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© The insomniac, by Lucas Garcete {via Instagram}
Whisper to the night
Whisper to the night
all your secret loves—
push from parted lips and teeth
the words you smuggle in breath and tongue,
the fears that ferry you to the edge,
and the loathing that keeps your company.
Whisper to the night
when the day abandons you
and every jackal comes whining to your side,
kicking and howling at the moon
while you and your sweet voice say
"This is my home now."
Whisper to the night
your rages and your cages,
taste of iron on dessicated tongue,
fly into your fits like a fucked up bluebird
and give me back the sky,
the one you stole from me.
I see nothing, it's so dark in my head.
~velletrun
Everything
I gave you everything
every weak point every prior hit every place I don’t heal right
you didn’t miss it you learned it mapped it clean called it love and then you used it
my hope was twisted given new shape just as lethal
cruelty mixing pain with words of love
I don’t accept
look at your hand still on the hilt making sure it stays
you look at it like it’s wrong like it doesn’t belong like I’m trying to hand you something that isn’t yours
I can barely say “You hurt me” in case it transfers
“No I didn’t.” coldly said with a jarring lack of shame
you walk away like nothing happened like there’s nothing here like I’m not still in it
while again— my blood soaks the ground
but I’m not one to die quietly
“You call this love?”
yes, there it is how dare I question your truth
no longer blinded by your bullshit I see the pattern I somehow missed
louder harsher again belittle
what comes next I can admit I hold a share of blame
I handed you the gun I even let you put it to my head inviting trust not Russian Roulette
with my own fucking bullets
B5. The End of the Spell
As the fog in my head disappeared, I looked into the abyss you carry with you, hiding it behind the clouds you puff out like a steam locomotive that hides who you are.
I am still shaking, and see the chasm between us grow wider as I step back — away, away from you, your thoughts, and the heart of darkness.
I call in the angels, to be surrounded, to be loved for who I am, not the construction of failures that society makes of me.
I close my eyes, breathe, free.