#dapper inserts: jekyll

[dapper-ships-herself]

Kisses for Chuuya!

Five kisses from my five s/is~

Today, April 29th is this boy's birthday!

I know I hardly give Chuuya as much attention as like Dazai, but I've been shipping with him for a long time now and I absolutely adore him, he's part of like the og three that I fell in love with upon first watching BSD.

He's got high emotions but he's a soft boy at heart, he cares so much about the people who work under him. He has such deep issues with his past and identity and it's amazing the way he's persevered and carved this path. He's got soiled hands, but he's not an evil man. And in our relationship, he's a true gentleman full of love~ He deserves so much happiness and so many, many, many kisses~

Happy birthday, Chu-tan, I love you~

[dapper-ships-herself]

@dokiqx @raudrfox2

The answer changes a bit depending on the s/i, so I'm gonna start with more general and like personal and then go into my s/is.

Dazai and I both, let's say wrestle with certain feelings about life and the world around us. When it feels like you're adrift and very little matters, it helps a great deal to have someone to ground you, and that's Dazai and I for each other. When the world is cruel, we can reach out our hands and feel the warmth, and through that feel safe and real. Neither of us are used to letting ourselves be fully vulnerable to the people around us, we're always masking something, maybe not for entirely the same reasons, but we are. Our relationship is when we both let those walls fall bit by bit, letting go of fear and trepidation. He never even thought he could feel real love before, both of us had thought we weren't worthy of it.

And Dazai is a genius, he's amazing and confident in his abilities, he can see straight through pretty much anyone, so I think why would he even want me, I'm so boring and predictable, I'm not a fan of taking risks and putting myself out there. But Dazai sees all my good qualities, he appreciates my strong empathy and my compassion, he sees how even though I struggle with my own worth I put so much worth into the lives around me, and I have a fun way of thinking about a lot of things, I'm creative bright even when I think I'm not. I become like a fresh, sunny spring day for his soul. And Dazai, his hands are so stained and his mind so jaded, even as he works to redeem himself and be on the side that saves people, he thinks there's too much darkness to ever truly be washed away. But I know that even though he's done a lot of bad, what matters most is what he's doing now; he's trying so hard to be good, to move away from the darkness that only acted as a negative feedback loop for him, that was never good for a boy with a mind like his. He is actively trying to be a good man, and I remind him of that. Neither of us are ever going to be perfect, but that's fine when we're together through our flaws. And through it all, we help each other see the beautiful things to live for.

Okay, now let's go into some specifics for the s/is.

ADA! Gillian has been through some pretty deep trauma with the loss of her little sister when they were kids, and at the time she thought she'd never ever recover from that and stay in the emotionless darkness forever, but with the help of Fukuzawa and Ranpo and the other agency members, she was able to heal. Despite the guilt and trauma that still sticks to her, how easy it would be to write the world off as simply cruel and uncaring, that's not her style. She loves the world, she loves the people in it, she knows that there's darkness but that only means that the rest of them should try their hardest to spread as much love and compassion as they can to balance that out. To Dazai, her unwavering light is strange but so calming. She's so strong in her determination to protect her family and everyone and everything that needs saving, it really touches something in him. She teaches him that it's okay, that they deserve to laugh and love and live, and she helps show him how to actively view the world for it's good parts. Even if someday it's hard, some days she's sad and can't forget the past, some days she tries very hard to push away the anger that festers in her at the unfairness that abounds, she still tries and now they can stand by each other's sides and try together. And he also knows what it's like to suffer and lose the one person who's most important, and he helps her confront the guilt that still clings to her, in fact that's something mutual. And she also, even though she accepts and appreciates her ability for how it lets her help people, it's also an ability that takes away a person's free will and can cause a lot of destruction, and she is afraid of the inherent evilness of it, and though Dazai respects how she's made the concious choice to only use it to help people, he sees her fear and helps her accept it.

Mafia! Gillian and Dazai probably have the most complicated relationship of all. Neither really wanted friends or saw the use of them, but they became each other's first real friend after he joins the mafia. They connect and resonate in a much stronger and more natural way than either were really prepared for; and then they were part of the quartet with Ango and Oda too, and she loved them all. She could be quoted as saying the three of them were probably the only things keeping her sane in the Port Mafia. And then she went away on a mission for a few weeks, no contact with her friends, and suddenly that little slice of joy she had was shattered, Oda was killed, Ango had been a double agent the whole time, and Dazai had abandoned her without so much as a good bye, much less and explanation. It sent her to a dark place for a while. She wanted to hate Dazai, and she certainly felt bitter, but she couldn't bring herself to hate him; how could she, really. She disliked being in the Port Mafia, but not only does she feel she'd have no where else to go, that if she left she'd be leaving her father, Ougai, aka the only person who's ever seen to genuinely want her around and stay that way, but her ability is literally to control darkness and too much light literally causes her pain and discomfort, it's clear to her that she was born to forever stay in the world of darkness and never be able to stand in the light. When she and Dazai eventually meet again four years after he left the mafia, there's a lot of complicated feelings too work through. She's bitter and angry and can't understand why he'd leave her like that if their friendship really meant anything; Dazai thought it was the right move at the time, he justified it to himself by reasoning that he knew she felt chained to the mafia and he had to leave quickly and cleanly in order to successfully rid himself of his dark past, he couldn't risk waiting for her to come back from her mission and having to convince her. But, really, he was afraid. After all, he's convinced that everything he desires will slip through his fingers the moment he obtains it. If he tried to hold on to the happiness she brought him and selfishly took her with him, he'd only bring her ruin some other way, and he wasn't deserving of her. He genuinely does regret it though, and it's not easy for him to admit that he was wrong but he knows that this is one instance where he was so terribly wrong. They have to work through these feelings in order to get anywhere, and she also has to realize that she does have the capability to step into the light, which she does partially with Dazai's help. There's a lot of fighting through the bullshit to finally be together.

Jekyll! Gillian takes the stuff mentioned earlier about always masking some part of ourselves to the extreme. Her ability, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, literally manifests her jaded view of the world into a physical creature of chaos, aka Hyde. And she rejects Hyde hardcore, that's why she's so unstable, destructive, and difficult to control, as well as hates her in return. She puts on the sugariest of sweet faces to try and mask this darkness, but Dazai is able to see it. He recognizes her mask easily, because he's basically doing the exact same thing. Eventually, after a lot of plot haha, they're able to help each other let go of their facades a bit and better accept themselves for who they are. They find this kinship in each other that honestly makes it easier for them to let go of their guards at least a little bit. They both hold a lot of jaded darkness with themselves, and they've both done some pretty terrible things and dirtied their hands, him in the mafia and her in the Order of the Clocktower, and they were both able to break away from that to try and become better people, and that's really nice for them to be able to relate to each other.

Circus! Gillian is, true to the name of her troupe the Circus of the Disillusioned, disillusioned about much of the world. It's dirty and cruel and not on your side. But, the circus always promoted family, the whole reason Voltaire formed the troupe was to attempt to not lay there and accept their wretched fate, that they as humans should try and create at least small pockets of a world more right and colorful. And this ideal stays with her. So yeah, they're both not huge fans of the world, but she has a more innate desire to change that, and she believes it's the duty of humans to fight through and not back away from the world through means like suicide (does that make sense? Trying to word it properly). So she actually is pretty, hm, disgusted is too strong of a word to use, she clashes a lot with Dazai's suicidal jokes. And she's too tsundere and jaded herself to outright be all flowery ~I will help you~, but that sort of discussion is a theme between them early on. Their abilities are foils for each other as well, Dazai is an ability nullifier, she's an ability amplifier, and that sort of reflects their views too.

Guild! Gillian at first seems to have the most innocent view of the world, after all she's rich and spoiled by her father, Francis. And she acts rather carefree too, like someone who's always been secure and never known difficulty. But she has known pain, and there's more than a naive rich girl beneath the surface. She's cunning and knows how to read people, she's been trained in the art of business since she was a child and had it drilled into her that you must never roll over for the world. She's also been taught that she's the daughter of the great Fitzgerald, which means she's meant for greatness too, and she hides it from her father but that's left her with a desperation to prove herself and live up to a great big shadow. But she's genuinely kind too, she loves the world for it's flaws and wants to support the people in it. So yeah, they're ways of thinking clash a bit, but at the same time they work perfectly in other aspects. At first, it's more like he's interested in her for the sort of contradictions she poses, but he starts to genuinely respect her and admire how she chooses to see kindness and work for it, how she takes things in to her own hands to make the world she sees in her mind real. And she respects him for his intellect and eventually for his resolve once she learns of his past. And respect is pretty much the bud that will bloom into love.

There's a lot of fighting to find the light in the dark and acceptance of ourselves.

I hope this was all coherent and not to rambly ha.

[dapper-ships-herself]

As much as I love Yosano and want my s/is to love her too, I think Jekyll! Gillian would be terrified of her at first. Given her background of being experimented on by another sadistic doctor with a healing ability, it’s take her a while to get used to Yosano. Which, from a shipping standpoint, offers some good scenarios of angst of her having to work through this trauma that wrestles with her growing fondness, y’know. Anyway, this particular piece isn’t really shippy, I wanted to write out a scene of what happened the first time Jekyll! Gillian found herself injured shortly after joining the detective agency, which as a side note is around a year before the main story starts. Also, this is a quick lil thing so I haven’t done much proof reading so excuse any typos please.

---------

She winced, squinting and blinking at the light hanging above her. She wasn’t sure where she was or what had happened exactly, her thoughts were still trying to wake up. She tried to move her hand to rub at her eye, but went still when she realized cold metal was keeping it in place.

Yosano looked over her shoulder at the slight noise. “Ah~ You’re awake now, hm? Poor timing for yourself, seeing as I’m about to get started, but more fun for me. Let’s see here…” she ran her fingers along her tools, gloves sliding over the cool metal. “I think I’m going to use… this one~” Se picked up a meat cleaver and flipped it in the air, catching it smoothly. “You got yourself a mighty fine injury out there, let me treat you.” She waltzed over to where Gillian lay on her table, holding the cleaver above her head with a wicked smile.

Gillian wasn’t seeing Yosano, though. No, looming over her in that moment was a different doctor, one from many years ago. The scalpel poised in her grip glinted bright in the overhanging light, kept always so pristine, not yet covered in crimson again. The doctor’s smile was that of an overeager cat, one that couldn’t wait to toy with it’s prey. The chains held her limbs tightly, she could hear them rattle with each fearful tremble of her small body. She couldn’t even turn her head to look away, for that too was chained to her table.

Yosano’s cleaver arced through the air, and the scalpel neared. Laughter echoed throughout time and memory, Gillian’s pupils growing small in her panic, frozen still in terror. She opened her mouth to scream.

“HYDE!”

That day, most everyone at the Armed Detective Agency was out working on one thing or another, meaning it was mostly empty save for a handful of office workers.

“Dazai! We’re already a full minute behind schedule! Stop lazing around this instant!”

And two men who also should have already been on a job by then.

“Hhhmmm, do I have to, though? I’m sure you can handle this on your own.” Dazai lounged sideways in his chair, legs propped up on his desk. He lay beck over the arm rest so he was looking up at Kunikida from upside down.

“While you have no idea how much I wish I could leave you here and not have to deal with your antics today, need I remind you that we work in teams. Which means, unfortunately, I have to drag your sorry ass along with me. Now, get up so we-“

Both men’s heads snapped up at the sound of metal tearing in another room, followed by a crash and a short exclamation of pain. That last noise they recognized as coming from doctor Yosano. They glanced at each other, expressions serious; they’d heard plenty of pained screaming from Yosano’s operation room, but never anything from the doctor herself.

Yosano stumbled backwards, clutching her arm, four long gashes running from her shoulder to her elbow. “What the hell?!”

Behind her, the door slammed open; Kunikda still had one hand splayed across the door, the other holding a torn out piece of paper ready to be transformed at a moment’s notice, Dazai stood right behind him, eyes instantly taking in the room.

“What’s happening?” Kunikida demanded, his voice echoing through the room.

Yosano gave no response, instead keeping her attention on the girl standing on her table.

It wasn’t exactly the same girl she’d had strapped down, that was immediately clear. Her hair hung loose around her head, and where once it’s color had been mostly a pale green with a small section of dark, the two colors had swapped places. Her skin was now a grey green, her fingers replaced by long, dark talons, and her eyes were pure, inky, black with red swirling pupils. Those eyes bored into the doctor, wild and crazed to the point she wondered if they were actually looking at her.

“… Hyde. Is this what her full take over looks like?” Kunikida said, slowly stepping into the room, Dazai right behind him. She wasn’t paying attention to either of them though.

“I knew it; I knew it was all the same. I told that naïve little fool that she couldn’t trust anybody; that the only reason you could possibly want someone like her would be to perform more experiments on us.”

“Experiments?” Dazai muttered. His gaze wandered down, and settled on her exposed abdomen, her blouse having been unbuttoned and left open by Yosano earlier to examine her wound. There, standing out amongst her skin, was a collection of neat scars. The main one’s formed a Y shape, with smaller, slightly less prominent scars branching out in some places. It looked like the Y scar had been reopened many, many times.

“Well no more.” Hyde continued. Her voice shook in unhinged, barely controlled rage. One taloned hand came up to grab at her hair, and her razor sharp smile looked about to crack her face in half. “This time, I’m going to be the one to dissect you!” She coiled her body, and in a flash sprang forward, the table skittering backwards from the force. Claws out stretched, she aimed directly at the doctor.

She would have ripped the woman’s face to ribbons, torn her open as many times as it took to finally be rid of her, had Dazai not smoothly stepped directly into her path. His hands shot up to snatch both her wrists, and from the point of contact his ability emitted a bright glow, illuminating the dim room. The light color of her hair bloomed across the surface while the dark twisted and shrank, caged once again. Her red eyes shifted back to a bright blue, the black draining away. Gillian fell to the floor with a thump, held up only by Dazai’s grip still on her wrists.

From her closed eyes, a tear squeezed out, rolling down her cheek. “Please, no…”

The other three were silent, starring down at the unconscious girl at their feet. Slowly, Dazai released his grip, lowering her to lie on the floor.

“What the hell was that all about?” Kunikida asked.

Yosano loosed a breath, bringing her uninjured arm up to run a hand through her hair. “I have no idea. I was about to get started on healing her, when she screamed in panic for Hyde. Barely took any effort for her to tear out of the restraints after that, and I couldn’t jump back fast enough to avoid getting scratched. Maybe she thought she had been captured earlier? This was her first time having me work on her. I figured the scared look was from one of you guys telling her about my treatments. Hm.” She crouched down next to Gillian, pulling her blouse aside to run a hand over the skin of her abdomen, where previously an open wound had marred the area was now smooth skin. “Either way, looks like turning into Hyde completely healed her, so there’s no need for me to treat her today. One of you carry her to a bed, let her rest for a bit.”

“I can keep an eye on her, in case she panics and turns into Hyde again.” Dazai said, bending down to hoist Gillian into his arms.

Kunikida scoffed “You’re only trying to get out of working again. Still,” he regarded Gillian “do you think that’s a concern?”

Yosano shrugged “Can’t say for sure when I’m not sure what caused it in the first place, but I think, given her talk of “experiments” that she was triggered by the setting of the operating room, if she wakes up somewhere else, I think she’ll be fine.”

Dazai and Kunikida nodded in agreement.

In fitful dreams, Gillian saw images of the past. Of chains and red, concrete walls. Of pristine tools and syringes of unnamable liquids. Of sinister laughter and cruel, excited smiles. Of a small ball of light, always hovering at her side.            

[dapper-ships-herself]

Hyde going feral and fucking off while the agency is in trouble to join the Decay of Angels like

Based on this:

[dapper-ships-herself]

C2 insane drawing meme w/ Hyde

C1 was also anonymously requested!

[dapper-ships-herself]

Oo, if you're doing the insane expression meme then B1 with Hyde! Gillian!

Those insane expressions are really peak Hyde

[dapper-ships-herself]

What if I just went full self indulgent and gave Jekyll! Gillian a sexy villain outfit for while she's with the Decay of Angels.

Like she's not even on their side for a super long time, I just love the idea of Hyde being like "hold up, this is my body now, which means my fashion choices. Your little evil plot can wait a sec while I go fucking shopping."

[dapper-ships-herself]

Thinking about how much Hawthorne would fucking despise Jekyll! s/i

Like think about it, her ability is that she basically has a literal demon with her all the time that she can summon at will. If they had gotten a chance to meet during the guild arc, it'd just be:

Hawthorn, chasing Jekyll! Gillian with a cross and Bible: The power of Christ compels you!

Jekyll! Gillian: I already told you, I'm not a demon! Please stop chasing me!

Like he just keeps trying to fucking exorcise her, flicking holy water in her face every five seconds.

It's probably a good thing he's all brain washed in the Decay of Angels when Hyde joins, because he'd just fucking explode if he had to work with her.

Hyde totally constantly tries to get a reaction out of Hawthorne whenever she's any where near him, like the feral little shit she is, and it annoys her so much that he's brain washed now because it was much more fun when he was trying to exorcise her.