Lauren. Can you imagine the sheer chaos and mayhem the first time Dean and Cas try to give Miracle a bath?
before i even begin to fathom the chaos, i had to look up what Gender miracle is bc i haven’t gotten that far yet and learned so many good things like Miracle was AMAB but he is played by daring AFAB doggi actress Lexi and i think that’s really brave (and also i find it so funny that still in the year 2020 they did not want a dog dick on cable television) ANYWAY
if miracle is anything like my asshole dog who KNOWS he won’t Win the War but goddamn will he fight those battles... He would Just Know when bathtime is imminent even when the boys try to be sooo casual about it to not tip him off. and i think he would do the Patented Golden Retriever Butt Sit where he sits and just refuses to be pulled/pushed/dragged from the spot. Again, if like my asshole dog, he would probs do the whole //i’m walking so slowly and i’m so meek and innocent, see how i walk so calmly into the bathr— PSYCH MOTHERFUCKER// and tries to make a run for it, causing people to fall on top of each other and lots of bruises appear in the next couple days
i think dean would say he could totally do this on his own, it’s a //dog// and cas is like “of course” and leaves him to it and then there’s shouting and slipping and thuds and cas reappears like “you still got this or...?” and dean is just like “fuck you YOU wash the dog” but he doesn’t leave the bathroom, he just sits all grumpy (and soaking wet) on the toilet, glaring. and Cas goes totally analytical and is like ok, dogs like positive reinforcement. so cas tells miracle if he submits to the bath, he can get up on the couch in dean’s man cave (dean is horrified and starts to complain, but everyone knows he lets miracle up when he watches those romcoms hiding in porn dvd cases at the back of the entertainment stand)
regardless, miracle doesn’t speak english and doesn’t understand any of this shit so cas ends up on his ass, soaked as well. in the end, it takes the both of them to wrestle the dog into the tub, spray him down, give the Most Cursory rub down with soap, and then release the beast to run wildly up and down the bunker halls
when the next bath is imminent, both cas and dean refuse so sam is like “ok whatever i’ll do it you guys are idiots” and dean and cas are like 👀 lol this is gna be good. but then sam just brings some treats with him and he definitely saw that trick of wiping peanut butter on the shower wall so he’s in and out in 10 minutes with nary a hair out of place and dean is HORRIFIED and annoyed as hell (cas is astounded and resolves to read more about dog behavior, although he’s got this theory that The Abomination’s demon blood powers may include ability to communicate with animals, he will have to keep an eye on that)
dean waits until sam is distracted in the kitchen before he lets Miracle into sam’s room and closes the door, getting damp dog smell all up on his bedsheets and pillow