the FBI would learn all about how he disappeared overnight from St. Louis. The FBI would also learn all about how the police had questioned his best friend, Y/N Y/L/N, for days. And then they would have a lot of uncomfortable questions for you that you still had no idea how you were going to answer.

            Then, one day, James Bonds had a name. Neal Caffrey. You didn’t recognize his last name, but it was instantly committed to your memory. Now you knew what he was going by. It was another hit to your heart. He didn’t keep either of his last names. But he had kept his birth name – which had been foreign to him when he learned what it was. It was hard to tell what was going on in his head. You hoped he knew what he was doing. And you hoped that whatever he was choosing, he was happy and safe.

            From the moment he’d been named, you kept waiting for the agents you worked with to turn on you, ask you those awkward questions, but the time never seemed to come. For a second, you had considered running, but you didn’t have the knowledge or connections to get very far or hide for very long. No, the best option for you would be to bow your head and accept the consequences. But those consequences didn’t come for you, and when you saw the updated flyer, you saw why. They had him listed as born in Texas during February. The bureau had a whole fake identity that they fully believed; they had no idea who he really was.

            “You astound me every time,” you’d muttered to yourself, closing the browser window.

Ossining, 2005

            If you ask someone where Sing Sing is, they’ll probably just say “New York”. If pressed, they might even say “New York City”. Very rarely do they actually realize it’s about thirty miles upstate in a little town called Ossining. You’d never been, and had no reason to go, but when you saw the email memo that Neal Caffrey had been apprehended and was awaiting arraignment, you didn’t think you had much of a choice in the matter. You filed for a transfer, ostensibly for a change in scenery, and fortunately, it was granted. Your new home was New York City.

            Your shoes and your conscience itched to guide you upstate straight away, but as much as it pained you, you forced yourself to stay away until after he was convicted. Neal was considered an extreme flight risk; any interactions he had were extremely closely monitored. No matter how loyal you were, you were still afraid of being in trouble for failing to give up his name and whereabouts. And while that made you feel quite selfish, there was also the detail that he’d been “caught” by voluntarily walking into a trap to protect his girlfriend from taking the fall for him. It comforted you that he was still the same softhearted man you’d always known and loved – but, since he’d always been fiercely protective, you weren’t sure if he’d welcome you jeopardizing your good standing to see him.

            Well, too bad. You winced. Okay, maybe a little more sympathy for the guy in prison.

            You signed in a civilian, not an agent, in the hopes that the bureau was less likely to be notified. You weren’t sure what you’d say, but you couldn’t just leave Neal to rot alone in here. The place looked like the place of nightmares, and you were free to just turn around and walk out the door. Your heart ached. God, Neal…

            They searched you quite invasively, but that bit of your dignity was a small price to pay. Once satisfied you weren’t using your body to smuggle a nail file or the like, the guards had you wait while they fetched Neal for visitation and put him in a small monitored cell, then allowed you to be led back the same way. The moment you realized he had to have visitors in a cell with him, it felt like your heart skipped a beat. You knew his containment orders were serious, but to not even be permitted to use the visitation room? This was the kind of restriction that was usually placed on quite dangerous felons.

            There was already one guard standing inside with Neal, close to the door but warily watching. You could tell from his profile, in the ugly orange jumpsuit, that his wrists and ankles were manacled together and locked to the metal table. As the guard who’d led you back let you enter, the guard already inside gruffly barked the rules: fifteen minutes, follow the tape on the floor to your seat (rather than take a shortcut which passed closer to Neal), and absolutely no touching.

             You ventured in as Neal turned around as well as he was able to see you. The surprise in his eyes was quickly taken over by delight and he started to stand, only to get yanked down by the links around his wrists. That sight alone nearly killed your excitement to see him, but he remained undeterred. “Marbles!” he cheerfully chirped your old name.

            You forced a little laugh, loosely sticking to the tape and hurrying to your side of the table, swinging your legs in comfortably to sit across from him. “You are such an ass, Neal,” you complained with a small smile.

            There was almost a little look of shock when his chosen name came out of your mouth so casually, but before you could respond to it, it had melted into a soft smile that lit up his eyes. He looked at you like you’d put the sun in the sky for a long minute. “I’ve missed you,” he said quietly.

            “I’ve missed you, too,” you risked answering, not daring to look to the guard. Hopefully he wouldn’t remember this bit. “When you… well, I thought for years that was it.”

            “It wasn’t meant to be,” Neal admitted. It was easy to say that now that it was in the past and you’d gotten back in touch, but you couldn’t help but trust him. Neal had never told you an outright lie before, not for any reason. “Things just… is it too cliché to say I needed to find myself?”

            You hesitated, but shook your head. “No,” you said haltingly, “But there were better ways to do it than becoming a milk box picture.” You’d imagined screaming in his face for it, giving him a real what-for over the way he left you to pick up the pieces he left behind. But now that you were here, in a prison where he’d be spending the next half decade of his life – well, it was hard to hold onto any anger. Neal was paying for his mistakes. You didn’t need to pile on with trauma you’d already processed. “Did you?” You gently prompted, sensing that if you didn’t, he was going to wait for you to say what you’d thought about.

            His smile tightened into something wistful. Your heart sank a little for him. “I think I got close at times,” he allowed. You didn’t quite buy it, but thought if he needed to believe it, it wouldn’t hurt to let him tell himself that all of this was worth it. Like he’d always done when he was unhappy, he turned the subject around back to yourself. “I’m so proud of you, Y/N. I knew you’d make something good for yourself.”

            We could’ve done it together. You thought back to his eighteenth birthday. You’d been so close to telling him you were going to take that next step with him. Maybe if he’d known it wasn’t just his journey… well, it didn’t matter now. It was ten years in the past.

            “Stop talking like we’re in retirement,” you accused lightly. If it weren’t for the guard who felt very strongly about touching, you’d have nudged his foot under the table. “We’ve got ages to make more out of ourselves yet still.”

            “You do,” Neal disagreed graciously.

            “No, we do,” you argued, saying it so firmly that he wasn’t allowed to disagree again. Then you softened your tone, because you knew he already knew how bad this was going to be. “Four years… it’s gonna be hard. But one day it’ll be done and you’ll have a whole life in front of you to do something new.” It was the twenty-first century. When he got through his sentence, he’d still have more than half his life expectancy ahead. “And we’re gonna make it good. Got it?”

            Neal’s expression had hardened a bit, for a moment showing his anger. When he was Danny, he’d been good at concealing anger, but when it did come out, it was volatile. Ellen wanted to put him in therapy to better manage it, but his mother had never gone through with it, so Neal had been left learning to self-soothe and manipulate his own emotions until he could explode in private. It wasn’t pretty. And, unfortunately, based on that familiar expression he’d made, that habit hadn’t changed. But when you were done, he seemed to assess what you were saying and judge it on the merits of your own belief in it, because he studied your face as he slowly nodded, and the anger slipped away, either unwinding from his joints or being masked by something else. You hoped for the former, but truthfully, it had been ten years. You’d once known him better than anyone. While you still suspected that that was largely true, you couldn’t be sure this hadn’t changed.

            “We will,” he echoed after you. “You’ll be here?”

            You nodded with certainty. If nothing he’d done so far had gotten you fed up with him, there was probably nothing he could manage from inside a prison to change that. “I will.”

            You put a hand down on the table. The guard locked his eyes on it and you barely refrained from rolling your eyes. Symbolically, you were offering Neal a hand to hold. Judging by how exasperatedly he glanced at the guard, he understood as he made an exaggeratedly slow motion, mirroring your hand but not reaching across to you.

            “It’s gonna be a long four years,” Neal grumbled under his breath, shooting an irritable glare in the guard’s direction.

~~~ ~~~

A/N: Wow! This ended up twice as long as I planned because I got really into it and carried away a bit. I might even be open to a continuation... Anyway, if you liked it and want to get announcements about stories and chat about what's coming up, leave a comment asking to join the Discord and I'll send you a link!

[justareallyverychillperson]

White Collar Incorrect Quotes: WitSec Edition- starring Marshall Bob ^^

[dirtbagdefender]

[sunnyie-eve]

Devastated || 12. Remorseful

Paring: (Christopher "Sully" Sullivan x Original Female Character Mance!)

Word Count: 2101

Warnings: slight language, death, unnecessary guilt

Last: Motive | Next: Unfortunate

After some time, Henry goes into the room to check on Jennifer, "You okay now?" He asks her, so she just looks up at him.

"Taking it as Abby isn't adjusting well due to all the noise."

"Not as well as you did. I have some news... Jimmy and Sully agreed to sign a full confession. But they won't sign it unless they get to say goodbye to you and Abby. I just told her as well." He puts his hand out to help her to get up so she looks at it, "Come on. I'm not going to hurt you, Jen."

"Henry, if you could... would you have done this all a different way without killing people?" She takes his hand as he pulls her to stand up.

"No... there was no other way because they would all still be in the way." He sighs looking her in the eyes.

"You know, it wouldn't have taken much to get me. You know how close we were before coming here. I would've done anything for you then, Hen."

"And we're still close, Jen." He motions for her to leave the room with him, so she does.

They wait downstairs till Abby joins them, and he walks them to the guys. Abby goes to Jimmy, and when Jennifer was going to go over to Sully, Henry stops her, "One at a time." He tells her.

Abby apologizes to Jimmy for leaving him, and she kisses him. Henry becomes jealous and pulls her away from Jimmy. Henry slaps Abby when she tells him she loves Jimmy, making her fall to the ground.

Henry panics, feeling bad for hitting her, so Jennifer makes a run for it, so Abby stabs him in the foot with an awl before running out too. Henry chases them, grabbing the boarding knife on his way out.

After Henry leaves, Jimmy pulls the nail Abby slipped him out from under his tongue and used it to pick the lock on his handcuffs.

"Are you even capable of running?" Jimmy helps Sully get loose.

"I don't care if I die as long as I can protect her from Henry." Sully tells him, "I'm sorry for-,"

Jimmy cuts him off, "It's good, dude. We got to help the girls." He tells him and they go after the others, with Sully moving slightly slower.

Jennifer comes to a cliff and soon Abby almost runs into her but Jennifer stops them from falling off. Henry catches up to them and Abby concludes that Henry told Jimmy and Sully, he'd kill them unless they signed a confession. Henry denies it, stating he would die without them.

"Really? Then why do you have the boarding knife?" Jennifer says as she and Abby hold onto each other's arms.

Henry tosses it over the edge, "There. Now do you believe me? You two and this island are my home. The only thing that makes sense to me."

"None of this makes sense." Jennifer walks towards him and Abby tries to stop her but Jennifer knew he wouldn't hurt her, "You destroyed everything we love? You killed Abby's dad, our friends. Now you want to take Jimmy from us and Sully from me."

"BUT YOU HAVE ME!"

"WE DON'T WANT YOU!" She screams back at him and she can see how hurt he was so she steps closer, "You ruined everything, Hen. You ruined us for this." She tears up as he steps closer to her, and Sully comes running at them, tackling Henry off the edge.

Henry reached for Jennifer so Jimmy runs over pulling her back so he goes over the edge with the two.

Jennifer rushes to get down before Abby, rushing over to Sully first only because he was in bad shape compared to Jimmy, "You break anything else?" She asks him.

"I don't think so." He groans as Abby goes to Jimmy, asking if he was okay. "Jen," Sully sees Henry walking towards them.

"Jennifer!" Abby tosses the boarding knife to her, so she runs it through Henry's stomach, feeling bad deep down.

Jennifer's hands shake, looking at where she impaled him before looking back up at him with tears in her eyes, "Jenny." They both go down to their knees.

"I-I..." She cries to him because he was her best friend after all. She did love him, but it wasn't in the same way as his love for her and Abby. "Hen," She sees the hurt in his eyes.

"But... I love you." 

"I love you too." She barely whispers as he slowly dies.

Abby and Jimmy slowly walk over to them as Jennifer looks at her hands, "Jen?" Abby bends down next to her. "Jennifer..." She looks at Abby with tears running down her cheeks so Abby hugs her.

"Ow, fuck. Why did I tackle him off a cliff?" Sully groans as Jimmy helps him up.

"I have no clue. You were slow the whole way here, then suddenly, you slammed on the gas pedal. You almost took Jen, too so I took the fall instead." Jimmy groans as well. "If you ladies are ready, I'd love to go find help. I'm sure Sully really would." Jimmy holds him up.

"Yeah, we just have to walk a few miles." Abby says, pulling Jennifer up as she was still in a little state of shock.

Later after walking for a while, they finally get to help and the coast guard gets them on the boat to head to the mainland. Jennifer watches Jimmy and Abby share a kiss so Sully holds her hand, "You did what you had to do." He tells her.

"Why do I feel bad if he deserved it?"

"You've known him your whole life. You thought he was someone that would never hurt you or was capable of that stuff." He says as she starts to tear up again.

"This whole time... He was our brother. And I've always treated him like he was one. He knew we were his sisters, yet... he still loved us in a different way. He ruined everything because of something we said as kids. It's really our fault." She cries, so he holds her.

Abby and Jimmy go to the Seattle FBI field office, while Jennifer goes to the hospital with Sully and a few officers. They all were questioned about the whole thing from the first day up until now alone. At the moment, Jen was waiting for Sully to get out of surgery when Shea walked into view with Madison.

"I heard you and Sully would be here." She goes to sit next to her.

"I'm just waiting for him to get out of surgery. he was stabbed in the back, broke his arm and sprained his ankle."

"Henry didn't make it?" Shea says, not knowing that piece of info that he helped Wakefield.

"No, I killed him..." She looks at her and could see all the emotions going she was going through. "He killed Trish... and Ben, Fain, your dad, Richard, Malcolm, JD, and Katherine. He killed our dad, Wakefield. He was going to kill Sully too. His romantic obsession with Abby and I motivated him to lure us and everyone to the island was all part of an elaborate gambit to kill off everybody from his and our old lives so we could be happy together on the island forever. All for something Abby and I said to him when we were kids. " Jennifer cries to her.

"I don't blame you for his action because of his deranged mind taking something you said as kids literal." Shea says as the doctor says Sully can be seen now. Sully was glad to see Shea and Madison were safe and she thanked him for getting them off the island again before letting him get some rest with Jennifer.

"Since you are responsible for breaking my arm... I'm expecting you to help me." Sully drinks his water.

"You prefer to be dead right now?" She laughs at him.

"I guess I should thank you, huh?" He smiles.

"You guess?" She gets up, acting like she was going to hit him.

"I'm just joking." He has her sit next to him on the hospitable bed, "Thank you for saving my life. I'm really grateful you came looking for us." He takes her hand into his and he sees her getting upset.

"Everyone didn't deserve to die. Danny and Shane went out trying to save others. Trish was betrayed by someone she loved. Shae lost her family. Abby lost hers... Cal and Chloe were getting engaged. Booth was the only lucky one that died because it was an accident and not murdered by his friend."

"At least Henry and Wakefield are dead now and we know that's true." He squeezes her hand.

"Remember when Abby wouldn't kill Wakefield... I told her and Henry I'll be a killer if I had to, and Henry said I wouldn't. I said bet and I guess I proved him wrong by killing him." She tears up, "I hate that I still feel bad, Sully. I loved him like a brother and he was and I killed my brother. He deserved it, but I think it's the fact I hate hurting people's feelings even if they are a bad person and I'm not in the wrong."

"Jen..." Sully sits up more.

"The look in his eyes when I ran the blade through him... He was so hurt and I broke his heart." She sobs.

Sully grabbed her face so she would look at him, "I know it's because of the type of person you are. Like you said, you hate hurting people's feelings even if they are the bad person because then you feel bad but this is totally different. He killed our friends, Jen. He had a whole-ass elaborate plan to get us all somewhere to kill off. Don't feel bad for hurting his feelings when he hurt yours first."

A knock at the door makes Jennifer wipe her tears away as Abby and Jimmy enter the room, "How are you feeling?" Abby asks Sully.

"Okay, I get to get out of here tomorrow afternoon. Shae and Madison were here earlier. Jen told Shea everything. She thanked me for getting them off the island again" Sully tells her then looks at Jennifer looking down, "Tell her don't feel bad for killing Henry." He begs the two.

"Don't Jen... I know he was our best friend growing up and you two were even slightly closer than us, but he wasn't the Henry we thought we loved. He had to be stopped and that was the only way." Abby explains to her.

Jennifer just nods her head, "So you going to stay with Abby or?" She smiles at Jimmy.

"Umm, yeah. For the time being. What's your guys' plan?" It was his turn to smile.

"Apparently, I'm responsible for breaking his arm, so I'm expected to help him out for a while." She looks at Sully, who was nodding his head.

"Didn't she save your life?" Jimmy laughs.

"Thank you," Jennifer tells her brother.

"Don't push it, Sully. You finally got her after trying for eleven years." Abby gives him a wink.

The four spend some time together before Abby and Jimmy leave as it gets dark out and visiting hours were ending. "You're staying, right?" Sully asks as she goes through the channels.

"I'm not leaving you." She glances over at him then back at the tv.

"Come here." He pats his bed so she gets on his good side, "I love you."

"So I've heard and I love you too." She kisses him.

"Marry me," He says, making her sit up to look at him a little shocked, "Now isn't the best time to ask for many reasons. And we haven't even dated at all but I've loved since I laid eyes on you at the age of fourteen. Then tried making a move on you since we were seventeen, and then finally succeeded at the age of twenty-seven. I've learned life is too short so marry me, Jennifer."

"You're insane, you know that?" She giggles, "Our first kiss was like, what, a day ago? And now you are asking/ telling me to marry you because life is too short?"

"Exactly. You are all I want in life, Jennifer." He says, being completely serious about what he wants.

"We're not getting married on that island, Christopher Sullivan." She smiles, causing him to smile too.

"The hell we aren't, Jennifer Mance-Sullivan." He gives her a passionate kiss.

[tinydeskcontest]

“Where Will You Stand,” by (get ready) ‘Texassippi Soul Man' Danny Brooks & Lil Miss Debi, has a vintage ‘90s pop-rock sound. Complete with harmonica, a heavy chorus on the acoustic guitar and Danny Brooks’ rich, scraggly voice, this duo conjures an earthy Americana from the not-so-distant past. The chorus will lodge deep in your memory.

-- Ben

We’re sharing some of the many 2017 Tiny Desk Contest entries that have caught our eyes and ears. You can enter the Contest until 11:59 p.m. ET on Jan. 29. Check out the Official Rules, film your video and submit it here!

[willowsfanarts]

Annie, are you okay?! - latest artwork

[thesymphonytrue]

More Wingfic draft updates bc It's taking me FOREVER to finish part one of what has become a three-part AU fic😅🙈

Peter and Neal meet (unknowingly) for the first time in this AU: 🥹

~~~~~~

Peter spread his wings, kicked off the ground, flying hard and fast. Warm summer air trailed through his hair as he got closer to the falling child. The closer Peter got to the boy, the more the boy's wings began to glow the slightest tinge of blue. Peter flew faster. Peter's heart beat faster. Energy pulsated through his veins faster and faster and faster. He had no idea who this kid was but...

He had to save this boy.

He couldn't let him fall to the ground.

If something happened to him because I wasn't fast enough...I couldn't...

He wouldn't be able to live with it.

The boy's dark hair was rippling in the wind and his little appendages flailed uselessly in free-fall, as if he was trying to swim away from the approaching earth. He was batting his tiny wings, trying to fly, but they were too small and too weak to propel him more than a few inches upward.

The boy met Peter’s eyes, his blue eyes glowing with terror. The child reached out his arms to Peter as Peter tucked in his wings, falling with the boy to match his speed. Peter stretched his hands out, fingertips straining to catch the kid. With a final push of his wings, Peter grasped the boy's hands and yanked him to his chest. The child curled into his arms as Peter braced the fall with a wide spread of his wings. They tumbled onto the grass in a heap of green and blue light. 

Peter sat up, folded in his wings and instantly hovered over the child, who was huddled in a crumpled heap next to him. He looked to be about five or six years old; his wings must have been brand new.

Who on earth let him think he could fly that high with brand new wings? Peter thought, a wave of protectiveness rising within his chest. He gently placed a hand on the kid's shoulder.

“You okay?” 

The little boy sat up energetically, eyes wide.

“You’re a Flyer!" He exclaimed, face brightening. "I’ve never met another Flyer besides my mom. I just got my wings on Tuesday. I thought I could fly all the way here, but my wings got tired and I started to fall and then all of a sudden you were there big and strong and saving me and it was so cool you're like a--a-- superhero!!" the child was tripping over his words in excitement, "And--and-- I wanna to that again! Are you a police man? Because my dad was a policeman and he saved people so---"

Peter couldn't help but chuckle at the little chatterbox next to him. 

“What’s your name, kid?” Peter interrupted. 

“Danny. What’s yours?” The boy's blue eyes met Peter’s and Peter felt a little rush of something fly through his body. As if those eyes could see right through him. As if he would remember those eyes for the rest of his life.

Peter smiled and stood, offering a hand to help Danny up. 

“I’m Peter.” 

Danny took Peter’s hand and clamored to his feet. His eyes were sparkling.

“Can I see your wings again?” 

~~~~~~~~~~