꧁ What equals to not ꧂
Prt 2 : bacta for the burn
This series follows reader and maul from when they were both padawa/aprentice to ( as far as i have planned) the end of revenge of the sith.its slowburn. Pr1
Summary: ❥ reader is drowning.
Read on ao3
Masterlist
Words: ❥ 5k+
Tw: ❥ i dont think there are any maybe angst𖧷
———-xxxx————
You never liked lakes, never liked swimming either. It wasn’t necessary on a city planet like Coruscant and who would have thought you on Lok. How strange it was to think of that dust ball in your dying moments. Maybe Nym would be proud of you now- you died fighting for what you wanted. He wouldn’t have agreed with the blood you shed but he was a hypocrite like that. You would never forget how he fought on smuggler's moon nor that he took you there. Guess you didn’t have to remember for long anymore.
The ice floes were meters above you now.only blue surrounded you. As below, above and beyond-you imagine.The zabrak would surely die of his wounds, you've seen bigger men die of less. He would follow you in death, track your scent all the way to the mist-beyond both to never return. He was sensitive like that- force sensitive you reckon. His reflexes were too fast to be mere luck. He could have been your sparring partner like obi wan and rank. Maybe you spar in death. Force only knows what's ahead. You tried to take peace in that. Water was filling your lungs slowly washing away his blood from your teeth.
You didn’t know what it meant to die.Obi wan would have to do it alone. Your master would take a new padawan and your temple bed would be given to the next kid dropped off. Maybe years in the future they would tell their padawn to be careful since a padawn died on the quiet and safe Illum, how they fought an imaginary enemy. How they fought out of anger instead of inner peace, how they died crawling.You spared a quick glance downward- you wouldn’t be found.
You couldn’t die like this. Fear flooded your system. You tried to gasp for air out of habit.You flailed your arms around. You’ve seen Kit Fisto swim, it couldn't be so hard. You tried to kick your legs like he did. Your left leg wasn’t moving like you wanted but you had 3 limbs left. Aimless circular movements tried to bring you back up to the surface. Exhaustion drags you back down. Your neck started hurting.
Panic started to seep in. You were going to die. If the force was real it needed to show you now. A sign that it wanted you to live, that it wanted you as a student. That there was a destiny waiting for you.something to hold on to. You just hoped something would give, something would care for you like it was promised.
The surface broke open. Red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to you. Coming down in a strong unrelenting movement. Relief dulled your senses, it made you stop fighting the ice lake. Red wrapped around you, pulling you back to the surface.you gasped loudly ,breath heaving .It Scrambled to get the water out of your lungs, pressing down until you spit out the last of death's grip. You finally caught your breath. You looked up.
There he sat, the zabrak. Your enemy. Hesitant.
You both made eye contact. He looked weaker now, drained from the fight . Water was seeping from his robes. His bare feet looked to be frostbitting. He was cold. You were both cold but he could have avoided the ice water. You almost couldn’t believe it. He had pulled you out. Why didn’t matter to you right now. You survived. You couldn’t help but crack a smile.
“Maul,” he mumbled. Stretching out his claw.
You had over thought it. He pulled you out just to kill you himself- why would he go through the trouble. You could feel your face hardened again. You tried to sit back up, get ready for the inevitable. No matter how you tried your body wouldn’t move how you wanted it too. You were exhausted. Leg already mauled, there was no way for you to win.
“ just get on with it” you rasped out at him "rip me apart. Get your revenge.”
He looked confused then aggravated, maybe a little hurt . You didn’t know him well enough to say for certain “ it's my name” he snapped back, his outstretched arm flying back to his side like he regretted getting you out. You had offended him.
You should have known. Zabrak naming conventions were taught together with other species and their conventions in the temple to help communication between the jedi. You scored high in those classes and now you fumbled them -then again you weren’t expecting an introduction. He did try to kill you -multiple times. You decided to give him only your first name since you tried to kill him too. Which he seemed to appreciate.
A loaded silence settled. You took your time observing him. He was a lot like the wild loth cats who would stay in the garden. Arrogant and proud yet skiddisch in nature. He folded his legs over each other taking a more proper position then his hunched one before. He avoided eye contact but was keeping you in sight. He twisted around to look back at where he had attacked you in the first place. The light that had guided you there was gone now. Night has fallen. You huffed in annoyance, the ice door was surely frozen over. You had to reach out somehow.
He turned back around, the horn on the back of his head was chipped- was it stuck in your hand you pondered . He looked at you now, squinting his eyes trying to understand what you were doing. You tried to breathe in and out, following a rhythm. If you could reach out to Qui Gon or Obi Wan, you wouldn't trust Dooku anymore. His staring didn’t help but you locked on to a force signature. You didn’t recognise it but then again you didn’t sense Obi Wan or his master in the area. They probably went back to get him first aid,maybe they had sent a replacement for them. You tried to connect to it anyway.
Maul hissed again, you cracked an eye open to glance at him. He looked flustered. You realised your mistake a little too late. He glared at you. You sat up quickly, reaching your hand out “ sorry” you mumbled. You knew how weird it felt the first time it happened to you. It was invasive in nature but could be soft and comforting in practice. In the crèche,they used it to rock and sooth the new padawan. Later you figure out how to send emotions through them but he wasn't a padawan.Yet.
He was force sensitive and a good fighter.You could take him back to the temple. He could be somewhat of a friend. There was an uncertainty in his character that made him mean but so did you. You didn’t know why he was here and that was central to if he was Jedi material. You didn’t really know what that meant but Nym had his questions when talking to other pirates. Maybe those would do well enough. You had to be subtle about it , to not scare him. He was scared easily. He looked horrified when you bit him- maybe that was normal. Blood was still pouring out of your leg.
“ So ... .you sell kyber?” That might have gone better if you weren’t bleeding out.
His eyes widened in recognition, he was back to being collected. “ I do,” he exhaled.
“And you repay your debts?” You asked more assuredly now. You knew smugglers and thieves, they were easy enough to read. Less complicated than the noble padawan. Loyal to themselves only.
You couldn’t fathom why you had been so scared of him. He looked like a fish out of water, caught on dry land. Maybe he was new to this. Beginning with kyber was quite ambitious but ambitious was a good attribute to have -certainly if he was going to keep up with you.
“I let you breathe, you let me breathe” you clarified.
“ I didn’t do that for you” he puffed out. Eyes furrowed in frustration.
“ Did you feel guilty, Maul?” You asked, smug. You knew his kind. Thieves who didn’t have it in them to kill. Guilt and pity were strong replacements for honour. You felt pity for him yourself when he was clawing at his throat. You saw yourself as a thief as well. You stole your spot in the jedi from a good honest child.
“Dont use my name so freely, padawan” he scoffed back. It didn’t surprise you that he knew of your status. He wasn’t stupid, his battle IQ was up there with quinlan and you had shown your force signature to him. He was just so easy to rile up.
“ You shouldn’t hand it out so freely if you don't want it to be used,” you stared at him. His eyes were weird. They were blueish only broken around the irises by a hint of yellow. He looked away. Bringing his knee up to his chin.
“We could head back together .You could become a padawn like me. You are force sensitive, you’re not horrible in combat” Recognition hit him first and was quickly replaced with anger.
“ why would I want to be anything like you?” He stood up, leaving your eye level.
“You could get your own kyber ... .sell it if you want” you were quizzled by his outburst “ it's not like you're stuck forever you know. You could try it out” for a thief he wasn't very opportunistic.you wanted him to just relent you didn’t know why but it would give you some peace. Maybe it would make your guilt lessen.Your head started aching.
“I don't want anything to do with you” he cursed out looking down at you. “ they wouldn’t understand”
His arms folded around himself. He was conflicted so much was clear. He turned around, stumbling to leave as quick as he came. He was slowed a little by his left leg dragging.
“If you’re worried about the fight they will understand. I’ll explain it to them, I promise!” You yelled after him. You tried to get up but you tumbled back down again.
“ I don't need you,” he yelled back. It echoed back against the walls.
“Well you can explain it yourself if you like just come with me” you bellowed back “ we don't even need to be friends!” he stopped for a second. Looking back one last time before sprinting away. You winched at how he pulled his bleeding leg with him.he was out of sight now. You could hear his footsteps but he never replied. He wasn’t coming back.
You were abandoned once again. You laid back down, sprawling your arms and legs out -star style. You let the relief of not being murdered roll through you. Him leaving finally gave you some time to think. It was weird how nervous he made you. Not the normal amount of nervousness a murderer should bring more of an unsettling gnawing feeling that set itself deep in your gut- he was too much like you.
His arrogant and belittling attitude was not unlike how you treated Obi Wan and the others - no wonder they never liked you. Yet you wanted him by your side, not in a friendly way, more of a bird of a feather. Two birds of prey forced to play guard dogs for sheep. It would bring you great comfort to not be the only one with talons anymore, talons that made the others fear for their fur. You could share the brunt of their howls together.Instead of being alone amongst the hounds. You couldn’t blame him for his choices either- not entirely.In another life you had been the kyber thief -you would have left him here too.
That reminded you- you needed your kyber crystal. Looking for it didn’t seem to work - nor were you capable right now. Obi wan had gotten his but he was always always calm and collected, so hopeful, so palatable to most. So was his kyber, blue, a colour that eased people. Made them think of the sky back home - not Lok which was so densely populated by dust that the blue would show more purple.
Purple your master’s colour. A colour so rare that only he had it. You had hoped to join him. Shine bright like him. You knew now that you had been naive; you didn’t fit the type to get a purple lightsaber. You were too angry, too impatient and temperamental. Purple would soften you out like it did for him. He looked softer when his blade was drawn. An oxymoron only he could master.
Master Windu was far more reserved than most teachers. He held himself poised and proud, due to the strict way he followed the order. That was what he wanted from his padawan as well- perfection. It wasn’t impossible , your master’s previous padawan Depa Billaba was perfect .
You loved jedi knight Depa Billaba, she always took time out of her day to come and talk to you when you were back in the crèche. You were a lonely child hardened by life before 10. It didn’t leave much room for socialising. You were too busy mourning your previous life to accept this one so easily. She would sit with you in silence until you felt comfortable enough to start talking. She turned Jedi Knight right before you could be a padawan.
Just like Dooku, she was your first choice. An older sister to guide you through your life. But in the end she wasn't ready for a padawan yet -not even you. She recommended you to her master without your knowledge- you only found this out when you met him. A comment he threw out right alongside his expectations for you. You wanted to be perfect too. You needed that to happen to be the best.
You worked relentlessly in the training halls until your bones ached or until the battle bots broke. You avoided sleep by reading proper instructions for new lightsabers styles. Training with sticks to impersonate the plasma blades. If you didn’t read about that you read about history and culture, to make sure you would never fail at communicating. Good jedi drew their sabers last. You stayed late in mechanics to bleed your teachers for information. You had to keep at it until you were perfect.
No you were lying to yourself- you needed that to happen so that you felt worthy. The envious glances from other padawan kept you going,how they would squirm when you rejected their shaking hands. The way their lips would quiver when you bested them made you smile. Those good sheep falling in line after a sewer rat from the outer rim . You knew it ate at them at night. You wondered now if they ever thought of you like that- they probably didn’t. You had burned every olive branch ever handed to you by your fellow padawn- just like Maul had done.
Your anxious heart ached. You needed a rest. The ice on your back was melting beneath you, slowly. You focused on the cold shill running through your chest. You could give it a shot. You breathed in and out steadily, closing your eyes. The rustling of air flowing through the cave mixed together with your heart beat in your ears. Meditating on these emotions until they dissipate.
Over thinking, over analyzing separating the body from the mind.
Emotion, yet peace
Ignorance, yet knowledge
Passion, yet serenity
Chaos, yet harmony
Death, yet the force
You were pulled from your makeshift meditation by soft humming in the air, it sounded like Nym when he was thinkering at his desk in the captain’s quarters. You opened your eyes to see an orange hue fill the space next to your head. The dust of Lok had followed you all the way to this cave and you couldn’t be happier about it. You turned over crawling on your arms to bring yourself closer. A shining amber crystal close to Obi Wan's hair. the complete opposite of your masters -so close to the havoc. You reached your hand out to it. You were half expecting it to be warm by the glow alone but it wasn't. Cool and rigid.
You held it closer, inspecting the grooves and edges. Close by, its light shone shimmers all over the broken lake. If Maul saw it, he didn’t seem to care. You let it calm and warm you. The blood loss mixed with the excitement made your head feel dizzy. You laid back down clutching the gem close
Night had fallen a few hours ago. The ice gate was frozen over, you were stuck for 19 days - you were planning to sleep for at least 5 of them. Your fingers mindlessly pawing at the kyber, you achieved what you wanted. You could finally rest.
-+꧁ ꧂+-
Master Windu had found the time to go to Illum. Well he had not found the time - he had made it. Partly with the help of Depa, his padawan - ex padawan. She had insisted that he should be there for his new padawan which he had wimpled off. He had paperwork to do. He couldn’t neglect his negotiating duties just because the council had assigned him a new padawan.
He hadn’t had his seat at the council for long- 5 years to be exact. Which was nothing compared to the other grant masters. He wasn’t established enough to walk away so easily, something his student didn’t seem to understand. He had trained Depa during his jedi knight years. A period of time that was definite by its lack of expectations. Jedi knights were an integral part of peacekeeping but they couldn’t bring the balance in danger like he could now. Every vote mattered, every conversation was a mixture of patience and intent that would reflect upon every person in the temple. If he failed, so did the order.
Yet he couldn’t deny his pleading padawan. He became a master when she became a knight. Both connected through shared changes. He looked to Depa as his daughter. She had that same furrowed brown back on Chalacta. She carried herself with such dignity and integrity. His new padawan was the opposite. Something he was sure the council decided knowingly - he had to let Depa go.
The nose of his ship breaks through the atmosphere of the ice planet. He was a day late. His padawan would surely have her kyber by now- Depa had it in 2 hours. Yet again his new padawan was sloppy. Her meditation lacked focus and her signature recognition was subpar at best. She was not horrible in combat and her practical knowledge was top notch but none of that counted for the kyber trial. One full day should be enough by far.
He flew closer to the mouth of the cave when he noticed that their transport ship was active, purple lights of the Crucible shining lavender across the snow. The Crucible was meant for the kyber ceremony but wasn't meant to be left with the engine on. It was enforced not too long ago. New escape pods and medbays were installed together with more materials for the sabers. One of those was missing now from what he could see from the outside. He landed right next to it.
He checked the outside of the ship on foot, if this was a trap it would not be sprung. The only thing out of place was one of the new pods with a Bactatank on board. Someone was wounded. He went for the entrance, activating his saber. Only the humming of the engine could be heard. No Qui gon No Dooku, not the sounds of the 2 rambunctious padawan. When he entered the main room of the ship he could hear faint movement in the storage room, the old clicking of metal touching wood and flint. He deactivated his lightsaber. There was only one person working on board of the Crucible.
“ professor Huyang” he opened.
The droid turned around to face him “ mace, did the council send you?” . Huyang was one of the few people who got to call him Mace, having taught the boy himself how to build his lightsaber. All those years ago he had looked up at the droid in annoyance - they were at eyelevel now.
“ The Jedi didn’t send me. I'm here for my padawan” Huyang headlights when blank for a second. Something was off.
“ Is the gathering still happening, professor?” He asked. It shouldn’t be but then again a pod was missing and the kid was nowhere to be seen.
“ Yes, Dooku is with your padawan. Qui-Gon has taken the emergency pod home together with his padawan.” Windu raised an eyebrow at this.
“ Obi Wan Kenobi was wounded after an…altercation” the droid continued “He will make his lightsaber on Coruscant when we get back ” he was fiddling with a bowl-fitted hilt.
“ my padawan has retrieved her kyber then i presume” he turned away from the droid.
“ I have no idea ,mace. Dooku has not returned nor has he let me know anything” he craned his head across his shoulder while putting the hilt back in its place.
“ Well we all know how eccentric Dooku likes to be. He’s probably just boring the youngling with one of his unconventional ideas .” He opened the door to the Crucible, pausing. “ about the altercation, did my padawan have anything to do with it?” He questioned.
“Not that I know of. Qui Gon said he fell” he wasn’t lying, Huyang could change the truth a little but he couldn’t lie. He wasn’t programmed for it. Sometimes Windu wondered if this change is what separates droids from humans.
“ Fine, then I will find out for myself,” Windu quipped, taking his leave.
“ Wait, take these with you Mace. Just in case they are needed” the professor handed him a set of one stim canister and bacta patches in different sizes. He took them with a nod.
He trusted Qui-Gon as a friend and a Jedi master but he didn’t trust the altruistic nature of his beliefs. He couldn’t or wouldn’t understand the childish mistakes of padawan. He used the lavender shine to find his way to the cave. When he reached the entrance, he let his fingers run across the side of the ice wall. He wouldn’t let nostalgia dull his senses.
No noises echoed across the cave. He looked into the main corridor to see Dooku but no padawan. He glanced at the ice gate to find it frozen over. She was late, disappointment had left his voice more peeved then needed.
“ Jedi master Dooku, what happened?”
Dooku jumped slightly, he wasn’t expecting him. He looked to be meditating when windu entered but now he stood up straight. His right hand shot up to his curve hilt but halted when they locked eyes. There was blood near his sleeve. Probably Obi Wans- hopefully Obi Wans.
“Your padawan attacked Obi Wan” he stated it so clearly. As little as windu knew of his padawan- she wouldn’t attack one of her own. From what he had heard from Huyang, he had his kyber. If there was nothing to gain, his padawan would only strive for perfection- that's what he had instilled in her.
“ And how do you know this, Dooku?” He didn’t trust him one bit. Not after what happened last year on Raxus Secundus. He hadn’t let the others know, it was fully personal when it came to Dooku. His insistence in the unproven unpredictable expect of the force only brought danger upon all Windu stood for. No wonder his pawadan liked him - he hoped she saw her mistake now. And besides, Dooku didn’t trust him either after he got the seat on the council. Jealousy has no place in the order.
“Your apprentice is arrogant, she couldn’t handle that Obi Wan bested her” he guffawed full of assumption “ I sent her back to retrieve her own. Let her cool down.” He continued “ she even tried to make up a violent creature to cover up her tracks. Her need for perfection is maddening” he laid emphasis on that last part, eying Windu knowingly.
“A creature attacked you say” he was too proud to take a slight so easily - even if it was through his foolish padawan. He readied his saber, plunging it into the frozen wall. Master Yoda wouldn’t have agreed with this approach to go get his apprentice “ she could be wounded” he yelled back forming his excuse.
He trailed her signature through the ice tunnels taking note of his surroundings: a death end, some blood here and there - kenobis probably and one singular missing chain near a minecart. The metal linked sequence being pulled straight out of the wall. From the exit hole it left in the ice it was clear that whoever had done it had certainly put their back into it - he didn’t have to think long of who would have done that. Another sign left him.
He moved quicker through the caverns. Until he heard the faint sloshing of water. He ran further saber in hand. Something had broken the lake wide open. He slowed down when he saw the ice floes. He scanned the area until he spotted it . A soaked bloody mess near the side of the lake. Only recognisable by the pale robes she had left with back on corruscant.
His padawan hadn’t lied. There was a monster and she had fought it.
He rushed to her side, taking out the bacta patches he had gotten from the professor. Now that he was so close to her, he could assess her wounds. She was knocked out clutching a cashing hand to her chest. The way her neck was turned made the bite on her neck stand out more than it already did. He injected the stim in it, causing the skin and muscle to contract inwards closing the wound. Her leg had bled straight through her pants, running into her socks. He ripped it where the blood started, slapping one of the bigger patches over it.
He finally settled his attention to her hand, softly trying to unwrap it so he could bandage it. When she stirred, snatching her hand back.
“ mine” she mumbled as if she could defend herself. With the way she rolled to her side,her hand loosened just enough to let the orange light shine through.
He tried once more to grab her hand while hoping to keep her lucid until they were back to the ship.
“You got your kyber” It came out a little more questioning than he had meant. He hadn’t thought she could have after seeing her lying there.
“Got it,” she slurred, opening her hand in front of her proudly. Straight fire coursed out of her palm. Untempered and dangerous. His hand twitched. Why was he anticipating an attack?
He quickly took the gem from her, dosing the flame in his bacta bag. “Wouldn’t want you to drop it” he replied coily
She finally let him bandage her hand.” Came back huh?” She quipped in full pride. She wasn’t wrong, he should've been here, he should've been able to keep the child safe. That's all he could think of when he picked her up, carrying her by her arms and legs in front of him. Her head was falling back.
“And do you remember what happened, youngling?” He questioned, hoping to keep her lucid
“Not a youngling” she grumbled.
He couldn’t help but form a slight smile at that. Even after all she had been through , she had still found the energy to be far too strongheaded. Proud and entitled like the day he had met her.
“Kyber thief” she stumbled across shallow breaths “probably death by now” she hesitated for a second “ i bit him in the neck” she stated quietly.
He hummed in acknowledgment. The blood loss must be getting to her. She must be misremembering things, the protruding flesh was still staring at him. A bite so nasty the stim hadn’t been able to close it fully. He would question her further with the council later after she was healed.
He crossed the lake slowly making sure not to shake her too much. She looked over to the other side of it.
“He ran away towards there” she shook her head softly towards the other side. Moonlight pooled in. He hadn’t had the time to assess that earlier and he didn’t once again.
“We will send a scout later” he assured her
“Hes force sensitive” she stated urging Windu on.
“And so are you,” he reprimanded . Always so quick to forget her own worth. It aggravated him.
She went quiet until they were back at the old mining shaft.
“I choked him too,” she said softly. Once again the deep purple marks across her neck told a different story. It didn’t matter anyways. A violent animal should be put down.
By the time they reached the main cavern, she had fallen asleep. Dooku was standing near the entrance. He opened his mouth to speak but was quickly cut off by the sight before him.
“She didn’t lie….” He uttered. Windu didn’t have to guess what he was thinking- he had thought the same. Still anger flared up. How long had she been laying there while he sat meditating? How long did he ignore her for his own flooty beliefs?
“ I can tell” he stated, handing his ship's keys over.
“You will look into what hunted them” he spoke steadily. Dooku scowled at him, he was twice his senior after all.
“Thats an order from the council”
He didn’t look back to face the furry from the elder. His padawan needed the bacta tanks back on the Crucible. He pulled out his hologram, connecting to the ship.
“Professor Huyang, my padawan is in critical state. We will leave on arrival. Prepare the second pod's bacta tank.” He closed the call, trusting the professor to fill in what else was needed. He glanced back. Both his keys and Dooku were missing. He left the cave behind with that.
The Crucibles lights were pointed to the front now, ready for take off. He entered the ship and walked straight to the pod. Professor Huyang was already waiting there with all the equipment needed.
“Mace, you should get ahead and take off. I will heal the youngling”
“Not a youngling” Windu corrected, laying the girl down next to the tank. The professor let out a metallic chuckle.
“You’re not going to ask about Jedi master Dooku?” He questioned.
“We all know how eccentric he can be. Besides, Jedi business are none of mine” the bot replied, prepping the padawn for the bacta tank.
Windu nodded at that and left for the cockpit. He let out a sigh once he sat down. She would have 7 days to heal by then she should remember what happened. He boosted up the engine, pulled in the ship's stands and started the way home. Once they were safe in space, he called back home.
———-xxxx————
Hey hey
So…… new maul lore dropped in the last episode of the darth maul show. I have most of this planned out which means that I have parted from the canon lore by accident. Maul is the same age as the reader in this fic meaning that he's 11 here since I did follow the thought that he was far younger when palpetino took him.So yeah I'm probably not going to follow the new show. I just wanted to let you guys know.
Also happy may 4th to all may the fourth be with you :)
I KNOW ITS THE LADT 10 MIN DONT REMIND ME