Why I write Dark/Evil Characters. I look inside my mind and my past.
This question was asked on my Labyrinth facebook groups to which made me think
Why do I write dark Jareth? What draws me to write darker characters?
I write dark or evil Jareth for no reason other than I enjoy diving into the darkness that lurks in my mind. I enjoy pushing my own boundaries that come with writing difficult scenes. I want to see how far I can go before I am disgusted with myself or tell myself this is wrong why am I writing this.
That writing this dark character vs the victim of the story is ultimately therapy for me. I have lived through years of abuse by a family member who my mother brought into my life. I know how it feels to be someone in a situation where you don’t realize what is happening until you leave the situation. Yes, I knew it was wrong but at the same time; it took me longer than it should have to realize how wrong the situation had been. It was a constant guilt trip cycle. We would fight because of something HE would do. I would storm off to my room. My mom would try to smooth things over. ‘He was just teasing/play Krissy,’. I would bury everything trying to make it through high school so I could get out of the house. Eventually, when I would be so lonely I would slink back, I would apologize for the messed up situation even when my mind screamed at me to not to. Because I wanted to be loved and know he had my mother thinking I was overreacting and being a drama queen. I lost the one person who should have been on my side.
So on the flip side of writing a darker character, I always write in the perspective the victim. Drawing on those days where I was so terrified that an uncomfortable situation would turn into something of a nightmare. How I think that if I didn’t fight him, that how easily it could have turned into a nightmare the more daring he became.
So yes writing these monsters, or cruel men are exhausting because I have to relive memories that aren’t the greatest, but writing the victim is also therapeutic. I know I am lucky. I got out without any scratches, just a lot of mental things to work through later on because I still remember what it was like to feels like wonder ‘If I didn’t kick him out of my room and fight him and yell and scream loud enough, that he could have finally have raped me? What if I forgot to secure my door while changing after having a shower, and he walked right in without knocking because he’s done it before.
The reality also is ironic because I do not like horror books or movies. I don’t enjoy Stephen King, and most horror I have read was Dracula. Other than that, I have read a lot of VC Andrews and Anne Rice. So pretty much I am a wimp when it comes to those sorts of things.
Granted I do enjoy Criminal Minds, and other crime shows. I do enjoy thriller movies. I love watching Stanley Kubrick movies and movies like Shutter Island. I am a complex human being. But being a complex human being doesn’t make me a freak for writer dark stories.
In reality, I am 29, I work as a tailor/seamstress. I have a normal life, a normal partner in crime who sits around playing video games or train simulator most days. We do normal things like go to a grocery store and buy Porgs at Toy’s R US and or try to get his thirteen-year-old daughter to talk to us, which is a feat in itself.
So please remember just because I write horror doesn’t mean I live in that sort of lifestyle or am attracted that lifestyle. I probably have the simplest, most vanilla lifestyle that you will ever come across. I have a house full of Doctor Who, Star Wars and unicorns. Life is Magical to me. I want to keep it that way.
Just because I write twisted and morbid storylines does not mean it is my life or that I condone it. Also living this life, I know that not all stories are Happy Ending, I don’t want to just write happy endings. They have their place in my stories but sometimes it just doesn’t work out.
At the end of the day, I know that a lot of men and women, boys and girls are not so lucky as I have been. So sometimes writing these heartbreaking situations reminds me that I am lucky to have been able to leave as I did and remove myself from a situation.
So that next time you want to ask someone why writing a dark character is appealing, remember it’s not all black and white.
It’s shade of grey that makes up our lives and inspires us to write. I don’t go looking for the bad boys, and I don’t go looking for trouble. It’s really just therapy to me.