#darcysassmaster

[narcissistic-alcoholic-blog]

Tony: NOW IM JUST LAUGHING FOR NO GOD DAMN REASON

Darcy: OH MY GOD ARE YOU LIKE

Darcy: GOING THROUGH THE STAGES OF GRIEF

Darcy: OR INSANITY

Tony: IM LIKE 99.9 PERCENT SURE ITS A MIXTURE OF BOTH

Tony: PROBABLY MOSTLY INSANITY

[narcissistic-alcoholic-blog]

Darcy: TONY I'LL CRY.

Darcy: I'LL CRY REAL TEARS.

Tony: WELL GOD FORBID YOU CRY FAKE ONES

[narcissistic-alcoholic-blog]

Darcy: TONY I WILL NEVER AGAIN THINK OF DRINKING AS FUN

Tony: youre not doing it right

[narcissistic-alcoholic-blog]

Waking Up In Vegas (Closed)

It wasn't much of a bachelor party now that Tony thought about it. Mainly because it only consisted of himself, Steve, and Thor. Clint had been called on a mission and Bruce actively avoided Las Vegas which meant on such short notice, it was just the three of them sent to spend a weekend in Vegas with the Canadian. Well, until said Canadian bailed or rather 'got called away' on 'important X-Men business'. So rather than waste the trip, Tony decided it would be much more fun to take Darcy herself over him with the sound logic of 'shes a better bro anyway'.

Which was great until the next morning.

With a groan, Tony sat up from the floor and ran a hand through his hair. His head was pounding and there was far too much sunlight streaming through the windows for his liking. Man, he hadn't had a hangover like this in months. He gripped the arm of the couch and pulled himself up to stand on shaky legs. He held onto the arm for balance, looking around their trashed hotel room. "Shit this is going to be one hell of a hotel bill....."

[narcissistic-alcoholic-blog]

Darcy: AIN’T NO MOUNTAIN HIGH ENOUGH

Darcy: aiN’T NO RIVER DEEP ENOUGH

Darcy: AIN’T NO VALLEY LOW ENOUGH

Darcy: TO KEEP ME FROM GETTIN’ TO YOU TONE

Tony: omfg i love u

Darcy: I love you to that’s why I’m raising a fuck ton of cash just to spend three days with you.

Darcy: MY LOVE IS FUCKING DEEP MAN

Tony: IM WITH U TIL THE END OF THE LINE

Darcy: YOU ARE MY STARKSHINE

[ask-clopin]

Tell Me a Story (Closed RP with Darcy-Sass-Master)

There were more of them than usual, little hands waving in the air, little voices raised in delight. He took gleeful pride in making them laugh, sending them home with smiles on their faces. The children both rich and poor clamored around his wagon, begging for a tale.

"Alright, alright! What would you like to hear today?" Clopin asked them. Near the back of the small crowd, he noticed a dark haired young woman stopping to listen in amd smiled charmingly. "Perhaps you might like to chose a story, mademoiselle? A romance, perhaps, or a tragedy?"

[narcissistic-alcoholic-blog]

Avatar Thor

Darcy: Asgard. Midgard. Jotunheim. Vanaheimr.

Tony: Long ago the four realms lived together in harmony. But everything changed when Loki decided to turn.

Darcy: Only the rightful king of Asgard, the wielder of Mjolnir, could stop him. But when the world needed him most, he was banished.

Tony: Moments later my intern and I discovered the new king; an Asgardian named Thor.

Darcy: And though his thundering skills are great, he has a lot to learn before he's ready to save anyone.

Tony: But I believe that Thor can save the world.

[narcissistic-alcoholic-blog]

Darcy: AND FUCK YOU LGOAN SMELLS LIKE GLITTER

Tony: he smells like wet dog

Darcy: You smell like parental issues and dick so shush

Darcy: And Motor oil my bad

Tony: bitch I pull that smell off like it was the most expensive cologne to ever grace your nose

Darcy: A new fragrance by Stark Industries, Tony. For when you want to smell like a sad dick with daddy issues lubed up in motor oil and make it smell like a cologne

Tony: ill buy your boyfriend a bottle for christmas. Itll be a step up from 'wet dog' mixed with 'all my girlfriends die'

Darcy: Don't get me started in your tooth paste. "Ode to freedom penis"

Darcy: "For that spangle dick fresh smell"