soulmate trope || bnha various / reader || masterlist
also available on ao3
summary: a villain’s quirk causes your class to be assigned soulmates. but soulmates aren’t real.
choose-yer-own-adventure oneshots. no one knows how to handle any of this, due to every single character being a dumbass. characters: bakugou, monoma, todoroki, aizawa, shinsou, dabi, shigaraki, and midoriya.
prologue / setup
bakugou route
monoma route
todoroki route
aizawa route (part two) (ask about if aizawa succumbed to serendipity’s quirk) (ask about if reader went to shinsou about serendipity's quirk)
I KNEW IT.
I KNEEEEWWWW IIIIIIIIT!!!!
THESE INCOMPREHENSIBLE SCOUNDRELS OF VILLAINY!!!!
I KNEW THEY'D DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS, I KNEEEEWWWWWW!!!!
AND I STILL HAVE THE TNBC RERUN AND SEQUEL TO WORRY ABOUT SOON, TOO!
YOU TEST MY LOYALTY AND MY PATIENCE, TW! YOU TRAMPLE UPON THE LAST FRAGMENTS OF MY FINAL NERVE, I SWEAR!!!!!
DARN YOU! DARN YOU ALL TO HECK!!!!
...(takes a deep breath)...Give me strength, gacha gods and goddesses...give me streeength...
Binding Magic and Other Medievalisms | 5 | Shinsou Hitoshi
Series Masterlist
Summary: Surely you won’t become friends with this moron on your quest that’s designed to make people become friends.
Warnings: female reader. Mention of past injury (reader). Otherwise, none.
Note: consent continues to be complicated. Right now in the story, it’s still mostly dubious consent (sexual coercion + reluctant consent) in terms of what’s spoken about their relationship, but it’s made more complex by reader’s unspoken, half-supressed affection for the Shinsou she used to know (prompting her to both want and not want him). If this sort of tenuous consent is something that might be upsetting for you to engage with, please click away and do not read.
Note, again: You will see a book title in Middle English. You are not crazy; it is supposed to look like that. This is a bit of a meta joke, because our characters are speaking present-day English (since this is a medievalist story and not a medieval story). It’s funny to me that they’d be reading stuff in Middle English but then turning around and calling each other a motherfucker (motherfucker first used in early C20; fuck on record in the sexual sense c. 1500, which is generally agreed upon to be the beginning of the early modern era and thus not medieval). It’s not important what it means, but the translation is “Sir Anselm and the Sweet Lover of Yester-Evening.”
~22.2k
“All right, you can come test the puzzle now.”
Perched on a crate outside of a greenhouse on the outskirts of Okuto, Shinsou looked up from the mangled lockpick he was straightening. “That didn’t take long.”
“I didn’t need long,” you said, hands on your hips, tapping your foot while Shinsou packed his lockpicking kit away, “I knew exactly what I wanted. Have you been here the whole time? I thought you’d poke around for more supplies.”
“I got what I needed,” said Shinsou, fastening the buttons on the rucksack he’d purchased earlier today, “I can hardly prepare thoroughly if you’re hiding details of the quest from me, can I?” He slung it over his shoulder. “Where to?”
You clicked your tongue. “I’m not telling. How did that beekeeper back there tell you how to get to the Okuto Library? That’s the information that the questers will have.”
“Right,” said Shinsou, adjusting the straps, “West for about ten minutes, then.”
You followed Shinsou westward out of town, highly suspecting he was somehow tracking your previous footsteps, until the gravel path shifted to dirt and then into flagstone. The flagstone path curved gently around a low hill, leading to a dishevelled bungalow with a bulging porch and the roof partially concave. The whole thing tilted to the side, like it would slide down the slope at any moment.
Shinsou frowned. “Doesn’t seem like a safe place to preserve books.”
“It’s not,” you said, “The house is just the entrance. The library itself is underground.”
“The questers won’t know that. Should you be telling me?”
“It doesn’t affect how you solve the puzzle, so I’m saying it’s fine,” you said, putting your hands into the deep pockets of your cloak, “I’ve only been here one time, and that was only about five years after the librarian had passed. It’s in worse shape now than it was then, since no one’s taken up the job, but I expect the books are mostly fine; I didn’t take a thorough look around. Only popped in the front room to ensure nothing’s living in there. So!” You clapped your hands together while keeping them in your pockets—the fabric muffled the sound. “I’ll need to hear your thought process—out loud, mind—while you solve this.”
“Solve—?” Shinsou turned from the house to you. “It’s already started?”
You nodded. “Get to the house. That’s all.”
“Got it.” Shinsou took a minute to look around, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Nothing looks out of the ordinary.”
You rolled your eyes. This is what you get for working with someone who doesn’t even know how to check for magical wards. “You need to be thinking out loud. This is for posterity, remember? More details would be nice.”
“I don’t have anything right now,” said Shinsou, checking over his shoulder, and then he ducked his head as he took his first step onto the flagstone path.
He jolted: nothing seemed to be too different besides both of his feet were on the dirt path now, just where the dirt shifts to flagstone, but he was visibly shaken, eyes bulging. “Whoa.” His lips lingered in the pucker as he glanced down at his feet.
“Anything wrong?” you asked, rather chipper.
“Something happened, but I’m not sure what. I feel,” he said, lowering his hands, cautiously balling them into fists, “bubbly. Not in the cheerful way, in the foaming way that champagne gets when shaken. It’s not bad, but it does put one on edge.”
“Perfect.” You smiled. “Why don’t you try again?”
“I’m supposed to be feeling this, then? What’s the point?” He took another step onto the flagstone path and a second, but the third step sent him back to the dirt path in such an infinitesimal a stretch of time that it was as if Shinsou were in two places at once.
“You know I loathe teleportation,” said Shinsou once he caught his balance, “It gives me comfort that you do, too. Why does this cast make me feel frothy?”
You shrugged your bag off your shoulder and leant against one of the larger rocks to the side of the path. “It’s just how this one goes. Don’t worry too much about it; it’s only meant to be a confirmation that you’re being teleported. I thought it would be a harmless enough side effect, as opposed to the usual ones people use, like dizziness or thirst.”
Shinsou was teleported twice more back to the start. After that, he crouched down to examine the walkway. “Just wanted to make sure it was nothing to do with how I was walking or distributing my weight,” he said, squinting at the flagstone, “so it has to be something about the path itself.”
You crossed your arms. “I thought it was obvious.”
“I am trying to be thorough for you,” snapped Shinsou, and he took a deep breath before continuing, tone level. “In the interest of time: I have to use the pathway, correct? I can’t approach the bungalow in any other fashion?”
“Correct. There were already protective spells in all directions before I got here; the path is my work.”
“You did?” Shinsou cast his gaze over the pathway, its cobbled pattern of dusty indigo, black, lilac, pink, and smalt stones all winding up towards the library. “It’s beautiful.”
“Thank you? I didn’t…I didn’t lay the path; it was already—just keep going.”
Talking you through it, Shinsou tested each of the first flagstones in the path to see which one would let him stand on it, the sole indigo stone. He scanned the path for the next indigo stone and stepped on it, and it let him advance.
He clicked his tongue. “This isn’t exactly hard.”
“It’s not meant to be hard,” you said, watching him stretch to the next indigo flagstone, “It’s meant to be aggravating.”
Sure enough, Shinsou mis-stepped, his foot partially on indigo and partially on pink, and he teleported back to the start.
He stumbled to catch his balance, and, as he set his rucksack on the ground next to you, he cleared his throat. “May I make a suggestion?”
What now? “You may make it all you want, my lord.”
“The constant teleportation back to the start is discombobulating and, moreover, vexing. I know,” Shinsou said, holding up his hands, “that you just said it was meant to be vexing. But I think this is too annoying too early on in the quest. I think that they’d turn to brute forcing the puzzle more quickly, instead of actually going through it.” He lifted his bag to move it closer to your feet and away from the teleportation return site, where the dirt had already been upset by Shinsou’s repeated footprints in it. “I may also be overthinking, but the teleportation spell having this fizzing aftereffect—that’s not normal. Midoriya, at least, and perhaps Todoroki, will notice that this teleportation doesn’t have any true, physical side effect, and they might guess that you cast it.”
You narrowed your eyes. “You’re saying this just because of the merits of the spell, right? Not because they’d be able to detect oranges?”
“Of course,” said Shinsou, shaking his head, “No one—no one else would ever look for that. I’m saying that our questers will be used to lower calibre teleportation spells and might be suspicious that they’re dealing with someone powerful when they feel this one.”
“But not, then, specifically me?” When Shinsou shook his head again, you continued. “I see what you’re saying. I don’t want them to be on guard this early; I’d rather them focus on the puzzle itself rather than imagine who set it up. So, what could I replace the teleportation with?”
You pushed yourself up off the rock, and you crouched at the start of the path, placing your hand flat on the first, indigo flagstone. Shinsou came to hunch down next to you, arms wrapped around his knees and eyes following your fingers as they traced around the edge of the stonework.
“Got it,” you said, and you bit the knuckle of your other index finger. “Before I change anything, tell me how you get to the bungalow.”
Shinsou blinked. “You step on the indigo stones. Stepping on any other colour teleports you back to the start of the path.”
“Excellent, thank you. Let me run the other details by you.” You shifted your weight to sit on the ground fully, and Shinsou’s brows shot to his hairline when you did. Taken aback, you followed his line of sight, which was at the lilac and smalt stones upon which you were perched. “It’s not gonna affect me. I made it. Anyway,” you said, patchwork cloak splaying about your legs, “Yes, only indigo stones. And if you were concerned that would be too easy once one person figured it out, since the rest could go the same way the first person did—the colours are set to shuffle for each person, so everybody would have a different path.”
“Still too easy,” said Shinsou, screwing up his face, “That doesn’t produce discussion. Once they figure out the indigo stones are safe, that’s it. No more critical thought. Only physical ability from then on out. You want them to talk amongst themselves frequently in these early stages, yes?”
“I do.” You bit your knuckle again. “I’ll remove the teleportation and the limit to indigo. I can—how about whichever colour they step on first is the colour they have to take the whole path?”
Shinsou considered, fiddling with the ends of his scarf. “That could work. They’d have to talk about why Bakugou could step on the grey ones, while Ashido could take the black ones, or the like. That could lead to some good discussion, especially if they go off on tangents regarding personalities or skills as the cause.”
“Thank you. I’ll get to it,” you said, pushing on a dusty pink flagstone to stand, “It’ll take me a while to remove and cast all of this, so you have time to kill. Why don’t you go sit over against that stump, with your back turned to me, please?”
Shinsou pursed his lips, silently getting to his feet. “I don’t get to watch?”
What? Why would anyone want to…not like it would hurt for him to watch, but regardless. “No. Don’t you have something to do for around fifteen minutes?”
“Not especially,” said Shinsou, shrugging one shoulder.
“Give me a moment,” you said, and you unhooked Gingko from her scabbard. She zipped into the air and emitted some mint-green dust when she rolled over in a sort of stretch. “If you’ll start by the porch, I’ll start on this end,” you said to her, and she zooted and shot off towards the library. You turned to Shinsou in time to see him watching her fly off.
You bent to root through your bag, unearthed a novel with three bookmarks dangling from its pages, and thrust it into Shinsou’s hands. “It’s Lady Hagakure’s, so try to keep it in good condition.”
“What’s it about?” Shinsou flipped open the cover, and he sucked in through his teeth. “This was printed by Utsushimi Camie’s press? Then this had ought to be nothing but sensationalist drivel.”
“So she prints a lot of texts centred around romance. It’s nothing to be—”
“It’s not that,” said Shinsou quietly, brows pinched as he flipped a page, “It’s that she produced high amounts of propaganda against the House of Aizawa during the war.”
(Ah.
Since you’d gone wherever Lord Yamada needed you, you hadn’t witnessed the bulk of propaganda circulating the homefront. You had, however, been sent a pamphlet denigrating the lineage of prominent rebels from the House of Aizawa, with Shinsou’s section cruelly speculating bastardy or connections to the fae; once his changeling brand had been made public, that mark had never been truly absent from any whispering campaign.
[Most of it had been published by Utsushimi Camie’s press, but it’s not as if the House of Yamada had a choice. There were only two presses across the six provinces, anyway, and if you wanted to use another, you’d have to go outside of Yuuei.])
“Well,” you said, not really sure what to say, “Give it a chance for fifteen minutes. After that, you never have to read it again.”
Grumbling, Shinsou crossed to the stump and cracked open the book, and you took your time removing and casting the new spells (took longer than you’d figured, because the teleportation spell was a touch sticky, but you peeled it off in the end).
When you flipped out the latch to Gingko’s scabbard at your waist, she zoomed down the path and hastily packed herself away, and you exhaled, your breath clouding in the cool, morning air, as you surveyed your work, curving along the hill all the way back to the bungalow. It’ll be a lot prettier for the questers, since they’ll be doing this in the springtime, but right now, the library looked a bit depressing among bare trees and rasping undergrowth.
You turned over your shoulder towards Shinsou, almost blending in with the dying landscape in his heathery grey and black travelling clothes, but his wild, violet hair always made him easy to pinpoint. He’d taken off his slouching hat (no, wait, he’d told you what type it was; you could never keep up with fashion—a short-tailed chaperon? They needed to stop riffing on the liripipe hood; it was perfect as is) to clutch in one hand while flipping pages of the book, lying flat in his lap, with the other. Legs outstretched. Back slumped against the tree stump. Biting his—biting his lower lip and squinting; was he actually invested in the story?
You opened your mouth to call to him, but his eyes flickered to you before you could, suddenly enough that it startled you, and you averted your gaze. Shinsou wordlessly (and infuriatingly silently, despite treading on dead leaves) approached you, handing over the book.
“Thanks,” you said, wondering why you’d felt startled, “It should be easier now. I’m going to grab our stuff and wait for you on the porch.”
When you moved to sling his rucksack over your shoulder, Shinsou grabbed your arm, stopping you before you could even lift it off the ground. “Wait,” he said, loosening his grip almost immediately, his hand lingering as it curled around your forearm, hovering, “The questers will be doing this puzzle carrying their packs. I should, too.”
You scoffed. “It doesn’t matter—”
“It does,” said Shinsou, withdrawing his hand to clutch at the fabric of his cotehardie, balling his fist near his hip, “I want to do this right.”
Giving in, you marched up the path to plop yourself on the edge of the porch, feet dangling over the side, and even from that distance, you could make out a very bitter Shinsou, cross at how easily you just strode through the whole pathway, immune to the magic.
Shinsou took one step onto a lilac flagstone, and this time, he was allowed to stand on it. He tried with his left foot and his right to step onto the adjacent grey stone, but he simply was not able to put his foot down. “I like this better,” called Shinsou, trying to step on a black flagstone and failing, “There’s just something stopping me from putting my foot down. What’d you do?”
“Y’know those resistance charms they have me put on scarecrows, to keep birds and other animals away from the crops? It’s a version of that,” you said, swinging your feet back and forth.
“Much less frustrating than the teleportation. I bet it’d spur more conversation, too, since they’ll guess what’s stopping them.” Shinsou stepped to the next lilac flagstone and scanned the ground for the next one.
Shinsou had to jump between stones once the spaces between the lilac ones grew farther and farther apart, and after a few minutes, he reached the lilac flagstone closest to the bungalow—but it was still too far away for him to even toss his rucksack onto the porch. He was searching the path for another lilac stone, and you saw the moment on his face when he realised he wouldn’t make it. And he laughed.
“I like this much better,” said Shinsou, smiling, fist on his hip as he shifted his weight to one foot, “because with this version, I’m angry at myself, not the puzzle. I chose what colour to follow, so it’s my own fault I can’t get to the house. That’s good. It’ll keep your quest-takers eager to do it correctly.”
Shinsou went back to the start to try the black stones, and as that path failed him and he was trying out the smalt flagstones, you noted how he carried his weight from stone to stone. He’d strapped his rucksack tightly to his back so that it didn’t shift or clatter when he moved, contributing to his sleek, efficient movements with the grace and agility of a housecat, somehow seeming small and unassuming, almost wispy, when in reality he was packed with lithe muscle and a definite, looming presence once you noticed it. Like a shadow, almost, if darkness itself could take sapient form. And the worst part was that he didn’t seem to be trying.
(It gave you a strange sort of satisfaction to know that you’d reduced someone so powerful and reserved to a whimpering mess, even though you hadn’t gotten to witness it. Just shows you how much more effective skilled magic can be over physical prowess. Which made you feel safe, knowing that you ultimately had the upper hand.
[Especially with the way he’d been looking at you last night when he’d finished telling you what had happened. But he hadn’t even waited for your reply, really; he’d flipped over and announced he was going to sleep. Didn’t even want the blanket once it was dry.
You, on the other hand, had needed to walk about the shrine’s grounds for a bit, letting the spray of the waterfall keep you from losing yourself in your thoughts. You’d eventually decided not to address the conversation, if possible, and Shinsou hadn’t mentioned it yet today. Hopefully, you can pretend it didn’t happen forever.]
Or maybe you needed to get better at asking the right questions.)
The ends of Shinsou’s belt clinked, chains swaying at his sudden stop three-quarters of the way to the bungalow, the sound breaking you out of your reverie. You suspected he made the sound on purpose to draw your attention.
“Your excellency,” said Shinsou, frowning and still, despite the clear path of smalt flagstones to the porch, “Isn’t Kirishima colourblind?”
You tapped your fingers in a ripple on your knee. “How am I supposed to know if Lord Kirishima is co—wouldn’t you know, since he’s House of Aizawa?”
Shinsou rolled up an end of his scarf. “I thought you might have heard something. I believe I heard him mention something like that,” he said, letting the rolled-up end unravel, “but since it’s not terribly useful information, I didn’t dig it into my memory.”
“Do you recall what kind of colourblind? No? All right. I can make this work,” you said, pushing yourself off the edge of the porch, one foot on an indigo stone and one on a grey, “Keep going. I’m going to feel around for mica crystals.”
Shinsou managed to navigate all the way to the final row of flagstones while you found mica in the indigo, smalt, and lilac stones, and he clambered onto the porch while you brought out the shining mica fragments in the indigo, making the indigo path sparkle in the sunlight.
“Neat,” you said, lifting yourself back onto the edge of the porch, legs overhanging the side, “A visual indicator besides colour. I wanted it to be the indigo path, anyway, so I like that at least one person will use it. What do you think?”
You turned to Shinsou, who matched you in dangling his legs over the ledge but otherwise lay flat on his back, heavy cloak splaying about him, arm thrown over his eyes with his nose nestled in the crook of his elbow, chest rising and falling evenly. He kicked a leg higher up for a second, dust shaking off of his underknee boot, and he smiled, close-lipped.
“I like it.” He tapped his fingers in a ripple on his chest. Lifted his elbow very slightly to glance at you from underneath. “Simple but already facilitating intimacy amongst the group. And I imagine they’ll feel collective gratification when all members reach this porch, so that will serve as an early victory for them.” Lowered his elbow again, hiding in the crook. “The book wasn’t abominable, either. It suggests a plot of intrigue and eccentricity when the protagonist’s horse has a character biography, listed with the rest of the human characters.”
Oh? “Do you actually want to read it? I’ve got other things to read, so—”
“I doubt my life would be bettered by reading something called Sir Anselm and þe Lemman Sweete of Ȝister-evin,” said Shinsou, waving a dismissive hand before returning it to tap on his chest again.
“Don’t be cheeky,” you said, leaning back on your hands and instantly recoiling due to the powdery layer of grit atop the porch. “So, you’re just gonna lie here while I go set up the next step?”
“I don’t get to come?” he asked with a touch of petulance, and for some reason, your brain went elsewhere.
“No,” you said after the moment it took you to recover, “You have to solve it, remember? You can stay out on the porch or come into the vestibule while you wait.”
Shinsou elected to accompany you inside, his eyes shooting to the tilted ceiling upon entering. The inside of the bungalow made it clear that it had been built in haste and necessity: three of the four walls were sloping wood, creaking in the wind and with your movements, and a flat, rocky outcrop of the hill served as the fourth. The stone wall was featureless except for a closed, wooden door, but the rest of the cramped room had once been the festooned living space of the librarian: a broken-down clay furnace next to an empty kimono stand, a nearly transparent paper screen hiding a futon in the corner, a mildewed wooden tub with a washing paddle and knots of string inside underneath hanging lines of crustily dried herbs.
While Shinsou tested the strength of a bamboo stool next to an identical one that had been split in half, you approached the table to glance over the illumination restoration that the librarian had evidently been working on: a single manuscript page pulled from a larger project, scraped for reuse, with the body text written in Middle Runic and in—the text has turned brown with age and appeared to be mildly corrosive through the parchment, so it’s probably written in iron gall ink (what a nightmare to make; you’re glad you don’t have to do that anymore). The librarian must have been working on illuminating that initial rune at the top of the page, but someone must have raided this place for anything valuable since the librarian passed—the gold leaf has been scraped away, with only one loose flake as a clue it had even been present. No quill in sight.
In the seat of the chair at the table lay a third of a woven basket, apparently a work in progress, next to a small cup of shining beetle wings.
When you breathed in, dust coated your throat.
What a small, quiet life the librarian must have led.
It was perfect. You gripped the back of the chair, deeply wistful. Someday, after you’re gone, you would want someone to riffle through your cottage in Tiirnham Wood, see the minutiae that your life contained, and conclude you lived quietly.
As Shinsou carefully perched on the edge of the decrepit bamboo stool, you bid him to wait while you unlocked the door in the stone wall and crept down to the underground library to set up the next step.
It didn’t take long, since you’d prepared the material ahead of time, and when you returned to the vestibule, Shinsou was frowning at a corner of the ceiling. You followed his line of sight to find a cluster of cicada shells clinging to the wall above a rickety paper lantern.
“Gracious,” you said, “I don’t care for that at all.” You knocked on the door to tear him away from the cicadas. “You ready?”
“Of course,” said Shinsou, easing off the stool and crossing to you. “Anything I’m allowed to know?”
“I don’t think so. The key they’ll have gotten from Kaina will unlock this door, and they’ll know they’re supposed to get something from the Okuto Library, presumably a book to help them with the ritual. Which is correct, but they won’t know anything about its appearance or contents otherwise. Lead the way,” you said, stepping aside.
You followed Shinsou downwards through the corridor, first merely a cave-like tunnel on a downwards slant before changing into stone-carved stairs when it grew too steep. At their foot lay the heavy, ornate, double doors stretching all the way to the capacious ceiling, their mirroring handles shaped into grinning eels. When Shinsou pulled at them, they swung open easily, the dim light of the corridor illuminating the rows and rows of shelves nearly triple your height, crammed full with manuscripts, books, and scrolls.
“I’m mildly suspicious that the doors opened so easily,” said Shinsou, crossing the threshold from limestone cave onto the still-shinily polished wooden floor, “but I don’t think any of the questers will think too much about it.” He took a step farther in, tilting his head as he gazed down one of the aisles. “No other clues for what book they’re looking for, hm?”
“Absolutely not,” you said, grin evident in your voice, and, feeling rather generous that you’d allowed him a moment to get his bearings, you crossed the library’s threshold as well.
Behind you, the great doors swung shut, swathing you both in pitch black.
…but there’s no reaction?
After almost a full minute of silence, Shinsou said, “I suppose I’m meant to finagle a light source.”
“Brilliant, my lord,” you said, throwing your hands up in the air, even though he couldn’t see them.
You heard the quiet clack of the cookware in his rucksack as he set it on the floor, along with his unbuckling and unbuttoning before feeling around inside. “If you must know, I was waiting to see if something would appear. I know the way you think. You like puzzles in which the solution is to slow down.”
Rustling. A metallic scrape. The striking of flint, and a candle’s flame illumed Shinsou’s jaw from beneath, shadows crawling up his cheekbones and pouring into his eye sockets. He hissed when he saw a trail of wax dripping down the side of the column, and he wrestled about in his rucksack for the tiny iron plate of a candle holder and carefully jabbed the lit candle onto its spike. He shook his hand to flick off the wax that had already melted down.
“Do you need a candle?”
“I’m fine,” you said, and you traced a set of runes onto your left palm to summon a tiny replica of the moon, shining brightly silver as it levitated above your hand.
“Show-off,” Shinsou said, muttering, and he slung his rucksack back over his shoulder to traipse down the closest aisle.
Smirking, you went the other direction. “I’ll let you look around on your own,” you called, “I wouldn’t want to influence where you look.”
“How will I—”
“You’ll know when you find it,” you said, and you traced more runes on your skin, this time on your forearm, and a timer for an hour counted down on the inside of your wrist, just below the bondmark.
Hold on. You squinted, bringing your wrist closer. Maybe it’s the low light, but it looked like the silver band around your wrist from the binding ceremony had gotten thicker. Same on your other wrist. Not…not too much thicker, mind, but maybe it’s doubled in thickness? It had barely been thicker than the slice of a blade when it had been fresh, and it was still a barely-there sort of thin, but…you didn’t know. Maybe you’re overthinking things. Maybe you’ve just never taken a good look at it before. You shook down your sleeve, resolving to keep better watch on the band, and you shook it from your mind.
Fifty minutes later, you tore yourself away from the book on astronomy you’d been reading at the librarian’s desk to go check on Shinsou. You found him sitting cross-legged on the floor, going through the bottom shelf of a collection of printed books, holding the candle closely to the pages to read them.
“If you light any of these books on fire, I’ll kill you,” you said, rolling the moon around in your palm.
“This place is a mess,” said Shinsou, shutting the book in his lap, “If there’s any system for organisation, I can’t figure it out. Can you at least tell me if I’m looking for a printed book, a manuscript, a scroll, a pamphlet…?”
“Oh, c’mon,” you said, and you spread your fingers, expanding the moon in size and brightness; you flicked your wrist upwards so that it would float above the both of you, coating the area in light. You dropped your hand and crouched next to him. “You even have the advantage of knowing I’m the one who planted it. Can’t you deduce it from there?”
Shinsou paused and then returned the book to its place on the shelf. “There are many printed books in your tower,” he said slowly.
You scoffed. “Think harder, my lord; don’t you remember—” You cut yourself off. “No, I guess you wouldn’t. Those first five years of the war, from when we were thirteen to eighteen and didn’t see each other much at all—since I wasn’t named Court Mage until I was eighteen, I wasn’t involved in too much of the wartime measures. I remember we caught glimpses of each other once I became sixteen and started scavenging, and I was at Lord Yamada’s battlefield camps sometimes, but mostly I was working rotating stints at as many different professions as I could.”
Shinsou narrowed his eyes. “Why were you—”
“Not now,” you said, holding up a finger, “but the one I worked in at least part-time for a solid year, the year before I was named Court Mage, was the Yuuei National Archive, where I learnt how to handle, preserve, create, and illuminate manuscripts. They have scrolls and printed books there, too, of course; now that we’ve discussed it a bit, I’ve remembered they worked fairly closely with Utsushimi Camie’s press. Thankfully, they kept me more towards the writing side of making manuscripts instead of the parchment-making part of it; I don’t like killing the sheep myself—because, y’know, for a one-hundred-page manuscript, you need to kill one hundred sheep. One sheepskin makes a page of parchment.” You sucked in through your teeth. “They liked the spell I came up with to scrape off used pages more thoroughly; it meant we could recycle them more than usual.”
“So, I’m looking for a manuscript?”
“No, you’re looking for a printed book,” you said, checking the inside of your wrist—less than five minutes remaining. “I like the printing press so much; I think it’s the best invention of the past fifty years. It’s making everything more accessible, since it mostly prints things in vernacular to turn a profit.” You followed Shinsou in standing up, and you brushed off your cloak. “It also lets me own more texts privately; I hate coming back to a text that someone else has somehow marred. Plus, presses like Utsushimi’s are keen to publish frivolous things, which I like. With manuscripts,” you said, following Shinsou to the next aisle, the hovering moon close behind, “so many of the topics are grave, because of the seriousness of simply having a manuscript; if you kill a flock of sheep or cows or whatever to make it, you have to make what you’re writing count. Lots of dull or pedagogical topics, like philosophy, cosmography, medicine. Stuff that’s supposed to be important.” You rolled your eyes, running a finger over a row of book spines. “So, I very much adore insipid books like Sir Anselm and þe Lemman Sweete of Ȝister-evin, because it’s a book that’s allowed to be stupid in its content. We can now make enough books that ones on light-hearted topics can exist. Aren’t you the one supposed to talking your mouth off, my lord? I notice you’re not narrating your thought process.”
Halting so abruptly that you almost ran into him, Shinsou cocked his head. “I was trying to listen. I thought I heard something.”
You checked your timer, which had run out. “You probably did. You should investigate.”
Electing to sit this one out, you sat against the library doors while Shinsou chased around a book, which bent itself in running around the library, dodging Shinsou through ducking through his legs, climbing up the shelves, and cutting through gaps between other books. When Shinsou finally pounced on it, the book shuddered and fell still in his grip, glowing a vivid indigo.
“Indigo again?” asked Shinsou as he approached, panting, knuckles white from grasping the book so tightly, as if it would shake loose, “Does that—” He huffed and swallowed with effort. “Does that have any particular meaning?” He shoved his back against the door and sank to the floor next to you.
“Not really,” you said, repositioning the moon to hang directly above the two of you, “I admit I have a bit of a soft spot for it, since I spent a season learning how to make the dye.”
Shinsou rattled around for his canteen. He opened his mouth to say something but instead took a drink. After he swallowed, he asked, “One of your temporary jobs?” He took another mouthful. “May I ask why you were doing that? Yamada’s orders?”
“Lord Yamada mainly let me do as I wished during those years, so long as I kept up my magic studies and would come when he summoned me. No, I was doing that of my own volition,” you said, stretching your arms above your head, “It’s naïve of me, I know, but I knew even then that I wanted to help create a world where everyone has leisure time. It’s no life, working oneself all the time.”
Shinsou cleared his throat pointedly.
“Not a word,” you said, “There’s all this body-breaking, constant labour all around us, from the spinning and weaving to harvesting to cleaning to cooking to laundry to—y’know. And I want people to live as long as they can, and have time for themselves where they don’t have to break themselves.” You shifted to sit on your knees, and you faced him. “Keigo and I became friends over similar thoughts. And we decided we would work to create better magic so that more people could relax. But we couldn’t come up with spells that were particularly useful, because we didn’t know the detail work for any of the problems. So we set out to learn as many professions as we could so we could help people better. And we did get better at it. It ended, mostly, when I became Court Mage, and Keigo took over the shop.”
Nodding, Shinsou rubbed his thumb over the edge of the pages of the still-glowing book. “Thank you for telling me. That answers a lot of questions I’ve had over the years.”
You laughed through your nose. “Really?”
“More than one captured soldier had arrows they claimed you made. When I did reconnaissance through Irrishir Gard months after the siege, people said you helped them catch rats and repair their cookware. The House of Aizawa’s laundry-workers implemented a spell they’d said you’d crafted to wring the dirt out more thoroughly. Passing through a burning village, I found a man clinging to a blown-glass sake set, which he said you’d made. And others. I’ve thought it strange that you would have your hand in so many jars.”
You cringed. “That makes me sound impressive. I’m really not. For most of the jobs, I’d only work there for a short time, learn the basics, and then focus on the problem the real workers wanted to solve. Now, I only have time to keep up with the spells, not the physical labour, so I’ve lost most of my skill for all of that.”
Shinsou blinked slowly, eyelashes slightly silver in the moonlight. “But it means you’re well-rounded, albeit shallowly.”
“Oh, thanks a bunch,” you said, grumbling.
“And Yamada just let you do this?”
You shrugged. “He was off at the battlefront. When I wrote him about it, he didn’t protest.”
“Hm. Very different from my experience with him. And Aizawa.” He curled his fingers into a fist atop the glowing book. “But back to indigo—if you’ve worked with the dye, it explains why your cloak is bright fucking blue. Honestly, your excellency, if you’re going to be conducting any more stealth missions, you’ll want to leave that eyesore at home.”
“Stop being so goddamn rude,” you said, swiping him with one of its billowing sleeves—he ducked, grinning, and you grabbed the book from his lap, which stopped glowing once it was in your hands. “Now, there’s no real reason for both the path and the glow of the book to be indigo, but there could be a reason.”
You opened it to its frontispiece, which you’d written in deliberately garbled Old Runic to look mysterious. You unlatched Gingko from her scabbard. “Erase that,” you said, pointing to the title, and she emitted a golden spark that scrubbed the page clean. You then held her like a pen, and, after a moment of deliberation, you wrote Indigo Lapidary and Herbal in the common tongue.
Crossing his arms, Shinsou leant closer to get a better look. “What did it say before?”
“Same thing, but without indigo. The questers weren’t meant to read it. They’re meant to flip open to—” You let the book fall open to the precise recto and verso that detailed the ritual the questers would be trying to set up. “The list of ingredients and a vague gesture of where to find them. But I hope they flip through the rest of the book; I worked really hard on it. My favourite detail,” you said, opening the back cover, “is the bookmark.”
Shinsou let out a low whistle. The back pages had a space carved out of them for the end of the ribbon bookmark to scrunch up inside: standard-looking ribbon, but the end of it had an amethyst the size of a walnut.
“It’s not entirely real,” you said quickly, while he took it between two fingers to hold up to the light, “It’s actually a chunk of starstone, with a miniscule bit of amethyst stretched out over it.”
“Starstone?” Shinsou grimaced, lowering the bookmark to cup it in both hands. “Won’t they be able to tell? If they trace it for magic, I mean.”
“The whole book would light up for traces of magic, so I don’t think it would matter much. Did you see the back of it, though? The magic circle that’s needed for the ritual is carved on it.”
Shinsou turned it over in his palm, looking it over, before gingerly setting the stone back into its slot at the end of the book. “Interesting. Fitting for a lapidary, I suppose.”
“I think, with the title change, they’ll be on guard for indigo throughout the quest, and I think that can serve us. Perhaps I can charm each ingredient to glow indigo on initial touch, as an indicator of correctness? But, I think, it would only make sense for those who have touched the book…”
“I’d like to get out of this library, actually, so would it be all right if we left before our scheduled overthinking?”
“Oh, shut—” You sighed, rolling back a shoulder, and you handed him the book, which glowed again once it left you. “Fine. You found the book, after all. It was set to move and make noise after an hour of people exploring. If you’d found it before the hour were up, it’d simply have glowed upon touching. Now the issue is how to get out of here,” you said, pushing yourself to stand. “It’s all on you, my lord.”
Shinsou pulled on the door, but they were sealed. He stood back, putting his hands on his hips as he examined the doors, which, as he so cleverly announced, had words written on them in white paint.
“Huh,” he said, voice echoing, “That’s nice. Very pretty. I can’t read it.”
“That’s the point. The solution requires translation.”
“I can’t even tell what language it is. I don’t recognise the script.”
“Is that so? You’ve seen it elsewhere in the past three minutes,” you said, running the pad of your thumb over the ridge of a fingernail.
Shinsou scrambled to open the glowing book, checking its pages against the door and frowning, because the majority of the text was written in vernacular, but after a few minutes, he successfully realised that the front and back covers both had runic words on them, the back cover in Middle Runic, the front in Old Runic, which was also on the door.
Shinsou frowned. “But we learnt Modern Runic from Aizawa.”
“Yes,” you said, pointing at the back cover, “but Middle Runic, though it’s pronounced differently and has some unfamiliar words and letters, is similar to it. There are words and structure you recognise in this passage. Think.”
Shinsou flipped between the front and back covers, realising. “Both covers say the same thing. There’s corresponding words in the Middle Runic that’ll help me read the Old Runic.”
It took Shinsou so long that you started wandering the aisles again, but eventually he parsed out, “‘I go to make my life a…palimpsest?”
The double doors lurched open on their own with a drawn-out groan, light from the corridor flooding inside. Shinsou tucked the book underneath his arm with a flash of his brows and trotted across the threshold and up the stairway—but he stopped and turned around when the book slipped out from underneath his arm and floated back towards you. “All that work, and I don’t even get to keep it?”
“I’ve got a copy,” you said, sending the book back to its hiding spot in the library, the now-dormant book disappearing into the black, “that mirrors the real book exactly. If we need to update anything about the ingredients, we can alter that copy, and it’ll change in the real one. You’ll be using my copy as reference for the rest of our quest so that the real one can stay here.”
“As you wish,” said Shinsou, shoving his hands in his pockets and shifting his weight to one hip. “In the meantime, care to explain what a palimpsest is?”
“A manuscript page that has been scraped for reuse.” You caught up to him on the stairway, and the two of you continued upwards. “It’s a password meant to get them thinking that they can change themselves and start anew—to turn over a new leaf.”
Shinsou didn’t exactly smile, since his mouth formed a straight line, but one couldn’t exactly call it anything besides a smile. “I doubt they’ll be thinking about the personal applications of that metaphor, especially if they’ve never encountered the word before.”
“Lords Midoriya and Todoroki will know it; I’ve spoken with them both about working with manuscripts.” The fustiness of the vestibule greeted you, and you took a moment to lock the door behind you while Shinsou charged past you, muttering loudly enough that you caught his snide comment, “One can only hope that the rest of this quest won’t be nearly as superciliously esoteric.”
Once you were on the porch, he took great, gulping breaths of morning air.
***
You don’t know what Shinsou had been worried about; the rest of the quest was perfectly easy to solve, if you were paying attention to the instructions.
You planted a piece of sea glass in a northern dragon’s underground burrow, and Shinsou successfully sneaked in and out of the burrow, walking on precious metals, coins, and debris without making a sound, infuriatingly leaving the dragon unaware he’d even been inside.
He successfully solved a logic puzzle you’d set up inside a grove outside of Estica—you’d known you’d wanted a logic puzzle somewhere along the line, something that even Bakugou couldn’t brute force, and since Shinsou solved it fairly quickly, it let you know the rest of your future questers would solve it eventually.
It was in the catacombs hidden underneath the moor outside of Aulos where Shinsou turned into a little bitch.
“Why—” Shinsou sucked in through his teeth, cutting himself off once he stumbled into what had been an artfully arranged pyramid of skulls. His fingers curled stiffly, as if it were taking all of his strength not to clench them into fists. The skulls clattered around his ankles, some rolling into the thick stacks of bones lining the cavern walls overflowing to the ceiling. He slapped both of his hands over his face, dragging down his cheeks, stretching the skin underneath his eyes. “Why does this quest entail going underground so often? I’m getting really—won’t your questers think it’s too repetitive?”
“My lord, I told you that we’re getting the hard steps out of the way first. The questers won’t necessarily be going in the same order. Now that they’ve got the Indigo Book, they can go in any order they like,” you said, sitting on a tiny, violet cloud you’d summoned so that your shoes didn’t have to soak up catacomb water, “This is the last time we’ll be going underground.” Probably.
“This is vile,” said Shinsou, letting his hands drop, and when his eyes followed them down, he winced at the grime coating his clothes from breaking through the crumbling wall blocking off the catacombs and crawling through the tunnel. He moved to brush off what he could but changed his mind before he grazed the fabric, instead dropping his hands again—and then pinching the bridge of his nose. “Give me a minute. I need a minute.”
You waited.
No sound here, not even wind. Nothing except water dripping from cracks in the cavern ceiling. Not even vermin scuttling amongst the bones. Dust, debris, and grime, slathered over every part of the catacombs, from inside a hollowed crevice of a skull’s eye socket to the surface of the half-inch-deep, stagnant water inside dips of the earthy terrain. You could see how some people would think this place was creepy, what with the thousands and thousands of bones shrouded in complete darkness (aside from your conjured moonlight), but considering this was currently a controlled environment for the sake of the quest, you didn’t see why Shinsou should be nervous, aside from the fact that the shallow water made even the shifting of his weight audible for once.
“Right,” said Shinsou, dropping his hand for the third time, steeling himself, “I’m not doing this one. Tell me how to solve the puzzle, and I’ll do it, to see if it’s physically possible, but I’m not spending time working this one out.”
Your brow furrowed. “No. The quest-takers won’t have the ability to skip a step, so you have to do each of them.”
“Yeah, well, the quest-takers aren’t me, and I would like. To leave.”
“What could possibly be the matter, my lord? Or are you not the spymaster of the House of Aizawa, who should be used to death?”
“It’s the stench,” said Shinsou, grimacing, shoulders slightly hunched, eyes tracing the dirt ceiling, “It’s all rot. There’s no life down here. All darkness, all decay. Makes me feel like I’m a rock crammed in a jagged crevice, unable to fight my way out.” He flinched at a drop of water falling near him, splatting into the puddle he was standing in.
Oh, that’s weird. That’s weird. He’s acting…hm. You can…you’ll concede for now, since clearly something else is going on. Perhaps you should edit the Indigo Book to ensure the questers don’t go to all the underground steps all at once. “Okay,” you said slowly, “You promise you’ll finish the task, if I tell you what to do?”
Shinsou pursed his lips. “Do I have to?”
“Only if you want to leave.”
Scowling, he nodded.
“The sacred bone you’re looking for glows when wet, according to the Indigo Book. You could solve it by taking each individual bone and dipping it in the puddles, but the most efficient way to solve it is to flood the catacombs.”
Shinsou heaved a huge sigh, chest rising and falling. “Are you joking?”
“I’ll continue to be nice: you don’t have to flood them all the way. You only have to get the water deep enough to stick your face in and look from side to side. The sacred bone is on one of the lower rows of these piles, so the catacombs don’t need to be filled up completely. Now say, thank you, your excellency.”
“Thank you, your excellency,” said Shinsou, grumbling, and he crossed his arms as he glanced towards the ceiling again. “Must I destroy the roof?”
“No, but you do have to decide which cracks that are leaking water that you want to expand. It’s just a matter of choosing the right ones.”
Shinsou ran his tongue along the inside of his cheek. “You know. I think this is a step of the quest you can cut out.”
“Well, why don’t you convince me, then, by choosing all of the wrong cracks?”
It took a bit more goading. He never revealed anything more about what about the catacombs made him so tetchy, but you’ll get it out of him at some point. Eventually, he agreed he’d properly test out which cracks to expand after you offered to backtrack to Aulos for the evening so that you could stay in an inn, instead of camping out like usual, and getting his clothes magically washed.
Shinsou was overly cautious in choosing the cracks to open, which meant he took a long time, but by being so, he made no mistakes, meaning he didn’t have to do it again. Once the water reached his mid-calf, he knelt and plunged his face into the silty water, searching the stacks of bones for the right one.
Gasping, he finally emerged with the shining metacarpal, and he sludged towards you, water splashing around his legs with each step. Grey water trailing down his face, cutting through the layer of grit, Shinsou thrust the bone into your palm, his own fingers still curled around it, as if unable to let go.
With your other hand, you held up the pre-made teleport pearl you’d had in your pocket. “This is going to take us right to the surface, all right? You don’t have to crawl through the tunnels again—”
“Oh, good fucking gracious, thank you,” said Shinsou, tension leaving his shoulders as he flipped his hand still clutching the bone so that his was beneath yours, and he raised both of them to kiss the back of your hand, hard, and when he opened his eyes again, he looked so much like that kid you used to know that you didn’t know how to react besides crushing the teleport in your palm.
Lying down in the fields of Aulos Moor, only the reddening sky and the high weeds in your view, you still didn’t quite know how to handle it. Shinsou lay next to you, panting, soaked, and his arm was thrown across your chest as he caught his breath, and the cold water was seeping into your cloak, chilling your skin.
You retreated into Aulos proper and booked a room (separate beds), and while he scrubbed the catacombs off of himself in the shower, you sent his clothes to the wash and ordered a meal to take up to your room. With each clink of the pewter cups on the tray as you climbed the stairs, you wondered when Shinsou had become so afraid of whatever it was about the dark.
***
You decided the next few steps would be more urban.
In Tremagrim, a wide, sprawling city with competing secret societies clandestinely fighting for territory (if you were betting, you’d bet that the Veils would win over the Toques, Mantles, and Chaperons, since only the Veils were truly willing to fight dirty, but you would like to see the Wimples win, since you’d love to see an all-female group take over the cafés of downtown), your quest leads into the outskirts of the shopping district, where the rows of tiny shops are so cramped together that some of them share a door.
“You’ll want to keep your head covered while we’re here, by the way,” you said, pulling up the liripipe hood of your cloak and tucking your hair into it, “Not that these magic societies will actually do anything to anyone out in public, but you don’t want to seem like you have a favourite.”
“Then wouldn’t it seem the most impartial to not have a hat at all?” Shinsou asked, pulling his short-tailed chaperon down as far as he could over his head regardless.
“No, actually,” you said, lowering your voice as you smiled at a passing vendor and her cart, squeezing your way through the single-minded crowd of the narrow, cobbled road as they crossed from shop to shop, “because Tremagrim is wildly superstitious. It’s home to that famous serial killer, you know, uh. What’s her name?”
Shinsou ducked under two workers straining under a long ladder and stopped himself before running into a young girl selling flowers. “I can’t remember, but I know who you’re talking about. Didn’t they catch her?”
“No, she’s still active, and they say she only murders people without a hat.”
“This city is massive,” said Shinsou, shaking his head, “How would she—?”
“I try not to think about it,” you said, turning down a back alley and striding past the pathetic magical barrier, “Since Tremagrim is outside of Yuuei’s jurisdiction, unless they specifically summon me, I can’t do anything about it.”
Past the barrier, the narrow stretch of shops turned sickly green, hardly half a dozen of them in a row before thumping into a dead end with sacks of rubbish piling up, rats skittering when you walk up. The roots of the city’s Great Cypress jutted upwards through the cobblestones even at this distance from its trunk at the heart of the city, splitting the stonework and adding yet another hazard to tread around. Though there was no visible moss, the feeling of it softened your step.
“Remember,” you muttered to Shinsou, “You want Sheerifhs oil.”
The owner of Woodlow Apothecary, a signless, nondescript storefront in shambles, sat outside of her shop on a crate, plucking absently on a citole (her bow leant against the door). She didn’t take notice of you even when you stood directly before her, just as Keigo had described. You noted that she was wearing a green silk mantle, so maybe she’s partial to that crowd.
“Greetings and salutations,” you said, as Keigo had advised, “My companion wishes to make a purchase from Woodlow Apothecary. I would like to observe the exchange.”
The owner looked at you for the first time, scanning the both of you up and down before squinting up at you. “Only one customer admitted at a time.”
Smiling curtly, you unclasped your bag, and out flew the red feather Keigo had given you. It zipped about in sharp, curious movements before spotting the older woman and falling still, watching her.
When she held out her palm, the feather rushed to lie flat in it. “Takami has been holding out on me, and he finally sends a feather with a proxy? Coward.” She closed her fingers around it. “Only the buyer may speak inside,” she said, and she retrieved her bow from against the door, permitting you both to enter.
Before the door even shut behind you, you’re struck with a cold humidity, which felt deliciously wrong, because you could see a wall covered in racks solely devoted to steaming flower petals. Adding to the confusion was that it smelled perfectly of nothing, contrary to the countless herbs, flowers, and jarred tinctures lining every surface possible. A jade ceiling light shone deliberately on a certain tray of sickly-looking leaves, casting the whole shop in a green haze.
You grinned—did you have time to figure out how they were creating such a discordant atmosphere? While Shinsou warily crossed to the main counter, you wandered over to the racks of steaming petals and placed your palm flat onto the wall.
You’d hardly found the first masking spell when the shopkeeper’s assistant strode out of the back—looking, for all intents and purposes, exactly like Shinsou, down to the tiny strands of violet hair poking out of his chaperon, with the exception of wearing the same, green apron that the owner had been wearing.
(Your grin widened. Keigo had told you how unsettling it was, having to buy herbs and poisons from someone who wore your own face.
You supposed it had taken the shopkeeper’s assistant a minute to appear, because he had to choose which of your faces he would wear. Keigo was right—you’re not sure you’ve ever seen a better double. Most doubles are imperfect in some way, as this one had to be, but however it was flawed, it hid it well.
Still, you have less experience with doubles than Keigo, so you wouldn’t quite know what to look for. This one looked completely identical to Shinsou, from what you could tell, down to the diagonal scar through his left eyebrow.)
The shopkeeper’s assistant stood behind the counter, directly across from Shinsou, saying nothing. He tilted his head, wispy strands of hair at his neck escaping the hat and curling slightly.
Shinsou slowly glanced over his shoulder at you, gave a flash of his eyebrows (to which you shrugged), and turned back to the shopkeeper with his face, who wore it almost blankly. “I would like some Sheerifhs oil, please.”
The Shinsou-shopkeeper nodded deeply and withdrew to a far shelf behind the counter, crammed with miniature, brown bottles with sealed corks and handwritten labels. He retrieved a bottle no bigger than his thumb from the second-to-top shelf and brought it back to the counter. When the real Shinsou pointed out that the bottle was Sheerifhs water, not oil, the shopkeeper, keeping a straight face, snapped his fingers in disappointment and went to retrieve the correct bottle.
Remaining stoic, Shinsou tapped his fingers in a ripple on the counter. He stooped to examine the knickknacks for sale along it—what looked like small jars of pre-boiled Gold Comb and Cat’s Clower—until the shopkeeper returned, and he paid twenty-six yenner for the minute bottle of Sheerifhs oil.
When Shinsou thanked the shopkeeper, he finally showed emotion, smiling—wider and toothier than Shinsou ever did.
When you and Shinsou left the shop, you looked over your shoulder for one last look at the double, but no one was behind the counter. Outside, the owner plucked mindlessly at her citole again, her bow nowhere in sight.
Striding quickly out of the alley and back towards the main road, you smiled, elbowing Shinsou. “Weeeeell? What did you think?”
“I think twenty-six yenner for Sheerifhs oil is a rip-off,” he said, stepping over a knobbly cypress root.
“You know what I mean,” you said, and you crossed the weak barrier into the clear sunlight.
With a sardonic smile, Shinsou tugged at the tip of each of his pointed gauntlet sleeves, pulling the fabric back down to cover his wrists. “Not a very good copy of me, was it?”
“Oh.” You moved out of the way of a mother and her three children, all holding hands in a line. “I thought it was rather effective.”
Shinsou shook his head. “No one can ever get the eyes right, when it comes to doubles. And this one had some other things wrong, too. Can’t reproduce the marks from our binding ceremony, for example.”
“Interesting,” you said, already turning it over in your head—what else couldn’t it reproduce? You’d noted some of the shopkeeper’s hair had curled, and Shinsou’s didn’t do—
Shinsou yanked you by the upper arm out of the way of a horse-drawn cart, whose hooves you hadn’t heard clopping down the cobblestones. You hurked and recovered from bending abruptly in half, holding up both hands to balance yourself, while Shinsou rolled his eyes and tightened his grip, steering you closer to the storefronts, out of the way.
“Yes, thank you,” you said, point-blankly removing his hand and spinning to face him, “I knew he wasn’t doing a perfect copy because I could hear his footsteps, but what else did he miss?”
“I can’t believe you’re still concerned about that.” Shinsou stuck his hands in his pockets and strode to the left, following the flow of traffic. “Shadow-stepping is nothing special. It’s not even magic.”
“What?” He’s actually admitting there’s a reason why he…? “Wait up.” You hiked up your cloak and rushed to catch up with him. “Tell me about shadow-stepping?”
“I think I’d like to eat first,” said Shinsou, eyes scanning the many marquees and food stalls, “I don’t know if I can manage an explanation on an empty stomach.”
“We just ate before we came into the city.”
“Travel rations are hardly filling.”
He chose some fucking restaurant with a line out streaming out of the door, too busy to seat everyone, because he said if he’s gotten ripped off already, he might as well get ripped off again by whatever bullshit the restaurant was selling. While in line, he struck up friendly (?) conversation (??) with strangers (???), smiling broadly while they told him that everyone was in line for a bowl of this place’s perpetual stew, which had been cooking since the restaurant opened seven months ago, and each bowl was unique to the person eating it—something about the servers make you touch the bowl before they fill it, and the type of soup depends on whatever you need that day.
It was only after you and Shinsou managed to find two stools outside on the packed patio (no restaurant should actually tell customers to go eat outside in this frigid weather, but the inside was so full that you could hardly slink through) and had eaten a fair amount of his scallop and smoked eel soup that he finally deemed it time to talk about shadow-stepping.
“I wouldn’t know how to categorise it, but it’s definitely not magic,” said Shinsou, gesturing towards you with his spoon, “but I understand why you haven’t heard about it, because you can only shadow-step if someone tells you how. Well—more accurately, if someone else’s shadow tells your shadow how.”
“Excuse me?” Balancing your bowl of miso soup in your lap, you pulled your liripipe hood farther down over your face, shivering slightly, your breath in the cold combining with the rising steam of the soup.
“Not to worry. My shadow is running it by your shadow as we speak.”
You glanced towards the ground, where your shadows were behaving as usual, quiet and following your movements. Because it’s a shadow. You nodded once. “Sure.”
“No, I—” Shinsou tongued a scallop to the inside of one of his cheeks to speak more clearly. “Shadow-stepping is walking completely on your shadow. In most cases, the shadow does not touch our heels but is instead attached to us by the balls of our feet, which is what causes the bulk of the noise, but once your shadow knows that you plan on walking on it fully, then the shadow muffles the sound. You can’t simply start shadow-stepping by yourself, though. Someone has to show you the first time.” He held up his hand and chewed and swallowed the scallop. “I’ll show you after you eat at least half of your soup.”
Soon, you balanced your three-quarters empty bowl on your stool while you both stood, facing away from the sun so that you stared down at the most complete silhouette you could. You rolled your shoulders back, watched your shadow do it with you, watched your breath fog in the cold, with the faint, faint shadow of that marking the cobblestones, too.
“Right,” came Shinsou’s voice from behind, low in your ear, “I’m going to have to lift you slightly. Do you have a preference for where I grab you?”
“Waist is fine,” you said, completely fucking baffled.
Shinsou’s hands came to rest on your waist from behind, and before you could fully register how goddamn big his hands were, he picked you up about two inches and placed you about two inches forward, your shadow staying in the same location, severed from you.
When your feet were planted on the ground again, your shadow was a touch shorter as it followed your motions, but your head spun, imbalanced and dizzy, and your stomach felt like it would simultaneously drop to the floor and jump out of your throat. You stumbled, eyes unfocused, and Shinsou reached for your waist again, picking you up and setting you back down—and he moved your bowl from the stool for you to sit.
You collapsed onto the stool, clinging to its seat to steady yourself. The feeling was leaving you, but it left an unpleasant but fading reverberation. “Is that—” You rasped, throat dry, and Shinsou passed over your bowl. After a couple of spoonfuls, you asked, “Is that what you’re feeling all the time? You’re a maniac.”
Shinsou smiled, returning to his own soup, sawing a slice of eel in half with his spoon. “Not anymore. One develops a tolerance for it, and the feeling dwindles over the years.”
You cleared your throat. “How is that not magic?”
“You’re not asking the right questions.”
This again. “I see. Why haven’t I heard of it?”
“Because, as I said, someone has to show you. The number of persons who both know and are willing to share are few and far between.”
“Who showed you?”
At that, Shinsou grinned, slowly, widely, and he ran his tongue along the tip of his upper canine before clicking it and replying, “Yamada.”
Your own smile vanished. “Beg pardon?”
Shinsou shrugged one shoulder, the tail of his chaperon grazing it as he dug around in his soup for more scallops. “It’s given me great satisfaction as of late to know that your patron taught me something he never bothered to mention to you. If you must know,” said Shinsou—and you would’ve known he was still grinning ear to ear even if you hadn’t been looking him straight on, because it was annoyingly evident by his voice, “I don’t even know how old we were, but it wasn’t long after Aizawa started taking me on those solo hunts on the new moon. Aizawa was cross at me for making too much noise, and before I could develop the skills to move silently on my own, Yamada showed me the solution Aizawa ultimately wanted. I can move silently without it now, of course, but I find it’s safer to shadow-step than not.”
You shifted in your seat, gaze on the toes of your boots. Why hadn’t Yamada told you? What were you lacking that Shinsou had? Why hadn’t—
“Spectacular,” you said, standing, clutching your empty bowl as you looked around for the return tub, “I’m going to get really good at shadow-stepping.”
***
Shinsou shook you awake.
But it’s past matins, and the fire for that night’s camp had already been long stifled, with the eternal coal wrapped in a wet washcloth and folded away, so you have to blink away your sleep while your eyes adjust to the darkness. You swatted at him to get him to stop touching you, and you sat up, blankets pooling around your hips.
You blinked up at the night sky. Moon’s a waning crescent, so it’s not helping much with the light situation. Today had been purely a travel day to get to the next step of the quest, without stops, so whatever he’s woken you up for had better be worth the continued ache in your bones. “Yes, my lord?”
“Your excellency,” said Shinsou, eyes darting across camp, “Not that I would ever want to suggest that your protective wards could fail, but we’re being followed.”
You rubbed at your eye with the heel of your palm. “And you can’t take care of it?”
“I’ve tried. It’s followed us for the past few nights, but when I get near it, it vanishes. And I’ve never seen it during the day.”
Your yawn stopped your smile. About time it showed up. “Then it sounds like we need to investigate. Let me gets my shoes on. Keep an eye on it, please?”
While you laced up your boots, Shinsou paced, stooping, around the camp you’d set up for the night—your bedroll a tangled mess, his still made and unwrinkled, like he hadn’t gotten on it at all (but Sir Anselm and þe Lemman Sweete of Ȝister-evin was upturned on his pillow). Looked like he’d tidied away the cookware that you’d used for supper, even though you’d said you’d do it in the morning. Since it’d been a clear night, neither of you had pitched your tents, but you could understand Shinsou’s reluctance to stand totally upright, since if he were taller than the high grass, that would put him in the line of sight of whatever he thought he was hiding from, since nothing but vast expanses of wilderness stretched in every direction for at least ten leagues. When Shinsou was looking away, you tucked the Indigo Book into your cloak and announced you were ready.
When you stood, you could see the top of it even from this distance: a tall, transparent cone, with a wide base, almost like a tent itself, filled with bright sunlight, a stark contrast to the darkness of night around it. You followed Shinsou all the way to its edge, swishing through the high grass that blew in the night breeze.
“It’s stable,” said Shinsou, frowning, toes nearly touching its border as he crouched, “I’ve never gotten a proper look at it.”
Around the size of the dining hall in Yuuei castle, the cone proved to be a glassy sort of transparent—you couldn’t see inside plainly (there was even some condensation on the cone blocking a clear view), but you could see suggestions of wildflowers, and the sunlight was refracting brilliantly on certain points in the freshly cut grass.
Shinsou inhaled sharply: he’d grazed the barrier, and his fingers had gone directly through.
“Seems like we can enter,” you said, “Do you want to?”
“Not particularly,” said Shinsou, standing and pushing back the sleeves of his undershirt, “but I expect we will.”
When you passed through the glassy barrier, it was a glorious slice of spring, right here, contained in this circle weighed with humidity: dew-damp grass and wildflowers in a smattering of red, purple, white, and yellow, but also sprouts of poppies and daffodils and heather, all bathed in clear, warm sunlight emanating from the top of the cone, hot enough to warm the skin but not enough to form sweat, and the sky above was the perfect blue of a jay’s feather.
Shinsou’s frown deepened at the start of the tabour pipe music, chippering away delightedly, and he crouched once again, elbows resting on his knees while he examined what kept glinting in the sunlight: one of thousands of miniature figurines strewn about the grass. When he held one up to the light, its clear crystal refracted a rainbow onto his cheek.
“I don’t like this,” said Shinsou, tossing the crystal crane back onto the grass, “I don’t…” But he reached down to pick up a crystal butterfly, followed by a crystal frog. “No,” he said, head snapping towards you, expression first one of incredulity but morphing into an exasperated smile, “No, you—you—you know exactly how to design these things to be as frustrating as possible.”
You shot him a thumbs-up, and now that he’s figured out this was of your doing, you settled down in the grass, crossing your legs and bringing out the Indigo Book to hold in your lap.
He gestured towards the book with a crystal owl in hand. “I read that we’re supposed to obtain nine, crystal horses, without informing us where to obtain them, so I conjectured that we would go to any crystal jeweller, since those are few and far between; I know there’s one who frequents the makeshift market right in front of the Gauntlet.” Shinsou sat back on his knees. “There’s got to be at least a thousand figurines in here.”
“Then you’d better start looking, my lord.”
Shinsou leant forward onto his hands, picking up a crystal crow. “It’s your own fault if I don’t find all nine horses before sunrise. This quest is not designed for the individual.”
“It’s not meant to be, remember? Teamwork and bonding, and all that.”
Shinsou focused on searching through the grass, running into the exact frustrations you’d planned: firstly, that there were many horse-like figurines but few true horses. He kept finding unicorns and kelpies and donkeys, and even a yak fooled him. He also discovered that, as time elapsed, the figurines he’d touched came to life and felt the need to crawl all over him, playing with his buttons and chain belt and the nape of his neck, leading to him tossing you his chaperon so that they could play in his hair, where they could bother him the least.
“Is this one supposed to be you?” Across the circle, Shinsou held up a figurine that you couldn’t make out. “It’s a figure hunched over in a cloak that looks like it could be patchwork.”
“Not supposed to be any human figures in here,” you said, racking your brain for what cloaked creatures you included, “It’s probably a cougoul—y’know, those formless shapeshifters that wear a cloak to appear human. Similar to selkies and merrow, and whatnot.”
Shinsou wrinkled his nose. “Why’d you include fantasy creatures in here with real ones?”
“Oh, so you say that with cougouls, but you take no issue with—”
“I was referring to all three of them,” said Shinsou, setting the cougoul down gently, “I find it difficult to believe that there are magical creatures out there that are desperate to become human, or, at least, appear it. I admit I can’t really see any benefit to it. I can much more easily understand how humans would want to abandon their humanity to become more like fae.”
(You thought of Yamada, a fae who has been playing human for almost forty years, purely because he found it fun.
But what an odd thing to say, that humans would want to become more like fae. Animosity between humans and fae, considering the history of kidnappings, servitude, and murder, was high, so to want to become like someone you hate would be unusual. Moreover, all Yamada seemed to have going for him was centuries’ worth of knowledge, a predisposition for spellcasting prowess, pointed ears that he hid with a glamour, and a pompous attitude, and you couldn’t see the general public abandoning humanity for those. The only aspect you could understand the average person wanting would be the extended lifespan, whose workings Yamada only alluded to but had explicitly stated it wasn’t immortality.
Regardless, the fae sounded like they were wrapped up in too many rules—dealing in deadly wordplay and deliberately truncated information, heavily contractual and magically bound by their words. You rather liked speaking casually and figuratively, being able to, among other things, be sarcastic or dishonest.
[Yamada never lied exactly, but he often spoke to you about how he’s grown very skilled at leaving out crucial information. He was a fascinating study of pure eccentricity.]
If Shinsou knew some reason that humans would want to be more like fae, you’d like to hear it, whether it’s something about fae he knows that you don’t, or if it’s more personal.)
“Would you want…” But you trailed off, remembering to whom you were speaking.
Shinsou let the partial question hang, expression blank as he fiddled with his rucked-up sleeve at the crook of his left elbow. Eventually, he said with a sardonic smile, “After what I’ve been through? I’m quite content as I am.”
You laughed nervously, eager to change the subject, considering what happened last time changelings were mentioned. “Makes sense! But back to the cougoul figurine—I wouldn’t want to make something that looks exactly like me—” Oh, that’s a good change in subject. “—and cast it about in here. Incidentally, speaking of things that look like us, you never did finish telling me your thoughts on that shopkeeper who looked like you. You said it wasn’t a good double but didn’t elaborate much why.”
“No one can make a truly perfect double. Trust me on this,” said Shinsou, finally abandoning his sleeve and swatting at a crystal seal at his hairline, “I may not be able to cast the magic myself, but I am well acquainted with a sorcerer who has spent the majority of his magical career attempting to make a perfect copy of himself. I’ve heard his rants about other people’s copies so often that I can recite them almost verbatim.”
You uncrossed your legs to stretch them out in front of you, and you set the Indigo Book and his chaperon to the side. “I hate to admit I don’t know much about doubles.”
“He says it’s all about the eyes,” said Shinsou, gesturing towards his own, “The most perfect double otherwise will have something wrong with them. Almost invariably, there’s no life in them. Which is to be expected, really, because you’re creating a temporary being without a soul, but since you’re mimicking a souled creature, it should at least pretend to contain life. He says the easiest way about it is to make copies of people who are dull-eyed to begin with. I say the longer he keeps at this, he’ll make himself a fair candidate.”
“I wasn’t close enough to the shopkeeper, but he looked alive enough to me. Was it the same up close?”
“There was skill involved,” Shinsou conceded, “because the eyes had a bit of pretend shine in them. But the eyes were still wrong. Mine are violet. The double’s were, too, but they had a sliver-thin ring of orange around the rim of the iris.” He picked up a crystal moose, hummed, and set it aside. “Surely you could spot the other differences. Making noise. Curling hair at the nape. Didn’t have all the scars on my neck, probably because they’re so hard to make out. Got my ears wrong. Left out the binding magic bands around my wrists, which, at this point, would be a key way to identify my body, should it fall in battle. It’d been wearing shorter sleeves, too, and it didn’t have—”
“Who’s your sorcerer friend who’s taught you all of this?”
Shinsou glanced back at you, carefully removed a crystal crab and salamander from tangling in his hair, and said, “It doesn’t matter. With any luck, you’ll never have cause to meet him. Feel free to kick my ass if I ever bring the bastard up again.”
***
Bodies and doubles were still on your mind as you waited at one of the Obsidian Obelisk’s spawn points. (It had sixteen points it could appear within the town of Aubrey, each for 30 seconds, once a day, and instead of going from place to place, Shinsou’s plan was to camp out at a single spot and wait for it to materialise so that he could chip off a piece of its obsidian for the quest.)
The waiting was taking a while. You’d finished your daily recitations and had packed up your spinning top long ago; Shinsou reclined quite languidly on the crates outside of the armoury, altering between flipping his dagger as he tossed it to himself and balancing the tip of its blade on his finger. Your mind had wandered back to the doubles, back to fae and their extended lifespans, back to humanity, and why on earth someone would want to step away from it.
“My lord,” you said, lying back on the pallet of crates, head dangling upside-down off the edge, “if you could have any non-human bodily trait, what would you want to have?”
He flipped his dagger again, catching it by the blade with his mottled hand. “Hm.” Pinching the blade’s tip, he let it swing downwards, hilt down. “What would you want?”
“I don’t exactly know what my answer would seriously be,” you said, and because you wanted to make him feel better, you talked a bit about a fae trait in a positive way. “I was considering the pointed ears that fae have? I like them. I feel like we humans lose out on a ways of expressing emotion because our ears are so bland. Pointed ears, I feel, would move and show emotion in fun ways, I think, similar to something like rabbit’s ears or cow’s ears. Because I know that—” You almost fucked up and said Yamada. “—they would have to learn how to conceal or control their ear motions, or the blush that reaches the tips, y’know? I think it’d be cute. Plus, the piercings would be more elaborate.”
Shinsou tossed his dagger again, slapping it with one hand to catch it in the other. “Sounds like there’d be a whole system of decorum regarding fae ears, if there’s that much emotion betrayed by them.”
“Oh, like we have with gauntlets and courtly tokens? I hadn’t…Could be fun. But yeah,” you said, rolling over on the crates to lie upright. And you decided to test out the subject some more, since he hadn’t seemed too upset about talking about fae in the magic circle. If he gets angry, then you’ll move on, but you were thinking that it’d be interesting to hear his thoughts on fae now that it’s been over a decade of being accused of being one of them. So long as you don’t directly call him a changeling, you might be okay. “I believe I would want pointed ears, if there were no social repercussions.”
Shinsou gave a deep nod. “Understandable. But there are. There seem to be no benefits of aligning oneself with fae. Once the suggestion of fae presence stains you, you suffer for it your whole life.”
He spoke calmly, evenly. Gaze on his dagger. No tension along his shoulders, legs still splayed comfortably. On the middle fingertip of his right hand, the hand marred by burning iron, he pressed the tip of his blade before striving to balance it upright, moving his palm as he played with the weight.
Bracing yourself, you asked, as nonchalantly as you could, “Do you want to talk about it?”
Shinsou shot you a look—a single brow raised, mouth flat. He shook his head very slightly.
Running your tongue over your lower lip, you nodded heavily, averting your gaze, and you pushed yourself up to sit with your back to the wall just so the swishing of fabric would fill the silence.
But again, calmly, evenly, Shinsou spoke: “So, what would non-human trait would you choose if you did have to distance yourself from the fae?”
“Oh,” you said, pleasantly surprised and totally relieved that the tense moment of your own doing had passed, “I would want to glow in the dark.”
And Shinsou snorted, covering his nose with the back of his hand before actually laughing, a joyful, full-throated thing. He opened his mouth to talk but couldn’t for laughing, and he held up a finger while he tried to compose himself.
Breathless, Shinsou managed to say, “Glowing in the dark would be terrible; what’s wrong with you? It’d be so hard to hide or hunt or even go to sleep—”
“I’d be able to read without another light source,” you said, crossing your arms and slumping against the wall.
“Yeah?” Shinsou tossed his knife again, caught it, and held it flat in his lap as he face you. “I bet it any inconveniences would outweigh the convenience. Glow what colour?”
“Colour?”
“You seem to have a propensity for indigo,” he said, pointing the hilt of his dagger at your bag and your cloak, “Would indigo help you read? Or would you glow a different colour?”
“Oh, er. Can’t I just glow—normal? A normal glow?” When Shinsou started laughing again, you clicked your tongue. “Oh, come off of it. What trait would you want, then? You’ve had time to think.”
“Hm.” Tilting his head, Shinsou flipped his knife to try to catch it on the toe of his boot, but he missed, the blade clattering across the cobblestones. He got up to retrieve it. “I know that bioluminescence or pointed ears wouldn’t serve me. In my line of work, the less noticeable I am, the better,” he said, sliding his dagger into its sheath at his thigh.
“I can imagine that if we did have pointed ears that betrayed our emotions, you’d have a reputation for holding them very still and thus seeming stoic. It might help you, then.” Yamada had told you that back when he’d lived among fae, he’d been known for how easily his body language had been read based on his ears, so it helped when Yamada hid them with a glamour for his life as a human.
“Perhaps,” said Shinsou, easing back down onto the crate, resting his elbows on his knees as he hunched forward, “But who knows how easy they’d be to control? I wouldn’t want to take the risk.” Shinsou tapped the tips of his boots on the ground, clicking. “I’ve recently grown fond of the bellow of a wandering night wyrm. That would be an effective way to garner attention when I wanted it.” He smiled. “I bet it would scare people.”
You shook your head. “You’re already scary.”
“Thank you,” said Shinsou with a shallow nod, “Would you like to try shadow-stepping again? We have time, don’t we?”
You clonked your head back against the crate, groaning. “I suppose I could try again.”
“It gets less abhorrent each time you do it.”
You had to step towards the entrance to the armoury, where the sun could touch you, and you spun until your shadow was in front of you. After attempting to do it by yourself thrice, you relented and allowed Shinsou to again place you onto your shadow.
The first two steps were fine, light, easy, even—on the balls of your feet, as if you weighed nothing. But Shinsou moved away from you, his hands dropped from their place on your waist, and dizziness slammed into you with a nauseating punch. You bent over, clutching your stomach, vision blacking out around the edges—but you could still make out the Obsidian Obelisk manifest at the edge of the alley.
Shinsou’s head had snapped towards the obelisk, too, but he, brow furrowed, reached towards you anyway. You kicked at him, missing, and barked at him to go chip off a piece of the obsidian before it disappeared (you couldn’t tell; your words sounded warbled, as if you were underwater). But he took the time to cautiously lift you back off of your shadow, wasting precious seconds ensuring you could stand on your own, before rushing over to the obelisk.
You were coughing on your hands and knees, staring into the knobbly weeds growing up between cobblestones. What an idiot, you thought, panting. If he misses this, you’ll have to wait a whole extra day in this town for the obelisk to spawn here again. You would’ve been fine. You’re fine even now. These tiny scruffs of grass were helping remind you where you were and gave you something to focus on while your vision cleared.
The scuffed tips of Shinsou’s boots came into view, stepping on what had become your favourite, straggling weed. You blinked. Looked up at Shinsou tossing a shining chunk of obsidian to himself.
“Where to next, your excellency?” he asked, running his tongue along the inside of his cheek, “Or do you need some time?”
***
You passed under the portcullis of Irrishir Gard, troppling along the edge of the drawbridge over the dried-up moat as a line of carts and carriages passed by you going the opposite direction, each stopping by the gatehouse to gain admittance to the walled city. You’d just planted a glass eye for the quest in the upper layer of the city, where the nobles resided, and it had finally started to snow yesterday afternoon, when you and Shinsou had first arrived. Now that you’ve spent a comfortable night in a rented room, the first crumbly crunch beneath your feet as you stepped off the drawbridge bodes for an icily miserable night camping—to which you were looking forward, because your bedroll was magically insulated, whereas Shinsou’s was not.
You pulled your cloak more closely around you, huffing into your scarf, your breath reflecting back up onto your cheeks. To the left of Irrishir Gard lay the city’s vast farmlands, long since readied for winter, tampered down earth and bare orchards stretching for miles. It’s good what they’ve been able to recover, in the past four years.
“A bit of snow, and this place is pretty,” came Shinsou’s voice from behind you—must have gotten tied up in the crowd. “I hope it’ll last.”
You knew what he meant. To the right lay the burnt remains from the five-month Siege of Irrishir Gard, still barren and covered in soot and ash from four years ago. Towards the end of it, pillars of charcoal grey had blotted out the sky every day and into the night, with orange and blue-hot flames licking up the oak trees, smoke inhaled with every blistering breath. You hadn’t wanted to look at it when the two of you had entered Irrishir Gard yesterday, since its charred landscape dug a pit into your gut, but the snow had started to fall and coat the grey with white.
“It didn’t melt overnight,” you said, eyes drawn to a gathering lump of snow on a branch of a scorched tree, “so I’d suspect it’ll stick.”
You breathed in—cold cutting through your lungs, windburnt—and breathed out, breath clouding in the air before being carried away by the wind. The remnants of the siege were so quiet. Untouched. They’d clearly been left alone, whereas life had been resumed on the other side of the city. Even the rebuilding of the collapsed portion of the wall had been on hold long enough for a few birds’ nests to rest in its cracks, and the dried residue of what had been boiling oil still adhered to the outer stone.
Shinsou nudged you out of the way of the traffic rushing to enter Irrishir Gard before total nightfall, and you let him guide you along the edge of the empty moat, closer to the siege land and its thin coat of unblemished snow.
“I do like the look of snow in sunlight,” Shinsou was saying, adjusting the straps on his rucksack, “but snow under moonlight is much better. The way it glitters is calmer. More mysterious.”
You appreciated what he was doing: small talk to distract from the fact that the last time the two of you were here, you were trying to kill each other. And ended up destroying many lives, of both soldiers and civilians. Thinking about it twisted a knife in your stomach. You loved Irrishir Gard and had participated in the ruin of great swaths of it and its people.
“Looks like it’s getting dark early,” said Shinsou, raising a hand over his eyes as he squinted into the last light of day, the sun having already disappeared over the horizon, “so I might get my wish. A little peace and quiet among the snow.”
“Yeah,” you said, watching a low-blowing, vivacious gust of wind bluster and leave streaks of whirls in a pattern in the snow-covered battlefield, “That’d be nice.”
Your fingers twitched against the thick fabric of your gloves. For some reason, you wanted to take his hand in yours. Revisiting this place didn’t seem right to do by yourself, and you wanted to confirm that you weren’t alone. It didn’t—it didn’t really matter that it was him.
You instead stowed your hands into the deep pockets of your cloak, clenching and unclenching them to keep warm.
“The last time we were both here,” said Shinsou, head cocked back to stare upwards, “it was a full moon.” His eyelashes fluttered: snowflakes clung to them. “Now, underneath this moonless sky, I somehow feel ever worse.”
You sighed, hardly glancing up. “My lord, it hardly matters if it’s a new moon, because the snow clouds are blocking any view of it. It’s barely even dark enough to…”
Hm.
Now, why was that important?
Snow. Darkness. Early nightfall. The moon—full, new, or otherwise. Shinsou. Shinsou? You peeked at him, and he was still staring at the sky, and—
It’s the solstice.
For the first time in almost two decades, you’d forgotten.
You spun on your heel and bolted, shoving through the lines of people waiting to be admitted to the city, flashing your magic stamp to the guards, sprinting into the first layer of the bailey with your chest feeling tight as you ran past the sponsored artisans, past the stonemason and carpenters, but they’re all shutting down their shops for the night, and oh, gracious, where are you going to—Yamada’s gonna kill you if he finds out you skipped a year; he’s told you what happens when you do—so, maybe he wouldn’t kill you when—why are all the shops closing? Goddamn it—
Shinsou grabbed your arm, pulling you out of your spiral by the slightest margin, wind whipping through both of your hair and clothes as the crowd parted around you, hastening to get inside for the longest night of the year, heads down, cramped in the lowermost layer of the city, bulging with workers, and—
“No, breathe,” Shinsou was saying, roughly tapping the side of your face—not nearly harsh enough to be a slap but just as jolting—cold skin against cold skin, chapped and raw in the winter wind.
You sucked in a strained breath and started to cough. Shinsou looked over his shoulder and dragged you as far away from the storefronts as he could, yanking you underneath a stairwell climbing up the side of next layer’s wall to get you out of the falling snow.
“We don’t have time for this,” you said, on the verge of tears, “I need to get ready for the solstice ritual; it usually takes me all day, and I don’t think I even have an hour, and I don’t have any supplies, and I—”
Shinsou gripped you by the shoulders, which surprised you so much that you cut yourself off. “What do you need?”
“Everywhere’s closing.” You wiped at the tears at your waterline that just wouldn’t fall. “There’s no—” But you did this last time you were here, didn’t you? And where’d you get your candles, then? “There is one place that’s always open,” you said, dragging your hand down your face, smearing it with tears, “We need to get to the second circle of Irrishir Gard immediately.”
Shinsou nodded. “Okay. We’ll get there. Southside? Northside?”
“Northside,” you said, striding past him to start climbing the stairway, mapping out the path in your head.
“Your excellency,” called Shinsou, jogging to catch up with you, taking two stairs at a time, “Would you mind telling me what exactly you mean by a solstice ritual?”
Fuck, you did not need some idiot who never uses magic asking you inane questions right now; it’s going to slow you down. “It’s a renewal ritual you’re supposed to do every winter solstice once you’ve been consistently practising magic.” Your grip on the railing was almost a clamp, but you could barely feel the chill seeping up through your gloves. “It’s supposed to strengthen your magic for the next year. You need an enclosed space with at least four corners; you need certain candles to go in each corner; you need the remnants of your candles from the previous solstice ritual—” You bit your tongue and hardly felt the sting as you took your first, overly-forceful step onto the second circle of Irrishir Gard, crunching with snow as you scuttled out of the way of two heavily-bundled women on the walking path.
You needed your candles from last year. Which were in your tower back home.
You’re not going to make it. Which meant your magic for the upcoming year would be wilder and less tameable, and considering your power, it would be incredibly irresponsible to let that amount of dangerous magic loose without a master. How could you be so stupid?
But, then again—the memory of a rule clarification from Yamada surfaced, a piece of information you’ve never needed before now because you’ve always kept up with these things—it didn’t precisely have to be candles from last year, just a previous solstice ritual.
From the height of the second circle, you could see over Irrishir Gard’s first fortified wall, out across the land charred by the siege. Somewhere out there, underneath the rapidly growing piles of snow, were the buried candles from the solstice ritual from four years ago.
Shinsou reached the top of the staircase just in time to see you wince as you turned away from the scorched landscape to push further north, and he followed quietly behind you. To Shinsou’s credit, he doesn’t ask any more questions until after you seemed to gather yourself. But that wasn’t until after you’d scoured the northside for the correct, grimy crevice filled to the gills with hordes and hordes of skittering rats, after you’d singled out their leader (the runt with a coat like corroding copper) to wordlessly give her twenty yenner, after she and the rest of her colony had accepted your coins and disappeared into the night, and after you’d sighed with weight and had slid down the wall of the alley to sit with your back against it.
Across from you, Shinsou remained standing, leaning against the opposite wall, arms crossed. Though you’re expecting his first question to be about the rats, he instead took a moment, rolling the words around on his tongue, before asking, “Will I be with you during this solstice ritual?”
You pushed your hair out of your face, a touch sticky with sweat despite the cold. “I,” you started, having never considered th—okay, you can see where he’s coming from, since you’ve barred him from witnessing your magic when you’ve been setting up the puzzles for the quest, but that was only because he was supposed to solve them. But this wasn’t part of the quest, so— “Lord Yamada always ensured that he and I conducted our solstice rituals separately, but that’s because you don’t want your magic getting tangled with someone else’s. He says it makes your own magic weaker. But you don’t use magic,” you said, hugging your knees to your chest, thinking it over, “so I would prefer that you were present, actually, so that I can focus on the ritual without worrying what trouble you’re getting into. You’ll have to follow exactly what I say, though.”
“Done.” Shinsou uncrossed and crossed his arms again, kicked one leg back on the wall to help his balance, and stared at a mark on the wall near your head instead of directly at you. “So, you and Yamada have been doing this for how long now? And you’ve always done it by yourself, never with another person?”
You propped your chin on one of your knees. “The first time was within my first year of magic study, so I would’ve been…eight years old?” You counted back on your fingers. “Yes, okay: my parents sold me to the palace when I was five; I worked for two years solely under Master Cook; I blew up the wall and became Lord Yamada’s ward when I was seven, so, yes, I would’ve been eight for my first solstice ritual. I’ve always performed it alone in my tower, with the exception of being outside the castle for the solstice twice, one of which was during the siege of Irrishir Gard.”
You looked up from your hands, and Shinsou had cocked his head as he glared at you, expression pinched. Both of his gloved hands, though partially concealed through the folding of his arms, were clenched into fists. “You still call Kurono Master Cook?”
Sure, let’s talk about this now. What’s his fucking problem? “You’re awfully concerned about how I address people.”
“You’d stopped,” said Shinsou, “You’d stopped calling him anything at all, once Yamada informed you that you didn’t need to respect anyone who hurt you. He broke your hand, sweet—” He brought his own hand to his mouth and bit down on his gloved knuckle.
“Not all of it,” you said, shrugging.
(You need to change the subject, and fast. You are not going to talk about it.
Yes, you’d stopped referring to that man at all in polite company, but it’s hard to avoid calling him by his title when you’re still working for him. Yamada had become your patron when you were seven, yes, but he’d been unable to justify to the higher-ups that you were talented enough to spend your days solely on magic and education—and therefore worth removing from working in the kitchens—until you were ten years old. During those three additional years, Master Cook increased his abuse towards you, purely because you were getting attention from Yamada.
Simply put, you did not think about that part of your life. It was easier for it to blur and buzz in the fissures of your brain you kept in shadow. That’s all.
And it’s not even worth addressing the fact that you went back. You’d only been trying to help. And look where…actually, let’s not.)
“You’re insufferable, and too docile, and too stuck in the past, and—” Shinsou was pacing furiously, gesturing in sharp movements. “Names have power, your excellency, and if you’re still granting him his title that puts him in a position of power over you—call him Kurono, right now.”
“I don’t have to,” you said, “I don’t have to think about him outside of the day he broke my hand, and that day, overall, is a positive memory for me.”
“You deluded fucking maso—”
“No. You fuck,” you said, emphasising the initial fricative, “It’s positive because that breaking my hand was enough to get me out of there. It’s what King Nezu and the rest deemed bad enough to completely pull me out of working in the kitchens so that I could spend more time studying. It’s what let me spend more time with you. I had only ever wanted that, anyway.” You scowled and clutched your knees more tightly to your chest as a gust of wind blustered its way through the alley. “For someone who’s got the memory of a firedrake, it burns me that you can’t seem to remember that it happened because I was trying to do something nice for you. I was—fuck, it’d been a morning. I’d already gotten yelled at for trying to rush the wafer-making for the banquet that night, and they’d all cracked, crumbled to dust between my fingers. And I’d burnt myself on the wafer iron; I’d been sucking on the burnt finger, and Master Cook had been yelling at me, thinking I was licking up the crumbs, backing me up against the burning iron that the pattern imprinted into the skin on my forearm. I’d been so angry.
“I’d been looking forward to that night, because you and I had planned to skive off during the banquet. We were going to duck out to Tiirnham Wood and practise the druid calls we’d learnt in class over the past week, and I—I thought it’d be nice. To bring you. Something nice.” You rubbed your fingers and thumb together, not feeling it. “Master Cook caught me stealing two oranges and two pears for the banquet. He’d always been watchful of what I was eating, what I was doing to my body, and—maybe I was reaching for something else, but that’s what I managed to grab before he got me. And he broke my hand here—” You traced a line from the heel of your palm to the base of your index finger. “—and here.” Again, from the heel to your middle finger, but this time inadvertently following a thread of a silver scar from the binding ritual. “And it was enough. Breaking my hand was enough. I was free.”
It took you a moment to snap out of it, but you shook yourself, noted the chill, the snow blowing, the absence of rats, and when you glanced at Shinsou, he’d fallen still, face blank. Time to end it on a chipper note. “At least I don’t have to think of that man during the solstice rituals anymore!” You stretched out your leg, popping the joints, before moving to stand. “It was always a comfort when I was younger, when Lord Yamada said that I had to concentrate on my fears during the ritual, because that would allow the renewed magic to help overcome them over the next year. Nowadays, I don’t—”
“He told you to what.” Shinsou’s expression twisted into one of disgust.
“It doesn’t matter, my lord,” you said, leaning with your forearm against the wall as you regained your balance, “but I expect it would please you to hear that the subject of many of my solstice fears has been you. Not the House of Aizawa as a whole. Not Lord Aizawa himself. You. Because you made the whole war personal, the way we were dancing around each other, the way I could never catch you, and you could never kill me. I remember thinking about you in Irrishir Gard four years ago, and how I stole into your tent the following night, emboldened with freshly renewed magic, which is probably why you didn’t detect me until I threw you a bone,” you said, grinning, “And I suppose I’ll be thinking about you this solstice as well but for different behaviour.”
“You certainly are making this difficult,” said Shinsou, pacing again, grabbing at his hair beneath his hat.
“Making what difficult?”
Shinsou spun on his heel. “To clarify,” he said, holding up a finger, eyes wide, “you’ve been doing this since you were eight, because Yamada told you to. You’ve never done it with anyone else present, because Yamada told you not to. And you want me to be with you for the solstice?”
You narrowed your eyes. “Yes,” you said slowly, “What’s the matter?”
“Nothing,” said Shinsou, removing his chaperon to card his fingers backwards through his hair, puffing back up instantly, “I—I think it’s a brave step forward, to do something against Yamada’s wishes. I encourage it. You sure he didn’t tell you to have me present for the solstice ritual?”
“Of course not. He couldn’t have even known we’d be around each other on this day, let alone during the ritual.” You ran your tongue over your chapped lips. “You’re too concerned about Lord Yamada’s influence on me, my lord. He is but my patron. Nothing else.”
“I’m glad you see it that way,” Shinsou spat, and he shook his head and spoke gently. “No, forgive me. I know you can’t see it the way I do, but he’s had his claws in you for far too long. He raised you. He’s there, even if you can’t see it.” Shinsou pointed at your chest, just below your collarbone. “You deserve to be you, not whatever Yamada’s telling you to be.”
“For your information, my lord, I already am myself, and I can’t help that I’m a conglomeration of everyone I’ve ever met. To get to me, you need parts of Lord Yamada and Lord Aizawa, and Mina and Hagakure and Bakugou and Jirou and Midoriya and Todoroki and you and everyone else I’ve ever loved. I am a product of whom I’ve been around, whether you like that fact or not. And the person I am is new in this conglomeration. It’s never happened before, because no one has lived the life I’ve lived. I couldn’t be what Lord Yamada wants me to be if I tried. So, shut up about his influence on me. It’s normal. You’re letting your wartime biases drive you. I think you’re just mad because he took me from you, keeping me in the House of Yamada during the war—”
“These rats are taking a long time,” said Shinsou pointedly, brow furrowed, which you took to mean that the conversation was over.
“They are,” you said, biting your lip, “but they’ll be back soon enough.”
“How soon, do you think?” Shinsou glanced over his shoulder and back at you. “I have to go get something.”
“Now? It can’t wait?” You peeked into the rats’ crevice, which still lacked rats. “I can’t say. But when they return, I’ll be heading out to the battlefield to set up the ritual.”
Shinsou shot you a terse thumbs-up. “I’ll meet you down there, then.”
Not long after Shinsou skibbled off, the rats returned, each of your candles requiring two rats to carry. You thanked them and backtracked through the second and first circles of Irrishir Gard and back out of its gates. You tracked down the tree at whose base you’d buried your candles from the previous ritual and had just dug them up when Shinsou found you again, a cloth-wrapped bundle underneath his arm. He didn’t supply what was in it, and you wouldn’t grant him the satisfaction of your curiosity.
(Neither of you acknowledged the previous exchange about Yamada, both of you deliberately keeping the conversation light and situational.)
You pulled your scarf further up your face, teeth chattering. “I need an enclosed space with clear boundaries, but the wind’s blowing too harshly for a tent.”
“Can’t you reinforce the tent magically?”
You shook your head. “Shouldn’t be using magic this deep into the solstice.”
Both of you scanned your surroundings, snow falling more heavily now, building sporadic snow banks and filling the scant footprints you and Shinsou had trailed out to this spot, whistling wind slicing at your exposed flesh and growing to a howl. The scent of woodsmoke carried from the city, and the idea of smoke engulfing this place again made your stomach lurch.
“Remnants of a war camp nearby?”
“I don’t think so.”
Your eyes were watering. Shinsou’s cheeks and forehead were pink, windburnt and chapped.
“I hate to say it,” said Shinsou, picking at his lip, which had started to bleed in the cold, “but I think our best bet might be the tunnel.”
(The House of Aizawa, after three excruciating weeks of holding siege against the House of Yamada, lodged in Irrishir Gard, had finally managed to penetrate the city through digging a tunnel underneath a tower and subsequently collapsing the tunnel, thus crumbling the tower and its adjacent walls.)
“You’re probably right,” you said, gathering your candles in your arms, “Lead the way.”
The tunnel sufficed. Most of it was inaccessible, blocked by rubble, but the area at the front squeezed enough space. You tossed Shinsou the eternal coal to make a fire, and you starting pulling the materials to partially set up camp out of your bag. You hung a blanket over the mouth of the tunnel, just to protect you from full brunt of the snow, and because you shouldn’t cast any more magic tonight, you hung your magically-insulated patchwork cloak behind the blanket to block out more of the cold. You took a step backwards to feel for the wind, hands on your hips, and while it wasn’t foolproof, it helped.
“Aren’t we rather exposed? No magic, no cloak,” said Shinsou from his spot in the centre of the room, kneeling as he fed the eternal coal, “For all intents and purposes, you’re rather naked, your excellency.”
“Oh, shut up,” you said, crossing your arms over your boobs, in case your nipples were showing through your shirt, “You can’t be playing around for the rest of the ritual, all right? This is important.”
“I hear you.” A smile played at his lips (scabbed over now) once a flame flickered to life around the eternal coal.
“Set up for partial camp, all right? You don’t have to get out our bedrolls, but if you wanted to get out the scissors chairs and the kettle,” you said, picking up the first pair of old and new candles: ivory, smelling of star anise. “If you have any questions, you need to ask them now. Once the candles are lit, we can’t speak until dawn.”
Shinsou pushed on a broken wooden beam to stand and brushed dirt off his knees. “I think I should know what the ritual entails, then.”
You planted the white candles in the northernmost corner of the tunnel and crossed to the next. “It’s very simple. I put each pair of candles, one old and one new, in each corner, one for each of the cardinal directions, and we light the candles so that the old and new melt into each other.” You set the next pair, cinnamon-scented and scarlet, into the western corner. “Once all four are lit, we don’t speak. We stay up all night, thinking back on the fears and troubles of the past year and how we can overcome them in the next.” You stopped to inhale the purple candles’ clove aroma before setting them in their own corner. “We don’t cast any new magic during. At dawn, we blow out the candles, pack them away for next year. You’re supposed to bury them, but considering our situation, I’ll wait to bury them until we’re back home. After tidying things away, though it’s not required, I like to have breakfast while watching the sun climb higher.” You stooped to plant the final pair of candles, evergreen and pine-scented, in the southernmost corner.
“I see,” said Shinsou, unfolding his scissors chair to set it opposite yours across the fire, “Doesn’t sound particularly painful.”
You joined him at the centre of the small space and crouched next to the miniscule firepit he’d made, the eternal coal under a scant canopy of twigs at the centre of the minute but steadily growing fire. You picked up the coal tongs that he had laid atop a border stone and clicked them together twice. “I’m going to need the eternal coal to light the candles. Do you think the fire’s doing enough by itself for me to remove it?”
Shinsou twisted the knob on the leg of his scissors chair, locking them in place. “I would say so.”
“All right,” you said, reaching into the fire with the tongs, “My lord, I’m going to say the opening words while I light the candles, and you truly and honestly cannot talk after they’re lit.”
“You have so little faith in me,” said Shinsou, sitting on the edge of his chair to test his weight before sliding back to sit on it fully, scrunching the fabric of the cushion slightly.
“Prove me wrong,” you said, and you gingerly held the coal before you as you stood. You treaded over to the white candles, and before you held the coal to their wicks, you glanced over your shoulder back at Shinsou, sitting haphazardly in his scissors chair, one leg crossed over the other at the thigh, elbow leaning on an arm of the chair, cheek propped against his fist. Eyes half-lidded and on you. He nodded deeply, chin almost touching the collar of his coat.
You nodded back, faced the candles, and took a deep, deliberate breath, pressing the coal at the juncture where the two wicks intersected and reciting the same, strange words reserved for the solstice: “May the upcoming year be gentle. May we lie awake cradled by candlelight.” The wicks sparked to life, the fire itself white, and you proceeded from candle to candle. “May the past year’s magic nestle into the soil of the earth and bury itself for renewal, and may the new magic burst forth from its birth-crevices, shouted from starstone and solwood on this evergreen night, weaving itself into our realm while the rest of the worldtime clenches its fist around us. May the snow fall and the wind howl, and until they cease with dawnbreak, let us wait in silence.”
You lit the last pair, burning green fire, and spun around, smiling, a touch proud of yourself for not tripping with the eternal coal over the uneven ground.
Shinsou didn’t smile back. Instead, Shinsou had lifted his chin from his fist, still lingering upright, and, brow creased, he’d sat forward in his seat again, eyes wide and unblinking, mouth pulled so narrow that the firelight struck the lines of his cheekbones, making him look gaunter than usual—and totally immobilised, holding himself very, very still.
You tried to ask him what’s got him so alarmed with a questioning look, and he seemed to come back to himself, chest falling in an exhale, and he shook his head and sat back in his chair. But he must have changed his mind, because he moved to kneel on the ground before the fire again and began setting up the spit and trammel hook to hang the kettle over the fire.
You strode over to the firepit yourself and tossed the eternal coal back into it, sparks flying upward and fading away, and you plopped into your own scissors chair (the difference between yours and his was that you hadn’t spilled leather oil on its koi-patterned seat cushion), tapping your nails on its wooden arm, clicking with each nail.
You watched Shinsou throughout his whole teamaking process, eyes flitting between his hands and expressions, noting how he handles the equipment so differently from you. Gets the same taste, though. The quiet, precise prying open of tins, muted clinking of your cups as he held both in one palm, soft bubbling from the kettle over the hissing fire.
Once he passed your cup of tea to you, guilt stabbed into your stomach, because you’re supposed to be contemplating your fears over the past year, not observing your husband’s hands as he did something as mundane as make tea.
But hasn’t he been the primary source of your troubles over the past year—your husband? So, you’ve really been following procedure all along, really, especially when one considers what those hands have done to you: violence against your friends, sabotaged your army, curled their fingers inside of you—
You cleared your throat, blaming it on the scratchy feeling of smoke. Why are you thinking of that now? You’d done your best not to think of it at all.
You gripped both hands around your cup, trying to focus on the warmth seeping through its walls. In your tea was your amber reflection, and you watched remorse cross your face before you looked towards Shinsou.
You’ve been shoving it down because of the quest. It’s been easier. But this is bad. You’ve been getting used to his presence again, and it’s been so easy, so like he used to be, wrapped in a more self-assured, more irritating package, and you hate to admit it, but in some ways, it’s like your friendship hasn’t taken a sixteen-year break. So much of him is the him you knew, just reshaped. Or perhaps Shinsou had always been this annoying, and you hadn’t noticed before.
Still. Shinsou clearly kept his guard up around you, so you should do the same.
No, that’s—that’s the right thing to do. If anyone other than you got a good look at him, being scared to death of him would be the logical response: an intimidating wraith of a man, at first glance too pale and wiry and angular, barely good for anything but haunting, hardly worth taking a second look, but if you really stopped to look him over, you’d realise how terrifying it is that he can give the air of someone too lanky and lithe to be much more than what he used to be, a slip of a boy, dark and nimble and hardly different from his own shadow, and yet he can hide the hard evidence of a harrowing life written on his body, one that’s required him to build lean muscle and immense stamina and subtle grace, to bear the scars of too many wounds, and to sit across from you in that infuriating stance with his legs crossed at the ankle, fingers steepled in his stupid little half-gloves, while his violet eyes bored into you.
What an idiot. It’s as if he only exists to vex you—or to be eaten alive.
You took a sip of your tea. The tunnel’s cavern flickered with the warm light of the fire, tinged with the green, white, red, and purple flames from the candles, each emitting floating embers. You blinked, eyes running dry from the heat.
Though he’s supposed to be thinking back on his fears over the past year, Shinsou retrieved from his bag the copy of Sir Anselm and þe Lemman Sweete of Ȝister-evin. The irreverent bastard flipped to his spot near the end of the book, and you wondered if he’d be interested in the next instalment in Sir Anselm’s adventures, which Hagakure had also given you.
All the way to the bottom of your cup, you wondered what sort of things he liked to read nowadays, revisiting memories of sneaking into the castle library together to read books of adventures and heists and secret societies, along with the banned books on the fae disappearance almost a century ago, reading together and sharing stories even when he was sick abed.
Frankly, Shinsou looked a bit sick right now. He was flushed bright fucking red and sweating, drops dripping down his forehead, and you followed his blank line of sight not onto the pages of his book but just a little higher, across the fire to your—you were about to be insulted at his staring at your chest, but you realised he’d zoned out, with his line of sight focused just above your boobs, right under your collarbone.
You cleared your throat again, this time loudly, and Shinsou shook himself, locking eyes for a panicked second, thumbing his place in the book while averting his gaze, and he whipped off his hat, hairline sweat-soaked, while he stared at your flapping cloak and blanket over the mouth of the tunnel.
He ran his hand back through his hair, sticking up at odd angles due to sweat. Running his tongue over his lower lip, he glanced at you and at his place in the book before shutting it and setting it on the stone border of the firepit. Shinsou stood, took the few steps to the entrance, and peeked out from behind the blanket, letting in a strident shriek of winter wind.
He let the blanket fall, took a curt breath to steel himself, and he unbuttoned the first few buttons on his cotehardie.
You jolted in your seat, wooden chair legs creaking and sliding backwards in the dirt.
Head snapping towards you, Shinsou held up a hand, biting his lower lip and then deliberately swiping sweat off of his forehead and flicking it off of his hand, holding your gaze.
You gave him a nervous shrug and made yourself sit back in your chair, suddenly very interested in your empty cup.
Shinsou continued to unbutton his cotehardie, sliding it off his shoulders, and he folded it and draped it over his rucksack. Staring quiet purposely at the ground, he bounced on the balls of his feet for a few moments, and he sucked in through his teeth, shaking his head before unbuttoning his tunic.
You shrank down in your seat. Isn’t there only one more layer after this? Well, two, since Shinsou wears one of those—yeah, yikes, he’s only got on his waistcoat and long-sleeved undershirt now, and yes, you’ve seen it before, but it’s been a while, and it’s different now.
Wait, hold on. Why was it different? You tried to pin that down while Shinsou collapsed in his chair again and resumed reading, sweat dripping down his neck, and you eventually managed to decide that it was because before, he’d just been some whorish enemy spymaster, appearing in whatever state of dress he liked because he chose what rules applied to him, and now that you’ve been travelling together for a while, he’s been maintaining a level of formality with you, generally not letting you see him in a state of dressing-down. Yeah.
You reached for the kettle. Your throat was dry again, and this time you couldn’t blame it on the smoke.
But you nearly spilled the boiling water as you poured, because Shinsou abruptly scoffed and ripped off his stupid half-gloves, and he held them between his teeth as he hastily unfastened the leaf-shaped clasps on his waistcoat, throwing it to his rucksack when he’d stripped it off.
Slowly, silently, like a prey animal in forest undergrowth, you returned to your seat, because whatever was wrong with him was fascinating.
Shinsou rolled up his billowing sleeves to his elbow and pulled a garter snugly around his bicep to keep the sleeves up, and he did the same with his other arm—letting the fabric of his left sleeve still cover the crook of his elbow, while the right was pushed farther up, revealing almost his full right bicep. Narrowing your eyes, you were wondering if that meant anything when Shinsou heaved a huge sigh and slouched in his seat, stretching his newly exposed arms upwards—and when he moved to fold them behind his head (fabric stretched tight across his chest as he arched his back very slightly), his bicep flexed enough that the garter on his right arm snapped and flung itself to a far corner of the tunnel.
Shinsou blinked, frozen in place, before looking at you, and he shot you a surprised but self-satisfied grin.
You gave him a smile in return, accompanied with an eyeroll, and you did your best to calm the fuck down; that’s Shinsou you’re fucking looking at, the man who—
You barely had time to spiral, because Shinsou gave up searching for his armband in the rubble and continued reading, sprawling his legs out in front of him while he turned pages, absent-mindedly scratching his stomach and letting the hem of his linen undershirt creep upwards, revealing his rather solid-looking abdomen and the pale scar running alongside the cut of his sharp v-line.
You’re not sure that staring intently at his tight-fitting trousers, narrowly tapering waist, pulsing veins on the back of his hands, or rings on his long, spindly fingers counts, exactly, as concentrating on your fears, but they’re certainly arousing some of emotion within you that could be described as fear, from a certain perspective.
(An irksome memory floats to the front of your mind: Hagakure, Asui, Uraraka, and Ashido carding wool with you one afternoon when you were freshly thirteen, with the rest of them doing much more talking than you were on the given subject: the boys in your cohort and whether any of them were marriage material.
You’d remained very, very quiet once they’d brought up Shinsou, because wasn’t he your friend? [Your crush?] It had felt a prickling sort of odd that others had noticed things about him that you hadn’t, physical traits about him that they found attractive, and you hadn’t been sure you would want to think of him that way. Felt rude, to disregard his personality for his body. And so, his physical self has never been at the forefront when you’ve thought of him.
But you were looking now.)
The candles burned, sweet-scented and heady, and outside, the wind and snow raged.
You finished your second cup of tea, clutching it between your palms for the lingering warmth. Though sweat still trailed down Shinsou’s neck, you shivered every now and then.
It had been midnight for what seemed like a lifetime by the time Shinsou reached the end of the book. He clapped it shut, and he bent over the arm of his chair to grab the cloth-wrapped bundle he’d left you in Irrishir Gard for.
Standing, Shinsou stretched, arching his back until it popped, and he circled around the fire to plop himself down in front of you, on one of the stones around the firepit. He untied the twine around the bundle, and the cloth pooled in his lap around some seasonal fruit.
Baffled, you watched him peel an orange, ripping away its excess pith. He hand the peeled orange to you to hold with both hands, and he cupped your hands himself, digging his thumbs into the centre of the orange to part it in half. He took one of the halves from you and tore two sections of it, one of which he held between his teeth, and the other he pressed to your own mouth. When you cautiously took it inside and started to chew, he did the same. Once he swallowed, he gestured towards the rest of the orange, encouraging you to have more.
In the meantime, he took one of the smaller knives and cut into a pear, twisting it in his grip and peeling it in one, continuous slice. It took until he pressed a slice of it to your lips this time for it to hit you, that oh, he, he’d been listening to what you’d been saying earlier, about the day when Master Cook had broken your hand, that you’d gotten hurt because you’d been stealing these very fruits from the kitchens, because you’d wanted to do something nice for him, and he wanted to do something nice for you now, as if he’s saying that your past fears about Kurono don’t have to affect you any more—
You’re crying a bit. Doesn’t matter, though. The crisp flesh of the pear crunched between your teeth, mixing with the second slice of gossamer orange you’ve messily shoved in your mouth.
You hurriedly tear a slice of orange from the half you still have to offer it to him, and Shinsou, eyelashes dark as he looks up at you, leant forward and parted his lips, delicately taking it between his teeth. He pushed it with his tongue into his cheek, and before you can withdraw your shaking hand, Shinsou ducked forward to kiss your orange-glossy fingertips—well, kiss is a loose description; his lips had still been parted in a partial jaw movement when they’d touched you, and he’d taken more of your fingers into his mouth than he must’ve planned: the pad of your fingers grazed the wet-warm insides of his lips, and in the split-second your eyes met, his fell half-lidded, and he sucked.
You averted your gaze and tried to rip your hand away, but he caught it between his own, holding yours palm up. When you dared a glimpse back at him, Shinsou was tilting his head, practically glowing in the firelight, eyes narrowed as they, along with his fingers, traced the silver scars along your palm.
You can see it coming: Shinsou clasped the back of your hand and slowly brought it to his mouth as he stared you down—but in the movement, your sleeve falls down your forearm, drawing his attention before he can press his lips against your skin. Instead, his eyes dragged down to your wrist, where the binding magic’s band has thickened, sprouting curling, vine-like tendrils in silver against your skin.
Shinsou let out a silent laugh against your palm, and his breath was cold.
Midoriya's route of soulmate trope. Part two here.
“this doesn’t match the manga’s canonical ending!”
correct. and isn’t that sexy? please read this route last, as it contains spoilers for all other routes.
warnings: female reader. manga spoilers up to 411ish. angst. sexual content. moderate injury (not reader). indulgently meta on behalf of the author.
a note: some meta elements in this route may lead you to think it’s the true route for this fic. not necessarily. the true route is whichever one is your favourite :)
~57k overall. ~39.5k for part one.
“Aizawa-sensei, you’re good at sleeping.”
Aizawa rubbed his good eye with the heel of his palm, propping his forearm on his doorframe to support his weight. “It’s certainly what I’d like to get back to doing,” he said through a yawn.
“No, please, I—may I come in? This is kind of important.” You glanced over your shoulder towards Eri’s and Tenko’s dorms down the hall, both without light emanating from underneath the doorways.
“Kind of?” The sleeve of his dark t-shirt strained as his bicep tensed and relaxed when he let his arm fall to his side again. “You woke me up for kind of important?”
Sucking in through your teeth, you said, “I lied. It’s really important. Possibly the most important thing to happen to me since the war. And you’re the one most likely to be able to help.”
Aizawa glared at you, narrowing his good eye and shifting his jaw. But he stepped aside to let you pass, gesturing towards his kitchen table. “Why am I not surprised?”
***
You jolted awake, and you were wet.
Damp, really. Dew-heavy strands of grass crawled up to brush your sides, catching the morning chill, and hey, why were you sleeping outside?
Rubbing sleep out of your eyes, you pushed yourself upright and took in some sort of clearing with little vegetation besides yellowed weeds and shrubs stretching out to a dense treeline. The sun hadn’t appeared to have been in the sky long, but you’ve been here for a while based on how soaked through your clothes were these weren’t your clothes.
What were you wearing? Had someone bothered to dress you on top of dragging you out of reach of civilisation? Moreover, were they—you held your breath, taking in the weird half-gloves that had an intricate, painted floral pattern—some stranger LARPer?
Gracious, they’d put you in a corset, and you’d slept in it. Well—you felt along your spine for the ties—at least they’d loosened it for you? Huh. Layered with some kimono-style top that actually looked like it could’ve belonged to you, but the trousers and boots were unrecognisable.
But everything fit you, and fit you well. This wasn’t a spur-of-the-moment heist; this had been thought out, definitely by some deranged role-player. Even down to the props inside a battered pack nearby (starting with knitted socks, two other kimono tops, and a traditional tea set), this had been planned.
Shoving the socks back inside the pack, you scanned the clearing again in hopes of catching a camera lens, but all you could make out was the morning breeze’s light rustling of leaves and grass.
You nearly jumped out of your skin at shuffling and a quiet grunt: a taller sweep of dying grass had blocked you from discerning another person sleeping near you. With caution, you—
A groan came from their direction as they flipped over to stretch, along with the bitter murmuring of “That didn’t feel like more than three hours.”
Pushing the taller grass out of the way, you grinned in relief, scrambling over to Shinsou as his bleary, dark-circled eyes blinked up at you. “Hey, Shinsou,” you said, “Do you know what’s going on?”
He folded his arm behind his head, his mouth crooking up in a weary smile. He had on some strange, LARPer get-up, too: archer’s gloves, a faded armguard running up the inside of his forearm, some fucking medieval whore outfit that accentuated his waist (but your LARPer kidnapper, at least, gave Shinsou the courtesy of making it somewhat resemble his hero costume). “Still disoriented? Yeah, I think we shouldn’t’ve rushed the Gauntlet yesterday. I don’t think any of us even got out our bedrolls. Still, we don’t have to do it again.”
Huh?
“Are you asking where Touya and Monoma are?” Shinsou pushed up enough to lean back on his elbows, and he tilted his head back, eyes fluttering shut. “You were the one who assigned them breakfast, remember? They’re probably scoping out that brook fifteen minutes back.”
A deep-set dread sank into you like an anchor into too-shallow swamp water. Shinsou was acting like this was normal, like there was a routine, and you were the one out of the loop. Where were you? What were you doing here? Were you—and the thought made your throat run dry—the only one out of place?
You may not know what’s going on, but the thing to do now is collect information. For that, you have to act like everything’s fine. “Yeah, you’re right,” you said, examining the flock of birds in flight embroidered onto your kimono top, “I’m a bit out of it, I suppose, from not sleeping long enough. You said three hours? Feels like we were asleep twenty minutes.”
(Shinsou had used minute as a unit of time, so you could use it. Good to know something was the same as back home.)
“Too bad we’ve got to get going after breakfast,” said Shinsou, sighing as he sat up fully and running a hand back through his hair, which sprung back upright despite his flattening it, “We should start a fire before the others get back, just to speed up the process.”
You fumbled your way through starting a fire, but the two of you got one going. Shinsou rooted around in one of the rucksacks you hadn’t noticed earlier, next to a pair of crunched silhouettes in the grass, untouched by morning dew, to retrieve Monoma’s cast iron rotisserie spit, fish-shaped trammel hook, and tin percolator, along with two of the mismatched enamel mugs bought back in Renfield…
Your eyes glazed over as Shinsou dug the two ends of the iron spit on either side of the fire. How do you know that? Why is your brain supplying words for things you don’t recognise? But you had this information, regardless, and something in your gut told you that it was accurate.
You could picture the Renfield shopkeeper who sold the mugs to you.
“Will you wipe those down, please?” Shinsou set the mugs into your lap and opened his own pack for the coffee, which you’d known he’d stored there, in that outermost pocket, because he was encouraging it to get crushed.
With a cloth stored with your tea set, you cleaned both mugs slowly, wiping the black insides before the blue and cream-coloured outsides.
The brewing coffee smelled just like Shinsou’s flat back home.
“Pass me a cup?” Shinsou asked, eyes on the flame while he held out his hand.
The cream-coloured one was yours. Your gut said so. You placed the blue mug into Shinsou’s palm. He hardly glanced at it, but he shot you some sort of look you couldn’t understand.
You were drinking your unsatisfying, campfire coffee when Monoma and Touya showed up, laden with four, silver fish and a duck, for some reason, under Touya’s arm like a football. And oh, Monoma was Monoma, clear as day by his loud, barking yet melodic voice, but you hadn’t expected this Touya to be fucking Dabi.
(Sure, you tried to calm yourself down, taking another large gulp of coffee as they both settled down around the fire next to you, overly familiar and making too much noise this early in the morning.
Back home, Todoroki Touya had been living with his family, heavily reformed [?] and in therapies, both for his brain and his body. Beyond a curt introduction at a formal event, you hadn’t personally interacted with Touya outside of the battlefield, years ago. So, why is he with you now?
Moreover, why are you with this particular combination of people in the first place?)
“Hold him,” said Touya, plopping the duck into your lap, where it loafed like a cat, and he unhooked the first fish from the line to toss it to Shinsou, who was ready with a clean knife.
You averted your gaze from the gutting, knowing in your heart of hearts that you’ll have to eat that without looking disgusted. Sighing, you patted the duck on its head and stared down at it, reaching for its name through whatever memories you somehow had, and it settled its neck into the crook of your folded leg, making a contented noise that was not quite a quack.
Don’t tell me, you thought, lifting your hand from its back, This duck is someone I know, transformed into a duck.
***
“Enough about the duck,” said Aizawa, clanging his Put Your Hands Up Radio mug onto his kitchen table.
“The duck is important,” you said, holding your excellent, non-campfire coffee close enough that the steam billowed into your face, “I love the duck. His name is Granddaddy Slapkins.”
Aizawa clapped his hand to his forehead. “Is he anyone we know?”
“No, he’s just a duck. But he’s as much a part of the party as anyone else,” you said, as Aizawa’s cat, Konpeito, leapt onto the table and rubbed the upper curve of her tail on your face. “Oh, I love you, too, baby,” you said to her, free hand sinking into her thick fur, “I know you’re real.”
Aizawa dragged his hand down his face. “So, to confirm, you don’t believe the events you just described are real.”
“That’s the thing: I don’t know. At first, I thought it was just a silly, fantasy-themed dream with some people I know in real life. But it got stranger,” you said, scratching just before the base of Konpeito’s tail, arching her back in a stretch, “It wasn’t a one-off dream. I kept going back, to the exact spot where I left off. No inconsistencies or plot-holes, like dreams usually do. I go to sleep here, and I wake up in this fantasyland. I go to sleep there, and I wake up here.”
Aizawa squinted to ascertain how much time was left on the oven for the muffins. “Are you getting any rest from this, if your consciousness is active throughout it all?”
“I am,” you said, considering the fact for the first time, “Should I not be? Now that you say it, it seems obvious that I should be exhausted all of the time.”
“If you were exhausted, I’d be more inclined to think that these weren’t just dreams.” Aizawa tapped his fingers on the table, trying to attract Konpeito. “The fact that you aren’t grounds you in this reality. It rules out something as far-fetched as—as living in different universes or timelines.”
You laughed through your nose. “Come off of it, Aizawa-sensei. Not very logical of you to entertain ideas that impossible.”
Rising as the oven timer beeped, Aizawa blinked slowly at you, mouth curving into an oddly soft smile. “I tend to consider the impossible, when it comes to you.”
“I’m glad you have such faith in my total incompetence,” you said, holding your mug at arm’s length to prevent Konpeito from lapping at your coffee, (though she was trying to climb onto your arm to get it), “So! The second time it happened, I was weirded out but chalked it up to coincidence. The third time, I tried to figure out if anyone were from here and now, like me.”
***
“Shinsou,” you said, hanging back on the winding, mountain path while Monoma and Touya trudged ahead, “I’ve been thinking. Do you think we could source some milk at the next town? I’ve been craving a cappuccino.”
Shinsou tightened a rucksack strap over his shoulder, hiking it farther up his back. “A what?”
“Oh, a cappuccino? Cappuccinos? I thought we talked about them before. Just for, y’know, adding some variety to our routine.” You tripped over an exposed root but caught yourself. “If that isn’t a good option, we could skip milk and just try to brew espresso instead. If that’s okay.”
Shinsou pointedly stepped over the root. “Forgive me for not remembering. Remind me what exactly those are?”
“Oh, uh.” How anachronistic would it be if you explained what they really were? “Energising. Spells. Energy spells that require milk, y’know, as an organic component.”
“Ah. That would be why we haven’t used them yet,” said Shinsou, nodding, “since milk doesn’t keep long when we’re on the road. Perhaps when we have a consistent source, we can try them out.”
***
Aizawa swallowed his bite of muffin. “Well. It’s not the Shinsou we know, for certain.”
“Yeah. It makes me feel like I’m in the twilight zone, that I can look at my best friend and know things we’ve done together that he has no recollection of,” you said, steering Konpeito away from a loose chocolate chip, “And Monoma didn’t recognise the plot of Lord of the Rings when I started to tell it over the campfire one night, and Touya didn’t say anything when I Naruto-ran—”
“Those aren’t foolproof.”
“But the Shinsou one is.”
“Hm,” said Aizawa, mouth full, and he fiddled with the band on his night eyepatch. “And they’re the only people you’d seen.”
“Up to that point. We’d been travelling to this town, Alderside—beautiful place, really, nestled along this ghastly mountain range with bad roads, fabulous spring festival—”
“Why did Shinsou accept that a cappuccino was a spell? Is he an idiot?”
“Oh, uh. That would be because there’s magic there. Spells are normal,” you said, biting into your muffin.
Aizawa shook his head, glaring into his coffee. “If you ever tell anyone else this story—which I advise that you don’t—give that information earlier. It sets the tone for how ridiculous this is.”
“Yeah, I—sorry about that,” you said, scratching the underside of your chin, “Forgot. Magic has become so normal to me, in that context, that I forgot that it’s not implied.”
“Do you do magic?” Aizawa sat back in his chair. “Are there quirks?”
“Yes and no, and then to an extent.” You moved your muffin out of Konpeito’s way. “To the best of my knowledge, no one has a quirk exactly like we have here, but I’ve found that people’s magic usually mirrors their real quirks somehow. Monoma’s an illusionist—uses magic to make copies of himself or whomever we’re fighting, and if he’s made that particular copy a lot, then that copy can use their magic. Touya’s magic is this sort of freezing fire; I don’t really get how it works, but it means we can’t rely on him to cook by himself.”
“All right. Is the magic something you’re born with, then, similar to a quirk?”
“It’s hard to say, Aizawa-sensei; sometimes I think I have it figured out, but life’ll throw me a wrench. You can study different types of magic, sure—for example, Shinsou’s studying necromancy right now. But I think everyone has a natural talent for a certain type of magic, and you have to try a lot of different kinds to figure it out. So, effectively, there are quirkless-slash-magicless people, because it’s a hassle to find out what you’re skilled at out of thousands of types of incredibly specific magic.”
“I’m assuming what magic you’ve learnt is highly specific and useless?”
“Oh, rude! That is rude, and mean, and accurate! Shut up,” you said, grumbling into your muffin before taking an angry bite out of it and rushing to swallow with a dry throat. “But the main thing is that I didn’t learn this stuff. I already knew it when I got there. I have a whole different life I’ve apparently lived.”
***
Over a week’s worth of living in this unfamiliar world while you slept had you feeling uneasy and isolated. Moreover, you missed being able to fully trust your best friend. While washing your filthy socks by a riverbank, you made up your mind to confess to this Shinsou that you lived in a place called Japan and were at a loss for why you were here now.
You returned to camp, wrenching the water out of everyone’s socks before hooking them to a shitty clothesline near the fire. Monoma, half-asleep, was turning the spit over the fire, while Touya was distracting Granddaddy Slapkins with oats while he tried to repair a hole in his boot (Touya was trying to repair a hole in his own, human-sized boot, not that he was trying to fix a duck-sized boot—obviously). Shinsou was scanning necromantic glyphs from a handwritten book, but his eyes kept drifting closed too often to be absorbing information.
“Hey, Shinsou,” you said, gathering everyone’s sweat-stained undershirts, “Come with me to the river? I know it’s my turn to do laundry, so you don’t have to do anything, but I think I just may fall in if I don’t have anyone to talk to.”
Taking a few moments to register your words, Shinsou blinked blearily up at you, and, snapping himself out of it, he slammed his book shut. “Yes,” he said in a stilted voice, and he cleared his throat. “Yeah, let me come with you.”
Weaving through the trees behind you, Shinsou carried his shirt and Monoma’s down to the river, claiming that he should have to deal with his own sweat, and if you did all four by yourself, you wouldn’t get back to camp before the Night Wyrms started wandering (the what? You pulled your cloak closer).
You knelt on the rocks, set the soap and scraping knives between you, and started wetting your undershirt’s sleeve (yours was a slightly thicker fabric than Touya’s, so yours would take longer to dry. Better do it first—and again, this routine already was imprinted in your brain, like it was instinctual).
“Hi,” you said eventually.
“Hello,” said Shinsou, hunched closer to the ground than you were so that he could squint through the water while he rubbed at a bloodstain on Monoma’s shirt. “Come here often?”
“Can you keep a secret?”
“Historically, yes, but if it’s funny, I’m afraid I’ll have to tell everyone. What’s on your mind?”
You opened your mouth, closed it, and bit the inside of your cheek, grimacing. How do you say this? Since this world has magic, it’d be easier to take, but—
He flicked water off of his fingers. “Does this have anything to do with how bizarre you’ve been for the past two weeks?”
“Wha—whoa, what? Shinsou, what do you mean?”
“That,” he said, nodding, “First of all, you haven’t called me Shinsou this consistently since we were ten. Call me Hitoshi right now.”
“Wha—? Hitoshi,” you said, thrown off.
“Good. You’ve been scaring me.” Shinsou finally scraped a tough splotch of blood away, and it flecked and disappeared into the water. “Now, what’s wrong? Did running the Gauntlet that quickly make you develop amnesia? Do you have a conditional curse on you that you can’t tell everyone?”
“Wow. You are the same in every universe.” Grabbing the soap, you scrubbed at the sweat stain on a kimono sleeve. “Overattentive to the point where it’s helpful. How irritating.”
“Hm,” he said, rubbing his knife underwater, “So. You’re not the woman I grew up with.”
“Not exactly.”
“What’s going on? She still in there?”
“Yes. I’m also her, but not,” you said, glowering at the flaky soap, “Everything you experienced with her is still here. I know all of that. I've lived all of that. It’s as if I have overlapping lives right now, because I have those memories and memories of what I consider my real life—and I know a version of you there.”
“Is he as pretty as me? Bet not,” said Shinsou.
“Well, he has access to mousse, so his hair’s a bit better, but I think you’re winning in terms of ruggedness. Living outside, and all.” You pursed your lips. “But no, I’ve started coming here when I go to sleep there. To me, this is a dream.”
Shinsou paused. “I’m glad you like it here?”
“Okay, you daft dimbo, you know what I meant. A sleep-dream, ongoing, and when I go to sleep here, I wake up back in reality. My reality, I guess.”
“No wonder you haven’t had a lot of stamina lately. You know we’ve had to slow our pace down, right?”
“I don’t go hiking; Bakugou took me once and yelled at me, so I don’t wanna do that anymore.” You tilted your head. “Do you know Bakugou?”
“Another friend from your reality?”
“Yes. I wonder if he’s somewhere here, too? I know Monoma and Touya, too. What was I—” You cut yourself off and sighed. “I know everything that’s happened to me in this life is in my brain, but it’s slow-surfacing. Usually, something has to jog my memory a bit before I remember something fully. So, we did grow up together?”
Shinsou nodded. “Same castle town. Both in families serving the king.”
“Really?” Cute. Memories of running together around cobblestone streets and murky hallways surfaced. “Same job, or?”
“I happen to come from a long line of—” He coughed. “—torturers and executioners, and you were the first in your family to pursue poetry.”
Your fist curled around the soap. “I’m sorry; I must have hallucinated. What?”
“You didn’t want to be a jester, like the rest of your family, so you studied to be a bard—”
“Please tell me you are lying to me,” you said, grabbing Shinsou by his kinky, medieval collar and yanking him towards you, “Please say that you are getting back at me for spilling coffee on your bedroll.”
Shinsou blinked, once, twice, and then a wide, toothy grin stretched across his face.
Releasing him with a groan, you pouted and scrubbed at a stain while the memories came flooding back. You had been studying to get out of foolery, and being a bard had been the most enjoyable way out. “We were friends, and we had life plans. I happen to notice that I don’t carry an instrument with me. Am I not a bard?”
“You quit once we figured out what type of magic you’re skilled in. Around the same time King Todoroki banished you from the castle for unsavoury verse.”
Swallowing that salami slice of crazy information, you asked the question that was easiest to talk about, now that memories were coming back: “Todoroki Enji? The king?”
“Correct. But don’t feel bad about being banished; you get bad luck just by being near the man. His own marriage is in name only, and one of his kids is missing—”
“Only one?”
“Technically two, but we know where Touya is. Prince Shouto’s whereabouts are unknown. But more pressing is that you don’t appear to remember your magic?” Shinsou scratched the back of his neck. “We’re gonna hit Alderside soon, and the reason they summoned us is your technique.”
“Explain it to me,” you said, spreading your wet undershirt across a dry rock, deciding it was clean enough, and you checked the sky. “Do we have time before night falls?”
You’d apparently studied and become very skilled at two types of magic (which was a low number of magic disciplines; most people studied around three to five types but never become great at them). The first type explained some of your luggage: it was a support technique involving a shortened tea ceremony. While the rest were in a physical battle, you trapped everyone within a certain area, the breadth of which depended on what type of tealeaves you used. From glyphs painted from the dregs of the last ceremony, tea sprigs would sprout out of your forearms. You’d harvest and process them, with magic speeding the process all the way to serving and drinking. Everyone within the boundary was compelled to physically stay within it until the end of the tea ceremony, and occasionally, though you had no control over whom this affected, a fighter would be compelled to sit and complete the ceremony with you. Their drinking the tea would weaken them, usually in endurance, but not by much. Your previous memories informed you that you had been working on brewing teas that had greater magical effects.
“You really only need your whisk; you’ve just been carrying around that teaware for misdirection, and everything else is conjured from the glyphs on your arms,” Shinsou was telling you on the way back, burdened with wet-wrung shirts, “So, you’re not directly fighting, but you’re valuable support.”
“So, why does a whole town need a tea ceremony?”
“Oh, they don’t want you for that one.” Shinsou held back a branch for you to pass into camp. “They want you because you’re a soulwalker.”
The rest of the journey to the town of Alderside, Shinsou didn’t explain. Said you’ve never talked about how it works because you didn’t know. Soulwalking was rare. Soul magic was one of the extremely few types of magic that couldn’t be studied: you could either do it, or you couldn’t, and almost everyone couldn’t. You’d never met anyone else who could.
It’s why the group of you get jobs across the country: something will go awry in the mirroring spirit realm, and you’d leave your body behind for your party to protect, while you—your soul—wandered through the spirit realm.
Monoma showed you the letter that you’d gotten by hawk from the mayor: Alderside periodically was engulfed by a purple fog. Every night and occasionally during the day, it acted as a totally blinding smokescreen that could teleport someone around town and the surrounding cliffs. They wanted you to come investigate so that they could travel at night again, before someone could be teleported off the mountain entirely to fall to their death.
Something that Shinsou had neglected to tell you was that you had a reputation. When your party rounded the last bend of the mountain before Alderside, you were greeted with a loud, excited clamour from a gathering of five, the leader of which embraced you on sight and exclaimed into your ear that she was pleased as punch that the Dango Lady was finally here.
Otherwise trapped in the hug, your head whipped towards Shinsou, who, after a moment, gathered himself and nodded. “Thank you,” you said into her pastel pink hair, stiffly raising your arms to return the hug and wondering why you’d been content with calling your professional persona the Dango Lady, “I hope we can meet your expectations and solve your problem.”
She pulled back, hands sliding down to grip your forearms (Were all citizens in this town this touchy, or was it just her? Based on the similar way your friends were being greeted, perhaps physical touch was integral to this area’s culture). “Hi,” she said, her cloud-fluff earrings bobbing as she spoke, “I’m the one who summoned you; I’m Fuwa Mawata, the mayor of Alderside. You’ve come just in time to salvage our spring festival in two days. If this smokescreen persists, we may not be able to have it, and this festival hasn’t been cancelled in over two hundred years now.”
Giving your wrists a squeeze, Fuwa dropped your arms with a gentle smile, and she glanced over the rest of your group, taking a step towards Monoma. “I’m afraid I don’t have any more details other than what I’ve said in the letter,” she said towards you, standing on her tiptoes to rest her chin on Monoma’s shoulder while she hugged him, “But I can guarantee that you’ll have a safe spot to perform your ritual, and we’ve set aside the best rooms in our inn for you.” She released Monoma (looking rather alarmed) and moved onto Touya, unable to push her away because of his tight grip on Granddaddy Slapkins’s carrier. “Whatever supplies you need, we will do our best to provide. Perhaps you’d like to drop off your belongings at the inn and then visit our magic shops?”
“That sounds faaaaaaaantastic,” said Monoma, tightening the straps on his pack for the third time that day (it was his turn to carry most of the cast-iron cookware again), “Thanks for your hospitality. Dare I—may I ask what the bathing situation is at your inn?”
“You may,” Fuwa replied, and there’s something in the way that Shinsou’s entire body froze when Fuwa wrapped her arms around his neck (she’d kept them around the torso for the rest of you), how his eyebrows shot up towards his hairline above wide, panicked eyes, and how he didn’t even try to return the embrace, arms rigid and hesitant—something that made you realise you’ve seen her before, but you didn’t know where.
(Later, when you were awake, you’d find her instagram. She’d been in the year above you at U.A., and, thinking back, she’d had a crush on Shinsou. When she’d graduated, she’d even asked him for his second button, and when he’d evaded by pointing out he wasn’t wearing the school cardigan that day, she gave Shinsou her button.)
Fuwa and the rest of the committee escorted your party through Alderside. Your first impression of it was that it was bright. Half of the town’s buildings were carved directly into the mountain, the natural rockface reflecting the sun with a harsh glare, and the rest were neatly whitewashed and embedded with shining stones that formed a mosaic, each one depicting a different scene from the town’s history, broken up only by stained glass windows, glinting and glittering with any shred of sunlight they could grasp, and stained-glass windchimes dangled from roofs and archways, clinking in the crisp, morning breeze. Your boots even clinked a bit on the streets, since they, too, were crafted with reflective stones in a mosaic, this one meant to resemble a river.
“I apologise about the level of noise,” said Fuwa, holding open the door to the inn herself, “We’re still preparing for the spring festival regardless, so we’re more hectic than usual.”
“Noise is good,” Touya said, “It’s when it’s quiet that you’ve got to be on guard. My friend won’t be a problem, right?” He shifted Granddaddy Slapkins underneath his arm.
You’ve never been more grateful to have a separate room from Touya. Shinsou conked out on his bed in your shared room the minute you’d set your bags down, and Touya, despite trying to nurse a mug of apple cider, was drifting off in his chair.
Monoma folded his cards on the table when Touya’s forehead finally rested on it. “Well, I don’t think I’m going to win this hand,” Monoma said, gathering his cards and Touya’s, “Now that we’ve eaten, I am more than aware of how disgusting we are. Fuwa had better not have been lying about their hot water.”
“Tell you what,” you said, sliding your cards over to him, “Why don’t we both bathe and head out to their market? We can resupply while these two are sleeping. Plus, we can garner what the general public’s thoughts on this smokescreen are.”
Forty-five minutes later (Monoma took long showers), you were going from shop to stall, weaving your way through the townspeople preparing the festival, having to duck out of their way when they turned corner bearing what you thought was an excessive amount of firewood, all carved with colour-coded runes, along with planks for temporary game stalls and what looked like a maypole but a person carrying it was quick to tell you was called a spring-stick.
Since you were going to soulwalk that night, you went ahead to the magic shops while Monoma fossicked around for the usual travelling supplies to cut the outing in half. After going over the list with him again (“Socks, especially, Monoma. Everyone in our group always goes through so many socks.” “One of these days, we should all learn how to knit.”), you headed downtown and he uptown.
Alderside’s four magic shops were all carved into the mountainside together; the only reason they weren’t one, big store was because the owners wanted to have clear boundaries between inventory type. You opened the door, bell clanging, to the enchantment quarter.
(Enchantments were the most powerful category of magic, more potent than other disciplines like sorcery, witchcraft, and warlockry. Soul magic was a type of enchantment, and so was your tea ceremony, though that was balanced with one of the lowest types of magic, herblore.)
You felt a little pretentious walking into the enchantment quarter, where magic users who clearly knew what they were doing were sifting through the racks—although there was ostentatiously just a magician in here; shouldn’t he be where the sound-based merchandise is—because you still felt like you were just some normal person, from a world of quirks and heroes instead of magic.
When Monoma eventually came meandering in, chewing on some locally made, closest-thing-to-gummy, peach candy, you could’ve sworn he was the Monoma you knew awake. He didn’t even manage to get across the shop floor to you before he stopped to riffle through a ribbon-bound book and frowning at the first illustration. He bent his head to the side to get a better look, jaw chomping down, before shaking his head and heading towards you.
Monoma made a big show of sliding up next to you at the botanical display, and he popped the collar of his shirt, not noticing how it immediately folded again. “Golly gee, miss,” he said, affecting some accent that was definitely not local and exacerbated further by the peach gummy in his cheek, “I reckon I’ve never seen you around these parts. I’d be delighted to show you around this here festival, if you let a varmint like me even grovel to be in your presence.” Monoma lifted the tiny bag of peach candy from his coat pocket to offer you some.
“Thanks, Monoma,” you said, taking one and popping it into your mouth, “How’d your end of the trip go?”
“Very well. No obstacles,” he said, dropping the silly voice and onto his elbows as he leant against the display table, propping his chin on both of his fists, “Got the non-perishables easily, and of course I was able to haggle the price down for the supplies we buy in bulk. I was able to get two extra pairs of socks thrown in, but we’ll have to fight for who gets them.”
You traced the brittle branch of a potted, staked vine, labelled as Cat’s Clover, but as it bore no leaves, you couldn’t discern why. “Fine by me.”
“I was also barraged by a curator at their local museum who didn’t care that I had better things to do. Have you heard that this spring festival is supposed to be a final splurge on the winter store before the spring planting? Two days from now, it’ll be eight hours of partying, and then they’ll climb to the top of the mountain to plant the first crops of the year.”
“Is that why I’ve been seeing onions and leeks everywhere?” you asked, giving a featherlight tap to the single bud on the vine.
“Yeah, it’s the festival’s symbols. Same with why there’s so much green and white.” Monoma flicked the tiny leaf of a potted shrub as if it’d personally offended him. “By the way, if someone gives you a packet with a single seed in it, don’t do anything to it yet. If you crack open the shell too early, the spell won’t work. You’re supposed to open it the dawn of the planting, and whatever flower grows from it—it bursts fully grown from the shell—is supposed to tell what your year is gonna be like. Looks like they have flower symbolism guides,” said Monoma, jerking his head towards the checkout, “We should pick one up on our way out.”
“Got it. If it’s that significant to the festival, we’ll probably be getting ours from Fuwa,” you said, peering into a bell-shaped bloom, “Hopefully there won’t be any sort of ceremony about it. I’d like to get in and get out without being seen by many people.”
“Oh! Speaking of not being seen. I saw a liripipe hood you’ll like. I didn’t get it, because I think you should see it first, but,” Monoma said, pausing, a sneaky little grin growing when you caught his eye, “it’s got buttons, so you could attach it to your surcoat, if you wanted, and it’s embroidered. Got that type of floral motif that you like so much.”
You raised an eyebrow. You hadn’t mentioned to anyone that you’d decided you needed another hood, but if it’s a liripipe hood—you’d probably be able to fit all of your hair into it, keeping it cleaner for longer in this filthy place without your normal conditioner—and he must have noticed how you’ve been acting since your last hood was destroyed, absent-mindedly reaching for it and adjusting without it.
“I’ll bite,” you said, already thirsting for it in the back of your mind, “I want to see it, at least, but since someone spent months embroidering it, it’s probably way out of our budget. But I would like to see. I would like to perceive.”
“Right. But,” said Monoma, jabbing a finger in your direction, “what if you requested it as part of your payment? For getting rid of the smokescreen?”
“Oh, Monoma, that’s—” You wet your bottom lip. “—that’s a little evil.”
His grin turned extremely smug, and he hummed. “I know. Isn’t that why you keep me around? Besides my love and blissful companionship?” Pushing himself up from his slouch, he pulled this strange move in which he nuzzled your shoulder like a dog, but he wasn’t acting like it was weird, so he must have done it before.
“Yeah, yeah,” you said, patting him roughly on the head, “I’ll think about it, but that assumes that I’ll be able to fix whatever’s going on in the spirit realm.”
Monoma finally stood upright, stretching and cricking his back. “Of course you will. What are you talking about?” Grunting, he rolled his shoulders backwards and then forwards. “You always solve it somehow, even if you’re panicking the whole way. I have complete faith in you. Everyone does. May we go look at that wand display in the corner?”
“Is your wand broken?”
“No, I just like to look,” Monoma said, and he tugged on your arm, beaming as he guided you away from the plants and back to a revolving display of sorcery-and-above level wands, all secured by chains so that they wouldn’t escape. He honed in on one he liked right away, coaxing it out of its attempt to burrow out of the shop’s walls. “Have you managed to find everything you need for tonight? I can charm someone if these people are hiding things from you.”
“Thanks, but they had the main ingredients I needed, already dried and bottled. So, yes, it’s the most expensive Red Lace and Cottoncrown I’ve ever bought, but I don’t have to prep it myself.”
“Red Lace?” Monoma cocked his head, his index finger scratching the head of the sourwood wand as he would a cat, “Isn’t that for the tea ceremony? Don’t you need some Gold Comb?”
“Oh, you’re right,” you said, names of herbs straightening themselves out in your head now that someone’s talked about them with you, “I usually have to ask about that one, though.”
Monoma gave the wand a firm pat. “I’ll come with you.”
“No, I’ve got it. Stay with your new friend,” you said, nodding towards the sourwood wand and then the magnolia and sycamore wands that were edging closer to Monoma’s palm, “You’ll know if I need you.”
“Don’t you always?” he called, smug voice carrying across the shop while you waved him off.
You had to wait in line, since the shopworker had to explain in embarrassingly excruciating detail to the magician in front of you that magician-level magic did not and could not use any of the heart-shaped quartz he was trying to purchase. When you plopped your bottles of pre-made potion bases and ground herbs on the counter, your arms cried out in relief.
Blowing her blunt, blue-black bangs out of her face, the shopworker wrote down the serial number for your first ingredient without thinking, but she paused when she read the label for your second. Staring you down, she moved to write down its number, more slowly this time, but when she read what your third bottle was, she clonked it on the counter. “I think I have to arrest you,” she said, more pissed that this was going against routine rather than at whatever law you’d just broken, “You can’t buy all these together. You’re going to create a poisonous miasma, and if you add this—” She picked up another of your bottles. “—then it has a chance of developing consciousness. If you use this as the base—” Another. “—then it’ll cause hallucinations and nausea to those who only even get a whiff of it. What are you up to? You planning a terrorist attack during the festival?”
“What? Of course not. I didn’t know these could do that,” you said, hands raised in defence, “I’m—I’m not even aiming to make a miasma. I won’t be burning anything at all. I’m making—liquid. This is staying in liquid form.”
“Is that so?” The shopworker’s shoulders slackened, and she glanced over your ingredients again. “I usually don’t see these go into liquids. If you’re telling the truth, I think we legally have to watch you make your potion so that we can ensure you’re not crafting a miasma. Give me a moment to call my supervisor.”
“No, no, wait. I don’t—I have permission,” you said, hating that you were pulling this card but desperate to get out of this interaction, “Mayor Fuwa summoned me for a safety procedure involving this potion. I have the letter from her requesting I do this job, but we can go find her, if you’d like—”
“Hold on, are you the Dango?” Her eyes lit up. “The Dango Lady who’s going to remove the purple smokescreen from Alderside?”
You needed to leave before anyone else heard. “Yes. I was trying to work undercover.”
“I’m certain I can speak for everybody in this town when I say that we’re so, so relieved that you’re here,” she was saying, body language relaxed and familiar (so that her large, imposing presence became non-threatening in an instant), conjuring a quill to compose a note to her supervisor while she bagged your ingredients, “No one’s been able to leave their houses at night for the past two months, and it’s been miserable trying to communicate with anyone past this new curfew; I haven’t talked to my girlfriend in a week, and if there’s an emergency while the smokescreen is up, no one can do anything about it. We’ve had to allow people to suffer while we waited for the smokescreen to dissipate. I swear on all the ratsbane on the mountain that if that Jackrabbit scoundrel ever returns to Alderside, I’m going to curse his bloodline on sight. And then I’ll take him by his ears and plunge tiny bits of soapstone glyphs into them so that they damage his ear canals—”
You snapped out of your examination of her neck, which appeared to have a scar from beheading. “I’m sorry,” you said, swallowing thickly and rubbing your fingers over your own neck, “A jackrabbit?”
“No,” she said, miming spitting off to the side, “The Jackrabbit. The soulwalker we’ve hired in the past.” She shoved your last bottle into a paper sack, clinking against the others. “You’d better not betray us like he did.”
There’s…another soulwalker?
“I’ll do my best not to,” you said, glaring over your shoulder to beg Monoma for help, but he was being lovingly swarmed by wands, snuggling against him like a herd of cats. “I was unaware another soulwalker had come through Alderside. Was he unable to get rid of the smokescreen?”
The shopworker floundered, her jaw dropping in incredulity. “Get rid of—he caused it. He was hired to consult a recently deceased judge for help on a murder trial, but he did something in the spirit realm to attach a dark presence to Alderside that causes this smokescreen.”
The shop owner came over before she could explain anything else, and the owner was equally thrilled to have a new soulwalker in town. They looked over the letter for Fuwa’s magical signature on it, and they did insist you make the potion in front of them to prove your project would stay liquidous. Monoma had disentangled himself from his wand fan club by then and helped you measure herbs, including the Gold Comb kept behind the counter.
“Right, so it can settle for now. I’ll have to bring it to a boil at the ritual site and stir counter-clockwise for eight minutes before giving it a clockwise stir, and it’ll have to cool before I use it, obviously.”
The shopworker traced the scar on her neck. “What does it do? Does it take you to the spirit realm? Does it stabilise it?”
“Neither,” you said as Monoma handed over the payment, “but it helps me get started.”
The shopping had exhausted you, so you headed back towards the inn, allowing for a detour to pick up dinner from a restaurant Monoma had been bugging you about all day, to rest until the soulwalking ritual that night.
Before long, you headed out to the ritual site. A spot staked out before you’d even entered Alderside, the limestone overhang boxed in a tiny clearing, able to be guarded by your friends while you were out of your body. The process wouldn’t take as long as it normally did due to your pre-mixing the potion at the shop, so all that had to be done was kindling a fire and laying your bedroll.
As the potion heated over the fire in Monoma’s kettle, memories of its effects came back to you. You could soulwalk without any supplements, but this recipe you’d crafted helped you start and stop the process more easily. When soulwalking, your soul had to slip out of your body as close to a sleep state as possible without actually sleeping, because relaxed muscles were easier for your soul to slip out of. The current edition for this recipe was leagues more effective than Shinsou’s sirenic magic had been when you first started out: it helped you grow drowsy, but the Gold Comb kept you just aware enough to notice when you were about to fall asleep—and therefore most easily able to leave your body. Another recently added ingredient, Cottoncrown, was an herb that promoted lucid dreaming, so it helped you have more control in the first few minutes orienting yourself as an unbound soul. Everything else was designed to keep you unconscious while you were conducting business in the spirit realm.
Unfortunately, as your potion began to boil, you realised why people have been calling you the Dango: if you take your true form when soulwalking, then your soul can get trapped in the spirit realm. If a soul matches a nearby body, then the realm registers your soul as dead and tries to shuttle it to the afterlife. Therefore, all soulwalkers had to have a transformation unlike their natural appearances, and you…
After the half hour of Shinsou softly telling you a story while Touya played his mouthharp, your soul crawled out of your body with the tiny, cat paws of your real-life cat. How on earth did this version of you become Dango when she’s never seen her? You tried to examine your toe beans, but you found that you didn’t have good control over your elbows; you had to lie on the ground to study them.
You were your cat. A chocolate-point fluffball, prone to bouts of extreme violence.
No one’s making you stay in the spirit realm. You don’t even look human.
The spirit realm mirrored the flesh: you were still lying on your bedroll in camp—both physical you and cat you. With a touch of alarm, you noticed you were lying on your own chest, so you gambolled off. Shinsou, Monoma, and Touya had vanished, because they were bound by flesh to the world of the living. The shadow of your body was here as your portal out.
The spirit realm always smelled pleasant, if not in a subtle, hazy way, as if you weren’t supposed to notice it. Around Alderside, it smelled of freshly mown grass, which was an oddity in itself; no vegetation grew in the spirit realm. Painted in shades of greys, the realm betrayed its anomalies in stark colours.
So, looking for any flash of colour, you jumped onto limestone rock, out of the clearing, and towards Alderside. Not a long walk, but it took longer on your little legs, and wow, you were getting so much grit between your toe beans, and would you really have to lick to clean them?
Cold in the overcast weather, you stalked towards the town entrance, grumbling about tangles in your fur, when your ears twitched, detecting the sound of running water. Slinking into town, you followed a babbling brook along the same, mosaiced streets designed to look like a river, its stained glass dull, grey, and glossy underneath the current.
The fog became dense purple around midtown, near the raised spring-stick. Clearly unnatural, since it’s got a colour. You trotted along the brook’s bed, keeping an eye near the roofline, where the smoke clung the thickest, and you darted behind a crate at the sight of another soul in the middle of the square.
It’s human, current rushing around his thin ankles. Barefoot, but wrapped in bandages. So were his arms, but his compact body was obscured by an oversized, scarlet jacket, with a wide collar buttoned over his mouth. He ignored how the smoke emanated from him.
A human soul. You hadn’t expected to meet someone here. To the best of your knowledge, you tended not to. You leapt atop a stack of crates and spoke to him (never mind that your vocal cords were not physically able to speak; it’s magic. Don’t think about it too hard). “Hello.”
He didn’t look away from the water.
“Hi! Over here. By the storefront.”
Shifting his weight, he blinked, shifting his gaze from the brook to the overcast, night sky.
“Nice to meet you,” you said, frowning, “I’m here to help you. Are you lost? Stuck? Do you need to go on to the afterlife?”
He took a deep breath in, closed his eyes, and then exhaled.
“Okay,” you said, jumping down from the crates and skulking towards him. Maybe this guy couldn’t hear you, so the next step would be to go rub against him like a friendly cat to get his attention, and then, perhaps, pantomiming ways of helping him. It pained you to wade through the brook, water almost wetting the fur on your stomach, but you head-bumped his leg when you reached him, making a point to purr loudly.
He finally looked down and picked you up. Tensing, you mrowped in distress before he secured you to hold you like a baby, your stomach exposed and facing upwards so that he could look at you.
“What do you want?” he asked, quiet, reserved. He’d already turned back to the sky, despite five of your six ends’ sharpness.
You sighed the best a tiny cat could sigh. “The smoke is coming from you, correct? Is it your—” Out of habit, you’d almost asked if it were his quirk.
“Yes,” he said, too quickly for you to think of another term.
“I represent this town. What would it take for you to stop using your smokescreen?”
For some reason, at your question, the man snapped his gaze to you, visibly taken aback despite his mouth’s concealment. He must not have seen anything further in your expression, because he continued, albeit cautiously. “I cannot accept a bribe, for I cannot control the smokescreen here. It leaks out of me against my will.” He shifted you to one arm so that he could hold up a hand, purple smoke seeping from his pores. “It is behaving most unusually. Not like itself at all.”
“It’s harming the town.”
“I’m aware.”
“Then please leave?”
“I’ve been stationed here by my master,” said the soul, covering his leaking hand with his sleeve, “I cannot leave this place.”
A soul with a master? This other soulwalker must also be a necromancer. “All right. I can help you break from his service.”
“No,” he said, wading through the water towards the spring-stick, “I serve him willingly. I’m honoured to aid him when I can.” He neared the barrels and crates, still unpacked, near the spring-stick site, and he lowered his arms to let you crawl onto them.
You nestled into the sacks of dried petals, settling into a catloaf. “Can I help you fulfil your task, then?”
His narrow eyes flickered towards you as he leant against a barrel and crossed his arms, the thick fabric of his coat puckering. “Nothing you can do. I’m to stay in Alderside until the next new moon, and then I will move on.”
You shifted, pulling your little legs farther underneath you. “Listen, I’m not actually a cat. I am more than capable of helping you. I have magic, you know.”
“I’m aware,” he said again, “You must be the other soulwalker my master is avoiding.”
“Avoiding? Say more about that,” you said, growing more distressed by the minute at the unequal levels of information between the two of you.
“No.”
“Fine,” you said, trying to spit but failing, “Will you tell me why you’re stationed here?”
He tugged his collar farther over his mouth and nose. “No.”
“Forget it, then.” You unsheathed your claws to tap them on the crate, your dewclaw sticking in the wood. “Let’s re-route back to your smokescreen. Is there a way to stop its leaking?”
He held up his hand again, flexing it. “I’m not certain.”
Unhelpful. “If you can’t stop the leak, can you control where the smoke flows?”
He paused to think, and he shook his head.
***
“My back is starting to hurt,” said Aizawa, slumping in his kitchen chair, “Do you mind if we move this conversation to my room so that I can lie down?”
“Not at all,” you said, standing and taking both of your coffee mugs to the sink, “I apologise for taking so long to get to the point, but there’s so much context, I think, that’s necessary to understand it.”
“I don’t mind,” said Aizawa, stretching, back popping in two places, shirt riding up as he did so. He rolled his shoulder backwards and started towards his bedroom. “How did you manage the smokescreen?”
“Well,” you said with a grunt, bending to scoop up Konpeito and rushing to follow Aizawa, “You know what a bag of holding is? It’s a bag that can hold an infinite amount of anything, but it only takes up the space and weight of the bag itself.” Once in his bedroom, you released Konpeito onto her worn cat tower, tag jingling, and she retreated to the topmost tier to gaze down at you in disdain. “I went back to the magic shop and got the staff involved to cast the spell to make bags of holding on an airtight jar, and I took it back to the spirit realm. We couldn’t stop his leaking smokescreen, but it stopped harming Alderside if it all funnelled into the jar.”
Aizawa shot you an incredulous smirk before collapsing on his bed, bouncing his sleeping bag off of it and covering his eyes with his arm. “You’re insane.”
“I like to think so,” you said, kneeling on the other side of the bed before fully sitting on it. “Alderside’s problem was fixed, even though that guy wasn’t leaving. We stuck around for the spring festival—fantastic, beautiful, perfect—fruit preserves on everything. I think Monoma ate his weight in baked brie with pear preserves on top. Dancing. Games. Tag where you hit people with fake leeks. Flowers conjured by magic everywhere. I got one of those fortune-telling seeds.” You scooted backwards towards the headboard and accepted the throw blanket Aizawa offered.
“I’m not falling asleep, by the way,” he said, peeking out from underneath his arm, “Just resting my eyes. Dry eye, you know.” He nestled his nose back into the crook of his elbow and rested his other hand on his chest. “And your fortune?”
“My knowledge of flowers is not expansive,” you said, kicking underneath the throw blanket to cover your lower body, “We couldn’t discern what our flowers were from the guides, so we had to ask around. I got a lotus. It’s silly, but Alderside’s flower symbolism doesn’t match up with reality’s, which is for enlightenment, self-regeneration, and rebirth; I looked it up later. For Alderside, a lotus means indifference and grief. Which is rude of it.”
“It’s just a fortune. Doesn’t mean anything.”
“I know. There seemed to be more negative fortunes than positive in those seeds; Shinsou got the worst of it; his flower has negative connotations in both worlds. Snowdrops mean consolation and hope here and vigilance and loneliness there. But nothing matters,” you said with a curt laugh.
Aizawa ran his tongue over his lower lip. “How was it being a cat?”
“Surprisingly okay. It was interesting to compare how unlimber I am in my own body. I also think it’s unfair humans don’t have a comfortable way of lying on their stomachs and looking around at the same time.” You smiled down at Aizawa, though he couldn’t see it. “It’s just like you to hone in on the cat stuff.”
“Isn’t it about time you brought Dango over to play with Konpeito again?”
“I’ll bring her next time I need to consult you about a crisis.”
Aizawa sat up to reach for his prosthetic leg. “Speaking of. When does this story become a crisis?” He detached the prosthetic with a quiet hiss from the pressure release, and he propped it against his bedside table.
“It already has. I actually did know that guy in the spirit realm.” You scratched the back of your neck, averting your gaze as he turned back towards you. “After Alderside, we kept getting summons to help out towns with similar problems, all stemming from souls being stationed there by the Jackrabbit. I, uh. Didn’t realise until Shimura Nana that they were all vestiges.”
Aizawa groaned your name in frustrated disappointment. “You didn’t. You didn’t.” He lay back down, hair splaying across his pillow while staring at you with a constipated expression. “I see we’ve arrived at this morning. I had to stop class so that my students could get it out of their systems.”
“Sorry about that. What I wouldn’t give for everyone not to have that information. I’d only just learnt it myself,” you said, grumbling and tucking yourself under the blanket as you, too, lay down, teeming with bitterness, “But no. Not quite this morning yet. We’re getting there. Like I said, it took me until Shimura Nana to figure it out, and it didn’t even matter that I was able to piece it together. He was still there when I arrived.”
***
Fury radiating from every pore, you stormed away from Shimura Nana on little cat feet, racing towards the cove she’d said her master’s body was, and on the shore outside of the coastal village, he sat next to All Might’s wispy vestige, trouser legs rolled up to dip his feet in the greyscale water, heels digging into the sand—very human-looking heels. How come he still looked like his human self?
You bounded down the beach, sand sticking between your toe beans and in your fur, and you pounced onto his back, sinking your claws into his stupid cape.
“How dare you,” you said, your cat weight making him hunch forward as he scrambled to catch you, “You’re causing a mess of trouble for me, you rat. I’ve been summoned across the country to fix your mistakes; how come all of your vestiges have something wrong with their—” It’d only been a split second in which you’d almost said quirks. “—magic. I’m going to rip you to tiny, edible shreds,” you said, fuming, claws catching onto his rabbit-earred hood as he dragged you over his shoulder.
You yanked at his hood, desperate to see that stupid, freckled face so that you could scratch it, but it wouldn’t budge. Violence tapering off, you sheathed your claws once it hit you that he was disguising his soul by making his mask part of his body.
Midoriya blinked slowly, eyes large and uncanny underneath the mask. Monstrous. Teeth look sharper, too. His silence unnerved you; you’ve never known him to shut up. But that was All Might next to him, swaying and diffusing in the nightly sea breeze, so this was Midoriya. Jackrabbit. You should’ve realised it sooner.
“You’re the other soulwalker,” he finally said, loosing his grip on your scruff as you calmed down, letting your weight rest in his lap.
“Are there only two of us? I know it’s a rare discipline, but only two makes us look like an endangered species.”
“If there are others, I don’t know of them.” He petted the back of your neck, as if reminding you he could still strangle you to death.
Of course the only other soulwalker, the only rival in an extremely rare, difficult magical discipline, the one whose chaos you’ve had to ameliorate, would be the number-one hero. You didn’t stand a chance in surpassing him. At the same time, it made you feel the tiniest bit special that hey, the number-one hero is the only one to rival you here, wow. Especially since your magic—unfairly—doesn’t resemble your quirk at all. Turns out with his vestiges, the soulwalking must be somewhat familiar to him. You’ve had to wing it from scratch, and he’s—well.
“I want to talk to you when I’m not a cat,” you said, nodding towards him and at All Might out of politeness, “My party is nearby with my body. Want to have dinner with us tonight? I’ll ensure your safety.”
The ears on Midoriya’s hood twitched. “You’re so sure you can trust me. I could destroy you right now, and I would be the only soulwalker in the realm.”
“I don’t care. I trust you,” you said, because people here tended to mirror their selves from reality, and Midoriya was just a little baby boy. Just a little guy. He’d even be a great addition to your party, especially for strategizing, and you wouldn’t have to follow his trail of disaster anymore. “Look, do you want me to come get you in my real body first? I’ll be unarmed. Or we could meet up in town, if you’re worried about meeting in private.”
Midoriya glanced towards All Might. “All right,” he said slowly, “Dinner. There was a beachside restaurant, wasn’t there?”
“We can meet you there. There’s four of us,” you said, answering his question before he asked it. He closed his mouth. “We’ll buy, if that’s any incentive. We’ve gotten paid pretty well for fixing the problems you’ve left behind.”
He nodded again, eerie in his stiffness, and he stood, keeping you out of the water. “How will I recognise you?”
You laughed through your nose as he gingerly set you down on dry sand. “I’ll be the devastatingly beautiful one with something deeply wrong with her.”
When you led your party into Suoh’s Seaside Café, you meandered through a packed front of house celebrating a birthday, and out to its deck, where Midoriya sat alone, scribbling into a notebook at the umbrella-covered table closest to the ocean.
It’s strange, seeing him out of his hero costume, labelled t-shirts, or hero merch, and it’s odder still seeing him out of anything green. Everyone else appeared to share their real counterpart’s preferences for clothing, so it was weird that Midoriya instead was keeping it monochrome with some pirate-ass, billowing long-sleeve, the tightest black trousers you’ve seen this side of consciousness, a double-breasted vest from a vampire’s wet dream, and—okay, never mind—now that you’ve gotten a good look at it, his cloak’s not fully black; the inside was dyed deep green. Made it feel more like Midoriya.
But it occurred to you, as Touya elbowed you to approach, that you haven’t really seen Midoriya in a while, in real life. He might dress like this now. You wouldn’t know. Midoriya tended to run around with the Iida-Todoroki-Uraraka-Asui-Tokoyami crowd, always scraping his nose to the grindstone, always in high demand, never having much free time. Everything you knew about Midoriya was filtered through headlines or through Uraraka in the breakroom at work, like how he’d gotten her flowers yesterday or how he forgot to get dish soap last time he was out.
You haven’t properly hung out with Midoriya in about three years, and even then, it’d only been because you’d been the only two U.A. graduates at a fundraising event. Latching onto each other for the night had seemed safer than going through the hordes of strangers alone. And that night had been the first time you’d spent time with him since graduation, and before that, he had—all that other stuff to deal with.
When you tapped on the table to get his attention, the way he dropped everything to beam up at you made you want to pursue his friendship again.
“Hello!” Midoriya shut his handbound notebook, and you swore his boyish smile took up over half his face; it’s almost too blinding to look at. “I assume you’re the cat I met?”
“Meow,” you said with a flash of your eyebrows, pulling out the chair next to him, chair legs screeching on the wooden deck.
“It’s good to meet you officially. I’ve heard a lot about you, as a soulwalker. I’m Midoriya Izuku,” he said, reaching out to shake your hand.
After ordering and introductions, the notebook was opened to a clean page when Monoma started talking about his copy-illusions, and Midoriya began asking questions. You slurped at your iced tea, feeling more comfortable now that this Midoriya was acting like the Midoriya you knew—asking about magic/quirks felt much, much more familiar than the uncannily stiff, stoic man you met in the spirit realm. He got to rambling underneath Touya’s reluctant explanation of his freezing fire and Shinsou’s necromancy and sirenic call, but when he got to you, it tapered off.
He'd bent over to write more quickly, nose practically touching the paper. “And you soulwalk, same as me—we should talk about it later; I don’t want to bore everyone else at the table—is there any other magic you can do?”
“Yeah,” you said, unable to make out what he was scrawling diagonally, “I have this boundary-binding tea ceremony.”
Midoriya’s hand halted for the first time in ten minutes. “I’m sorry. What?”
“Yeah,” you said, lifting a scallop from your soup (Shinsou, at least, could share in your raving about how fabulous the soup was, but Monoma ate his popcorn shrimp with pride while Touya’d ordered chicken at a seafood place), “It’s a bit of an obscure technique, like soulwalking. I’d classify it as a type of conjuring, if you want a broad category.”
Midoriya scratched out the previous two sentences and began to copy what you’d said. “Fascinating. I’d love to hear more about it.”
His awkward, abrupt pause had been the only social hiccup all evening. Otherwise, he’d been lovely—eager to share information and to listen, apologetic for the trouble he’d caused, boyishly charming to the point where even Touya got a little flustered, easy to laugh and to make others laugh. You could see why he’s the number-one hero back home. It’s easy to feel like you’ve known him forever, like he belongs at your side.
When Touya wanted to test how Granddaddy Slapkins felt about Midoriya, you knew what was coming. The instant Granddaddy Slapkins settled into Midoriya’s lap, quacking softly as he fed him a stir-fried snow pea, Monoma propped his chin on steepled fingers, shooting looks that were not subtle around the table before opening his mouth.
“Midoriya, you seem a decent fellow. Would you like to join our party?”
Taken aback (or perhaps just startled at the nip Granddaddy Slapkins gave him), Midoriya considered. “Are you sure?” Midoriya clutched the duck to his chest, petting gently, and looked at you. “You wouldn’t have to follow me to fix my problems,” he said, tilting his head very slightly, brow pinched in thought, “I wouldn’t have to—you could help me, most likely. In what I’m searching for. It might be better to have more than one person investigate it.”
Grinning, Shinsou crossed his arms on the table to lean on them, hand gripping his opposite elbow. “Tell us more.”
“I—” Shaking himself out of it, he broke from you to look at Shinsou. “Yes, actually. I’m on a mission myself, and since your missi—quest to solve what problems I’ve caused is coming to an end, I might be able to offer a new one,” said Midoriya, stowing his notebook away at last and pulling a threadbare, velvet box out of his satchel. He popped it open like a ring box, and on its cushion sat a clear, perfectly spherical crystal with the barest suggestion of topaz yellow glinting off it.
“Do you want us to fence it?” Touya was asking as he lifted Granddaddy Slapkins out of Midoriya’s lap and circling back to his seat on the bench, “We passed through a gem market when before we entered the Gauntlet—”
Monoma cut him off. “The only way we are going back through that abominable place is if we can conjure a carpet to fly over it.”
“I’m not trying to sell it,” said Midoriya, shutting the box again, “I’m trying to restore it. It’s a soul crystal, one that belonged to my master, Yagi Toshinori.” All Might’s real name. Tracks, with Midoriya. “My master’s body has gotten frail in his old age,” said Midoriya, worriedly rotating the box from hand to hand, “After sustaining a stomach injury, he used up all of his magic in preserving his physical form, which has gone into hibernation. His magic is gone, but it’s not yet his time to die. I’m trying to take his soul crystal to the soul altar to restore his magic. He’ll be able to resume living in his body if I can do that.”
“All right,” said Shinsou, nodded while he took an enormous slurp of his coffee, “Where’s this soul altar? We can help you get to it.”
Midoriya laughed nervously, scratching his cheek. “I don’t know exactly. I’ve been given the parameters. It’s why you’ve been following my vestiges, actually,” he said, nodding towards you again, “Entrances to the soul altar move around in the spirit realm. It has consistent places it spawns, but I don’t have enough vestiges to watch every spawning point. What I was doing was stationing them at the most common ones, but they don’t—something’s been going wrong with all of their magic; none of them have been working right. I—”
“So, are you saying we’d be travelling around for these entrance points?” Touya asked thickly, mouth full of fried chicken. “What about just going to where the altar actually is?” At Midoriya’s perplexed stare, he swallowed and continued. “If its entrances keep changing locations, then they’re probably not actually in those places, taking up space. It means that there’s a solid location for the altar, and the entrances are the only things that jump around. How stupid are you to forget that loose magic, the stuff that’s not bound to anyone or anything, doesn’t last very long? You’re saying that these entrances have been bouncing around for a while, so they’ve got to be bound to something. So. There’s probably a physical place where the soul altar is bound.”
You stifled your smile at Midoriya’s silence by tilting your bowl to get at the last of your soup.
“To—ya,” said Midoriya slowly, eyes glazed over, “You may be onto something.” Mechanically, he returned the box to his satchel, and he bowed his head. “Please let me join your party.”
And that was that. Midoriya left the restaurant with all of you, spitballing theories about the soul altar, all the way up until it was time to set up camp again that night, and after that, he lay on his bedroll next to yours, laughing until while you told him about soulwalking as a cat with his vestiges, until the both of you fell asleep.
***
“Aizawa-sensei?” You prodded the arm covering his eyes. “Are you awake?”
“You’ve got to stop calling me that,” said Aizawa, shifting underneath the covers with a groan, “Someone your age calling me sensei makes me feel like I’m on a rollercoaster into my own grave.”
“Aren’t we all,” you said, sitting up, the blanket pooling around your waist, “Were you even listening?”
“Midoriya joined your party, and he’s been travelling with you for a few weeks now,” he said, finally lifting his arm from his face to sweep hair off of it, “Just stop calling me sensei. I haven’t taught you for almost a decade now.”
“It hasn’t been that long,” you said, rolling your eyes, “What do you want me to call you? It’s not going to feel natural, whatever it is.”
Aizawa ran his fingers through his hair and scowled at a tangle. “Shouta is fine. We’ve been friends for a while now, wouldn’t you say?”
“I guess,” you said, “but it’s not easy to make the mental shift from thinking of someone as distinctly an adult to a peer. I’ll try. But back to you, teaching. We’re up to this morning. We are up to what your students wouldn’t shut up about.”
He pulled at the knot in his hair, wincing. “Should I be taking notes?”
***
Six hours ago, you’d gone to brunch with friends, most of whom you hadn’t seen in a long while because of work. Yes, you saw most of the women because of the all-female hero agency that you’d founded, but seeing everyone together was like stepping back into the past, the way people relaxed into familiar patterns of interacting with each other, even though it’d been months or years since you’d spoken to each other.
It usually took a couple of weeks out to reserve a table at this brunch restaurant, but they’d been more than enthusiastic about renting their whole place out to, essentially, the former Class A. Kind of guilty seeing all the vacant tables, but comforting to know no one was eavesdropping on you.
You sidled up on the end seat next to Shinsou and Monoma at the tables they’ve pushed together for your group. You scanned the menu once you’d set your purse down; in your dream world, your party had had breakfast for dinner last night and left you craving it for real (Shinsou was already sipping at the largest frappe on the menu, and your heart ached for dream Shinsou, who’d never have one [last night’s dream Shinsou had stubbornly held back tears drinking black coffee after Midoriya and Monoma used the last of the sugar for their strawberry toast]).
“Where is Uraraka?” Monoma scrolled through his phone, pouting. “Shouldn’t the one who organised the event be here on time? I have some design proposals for the formalwear collab we’re doing to promote her miniseries. I simply have no patience for all of those bubble dresses she keeps sending me.”
“She’ll be here,” you said once the waitress took your order and menu, “I wouldn’t worry about—”
“They don’t have a classic silhouette, so they’re not a lasting style—”
A bell chimed when the restaurant’s door swung open, with Uraraka waving to everyone, the tips of her fingers lightly pink. “Hey, guys! So sorry we’re late,” she said, weaving between tables towards ones pushed together, “We got caught up at Sakura Grove and then that home improvement store again; they just have so many interesting lamps.” She sat in the seat across from Shinsou, and—oh, you didn’t even see him trailing behind her—Midoriya sat in the last available seat, across from you. Uraraka slung her purse off her shoulder, rooting through it for her phone before draping its strap over the back of the bench. “What have I missed?”
Mina reiterated her cute anecdote about being paired with Kirishima for an undercover mission, not even because they were soulmates but because the situation called for their specific quirks. Tokoyami and Jiro shared that they wanted to release an acoustic album together, and if Bakugou would play percussion in it, hey, then no one would have to suffer through Aoyama’s maracas. By the way, Sero, did you know that Present Mic was asking after…
You stayed quiet. With your mind running a mile a minute both asleep and awake, you felt like you spent a lot of time talking nowadays. Instead, you considered Midoriya, who, bags under his eyes, remaining quite silent himself, kept his mug of oolong tea, double-sweet, to his lips, answering and laughing when prompted by Uraraka and not much otherwise. He’s sitting on the edge of a shared bench, right on the edge so that his ass doesn’t entirely fit—but he seems like he’s consciously trying to downplay his large presence right now, not taking up a lot of space, despite having the broad shoulders and muscled thighs expected of a number-one hero. Midoriya’s wearing a t-shirt labelled Nice Button-Down, the fabric that sort of transparent-thin that comes from being well-worn, thrown on hastily enough that the sleeves were still twisted and straining around his biceps, stretching the fabric even thinner (you could make out some of his darker freckles on his shoulders from across the table) and jeans that were crumpled enough to have come out of the dirty clothes hamper, his hair wildly dishevelled so that most of it still obscured his eyes—you’d think they’d just overslept and lied about it. But Uraraka’s even got those little rhinestones glued to the corners of her eyes, so maybe Midoriya was content with wandering around looking like—well. The number-one hero must be exhausted all of the time, you supposed. Your eyes fell to the veins on the back of the hand encircling his mug, and after a few moments of staring, they pulsed visibly. At least he’s drinking enough liquids.
If the real Midoriya had become this quiet, then perhaps the dream Midoriya’s behaviour in the spirit realm wasn’t so out of character. And if he’s anything like himself in your dreams, then you wanted to rekindle your friendship.
While Shinsou and Uraraka were critiquing Monoma’s design for a dress inspired by the elves leaving Middle Earth in The Fellowship of the Ring, you waved your fingers at Midoriya. “Hi.”
Midoriya blinked slowly, as if it took him a moment to realise you were talking to him, and he set his tea down on the lace tablecloth. “Hi,” he said back, with a rasp to his voice, “I don’t think we’ve seen each other in a while. When was the last time we…?”
“Around three years ago,” you said, taking a bite of your waffle, “That idiotic fundraising event full of old people who wanted to feel your biceps.”
“Has it been that long?” He chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck, and something about this felt wrong felt off felt like that action, inflection, and dialogue was planned and fake and—
You ignored it. “How’re you doing?”
“I’m—” He wavered his free hand from side to side. “—busy.” Midoriya smiled again, cupping both of his hands around his mug, fingers overlapping and making the mug look much smaller than it was. “I’m afraid I can’t discuss what I’m currently doing, because I’ve signed an NDA, but non-mission-wise, I’ve been up to my nose with this advertising deal for protein shakes, and I’ve been working with Hatsume about redesigning my boots now that my kicks are reaching around 1200 psi on average, and—” He broke his gaze from his tea, glancing around the table as if he just remembered it. “—and Uraraka and I are working on pre-production for her miniseries, and—oh, thank you so much,” he said to the waiter who set his strawberry French toast in front of him.
Midoriya turned back to you. He blinked blearily.
You stared back at him. “No one’s asked you how you are in a while, haven’t they?”
“I wouldn’t say that,” said Midoriya, unravelling his silverware from his napkin, which he spread across his lap, “Uraraka knows everything going on with me, and I’m not often allowed the free time to speak with people who’ve—friends, I mean.”
“Well,” you said, cutting into your waffle while he did the same with his toast, “I’ve actually been thinking about you lately, and it’s a shame we don’t hang out very much. I was actually thinking about that fundraising event and how good it was to be with you then, and—yeah. If you’re cool with it, I’d like to talk to you more.”
Midoriya faltered, fork lowering from his mouth as he gave you a toothy grin with something unreadable glinting in his eyes. “I’d—that’d be good. I’d like that, too,” he said, and he took his first bite of strawberry-stained French toast and let out what could technically be labelled as a moan. “Ffffuck, that’s good. That’s good. I haven’t had strawberry toast in forever. My nutritionist won’t—”
“I didn’t know forever was only a few hours. You just had some last night, moron,” you said thickly through your own waffle, shaking your head at how he’d deprived dream Shinsou of sugar for his coffee, and you stopped mid-chew.
Midoriya did, too.
The silence between the two of you lasted a lifetime, though your friends continued chattering on a single topic, chairs scraping and echoing around you.
You couldn’t taste your waffle when you swallowed it. “I have to go to the bathroom.”
“I’ll show you where they are,” said Midoriya, standing in a rush, “I’ve been here before.”
Hastening away from the table, you pulled Midoriya into the hallway where the bathrooms were, but he shook his head and steered you the opposite direction. “The sound carries in here,” he said, pushing open the doorway to the restaurant’s covered porch.
He’s already pacing, muttering to himself, and frantically pulling at his hair when you collapsed into one of the flimsy deck chairs. Empty, like your insides have been scooped out, you watched him pace back and forth before he spun around to point at you. “Right. How long have you been going there?”
“Don’t be vague,” you said, a stone of dread splashing into your stomach, “We’re talking about that fantasy world when we fall asleep, right?It’s actually you I’ve been travelling with?”
“Yes,” Midoriya said, swallowing, Adam’s apple bobbing, “I haven’t found anyone else who travels from this reality to that one. My vestiges know, of course, because they come over with me. Actually, is anyone else in our party—”
“No. They’ve all lived there their whole lives. Dream Shinsou knows I come from this reality, though, and that I have overlapping memories of two lives.”
“This is it, then. It ends here,” said Midoriya, running his hands down his face, reminding you of Aizawa, and he slapped his cheeks. “I have to end my relationship with Uraraka.”
You jolted in your seat. “What’s wrong with—Deku,” you said, holding your hands up in concern, “What are you talking about? Just because we’ve been meeting in dreams doesn’t mean—”
“I’ve been expecting something like this.” Closing his eyes, Midoriya took a careful breath in, and his shoulders heaved as he exhaled. His eyes snapped open. “Uraraka and I aren’t soulmates. You and I are.”
Throat drying, you narrowed your eyes. “No, we’re not. I don’t have a soulmate, and I would know. Ito hasn’t said anything about my having a soulmate at work, and she’d know—”
“No, please—please let me explain.” Midoriya pulled out the chair opposite you, and he shifted it over to your side of the table. “Uraraka and I were never soulmates. We were wrong when we thought we were bound.” He took both of your hands in his, and, startled, you looked around the vacant deck for help. “Do you remember what our bond was? Sharing the same song in our heads. But we were stupid,” he was saying, shaking his head, “and we already had feelings for each other. So, when we seemed to share a song, we didn’t take into account that we have the same music taste and were always recommending music to each other, always blaring music whenever we were around each other, as if enforcing it—and when it was clear that we weren’t actually bound, we stayed together, anyway. We were in the public eye by then, and things were messy. And now—” Midoriya winced, sucking in through his teeth. “—she and I are extremely popular as a unit, as if people can’t think of one of us without the other, and we do work exceedingly well together, and—”
Midoriya cut himself off, head bowed so low that his bangs grazed your fingers and that you could see where his undercut began on the back of his neck. “I couldn’t mar Uraraka’s reputation. Women are always villainised in breakups, and she especially would be, since, by all accounts, it looks like she’s cheating on me.”
You opened your mouth, but your voice wouldn’t come out.
Midoriya raised his head, eyes watering. “She’s already found her real soulmate. Almost a year ago now. We’ve stayed together for public image, because I haven’t minded, and we’re both too tired to deal with the fallout. Now that you’re in the picture—”
You cleared your throat until you could speak. “Why would I matter? We haven’t exactly been friends. I don’t know you. You don’t know me.”
“I could,” said Midoriya, squeezing your hands tightly, “I could love you.” Holding eye contact must have been difficult while crying, but he did it, raising your hand to his mouth to press a kiss to your knuckle.
“What the fuck,” you said, ripping it away.
***
Grimacing, Aizawa laughed through his nose. “Wow,” he said, rubbing his good eye, “That’s unfortunate. It’d be hard to ignore at this point, wouldn’t it?”
“Yeah,” you said with a jerk of your head to the side, “I left after that, but you saw the—did you see the video? It was some reporter whose quirk allows him to turn into a beetle, so he was sitting on the railing—wanted to overhear anything from heroes during brunch, and he ended up finding out horrible news at the same time we did.”
“I never saw the video, but my students described it to me in great detail.”
You clicked your tongue. “Fabulous. Then you heard how Deku brought Uraraka out to the same spot, so Beetle was able to get everything about how excited Uraraka was that they could break up. What’s ironic is that they were discussing a plan about how to end their relationship with delicacy so that the public wouldn’t villainise anyone, but now that this video is out, there’s no need for a plan or delicacy. I’ve turned my phone off ever since Uraraka texted me that she had to protect her soulmate, since she’s just a civilian who’s been doxed. I did some stress-wandering-about, and then I came to you.”
Aizawa pushed himself up, bending his knees to rest his arms on them. “You finally have a soulmate.” He tapped his fingers on his leg. “Thought you were one of us.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” you said, giving him a dismissive wave (but aware he was trying to make you feel better about it), “I should’ve considered everyone in our soulmate-less club before getting assigned. How careless of me.”
(Out of everyone in ground gamma when Tainted Love’s team invaded, only a handful of you weren’t assigned soulmates [Bakugou, Monoma, Todoroki, Aizawa, Shinsou, and you], so whenever there’d been a soulmate-based event, you’d instead hung out with some or all of the soulmate-less group, eager to grumble about your lot in life and engage in non-romantic conversation.
There’d been in-group jokes about how its members should all just get together. Looking back, you wished you had, so that you’d have more of an excuse to get out of this Midoriya stuff. But you couldn’t pin down which of your friends you’d go for, like something deep inside you wouldn’t let you—and you supposed that was the soulmate bond, at which you seethed.)
“So. We’ve caught up.” Aizawa covered his yawn. “How can I help? I’d break the bond if I could, since it upsets you, but I believe that’s beyond the scope of my quirk.”
“I knew that coming in,” you said, “I’d like your advice on how to have dreamless sleep. I don’t wanna face Deku right now; I can’t handle it.”
“Hm. It’ll be hard, considering you’ve been dreaming every night for half a year now.” Aizawa pinched his lower lip, brow furrowed. “You can’t run away from a soulmate bond.”
“Yes, but I would like to.”
Sighing like the weight of the world curled on his chest, Aizawa reached for the knob of his bedside table’s drawer. “Fine. Let me give you what I give Yamada when he’s fresh off of his radio show.”
***
When you lurched awake in your bedroll by a smouldering firepit, you scratched Aizawa’s advice off your list. Maybe it’d prolonged the time until you woke, because these thunderous river rapids should have woken you earlier, but you couldn’t count on it.
Joints aching, you pushed yourself upright. Funny, you hadn’t been in your bedroll but on it—probably due to the layer of filth coating you. Last dream had had your party in an unexpected scuffle with earth mages, and they’d pounded you into the ground. Camp had been set up near this waterfall so that you could wash yourselves when you woke up, because everyone was too exhausted to do anything after that fight other than sleep. Looks like Touya didn’t even both setting up his bedroll and slept directly on the riverbank.
Camp was vacant, save for you, but the eternal coal was still hot, buried under the ashes of the hastily dug firepit. Wasn’t there a village nearby? Could that be where—yes, the results of Monoma’s scouting included that the nearby village tended to not even talk to women who passed through, due to insane objectification, and everyone else had probably gone there to restock.
Well, you’re taking the good soap, and you’re going to bathe in the waterfall, because it’s the closest thing to a modern shower’s water pressure that you’re going to get. Unlacing your corset as you walked, you trailed along the river and climbed onto the jagged rocks by the waterfall, and through it took you a minute to find secure footing on the slippery stone, you made it onto the stone ledge that would let you slip behind the waterfall for some privacy.
Yanking your loosened corset over your head, you did the same for your shirt as you dropped your clean clothes to the ground, sighing loudly against the ambience of the deafening waterfall and its softer, coursing showers flowing through rock interstices. You’d plopped your shirt onto a dry section of rock, about to pull off your undershirt, when you spotted Midoriya across the inner plunge pool. Hidden behind a sheet of water and submerged almost to mid-chest, his bulky silhouette washed its hair, rinsing out soap and shaking the water out like a dog.
You lowered the hem of your undershirt.
Crouching to gather your clean clothes, you winced at your knees cracking but kept vigilant, eyes darting between the exit and his shadow, holding your breath despite—
“I’ve been waiting for you.”
Your blood turned cold. You spun back towards the pool, keeping your distance from the waves sloshing against the rim and your gaze towards your feet, listening in horror to the swishing of water as he swam towards you. “What do you want, Deku?”
“What do you mean by that? I want to talk to you.”
In your periphery, Midoriya swam to the edge of the pool, water lapping around his infuriatingly narrow waist, and he rested his forearms on the rock’s edge to lean towards you, collarbone poking out and shoulders hunching in the effort to stay above the surface. “If it’s all right with you,” he said, with the air of defusing a bomb, “I’d like to pursue a relationship with you, as my true soulmate.”
You hunkered back towards the only section of dry stone, clutching your knees to your chest. “Well, I don’t.”
Midoriya gave a breathy exhale, eyes softening but still pinning you to your spot against the rock wall. “I could be so good for you,” he said, shaking his head, “I know I could love you.”
You bit your lip. “Aren’t you in love with Uraraka?”
His hair dripped into his face at the same moment his expressed sharpened again, just barely. “I was.”
“I don’t want a relationship right now,” you said, gaze flicking towards the exit, “I’m content with how I am by myself.”
Midoriya hummed, narrowing his eyes, and he hitched up his elbow placement on the stone’s edge, his abs flinching when they grazed the side of the pool. “I don’t think that’s your reason. Tell me.”
(Who is this man? What happened in the past few years?
You kept a vivid memory of the fundraising event from three years ago close to your chest, guiltily hoarding it from sunlight, because you weren’t supposed to—
Midoriya and you had ducked out to the venue’s third-storey balcony, him in his stupid pinstriped suit and you in some silky dress that vaguely resembled a jellyfish, both sweaty from the packed crowd and bright lights inside. You’d made a joke at the punchbowl that’d made Midoriya splurt champagne out of his nose, so you’d slinked outside to avoid glares while you laughed—charity was serious business, and you were only figurehead heroes representing your agencies, anyway.
The two of you had hidden on the spiralling staircase outside while you finished your champagne and talked about your agencies. Both of you had been the sole members of your U.A. class to start an agency, and your processes had evidently been tremendously different. You’d found yourself disagreeing with your classmates, as you’d gazed up at Midoriya, sitting two steps higher than you were, champagne flute at his side, because his rambling—constant analysis, making strange jumps in logic with synthesis you didn’t expect, riddled with moments of admiration for those who’d gone before him—had made your heart sing.
You hadn’t understood most of what he was saying, and you could’ve listened to him forever.
Midoriya had unlocked a desperation to understand like nothing ever had, and he was interesting, full of wonder and curiosity, kind more than anything, a bit too generous, and, moreover, actually listening to you, instead of just waiting his turn to talk or interrupting.
And when you’d expressed worry about how to keep moving forward, he’d said the most beautiful words anyone’s ever said to you: “Let me help you.”
[After, you’d had to shove all these feelings down, because he’s dating your friend. You’ve allowed yourself to—think of him like that only in the context of that night. Otherwise, your attraction towards Midoriya can’t exist.])
“Shut up,” you said, curling in on yourself, resting your chin on your knees, “You’re clever. You can figure it out.”
Midoriya spoke with a touch too much enunciation, the tendons in the back of his hand flexing as he gripped his bar of soap, wrapped in his washcloth. “I want to be sure. Tell me.”
You couldn’t look at him. “You’ve recently ended a long-term relationship with one of my best friends. I can’t date you. That’s violating girl code.”
“Uraraka was eager for the breakup,” he said evenly, “She’s ecstatic that she can finally go on public outings with Spike, her real soulmate, even if it comes after a media fallout. Uraraka holds no power over me. All I am is yours.” A droplet dripped from his bangs onto his lower lip, and his tongue darted out to lick it off. “Come here. Sit next to me. Put your legs in the water.”
You baulked. “I’m sorry?”
“You came here to bathe. I can help, if you’d like.”
“Wha—I,” you said, fumbling, spluttering, “I don’t—huh?”
“It’s okay,” said Midoriya, holding his hand out to you, “You’re okay. You’re safe.”
“No, I am not—”
“It’s okay. I’m aware you have feelings for me, so you don’t have to worry about—”
“Hold on—what, what on earth are you talking about?” Scrambling to get more than five feet away from him, you backed farther into the rock wall, jagged edges pressing into your back. “I don’t—do you seriously believe that I like you? That I’ll throw myself at you immediately once my friend’s out of the way? I can’t—I’m not gonna work like that. I don’t. I,” you said, jaw slack, “Why would you think that I’m automatically into you just because I’ve been told to be?”
“Hm,” he said lightly, somehow cockily, with a lift to his eyebrows, “I wouldn’t know.” The fucker pushed on his hands to heave his body out of the pool, water cascading down his stupidly defined chest and trim waist, and—you held up your hand to shield yourself from his dick, because you’re not giving him the satisfaction of seeming interested—but apparently, his cock’s not the focus, because he twisted himself around to sit on the edge of the water, legs dangling into it and broad back facing you, droplets trailing down between his shoulder blades and the swell of his ass.
You’re cursed with noticing things: his ass was even more aggravatingly round/firm than it was in the New Year’s shoot with Rumi even with the lower part smushed against stone, and it’s got freckles on it. Freckles only on the top part of his asscheeks, actually, as if he’s walked around naked in sunlight a good bit. Either way. You were frothing with abhorrence and frustration, brain needing to be scrubbed with a wire sponge. If you had known about this back in school, before soulmates were invoked, no one could’ve stopped you.
But since Uraraka’s been gushing about this man for almost a decade now, it made your stomach turn, quashing initial interest. You can’t just summon romantic impulses, with or without guilty feelings about wanting your friend’s boyfriend.
Steeling yourself, you said, “I don’t care that other people find you attractive. I’m not attracted to you.”
“Fascinating,” said Midoriya, and he tilted his head backwards to look at you, hair falling back from his face, “Showing my v-line usually worked on Uraraka.”
“I’m not Uraraka. You can’t expect me to fall for the same stuff as she—oh,” you said, and you slumped against the rock. “You really don’t know me. And I don’t know you.” You pressed your forehead against the wall, spreading wet grime on your skin. “I could—I could fall in love with any of my friends if the soulmate bond would let me, because I know them as individuals. Shinsou—Shinsou’s favourite character growing up was Sailor Mercury; he pets every cat he can and is horrible at making onigiri, but that doesn’t stop him from making it; he bikes and plays bass and can tie an excellent knot. Monoma’s the biggest theatre nerd I’ve ever met; he’s got an improv group that does performances at Nekozawa’s every month, and his love for Franco-Belgian comics and The Lord of the Rings is only surpassed by his obsession with gummy candy. Bakugou, that moron, plays the drums because his parents forced him into lessons, and he mountain climbs for fun; he goes to bed at 8:30 and can’t sleep with heavy blankets because he overheats in his sleep, and he’s the one who stole Kirishima’s crocs before prom and knows more about eyeliner than anyone else I know. You, though. Deku. Outside of hero work, outside of hero training, outside of what you’ve said about your heroic journey to the public, I know nothing about you. You let people know your thoughts about what you do, but you don’t let anyone know who you are. All we’ve got outside of hero work and hero admiration is that you like katsudon. I bet you don’t keep up with me, eith—”
“That’s enough.” Back towards you, Midoriya held up his hand, and after he cut you off, he used it to scratch his shoulder. Chest rising and falling, he leant back on his palms to gaze up at the waterfall surging downwards from the rockface.
His shoulders were shaking.
He’s laughing.
When Midoriya turned, he’d the same, hard glint in his eyes as when he’s in battle, when his body’s lit up in OFA lightning, sparking with every odd edge he touched, looking so, so alive. You haven’t thought he could look this way outside of a fight. Horribly entrancing, the way his eyes betray his anger while he’s still grinning to himself, shaking his head, and—and crawling the five feet towards you, dripping water, and you were pinned under his sharp glare, because otherwise—can you scoot back more? He’s so close that you might—
“I wouldn’t worry. We’ll know each other in time.” Trailing his last two fingers along your jawline, Midoriya turned your head to ensure you focused on him instead of the exit. He almost withdrew his wet-warm fingertips from the underside of your chin but thought better of it, instead lightly, barely, rubbing a water droplet into your lower lip. “Hm,” he said, running his tongue over his own, “My plans for you can wait. For now, I’ll do whatever it takes to win you over.”
Your heartrate had already spiked because of his shared body heat and that battle-ready look in his eyes, but the moment Midoriya leaned in, eyes half-lidded, your heart stopped.
(You can’t kiss him you can’t kiss him that’s your friend’s boyfriend you can’t you can’t—)
But his lips never touched yours—Midoriya diverted his lips at the last minute, and strangely, absurdly, dragged his mouth and face along your own, feeling his slight morning stubble scuff against you until he stopped by your ear, cheek pressed against yours (his fingers on your mouth dug into your lip, holding you still, despite your twitching to get away).
“Grant me permission. Please. I can be so, so good for you,” he said, hot breath striking your ear with each consonant, still pressed closely enough to feel his grin (its contrast with the fury in his voice made you lightheaded), “I can give you exactly what you need, and I give it so freely. So. Please. We may not know each other well, but I do know this: you alone own me. You alone hold me by the throat.” He nosed down the tense column of your neck, huffing through his nose when he pressed against your pulse point, and he fucking licked all the way up to your earlobe (the cold air swashing over his saliva). “If you’ll say the word,” he said, licking his bottom lip again, so close that you felt his tongue’s movement, “If you’ll let me, I’ll rip you apart. In any way you want.”
His little finger edged into your mouth and pressed down on the tip of a canine.
Shaken, you could only tug at his wrist to extract his hand, and once he’d let you remove it, you asked, “What the fuck kind of relationship did you have with Uraraka?”
Midoriya laughed again—but it’s a short, high-pitched burst, like the laughter you would’ve identified as his before. He shifted backwards to sit on his knees (don’t look at his lap; don’t look at his lap) and tilted his head with an easy smile. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
“Because I—this—” How is he the one with total confidence when he’s the one naked? “—this sort of—idea. The way you talk. This doesn’t—this doesn’t come from nowhere. I,” you said, covering your eyes with your hand, “Will you—will you allow me a moment to collect my thoughts?”
“Of course,” said Midoriya, and he—he backed away. Scooted back to the pool’s edge. Wrung out his washcloth. Gathered his things. Returned his legs to the water.
Didn’t put on any clothes.
“Okay,” you said after a minute, “I think I can—”
“Come sit by the water with me?”
“Uh,” you said, transfixed as the tendons in the back of his hands rippled as he flexed each of his fingers, “No. I’m fine where I am.”
He half-shrugged. “Suit yourself.”
“Right,” you said, swallowing with effort, “I, uh. In general, not just for our situation, but generally, you have to work for a relationship. You have to put in effort. I—it sounds like you’re trying to slip into one with me while acting the same as you did with Uraraka. That’s messed up. I’m not the same as Uraraka or anyone else you could’ve dated. You can’t replace one woman in your life with another. It may just be out of habit, since you dated her for so long, but, um. Yeah. You need to treat me like—like me.”
Midoriya hummed and brought his fist to his mouth, which moved silently for a few seconds as he formed the words, but eventually, he glanced over his shoulder to speak. “Then I’ll work for it. I’ll study you until I work my way under your skin, until I’m exactly what you want.”
It’s the arrogance in his words and the safety in the distance between you that made you roll your eyes, finally tearing them from your determined gaze at his face and settling on his dick, prettily resting half-hard on his thighs, but you refused to look at it for more than a few seconds: it’s a dick one of your best friends fucked for years.
(It’s also unnerving how he’s kept saying want instead of love.)
You held up your hand to block your view of him. “I want nothing to do with you.”
***
Perched on your hip, Dango yelled and kneaded with her claws out until you woke. Bleary, you automatically raised your hand to pet her.
You’d slept in. No field work today, just a meeting later about performance evaluations for your interns. You got to have a slow morning.
Now that you were awake and gradually becoming caffeinated, the stupider the situation grew. How audacious of Midoriya to assume you’ll like the same sort of things Uraraka likes—and sure, there’s overlap, but he’s assuming instead of figuring it out with you. You’re an individual. You can’t take anyone’s place, and no one can replace you. Honestly, it should be obvious to the number-one hero that you’re the only you out there. What an idiot.
The doorbell startled Dango from your lap. Setting your tea aside, you trudged over to see who’s crazy enough to visit at 8:36 in the morning.
You opened the door on some…kid, dressed in a worn suit, holding a tablet, and asking for your hero name, and after confirming you were you, he continued. “Hello. My name is Kazama Tetsuya, and I’m a representative of Mera Yokumiru, longest-running president of the Hero Public Safety Commission. I’m here in regards to the incident concerning pro-hero Deku at 07:41 hours this morning. Your cooperation is required. Sign here, please.”
Frowning, you took the offered tablet and stylus and slouched against your door frame. “What am I signing? How come there’s no text here?”
“Hm. They said they wanted this done as quickly as possible,” said Kazama, striding past you into your flat, and, with his hands on his hips, he took a cursory look around. “Twenty sounds like it should work.”
Tiny spheres of flesh popped off of him like gravel sliding off a shovel, and each one grew to an identical clone of himself, all of them rushing around your apartment.
“What’s going on?” you asked, shoving the tablet back towards whom you hoped was the original.
The Kazama tilted his head at you, keeping his hands flat against the tablet so that you would have to keep gripping it. “Have you not heard? Deku is in the hospital. Critical condition.”
“Okay, whatever,” you said, pushing it into his chest, slipping the corner of it under his suit lapel so that it’d stay, “What does that have to do with me? What’re all of these yous doing in my apartment?”
Kazama’s eyes flickered down to the tablet, which you were supporting with a single finger, but he made no move to grab it. “We’re packing your belongings. Due to your extreme and explicit rejection of your soulmate, Deku was unable to complete a mission. It took both Dynamight and Shouto to pin him down; his thrashing and convulsing inadvertently caused immense property damage. He was unable to be communicated with. The only reason he’s in a hospital at all is because Tainted Love was summoned to sedate him.”
You glared at the Kazamas wrapping your dishware in newspaper. “So why are you packing my stuff? Stop it.”
Kazama shook his head. “Afraid we can’t. The ultimate decision of the HPSC is that you cohabitate with Deku so that he will not experience debilitating pain again. This decision is under the stipulation of Tainted Love’s quirk that dictates that soulmate bond pain will desist if the soulmates show some form of acceptance to each other. By living in the same space, you are accepting that Deku is safe to be around in a physical capacity.”
You dropped the stylus and tablet to the floor, screen cracking. “What kind of—”
“His pain will be exacerbated if you don’t,” said Kazama, bending to pick up the tablet, “He wouldn’t be able to perform his hero work. You wouldn’t deprive Japan of its number-one hero, would you?” Kazama tucked the stylus into an inner suit pocket, and he held the broken tablet lazily at his side.
They were already unmounting your art from the walls.
Swallowing, you crossed your arms. “What about me? Am I not valued as a hero? Don’t I get a choice?”
From your bedroom, you heard Dango meowing mournfully.
***
Dressed in wrinkled civvies seized before Kazamas could pack them into a box, you stormed into your hero agency, grinding your teeth, ignoring co-workers calling out to you, and mashing the elevator button to go to the ninth floor over and over again.
You bounced on the balls of your feet in the empty elevator. When was the last time you passed out? You just might, at how worked up you’ve gotten. You placed two fingers over your wrist to take your pulse.
But the lift doors opened on a wonderfully busy ninth floor—wonderful because the woman you needed was in her office. Frazzled, you shoved open the door, palm flat on the glass, and managed to say, “Are you particularly busy right now?”
Ito set her package of cheese crackers on her desk. “Not for you. I was gonna call you when I knew you were awake,” she was saying as you shut the door behind you and approached her vacant armchair, “to let you have a bit more time, but it looks like you’ve heard.”
You plopped into the armchair across from her, tapping your fingers on the chintz. “What happened?”
“I could ask you the same question,” she said, closing her laptop, “Strongest instance of soulmate rejection I’ve ever seen.”
“Another time, Ito. What’s your involvement with this? The HPSC is packing up my apartment to move in with Deku as we speak.”
Ito winced. “Ooh, that quick? It hasn’t been three hours.”
You inhaled sharply. “That quick?Don’t tell me—”
“They called me in to subdue him, and the only way I could do that was by making him breathe in my quirk again.”
Groaning, you clonked your forehead on her desk. “I don’t want an increase in romantic clichés with Deku.”
“Sorry about that,” she said, holding out her cheese crackers to you, “Nothing else was working. He even instantly burst through Shouto’s ice veil.”
Shifting your jaw, you took a cracker. “Is three hours abnormally fast for the clichés to set in?”
“You know the answer to that.”
“Damn,” you said, chewing, “I’ve gotten so used to my life alone. I like it. I’m have control over my life. I love my friends; I love my work. I’ve gotten used to not needing romance to be happy, and now it’s—I don’t want it.”
‘With Deku or at all?”
“I don’t know. Probably both.”
“Well. Hate to remind you, but you can’t blame girl code entirely for not wanting him. You know how my quirk works: there had to have been a moment of genuine attraction between the two of—”
“I know; I can even pinpoint it back to the night I felt it,” you said, holding out your hand for another cracker, “I don’t know. I don’t know! They didn’t ask me before they started packing my shit up, claiming Deku’s pain was more important than my feelings. Don’t I matter, too? Why am I fodder in this quest to alleviate Deku’s pain? Am I not important?”
Ito handed the entire packet to you. “Not as important as the number one, evidently.”
“I don’t blame you, of course; we didn’t know each other back then,” you said, peeling back the plastic to expose the next cracker and accidentally letting all of them fall to the desktop, “But it’s stupid. I feel like I’m being forced into it from so many angles. The bond won’t letting me feel anything for anyone else. It’s dumb. I’m dumb. I’m tired.”
Ito frowned and steepled her fingers. “I need you to explain some of that. Soulmate bonds let you have feelings for other people. You don’t have to be in a romantic relationship with your soulmate, so long as you’re still in their life as a positive force—it’s just that pretty much every pair has ended up romantic, anyway. I’ve known of situations with soulmate pairs within a polycule, and stuff, so—interesting. This may be an aspect of your bond specifically. Have you tried really hard to like someone else?”
“I don’t even have the motivation to.”
“That could just be you, not the bond. You said you’re used to not having romance in your life.”
“I hope it’s me, then. Makes part of it of my own volition.” You scratched the back of your head, wishing you were still in bed and ignorant of the situation. “I haven’t seen you since the news dropped yesterday, so I’d like for you to assess what I know about the bond. Deku and I share dreams.”
“Common enough,” said Ito, nodding as she opened her desk’s top drawer, “Affects three percent of people affected by my quirk.”
“But I’ve read your reports. Most of them go to a single location, like an endless beach or the same cottage in a forest, with no one else around.” You tongued a cracker part to your cheek to enunciate more clearly. “Deku and I have been sharing an entire, fantastical world, populated with mirrors of people we know in real life.”
Ito paused as she gripped a new cracker packet. “That’s…new. New to me, anyway.”
Not a good sign. “Is there any way to stop having these dreams? I’m pissed my brain has to be turned on all of the time, and I don’t wanna see Deku every night.”
Ito fiddled with the plastic. Squinted at the ingredient list. “Not sure there’s a way to stop it on this end, but I’ll look into it. Why don’t you find the dream version of me to consult her?”
“Ito, you’re brilliant,” you said, pushing on her desk to stand, “I have a nap to take.”
You’d gotten to the door before she called your name. “Just so you know. The more you hate him, the worse his pain will get. I’m not telling you to love him. I never would. But.” Her expression glazed over; some of her thick, white hair fell into her face, and she made no move to brush it away. “It was terrifying. To see the number-one hero like that. My quirk was killing him. I like hearing men scream, but not like that. I don’t—I don’t want to hear that sound ever again.”
***
When you woke up in your fantasyland, the first thing you did was pelt Midoriya with your pillow.
“You are ruining my life at the moment,” you hissed between bites of breakfast.
In the waiting room of a diviner who was using All Might’s soul crystal to locate the altar, you shoulder-checked him. “Are we gonna be forced to combine agencies, too? Or am I gonna have to leave mine to join yours?”
Midoriya rubbed his shoulder, glancing over it at the others, discussing the map. “Legally, no, but I assume we’ll collaborate more.”
“Good. That’s my agency; I built it from scratch. I don’t want any other big decisions being made for me.”
During a water break out of the Valley of Haze, you knocked over his bag, furious with an abrupt realisation. “You were writing down my quirk.”
Midoriya hesitated before he took a drink from his canteen. “I’m sorry. When?”
“At the café when we first met here. You were writing down everyone’s quirks and how their types of magic matched up with them, and I threw you off because my magic isn’t like my quirk at all.”
Midoriya puffed out his cheeks, exhaling. “That’s true. You caught me.”
At Belldrop Pass, you gasped at the same time Shinsou paid the toll. “You idiot,” you said, thumping Midoriya’s chest, “You’ve been obvious that you weren’t thinking of Uraraka romantically. You’ve been calling her Uraraka instead of Ochaco.” You dug the heels of your palms into your eyes. “I should’ve known.”
When you stopped for a late supper outside of Mellowroom, you tried to be civil (Shinsou was watching). “Deku,” you said thickly, through a dinner roll, “I think we should find Ito here. She may be able to help with—our situation.”
Midoriya laughed nervously. “Hah, really? I guess it would be worth tracking her down again.”
You choked on your bread. “Again?”
Midoriya handed your glass to you and slumped in his seat to make the conversation private from the rest of the table. “She’s the one who told me about the soul altar. She’s not a soulwalker, but she’s the only other person I know of who has soul magic. I didn’t ask after soulmates that time because I didn’t think this was a soulmate situation.”
“I am going to crazy axe murder you.”
“Go ahead.”
You refused to talk to him all the way to the final strip of coastline where you set up camp. The group had travelled for so long that it took real effort to even unlace their boots, but you couldn’t sleep despite your exhaustion. Sleeping would mean waking up in reality.
You sat on the shore, antsy as you stared out at the sea, the thin crescent moon reflecting on the water. An island only visible in the spirit realm was supposed to be out there, and on that island, the soul altar.
You were getting too fidgety and jittery; you might work yourself up into a panic attack. Brushing the sand off your trousers, you stood, but when you turned, you bumped into Midoriya.
He shot you a curt wave. “Can’t sleep?”
You bit your lip. “Don’t want to.”
“Then you don’t have to,” he said, holding out his hand, “Let’s go to the spirit realm together. We can stake out what’s on the island before we go there officially tomorrow.”
You might as well give yourself something to do instead of overthinking. Ignoring his hand, you trudged back through the dunes towards the rest of your party, all passed out in a half-hearted attempt at setting up camp. While you intended to immediately take advantage of the homing spell the diviner placed on All Might’s soul crystal, Midoriya whispered across a sleeping Touya that you at least needed to unfurl your bedroll so that your soulless body would be secure enough to leave without a guard. Midoriya upset camp structure by dragging his own bedroll next to yours, and he set the crystal’s box on it so that it’d be there for you in the spirit realm, while you rummaged about for the dregs of the last time you made your lucidity potion. You took most of the last mouthful before passing the phial to Midoriya, and yet he was waiting for you in the spirit realm by the time you crawled out of your body.
You curled your tail around your little cat legs, and Midoriya followed the movement. “You know,” he said slowly, expression unreadable behind his mask, “You don’t have to be a cat. You can just apply a couple of cat traits to your human form, or you could do something so minor as changing your eye colour.”
“I’m not gonna be a fucking catgirl,” you said, leaping from your bedroll to his to avoid dirt on your paws.
“It’ll be faster to move around if you were bipedal.”
“Open the box,” you said, swatting at it with your paw.
“Hm. Do you think we’re within the radius for the homing spell to activate? We may have to return to the shoreline. Hey, don’t try to claw it open. That’s All Might you’re handling.” Midoriya popped open the box and moved to set it between you, but you had your grabby little paw on it before it was on the ground. Midoriya hissed and rushed to touch the crystal before you evaporated.
Less than a minute later, you materialised face-down in dirt. You curled your fingers into it, rubbing grit between them until you were tactile enough to stand, and you brushed the dirt from your dress, glancing over the half-kilometre of ocean between this island and the shoreline. If you squinted, you think you could make out your camp among the dunes.
“Thank you for cooperating,” came Midoriya’s voice from behind you, crunching dead leaves as he approached, “It’ll be easier this way.”
“I didn’t choose to look human,” you said, frowning over your exposed knees in some intangibly wispy dress, patting where your pockets had been, “You look different, too.”
Midoriya allowed you a better look at how both of your outfits clung to you in wisps, like they were curls of fog that could be swept away with a single breath. His mask was torn in half—mouth still concealed, hair still covered by rabbit-ears hood, but every movement of his eyes could now be detected—and, eerily, they were fixated on you.
He plucked a leaf from his vest to flick it away. “I didn’t choose to, either. Looks like the soul altar has some opinions on us.” His hood’s rabbit ears flickered a glowing green for a fraction of a second, both of them twitching. Midoriya didn’t notice.
Instead, he stretched his arms over his head, arching his back and looking over the curvature of an enormous tree’s limbs that shielded most of the island from moonlight. “Suppose we’d better head towards that tree, yes?” he asked, coming off of a groan.
“Seems to be the centre, anyway,” you said, striding past him towards a narrowly cut path, and behind you, Midoriya laughed. You spun on your heel and crossed your arms. “What’s so funny, Deku?”
He sobered, but his eyes still glinted. “I wasn’t going to say anything, since you didn’t seem to notice the glowing blue whiskers,” he said, waving his hand in front of his face, “but you’ve really been assigned catgirl by the spirit realm, it seems. You’ve got a tail.”
“What?” You twisted to see it, but you couldn’t discern anything at all.
“Nine of them, actually,” Midoriya was saying, smile creeping into his voice again, as you stomped towards him, “I considered you might be a kitsune at first, but then I remembered that cats are supposed to have nine lives—”
You seized his infuriatingly slim waist and forced him to spin around.
“Feel free to manhandle me more, sweet—”
“There,” you said, jabbing two fingers into his back above the swell of his ass, “You’ve been assigned bunny-boy. You’ve got a tail, too.” It’d twitched when you’d poked him. “Can you not feel it?”
“Not at all,” said Midoriya, hands raised, waiting for you to manoeuvre his body more (when you noticed, you shoved him away). “So, you can’t, either? Funny.”
“I’ll kill you,” you said, turning back to the path, “I’ll really do it this time.”
“Do you think that if we die here, we’ll die in real life?” he asked as he jogged to catch up with you. “Since it is really us who come here, if in spirit or soul rather than body, then do you think we’d…”
Midoriya babbled the entire walk to the soul altar, sucking out all the fun of threatening to murder him. At the centre of an overgrown, stone dais, the trunk of the grand tree was hollowed out by erosion, worn through by a spring running through it and pooling at its base, the clearest water you’ve ever seen burbling quietly underneath a smattering of lily pads. Glowing wildflowers crept onto the platform, and the tree’s branches grew downward, creating a cramped dome around the space.
Midoriya ran his hand over the domed branches, failing to push them from their structure. “I wouldn’t know if this is the altar. I’m assuming, since the stone dais indicates that someone built this, but—call me naïve, but I was picturing an altar.”
“No, I think it is,” you said, crouching near the water, “There’s a stone lily pad. At the centre of the spring. Is it just me, or does the way the flower’s formed look like it would hold a soul crystal?”
Midoriya knelt next to you on the rim. “It’s not just you.”
You stood and edged closer to the stone lily pad. “Do you think either of us could reach it?”
Brow furrowed, Midoriya said, “I don’t think we should touch—”
“That’s not what I asked.”
Midoriya brushed a curl out of his face at the same time his rabbit ears trembled. “It’s too far out for either of us to reach securely, but I could help—”
“Give me the soul crystal.” You braced your knees on the pool’s edge, and you stretched over the water, straining your arm until you were just a few inches short of the lily pad. You wriggled your fingers in an attempt to graze it. You waited for his admonishment, but it never came. Baffled, you glanced over your shoulder.
Midoriya stared into his lap, thumbs intertwining. “I don’t think so,” he said, shifting his jaw, “You’re tired and desperate for answers. You shouldn’t let All Might be the expendable part of this. We should go back to camp and try this for real in the morning.” His wide, hard eyes locked with yours, and for some reason, it was too much, the way the spirit realm made them glow with life more than they ever did in reality. “You need to listen to—”
Losing your balance by jerking away from his glare, you fumbled for support on the stone lily pad, but you closed your fist around nothing but water and slipped. For three, aching seconds, freezing water pierced through to your soul, but Midoriya snatched you from the water before your brain could register you’d fallen in.
“You’re okay; you’re okay. Relax,” Midoriya was saying, clutching you to his chest to share his body heat, while you shivered and writhed despite his hands on your waist and your forehead (probably to keep from banging your head on the dais), “Really, sweetheart, when I tell you not to do something, it’s for your own good.”
“Don’t sta—start that with me,” you said, sputtering, “I’ll kill—”
“Wait, shh, shh, shh.” Midoriya clamped a hand over your mouth, and you were about to rip it away, but with a minute move of his hand, he directed your line of sight to what he was talking about.
The stone lily pad sank into the pool, furiously bubbling from the spot, spreading to cover the pool’s surface, the sound of rippling water growing each second.
Gasping, your hand flew to a suddenly hot spot on your lower back, and—even through your closed eyelids, you could make out the intensely blue glow, surging brighter and brighter. Midoriya pushed down on your back, keeping you between his legs but with enough space for—you could see them, this time—for your tails to splinter off and dive into the pool, heat leaving with them.
As you struggled to sit back up (Midoriya helped you up by wrapping an arm around your shoulders), wide swaths of angrily frothing bubbles surged from each tail’s entry point, each glowing in turn as you tried to catch a glimpse of the surfacing images—
***
“No, c’mon—sit all the way down,” Katsuki was saying, and you flinched when you looked down to see that he was gripping your thighs, forcing them apart, with the lower half of his face glistening in the lamplight. “There’s no way the bond won’t extend this far; it applied to your gag reflex. You won’t hurt me—and besides, I can handle you any day of the week with my hands tied behind my back.”
***
You flinched at the pop of a cork, planted in a crowd of your friends at a formal celebration and gripping an empty glass, and at your side, Neito let the champagne foam gush onto the floor, laughing as your friends applauded. You could see the moment the idea crossed his mind: he swopped the bottle to his clean hand, and, with a smug grin, he held his champagne-soaked fingers to your mouth, in front of everybody.
***
Shouto seized you from the party and onto a battlefield covered in smoke, his whole hand encircling your forearm, and after he gave you a once-over, he slid his hand down to yours, his wedding band hot from his flames.
“Don’t worry,” Shouto said, clasping your hand and easing his own to a comfortable warmth, gesturing with the other towards the bleeding scratches on his face and neck, “I can’t feel a thing.”
***
“I wish Eri and Tenko had come to the farmers’ market with us,” you found yourself saying, putting an apple back in its stall, “Then I’d have a better idea of what they might want over the holiday.”
“I wish you’d think more about what you want.” Shouta’s voice grumbled in your ear, body heat blending with yours as his hand came to rest on your waist. “I’m glad they didn’t come. Between them, our friends, and our students, I need all the time with you I can get.”
When he brought your hand to his mouth, Shouta left a glittering, pink mark behind.
***
You were still staring at the back of your hand when you were slammed into a darkened room, sinking into a mattress with tears running down your cheeks.
“I—I love you; I’ve loved you for so long,” came Hitoshi’s voice, his own tears dropping onto your neck as he kissed your pulse point, the barest edge of his fingers brushing over your bare skin, pressing lightly into the underside of your breast, “I was terrified that I’d never be allowed to look your way.” His hips shifted between your legs, one of his large hands dragging upwards along the inside of your thigh. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”
***
“To get what you want, Touya,” you heard yourself saying into your phone, feeling yourself physically sitting on a kitchen stool but seeing things through Touya’s eyes, seeing his hands run down his bare chest, thumbs pricking at his boxers, “You have to tell me how pretty you look right now.”
Touya’s hands faltered, clenching into fists. “Hey, fuck you. Why don’t you come back home, then, instead of leaving me by myself? I get so worked up when you’re not—”
“Say it, baby.”
Touya slid his hand past elastic to squeeze himself, cutting off his groan with a breathy inhale, the tiny hole in his cheek whistling. “I guess I’m—”
***
You’re blinded by falling cherry blossoms. You had to blink to adjust. Tenko was at your side, dressed in a mirror of your own pink yukata, and he was yanking you off the sakura-viewing path, out of the way of the scavenger hunters rushing to find the next clue. Tenko pushed you against a tree out of sight, smile toothy and endearing in the moment before he kissed you, quiet but all-consuming and fervent.
***
Your soul thumped back into your body with enough force to knock Midoriya backwards with you, and once again, you were soaked and shivering and miserable, instead of feeling all of that warmth. It took a few moments for its dregs to drain from your chest, and then the cavity it left was simply hollow.
Midoriya had his arms around your torso and legs clenched around yours, bracing you from falling back farther on the dais, and his voice came quietly. “Is that it? Aren’t there any more?”
You tried to inhale. Your nose was stopped up. “Aren’t those enough?”
Midoriya’s grip loosened, arms falling to your waist—enough room to leave, if you had the strength. Once he pulled his mask down to rest around his neck, his voice was less muffled. “You—you still have two more left.”
Grimacing, you wiped your nose on your wispy sleeve. “What?”
From behind you came another bright blue glow, but it didn’t plunge into the water on impulse like the others had. Instead, the cattail detached itself and wove itself around your wrist playfully, nudging what might be its head at your palm. For barely a full second, you felt that warmth again, and again you felt its loss when the tail unravelled itself from your forearm and wafted towards the stone lily pad, in which it curled into a gossamer sphere and vanished.
You held your wrist to your mouth in a vain hope to trace that warmth. “I think that may have been a life in which I don’t have a soulmate. Or perhaps all of them.”
Midoriya nodded against the crown of your head, and he reached around to grasp your forearm, drawing it away from your face to examine it himself. “One of them is sticking around. I supposed we can assume what that one is.”
“Deku,” you said, as he twisted your forearm to get a better look, while you were baffled why the pool was growing blurry, “All of those people I was soulmates with, in different lifetimes—I.” You cut yourself off, plucking your wet dress away from your skin. “They were the only people we know who weren’t affected by Ito’s quirk. What if—what if I’m the reason they don’t have a soulmate? What if I’m supposed to be their soulmate, but we can’t be paired off in this timeline because of you and me, and so their lives are colourless—”
Midoriya kissed your wrist, in the same spot you had.
Ah. The pool was blurry because you’re crying. You’re so wet that you hadn’t noticed.
You turned around in his hold, fingers curling into the damp spot on his shirt. “I’ve fucked our friends over, Deku. I’ve ruined their lives. They’re gonna have to watch everyone else they know, including you and me, dawdle in this sappy fucking soulmate shit forever, and they’re always gonna feel—” You slapped a fist to your chest. “They’re gonna feel this hollowness for the rest of their lives—I just had a taste of what that soulmate warmth feels like, and even in those flashes, it made its home in my gut, and I don’t know how I’m gonna live without that now that it’s touched me.” You grabbed his shirt again, a bit too roughly, forcing his ass down a stair on the dais. “I’d chase that feeling until the end of time if I knew it was snatched from me.”
Eyes darting between your face and hands, Midoriya closed his hand around your fist and pried it away from his shirt. “You can have that warmth again with me.”
“I don’t fucking care about you right now,” you said, beating his chest and pushing him down another step, “I care about my friends, whom I love. And apparently people I didn’t even know were important to me. They’re gonna wander the earth alone, and no one should have to do that. Fuck.” You shoved him away, crawled a few steps up the dais, stooped on the edge of the water, and buried your face in your hands. “How can I fix this?”
“You don’t have to,” Midoriya was saying, splayed out as you’d left him at the bottom of the stairs (hands held up cautiously, as if he’s taming a wild animal—and you resented that). “It’s not your responsibility. It’s just another aspect of the soulmate trope quirk. No part of this is your fault.”
“Why is there only one of me,” you asked flatly, dragging your clammy palms down your cheeks.
Midoriya hissed through his teeth, the wisps of his shirt collar dissipating and reforming with the movement. “You don’t know that they’re suffering. You know they’d complain—”
“You don’t let anyone know when there’s shit going on with you.”
He paused, brow furrowing. “That’s different.”
“Please. Promoting all this bullshit about supporting each other when you keep everyone locked out—in those brief flashes, I felt closer to each and every one of them than I ever have to you.” A full-body shiver wracked through you. You toyed with the hem of your dress, but you can’t take it off; he’s right there. “Hell, I barely had ten seconds with each of them, but I know that I’d take any of them over being here with you.”
“You haven’t given me a chance.”
“Why would I, when you’ve been scarily opportunistic? I—fuck,” you said, tugging at your hair and standing to pace, “I could’ve had anything. Could’ve had everything. Could’ve been content and happy and warm, but instead I have to be here. With you, instead of any of those men who know how to love me, and I them. I’ve fucked them over.”
Midoriya took a moment. Wetted his lips. Moved to a crouch. “Please listen to me. Not one iota of this is your fault. It’s just a pattern that’s been made clear to us because of this fantastical situation we’ve found ourselves in. In our reality, when we’re awake, you have one soulmate. You have no bonds with the others. You’re not their soulmate. You’re mine. And I’m yo—”
“Oh, get over yourself,” you said, clomping down the dais and shunting your foot against his chest, pinning him to the ground (the back of your head said that he was letting you do that, since he could rip you to shreds at any shut the fuck up). “This isn’t about romance, shithead. This is about losing a primary relationship that helps them grow as human people. What if I’m the catalyst for a bunch of character development, and they don’t get that now? Use your fucking brain, Deku. I want my friends to be the best versions of themselves that they can…they…”
Your mouth clamped shut. He’d gotten that determined gleam in his eyes again, staring up at you, practically sparking slivers of that OFA lightning, and he’d snaked his hand around your ankle.
Your brain emptied when his thumb rubbed over the bone on the inside of your ankle.
“I don’t think that’s quite true.” He was suppressing it. He was. But he couldn’t entirely hide the upwards quirking of his mouth when he spoke. “How much of this petulance is because it’s me?”
Intending to huff, your stopped-up nose made you hrnk stupidly instead. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you said, lifting your foot’s pressure from his chest.
But Midoriya tightened his grip around your ankle, trapping it against him, no matter how hard you struggled. “You don’t want to inconvenience anyone. You think that living in another timeline wouldn’t’ve upset the status quo here. Here, you appear to inconvenience many people—Uraraka and me, the people who have certain perceptions of us. The ones who aren’t your soulmate. You think you’ll even upset the balance of your friend group, because no one has dated another friend’s ex before. You don’t want this, because there’s no easy way out. It’s too much trouble.”
His hood’s rabbit ears sparked green and shuddered before fading, reminding you of all the trouble Midoriya’s been for you for the past few months. You tried to jerk your foot away, not caring if your shoe came off, but he caught the back of your knee with his other hand and yanked you down towards him. You hated how he’d perfectly set up your fall, straddling his chest without hurting either of you. Securing you to him by your knee, he’d relinquished his hold on your ankle to intertwine his fingers with yours—if he hadn’t, you’d be choking him by now.
“You don’t want to rock the boat, because it’ll be hard. Well, let me tell you something,” he said, curls splayed around his head, flat on the earth, concentrating all of that resolve and brainpower on you (as if you were someone worth watching), “Life is hard, my dear. But isn’t it worthwhile to try?”
“I can’t take this.” You blundered behind you for the velvet box clipped to his belt, and the instant you touched the soul crystal, you beamed back to your body at camp.
Gasping, you bolted upright, throat very dry, eyes adjusting to the physical realm’s moonlight—startling Shinsou, quietly puttering about to heat up some coffee while the others still slept. Over his shoulder, out over the ocean, the island was gone, and Shinsou was tilting his head, opening to mouth to ask what had happened, when Midoriya returned to his body as well.
Face red with fury and still soaked to the bone, Midoriya spat, “You can’t just run from all of—”
You scrambled away when he grabbed for you, throwing yourself over your bags and Shinsou’s as a barrier, and at the fire, you clutched Shinsou’s arm.
Midoriya remained in his hunch from when he’d tried to catch you, fist digging into the dirt. The heaviness of his shoulders rising and falling would have been more intimidating if his nose hadn’t been whistling, but you didn’t like it, the way he was looking at you, because that was the look he only ever gave villai—well. You could work with that.
Jumbled and scared and angry, you grabbed Shinsou by his kinky, medieval collar and kissed him, because if Midoriya’s going to look at you like a villain, you’d like to deserve it, especially since he doesn’t seem to want to blame you for any of this, not even that your soul’s evidently compatible with other people (and wouldn’t he want you all to himself?), and Shinsou made some sort of squeak that turned into a quiet grunt at the back of his throat before opening his mouth; you needed to push Midoriya away, because even if you let yourself like him, what if you screw up this soulmate in addition to all the others, and then what percentage of your friends will you have fucked up? Shinsou’s actually really good at this, wow, but shouldn’t Midoriya be jealous about that why is he letting this go on for so long.
Stones sinking into your gut, you broke from Shinsou, pressing your forehead to his, mouthing thank you, and giving his hair a final ruffle before pulling away entirely. Shinsou remained frozen in his campseat, but Midoriya had crossed his arms, looking out over the ocean and quite bored.
Your heartbeat thundered in your ears, on your tongue, and on the roof of your mouth. He’d been so vehement, so intense, and this quiet stoicism made your breath hitch in your throat. Isn’t he—isn’t he going to say anything? Rebuke you?
When Shinsou asked something along those lines, all Midoriya did was wipe some of the dirt off of his jawline and rub it between his fingers. “She knows what she’s doing wrong.”
***
You woke up for the first time in Midoriya’s apartment, sick to your stomach, and seeing all of your worldly possessions in boxes against the wall of his guest room, creating claustrophobia, did not help. Even the sheets that fell to your waist when you sat up weren’t yours; the only stuff you’d unpacked last night was Dango’s bare requirements. Where is she, anyway? You needed to press your face into her belly fluff.
Hoping Dango damaged some of Midoriya’s tchotchkes in the night, you stumbled to the bathroom and knelt by the toilet, waiting for the nausea to pass. God, you really did kiss Shinsou to piss off Midoriya, didn’t you? Your stomach flipped at the thought of using your best friend for something like that, especially since—you winced, resting your forehead against the bathtub rim—since Shinsou might like you romantically.
Fuck, all of them might.
You doubted it, because you normally don’t have that sort of luck, but regardless, you hoped to God they didn’t. You couldn’t stand the thought of their feeling that hollowness.
Would dream Shinsou be mad at you for using him? You didn’t want him to be mad. He’s Shinsou. Checking in with the real Shinsou about it would get you out of this apartment. It’s still incredible early in the morning; you weren’t even sure the sun had risen yet, but you needed to escape. Eyeing the new toothbrush Midoriya had given you last night, you pushed yourself up, still a bit wobbly, and got ready as quietly as you could.
All your sneaking didn’t matter, though, because a shirtless Midoriya was in the kitchen when you passed through it, popping above the maximum dose of ibuprofen into his mouth, slumping over the counter, and mumbling under his breath to the sound of his electric kettle boiling. Maybe you could just slip behind him, and he wouldn’t say anyth—
“It’s good to see you up,” said Midoriya, keeping his back to you and removing his kettle from the heat (you winced, shoulders slackening now that you’ve been caught), “I figured you would stay in bed today. You went through a lot last night.”
“I have work,” you said, trying to look anywhere but his tensing biceps as he poured water over a teabag in an Ingenium mug, “I—I don’t wanna sit around and have time to think.”
“You and I could call out of work. Could unpack your things,” he said, facing you and fiddling with the string on his teabag, “Would you like some tea? I have more than just oolong.”
You started edging towards the door. “No, I’m. I’m going to work.”
Midoriya blinked. Glanced at the clock on the wall. “All right. Wear your raincoat; it’s supposed to storm around sunrise.”
Was it? “I don’t know where Kazama packed my raincoat.”
“Take mine, then. In the closet by the door.”
“Don’t tell me what to do,” you said, spinning on your heel towards the closet, anyway. You couldn’t get to most of your packed-away clothes, so it made sense to protect the few articles of clothing you had access to.
Midoriya followed a few paces behind, bobbing the teabag in his mug. “Don’t get angry with me for looking out for you,” he said, blinking slowly, leaning against the wall while you rooted through his hanging jackets, “Would you prefer I let you suffer? Oh, you passed it. It’s the green one.”
“How is your suffering, incidentally?” You pulled his raincoat off the hanger and shoved your arms into the sleeves. “Need another trip to the hospital?”
“Would it betray my otherwise calm exterior if I revealed that I’m barely holding it together?” He grasped your shoulder and turned you towards himself in what should have been akin to manhandling but was actually gentle. “I’ll be okay. It’s better now that you’re here,” said Midoriya, zipping up the jacket for you, holding eye contact once the zipper stopped at your throat.
What. The fuck. Is he going to keep pulling these mundane (but weirdly doing it for you) moves? “Then allow me to leave,” you said, reaching for the doorknob.
***
“Hitoshi,” you said, deeming it deep enough in your visit to mention it, “I have a hypothetical question for you.”
Shinsou unlaced his boot to make a tighter attempt. “Try me.”
“Hypothetically. Hypothetically. If—if you and I knew each other in a different universe, if we’re still the same people adapted for a different world—hypothetically. Would—” You swallowed thickly, and you took a sip from your takeaway cup, full of the bleak-in-taste but high-in-caffeine coffee perpetually available in the break room at Might Tower. “Hypothetically, if I—fuck. Okay. If I kissed you, to prove a point, to piss someone else off, to make someone else jealous—hypothetically, would that version of you be mad at me? Start to hate me?”
With a wry smile, Shinsou paused in his cleaning the inside of his mask, dabbing the interstices with an alcohol wipe. “If he’s truly anything like me,” he said, reaching over to ruffle your hair, “he’s grateful for anything you’ll give him. For any reason.”
You didn’t bother to bat away his hand like usual, and without your protestations, he returned to his mask. “You’re breaking my heart, Hitoshi.”
“That makes two of us.”
***
The train ride to Bakugou’s agency had you vibrating out of your skin. You didn’t even flash your ID at the front desk of Genius Offices; the elevator couldn’t rise fast enough to the floor with Bakugou’s office—you had to see him to test if a-fucking-nother of your friends had feelings for you, if your fears of ruining their lives were well-founded. Employees let your through because of your hero status but also because of the intensely manic energy you emitted, and the path to Bakugou’s office cleared the first step you took out of the elevator.
When you slammed open his door, the knob struck the wall, flecking off paint, and your heart stopped: yes, Bakugou was taking up as much space as he could in his swivel chair, wrists draped over the chair’s arms, legs splayed, one of them kicked up on his desk, but Midoriya stood across from him, in civvies still wet from the rain, halted mid-pace, lips still parted. You couldn’t let his presence change anything; you had to—well, you’ll have to expediate the conversation since he’s here.
Supressing panic, you strode towards Bakugou, determinedly ignored Midoriya, and straddled Bakugou’s thigh to cup his face to kiss him. Damn, Bakugou—he immediately opened his mouth, hot and consuming and a little dizzying in the way his tongue pushed into your mouth, pressing against yours—that’s enough.
You broke from Bakugou, panting. “Katsuki,” you said softly, feeling Midoriya’s gaze bore into the back of your head, “Do you have feelings for me?”
“Hahh.” Bakugou’s grip slid from your waist along the curve of your hip, fingers digging into your skin for three seconds—his eyes darting over your shoulder and back to your lips. “I, uh. Never planned on discussing them in front of Izuku. Wasn’t gonna bring them up at all, with the news two days ago that you two are soulma—”
“Oh, God.” You stumbled off of Bakugou’s lap and onto the floor, hitting your head on his desk as you threw up on his fancy carpet.
You were vaguely aware of being shuffled to the in-house infirmary and getting treated for a concussion, with employees trafficking in and out of the infirmary, and your first coherent thought, however much time later, was that it was making you nauseous how gently Midoriya cradled your hand in his when he could snap every bone in it without trying. He was talking to the doctor and Bakugou in turn in that low, firm voice, but words escaped you, only absorbing Bakugou’s subdued frustration and Midoriya’s quiet decisiveness.
You snapped back into it when Todoroki walked in—did he feel the same as Shinsou and Bakugou?—and you seized up, clutching Midoriya’s hand to your chest, teeth digging into the inside of your cheek. “I’ve ruined their lives,” you said under your breath to Midoriya, flinching when his free hand came up to stroke your back, but the gesture grounded you.
“You haven’t,” he whispered back, angling your body towards his so that your voice wouldn’t carry (in your periphery, Bakugou had the decency to thump Todoroki’s arm to pull his attention from your conversation).
“I checked with Shinsou,” you said in a rush, “and now we know Bakugou does, too. I’m so fucking scared to ask anyone else—”
“Don’t do it,” said Midoriya, squeezing your hand, “Knowing won’t make you feel any better. It’s gonna be fine. You had no control over this. No one will blame you for anything.”
“I’m scared.”
“You’ll be okay. I’m not gonna let anyone hurt you. Though, you’ve already hurt yourself a fair amount on Bakugou’s desk—you don’t have a concussion; don’t worry too much.” His middle and ring fingers traced down your spine. “But since you’ve thrown up, why don’t we go home?”
“If we go home, I’ll fall asleep,” you said, tasting blood from how much you’ve bitten your cheek, “and I can’t handle that right now. I need to just stop; I don’t wanna be here or there.”
“All right.” Midoriya nodded, tapping his thumb on the back of your palm with a squeeze to your interlaced fingers. “We’ll see what we can do. Even if you do fall asleep, I’ll make sure none of our party bothers you, if you want.”
“Yeah.” You mirrored his nod, frazzled and jumpy and not quite there, but his hand on your back kept you from dissolving into nothing.
“Listen. I’ll pick up takeaway from somewhere and meet you at home. You have a preferred place? Type of food?”
Your tongue took up too much space in your mouth. But your body needed food, even if you didn’t feel like eating. “Would it be too much trouble to stop by Saizeriya?”
“None at all. Text me your order. You go home and find Dango; pet her until I get back. She was under my bed last time I saw her.” After a moment of wavering, Midoriya pressed his lips to your hairline.
***
You did not return to Midoriya’s flat. Tucking his raincoat closer around you, you topped off your rental car’s gas tank on your way out of town, standing as far away from the dripline of the overhang but getting splashed along your jeans, anyway.
You had no goal. Just wanted distance. Driving in the rain was grounding today, for some reason, and something as horribly modern as driving and traffic laws only existed in this universe, therefore very far from your dreamland.
But you had to sleep eventually, and though dread flooded you, you pulled into a roadside station outside of Kikugawa, got a drink from a vending machine, and kept your phone off, despite the urge to doomscroll. The missed calls and text notifications would corrode your gut, and who knows what sort of tracking services Midoriya might be able to enact?
You watched raindrops race each other down the windshield until your eyes couldn’t stay open, and then you tugged the raincoat’s hood over your eyes to block out the lightning.
***
You could hear Monoma and Touya talking in the distant dunes when you woke. No sign of Shinsou or Midoriya in camp, but you could never be too careful.
You slipped into the spirit realm without anyone realising you’d been awake, and you flipped over to face the soul crystal’s box peeking out of Midoriya’s rucksack. Sitting up out of your body, you pinched your nose, reluctantly humanoid but conceding to its convenience, and took what felt like your first breath all day. Your hand passed through the soul crystal’s box at first—normal for handling a physical object in the spirit realm, so you concentrated on focusing your energy into your fingers.
You had to get to the altar. You weren’t sure how you were going to do it, but you were going to fix this. It had to be this you, not any of the others who neither knew about everyone else nor accessed soul magic. At the soul altar, you would somehow split yourself for everyone to have you—and that may destroy you in this timeline; you didn’t know—but you had to try something—fuck, only the edges of your thumbs were physically manifesting—but something very, very solid closed around your wrist and knocked away the velvet box: Midoriya’s hand.
He caught both of your hands with such speed that he was on top of you before you could register the touch of his thumb and ring finger.
(But—and this was fucking weird—Midoriya wasn’t using his body to dominate you sexually like you’d expect, through a typical move like pinning your arms down and straddling you, a knee between your legs, but instead he’s—he’s completely flattened himself to hold you down, like a weighted blanket. He brought one of your hands between your chests, over his heart, and he propped himself up very slightly by his other elbow, still restraining your hand, and you loathed how it was because he was being considerate, angling his head away from your neck so that his breath wouldn’t wash down it. The chill of the spirit realm made you almost wish he would. But he’s clever, annoyingly clever, and still so kind—he’s got you pinned without room for movement, but nothing hurt. Of course your enemy had to be the most observant and adept piece of shit you’ve ever met.)
Midoriya remained silent for two, long minutes while you stared up past green wisps of hair into the colourless, overcast sky.
“Please don’t do anything drastic to yourself.” He was close enough to hear his swallow. “You don’t need to fix anything. They chose to have romantic feelings for you. You didn’t make them do anything. This happened to you outside of your control. However they deal with their feelings is on them. Other versions of us have all managed. We’re just not at that stage of our lives yet.
“And I think you may be afraid that being with me may narrow your happiness and the happiness of others, and I—I think I’ve made that worse by allowing you glimpses of how I was with Uraraka, but we were fine; she encouraged me to let her give up that control, but you’re right. She and I talked about that. You and I haven’t, and I fall back into comfortable behaviour because it’s the only love I’ve ever known. But if you wanted something romantic between us, it would in no way consume your other relationships. If you like, we could work to foster whatever you want with—with people who are your soulmates elsewhere. No romance is worth cutting yourself off from everyone else. Whatever you want, I’ll do. I’ll be whatever you want me to be.”
You writhed underneath him, saliva building on your tongue. You didn’t have exact words for your feelings, but you should start somewhere. “I wouldn’t expect you to be anything other than yourself. Don’t change yourself for me.”
Out of your periphery, you caught his incredulous expression. “I know I will in thousands of small ways, in how much tea I brew, in how loudly I play my music, in how often I leave the lights on. It’s natural to change, and I’ll gladly do it. I’ll still be me, at the end of it. And, if I may—” He wetted his lips. “—I would venture that the same’s already happened to you. There’s a reason why this you, over any of the others, is here, right now, with me. The choices you’ve made, all the changes and tweaks to yourself that have led to your current personality, have made you perfect to be here, instead of any of the other timelines. This version of you may be too introverted to be with Bakugou or too indirect for Todoroki—I don’t know. But our souls are made for each other, for the right here and right now, and I’d like to know why. The only way I can learn is with you. If you don’t want to, that’s fine, too. But I think—I think we could be good for each other.”
You scoffed, with Midoriya lifting his head to search your face. “Come off of it, Midoriya. I’ve been nothing but hostile towards you. You can’t actually believe that.”
“I do.” He lifted himself enough to look you in the eye, taking some of his weight off of your chest (and your boobs finally weren’t smushed). “I’ve known you tangentially for years, and I’ve known you directly for almost two months now.”
“I didn’t know you were real—”
“But I was, and I was being myself the whole time. Were you?”
Where’s he going with this? “Yes.”
“The you I’ve been getting to know is funny and determined and amiable. She’s quick on her feet and eager to solve problems and cares so, so deeply for other people. And, moreover,” Midoriya said, green eyelashes dark against his skin, “she seems very protective of her heart. I understand your caution; I used to—oh, gracious.”
He released the hand at your side to rub his eye, and he removed himself from your entirely to kneel at your side. You were cold without him.
Midoriya gripped his knees, changed his mind, and went back to rubbing his eye. “Lately, I’ve been really into soft cheeses.”
Sitting up, you crossed your arms, your wispy clothes doing nothing to obstruct the chill. “I’m sorry?”
“I can hardly expect you to let me into your heart when I’ve been absent from mine. You’re right, of course, that I don’t tell people about myself,” said Midoriya, shrugging and slumping afterwards, “My whole life for so long was becoming a hero, so I admit I didn’t have many interests outside of that obsession. Now, being a gregarious but blank slate encourages people to project whatever they need to onto me so that they’ll let me help them. The detail of liking katsudon is minor enough to ground me in reality, reminds the public I’m human. I…”
Grimacing, Midoriya ran his fingers through his hair, pushing it out of his face. “I’ve grown. I’m more than minutiae; I’m more than my actions. I’m still figuring it out myself. But learning, us, together—starts with details from both of us. So, lately, I’ve been into soft cheeses, but my favourite brie and mozzarella are only offered at this farmers’ market just outside of town that only pops up once a month. I don’t always have the date right, so I’ve made the journey only to show up to an empty market more than once. And I don’t know if you’ve been to the kitchen yet, but I usually keep a puzzle going. Right now, I’m doing this 1500-piece puzzle of a red-eyed tree frog on a leaf, and all of the green is making it particularly difficult. I’d love for you to join, and—and I’ve tried to make myself like coffee, but it’s never meshed for me. I always take my tea with sugar instead of milk, which makes me feel like I take it wrong. Don’t most people take it with milk, no sugar?”
You smiled. It’s good to hear the familiar rambling. “I can’t say I’ve thought about it much. I…” You brought your knees to your chest, hugging them and shivering. If he could try to open up, you could, too. “Something a bit similar is going on at work right now. Before all of our soulmate stuff, the biggest drama had to do with the break room coffee creamer. We ran out, and Mina asked Yaoyorozu to make some. She did, but suddenly, there was a debate about whether or not it was creepy to drink something from Yao’s body.”
Midoriya dropped his hand into his lap and managed a small smile. “I don’t think I’d drink that.”
“Yeah, and there were a lot of weird takes, comparing it to breast milk, and stuff. Ultimately, Mina didn’t have coffee at all that morning.”
“Probably for the best,” said Midoriya, glancing off towards the ocean, where the island waited in the distant fog, “I put your Saizeriya’s in the refrigerator. Have you eaten, wherever you are?”
Fidgeting, you moved to bite the inside of your cheek but stopped yourself; the skin smarted on this side of reality, too. “I’m fine. I got something from a vending machine.”
Midoriya frowned. “That’s not a meal. Where are you?”
“I’m…at a rest stop outside of Kikugawa.”
His head snapped towards you. “Kikugawa? What are you—” He winced, ducking his head. “You’re scared of me.”
“I feel better now that we’ve talked,” you said, “I—it’s complicated. My main road block is knowing that I’m tied up with some of our friends in other universes—but I think you’re right; there’s nothing I can do about it. So, I’ll get over that, eventually, hopefully, but I know it’s going to haunt me for a long time. I’ll be fine about that in time. The other road block is, uh.” You couldn’t finish. It was almost too childish to voice.
Midoriya sighed. “Do you want to arrange a meeting with Uraraka in which she gives you her blessing?”
“She already has,” you said, resting your chin on your knee, “Through text, though. Might be better if we talked face-to-face.”
“Right. It will also be beneficial for you to meet her real soulmate, Spike. The difference between how she behaved with me compared to Spike is immense. What else is in the way?”
You sucked in through your teeth. “You know how the Class A girls have a group text?”
“The one left over from Girls and Todoroki Nights?”
“Eh, no. This is a separate one without Todoroki or Shinsou; it’s only women. Okay, so, uh. Uraraka,” you said, hesitant on how to phrase it, “never directly said anything about the, uh, nature of your relationship—never said anything about whatever imbalanced power dynamic you had going on. But she would talk about, like.” God, you can’t look at him. You squared your jaw and said hastily, “She would tell us about your dick and how well you fucked her and sometimes when you would do hot or cute things in bed; like we all found out about how you came in your pants the first time you fingered her, and how your cock is really leaky and you have special fabric underwear to absorb it, and how you eat pussy like you’re making out with it, and—”
(And again, Midoriya surprised you, because instead of turning bright red and sputtering something about not needing to hear any more, he pinched his lower lip, tongue tapping the point of a canine, and said—)
“Do you believe any of it?”
You halted mid-sentence, mouth still shaped like your next word. You closed it before it could dry out. “I do, now.”
“I see. I should’ve expected she’d share details about our sex life; she’s into exhibitionism, and sharing details in a group text is nowhere nearly as exhibitionist as the punishments she wanted me to enact,” he said, as if he weren’t dragging both himself and your friend under, “I’m sorry for my earlier behaviour, especially at the waterfall. You’re right that I was letting myself continue a habit. I should’ve asked what you wanted. Do you…” He pressed his fist to his mouth and looked away, jaw clamped shut to prevent talking aloud.
If you said it out loud, you made it real. You’ve already done your best to squash it down, but—you guessed—Midoriya deserved fair play. “Some of what you did was attractive, but since we hadn’t talked about it, I was scared. I still am, because—well, we’re going to work out the other lives stuff together—but I’m still feeling scared and guilty because you’re my friend’s ex. I know this is only an issue because I’m too trapped in my own head, and I am by no means slut-shaming, or anything, but—I don’t know. I’m scared that every time I touch you that I’ll be comparing myself to Uraraka and if she—did it better, or something. It’s a worry because I know her extremely well, not because there’s been someone with you before me. I know this is ridiculous—”
“All the more reason for you to leave your own mark on me,” Midoriya said, and he removed his cape to wrap it around your trembling shoulders, fixing the clasp around your neck. “Noticed you were cold,” he said with a quick smile, “But if, in any way, it unnerves you that someone you know has touched me, shouldn’t you replace them with your own? How much time should I set aside?”
“What?” You pulled the cape more closely around you, twisting its surprisingly heavy fabric to cover your lap. “Are you—what happened to the Midoriya I knew in school?”
“I’m still him. Every bit.” He toyed with the corner edge of the cape, rubbing it between his fingers. “Listen. If you detach you and me from the situation, from the relationships with our friends, from any context whatsoever, what would you want? Would you want anything from me? Would you want me?”
When he flipped the cape’s corner into your lap and removed his hand, you were tempted to grab hold of it. “I could,” you said, fingers instead curling into the fabric, “It’ll take a while to walk out of my conflicted headspace, but I could.”
Midoriya heaved an enormous sigh, tension visibly leaving his body. “Thank goodness. I fear I’m already too into you to back away. I would if you wanted me to, of course, but—”
(You missed part of the rambling for the huh? What the hell was the number-one hero doing, pining after you? What had you ever done to get his attention?
Two months wasn’t a long time. Possible, of course, but unlikely. Was…was he attracted to you before the soulmate situation occurred?)
“—only hope that you’ll forgive me for my bad behaviour; I should’ve talked to you from the start. I guess I was scared, too,” Midoriya was saying when you snapped back into it, “May I—may I assume we’ll spend more time together? Get to know each other?”
“You may,” you said, and all of the past months of dreaming and running around and avoiding vulnerability weighed down on your back, pressing down to flatten and crush—so, you rolled your shoulders back. Sat up straight. Bit your lip as you looked him directly in the eye and said, “Midoriya, you have permission to seduce me.”
Midoriya opened his mouth, closed it, and opened it again, brow furrowed. “Are you sure about that?”
“So long as you’re clever about it,” you said, moving to sit on your knees, mirroring him, “So long as you seduce me on an intellectual and moral level before you—you can’t rely solely on your enormous hands and big, ol’ wet eyes. I challenge you to ease me into a romantic relationship from friendship. I want you to make me feel soooooo comfortable. I want you to surprise me.”
You heard the OFA static, rather than saw it. A quiet crackle that faded as he clenched his jaw.
“But otherwise, I want you to do it in ways that you like. Not necessarily what you’re used to.” You were grinning, fascinated by the heady way he was staring at you, unable to tear his eyes away from yours. “I wanna see what you like. I’ll tell you if I’m not into something.”
A few seconds passed before Midoriya answered. “I’m into a lot of things,” he said slowly.
“Yeah? I wanna see what you can give me.”
Twin bolts of lightning snapped and popped around his body, bright and blinding as if they were in the sky, and they sizzled out in an instant when he opened his mouth. “You seem to like to argue. To push back a little. Am I wrong?”
You shook your head, watching the tiny ripples of static electricity weave like snakes around his arms and down to his fingers, tips of your own hair starting to frizz.
“Right. What’s our safeword?”
You cast your thoughts around, and they settled on your seedling fortune from Alderside’s festival. Well. While no one can control your fortune, you’ll make it your own. “Lotus. As in the flower.”
With a slow blink that shot heat to your lower stomach, Midoriya swallowed, his Adam’s apple dipping. “Right,” he said, voice rasping, “I’ll get on it.”
“I look forward to it,” you said, smiling, feeling excited about the soulmate situation for the first time since you breathed in that dust, “In the meantime, why don’t you tell me more about your soft cheeses?”
***
Midoriya was gone by the time you got back to the apartment, and since you didn’t go on patrol until evening, you spent the time unpacking your things. Since yesterday, he’s stuck post-it notes on drawers and cabinets to label their contents, easing the process.
Infuriatingly, you found Dango sleeping on his bed, as if it had been her space her entire life. You crawled onto the bed next to her, holding out your hand for her to sniff.
While she walked in circles before curling in a ball next to you, you glanced over his jam-packed bookshelves and bulletin boards (plural, with a few pieces of yarn connecting tacks across boards) and settled on his bedside table, where, in front of a framed, blood-splattered, All Might trading card sat an empty mug, still smelling of sweetened oolong tea. Cute. You got out your phone to snap a quick picture of Dango and then opened your texts.
YOU
hey midoriya
YOU
i know another thing we can work on
MIDORIYA 👉👈🌱
I remember. We’ll work out a way to be completely unconscious instead of visiting our dreamland
YOU
not that one. adding another task
YOU
learn how to make frappes. and then how to make them in fantasy setting
YOU
all versions of shinsou deserve a big fuck-off drink
MIDORIYA 👉👈🌱
Most likely unnecessary to re-create the process exactly. Don’t you think we could adapt part of your tea ceremony magic for coffee?
YOU
y’know. i hadn’t considered.
***
When your eyes finally focused, Midoriya’s face had the closest thing to fear you’ve ever seen on him, tapping your cheeks to get you to stay conscious, and when you violently shuddered and coughed up seawater, relief passed over him.
It’s cold. It’s so fucking cold; with no explanation, an ice storm swept over the coastline as your party was packing up camp, and with the chilling winds and grey overcast came the fiery fury of a dragon forced to fly south. Tucking away his knitting needles, Monoma had been in the middle of proposing the storm might be a spell to drive the dragon out of a settlement when the writhing, fervent thing had spotted your camp and had dived towards you.
The dragon’s wings beat the frigid winds down on you, your clothes still damp from your trips into the spirit realm, shocking you so hard that you only caught flashes of its wreckage: you didn’t know how Monoma, Touya, and Shinsou vanished one by one into thin air with each swipe of its tail, but its front claws closed around you as it leapt into the sky again, flying out over the ocean, where it dropped you into slushing water almost half a kilometre out.
And Midoriya—he must have swum out to retrieve you, dripping and panting over you on the shore as he turned back towards the remnants of camp, and you, tired and freezing enough to let him move you into a water-eroded cave farther down the beach as the wind picked up, could hardly feel guilty for not helping him build a fire for how hard your head spun.
“If we’re separated from the group, unknown how to recover them, then—if we continue the plan to return to the Gauntlet, we might run into them eventually,” he was muttering as he threw logs on the fire, “Town’s three kilometres away, but I don’t think we’re in any condition to travel. Once she warms up—” Midoriya scrambled towards you, curled up and shivering on a thrown-together pallet on the other side of the fire, and he patted your cheek again. “Hey, hey, please, don’t fall asleep yet. I know you’re tired. It’s gonna be fine. But stay with me for a few more minutes, please?”
“I’m fi—fine,” you said, tongue numb enough to trip up your words.
Midoriya grimaced. “No, you’re not. Forgive me,” he said, prodding you to sit up and slipping your soaked shirt over your head, and he rested your forehead on his shoulder before setting to work unlacing your corset.
“What, f—fuck,” you said, unable to do much else besides continue to shiver, “This mah—must by a spe—special kind of cold.”
“Considering it’s most likely magic-induced, I wouldn’t doubt it,” said Midoriya, deft fingers already halfway done with the ties, “This is the third night in a row you’ve gotten cold and wet, so I’m afraid this may be the final straw to your getting hypothermia.”
“Hah—how come you’re not too affected by it?”
“I used to be. When I first started dreaming, I woke up in the northern lands. This body has since gotten used to this level of cold. I spent a full month helping one of the towns with a burrowing dragon. Tends to be a problem up there.”
“Resourcefu—ful bitch,” you said, taking deeper, sloppier breaths now that he removed your corset, the chill spreading across your chest. You wrapped an arm over your boobs once he lay you down (your undershirt still covered them, but it was nearly transparent with dampness), yelping at his first tug to take off your trousers.
“Relax. I’m not trying anything. The quickest way we’ll get you warm is if we share skin-to-skin contact,” said Midoriya, and he sat back on his heels. “Why don’t you take off your pants yourself, then? I’ll hang them by the fire.”
Nodding, you fumbled with numb fingers to unfasten your pants, and it was only after a few minutes of struggling to get the wet-clingy things off that you realised he’d stripped down to his smallclothes, too concentrated on hanging drenched clothes above the fire to be abashed at his nakedness. You tossed your pants towards him and ducked under a blanket, where your undershirt kept you icy, regardless.
“I’m thinking that after we check you into an inn in town, I’ll come back to comb over the beach to see if I can scavenge anything related to the dragon itself or to the rest of our party. If I find something, we could take it to the same diviner who tracked the soul altar through All Might’s crystal, and we’d be able to reunite through—ah.” Midoriya was cut off by another piece of wet clothing slung at him, and he peeled it away from his face, scrunching when he noted how you tucked the blanket more closely around you. “But I suppose that’s a conversation for later,” he said, nervously chuckling (dimples and creases in his cheeks highlighted in the flickering light) and draping your undershirt over the flames.
Though hazy, you appreciated how Midoriya tried to delay it, how he busied himself with securing the cavemouth, scooting your pallet closer to face the fire, and hooking Monoma’s banged-up kettle nearby, before lifting your blankets (you hissed at the swash of cold air down your bare back) and crawling in behind you.
Immediately, he’s got his mouth against the crown of your head, each hard plane and muscle ridge down his fire-touched chest pressed against your skin. He’s being so respectful in how his hips cradled your own, sharing the warmth without touching, so when one of his large hands grazed your waist, you took it, sliding your hand down to his to guide his arm fully around you and closing them in a fist underneath your boobs.
“Be—better,” you said, firelight still bright through closed eyelids, “Thank you.”
Midoriya huffed into your hair. “You’re surprisingly accepting of this.”
You hunched in towards the fire slightly (you swore your tits were going to freeze off). “We both took the sa—same safety courses. I know this is the logical course of action.”
“You sound like Aizawa-sensei,” said Midoriya, humming.
“Remember wh—when he taught gave that lecture? Brought in Kayama-sen—sensei to discuss human anatomy. Said that we’d probably never run into something like this.”
“Mm, I suspect it’s a contributing factor that I breathed in a second dose of Tainted Love’s quirk.” Midoriya nudged the back of your head for you to lift it, and he slid his folded arm underneath you to use as a pillow. “Wouldn’t you say the cliches extend to the dreams, based on this?”
“Fantastic,” you said, a full-bodied shiver sweeping through you, prompting a cough.
“No, no, you’re okay; you’re fine,” said Midoriya, rubbing over the goosebumps on your upper arm, “Once you’re warm enough, we’ll head into town. Wasn’t there a restaurant Monoma wanted to try? Do you want to go there?”
“I just wanna bathe and get in a real bed,” you said with a whimper, tugging the blankets up to your chin, “I don’t want to be siiiiiiick. We won’t be able to start tracking the others until I’m well.”
“We’ve been travelling with purpose for a while. It might be good to have a break, and you needn’t worry,” said Midoriya, replacing his arm around your waist, this time laying his hand flat on your stomach, right atop your diaphragm, keeping track of how hard you breathed, “I’ll take care of you.”
You sniffled, licking your dry lips. “Oh, fuck off.”
You flinched as the fire crackled, and Midoriya shushed you again and curled himself around you, edging a careful knee between your legs and drawing you close enough for your hips to touch. Scoffing, you realised there’d been a reason he’d kept a distance.
“Sorry! Sorry,” he said hastily, backing his hips a little, “I was—I just got to thinking about your back, and how soft it is, and then you mentioned wanting a bath, and you said it with the most glorious little whine to your voice—”
“You’re the reason they make dress codes so strict,” you said, shooting a glare over your shoulder.
“I think the tea’s boiling,” said Midoriya, and when he crawled out of the blankets, you made a pathetic noise at the back of your throat (the corner of his mouth twitched). But he was behind you again in a couple of minutes, arm curving over you to set your cream-coloured enamel mug in front of you on the pallet.
Once you’d drunk most of it, not tasting it but enjoying its heat, eyes growing heavier by the second, Midoriya spoke. “All right. I feel a lot better knowing your insides are warming up, too. You don’t have to try to stay awake anymore.”
You paused, waiting for a sneeze to come, but it died before you could. “But barely half of the night has passed. I’ll wake up back home and not be able to go back to sleep, because I’m woozy here.”
“Then stay awake. Feel free to rummage about the apartment, unpack, or anything. Watch a movie. We’ll get to work on finding a way to sleep dreamlessly soon.”
You set your mug aside, sapped of the strength to hold it up. “Should I wake you?”
“I don’t think so,” said Midoriya, rubbing your arm again before wrapping his over you, shifting his knee between your legs, “I need to take care of you here. Do you mind if—hm. It’d be difficult to move you and the supplies the three kilometres into town. I really think we should get you to town as soon as possible, though. Would you object to my moving you in your sleep, or would you prefer we stay here until tomorrow?”
“I don’t—don’t fucking care,” you said through a yawn, “I was just thinking. This dream shit seems more aligned with our real lives’ circadian rhythms, and stuff. Do you think if I suddenly woke up in the middle of the night here that I’d, like, faint in real life? It might happen, since we’re going to sleep during the day.”
“I’ve considered that,” said Midoriya, setting his cup next to yours with a clink on the stone floor, “and I don’t have any answers. S’pose we’ll find out.”
***
The next few months of your life were spent learning how to live under the soulmate bond. You’d unpacked completely, your belongings mixing with his and finding their homes in his flat. Gotten used to routines and grocery preferences. Still struggling to remember where he kept his measuring cups.
Midoriya claimed the soulmate pain had gone away, but sometimes, you caught him just standing there, clutching his shirt over his heart, expression strained but focused on nothing at all. He’d always brighten when he noticed you watching.
(One night, you’d stayed up later than Midoriya because you’d had a bit of a fight; he’d had Mirio, Nejire, and Amajiki over without telling you first, and you’d needed the quiet and space to work on a complicated collab proposal—and it kept you up during most of the night. He’d gone to bed angry, and you’d fumed over your laptop, when some sort of tinny whine broke the silence of the apartment. You’d taken off your headphones to check, and the sound kept coming.
You’d cracked open the door to Midoriya’s bedroom, where he’d been restlessly tossed in his sleep, bedsheets twisted around his waist and falling onto the floor, muscles strained even then, face screwed up, creases between his eyebrows—whining, wincing, clenching teeth together. It’s a sound you didn’t want to hear again. You’d gotten closer, wincing yourself as you watched sweat beading down his cheek, only to slide off onto his wet pillowcase. His shirt was soaked through, and he’d gone all pale.
You’d almost wished he were having a sex dream, because then you wouldn’t have to feel sorry for him. But no, God, this was happening because you were mad at him, because you’d fought, rejecting him somehow, and for such a tiny, little thing.
You’d pressed the back of your hand to his forehead to check his temperature, and Midoriya immediately stilled, breathing returning to normal.
If he’d noticed, he hadn’t said anything the following morning.
[And you? You weren’t experiencing any soulmate pain at all.])
Dango had grown to like Midoriya immensely, which baffled you until you’d discovered how much scrambled egg he gave her every morning as her cat tax—she took it out of his hand with such delicacy.
Right now, she lay on your lap while you scrolled through your phone on the couch. You’d made yourself a lurker account to follow people thirsting after Midoriya to see how other people were attracted to him—what made him appealing to them and how they talked about it. With his involvement with Uraraka’s miniseries picking up, on top of his already exhaustive schedule, you were seeing less and less of him in reality and had to rely on your dreams to spend time with him, so you visited these people’s accounts also as a way to check in on his public self.
[image description: a dishevelled Pro-Hero Deku, covered in soot from an explosion from fellow Pro-Hero Dynamight, lands a kick into the jaw of an 80-meter snake controlled by villain Viper. His boot sinks into its flesh in the moment before the force of the kick makes the snake burst. His hero costume is torn so that he has neither sleeves nor his hood. One of his gloves is missing, and his hair is wilder and curlier than usual.]
chargenut: uuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh hi!!!!!
sakuraraka: i wanna play with his hair i wanna tackle him to the ground
momo-closet: *fumbles for inhaler* very normal abt this. need him carnally need every man who can stomp something to death with a single move. Also please look at his ASS and how ROUND it is. desperately need to smack it but my hand would bounce off into the stratosphere
alienkawa: my womb ouch
dickuprint: god his curls are SO fuckgn sexy here. his current undercut and styled hair must be a strategic move by his PR team to nerf his perfect fucking looks bc otherwise he’d be too pretty for anyone to get anything done. undercut also sexy tho
nonbinarysalmon: he………………………
Neither you nor he had found a way to sleep without dreams yet. Well—actually, you’ve both discovered that if you get hit hard enough that you pass out, then you won’t dream, but you can’t rely on giving yourself a concussion every once in a while.
You’ve consulted Ito about it, purely for the soulmate basis. She’s never known dream-sharing soulmates to not share their dreams or go to the same place. After Ito, you moved onto sleep specialists and a few medications, but nothing worked—though you got managed to procure some fancy sleep aids for Aizawa out of it.
You and Midoriya would have to figure out this one yourselves, if it were even possible.
[image description: a gifset of Pro-Hero Deku on Pro-Hero Uwabami’s talk show. In the first gif, Deku blinks in mild shock at Uwabami’s insult towards Pro-Hero Shouto. In the second gif, Deku starts to laugh softly, tongue running over his lower lip, as anger visibly shines in his eyes.]
purprevbabey: incredible how fast my legs spread when he gets mad like that
dickuprint: okay but like. you can SEE how much control he has. how he’s got the power in the situation. and he knows he could rip her to shreds for that comment but he’s reigning it in. godddddddddddddddddd men who laugh when they’re pissed pls get mad at meeeee
oldfashionedkitten: You just know he can Detroit Smash on my Full Cowl until I Shoot Style.
sakuraraka: oh what a piece of work is man 👅
midori-world: SLUT
dailydeku: what crime must I commit to get him to look at me like that??? can you IMAGINE being on the receiving end of that look and not being completely drenched. considering arson. perhaps public nudity. his bedroom is public right
You and Midoriya had spent ages tracking the dragon, and you’d found it burrowing underneath yet another village trying to attack it. After halting the townspeople’s weapons, you and Midoriya had crept into its burrow, inelegant in the haste it was dug, and discovered the dragon thrashing and rolling around in the dirt.
You’d started your tea ceremony to bind the dragon to the space, and the dragon had stopped convulsing to stare at the floating teaware and conjured table. It’d seemed to understand what Midoriya said to it, and when it shuddered, you’d noted, it was all in effort to get something off its tail: a slightly luminescent, red band that, now that you were close enough, was clearly not part of the dragon’s amber scales. It had been tagged.
You’d offered to remove it, and the dragon had shifted its attention to you entirely, thumping its tail in front of your tea table. It had gotten frustrated while you and Midoriya discussed the tag’s perfect, unbroken seal, and to your horror, the dragon seethed and erupt into flames, out of whose ashes crawled a very naked Bakugou. You’d already been overwhelmed by his tits and scarred muscles to the sounds of Midoriya’s babbling on shapeshifters when Bakugou climbed onto your tea table and thrust his ass towards your face—you’d scrambled backwards out of shock. But he’d settled into a kneel, hissing over his shoulder at you, while you’d noted the tag had been sealed as a patch on the small of his back, which, so long as you wore down the holding spell, could be removed.
Bakugou had been incapable of human speech himself but nodded and grunted as you and Midoriya chipped away at the tag’s seal, and once you’d peeled it off, the underside of the patch revealed its owner: Todoroki Natsuo, who had enchanted the tag to teleport any significant source of magic back to the Todoroki castle. Midoriya had fortified this, saying that northern dragons were often used to collect kneilanth root and butter knappe, which grew too deeply underground for humans to safely dig for them.
And so, Bakugou had come with you all the way to rescue your friends from Todoroki castle, from which you’d been banned all those years ago for bad poetry.
(Bakugou had been doing quite well as a human, actually. Language was still an issue, mostly because his human mouth had to adjust to vocalising the sounds, and he tended to dislike the feeling of fabric against his skin. But he liked watching your magic and eating meat with the bones removed, and he enjoyed listening to stories. This Bakugou was charmingly, openly affectionate in his own gruff way, hovering near your side when outsiders crossed your path, taking tea towels for his nest/bedroll, and plopping your hand in his hair once camp was set up in the evening.
You tried not to think about what it could mean for your reality’s Bakugou.)
Foiled in your infiltration to Todoroki castle, you’d been captured and separated, and you and Midoriya were eating breakfast in his apartment to discuss your next move.
“I’m on the east side of the castle’s dungeon, in one of the cells on the first floor underground,” you said, setting your drawing of the castle layout (to the best of your memory) aside to sort through the puzzle’s edge pieces, “My other life’s memories tell me that I visited briefly before, because Shinsou’s family works in and out of there. I haven’t seen any of the Shinsous, though. I’ve only been handled by strangers. Where are you?”
“I must not be in a dungeon, then. There’s a window letting in sunlight, so I must not be underground.” Midoriya pinched his lower lip and frowned at two, similarly coloured puzzle pieces. “But they’ve tied me up. You’ll have to find something to cut the rope with, if you break out first.”
“Interesting,” you said, and you reached for your mug, “They didn’t bother to restrain me. They must not think I’m a threat, but you must look it.”
“Do you need a refill? I was about to get more,” said Midoriya, standing, his hand outstretched as he leant over the table, tossing his own empty mug to himself.
You squinted into your mug, the dregs of yet another failed, homemade frappe at the bottom. “I think I’m coffee-ed out for the day. Just water, please?”
“Right. If you’ll allow me a moment,” said Midoriya, holding both mugs in one hand (your brain short-circuited for a moment. Large. Large hands) as he crossed to the refrigerator. “But it’s the Todorokis’ castle. We know at least Endeavor and Natsuo are there because of Bakugou’s tag, and even if they are present, I don’t know Fuyumi or their mother well enough to rely on them. And Shouto isn’t there to help us.”
“I doubt the crown prince would help out his former jester,” you said, latching two pieces together, “and I doubt we could find Shouto if the whole kingdom hasn’t found him after searching for a year.”
“Is that a challenge?” His smile was audible over the gentle slosh of liquid. “Then that should be our next quest after we find the rest of our party.”
“Done. We’ll find Shouto next.” You accepted your mug once Midoriya tapped the back of your shoulder with it, and he plopped into his seat across from you with a heavy sigh. Your eyes glazed over a little when a frustrated Midoriya pulled reading glasses out of his breast pocket and slid them on. “Oh,” you said, taken aback.
He shot you a grin before bending back over the puzzle, hair flopping onto his forehead. “Don’t let it slip that the number-one hero needs peepers, all right?”
“Peepers,” you said, clasping a hand over your heart, “Who are you?”
Midoriya clicked his tongue and tried to fit another piece.
Shaking your head, you continued. “I think the move here is to appeal to the guards who’ve handled me so far, to try to see if I can talk to any of Shinsou’s family to get out. If not,” you said, taking a deep breath, “I can try soulwalking. The dungeons are charmed to stop magic, but I don’t know if they’d account for soul magic, since it’s so rare. I can try getting a key that way.”
“Key,” said Midoriya, holding up a finger and then a second, “And knife.”
“Yeah. You’re tied up. You’re tied…up,” you said, propping your chin on your fist, “Gracious. Has anyone ever managed to tie you up before?”
His eyes flickered over to you, glinting. “Not in any way I didn’t intend.”
“I—hm,” you said, having to look away and plucking at your shirt to cool yourself down, “I meant. I meant if you’d ever been—captured. For work. But I guess that sort of thing doesn’t happen to you, does it?” But if he wanted to take it that direction, you’ll play. “Tied up how? You uncomfortable?”
Midoriya smiled more with his eyes than his mouth, though he kept them on the puzzle. “It’s not my first time on my knees,” he said, fitting another piece together, “but I’ll admit the stone is making them ache.”
Fuck, how is anyone supposed to maintain a conversation with this man? “I hope they gagged you with how clever that mouth is,” you said on impulse, smoothing down the front of your shirt and frowning once you’d realised what you’d said.
“With a bit,” he said, drawing a line across his lips, “They confiscated my shirt when they checked my skin for runes and bound my arms behind my back, looping the ropes here—” Midoriya pulled up his sleeve to trace his finger on his upper arm over the rising swell of his bicep. “Here—” He did the same below the muscle, flexing it as he kept his gaze on the puzzle. “And here.” He straightened his posture to drag his finger diagonally over his collarbone, all the way up to where his neck met his shoulder.
You’re going to kill him. You’re going to pluck out each of his tendons to weave them into a basket. You’re going to bite down as hard as you can into that bicep until you can spit it out.
“Yeah, sure, man,” you said eventually, rubbing your eyes with the heels of your palms, “Don’t expect me to walk into your dungeon, pussy out, or anything, even if you’re already kneeling. If you could concentrate, please. We need to come up with something before tonight.”
Nodding, Midoriya covered his yawn and stood, stretching his arms above his head with a quiet groan (and you…noted the sliver of hard stomach when his shirt rose). “I’ll take my chances,” he said, rolling his broad shoulders back, taking a moment to hold his elbow for the extra strain. “I know you’ll be able to pull it off, whatever we decide, and I’ll do more thinking during work today. I need to head out. I’m behind on the last performance evaluations for this round of interns, and I’m supposed to be taking them all out for interim evals today.”
“Good fucking luck.” You corralled the loose puzzle pieces into one corner of the kitchen table as Midoriya put mugs in the dishwasher.
“Thanks.” He tossed in a soap pod. “What time will you be home today?”
“Uh, give me a sec,” you said, thinking and moving to put things back in the refrigerator, “I…oof, late. Late. I stay super late today, because I’m covering for Jirou. She has a gig tonight. Yeah, I have my lunch break around fucking 3:30, and then I work until two in the morning.”
Midoriya winced, nose wrinkling. “Let me meet you for lunch, then. I’ll see if I can swing by after that, too, to bring you something then.”
“Oh. You don’t have to do that.”
“I know. I want to,” said Midoriya, and for barely a full second, he shot you the most devastatingly sincere smile you’ve ever seen in your life: boyish and endearing and a bit like distilled sunshine, all of his earnest devotion concentrated and aimed at you before simply switching it off as he looked away and removed his glasses, seemingly unaware of how very frantically your heart was banging about in your chest.
Once he was out the door, you grabbed your phone to scroll through the Midoriya thirst accounts, desperate for validation that someone else was thinking of him in that way.
[video description: a Deku fancam set to MARINA’s “Primadonna.” Clips from interviews, paparazzi, photo shoots, and social media flash in time to the beat, mostly focusing on the way a smiling Deku often rubs his lower lip with his index and middle fingers while he thinks.]
blueberrybakugou: fist me. who said that
chargenut: I just want. If I could just. Like for five minutes. Just.
igneousbastard: Every Deku picture is mind-bogglingly vogue. He’s the ultimate do I wanna be him or fuck him. Keep it coming king 👑 👑 👑
sakuraraka: he just looks like he’d be so nice to hold hands with. well that and to **** **** * *** ******** *** **** ** ******* ********* but i digress
kirishimashairdye: bites him bites him bites him bites him grabs his beautiful face and kisses it all over tweaks his nipples unzips his pants and pulls out his c—* GUNSHOTS *
kurapikas-ballandchain: whatever u say babygirl 💖
mmmmmidoriya: god i am so jealous of his soulmate. gets to shove her head between his thighs every day
dickuprint: @mmmmmidoriya you’ve seen who it is, right??? i am manifesting they make out in public so that we can see what deku does with his tongue then 👀 guess i’ll have to live vicariously through her for the rest of my LIFE.
mmmmmidoriya: @dickuprint i wish i had been hit by that quirk bc having a soulmate would fix me and every problem that ever existed
You lay back on the couch, holding your phone above your head and feeling unbearably fond of these unhinged people you’ve never met. Almost a shame that no one in your life could talk to you about Midoriya that way—except, perhaps, Uraraka, and she’s moved on. Still. Somehow it was comforting that all of these people, even though they’d never been the direct victim of a Midoriya smile, could feel so strongly for him. Their vehemence was infectious, and for the first time in three years, an invitation to adore Midoriya bloomed in your chest. So, you allowed yourself to open up your old feelings for him and made your first post.
assortedsoftcheeses: have we considered how sexy midoriya would be in reading glasses???? willing to commission fanart btw.
***
Silhouetted by the hallway light, Midoriya rapped his knuckles on your doorframe. “May I come in?”
“God, fuck,” you said, wiping at your nose, “Sure.”
House slippers scuffing on carpet, Midoriya approached cautiously while you smeared your tears over your face with your blanket, and he knelt by your bedside, looking up at you. He didn’t ask what was wrong. Simply waited. Put his hand next to yours, should you want it.
“I’m so fucked up about Shinsou in particular. He’s my best fucking friend and has always, always been there for me. Always a source of comfort.” You sat up in bed, adjusting the straps of your tank top. “I feel guilty for not being able to love him like he deserves. I do love him, y’know? But I can’t—I don’t have any impulse to love him romantically. He’s just—very important to me. I don’t want him out of my life because of our soulmate bond.”
Midoriya’s pinkie nudged yours. “He doesn’t have to be. So, let’s make time for you to spend with him.”
You balked, taken aback. “You’d be okay with that? You wouldn’t get jealous?”
Midoriya smiled gently, creases in his face lit by lamplight. “Sweetheart, I can’t get jealous of Shinsou; he’s your best friend. And, moreover, he’s probably still closer to you than I. You’re allowed to have space away from me, y’know?” He inched his hand underneath yours, his fingers curling upwards into yours, and he traced circles into your palm with a light graze of his middle finger—and that light touch shot a spark through you, more sensitive to his calloused skin than your weighted blanket or your too-soft pillow or Dango’s heat coming through the comforter from where she loafed on your feet. “In fact,” he continued, as if he hadn’t casually skyrocketed you from this plane of reality and back, “I’ve been considering a a project that Shinsou and you may fit perfectly into.”
And so Midoriya, Shinsou, and you coordinated your schedules to all head over to U.A., to the Aizawa hall, down to room 310, all the way at the end. Midoriya raised his hand to knock as you shot a nervous glance at Shinsou.
(Shinsou and you had a very specific dynamic when you hung out together, but adding Midoriya enhanced it in a way you couldn’t articulate. Nothing Shinsou normally did was sacrificed, but there was just something in how now there was someone to stand so closely to you that you felt his body heat, to explain in gratuitous detail his bulky camera equipment for the later birdwatching, to tease you to repeat your compliments towards him because he wanted you to admit it—it was different, yes, than just hanging out with Shinsou, whom you never had to try to impress, but something made you incredibly aware of Midoriya’s stupid, unstyled hair that was curlier than usual and his gesturing with an old, bulky, silver watch that he claimed was his father’s—something that added a safe sliver of excitement.)
“It’s unlocked,” called a voice that only had traces of his old rasp, and in you stepped to Shimura Tenko’s living space: summer-warm and cluttered in a purposeful way, with the wide windows propped open so that the white curtains wafted with the breeze, a mirror with fan mail from hero work taped to its glass, a skateboard mounted to the wall, a strategically planned gaming desk, and his red shoes next to Touya’s boots and Eri’s sandals by the door.
Midoriya absentmindedly helped you take off your jacket to hang it on the coatrack while you toed off your shoes, and you were smiling: Tenko and Eri sat across from each other on the couch, both sketching an angle of a still life scene (of a reflective water bottle, an overflowing bowl of shining stones, a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle figure, and a morning glory picked from the dorm flower bed) on a tiny table dragged to the middle of the rug. Todoroki Touya was sprawled out on Tenko’s bed, head dangling off the side and squinting as he read volume seven of something called GINSENG TEA X LUSTFUL BALLSACK.
“Hey, Izuku,” said Tenko, glancing one final time at the still life and his drawing before closing his sketchbook to stand. “You’re late.”
(God. It still shook you, whenever you thought about it, that the man who had been Shigaraki Tomura was doing well now, getting to act his age, getting to do hero work, getting to settle into comfort. Midoriya apparently visited him at least once a week and had gotten to know him well, and Shinsou had spent brief spurts of time with him when they both needed to be with Aizawa. Good for Tenko, of course, but you didn’t know how to talk to him. How do you talk to someone who changed the trajectory of the entire world?
But Midoriya brought you out of your head, because he was showing the same level of comfort with Tenko as he had outside with you and Shinsou, in how he warmly greeted these people and felt at home in this space. That brought down your nervousness to the same level as when you meet a friend’s friend for the first time.
[And a voice in the back of your head said that you didn’t need to try to get them to like you, because of course Tenko and Touya would like you. You’re their soulmate in another timeline.])
“Traffic was bad. It’s good to see you,” Midoriya replied, hand sliding to the small of your back, grounding you, even though the touch was unfamiliar. “Tenko, Touya—you know Shinsou, but I don’t believe you’ve met my soulmate yet?” Masterful how he’s calming you down and showing that he’s got everything under control in the same gesture. Competent bastard.
Midoriya nudged you towards Tenko as you exchanged names—unnecessary, really, since both of you knew who the other was—and waves of sorrow, pity, and affection washed over you as you looked him over: tired, with better posture, his hair swept out of his face—just some guy—and you fought the urge to hug him. And bolstered by Midoriya’s calming touch on your lower back, you instead did something Tenko might appreciate more: you held out your hand.
Something strange visibly passed through Tenko, his red eyes lighting the fuck up, and he clasped your hand, shaking it. “You’re bold.” You could’ve sworn he was suppressing a smile as he glanced from you to Midoriya. “Hope you stick around.”
“Deku,” said Eri from the couch, titling her head backwards over its arm to speak towards you, “Tell Tenko he should come to my watercolour class with me.”
“He can do what he wants,” said Midoriya, as Shinsou stepped aside to enquire Touya after the manga he was reading. “What’s so special about this class?”
“Oh, come on, Deku. It’d only be one time,” Eri said as Midoriya ruffled her hair, careful of her long, curving horn, “Tenko’s been saying how hard it is to draw reflective surfaces, and there’s gonna be a whole class session on them!”
Tenko shook his head. “I can’t paint.”
“You did that great painting with coffee of a boat that one time,” said Eri, tapping her pencil against her sketchbook.
“I couldn’t drink the coffee; I had to do something with it,” said Tenko, “I wasn’t trying to paint for real.” He sighed, shoulders heaving, and he turned back to you. “You want tea, or something? A snack?”
A few minutes later, the five of you sat together on the rug (Eri went downstairs), clutching mugs of decaf orange tea with a plate of grocery-store-bakery shortbread in the middle, and you began to plan what sort of Dungeons and Dragons game you all wanted to play.
“I may have some ideas for adventures in a fantasy setting,” said Midoriya with a completely straight face. You scoffed and rolled your eyes, and you were about to thump his chest when his arm came to rest behind you on the couch cushions; you found yourself swallowing at the acute awareness of the heat his defined bicep transferred to the back of your head.
(Weird. Usually, Shinsou was the person in a group hangout that you’d pay attention to the most, because you’d catch each other’s eye to make jokes, but somehow—somehow—you hated that you had to keep depending on that word—somehow, you wanted to pay the most attention to Midoriya, because you didn’t know what he’ll do next.)
Throughout all of the ideas for a homebrew campaign, the goosebumps on the back of your neck never settled. Midoriya doesn’t even have his undivided attention on you; he’s just talking to friends with enthusiasm and those expressive hands, silver watch clinking, and it’s exciting just to watch him. When he’s not looking at you, it’s like you can see him better—how he’s a good leader, a good friend, and a good, good man.
(And then, that tiny, evil voice in your mind whispered that it’s because when Midoriya looks at you, he looks with so much want that it’s blinding. That when he looks at you, his light blocks out everything else.)
***
You’ve had enough of the ocean. Enough of the heat. Sweating, you pulled the wide brim of your sunhat down over your face and once again moved your folding chair farther into the shade, its chair legs scuffing the deck. No one is going to persuade you to do any heavy lifting today; you’d melt.
Monoma felt the same, after getting a terrible sunburn, so he kept to whatever shadows the ship could offer, and he was likely below deck, reading his little detective novels—hopefully in silence, since Shinsou had announced he’d be taking a nap about an hour ago. You’d join them, but for some reason, seeing the water itself distracted you from the frequency at which the boat rocked and kept your stomach from turning.
So, you kept to the main deck, which allowed you to watch all of Endeavor’s—sorry, King Todoroki’s crewmen as they kept the ship running. Always strange, but you supposed that whom you knew as pro hero Burnin’ made for a fine ship captain. You respected how she didn’t defer to any of your party, especially Touya, even though she and the crew were yours to use for the mission to find Shouto.
Funny how only a month ago you’d been an enemy of the king, and now he’s sent some of his most trusted personnel with you with his blessing. Your attempt to break out of the dungeons had failed—well, you had successfully escaped, but once you’d located Midoriya, you’d run into a few problems: he’d been tied up in an infuriatingly sexy way, just as he’d described, and they’d since removed his trousers as well as his shirt. Cutting him free had taken time, since you’d only been able to commandeer a dull blade, and to slice the knots on either side of his neck, you’d had to press your boobs near Midoriya’s face. He’d wasted so much time apologising for his subsequent erection that the guards had caught up with you.
It had gone down, at least, by the time they’d dragged you to Touya’s childhood sitting room, still as luxurious and well-kept as when he’d first left, where the rest of your friends had been at a tea party, arguing over what little cheesecake was the best. A cup of tea had been shoved into your hands, and across the table, you’d caught Touya’s mocking gesture of putting his pinkie up while he’d sipped at his own tea.
The Todorokis had been pleased to see Touya again and had welcomed him and the rest of your party into the castle eagerly (you say the Todorokis: you mean Rei, Fuyumi, and Natsuo who opened the castle to you. Enji, it’d turned out, had more or less become a king in name only during an illness that confined him to his bedroom, leaving the actual governing of the kingdom to Rei. Apparently, Enji had seemed glad when he’d heard Touya had returned, but he'd merely turned over in bed to continue to read after nodding at the news). You and Midoriya had been issued a pardon once Touya had informed his family that you were his friends, and for almost a month, you’d camped out in the castle and explored the town. Thrilling, really, to rest in a place with clean beds and keen to provide multiple changes of clothes. Everyone had gotten to request what was for dinner a couple of times, which was lovely—adorable, really, the way Touya sighed happily into a bowl of soba made the same way as when he’d been eight years old.
But Touya had claimed he couldn’t take the familial doting forever—though you figured it might be pressure to take the crown soon—and he’d took your idea for an easy way out of the castle: why doesn’t your party go search for Shouto?
And thus the ship from Endeavor’s navy, staffed with his combat personnel who hadn’t had much to do in peacetime. You were off towards a partially mapped archipelago from which rumours of a mage who could wield both fire and ice came.
Heavy footsteps clonking down the stairs to the quarterdeck shattered your concentration on the deep, azure waves, and you’d hardly turned to look before Bakugou plopped directly onto the deck next to you, crossing his legs and leaning against your chair.
Bakugou reached for your hand and dropped it onto his head. “Scratch.”
You laughed through your nose. “Fine,” you said, curling your fingers into his hair for the first time that day—oof, his spikes were more pliant because he’d been sweating so hard. “What’s got you so worked up?”
Pouting, Bakugou huffed, and you offered a drink from your canteen to encourage him to speak. “Couldn’t beat Izuku and Touya to the crow’s nest,” he said after taking a swig, raising his head towards your touch, “Bein’ up that high when I’m not in dragon form—I don’t like it. Makes my head hurt.”
Now that you tilted the brim of your hat backwards, you could make out two figures skibbling around the rigging towards the top of the tallest of the ship’s three masts. You can’t discern who’s who, but one of them swipes at the other, who barks a laugh, and it’s good to see the both of them playing. They deserve it.
“I’m sorry that’s happening to you, Bakugou,” you said, swearing that he let out a sort of purr when you scratched near the base of his neck, “Would it help to be a dragon again? Fly behind us for a while? I can ask the captain.”
Bakugou shook his head, and then he strained his neck to rest his chin on your thigh. “I shouldn’t shift into a dragon until we’re near land. Shifting back into human form would leave us with the fiery, dragon carcass, and I don’t wanna burn down the ship with it.”
“That would put a damper on our journey,” you said, “I haven’t considered: do all shapeshifters physically leave their magical bodies behind when they turn back into a human? What do you normally do with your…”
You narrowed your eyes at the crow’s nest at someone’s shout. It’s too bright out today, under this perfectly clear, blue sky, and you’re blinded when you look their way. You held up a hand to shield your gaze from the sun as a cacophony of voices resounded across deck, able to make out before you did that one of them was falling from the nest, caught in a snapped section of rigging. In the moment Bakugou leapt to his feet and helped you up, a strident, clean crack made your stomach drop.
Both of you raced over to the small crowd of crewmen already lowering a grimacing Midoriya to the deck, hanging by the ankle caught in the rigging, and he winced, inhaling sharply, at the first touch from the medic.
“I’m fine,” said Midoriya, maintaining a shaky smile and holding up a hand to you, which you grasped once you dropped to your knees.
“No, you’re—you’re bleeding out, you asshole,” you said, gripping his hand harder than you needed to, “Drop the All Might grin.”
“I’m har—hardly bleeding out,” he said, but he relaxed into a closed-mouth smile as the medic cleaned the deep cut with her water magic, with Bakugou hounding her with questions on her method the entire time.
“What happened?” You scooted out of the way of the crewman who’d fetched a medical kit. “I thought you and Touya were—”
“We were being reckless. I misstepped and sliced my leg on an errant nail, and I fell due to surprise and got caught in the rigging. It’s not Touya’s fault,” said Midoriya, raising his voice just as Touya reached the bottom of the mast, looking less agitated once he heard.
Touya stepped out of the way of the pooling blood, and after the medic confirmed with him what’d happened, she said, “Midoriya, your ankle is broken. Looks like it was snapped by the ropes. The cut doesn’t reach the bone, but it’s deep. It’s gonna need to be wrapped as tightly as possible over this splint so that this flap of skin doesn’t fall off and stop the bleeding. I can do a temp one, but we’re gonna have to dock somewhere to get some—”
“I think I can do that,” you said, realising it as you spoke, “With my binding ceremony, I should be able to bind his injury as tightly as it needs to be. Monoma could transfigure the bandages into something more permanent.”
The medic only took a second to hesitate before enlisting Bakugou to help carry Midoriya below deck. You ran ahead to grab your tea whisk, and you were already kneeling on the floor of Midoriya’s bunk when they brought him inside. Bakugou’s mouth twitched at all of the blood seeping out of the gauze on Midoriya’s leg, but the medic yanked him by the elbow back above deck to sterilise the area.
Midoriya panted from the blood loss, eyes fluttering as you began your ceremony. “I don’t know how long I can stay upright. I—hahh, is it hot in here to you?”
Miniature tea plants pushed through the top layers of skin on your forearm, growing to maturity at a rapid pace. “A little,” you said, glancing at his steadily moistening forehead, the first bead of sweat dripping down the curve of his cheekbone.
His breathing grew heavier as your magic sun-dried tealeaves and steamed them. Grimacing, Midoriya said, “Forgive me for this,” and started unlacing the front of his shirt.
Oh, his shirt is coming off? You tried to seem very interested in magically kneading, oxidising, and drying tealeaves, but Midoriya noticed how distracted you were, raised a brow, and, with an incredulous smirk, lifted his shirt to flash you his fucking nipple, perked up from the fabric rubbing against it.
“Oh, you like that, don’tcha?” Midoriya asked, not that he needed to: your teakettle boiled over so quickly because it matched the heat rising to your face. Grinning to himself, he pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it near his bag.
You channelled the centre of your binding magic into the bandages, taking in how much blood was seeping through the previous ones, how it might affect Midoriya for months if this doesn’t work out.
I hope this helps.
Commanding your magic to bind tightly around Midoriya’s wound, you redirected residuals automatically trickling into the teakettle back to the bandages. Midoriya must put a lot of trust in you, considering you’ve never used your magic in this exact way, but since it’s still a binding ceremony, the credits might just transfer.
“No need to be so nervous,” Midoriya was saying, slumping into the bed now that his shirt’s off, as if his tits weren’t just out there, “You’re still on guard with me. I’m waiting for you to be comfortable.”
“Y’know, the best way to stop residuals going into the tea is to have no tea to go into,” you said, ignoring him and pouring him a cup, which you shoved his way, “Drink up.”
While you prepared your own tea, Midoriya swallowed his like it was a shot, and he even screwed up his face and thumped his chest like it’d been alcohol. “Gracious,” he said, peeling his eyes open, “That does not go gently into the night.”
“Excuse me?” you asked, magic faltering slightly before renewing the channel binding his wounds. You took a sip from your teacup, but it was the same tea as always, so you were taken aback when he returned his empty teacup, smelling like bitter, medicinal residuals.
“Pour another cup for me,” said Midoriya, and both of you followed the arc of liquid into Midoriya’s teacup, resembling standard green tea. When he lifted it to his lips, he shook his head. “It’s the same medicine as before, but how?” His eyes lightened, corners of his mouth twitching upwards. “You poured yourself a normal cup of tea in between.”
“I think,” you said, in a small voice, staring into your own teacup and wondering at what more your magic was capable of, “I don’t know. I didn’t do anything differently. Aside from the bandages, but, y’know.”
“Hm,” said Midoriya, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand, fingers curling into his wet bangs, “Would you mind getting my notebook out of my bag for me?”
“I shouldn’t move until the ceremony’s over,” you said, nodding towards the slowly-twining bandages, almost to his ankle.
“Right,” said Midoriya, tongue flicking over his lower lip, eyes shining, “I can wait. But the liquid in the teakettle physically changed materials, if in taste, rather than appearance, temperature, and texture, and it changed back for when you needed to drink it. Do you think there’s a subconscious element to your magic that adjusts itself for the person receiving the magic? Because it wasn’t even purposeful, because you’re trying to put all of your magic on my wound, but if it still manifested in the tea—”
(And as your gaze drifts upwards to Bakugou’s bunk, blankets draped over the side into Midoriya’s space, it hits you, the overall, cultural, social reason why it hasn’t been easy trying to love Midoriya, affecting not just you but nearly everyone who meets him: loving Midoriya is like loving the sun.
Because no one needs to think about loving the sun. It’s obvious how it’s the most important star in the sky, how it’s built into our everyday lives.
And so you don’t notice it until it’s paired with something else, that highlights, by contrast, the beauty of the sun. Put it with the moon in eclipse or the tilt of the Earth, and it’s suddenly an interesting thing to talk about, like how some people only discuss Midoriya in conjunction with Todoroki, or how his personality balances Bakugou’s, or how he expresses romance and sexuality in how he treats Uraraka. Talking about Midoriya by himself isn’t very interesting to a lot of people, because he seems to be the default good, and for some people, good is boring. Bringing in someone different downplays his apparent blandness.
You’re guilty of it. You’ve been musing over how he adds to the hangouts with Shinsou, how he works the room during DND sessions, how he’s part of a romantic unit only with Uraraka. How he fits into hero society. You haven’t been fair to Midoriya. You’ve never looked at him as just Izuku.)
“—then it comes down to desire, I figure, that changes it,” Midoriya was saying, and after taking a breath, he gestured towards his ankle. “Looks like the binding’s done.”
Breaking you from your thoughts, the strain of magic came to a halt as the final bandage looped closely around Midoriya’s ankle, sealing it. “Yeah,” you said, moving from your kneeling position to examine your work, “What was that about desire?”
“You wanted to heal me, yes? That desire probably drove elements in your ceremony to change, I’m guessing.”
His bandages were perfectly set, perfectly holding pressure. “I did wish really hard.” I hope this helps rattled in your head. “Feel any pain?”
“None at all. You did well. We can add this to your arsenal, I suppose—and you don’t have to get me my notebook,” said Midoriya, beaming up at you as you stood, the tea ceremony equipment evaporating. He caught your hand before you could leave, his touch delicate as he guided the palm of your hand to his lips. “I’ll remember,” he said, bright eyes holding you in place, “since it’s you.”
That settled it. You were going to chase the sun.
***
When the ship reached the archipelago, it didn’t take long to realise that it was protected by an invisible dome. As a dragon, Bakugou found a crevice near the top that he could slink through, so so long as Bakugou could carry it on his back, it could get to the islands.
In your first flight, Midoriya held you closely from behind, and he covered your eyes with his hand when you grew too nervous, claiming that your flustered expression was bad for his heart.
You found Shouto on the east side of the island, long-haired and tanned while net-fishing among stone columns that held up houses before a hurricane destroyed them.
“Hm,” Shouto was saying, coaxed into sitting around a freezing fire lit by Touya, using Monoma’s cast-iron spit to stab through his fish, “If I’m using my fire and ice magic enough for my father to track me, then perhaps I should learn another discipline.”
“God, no,” said Touya, giving a dismissive wave, “We were just told to find you, not bring you back. And we didn’t promise to say where you were, either.”
“You’re allowed to use your magic, regardless,” Midoriya said, “It’s your magic, not his.”
“Good,” said Shouto, nodding, “My companions do not wish to participate in society. I would prefer to stay with them.”
“How many of them are there?” Midoriya set his crutch against the rock he was sitting on and instead leaned more against you. “Your friends, I mean.”
You met them soon enough at dinner: Aizawa Shouta, who had crafted the dome around the archipelago (his magic could create the perfect conditions to sleep, including the cancellation of others’ obnoxious magic), and Shimura Tenko, who had to be pried away from the dragon body Bakugou had crawled out of (Tenko’s magic allowed him to talk to animals and know what is in their heart of hearts. He emphasised that this was vital, since cats lie to you).
You couldn’t force anything into your stomach for how sick you felt, and eventually you set your fork down to tap the back of Midoriya’s free hand, which he flipped over for you to hold, lacing your fingers together. At your morose silence, Midoriya made an excuse to the group about needing his leg rebound, and, leaning on both you and his crutch, he led you away from the fire on the shore and towards Shouto’s hut.
Shutting the bamboo door behind you, you helped ease Midoriya into a chair before pinching the bridge of your nose and speaking in an unsteady voice. “That’s everyone. All of my soulmates in one place. I don’t fucking get why they’ve kept popping up. Presumably we have everyone we know mirrored here, so why do they have to be the ones we spend time with?” you asked, beginning to pace in the tiny room.
Midoriya leant his crutch against the table, settling into his seat with stiffness, bamboo creaking under his weight. “Do you want to leave? Separate from the group?”
“No, I—” You sucked in through your teeth. “I hate that I have a sort of fucked-up harem. It doesn’t serve any purpose other than to fill me with guilt. I don’t know how to handle it, and I don’t want to handle it. I know that leaving everybody would also fill me with a different kind of guilt, so I know leaving isn’t the solution, but I still don’t know. I don’t know where to go or what to do or if I should tell them at all. These versions of our friends, anyway,” you said, running both hands backwards through your hair, “God, it’s too complicated. It’s too much to focus on that there’s no focus. I—” You spun on your heel to face him and had to cut yourself off: Midoriya was taking great pains to slide out of his chair, to kneel at the end of your path.
“No, what’re you—? Let me help you back up,” you said, rushing back towards him, but he refused your help.
Midoriya offered his hand upwards to you. “Isn’t it a relief, then,” he said, watching your fingertips graze his before sliding down into his palm, “that you know where you come home to?” His fingers curled into yours. “I can’t speak for everyone, of course, and I wouldn’t want to, so allow me to be selfish: I’m here. I plan to stay,” said Midoriya, so softly it was hard to hear him over the night wind, “I want you. No one coming into our lives is going to change that. You say there’s no focus, but you’ve been my sole focus for almost a year now. I can’t imagine I was satisfied with anything else. And I will admit, my dear, that it makes me burn with jealousy that you spend so much time looking away from me, even in well-intentioned worry. I want all of you.”
Squeezing your hand in his, Midoriya brought the fabric of your skirt to his mouth to kiss it, keeping eye contact. “Please. Please. All I am is yours. My heart is yours; these hands are yours; this cock is yours. All of me is yours. All you have to do is ask for it, and if you’re always looking away from me, you won’t. Please look at me. Please let me help you.” He dropped your skirt, his fingers grazing your hip as he shifted his weight off of his injured leg, and he held your hip to steady himself, never tearing his gaze away from you.
The number-one hero’s bulky figure was on his knees in front of you despite his bad leg, squeezing your hand like he’ll never let you go and pressing his face to the front of your dress.
“Tell me you’ll let me in. Tell me I’m the only one,” said Midoriya, nuzzling the spot where your thigh met your hip, “Tell me that only I’m allowed to keep you warm.”
The sun was once thought to be the centre of the universe. It’s time he became the centre of yours.
“Tell me that I’m not alone in this. That you can’t wait any longer,” he said, bright eyes watering without overflowing, and you looked directly into the sun.
Binding Magic and Other Medievalisms | 4 | Shinsou Hitoshi
Series Masterlist
Summary: the real start of your quest. Some things are better left unsaid and forgotten.
Warnings: female reader. Mention of past violence/injury (not reader). Sexual content.
Note: consent continues to be complicated. Right now in the story, it’s still mostly dubious consent (sexual coercion + reluctant consent) in terms of what’s spoken about their relationship, but it’s made more complex by reader’s unspoken, half-supressed affection for the Shinsou she used to know (prompting her to both want and not want him). If this sort of tenuous consent is something that might be upsetting for you to engage with, please click away and do not read.
~15.6k
Two days later, you were lying on your stomach on your bedroll and translating a passage from Old Runic to Middle Runic when Shinsou crept into your mountainside campsite.
Slamming your books shut, you twisted in your blankets and tried to kick them off so that you could kick him as he knelt delicately at the far end of your bedroll, but kicking a heavily padded foot against a heavily padded thigh leaves much to be desired, in terms of violence.
You raised a threatening hand, ready to flick him all the way back to Renfield. “You’re just a dog who keeps returning to its vomit,” you huffed, blowing stray hair out of your face, “How many times do I have to teach you this lesson, blithering fool? I’m ready to reduce you to smithereens so that you stop following me. Hell, even just one smither. Get out of my face.”
“I’m not in your face,” said Shinsou, infuriatingly, and he was infuriatingly composed, even when lifting his gloved hands in surrender. “I will, however, keep tracking you down until you listen to me for a bit, so why don’t you conserve your energy?”
You held your stance, narrowing your eyes at him, and your own breath clouding in the chilly, morning air solidified some answers for you: Shinsou’s not dressed for a winter trek at all, aside from the addition of that stupid, slouching hat, but that wasn’t even covering the tips of his ears, which, wow, somehow weren’t even red. Either way, Shinsou couldn’t be planning to stay long.
Maybe if you come to an agreement, he’ll leave you alone.
Sighing, you plopped your head back onto your pillow, hair splaying. “You’re on thin ice.” You rubbed at your eyebrow, making a mental itinerary now that he’s here. “Do you know what an eternal coal looks like, or did you delegate making fires to grunts beneath you?”
“I know what an eternal coal look like,” said Shinsou, frowning, “I—”
“Find mine—green bag, front pocket, wrapped in a wet washcloth—and get a fire going.” You made yourself sit up, with every fibre in your being protesting, bones creaking in the cold. “Tea had ought to be nearby in the same pocket. Start that brewing.”
Shinsou scooped up your green bag and unbuckled the top. “Got a preference where?”
What? Wha—why would you have a— “Yeah, actually,” you said, folding your blankets, “Just there, where the slab of granite shifts to earth. Don’t want you catching anything fabric on fire.”
Shinsou nodded and moved.
You didn’t give him any more information. Wanted to see how he’d proceed without instruction. He’d seemed to pause at the sight of the trammel hook and spit, packed alongside the other firemaking materials, but he got them all coordinated with the kettle after a few minutes. But it was weird; he was so docile; Shinsou was so concentrated on his task that his eyes only flickered towards you when you tucked your bedroll fully into your main bag, your arm stretching into its insides (perhaps he’d forgotten that your enchanted bag can hold much more than it looks like it should).
You wondered if he were concerned about how pliant you’re being, too.
Shaking the thought away, you closed your hand around your pocket edition of your daily recitation book, and you withdrew it from your bag and untied the enchanted, spinning top from the ribbon bookmark before setting the top’s pin into the dirt in front of you.
Let’s see. Today was…Thursday?
Once you flipped to Thursday’s recitation in your book, you tapped the top’s stem, which lit the whole thing up in a luminescent blue, and at your first word, the top snapped into its regular hovering height, a few inches off the ground. The top pulsed blue and began to spin midair as you started muttering your routine magic practise.
Keeping a careful eye on you, Shinsou silently poured water from his canteen into the kettle, and he lifted it only the trammel hook above the growing fire. Out of the corner of your eye (you couldn’t truly watch him, because you needed to focus on how the top reacted to each of your spells), you noticed he rooted through your scant selection of tealeaves for the journey but made no move to put either choice in your tea strainer. He crossed his legs and sat with the tea in his lap, keeping both you and the kettle in view.
Shinsou poked at the eternal coal, sparks floating upwards. He cleared his throat. “May I ask you a question?”
You ignored him and kept reciting under your breath, relying more on muscle memory so that you could more closely observe the ways in which the top refracted your spells into tiny bursts of light.
“You haven’t used any magic in days,” said Shinsou, pulling his slouching hat farther down his head, “and I would know. Why is this—” He nodded towards your spinning top. “—the first magic you do, now that I’ve found you?”
You held a finger up in his direction, chanting until you came to a stopping point in the routine, at which you took a deep breath in the same moment the top halted its whirling midair, azure light flashing as it hung frozen. “This is why you’ve never been good at magic, my lord. Any fool who’s been practising for more than three months knows that you have practise magic daily, through standard recitations, to maintain the strength of your magical repertoire, lest you lose your ability to use it at all. I haven’t been able to recite in two whole days.”
Shinsou held a packet of tealeaves to his nose. “Surely you won’t suffer for taking a few days off.” He returned it to his lap to sniff the other kind. “Do you want your red-packet or blue-packet tea?”
“They’re clearly labelled, moron; the red is vanilla camomile, and the blue is raspberry black tea. And since it’s morning, obviously the black tea. But gracious. There’s a reason why only one of us makes a living practising magic.” You slouched slightly, picking at the dead skin on your lower lip. “No, I know what I’m doing. I have the routine for my daily recitations down. I’ve made the process much more efficient that it used to be. I worked with Keigo to craft this enchanted top to diffuse the stronger spells, instead of letting them fly out, loose. Most people can’t go through their recitations as quickly—not that you would know, you slacker—because they don’t have a receptacle strong enough to absorb higher level magic. Keigo wants to try to make more of these tops to sell in his shop, but honestly, I think it should be a slower process for most people. Going fast makes people less careful.” With that, you shook your head and resumed your routine, the top springing to life again at your word and chirruping with each spell’s deflection.
Shinsou was frowning as he scooped black tea into the strainer. “I remember some of that from Aizawa’s classes. Mostly, I remember his getting cross with me for not wanting to practise that much. But I remember it taking up a good bit of your time.”
When you shut your recitation book a couple of minutes later, the top dropped to the ground, glow fading, and the kettle was boiling. You repacked your recitation materials and retrieved your enamel mug, and then you approached the shallow firepit, eternal coal burning with quiet crackling noises, as if there were wood around it.
You plopped down onto the half-buried granite slab near Shinsou, who has been tilting his head backwards, eyes closed, as he listened to the elk calls in the distance. He didn’t even startle as you sat next to him, so you were glowering while you lifted the kettle off the trammel and poured yourself tea. Can’t even make him nervous.
You flinched back from the heat—boiling, even for this cold weather. You set your mug on the ground in front of you and hunched over to appreciate the steam rising into your face.
Shinsou wasn’t watching, so you felt free to openly scrutinise him, to search for signs of why he’s here. He travelled here on foot—the bottoms of his boots were coated with mud, flecked with the shards of loose shale that got more common the father up the mountain you went—but he’s finally out of any of his sleeker, showier clothing for court; he’s dressed in the practical, stormy greys and blacks you’re used to, thick fabric tailored close to his body for streamlined movement, no shred of ornamentation except for his chain belt and those rings on his right hand. He’s taken off his oddly long scarf and wound it into a ball in his lap, and those eyebags have only gotten worse; they really do make him look like Aizawa has run him gaunt—
“You’re staring,” said Shinsou, eyes fluttering open as he leant into the sunlight.
You blinked, shame unfurling in your gut at being caught, but you made yourself hold his gaze. You took a deep breath and tasted cold, dusty grit at the back of your throat.
“You don’t look like you’ve come up the same path I have, nor are you packed for it,” you said, running your tongue over your chapped lips, “How did you find me? You said last time that it was because I’d used magic, which you say still leaves that orange aftertaste, and I haven’t used any magic since I last saw you. I have no lingering spells.”
And Shinsou grinned. Sucked in through his teeth. “I didn’t actually track you by the taste of your magic last time. No one would be—”
“What! What? You bastard! You bastard,” you said, elbowing him so hard that he toppled over to the side (and it didn’t feel like you’d actually done much, since he was laughing), “You’d better not be lying to me about this. It’s important to me that I haven’t failed in covering my magical signature.”
Shinsou pushed himself upright, gloved palm sticking slightly to the granite. “Fine, fine. You’ve been totally and utterly successful. No one would be able to track you based on your magic. You’ve completely masked the aftertaste with—it was so subtle I couldn’t name it.”
“Matcha powder,” you said, fuming.
He nodded. “I thought it was something earthy. The only reason at all that I can tell that there’s an extremely faint aftertaste of oranges in your magic is because I already know it’s supposed to be there. Otherwise, the matcha has successfully pushed your magic out of the notable trails of magic in the environment.”
You returned to your mug of tea and held your hands over it, steam seeping through your gloves. “How’d you find me, then?”
“Oh, you don’t know? You don’t know?” He grinned, eyes crinkling, and you were going to kick his perfect teeth in. “I thought you’d know everything, since you’re so well-informed on binding magic.”
Oh. Hm. You’d thought you’d known, too. “Seems as though my sources have their shortcomings, my lord,” you said through clenched teeth. What else did Yamada not tell you about binding magic?
“Then let me show you,” said Shinsou, shifting towards you and reaching for your hands, before flinching away. Brow furrowed, he lifted his head to look you in the eye. “May I touch you?”
You narrowed your eyes. “Within reason,” you said, cautiously lifting your hand towards him.
“Thank you,” he said, and he took it. He tugged your sleeve down enough that the silver band from the binding ceremony peeked out, and he ran his finger along the thin, silver line. “All right, another thing that the binding magic does is that it preserves a magical echo of your partner. If you go to the same location, you can see the exact magic your partner performed in the exact way that they cast it. I can demonstrate.”
Shinsou pushed himself up and strode across the clearing, and he raised his hand to—he paused. Blinked. Glanced over at you. “What spell should I cast?”
You scoffed. “Do you not know a single spell?”
“I do. I swear. I just haven’t used magic in so long that—”
“Do the fifth homilos. I know you know it; I was there when you—”
“Okay, okay.”
Shinsou said the monosyllabic invocation and traced the symbol in the air, glinting silver before fading into mist.
(You had a flash of when you, Shinsou, Midoriya, and Todoroki, as classroom bench-mates, struggled to memorise the nine homiliai while cramming before a practical exam. Shinsou had been crying, terrified he was going to fail, and you’d finally performed the fifth homilos on Shinsou, calming to a mild sniffle the moment he’d inhaled the mist.
He’d mirrored the symbol back to you, wanting to calm you down in the same way.)
“Right,” said Shinsou, jogging back to sit next to you, and he snatched up your wrist. “Did you feel how the band around your wrist got warm when I cast that?”
“Not at all.”
“Really? Maybe it’s too understated a warmth for—anyway, you can manage without that signal. Lick the band along inside of your wrist and look towards where I was standing.”
“Excuse me?”
“It’s activated by saliva,” said Shinsou, as if it were obvious, “Similar to how the bond was initially sealed by saliva during the ceremony.”
Increasingly sceptical, you pressed your tongue against your wrist and—oh, gracious. Across the clearing, a grey, ghostly, silent Shinsou mouthed the homilos and drew the symbol in the air, no mist manifesting, and when the spectre crossed to sit next to you, he left a wisping, lingering trail of ghostly grey behind him, leaving traces of each action he’d done on the way there.
You pried your wrist away from your lips, and the wisping trail vanished. Your head snapped towards Shinsou. “And this just…leaves permanent tracks for you to follow me with? Damn it,” you said, yanking your sleeve to cover your wrist again, “Does it only work when the other person casts a spell? This is mind-bogglingly unfair, since you don’t use magic anymore.”
“I’m told that the echo always occurs with the use of magic, but other significant life events might do it, too.” Shinsou shrugged, keeping his gaze on the fire. “You’ve got to remember that this is fae magic. We can’t fully know when the echoes are meant to appear, because fae magic affects each human differently.”
“Well, I fucking hate the echoes,” you said, grumbling as you picked up your mug, still steaming but cool enough to hold now, “And I thought I wasn’t gonna have any privacy before. Now you can see any magic I do. Have you told anyone this? Does this have anything to do with those knights at the New Moon Inn the other night? Can anyone still searching for me somehow track me through this, besides you?”
“Only me,” said Shinsou, “and, incidentally, no one’s searching for you at all. I lied.”
You splashed your tea onto his lap.
While you retrieved the kettle to pour yourself more tea with stiff, controlled movements (lest you throttle him), you asked, normally, like a normal person, without murderous intent, “Oh? Why would you lie to me, husband? You said you destroyed my letter explaining that I’m going on a supply run. You said that everyone thought I abandoned my post and was searching for me to punish me. You are going to tell me exactly what happened after I punted you back to the palace, and if you are hiding any shred of truth, I am going to shove the eternal coal down your throat.”
Shinsou didn’t answer for a minute because he was recovering from your spill; he was inhaling sharply at the burning liquid seeping through his clothes, but the fabric was proving too thick to effectively squeeze the tea out of it; he managed to slink over to the fire and knelt to get dry.
Not even a whimper, though. Pity.
(What sort of training has he put himself through, if he can handle that?)
“Answer me,” you said, cupping your mug.
“I’ve been good,” Shinsou spat out, plucking at the heated fabric to keep it away from his skin, “I’ve been so good for you. You should be grateful. I may play with you like this, but I am so, so good for you back home, as husband to the Court Mage. Not as if I’m going to break my end of the promise we made on our wedding night. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.”
“Then it sounds like you need to stop lying to me for your own enjoyment,” you said, “I expect we’ll both understand each other better if we’re simply honest with each other. Here, I’ll go first: I wanna crack your skull open.”
“Noted. But you can’t expect me to make it easy for you, can you? Fuck,” he said, last word under his breath, grimacing, and as he pinched fabric away from his thigh during his lean towards the fire, he brought his middle finger to his mouth, bit down on his glove, and pulled to remove it. Shinsou passed his newly freed hand over his thigh in what appeared to be an attempt to sponge tea from it.
“I suppose not.” You transferred the mug to one hand so that you could reach down to unloop your wand from your side—your gingko wand shot out of her scabbard and aimed towards Shinsou, tip sparking bright yellow. “But I don’t have to make it easy for you, either.”
Shinsou’s sharp eyes had darted around the clearing the moment he’d heard your wand’s initial zip, but in the single second it took him to locate the noise, he’d composed himself, looking as infuriatingly placid as ever (piss off). Moving slowly, smoothly, as if in the presence of a predator, he raised both of his palms, one bare and one still damp-gloved. “All right,” he said, “No need to mean it when you threaten me. I can behave.”
“Then do.”
“Very well,” said Shinsou, lowering his hands, eyes flitting away from the wand to you, “First things. No one is following you besides me. I don’t think anyone will send out a search for you for quite some time. No one thinks you abandoned your post, and no one thinks you’re in danger otherwise. Your letter was read, but I explained—to only Lords Aizawa and Yamada, of course—that you were too embarrassed to say that we were leaving on our honeymoon.”
You leapt to your feet to grab your wand out of the air, lest she jab Shinsou’s eyes out. Struggling in your fist, she fizzed out blue and white sparks; you shushed her, and, with difficulty, buttoned her back in her scabbard.
“Goddammit,” you said, dragging your hands down your face and peeking through your fingers at your second spilled cup of tea, this time seeping into the ground. Honestly, the tussle with your wand got the initial impulse to strangle him out of your system, so the urge could be suppressed now. Probably.
You knelt next to the fire and reached for the kettle. What could you say to Shinsou besides a slew of insults? You can’t do anything; you can’t kill him, and he heals too quickly.
Your fingers spasmed as they closed around the handle. You can’t even punt him somewhere. He’ll find you.
Two minutes passed in silence as you retreated to your seat on the granite slab with a third cup of tea. Every fibre of your being frothed with fury, but they gave one final shiver and let exhaustion sweep over you. So, what you broke the silence with was, “Are you not having any tea?”
“No,” said Shinsou, shifting to sit cross-legged, “but it doesn’t seem like you are, either.”
“Sod off. Have some.”
“Can’t, unless you have another cup.”
“You don’t even have a—you are not prepared to be out here for long, especially in this weather. The landscape will eat you alive.” You refrained from tacking on I hope it does. “Fill your canteen, for all I care. But let’s return to the subject at hand. I notice you said we’re on our honeymoon.” You pulled your cloak closer around your neck as the wind whistled, brushing loose a couple of the few, remaining dead leaves from tree branches overhead. “A fine excuse. You are not coming with me.”
“I should,” said Shinsou, very matter-of-fact, “I would be at your service.”
“I don’t think so.” You finally took a sip of tea, warming your insides, and you sighed into it, closing your eyes.
Shinsou leant back on his hands, his eyebrows raised so high that they disappeared underneath the edge of his slouching hat. “I could test every stage of your quest for you.”
Your eyes snapped open.
“I could ensure each step is feasible, that they’re solvable by the average person. You don’t want to make anything impossible, don’t you? Nor too dangerous?”
That had been eating at you. What if you’d designed a quest that had a puzzle that was too challenging or a feat too hard for your questers to undertake?
“If you take me along, I can confirm the quest seems both genuine and strenuous without it seeming too frustrating to continue.” Shinsou flicked his tongue over his lower lip and rubbed his thumb over a patch of earthy moss growing along the granite.
Tempting. But it’s Shinsou. “No. You’ll get in my way. Slow me down,” you said, “You don’t even have a mug.”
Shinsou smiled, picking at the moss. “Wouldn’t you love to have me as your quest’s first victim? Imagine all the pain you could make me endure.”
You shook your head. “What do you get out of this?”
“I wonder,” said Shinsou, bringing the peeled patch of moss to his lap and flipping it over to examine its underside. The hell?
Shifting gears. Since Shinsou could track you indefinitely, time to try to kill time while thinking of ways to dissuade him from following (because the obvious question, Don’t you have anything better to do?, had an obvious answer: evidently not). “Let’s tie up some loose ends,” you said, taking another swig of tea, “for the betterment of my morale. At the inn, a group of Yuuei knights appeared. Why would they show up, if they weren’t looking for me?”
“Chalk it up to coincidence,” said Shinsou, shrugging in an infuriatingly nonchalant way, “But it did rather help my story, didn’t it? They said they were searching for some smugglers of dried dragons’ blood. I told them I’d spent the whole day checking the residents of Renfield for the dragon blood’s magic residue and that I couldn’t detect any in the entire town.”
“I don’t…dragon blood leaves a residue? How do you look for it?” Huh! Didn’t know that. Would be helpful to know how to discern it for your own purposes, since you’d be more self-sufficient in sourcing it and wouldn’t have to worry your head off about Keigo getting caught.
Shinsou shot you a scathing glare. “There is no tracking method for dragons’ blood, dimwit.” He flicked the patch of moss in your direction. “If there were, you’d be in a bit more trouble, wouldn’t you? Since anyone could trace it to your tower. I said it to get them to leave. You’re welcome, incidentally.”
Oh, fuck off. The moss patch caught the edge of your knee, and you swotted it away. “Right,” you said, taking a deep, deliberate breath, since the urge to strangle him was rising, “Then why don’t you share your sources for binding magic now, since they’re more detailed than mine. You’re getting this from outside the archive, are you not?”
Shinsou stretched over towards you to snatch up the moss patch again (what’s his deal?). “My archive access was revoked years ago.”
You shut your eyes, took another breath, and opened them. “You didn’t answer my question. Listen,” you said, and you set your mug aside on the granite slab, leant forward, and held up your index finger and thumb, tips touching to form a circle. “I am this close to doing something violent and irreparable to your body. Give me some new information. Useful information. Please. Before I force sixty of these tree branches down your throat. C’mon. Why won’t you tell me anything real?”
Tossing the moss over his shoulder, Shinsou plucked at the nearly dry fabric clinging to his thigh. “You’re not asking the right questions.”
“God—dammit, this is why no one fucking likes you,” you said, and—and several things happened in quick succession: you moved to tackle him but restrained yourself, since he could overpower you easily, and then your hand shot to your wand, but you can’t actually do anything meaningful to him, since the binding magic won’t let you. You had to settle, unfortunately, for clenching your hands in tight fists, nails digging into your palms, while you gritted your teeth so hard you could’ve bitten your tongue off. “I try to meet you on your own terms; I call you what you’ve told me to call you; I entertain your attempts at conversation, and I can’t stand it. I gain none of the information I’m trying to learn, and anything I think I learn from you cancels out later. Net zero information. Talking to you is as beneficial as talking to flies on a corpse.” You were narrowing your eyes, shaking your head at Shinsou, who merely eyed you out of his periphery as he stretched out his legs in front of the fire. “It’s exhausting trying to sort through your lies and misinformation and misdirection. I need you to talk to me. I mean, goddamn,” you said, swiping your hand back through your hair, chest heaving, “Everyone would be more inclined to forgive you if you’d stop acting like a fucking changeling—”
You’re regretting the word before it’s fully out of your mouth; you inhaled sharply and moved to cover your mouth, bite your finger, something, but Shinsou’s breathing has already hitched, movements stiff, expression hollow and distant—
***
You’re thirteen years old; it’s ten months before the war starts; King Nezu is sick in bed, and perhaps that’s why the best doctors in the six provinces don’t have time to clear Shinsou’s name.
The accusations thrown about across years of bullying have finally manifested bigger consequences: after being estranged among his classmates for allegedly being a changeling, Shinsou has finally faced a changeling trial.
Changelings. Remnants from the fae who disappeared about a century ago. Angry that humans incarcerated them, stole them from their families, now stealing humans back and leaving fae in their places to sow the seeds of discord and bad luck. Changelings, if they were even real, were to be rooted out and destroyed, and if circumstances prevented it, at least marked so that everyone would know to avoid hem.
It started with the ambiguity of Shinsou’s origins. Everyone knew he wasn’t Aizawa’s biological son, but no one knew where he came from, and he and Aizawa weren’t sharing.
If you were looking for it, any of Shinsou’s traits could be read as fae. He’s too quiet; his memory’s freakishly accurate; he looks too young for his age; he has trouble being awake during the day and spends too much time awake at night, especially when it’s a full moon. He doesn’t get along well with others; he has a strange sense of justice that doesn’t line up with the other kids’ ideas; he’s strangely adept at dangerous things that should be difficult for someone his age. He’s more than content to keep to himself.
Just a bit too odd. A bit too sharp. A bit too unsettling, if you look him straight on.
And you were sitting here with Shinsou right now, on this winding staircase leading up to the astronomy classroom, because you’d been bullied at first, too, for being a commoner getting to experience a noble’s education and lifestyle, and the two of you’d latched onto each other because of it. The harassment had faded, for the most part, for both of you, but news travels, and people of consequence heard that Shinsou might be a changeling and did something about it.
Sitting a couple of stairs lower than you, Shinsou was crying into your lap, arms wrapped around your waist and trying to pull you closer. Of course he was crying; anyone would be in his situation: he’d failed the changeling trial, and they were preparing to brand him in a few minutes.
You were rubbing Shinsou’s head, fingers running through his hair, strands puffing back up immediately after being flattened, and you were scared and tired and confused and fuming, because of course Shinsou failed the changeling trial. It was totally and completely unfair.
The changeling trial that’d been chosen for Shinsou had been that of the burning iron. He’d been made to retrieve an iron file fresh from the forge, carry with his bare hand thirty paces, and plunge it into a water trough.
Of course he would fail. The results of the trial were determined a week later, after the bandages on his hand were removed. The idea was that since fae could not stand iron, a human would show sufficient healing from the ordeal. If his hand were still mottled and burnt, then he therefore was reacting to the iron and was fae.
But obviously Shinsou’s hand was still horribly blistered and blotchy by the end of the week because anyone would react that way to metal straight out of the fire. This should have been read as the standard human reaction, and those doctors attending King Nezu would’ve probably been able to tell, but whatever medical authorities they had available said that Shinsou was fae and had to be branded.
They were preparing the brand now, in the next room. Forming a C, the brand had to be heated in a magically enhanced fire that ensured the mark would be permanent.
“They said, said this wouldn’t happen to me,” Shinsou said into your lap, muffled by your robe and his stopped-up nose.
“I didn’t think it would, either. You’ve healed as much as anyone could in a week,” you said, eyes darting between the different shadows visible underneath the door crack, “but they brought in idiots to look at you. Why won’t Lord Yamada do anything?”
“Do you—” It took effort for him to swallow, and he tried to gather himself enough to continue. “Do you think he might be mad at Aizawa?”
You wrinkled your nose. “Why would he—oh, do you think he’s using you? He could, I suppose, but what could be going on between them that’s bad enough to let you get marked as a changeling? That’s cruel. That’s heartless.” You smoothed down Shinsou’s hair, and you scratched at the nape of his neck, where the violet hairs were cropped shorter. “Lord Yamada and Lord Aizawa wouldn’t do that to you. They like you too much. They love you. Besides, they seem to have a lot of plans for you, what with all those solo training sessions. I don’t think they’d just use you.”
A metallic clang resounded in the room over, and Shinsou nearly jolted out of his skin. He jerked upright, glanced over his shoulder at the shadows underneath the door, and turned back towards you, eyes wide and watery as he edged closer. His trembling hands tried to grasp at your skirts, but they were quivering so badly that he couldn’t hold onto the fabric, instead curling lightly into it with the folds falling from his fingers.
“I’m not silver-tongued enough for this,” Shinsou said, monotone and far-off, and then he turned frantic as he looked into your eyes. “I don’t know why they’re doing this. I don’t have any true traits of fae; they’re reading into it too much. Why won’t anyone believe me? What,” he said, and he’s panting. He yanked at his collar to loosen it, but the initial motion didn’t cut it, and he brought up his other hand to help—but Shinsou bit his tongue at how his bandaged hand didn’t help at all, and he dropped it to his lap. “I’m so useless. And now I’m always going to be useless. There’s no way my hand will heal completely, and this brand will—”
Something came over you, something from deep in your gut, and you leant forward to cup his face, the hollow sound echoing in the stairway. You’ve never touched your best friend’s face before, and he’s oddly cold. “I am gonna get so good at magic,” you said, shaking his face in your hands very slightly, “I am gonna find something to heal your hand all the way. I am gonna find something to make your brand disappear. And if I can’t—if I can’t, if anyone says anything bad about changelings or even fae, I’m gonna be so good and so scary at magic that no one will say anything, because they’ll know I would kill anyone and everyone to keep you safe. Got that? I’d—” You’re riffling through your brain for something extreme, to show that you mean it, and you settle on, “I’d make it okay for all the changelings and fae to come back into the six provinces so that no one bats an eye at you for even having the brand. You’re gonna be okay. We are gonna stick together.”
For some reason, Shinsou winced and scrunched his eyes shut. “You can’t say that. Oh, you can’t say that. You can’t let anyone hear you say that.”
Another crash from the next room. This time, it made you jump, but all Shinsou did was settle closer to you, nearly kneeling between your legs.
“I think they’ll come for me soon,” said Shinsou, taking your hands from his cheeks and holding them both between his, “I know you won’t want to, but I want you to listen to me scream when they do it. I want you to tell me about it later.” His voice cracked. “It’ll prove I’m still alive. That I’m still human.”
When they took him into the next room, you didn’t hear him scream. You still don’t have a word for the sound.
***
Back in the pocket of heat from the eternal coal, you’re reaching for Shinsou with shaky fingers, aghast that you said the word at all, since you’ve banished it from your vocabulary. Your fingertips brushed his shoulder, your slight touch visibly lurching him back into reality, as you managed to sputter, “Hitoshi, you know I didn’t—”
Shinsou got up and strode across the clearing, facing away, holding up a finger—ungloved, on his left hand, the hand that hadn’t held the iron—for you to wait.
You stood. Quietly poured your tea over the eternal coal. Wrapped it in the washcloth and started to stow it away. Your chest felt so tight that you might crack open; you had to busy yourself with something, but you found yourself just standing there, fidgeting, waiting.
One by one, his long fingers curled into a fist, which Shinsou lowered to his side. “You,” said Shinsou, voice low and smooth, “It’s time you stop insulting me with every breath. It’s childish. There’s no use: I know how you feel about me, and it’s not within my power to persuade you to feel otherwise. So, stop it. It’s a waste.”
“I’m not about to—”
“In exchange,” said Shinsou, turning towards you, ends of his scarf whipping around, “for holding real conversations with you. I can’t promise you everything.” He took a step forward, silent as ever on mulched leaves. “I’m acting on orders, and I have my own interests in mind. But. We are bound partners, and I will speak to you as such. But I can’t share everything. I’ve become a very private person, you know.” He jerked his head to the side, and the flash of his eyebrows nearly disappeared underneath the rim of his hat. “So long as you ask the right questions, I’ll answer truthfully. I’ll do my best to be earnest, but I cannot give you everything. To be frank, I don’t want to. I don’t think you deserve it. But! I’ll give you more,” said Shinsou, kneeling by the firepit and snatching up the tea sachets to pack them away, “So, feel free to start simple.” His violet eyes, dark in the shadows of the trees despite the light of the rising sun, flickered up to you and held you steady. “Ask me something.”
You swallowed thickly. It’d taken for him to feel like he was holding you down for you to remember you could move, and you doubled back to your bedroll to roll it up.
Your stomach lurched. He had swopped so easily to Nice Shinsou, albeit a bit sternly, and while it didn’t mitigate the stone in your gut, it was a bit of a relief that you didn’t have to deal with calling him a changeling. Last time you heard someone call him that (Ojiro, two [or three?] years ago), it had led to a physical altercation in what was otherwise a diplomatic meeting.
Or was this going to be the retribution for saying changeling? What sort of mind game was Shinsou setting up? You won’t play.
“Shinsou, my lord, you don’t have to do this. You can,” you said, scrunching up your face, the apologetic phrase heavy in the back of your throat, but you forced it out regardless, “You can come along to set up the quest. No need to make a show.”
Shinsou laughed as he buckled the top pocket of your bag. “Oh, you’re giving me permission? So freely? Well, that’s something I can’t pass up,” he said, holding out his arm for your tightly trundled bedroll, “But even I understand you can’t get something for nothing. So, I repeat—now as an equivalent exchange instead of a display of peace—ask me something, anything, and I’ll tell you everything. Honestly. In however much detail you want. So long as it’s a question I can answer.”
You passed your bedroll to him, and he smuggled it away into your bag, its bulk vanishing the instant it passed through the bag’s mouth. You tilted your head as you crouched next to him, your boot shifting on the slippery shale underfoot. “I suppose questions you’ve avoided in the past, like the ones on binding magic, are out of the running.”
Shinsou grimaced and gave a dismissive wave. “It’s easier to ask the right questions once you’ve mastered the art of asking. You need practise. Start with asking something superficial and easy. Those are often the right questions, because there’s nothing abstruse about them.”
“You’re no fun,” you said, and you cast your thoughts back and back and back, trying to come up with something that had a direct answer. Something superficial. Hardly anything from the war was superficial, and you had an inkling anything regarding the binding ceremony and the wedding night fell under questions Shinsou wouldn’t answer, so…
Equivalent exchange. Putting up with him for the quest would be irritating and probably humiliating in the long run, so you’d ask him something to the same effect. Something recent, that you could probably guess the reliability of. “Right. What happened—” You shut your mouth. You needed the phrasing that would produce the fullest and most honest results. “What is your complete perspective on the night I left you in the inn, focusing on your experience with the lust potion?”
Shinsou halted in his movement to return your bag to you, and his arm remained outstretched for a second when you took it. “Hm,” he said after a moment, and he pulled his hat, which had ridden up, farther down his forehead.
“Don’t like that one, huh?” Standing, you slung your bag over your shoulder.
“No, I. Hm,” he said again, sucking in through his teeth as he pushed on his knees to stand, “I suppose I walked right into that.”
You dug out your pocket runes and tossed them to yourself to read them in your palm. “Not something I was meant to ask? You’ve got to stop playing these games where you need a certain answer. You can’t expect me to read your mind.” Once the runes had given you an idea of what direction to go, you pocketed them, took a step upwards on the slab of granite, and looked over your shoulder at him. “Well?”
“I can answer your question,” said Shinsou, grumbling as he stuck his hands into his own pockets, “but I’ll wait until nightfall to respond.”
***
After a morning traipsing over the flatter slope of the mountain and the better part of the afternoon navigating through the adjacent ravine, you skidded to a stop once you could make out the tinny, distant rush of the waterfall. You turned on your heel to address Shinsou, at his careful five paces behind you.
“We’re almost at the shrine of the statue of St. Tsutsumi,” you said, steepling your fingers, “Normally I would not say anything. Normally I would not. But since we’re about to encounter a magical defence that I did not create, I’m giving you a warning: it’s going to get, uh. Peculiar.”
With a cocked eyebrow, Shinsou bounced on the balls of his feet, the tails of his chain belt clinking. “Vagueness does no one any favours,” he said, peering beyond you through the trees.
You’re still crunching on the guilt of calling him a changeling earlier, so you ignored his hypocritical remark. “You’ll want to be on your guard. Rest assured that this place has a finite end.”
You turned back around to take another step forward, and while Shinsou mentioned something about even that paltry warning being unfair to the future quest-takers, who would be totally unaware, you listened for when you crossed the barrier: a few strides farther along than you’d remembered, and it wasn’t the sudden, total silence of all forest ambience that alerted you for once but instead the icy and immediate shiver of magic surging upwards through your body, starting from the heel that crossed the barrier first.
Interesting. Tsutsumi must have let the magic ferment. Well, actually, no surprise, really, that the magic was stronger. The solstice was rapidly approaching.
You’d slowed to handle the shiver, but Shinsou strode past you. No physical reaction? What an idiot. How could someone be so inept in magic that he doesn’t even notice a boundary like this?
Okay, okay. Focus. First, since the environment no longer produces sound independently, you have to make it almost constantly to encourage balance. No way were you going to fall into despair here again just because of the absence of birdsong and rockfall and running water when all were within sight.
Conversation sufficed. You shook off the lingering tingle of magic in your foot and jogged for a second to catch up with Shinsou, casting your mind around for a topic—
“The quest-takers will have an idea of the shrine they are searching for, will they not?” Shinsou called over his shoulder, taking larger strides through the frost-slick underbrush to stay ahead of you. “Will you not level the playing grounds for me?”
“Of course.” Ooh, he’ll hate this. “Right in front of us, farther up the side of the mountain, there’s a wide, rectangular rockface next to the waterfall’s overhang. The shrine is next to the rockface. Do you see it?”
Shinsou squinted in that direction, and, almost as an afterthought, raised his hand over his eyes to block out the sun’s glare. The shrine was nestled into the distant treeline up the mountain, about twenty minutes’ walk from where you were.
“Spotted,” said Shinsou, lowering his hand, “I suppose you’ll want me to lead the way, to test how the unfamiliar adventurer goes about finding it?”
You hadn’t thought of that, but it would be for the best. “Please.” Inwardly groaning, you resigned yourself to be stuck in the barrier for at least two hours. Usually, it only took you about five minutes to get to the shrine from here, which wasn’t long enough for the grey to set in, but that’s because you knew the way to go.
Shinsou took off down the closest thing to a path, jagged and cut with knobbly roots and uneven stone as it was. “What does your quest entail?”
You narrowed your eyes. “We have covered this.”
“No,” said Shinsou, turning to walk backwards as he spoke, “You told me the reasons behind it and who would be completing it. You never said what happens during it.”
“If you slip on rock and crack open your skull, I’m not healing you.”
“Fair,” he said, and he turned to face forwards. “Not that someone without healing magic could nurse me back to health, anyway.”
You suppressed your violent urges, for, one day, someone will hand this exasperating bitch his ass. “The quest itself is pointless. What matters is the journey the questers will experience together.”
“My dear lady enchantress, I have that information; believe it or not. Stop playing around and tell me something new.”
“I was getting to it, you—hm.” You squeezed your hand into a fist inside your coat pocket. “I was only reminding you that the quest itself doesn’t matter in the bigger picture; it only has to seem like it’s urgent.” You passed the first of the plucked-bare huckleberry bushes strewn along the barrier, and, though subtle, you felt their prickling bewitchment that lowered the temperature just a bit more each time you encountered one.
At the chill, you checked for the shrine: the shrine was nestled into the distant treeline up the mountain, about twenty minutes’ walk from where you were.
“I can hardly fathom a sense of urgency coming from Yuuei court that doesn’t stem from interpersonal conflict,” said Shinsou, gambolling up a boulder on the side of the path as he waited for you to catch up (He really needs to conserve his energy, that idiot, and it’s not like you were that far behind, anyway!).
“That’s why it’s not going to be interpersonal at all. It’s going to be the houses uniting to work against a larger threat.”
As you drew nearer towards the boulder, Shinsou leapt from it and landed next to you without a sound. “Which will be?”
“Who cares?” you asked flatly, marching past him, “That’s one of the few parts I haven’t solidified yet, but I’ll think of something along the way. It doesn’t matter. But the point is that there will be this outside threat that unites the Houses of Yamada and Aizawa for certain members to go on this quest. What they’ll think the quest is meant to do is to gather materials for a magical ritual that will protect everyone from this threat. Aren’t you supposed to be leading the way, my lord?”
Shinsou nodded deeply. “Of course.” Passing you again, he whipped off his slouching hat to rake his fingers through his hair, smushed from the hat but gaining volume every second. “Didn’t you say that you have an oracle friend who’ll present this as prophecy? So, she’ll have to announce the threat, pitch this ritual as the solution, and coerce the correct people to undertake it. Sounds like she can’t err at all.”
“She can handle it. Even if she does mess up, I have ideas of how to fix things. Regardless, it doesn’t even matter if the quest-takers mess up exceedingly during the quest and end up not even obtaining all of the ingredients, because I have the last say on it all. The prophecy will also say that, one, I have to be the one to perform the ritual but cannot prepare the materials—”
“Sounds familiar.”
“—and that I cannot be involved with the quest in any way other than that final ritual. And then I’ll just cast something like, I don’t know, a cheering charm so that everyone will feel good about the whole thing. And, of course, the cheering charm would be gussied up so that it’d be unrecognisable. I wouldn’t need anything, let alone everything, that the prophecy requires, so it’s fine if they forget something or present a substitute.”
Shinsou let out a low whistle. “If I were a lesser man, there would be many words I would call you. For now, I’ll settle for a piece of work,” he said, stepping over a fallen tree and holding his hand out to you to help you cross.
You ignored his hand and climbed over the fallen tree, the fungal rot and decay wafting up through the split in the trunk, the first mark of increasing dilapidation. Fuck. You were taking too long to cross the barrier; the fermented magic must be setting in sooner.
At the rot, you checked for the shrine: the shrine was nestled into the distant treeline up the mountain, about twenty minutes’ walk from where you were.
“Well, thank you,” you said, wiping the wet-dust of the rotting tree off on your patchwork cloak (and the cloak then shook the dust to the earth), and with the motion, your gingko wand tugged at her latch at your side and whined a few sparks. “Not now,” you said to her, tying the front of your cloak together so that she wouldn’t be exposed.
Shinsou’s eyes followed your hands, but he shook himself and kept walking. “Why don’t you let her out? Seems safe enough.”
It wasn’t, but he didn’t know that. “This place always makes me feel like I’ve been breathing in ashes. I don’t want to expose her to all the dust. It might clog the pores in her grain.”
“Does that affect her spellcasting abilities?” asked Shinsou, suddenly sounding genuinely curious.
“No, she’s just finicky. She’s very particular about cleanliness, and I suppose that’s my influence. My magnolia and sycamore wands don’t care about it as much, but Ginkgo is my youngest and therefore the most impressionable. She is my most versatile at the moment, but since she’s a softwood, she’s more inclined towards spells with a lifespan of under ten years. More than that, and I’ll use Sycamore.”
“Why not the magnolia?”
“Don’t worry about it,” you said, shrugging one shoulder.
“Youngest,” said Shinsou, dragging his tongue along the inside of his cheek, “Impressionable. Softwood.” He tossed his slouched hat to himself, caught it, and started to work his back onto his head, tucking in his hair. “I’m afraid I must admit I know little about wands or wandmaking.”
You shook your head. “That’s probably healthy. It’s a discipline no one likes to get into. Seems profitable, sure, but it’s not an efficient process, unless you do it incorrectly. Which some people will do,” you said, kicking a rock out of your way, hating that it only made noise once it made contact with your boot, “The few who study wandmaking long enough to do the process correctly usually fall into three camps: they get overwhelmed by the intensity of care and never make a wand; they make a single wand, get overwhelmed, and never try again; or, by some miracle, they have a knack for it and can continually make wands with care—usually from the same tree over and over again, or trees that the original tree knows, since the majority of the labour comes from bonding with the tree.”
Shinsou finally managed to pull his hat over his forehead, his wild hair neatly hidden. “Very few members of that third category, I expect.”
“All of them mad. I admire them but have no desire to join them,” you said, checking for the shrine: the shrine was nestled into the distant treeline up the mountain, about twenty minutes’ walk from where you were.
Shinsou shot you an incredulous look. “Are you not one of them? You’ve made multiple wands from three, different trees, and all of them still function.”
Debatable that all of them still function. “I deserve not such praise. I place myself in the second category; my stubbornness didn’t allow me to get overwhelmed until after the third attempt.”
“Still,” said Shinsou, peering over his broad shoulder to speak to you, “Surely you consider yourself skilled enough at wandmaking? Most people never make a single one.”
“Eh.” Passing yet another barren huckleberry bush, your breath started to cloud in the cold. “Sycamore was a test run. Magnolia was made out of spite. Gingko was made out of obligation.”
“What do you mean—”
“My voice is starting to hurt,” you said, pressing your palm to your neck. The drop in temperature, along with the strange, metallic tang from the cold, wet stone made each breath passing through the back of your throat sharper and sharper. “You talk for a while.”
(The sun hung in the sky at the same, low spot it had when you first entered the barrier, but outside of it, it’s got to be nighttime by now. The forest had already been slowly shifting into total grey, but it might not be too noticeable if you’re not looking for it, since it’s winter. You’d like to get to the shrine before the corpse animals started roaming—each one still perfectly alive and healthy but under an illusion to look like they’re rotting—because once you’ve seen something that might have been a deer chew and swallow its food before all of its teeth fell onto the forest floor, you can’t really shake that image.
C’mon, Shinsou. We’ve got to get out of the loop at some point. Figure out the patterns and break it.)
“You’re not involved in the quest aside from the spellcasting at the end, hm? I expect you’ll spend that time preparing to retire.” He clasped his wrist behind his back. “Knowing you, you wouldn’t want to worry anyone, so you’ll behave as usual on the outside—barring yourself in your tower, nose in your books, constantly working so that no one will bother you. No doubt there’ll be chatter when you lock your husband out of your bedroom.” Shinsou clicked his tongue. “But what do you care? So long as you’ve got Yamada’s approval, you’ll do whatever you please.”
“Lord Yamada doesn’t know that I’m retiring,” you said, frowning, “He won’t know until it happens.”
“Aren’t we moving up in the world? Not only are you concealing a quest setup, but you’re concealing your retirement. I’d say I’m proud of you, if it weren’t the bare minimum.” Something unreadable passed over his face, but it disappeared quickly. “So,” he said, clapping his hands once, “Tell me about St. Tsutsumi.”
You cleared your throat. “Excuse me?”
“You’re making her shrine the first stop on your quest. She’s important, yes?” Shinsou held his hand up to block his eyes from the sun, and he scanned your surroundings, with the shrine nestled into the distant treeline up the mountain, about twenty minutes’ walk from where you were. “I’ve never heard of her,” he said, continuing forward.
“That’s because she’s not a canonical saint. She’s more of—” You jerked your head to the side, and with the gesture, you lost your footing slightly over frost-slippery shale but managed to catch yourself. “—a folk figure. She’s not the standard picture of a saint, really, because early in her life, she murdered many people on behalf of her benefactors. The story goes that she realised that she was a living weapon when she was removing her cleaver out of one of her victim’s chests, and the blade took out the woman’s entire heart, still quivering—not quite a beat, per se, but moving. Tsutsumi had a moment of recognition that this woman could’ve been herself, and she had never truly done anything that she wanted, while she’d just murdered yet another person doing something she loved.
“Tsutsumi tried to escape her kingdom, because once she stopped obeying her benefactors, they revealed that she was behind the murders and tried to have her executed. But she escaped her kingdom, ended up in Yuuei, and made a house for herself in these mountains, as a place to hide from it all. But people could still find her, if she wanted them to, and she would help them resolve certain things—problems involving concealment and secret knowledge, which she knew a lot about because of the double life she’d been living under her benefactors. She became known as the patron saint of secrets. Eventually, her house was converted to a shrine, and a statue of her was built inside. They say that part of her spirit inhabits the statue, and, if you do as it instructs, it will aid you. And we’re going there first, because she’s my friend.”
Sniffing in the cold, Shinsou wrapped another coil of his scarf around his neck. “How could she possibly be your friend? Since this all happened long ago—”
“I didn’t say that, did I?” you said, coughing at the wear at your voice. “But that story does sound like it happened long ago. I wonder if somebody made it that way on purpose.”
Shinsou’s face fell. “How do you know her?”
“She’s the very first person whose life I changed for the better with magic.”
“Is she?”
“Yes. Do you recognise any of this landscape?” you asked, gesturing broadly.
“I,” said Shinsou, gazing in the direction of the shrine, nestled into the distant treeline up the mountain, about twenty minutes’ walk from where you were. “Isn’t one wood like another?”
“I worry about how little you pay attention to your surroundings, my lord. I,” you began, but you stepped over a sloped, wet stone in the path and onto a fallen branch, held back your wince at the rot-soaked snap, and remembered to whom you were speaking. “Are you kidding? As I recall, you’ve always been one of the better woodwards out of our cohort. Or am I imagining the high marks in druidry, or how you outlasted everyone but Asui and Tokoyami in our wilderness exam? Quite frankly, what are you talking about? You can’t have lost all of that in such a short amount of time.”
Shinsou let out an enormous, petulant sigh, dragging his feet through slick leaves. “I did not miss your lack of a sense of humour.”
“What?” you asked, laughing nervously, half at the accusation and half at the greyed, partially skeletal corpse of an owl peering down at you from an overhead branch. “I have—I’m funny. I’m very funny. I’m extremely—why do you say that?”
“Well, I didn’t miss the way obvious jokes fly past you, then,” said Shinsou, stretching his arms above his head with a soft grunt, his shirt straining and becoming untucked, with his hastening to tuck it back underneath his waistcoat. “My one wood like another comment was meant to be a joke.”
“I didn’t see any humour in that—”
“Obviously it was supposed to be about all forests are the same because this forest has looked the same for quite a while, how we keep passing the same stretch of trees and bushes and—”
“You’ve noticed? You’ve known all this time that we’ve been—”
“Going down a repeating pathway? Yes,” said Shinsou, halting in the middle of the trail and turning towards you, resting his wrist on the hilt of his dagger, its scabbard riding low on his waist. “Should I not have?”
You stopped a few paces short of him, pebbles skidding under your feet, free to make noise now that you’ve touched them. “Well,” you said, crossing your arms, “Well! The whole—the whole point of you even being here is to let me know how hard these quest stages are. If you’re not letting me know your thought process throughout, then I can’t mitigate any potential problems. You’ve got to let me know in the moment, not afterwards.”
“Very well.” Nodding, Shinsou turned to continue down the path. “I thought you would want me to solve it without your input entirely.”
“Ideally, yes, but,” you said, following, “I need to know what you’re thinking along the way.”
“Noted. Am I allowed to know if there’s more than one solution to this? I suspect there is, because while the landmarks stay the same, I’m seeing a variety of—animal cadavers? Walk in and out of our trap. Does this magic affect only humans, then?”
“Correct.”
Shinsou laughed through his nose. “Ought to be easy, shouldn’t it? We simply follow one of the animals to the edge of the trap and break it from there.”
You shook your head. “The animals have nothing to do with the solution. They’re just here for atmosphere.”
“Hm.” Shinsou’s shoulders hunched. “Do you have to solve the puzzle each time you visit?”
“I don’t,” you said, “I only did it once, and that was when the barrier was much less intentional. It’s much simpler to solve now, but I will say it’s easier with more people. The solution for a single person is more annoying but requires less brainpower.”
Shinsou slapped a hand over his heart. “You’re cruel, to leave me to solve it with the annoying solution.”
“Hey, I never said you have to rely on the single-person solution. There’s two of us here, so the barrier should register that. For the sake of this puzzle, I’ll follow instructions you give, once you suggest anything to try to get out of here,” you said, checking the location of the shrine, nestled into the distant treeline up the mountain, about twenty minutes’ walk from where you were. Good Lord, could he hurry it up? He’s almost taking as long as it takes for one person to get out of here. The multiple-person solution isn’t hard at all, but you supposed it did require some thought, which Shinsou might not be capable of.
But with a sudden rip, as if somehow a page has been torn from your chest, you were left lighter and frazzled from a weight you hadn’t noticed had settled into your ribcage now lifted; you stumbled to your hands and knees, wet leaves pressing faint indents into your palms as you finally broke through the barrier and staggered back into the world of sound and colour.
You pushed yourself back up, hardly able to hear your own thoughts now that the nearby waterfall churned so loudly, and you blinked up into the indigo paper lanterns hanging from the shrine’s entry gate, swaying in the whistling night wind. The smell of decay was mercifully replaced with the clean scent of lavender, wafting from the hearth just on the inside of the shrine. Tsutsumi had better still have those pink futons from when you used to visit more often; they were so much more comfortable than—
“Not much of a puzzle,” came Shinsou’s voice from where he crouched near the koi pond, where he dipped his finger in the water to stroke at a fish, “if all it takes is walking until you breach the barrier.”
You paused, one foot already on the first stair leading up to the shrine. “You’d better wash your hands at the tsukubai before you start heading up.”
Standing, Shinsou flicked water from his fingers. “Was that truly the solution, or did something go wrong?”
Huh. “I think, with the imminent solstice, the magic might be a touch loose. Nothing to worry about,” you said, worrying about it.
“So, something did go wrong,” said Shinsou, trotting up to the tsukubai and lifting the ladle.
“No. Of course not. It’s just that—the barrier must have made a mistake and registered a single person instead of two and therefore accepted the single-person solution. It’s probably because it recognises me and didn’t count me,” you said, shrugging, “So, yes, walking until the barrier is breached is a true solution—if there’s only one person present. For multiple people, each person is supposed to spread out as far as they can from each other within the loop. Once they hit the farthest point from each other, the barrier breaks. So, if it had registered us as two people, we should’ve been able to break the barrier through walking in opposite directions for a while.”
Nodding, Shinsou grinned as his eyes followed the overflowing water, dripping into the suikinkutsu, which was collecting water droplets to drain underground in a cheerfully musical way. “But your quest-takers won’t be here near the solstice, so they’ll be fine?”
“Of course,” you said, tapping your foot over the notes of the water draining (casting a glance beyond him towards the tea garden, its mossy paths and weeping willows lit with stone lanterns, and wishing the visit weren’t on business), “Now, when we go in, you’d better not embarrass me in front of my friend.”
The hearth had been lit recently. The tips of dried lavender stalks still clung to the side, the rest of which had been burning slowly and engulfing the place in a thin but balmy cloud of heady scent. Toeing off your shoes and encouraging Shinsou to do the same, you put on the slippers by the doorway (two pairs—she’s been waiting).
In the middle of the worn, stone floor stood the statue of St. Tsutsumi: a stone woman standing tall, with a batwing cleaver in each hand and her hair and dress carved as if caught in the wind. You directed Shinsou away from reading the inscription on the base and towards the spot at which the statue’s cold, stone eyes glowered down, eyebrows pinched.
“Right,” you said, standing to the side, “Now. The quest-takers will be here to ask how to get to the Okuto Library, which contains the book that details the ritual they’ll need to perform. I won’t make you ask after the Okuto Library, so you can ask the statue whatever you want.”
“Ask the statue? It’s a statue,” said Shinsou, leaning forward and squinting to finish reading the inscription, “Saint Tsutsumi Kaina, Patron Saint of Secrets. To get a secret, give a secret. Hm. Does the statue have access to all knowledge, or does it have limits?”
“Don’t worry about it,” you said, pulling three floor cushions from behind a wall panel and setting them near the hearth. “I can tell you more afterwards. Right now, you’re just one of the questers. You read the inscription; you have to tell a secret to the statue in order to get information from it, and your secret has to be information you’ve never told anyone before, ever. She knows if you’re lying; she knows if you’ve said it to someone before.”
“Fascinating. I don’t care for that at all,” said Shinsou, and he clasped his hands behind his back, tapping his heels together as he sulked towards the floor.
“Well, start thinking of something,” you said, stooping to sit cross-legged on your cushion, joints popping, “because if you tell her something anyone else knows, she chops off your head.”
Shinsou shook himself, eyes snapping up towards the statue’s face and following along her arms to her sharp, stone cleavers. “My apologies; I believe I misheard.”
“You didn’t,” you said with a curtly chipper smile, “Get talking. Pretend I’m not even here.”
Shinsou ran his tongue over his lower lip. “Now?”
“Obviously.”
“Hm.” Shinsou nodded slightly towards the floor, pupils darting back and forth as he raked through memories. “All right,” he said after a minute, rolling his shoulders back and staring into the statue’s eyes. “I’ve got something. When we were eleven, in the winter our cohort were all selecting trial apprenticeships for the season. I was chosen to go apprentice Eishi’s primary woodwarden. I didn’t go. While everyone else spent the winter out learning in the field, I stayed in the castle and continued my normal studies.”
You scoffed. “As if that’s a secret, my lord. I know that. You got sick again and spent the winter bedridden. Midoriya and I spent a good deal of our apprenticeships staying by your bedside.”
You barely got the last word out when the ear-splitting scrape of limestone on limestone screeched across the shrine—the statue of Saint Tsutsumi moved, rearing her arms back to deliver the blow.
“No, no, no, that’s not the secret,” said Shinsou, holding up his palm to the statue, urgent but ostensibly not panicked, “The secret is I made myself sick.”
Your jaw dropped. “What? Why would you do that?”
(The statue stood still.)
Shinsou stooped, bowed his head a little, making himself seem smaller for the statue, and he spoke quickly. “Working with Eishu’s woodwarden would’ve been an absolute honour. I know I’m skilled. I know it would’ve set me down a successful path of druidry for the rest of my life. But they would’ve sent me up to Eishu every winter until they could plant me in that vast, empty forest permanently.” Lowering his hand, Shinsou frowned, tearing his eyes away from the statue towards you. “I could see that, even at eleven, and I didn’t want it. I didn’t want to leave—my friends.” He checked the statue out of his periphery, and once it seemed stable, he fixated on you. “So, three days before everyone left for their apprenticeships, I headed out during the night to the Tavon River—not the part that cuts through farmland, mind, the measly part where it starts to taper off before brushing against the Tiirnham.
“The water still runs there, and I undressed and stood chest-deep in that rushing water, splintering ice slushing about the surface. I stayed until I could almost see through the wrinkled skin on my fingertips—or, at least, until I hallucinated that I did. And it worked. I was the sickest I’d ever been. Everyone thought I was going to die. But I didn’t have to go, and I got to stay in the castle longer with everyone, and you and Midoriya and Rody Soul were there with me, and it was gossamer sweet.” Shinsou’s eyes rolled back before his eyelids fluttered closed. He inhaled audibly, even at the distance.
You busied yourself with twiddling a burnt end of a lavender stalk. It’d be cruel to interrupt something like that.
Shinsou came back to himself with a deep sigh. “Will that suffice?”
“I think it will,” you said, nodding towards both him and the statue.
“I have given my secret,” he said to the statue, “and the secret I want in return, if it is within your power, is the story of how this woman—” He jerked his head in your direction. “—and St. Tsutsumi know each other.”
Wind whipped through the shrine, its whistle joining the sounds of water both coursing violently through the waterfall and clinking, bell-like, down the suikinkutsu.
As the rattling of the screen walls on the northern side slowed, you groaned loudly, dragging your hands down your face. “All right, Kaina, you can drop it now.”
The statue’s chest scraped and screeched with an inhale, and when it took its first step off of its pedestal, the limestone fell away (aside from the bottoms of her feet), leaving a flesh-and-blood, human woman striding towards you and plopping onto the third cushion set near the hearth. She leaned over to hug you, and over her shoulder, Shinsou’s eyebrows shot up when she greeted you by your given name.
Tsutsumi slumped back towards her cushion, supporting her weight by leaning to the side on her forearm. “The hell is all this? Even when Takami Keigo came around, you never asked me to break character. Who’s this guy, if he’s allowed to see this?”
“He’s—” You glanced at Shinsou, who crossed his arms. “—my business partner. I’m teaching him all the tricks of the trade.”
“Come, now,” said Tsutsumi, tapping her stone-coated foot in your direction, “I can tell when you lie.”
You groaned again, throwing your hands up in the air. “He’s my stupid husband—”
“Perhaps the stupid husband could be allowed to follow along in the conversation,” said Shinsou, crossing to the vacant cushion to sit on it and reaching across your bag for his canteen.
Liquid. Liquid would be good. You turned to Tsutsumi. “Do you keep any tealeaves around anymore? Still have that stash of dried fruit?”
Tsutsumi shook her head. “I think you finished it off when you were last here.”
“Right.” You reached for your own canteen. “Kaina doesn’t need to eat or drink anymore,” you said to Shinsou.
He cocked a brow as he took his last swallow, and as he plugged the mouthpiece again, he said, “I believe I’m owed the story of your relationship.”
You checked with Tsutsumi. “Do you mind if I tell the short version? And if I tell it truthfully? Thank you.” You took a mouthful of water before continuing. “Right, what I said before was true. I just left some things out. First of all, all of this happened recently. Less than two decades ago. Kaina and I met during the first year of the war. I got lost on a scouting mission, and I found Kaina at her lowest state. She was dying. Bleeding out in a cave. Her benefactors had sent someone else after her. She didn’t want to die yet. She wanted to live long enough to redeem herself. To help other people. To have time to think. And I was young and stupid and inexperienced, and I’ve never been good at healing magic. We agreed I would help her live, and it didn’t matter how. The only magic I knew at the time that could guarantee her life was bonding her with the limestone in the cave.”
“I like to think of myself as an oread now, even if I’m a bastardised version of one,” said Tsutsumi, twisting a strand of her hair around her finger.
“We moved into this province so that she could hide, and we planted the idea of her as a folklore legend in the nearby villages and have encouraged it to spread. We said that she lived long ago so that no one unnecessary would bother her, and she shifts into full limestone to act as the statue when desperate enough people come by.”
“You’re…” Shinsou narrowed his eyes. “So, you’re human—mostly. Originally. I know there’s magic to discern if someone is lying, but I don’t detect the strong magic it would require coming from you, and to the best of my knowledge—” Shinsou nodded at you. “—there’s no extant spell that would allow you to assess any information to know if it’s been shared before. And if it did, it would take an enormous amount of—”
“He is your husband,” said Tsutsumi, poking her tongue into her cheek. “Well spotted. Even if the second type of spell exists, I don’t employ either of those. What you do not detect is my much subtler, mundane magic that alludes to secrecy and truthfulness, paired with deduction.”
“Pardon?” Shinsou glanced at you again, but you were rummaging through your bag, sticking your outstretched arm into its depths.
Tsutsumi smiled, flipping her hair over her shoulder. “When I was fully human, the only magic that ever came naturally to me was detecting differences in temperature. Detecting heat. Made me very useful in hunting. Bonding with the limestone made me extremely sensitive to vibrations, especially when through limestone itself. So, lying is easier to detect—you flush, you sweat, when you’re nervous. I can see that warmth. Your heartbeat spikes. I can feel that through the floor, made easier because it’s limestone. You weren’t lying. No flush, and your heartbeat is very calm.” Tsutsumi tilted her head. “It did jump, but only in one spot.”
“Found it,” you said, exhuming a pack of dried fruit slices from your bag, and you offered some to Shinsou, who hesitantly took a single gooseberry from the pouch. “But she mostly relies on how other members of your party react to what you’re saying.”
“I see,” said Shinsou, frowning at the gooseberry pinched between his fingers, “Is every step of this inane quest going to be this meticulously manipulated?”
“Of course not,” you said, tonguing a tangy slice of strawberry to the inside of your cheek, “but it helps when the first few steps are highly predictable, to aid it from going astray too quickly.”
You then explained the quest to Tsutsumi, who agreed to serve as a step on the quest and appreciated your description of the questers she could anticipate.
“So, the adventurers can decide however they want who tells you a secret—and if they misunderstand and think each of them has to share, let them. It’ll help them understand each other better. What I’d like you to do, please,” you said, pulling it from within your cloak, “is to reward them with this key.”
Tsutsumi took the partially rusted, iron, skeleton key from you, turning it over in her hands, feeling its weight. “No label?”
“They’ll be asking how to get to the Okuto Library, so I assume they’ll know it unlocks it. You can remind them, if they seem to be overthinking.”
Tsutsumi nodded. “I can store it in the statue base. Since it’s not made of limestone, it won’t permanently stick inside, and I can eject it from the stone once they’ve shared secrets.” She pocketed the key. “Thank you for giving me the opportunity to help.”
“Of course. I worry about you, Kaina, since I can’t come out here as much anymore,” you said, holding out the pouch for Shinsou to take another piece of fruit (a slice of cherry, this time), “Incidentally. Have you recast the barrier spells lately? It was loose when we were inside the loop. Only accounted for one of us, instead of both.”
Tsutsumi screwed up her face. “No?” She took a moment. Cracked her knuckles. “No, but the solstice is soon. It’s probably just the fizziness from the shorter days. It’s time for a maintenance adjustment, regardless; I’ve had trouble with it before.”
You started to get up. “Want me to help you?”
“No, no,” said Tsutsumi, holding up a hand, “I’ll handle it. There’s no rush. In fact, it would be wonderful if you spent the night in the shrine so that I can go sink into the limestone boulder underneath the waterfall for the night. I love feeling eroded.”
After confirming that she would let the other adventurers sleep in the shrine (after all, you didn’t want Shinsou to experience luxuries on the quest that the standard adventurers would not), Tsutsumi wandered off to the waterfall while you and Shinsou set up your camp for the night. Since Shinsou was an idiot who had barely anything on him, this consisted of you arranging your usual setup, with the addition of the pink futon you always slept on when visiting Tsutsumi. You’re not trying to experience the exact conditions of the quest, so you can have the luxuries.
“There’s a village on the other side of the mountain that we’ll cross through tomorrow. We can stop for a while for you to get supplies for the journey,” you said, stirring the pot of sukiyaki hanging over the sunken hearth (you could’ve reheated your pre-made sukiyaki with magic, but something about the reheating spell left an acrid aftertaste).
Shinsou fingered the corner of the blanket you’d loaned him and nodded vaguely.
Hm. He’s been weirdly quiet since you and Tsutsumi discussed the quest. Shouldn’t he be yapping your ear off by now? “Are you well, my lord?”
Shinsou’s eyes flicked to you dully. “What a vapid question.”
You had half a mind to keep all the soup to yourself. Well. You’ve already shown your interest by asking, and if Shinsou wants to be difficult about it, then so be it. You’ll just wait for him to spill. After all, Shinsou likes to hear himself talk too much for him to be this silent.
It took until his spoon was scraping the bottom of his soup bowl to say rather indignantly, “You and Tsutsumi call each other by your given names.”
You paused in lifting a spoonful of the sweet, salty broth to your mouth. Returned it to the bowl. “I don’t see how that’s even a topic of conversation.”
Shinsou set his bowl on the side of the hearth. “Why do you do it? When did it start?”
What’s he on about? “Does it matter?”
“I’m simply trying to understand the parts of you I haven’t seen yet,” said Shinsou, and he crossed his legs and folded his hands together, resting his elbows on his knees. “You don’t allow even Yamada to call you by your given name.”
“That’s Lord Yamada’s decision. He’s never said it, and I never pressed.”
“He’s your father,” said Shinsou, leaning forward, violet eyes glinting in the firelight.
“He’s my patron,” you said, waving a dismissive hand.
“But he’s supposed to be the one closest to you, and even he doesn’t call you by your name, when this St. Tsutsumi woman does—”
“If you must know, we call each other by our given names because it was the most practical thing to do when we met. As a scout, I didn’t want anyone tracking me back to the House of Yamada, and Kaina was easier for her to say at the moment than Tsutsumi. It’s hard to make an s sound when you have bleeding lacerations in your tongue and the roof of your mouth.”
Shinsou blinked. “I see.” Sat back. Watched you eat another spoonful. Swallow. “So, you’re being so loose with your given name despite not having a deeper relationship—”
“I don’t follow what you’re getting at, my lord,” you said, jabbing towards him with your spoon, “You’ve already established what you want me to call you. I don’t—”
(You had an evil thought.
Of course it was an indicator of a deeper relationship to call someone by their given name. Of course it was incredibly inappropriate and rude to call someone by their given name if you haven’t been given permission.
[Aside from that, using surnames bolstered court formality, and that was the nub and gist of why Yamada and others didn’t call you by your given name, only surname and title. In addition to habit, you supposed.]
Shinsou’s never called you by your given name, not even when you were children.
[He’d kept it a secret that he’d ever given you permission to call him by his given name back when you were nine years old—the only real reason you even remembered it at all is that he’d gotten you a flower you’d never seen before, a lotus. And then Shinsou had suddenly gotten worried that everyone else would see it—you’d figured he’d stolen it from a noble’s garden—so you floated it down the Tavon River.]
Calling him by his given name pittered off during the war. Wasn’t efficient to have to clarify about whom you were speaking every single time.
But as kids, he’d deliberately said he didn’t want permission for your name, only that he would give you his, so long as you never said it with anyone else around.
What if you gave it to him now? Would it baffle him so much that he exposes what he’s really thinking about?)
“—I don’t care what you call me,” you said, supressing your smile the best you could, “so long as you stop calling me an enchantress. I can’t stand the accuracy. Otherwise, you can address me however you want. Even—”
Your lips hardly formed the first shape to say your name before Shinsou flung the blanket at you, and you found yourself fumbling backwards underneath a flurry of scratchy wool, spilling your remaining soup all over your lap and cushion, wooden bowl kortling against the floor until it came to a stop.
“What is—” You jerked the blanket down from over your head, hair frizzing, clutching the damp fabric in your lap. “—wrong with you?”
Cool as you please, Shinsou sat cross-legged on his cushion, pulling at a hangnail. “Nothing wrong with me.”
“I—” Was it even worth it? “Your behaviour is going to catch up to you some day. Please take a moment to imagine me throttling you.”
“Didn’t we agree you’d stop threatening me?”
You pushed on the side of the hearth to stand and assess how soaked through your trousers and cloak were. “We agreed I wouldn’t insult you anymore, actually.” Urgh. You could magically dry them, but they’d still smell like sukiyaki and have a sticky residue. To thoroughly clean them, you’ll have to change out of them.
Sighing, you summoning four, invisible pins to hang the blanket over the fire, and you knelt again to dig through your bag for a change of clothes. Well. If you’re humiliated, he can be, too. “Didn’t we also agree you’d have until nightfall to tell me a certain something?”
Shinsou stretched to pick up your upturned bowl to set it next to his. “Are you still on about that?”
You shot him a look.
“A trap of my own design. Very well,” said Shinsou, scanning the floor for your spoon, “What did I do after you abandoned me in a strange town, bleeding out and delirious under experimental drugs?” He tossed your spoon once to himself and set it with a soft clink on the hearth. He hummed when you snapped your bag shut after only retrieving a clean linen shift and another robe. “Is that all you’re wearing?”
“It’s not as if I have to impress anyone,” you said, shedding your patchwork cloak and getting to work on your buttons, “I’m not Court Mage right now.”
Shinsou tilted his head, just staring quietly. When you moved to pull your trousers down your hips, he slowly turned away, facing the statue base. “Hm. And here I was, contemplating how on earth I was going to inform the Court Mage of the effects of that lust potion, because she would be reporting it back to her broker to help him sell it.” He stretched his arms out in from of him, dipping into shadow, and he flexed his fingers. “Firstly, I would tell the Court Mage that I could only taste the granatus, not the potion itself, so that Bibimi at least did a fine job of making it tasteless. Otherwise, I believe she should be arrested.”
You smiled, since he couldn’t see it, and shimmied as fast as possible into the clean shift, letting your wet trousers drop to the floor with a smick.
“I felt it almost immediately. No texture or the like, but warmth blossomed the moment it hit my stomach. I would’ve made myself vomit, but I could feel that its magic had already seeped in. The initial feeling was not unpleasant. A moment of lightness. Airiness.
“Secondly, I would tell the Court Mage that the potion seems too heavy in side effects to serve sensual purposes, and, in addition, it would be too much pain for the average human. Overheating, spasming, shortness of breath. It’s difficult to communicate because of how much effort one has to commit simply to breathing, so surely that would not be alluring in a sexual situation.”
He’s gesturing with his hands as if he’s facing you. Shaking your head, you crouched to unpeel your damp hose.
“The most dangerous thing about it, I believe,” said Shinsou, “is not that it last almost eight excruciating hours, instead of the six you claimed, but that it affects the brain.”
“The—it’s a lust potion; it shouldn’t affect the brain. It’s meant to only affect the body,” you said, wrapping the robe around you and cinching it shut, “You can turn around now, by the way.”
Shinsou planted his hands on the floor to spin his cushion back around. “Bibimi needs to be closely observed, if she can craft a lust potion that affects one’s brain. It seemed to want me to think of nothing at all. To give in. To let it consume me and let my mind warp. Therefore, it was actually quite helpful that you stabbed me, because it provided me with a different bodily sensation to focus on.”
Perhaps this is the part where you should apologise for stabbing him.
Instead, you conjure more invisible pins to hold your wet clothes above the hearth.
Shinsou cleared his throat. “Again, I would remind the Court Mage that it lasted for eight hours. I was successfully sexually stimulated the entire duration. I do not recommend it. It is my suggestion that this lust potion be removed from your broker’s shop immediately and that no one ingests it ever again.”
“Huh.” You turned to shake Ginkgo awake out of her scabbard, and you muttered to her the words for deep-cleansing the clothes. “That’s…extremely helpful, actually. Very detailed. I’ll send a letter to Keigo pull it from his shelves as soon—”
“But what I’d tell my wife differs.”
His tone was cold. Sharp.
A spike of fear jabbed up your spine like a nail splitting through wood.
“You’re heartless, my dear. I’ll tell you exactly what you want to hear: I was brought to the lowest I could be, desperate and whining and panicking, hardly able to breathe for moaning and hardly able to think for the miasma of desire blocking all rational thought.” Shinsou lifted his chin, eyes half-lidded. “Reduced to nothing. To begging for relief that never came, to chasing that orgasm like I would die without it. Every shred of energy spent by the time I managed to crawl towards the ripped patch from your cloak, not because it could heal me, but because when I sucked in, I could taste the scent of oranges in the back of my throat.”
Heartbeat pounding in the roof of your mouth, you glanced towards the spot where his neck met his shoulder—the vividly blue edge of the patch just barely poked out from underneath his shirt collar.
“You enjoyed imagining me, didn’t you? Knew I’d lose myself, spent and rubbed raw while I mindlessly humped the bed, touching myself with my left hand so that I could still smell you on my right, waiting until I was close enough to the edge to let myself taste you. You made me bark like a dog.” He smiled, distant and lacklustre, as he ran his hand back through his hair. “I tried not to make any noise, because you’d love that, wouldn’t you? Love to hear me cry and whimper, pathetic and pitiful and wretched? And at the thought of easing you down onto my cock and holding you there, I found myself talking to you. My sweet, sweet enchantress—look at me,” said Shinsou, shaking his head, eyes narrow and gleaming, “I’m going to ruin you. Not today, of course, and perhaps not any time soon—but the way I was talking, you’d think you’d been wrapped around my cock that instant.
“I was imagining you bringing me to orgasm each time, and the fog in my mind was so thick it felt like you really were. You kissed and licked and sucked all along my stomach, not daring to touch my cock until I gave you permission, focusing instead on the indents my clothes had left on my skin. Or you brought my mouth to your breasts, begging for my fingers and guiding my hands over your body and mine.” His gaze glazed over as he stared into the fire, and Shinsou slid one hand over the other until he grazed his rings, which he began to twist around his finger. “When I finally sank into you, you couldn’t deny that you were as soft and warm as I’d imagined, and you clenched around me, despite claiming you didn’t like it. And I imagined fucking my cum deeper and deeper into you with every thrust—and yet. And yet,” said Shinsou, almost slipping off his silver ring, “When the fog spat me out, I had nothing to show for it but every shred of energy spent, a damp bed, and my softening cock in my hand. Intense repugnance as well, but what else shall I associate with you?”
Shinsou slid the band all the way back onto his finger and seemed to come back to himself, and he rolled his shoulders back, one at a time, stretching his arms above his head, a joint popping. Wincing, Shinsou shifted into a sardonic grin, icy gaze pinning you to the edge of the hearth. “Well?” he said, “What does my wife have to say to that?”
Binding Magic and Other Medievalisms | 6 | Shinsou Hitoshi
Series Masterlist
Summary: You learn some concerning things about Shinsou and yourself, and you teach Shinsou a lesson you already knew: rushing the Gauntlet sucks.
Warnings: female reader. Sexual content. A tornado (and it’s discussed using terribly anachronistic terms, since I think modern terminology is sexier than saying “whirlwind” repeatedly).
Note: consent continues to be complicated. Right now in the story, it’s still mostly dubious consent (sexual coercion + reluctant consent) in terms of what’s spoken about their relationship, but it’s made more complex by reader’s unspoken, half-supressed affection for the Shinsou she used to know (prompting her to both want and not want him). If this sort of tenuous consent is something that might be upsetting for you to engage with, please click away and do not read.
~8.3k
You jerked awake, strands of dead, frozen grasses swaying in the night wind, and Shinsou wasn’t in his bedroll.
Nor anywhere in your camp, actually. You managed to sit upright, rubbing sleep out of your eyes as you scanned your campsite: the usual circle surrounded by your protective wards and, tonight, bolstered by an invisible dome meant to block out the cold, upon which snow was gathering like the roof of a tent. Your and Shinsou’s bedrolls lay on opposite sides of the stifled fire, cookware packed away, bags at your feet. His many blankets were all layered on his bedroll (his wasn’t magically charmed to retain heat), but they’d all been shoved to the side when he’d gotten up.
You’d melted the snow within the circle to make pitching camp easier, but outside of camp, his snowy footsteps trailed off into the woods. No sign of struggle.
Normally, you wouldn’t care, but with this weather, Shinsou could get sick, which would be a massive damper on the quest set-up. Whatever he’s doing, it’s not important.
By the time you laced up your boots, you’d had an evil idea: what if you sneaked up on him? Or, at least, sneaked part of the way. You needed to practise your shadow-stepping regardless, and it’d be a sign of improvement if you could surprise Shinsou.
Standing, you thumped on the underside of the dome so that the snow slid off the sides, clearing the view, and you squinted up at the moon. It hadn’t been long since the new moon on the solstice, but the waxing crescent still peeked out from the fast-moving snow clouds.
You twisted until your shadow lay in front of you. You liked to think you were building your tolerance for shadow-stepping—but you were not yet good at it. Turns out a good deal of the nausea comes from overstimulation: to make up for silencing your own movements, the technique made you hypersensitive to other noises, and the sensation overwhelmed when one wasn’t accustomed to it. You haven’t been able to do it for more than a few minutes without almost throwing up.
By all accounts, it should be magic. It should be. There’s no way this is just natural. But you felt no magical effort or output when you tried it; it really seemed like all it took to be able to physically try it was Shinsou’s shadow explaining it to yours (???).
You bounced on the balls of your feet, stomach queasy in anticipation. Perhaps Shinsou’s shadow could speak to yours some more, this time on how to prevent nausea.
Hell, perhaps you should talk to your shadow.
“Hi,” you said, crouching, and your shadow crouched with you. “I don’t think we’ve ever really spoken.” You felt like a buffoon, but—since Shinsou said shadows talked to each other, then there’s some sort of communication or sentience going on. It can’t hurt trying, especially since Shinsou wasn’t here to witness your idiocy. “I’m going to try to shadow-step in a minute. We’re going to try to sneak up on Shinsou to bring him back here, all right? He can’t be getting sick; he’ll do nothing but bitch if he does.”
Your shadow did nothing.
“I would love it if I didn’t throw up this time. I would love it if my stomach didn’t even turn. Do you know how to stop some of that?”
Your shadow did nothing.
“That’s fine,” you said, standing, hands on your hips as you stared up at the scant moonlight. It didn’t truly matter if you were successful or not, but it’d be nice to surprise him.
You looked down at your shadow again. “All right,” you said, lifting one foot, “I’m gonna—hm.” You lowered it, tilting your head. Your shadow tilted its head, too. “When I’ve shadow-stepped before, I’ve stepped forward onto you. Do you think it would be different if I stepped onto you from the side?”
Your shadow did nothing.
You nodded, vaguely feeling like you were still in a dream. “Gotcha. I’m coming at you from the side, then.”
When you took the second steps fully onto your shadow, the world flipped—once, twice, and when you stumbled out of it, your ears were ringing as you held your arms out to steady yourself. The ringing faded, replaced with the crisp sounds of a beetle stripping away bark on a nearby tree, the light footsteps of a lynx treading through the snow across the clearing, the soft plop of snow as it grew too heavy for one branch to bear, a barred owl’s call from somewhere deep in the forest, and—and you were bearing it.
Stomach okay. Head not pounding. You couldn’t guess how long this luck would last, but you’ll ride it out as long as you can.
You followed Shinsou’s trail out into the dark, his footprints sunken and growing round edges from the new snowfall as you wound your way between darkened tree trunks and skeletal shrubs, the sounds of the forest burrowing into your ears, whether from the wet, smocked leaves under the layer of snow beneath your boot or from the juncos perched treetop-side far, far away.
Feeling a bit giddy from this newfound power—this silence you haven’t been able to touch, this silence that Yamada kept from you. You splayed your fingers widely above your head, obscuring the dappling moonlight, and your shadow did the same on the crisp-white snow. You snapped your fingers, and what should have produced a clean-sounding thack instead produced no noise at all.
You took a running jump into the snow, throwing as much weight as you could into the landing, and yet there was nothing. Nothing.
No noise. And no magical aftertaste, since this somehow wasn’t magic. If it weren’t snowing, you’d be completely unable to be traced, and at that thought, adrenaline surged through you.
(Isn’t this a key part of what you want? For when you retire, for no one to be able to find you.
And Shinsou’s just given this to you: the first stepping stone to your new life.
[Well, no one except Shinsou will be able to track you, because of the binding magic, and that’s a problem you’ll sort out later.])
You were a shadow, and your own ran along with you.
Lightheaded and breathless by the time you spotted a swath of violet hair in mottled moonlight, you ducked behind a thick spruce, slowing to a stop to catch your breath before pouncing.
But all air may as well have been squeezed out of your lungs, because not five metres away from you, Shinsou had his cock in hand, breathily panting, as he gave slow strokes from base to tip, very, very slightly twisting his wrist on the upstroke.
Because shadow-stepping has brought the world into tune, you can hear it all: a grunt in the back of his throat that he bit back, followed by the shaky drawing in of breath that could’ve passed for sobbing or choking, the slickness against skin as he moved his hand up and down his cock (but it must not be slick enough for Shinsou, because for a split second, he withdrew his hand for spit with vigour into his palm, and from there, the sounds of wetness grew), slowing when he dragged his fingers over a protruding vein, and the hitch in his breath when he gripped himself firmly again. Hell, you could hear the subtle scrape of flesh against tree bark from where his opposite forearm pressed against that birch, which he was leaning against for support.
(Several things rushed through your mind at once.
Firstly was oh, you’re not supposed to be here. You are not supposed to be here. There’s a reason he’s sneaked away from camp, and it was to be fucking polite, so as not to wake you up with his sexual proclivities and for his own privacy. You were being so fucking rude by intruding. He’d kill you if he were able.
But, subpoint, the fact that you’re seeing any of this means that you are shadow-stepping to such success that even Shinsou cannot detect you aurally [since you were seeing him mostly in profile, with more of his back towards you than his front, it’s not as if visuals exactly come into it]. But, sub-sub-point, perhaps this isn’t a fair test of your skill, since Shinsou seems to be, uh, heavily distracted.)
Shinsou rubbed his thumb over the string of clear fluid trailing down the head of his cock, and when his jaw dropped at the sensation, he let it hang open.
(Secondly, since when has Shinsou had any sexual impulses? When the rest of your cohort had grown interested in it all when everyone was at the threshold of puberty, he’d hunched farther into his books, and as the war split your class in two, though both sides spread libel against others regarding their sexual appetites, Shinsou had never been targeted for that. Whenever you’d overheard Bakugou, Kirishima, and Rody Soul talking about their exploits with Shinsou, he’d seemed quite uninterested.
You supposed he’d shown some interest during your wedding night and the night at the inn, but…something felt off about those. They felt different from the Shinsou you were travelling with now.
Which brings you to your third and oddly unnerving point: on your wedding night, you agreed to do anything he told you in private, specifically within a sexual context. Shinsou didn’t need to sneak away to touch himself at all; he could have made you make him come; he could’ve been fucking you into your bedroll every night. Why has he not?
Not that—not that you particularly want him to, but you agreed to it. You consented, albeit in a heavily coerced manner, and since you’ve been on this quest for over a full moon cycle, you’d think something would have happened.
[Really, truly, not that you wanted to add sex to your troubles right now, because adding sex to all of this would really complicate things and, moreover, weigh down the quest with the stress of wondering if he really liked you for you or if he were just using you for your body, or if it were a power/revenge thing, or if—you really did not need all of those excess worries right now, because you had enough of them thinking—])
Shinsou sucked in a ragged breath, the ends of his chain belt clinking as he changed from moving his fist to shallowly thrusting into his hand.
(Your best friend had an unbearably pretty cock. He actually had some colour about it, unlike the rest of his concerningly pale skin, and the ruddiness of the head and the pink of his shaft were only slightly diluted by the saliva and arousal smeared thickly over it. You can’t really make out a precise measurement, but he’s long enough that his hips have to significantly rock back and forth to pass through his fist; you couldn’t really get an accurate idea of girth at the angle you’re watching, either, but his fingers aren’t touching his thumb as he’s thrusting into his fist, and that piece of information, paired with the pinkness of his shaft currently matching the tinge of his sharp cheekbones in the cold, sent sparks of something into your own gut.)
But as you peered around the tree trunk, arousal was quickly replaced with distress winding a coil in your stomach. Now that you were looking, you noticed Shinsou had fastened his sole garter around his arm to keep his sleeve from getting in the way as he touched himself, and it exposed his left forearm, all the way up to his bicep. You got a good look at what he’s been hiding: his changeling brand, a raised C in the crook of his elbow, skin pallid and stretched taut and still angry after all these years. Yet so much anguish over so small a mark.
And Shinsou’s lips were moving, muttering so quietly that you wouldn’t’ve heard it, if you hadn’t been standing in shadow, so muffled he’s practically mouthing that, “Please, please, please,” as he’s hunching in on himself, screwing his eyes shut as he comes hard, all over his palm, dripping into the snow, body trembling from release and practically glowing in the moonlight. Panting, Shinsou looked at his palm in disgust and shook his cum off into the snow. He pressed his forehead to the arm he was using to steady himself against the tree and closed his eyes again, chest heaving.
Your head hurt. At first, you figured it was from guilt, but once the nausea kicked in, you understood it was because your luck in shadow-stepping was swiftly running out. Perfect timing, sure, just when he’s of sound mind enough to kill you when he sees you. Great. You made it three steps away from your hiding place behind the spruce before your knees buckled, and once the threat of vomit arose, it doesn’t take much convincing for you to step off of your shadow.
When you did, Shinsou spun towards you immediately, horrified eyes wide open as he tried anew to fling cum from his hand delicately and raised the clean one in defence. “It’s not what it looks like,” he said, voice rasping and cracking on the last syllable.
If he’s panicking and fighting for his dignity, you’ll let him fight, to distract from your invasion of his privacy. “What is it, then?”
Shinsou hesitated, and then he became very interested in wiping his hand on his hastily fastened trousers. “You, uh. Shadow-stepped here, then?”
“Can’t stand to think you might have been too distracted to notice a clumsy bitch like me clomping about in the snow?”
“Don’t call yourself a bitch,” said Shinsou, examining his palm a final time before ultimately hiding it behind his back and finally looking you in the face.
You took a noisy crunch-step closer to him to prove your point. “Fine. And yes, I did shadow-step. For the longest I’ve ever done it without feeling sick.”
He smiled in a thin line, taking a slow step towards you himself. “Figures.”
You approached each other at a curve, rounding in on each other. “So, I sneaked up on you, at long last. Aren’t you proud of me?”
You expected him to bite back, but all he did was nod once and say, “Very.”
You narrowed your eyes before letting your gaze fall to your feet, both of you casually circling each other, both pacing in the same path, which, by the time you chose to speak up again, had worn down to the dead leaves under the snowmelt.
“Why have you been hiding that?” You mimicked his posture, clasping both hands behind your back while you paced.
Shinsou raised a brow, glanced downwards, and back to you.
“No, you idi—your. Your changeling brand,” you said, “I thought it would fade.”
“It has. But I know what you mean—I thought it would have faded more by now, too, but I reckon it’s stayed this way because the brand was magically augmented.”
“Still—I think it’s stupid that you’ve been hiding it from me; you don’t have to. I was there.” You stopped walking, and Shinsou mirrored you across the circle. “May I see it?”
Shinsou met you in the middle and held out his left arm, stuffing the loose ends of his sleeve back into the garter. “I’m used to hiding it,” he said, and it made sense: up close, the brand stood raised above the rest of his skin even more than you remembered, and the strained skin around the border wasn’t a natural red or purple like you’d expect but instead a sickly pale, enchanted green, almost as if it’d been water-colour painted with wyrm blood.
You traced the C, distinct even with your eyes closed, and winced. “For all the trouble it’s caused, you’d think it’d be more ostentatious.”
“I can imagine much worse,” said Shinsou, “Frankly, I’m glad it’s as small as it is. Hurt like the devil when they—well.” He heaved a huge sigh. “Not ideal that it happened to me, but I wouldn’t want it to happen to anyone else, either.”
This stupid thing. This stupid brand that was the result of bullying, that got him excluded from things everyone else got to participate in, that got enormous amounts of libel published about him, that ruined his reputation forever, that meant he would never fully be accepted by the people of Yuuei, that meant he would always be labelled as an Other, that meant his potential for a legitimate marriage candidate was probably thrown out the door, and thus only a marriage as political tool would do…
“I hate this fucking thing,” you said, grazing the brand with your ring finger, “I wish it were healed over and gone.”
Shinsou shook his head, the hints of a smile playing on his lips. “It can’t. It won’t. If the House of Aizawa’s best physicians, trained in magic or otherwise, can’t scrub it from my skin, then even you, my dear lady enchantress, in the chance you’d be able to channel all of your ingenuity into something of a healing spell, are definitely unable to heal it.”
“Hey. I could do a little,” you said, with no ideas, looking over the mark again for clues.
He was fully grinning now, and it was exasperatingly evident in his voice: “Kiss it and make it better?”
***
Though you were lacing up your boots as quietly as you could, Shinsou stirred in the other cot in the cramped, windowless, hostel room. You couldn’t blame him for clinging to sleep: the harrowing journey south has lent itself no time for sidetracking, and the too-short bed, worn thinner each time someone dared lie on it, was the closest thing to civilised comforts you’d had in weeks. Time to ruin it.
Grinning, you said, “About time you show signs of life, my lord. We need to get a move on.”
Mouth closed, Shinsou groaned in the back of his throat and stretched out, unfurling himself from his curled clamp on his side, feet dangling off the edge when he did so. “I can’t fathom why you’re so keen on putting yourself through hell again.”
“Because you’ll be going through it, too,” you said, leaning back on your hands on your own, thin cot that smelled of old sweat and spoilt porridge, “Believe me, once you go through it yourself, you’ll understand why people never stop talking about the Gauntlet.”
By the time Shinsou was ready, you had already notified the keeper you were leaving and were waiting outside of the trapdoor to the hostel, tilting your smiling face up into the early morning sun. When he climbed out into it, he winced, shielding his eyes, and asked, voice wobbly from sleep, if you could get coffee before proceeding. You conceded: another civilised comfort would boost morale.
Outside of the sole hostel, here along the northern rim of the Gauntlet ran the permanently temporary market—always having to be broken down at the end of the day, because the winds that surged from the canyon at night blew down almost every structure for miles, with only the scant underground residences, carved from the same slate as the canyon, surviving. A budding throng of merchants were in the process of setting up their stalls for the day, still too blearily blinking into the sun to yet bark their goods at you.
Shinsou and you wandered through the growing stalls, strolling through displays of tools (ranging from ropes and lanterns to hand-carved runes and Diamond Beast leather) and tchotchkes (including gem-bark armguards, thistle wool, and charmed amulets) as you tried to find one that would sell you breakfast. By the time vendors were awake enough to try to sell you pre-mined ore from the canyon, you were purchasing a blackberry hand-pie for Shinsou, some sort of mysterious honey-cake for yourself, and more coffee than you should really be ingesting from a stall also trying to sell you alcohol not half an hour after sunrise.
Shinsou turned down the merchant’s repeated offers of mead, wine, and their signature drink that they were calling swampwater, and he took your hand to drag you over to claim a bench overlooking the canyon. You’re quite pleased to notice that Shinsou did a double take upon seeing the Gauntlet, the endlessly massive gorge stretching all the way out to the horizon, its steep slate walls cut over the ages by what was now a narrow river winding through its ravine. Unable to tear his gaze away, he eased himself down onto the bench next to you.
“By far the biggest canyon in the six provinces, and for much beyond them.” You took a gulp of your coffee and burnt your tongue. “Deeply haunted, too.”
Shinsou snapped out of it and turned towards you. “Beg pardon?”
“Well, I say haunted,” you said, trying to speak without letting the burnt tip of your tongue hit the roof of your mouth, “Not in the traditional sense. The Gauntlet used to be a normal gorge, until the magicians who discovered the starstone mines underneath Yuuei unearthed a ton of stored-up magic too powerful for anyone to dispel about a hundred and fifty years ago. They contained it here, and it’s become…” You flashed your eyebrows. “Something of a hotspot for adventurers trying to prove themselves and a major inconvenience for the average person trying to travel.”
“What makes it dangerous? Looks normal. Has normal canyon things,” Shinsou was saying, gesturing with his coffee cup, “Cliffs. Trees. Birds. Couldn’t take more than a day to cross it.”
You unwrapped your honey-cake in your lap. “It would take about half a day to cross at one of the narrower points, if not for the wild, fermented magic. It’s taken over. The forecasters back there,” you said, jabbing a thumb towards the market, “have spent a lifetime mapping the Gauntlet’s zones. The zones—the physical spaces stay the same, but each zone has a certain—trap, I guess, to it, not like the puzzles we’ve been setting up for the quest but more along the lines of unfeeling things that try to kill you. Anyway, the traps change zones each day, and the forecasters try to predict where each trap occurs each day. It’s a feasible living, actually, because so many idiots buy into the lottery to fight the Diamond Beast.”
The corner of Shinsou’s mouth quirked upwards. “Which is?”
“Don’t even think about it,” you said, “It’s this stupid—it’s a lion-alligator-wolf creature that regenerates each day when the zones reset. You saw the leather for sale, yeah? Its hide is nearly impenetrable, making it a valuable source of armour and a bitch to kill. Absolute fucking morons enter the daily lottery to have the chance to kill it—too much demand to let everyone at it at once.” You took a noisy slurp of your coffee. “Beautiful. It’s a damn beautiful animal, but it’s fussy as hell. Didn’t want my dried fruit. Only took my fucking chocolate.”
Smiling crookedly, Shinsou kicked his feet out, inadvertently kicking a stone over the cliff’s edge. “How’d you kill it?”
“Didn’t. He likes being killed each day. Says it helps him destress from the pressure of being moved around by fermented magic. So, I didn’t give him the satisfaction.”
Shinsou paused. “It’s—he’s intelligent? Why are—”
“He hardly talks to anyone; he likes being killed; he only spoke to me because he wanted my chocolate. It’s a good setup for him,” you said through a bite of your honey-cake, “but anyway. The Diamond Beast is the main attraction of the Gauntlet for most people, but you can’t just charge in and find him. Living things cannot enter or exit the canyon magically, so you have to find him on foot, and you’re on a time limit.
“The absolute ideal is to rush the Gauntlet—that is, to cross it in one day. This is because the Gauntlet resets each sunrise, meaning the zones shuffle, and because after your first day, your outside supplies, aside from the clothes you’re wearing, are teleported somewhere along the outer rim. People collect them, and you can pay to get them back once you’re out. And you can survive in the Gauntlet without outside supplies, because there’s enough materials within it that you can restock; it’s actually useful to make your own weapons or armour once you’re in the Gauntlet, because the Diamond Beast and other creatures are more susceptible to them than outside weapons.”
“How long does it normally take someone to cross? Since rushing it is so difficult,” said Shinsou, tearing his blackberry hand-pie in half and biting into the glorious sludge.
You had to think. “It depends on where you cross. I know at its narrowest point, which is nearby, you only have to cross through four zones, and it’s totally doable in less than a day if you get good luck on what traps are there. But it’s as if the Gauntlet knows that and sends its worst traps there, like the tornado and the fungus horde, so it takes people a couple of days. I think the average group plans for around six days of travel? I’m not up to date about that.”
“You seem up to date on everything else,” said Shinsou, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, “Why do you know so much about this place? Passing interest? A hobby?”
“Oh, not exactly,” you said, taking another sip of coffee now that your tongue wasn’t feeling so burnt, “I had to learn. Part of the qualifications for being Court Mage is the ability to rush the Gauntlet solo.”
Shinsou gripped his hand-pie so firmly that its blackberry guts squeezed onto his lap. The plop broke his eye twitch and prompted him to release his claw-like grip, and as he daubed at the mess with a handkerchief, he said lightly, “Ah. Of course. I forgot for a beautiful moment that either of us were employed. Perchance. Why the hell did that man make you rush the Gauntlet as a child.”
“I was of age when I finally did it,” you said, shaking your head. And then you sucked in through your teeth, nodding. “But I did have my longer attempts before I was an adult. I believe I was averaging about a week each attempt? But it was fine. I was fine. It’s not like we can do anything about it now.”
Shinsou cast you the most impatient, intensely sardonic look you’ve ever seen.
You sighed. “We’re not gonna kill Lord Yamada—”
“I personally think it’d be a great idea—”
“We’re not, okay? We’re not. Even if you have lingering homicidal sentiments towards him, I’ll remind you that the war is over, and you lost. Killing him would be rude and start conflict all over again. May I remind you that we are setting up this quest in the name of peace.”
Shinsou held your gaze for a moment, and then his shoulders slackened as he looked out over the Gauntlet. He raised his cup to his lips, and your eyes fell to his neck, where his Adam’s apple bobbed underneath hundreds of paper-thin scars as he swallowed. “Of course. Whatever my wife wants.” He was smiling again.
Something about it made you want to bash in his skull. “I’m going to go find a map of today’s predictions and another rag you can use to clean up. Stay here and enjoy the view.”
Backtracking through the now bustling sea of stalls, you bought the day’s zone map and a washcloth, and you lingered around one of the smaller leather stalls. The Diamond Beast had caught his attention, and you wouldn’t be seeing it today, so it wouldn’t hurt to peruse its leather wares…Since when were gloves so expensive? Couldn’t replace his slutty little half-gloves at that price. Something else, something smaller…
When you returned to the bench, Shinsou was tilting his coffee cup almost vertically to lick up the dregs, his violet hair rustling in the slight breeze. You unfolded the map, printed on the coarsest, thinnest paper you’d ever touched, and scooted next to him on the bench so that he could get a good view.
“Looks like we actually have a few benign ones right in front of us: the quicksand and the wheat maze are insulting easy. We should route through those.”
“What about geese?”
“No, that’s a bad one. There’s so many more than you can imagine, and they’re incredibly aggressive. We also want to avoid the fungus, scorpions, and sinkhole for certain; I’ve had bad luck with those.”
Shinsou pointed to a zone just past the river. “What exactly is rot?”
You followed his finger. “That’s a nonviolent one. Just rots more and more of your food the longer you stay in the area. That one’s quick to traverse.”
Shinsou scanned the map, and he ran his tongue over his lower lip, glancing at you out of his periphery. “May I make a request?”
Not a fabulous sign. “Sure,” you said cautiously.
“I know we’re trying to rush the Gauntlet,” said Shinsou, interlacing his fingers in his lap, “but if we have time, may we go through the tornado?”
“I—” It really wouldn’t take that long. The tornado had fast turnover and wasn’t too out of the way from the direct path you were plotting. “All right,” you said, turning back to the map, “Care to explain why?”
“I would like to see one.”
The map crumpled as you dropped it to your lap. “Is that it? You’d like to see a tornado?”
Shinsou crossed his arms. “I’ve read about them but never experienced one. Whenever there’s been one, I’ve been away.”
“How do you—”
“I don’t know.”
“Interesting. Interesting,” you said, narrowing your eyes, “There’s been so many. How do you—”
“My dear lady enchantress, you have had the luxury of having a home during the war. Aizawa dragged me to places even beyond the six provinces, so forgive me if I haven’t—”
“I get it,” you said, “We can go. It won’t add too much time; most tornados last under ten minutes.”
A crowd was starting to swarm the makeshift market, mostly to hear the daily drawing for who gets the opportunity to fight the Diamond Beast, by the time you and Shinsou started down the steep trail down the overhanging cliffs along the edge of the canyon, some of whom seemed to be part of a men’s adventuring guild hazing their inductees by coercing them to run the Gauntlet. You and Shinsou exchanged judgmental looks all the way down the worn path as their voices carried, loudly bragging about whose sword was better or placing bets on either who would emerge first or what zones contained each trap, as the prediction maps were not always accurate. But as the trail twisted and sloped ever downwards, the market clamour faded, and the chasm birdsong and the sound of the river rapids grew.
Shinsou ducked underneath a fir branch, keeping an eye on his feet to avoid slipping on the steep path. “I don’t see anything unusual.”
You pulled the strap of you bag farther up your shoulder. “A trap isn’t visible until you’re physically in its zone.”
Shinsou hummed, and he kept humming a song that had been popular about ten years ago as he unravelled his long scarf from around his neck.
“What’s got you in such a good mood?”
“I like hiking,” said Shinsou, wadding his scarf into a ball and shifting his rucksack around to his front so that he could shove the scarf into the top pocket, “It’s not the same back home, is it? The land is so flat, regardless, and the closest mountain I know too well. I like it better when I know the land less. A hike should surprise me. The splendours are new every morning, y’know?”
“You still like it after all this travelling by foot?”
Shinsou swung his rucksack to his back again and tightened the straps. “Of course. It’s more energising and peaceful when there aren’t other people around, don’t you think? Don’t have to worry about what anyone will do or think.”
You stepped carefully around a root. “I’m around.”
Shinsou glanced back over his shoulder, a brow raised. “Yes, but you don’t count.”
“Huh,” you said, and you let the trilling warblers and vireos fill the space for you. Nearing the final layer of rimrock towards the flatter shale, you didn’t even need to consult the map for the first boundary, because while the line itself remained invisible, the forecasters’ guild had marked a battered, sideways-growing hemlock at the bottom of the crag with bright blue paint, signalling the edge of the neutral cliffside.
You held out your arm in front of Shinsou to get him to halt, too. “We’re about to enter the first zone, which today’s map says is the wheat maze. I need you to take a minute to memorise the ground in front of us. Look for anything that would make it difficult to cross from here to that boulder shaped like a slice of watermelon.”
When the sole of your boot grazed the earth beyond the hemlock, golden wheat stalks sprung up to your waist, stalks thickly packing the zone, which was fairly small, as you could see all of the borders clearly, down the trail about forty paces and lengthwise about the same. Outside of the wheat zone, the canyon remained coated in shale and continuous forest, with its flora and fauna unchanged.
“I think it’s meant to be a maze for children,” you said, proceeding without much difficulty towards the watermelon boulder, merely mindful of where you’d noted protruding rocks, “since the wheat is so short.”
Shinsou followed you, spreading his fingers over the wheat as he went, interrupting the sound of the wheat bending in the breeze. “I appreciate an easy one.”
You’d normally route next to the zone of least resistance, here being the quicksand, but since Shinsou wanted to visit the tornado, you instead passed the watermelon rock into a cradle of erosion-polished slate covered in thousands of freshwater crabs, clicking and scuttling.
“Crabs?” Two at a time scampered over the toe of Shinsou’s boot.
“Crabs,” you said, trying to move with haste but impeded by the lack of non-crab ground to step, “The most common trap the Gauntlet employs is probably this strength or at least a nuisance in numbers sort of thing.”
Your point was underscored by the next zone containing enormous swarms of bellicose bees. Following that was a zone of earthquakes (the native moose and deer proceeded to chomp on underbrush as if they couldn’t feel them) and another of living bones. You had to sprint through the avalanche, dodging tumbling rocks and yelling directions over the fracas back towards Shinsou, only to trip towards the end and skin your knees and palms. Luckily, the next zone was the Orchard of Falling Fruit, so you could pass through it slowly, so long as the acid didn’t splatter you, while wrapping up your injuries.
Your route veered left, and you were delighted to discover that the map had been wrong about its adjacent zone being wildfire; instead you were greeted by a gaggle of adolescent night wyrms, all just learning to hover above the ground, since they’d finally reached the size of polecats, and sneefing and snorfing about cheerfully, all rubbing up against the both of you like overexcited puppies and eager to stick their snouts in your palm to be petted.
One of them could fly a bit more skilfully than the others and propelled itself up to lie around your shoulders like a bulky scarf, its fuzz tickling your neck with each wheezing exhale. You scratched underneath its chin now, standing at the corner of the zone with the map open, scrutinising the land beyond its border for a safe place to settle.
When you spotted one, you told Shinsou to be ready to run as you set the wyrm on the ground (it sneefed mournfully), and you dashed into the next zone, running along the border as overhead a thunderstorm seethed, each pelted raindrop stinging your skin through your clothes. Lightning struck a tree as you passed it, its great, resounding crack and sparking flames licking up the branches shocking you still for a split second, but Shinsou egged you on towards your designated hiding place: the residual, vertical hollow from an abandoned mine portal. From a distance, it had seemed like a wide enough hole in which two people could take temporary cover, should they be standing, but now that you had climbed into it, you and Shinsou had to cleave to the sides until you could make a makeshift floor, since the chasm plunged straight down in the earth, forming a natural well. After the preliminary wards at the top, you worked on expanding the eroded curves of the hollow’s slate walls to craft a solid floor. Chanting in a rush, you placed a palm on the transparent dome you were reinforcing over the hollow, feeling the spells as you cast them to ensure they wove together correctly, while the slate swelled under your feet.
Shinsou was standing on the tips of his toes, stretching his neck to see out of the dome and over your shoulder. “I see some rotation over there.”
You jolted when he clapped your shoulder, and the thread of a minor barricade spell (for debris) looped incorrectly, clouding the dome. You flicked it in quick succession until it cleared. “If you would allow me to concentrate.”
Keeping an eye on the sky, Shinsou started squeezing the rainwater out of his clothes, water splattering both of your pairs of boots.
“If you going to do that, if you wouldn’t take a step back, please?”
Shinsou took a half-step back, and his heel slipped against the wall; he instinctively tried to rest his fists on his hips to protest, but the narrow walls scraped against his elbows too much to fully extend them. “It’s not as if it’s making a difference; you’re soaked enough.”
“Fine, but if you just give me a minute, I can—”
Thunder punctuated with a crispy bang rumbled across the canyon, so close that water clinging to budding pine needles shook off in a sheet, and you clutched the rim of wet rock, bracing yourself. You’re fine; you’re fine—shoes on solid (?) ground, wet clothes keeping you alert enough to trudge through the nascent headache from casting so many powerful spells in quick succession, no reopened wounds (no new blood through the bandages, anyway), and Shinsou standing very, very close behind you.
Not touching.
But he’d hardly have to lean forward at all to press his chest against your back, and, moreover, he kept his shoulders rolled back, probably to avoid grazing you when unsolicited.
Taking a deep breath, you muttered the final spell—a water repellent so that Shinsou could always get a clear view—and lowered your hand.
To prove to yourself that you weren’t acting insane, you initiated physical contact yourself: you tapped Shinsou’s collarbone, magically skimming away water to dry his clothes completely, and did the same for yourself, though the slicked-off water pooled around your feet in a puddle.
You’re so normal. Crossing your arms, you scrunched over into the side of the hollow as much as you could, letting Shinsou have as much room to look around in the dome.
“You’re not going to watch?”
“I’m certain you’ll describe it all in incessant detail,” you said, fingernails digging into your upper arm, glowering absent-mindedly at his chain belt as you concentrated on staving away your magic-induced headache.
Stooping, Shinsou ducked out of the dome. “Are you all right? Do you not want to see this?”
You shrugged one shoulder. “Not especially. But you do, so I thought—”
“Are you scared of them?” The wind was picking up outside, almost bending trees in half, and Shinsou wasn’t looking.
“I used to be much more scared of them, because who wouldn’t be? But I’ve done what is within my power to be safe, and if it does get particularly egregious, we’re right by the border and could retreat into the neighbouring zone.”
Hardly any space between rolls of thunder now, with nearly constant lightning strikes, making it a bit hard to look up into Shinsou’s face, backlit by the dome, for the flashing. “I believe the next zone is vipers.”
“Not helping.”
“Thank you. But you’re well? We don’t need to leave?”
“I’m more than fine,” you said, waving a dismissive hand, “I just—would prefer to not look directly at it.”
“Noted.” Shinsou hoisted himself up to brace his feet across the hole, sitting against the wall, so that he could keep a better lookout. His legs rested about your chest height, and because, from this angle, the lightning strikes exposed the boyish spark in his eyes, usually concealed through layers of caution and years-old eyebags, you had the impulse to knock against the back of his knees so that he’d fall.
“No funnel cloud yet?”
“No, but there’s clear rotation over there by that line of spruce trees, and it’s reflected in the wall cloud,” said Shinsou, shaking his head and grinning broadly, toothily, like his smile was too big for his face, “The swirl is discernible in the—yes,there’s the beginning of a vortex; it’s a misty white and roping down into—”
He’s rambling, and you could hardly bear to look up at him: lightning lit up his sharp profile, his toothy grin that didn’t make him look as gaunt, and overfluffed hair staticked to the dome roof in a way that weighed down on your stomach.
…he’s rambling. Shinsou doesn’t ramble. Yes, he likes to hear himself talk, but it’s always so cautious, so careful in his word choice, so caught up in wordplay. Right now, he sounded like he wasn’t—you didn’t know, like he was as unguarded and simple and animated as when he used to sneak with you out of the castle into Tiirnham Wood to catch fireflies and salamanders in the dead of night. That same delight was evident in his words and written on his face.
That’s what’s throwing you off. He’s smiling like he means it.
This is your best friend come back to life.
Yet something next to hatred—or, perhaps, embarrassment or regret—blossomed in your gut, because you’ve come to this conclusion not after any major revelations or events but purely because the two of you are spending time together again. You more than likely haven’t spent more than an hour in each other’s presence for the past sixteen years, and so this is just…how the both of you are when you’re together. It’s like your friendship was never broken.
Maybe it’s the headache, but when you looked up at him, you saw the Shinsou you’ve always known.
“Whoa,” said Shinsou, flinching but keeping his bright gaze outwards, “It’s been a scraggly, white rope so far, but it just scraped up something in the distance, and the whole thing has widened and turned a ruddy brown—”
“Probably struck another mine for red ochre.”
“Ochre? The colour?” Shinsou’s lips curved inwards, and it was as if you could see the question float across his expression, like when he hadn’t understood what Aizawa had been teaching in class and had glanced towards you for guidance.
As it’d been back in school, you helped him out before he asked. “Yes, like the colour. Did you not know the ochre pigment had to be mined?”
“Just because you’ve spent a season learning about dye doesn’t mean we all have,” said Shinsou, hiking up his knee so that he could rest his elbow on it, balancing all his weight on his other leg.
(Yamada and Aizawa seemed the same as you and Shinsou: friends who were more themselves when together. So, why and how did they allow an argument over Nezu’s heir split their friendship? Why did so many lives have to be lost at the hands of leaders who, in the end, were easily on friendly terms again?
When you considered it, Yamada had never…liked talking about his motivations with you. Whenever he discussed it, he always spoke as if the people divided themselves, and he was merely following sway. But that couldn’t be it.
Yamada didn’t particularly want to be king, from your perspective. To you, it seemed accidental that a masquerading fae grew too important in human affairs and that Yamada seemed to accept his fate that it was too late to back out.
All sixteen years of war just for Yamada and Aizawa to rule together in an unprecedented agreement. There’s never been two rulers on the throne. [Perhaps Yamada felt guilty about a fae ruling a human country and thus pushed for co-ruling with a human?]
Infuriating, these ideas that have been frothing and teeming underneath your skin but that you haven’t wanted to acknowledge. They make all leaders for both houses, including you, seem ruthless and immoral and wasteful for prolonging the war, because this post-war reality—one of Yamada and Aizawa ruling together—is one that could have happened without a war at all.
Because what did anyone gain from the war? You only know what you gained, and it’s not much: an appointment to the position of Court Mage years younger than average and expedited fieldwork for all types of magic that forced you to excel or die.
Well. You supposed you also got a husband out of it.)
With the sky growing greener and greener, harsh winds scraped around the dome, dragging loose pine needles across it, and the lightning must’ve been striking more closely by the second, because something buzzed your palm that lay against the hollow’s wall. Very mild, and Shinsou hadn’t even reacted, so you flattened your hand against it again to feel around for a spark.
You pulled one out, smaller than your thumb, and you stretched it mindlessly, watching the way Shinsou’s calf muscles tensed to support the rest of his weight. But you bent the spark too far, and it ricocheted against the hollow walls, with both of you dodging its sharp recoils until it struck the protective dome and sizzled away.
Shinsou shot you a questioning look (curious, eager, kind), and you shook your head.
It’s not the right time, but you sank your hand into your pocket anyway. “I have something for you,” you said, raising your voice to be heard over the raging winds.
Shinsou had only just returned his gaze to the tornado, but he snapped his head back down towards you, eyes bulging. “You do? You mean, you, wha—you do?”
“What’s your fucking problem today?” Inwardly, you cringed, because you need to stop speaking on impulse, especially when you’re trying to be nice.
But Shinsou didn’t seem bothered. “Explanations after gifts,” he said, and he hopped down.
Thunder grumbled so severely that the ground shook, but the noise didn’t fade with the thunder: a whirling like the gallop of a hundred horses approached, and while hail bombarded the dome in pellets, rain sloshed down the dome so thickly that it obscured the immediate trees.
You placed in his hand a small, leather circlet: a sleeve garter to make up for the one he lost on the solstice. Since this one was made of Diamond beast leather, not even his massive fucking bicep could snap it. You tried shouting this information to him, but the winds howled so stridently that you gave up and started rolling up his sleeve for him as he held the garter up to the scant green light, turning the white-blue leather over.
Shinsou clapped his hand over the crook of his elbow, smushing your fingers to keep you from rolling his sleeve up past his changeling brand. You, however, glowered at him and folded his sleeve once more, exposing the raised C. With a strange expression in your direction, Shinsou fastened the garter above the brand.
Once it had snapped around his bicep (at which you were determinedly not staring), Shinsou grabbed your chin to direct your gaze at himself, and he tapped his lips. From then on, you were more reading his lips rather than hearing what he was yelling over the storm, and you’re not sure you read everything correctly.
“My fucking problem is that you’ve shown me dozens of tiny kindnesses today. We spent the night in a hostel instead of camping. We had coffee with breakfast. You’ve gone out of your way to show me something I’ve wanted to see for years. You’ve given me a gift. If I seem out of character to you, it must be because I’m happy.”
Outside of the hollow, spruce trees were stripped of their bark and splattered with wind-blown topsoil, with two just barely in view being uprooted with sickening, sinking crunches as the vortex finally approached, by now a wide pillar of churning black debris, hardly any ochre left at all.
Shinsou mouthed something more, but lightning doesn’t flash as often within the mesocyclone around a tornado. You caught the end of it: “—for you, culufre.”
That’s not a word; you must’ve misread. But it was meant for you, and he’s acting like your friend again, which is a blessing you dared not hope for, so you grabbed his collar and yanked his ear towards your mouth. “What did you just call me?”
Shinsou opened his mouth and closed it, and all the colour drained from his face as the tornado passed over you.
saving you a trip to the bosworth-toller: culufre is old English for dove. also for pigeon, but we’re ignoring that.