1: When you have a container of Neapolitan ice cream, what flavor do you leave for last? HA. I would probably save vanilla for last. CHOCOLATE WOULD GO FIRST.
2: Would you rather be caught in a thunderstorm without an umbrella or a snowstorm without boots? thunderstorm w/o umbrella
3: Let’s say you have access to a time machine, but it can only go either backward or forward. One or the other. Which do you choose and where do you go? backward
4: If you could choose to have any superpower ever, what would you pick? shape-shifting
5: Tomorrow morning, you wake up in the body of a celebrity, like in a ’90s body-swap movie. Who is it? How do they react to your life? What do you do when you’re “them”? Would you choose to switch back? I would do nothing as them and immediately try to switch back. what happens to their mind? is it trapped trying to regain dominance or does it go into my body? what would they do as me?
6: Any allergies? bullshit cats and pollen
7: What would you be more embarrassed to buy: sex toys or adult diapers? sex toys
8: Did you get enough sleep last night? ha ha ha no
9: You’re the sole witness to a Mafia murder. Witness protection has to set you up with a whole new life in a totally new country. You have to leave everything behind, but you can pick where you move to. Where do you go? Pennsylvania
10: If you could star in a biopic about any famous person ever, who would it be? probably somebody Asian
11: What’s the biggest animal you’ve ever killed? Bugs count. an ant
12: Would you rather have millions of dollars but always feel nauseous when you go outside, or be dirt poor forever but never get sick again in your life? the first one
13: A wizard offers you immortality in exchange for your two front teeth. Do you take it? no
14: Could you win the Hunger Games? ha ha ha no
15: What was your favorite Halloween costume as a kid? How about as a teen/adult? I was a strawberry one year and I was fuckin adorbs. it’s not necessarily a costume, exactly, but for the past few years I would dress in all black and stand completely still then follow trick-or-treaters as they went to get candy. they would turn around and freak out and it was a fun time (except when made that little girl cry)
16: Do you bite your nails? used to
17: What was the first movie you remember seeing in the theater? Shark Tale?
18: Do you prefer music with male or female vocalists? instrumental all the way
19: You and the love of your life are having a baby, and you get to choose the name! There’s only one catch: your partner INSISTS that it be the name of a place, real or fictional. What do you name your baby? it shall be Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch
20: If you could reboot or remake any movie, what would it be and who would you cast? I would not
21: If you could automatically know how to speak any language or play any instrument, which would you choose? PLAY ANY INSTRUMENT HOLY FUCK
22: For you, would getting amnesia be a good thing? no
23: If you curse loudly and then realize that there are children nearby, what is your reaction? cringe so hard; leave the area
24: Of what animal are you most afraid? small dogs and angry cats
25: Pizza or oral sex? pizza
26: Without looking them up, can you explain the rules of football? How about Quidditch? What do you think that says about you? oh fuck. Football: Both teams try to score touchdowns. Each touch down is six or seven points (I don’t remember and it said not to look it up). It is illegal to tackle with helmet-first (I think). Um… there are four downs for every play then the ball switches teams? Shit. You can kick the ball for an extra point? Quidditch: Each team has seven members- 3 chasers, 2 beaters, 1 keeper, and 1 seeker. The chasers try to get the quaffle through one of the three goal posts that the other team’s keeper is trying to defend. Each goal is worth 10 points. The beaters knock bludgers at the other team and can only attack the keeper when the quaffle is within scoring distance. GAMEPLAY COMMENCES ON BROOMSTICKS 50ft IN THE AIR. There are a lot of fouls that can be committed (including cobbing which is an excessive use of elbows). The seeker has the most difficult job which is trying to catch the golfball-sized snitch. Only capturing this can end the game. The team that catches the snitch receives 150 points, which almost always gives them the victory. yeah.
27: You’re in the car, switching channels on the radio when you hear a song that makes you go “OH SHIT, THAT’S MY JAM!” What song is it? Betty Spagetti
28: Have you ever paid to see a Step Up movie? If not, how much would someone have to pay YOU to see a Step Up movie? THE FIRST STEP UP MOVIEWAS GREAT FUCK YOU CHANNING TATUM AND JENNA DEWAN ARE GOING THROUGH A 50 MILLION DOLLAR DIVORCE I AM SO UPSET fhe rest can go suck ass
29: If you were being executed tonight, what would you choose for your last meal? hot cheetos and chocolate milk
30: Have you ever bought an item of clothing because it reminded you of something a fictional character would wear? no
31: If you were invisible for a day, what would you do? normal daily stuff
32: Have you ever been punched in the face? no but I feel like people have wanted to
33: How do you take your ramen noodles? in a pot to the bowl on the kitchen table?
34: Do you ever rehearse or plan conversations before you actually have them? yes
35: How much black do you wear on a regular basis (not counting funerals)? my hair is black and I wear black converse a lot
36: Do you have any tattoos? Do you want any? sadly I have none but I want a few so badly
37: If someone offered you a free pet snake, would you take it? if It’s not dangerous or really big or anything. They’re just moving to a place that doesn’t allow pets. if they offer money for its food and shelter hell yes
38: Do you know how to pronounce the word “pinochle”? no what the fuck is that
39: Can you think of anything more boring than birdwatching? A+
40: Are you better with numbers or words? neither I suck
41: At the movies, do you stay for the credits? yes
42: Is morality universal or relative? relative
43: Let’s say you’re getting married to someone you absolutely adore. The only catch is that you met them through a Craigslist hookup ad that was supposed to be just for one night of casual sex. Would you tell your friends how you and your fiance met? sure I would tell them but this is highly unlikely
44: What’s the worst name you’ve ever been called? Ching Ching call me that and I will rip your fucking genitals off don’t be rude pls
45: Would you eat human flesh if it had been harvested and prepared humanely? (Say, from someone brain-dead who had marked him or herself down as an organ donor - same difference, right?) no no no no no no no no gross I don’t even like eating animals no ugh gross
46: At what age did you stop believing in Santa? Alternately, if you never believed in Santa, did you ever ruin Santa for anyone else? THE FUCK YOU MEAN SANTA ISN’T REAL
47: Do you get along better with old people or little kids? little kids
48: If you had to choose, would you rather become a nun/monk or a drug dealer? successful drug dealer
49: What’s your best bodily feature, objectively speaking? none
50: Who is your favorite late night talk show host? Craig Ferguson
