An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Flash (TV 2014) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Iris West & Nora West-Allen, Iris West & Wally West, Francine West & Iris West, Barry Allen/Iris West Characters: Iris West, Wally West, Nora West-Allen, Barry Allen, Francine West (discussion of) Additional Tags: Iris's Flashpoint damage, still salty, Timeline changes, discussion of time travel, Flashpoint - Freeform, baby Nora, Wally is a good uncle, Wally is still around, mourning over timeline changes, you cannot convince me they weren't supposed to have the Tornado Twins, tornado twins - Freeform, the timeline is malleable, discussion of Francine, emotional with a tender ending, introspection of how Iris is different post-Flashpoint Series: Part 2 of Iris Week 2020 Summary:
Iris Week 2020 Day 2! Family Relationships.
“Do you ever get the feeling,” Iris says one very dark and very early morning, as she cradles Nora in the crook of her arm, waiting for the microwave, “that things just aren’t…right?”
Iris considers the choices pre-Flashpoint Iris made about Francine. Iris wonders whether she and Barry have been were supposed to have the Tornado Twins.
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For the tumblr readers, here’s the full text!
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“Do you ever get the feeling,” Iris says one very dark and very early morning, as she cradles Nora in the crook of her arm, waiting for the microwave, “that things just aren’t…right?”
Her brother has a bottle of formula in his hands, and every so often Iris will see tiny flickers of his yellow lightning come off his fingers. Wally seems to be trying to learn to heat up the baby’s bottle with speed alone, an obstacle that even Barry has not yet conquered.
Iris tries to ignore the crazy men in her life and bounces to keep Nora calm, watching the formula spin through the microwave window.
Barry is out, away on a small project with Kara and Kate involving the relocation of a group of alien refugees. Not sleeping, Iris called Wally up and he sailed in to keep her company during the long night, interrupted only by the wailing of her newborn.
“Like, Cult of Domesticity not right?” Wally asks, raising an eyebrow.
Iris pshaws him. Her life is everything she’d ever dreamed, full to bursting with loved ones and meaningful work. Yeah, it’s stressful, but…but nothing. It’s her life, and she loves it. Somebody has to keep saving the world, and she’s glad it’s them.
But there are just moments, like now, in the wee hours with the two people most genetically similar to her in the world, that it just feels…wrong.
“More like…regret,” Iris says thoughtfully.
Wally nods quietly. She startles at the microwave beep; within a blink, Wally is offering the tested formula to Nora. Iris hands her over, and Nora immediately snuggles into her uncle. Electricity passes between them, and she stops fussing as soon as Wally puts the nipple in her mouth.
Iris tells Wally about when she first started getting to know Nora. The adult Nora. About her feelings of motherly inadequacy. About when Nora rewound the same hour over and over and eventually Iris just sensed that she was bending time.
“Do you think the timeline changed?” Wally asks. “And that’s what you’re feeling?”
It’s crazy. Iris knows it’s crazy. That so many new moms feel just like she’s feeling. Thinking obsessively about her own mom and whether she’s good enough. Maybe she should just tell Caitlin she’s out of it and see whether this is actually post-partum depression.
But she hasn’t. She called Wally, who ran across the world to sit with her in the middle of the night.
“I think something used to be different,” Iris whispers. “Before Flashpoint. Maybe before Thawne killed Barry’s mom. I think we used to be different.”
“You and me?” Wally says, surprised. “Like, before Flashpoint-”
“I think it has something to do with Francine,” Iris says desperately. And this is it; this is why she called her brother when her husband is away; this is something she never wants to speak to her father about. “I don’t – I don’t think it happened the same way before. And it makes me worry-”
“About what else could have changed,” Wally says seriously, nuzzling the baby.
Iris still hasn’t forgiven her father for hiding the fact that her mother was alive for over twenty years. She’s not sure she ever will. Just because they’re close, because she loves him, because he’s a part of her daily life and her family, doesn’t mean she can forget.
Iris met her once.
Iris was not there when she died.
(Wally was, all alone. And Iris thinks that this isn’t right, because just sometimes she gets a glimmer of grief too intense to be real, too accessible to be applicable to her own experience.)
“What if I did something better?” Iris holds out her arms for Nora. Nora makes an offended face at parting from Wally’s warm, speed-force generating body, but coos happily when she recognizes Iris’s arms, the scent of her hair. Iris might not be able to share meta powers with her baby, but she’s definitely Nora’s favorite. (She’d better be, too. Iris is not over how hard it was to carry a speedster baby.)
“What if I was a better daughter before the timeline changed, and now I don’t know about it and I’m not gonna be as good a mom as Nora deserves?” The volume of her voice drops until Iris is barely audible at all.
Wally is quiet for long seconds. “Have you spoken to Barry about this? You saw the future, you’re a great mom.”
Iris shakes her head. “We told him we didn’t want to know. It – it’s not us, not really, he created a whole new timeline and then jumped into it-”
“It’s complicated,” Wally interrupts, cutting her off. “Speedsters travel in time differently than the Legends do, they can’t revisit their own timelines but that’s pretty much all we do, press the reset button, and-”
“And the more time travel you do, the less it makes sense,” Iris sighs.
“And even though you haven’t time traveled, I’m pretty sure you’re getting a sensitivity for it,” Wally says. “If you think that’s what you’re feeling, I believe you.”
“Sometimes I feel like I was there when she died,” Iris says, tears escaping. “But I wasn’t. What if she was, the other Iris? Didn’t this you deserve to have me there?”
“Iris, we don’t know what else could’ve changed in the timeline. You’re always doing your best for your family.” But Wally looks pinched and uncomfortable. “I…definitely did not want to be there alone. But there’s nothing we can do to make that better. Not now.”
Iris nods. She settles by the window to wait, and cuddles close the one thing she can make better.
.
A crackle of electricity. The timeline is malleable. The heavy, painful weight of her own overfull belly. “We’re gonna need more diapers.” A cry.
Barry returns to find Iris cradling Nora in their bed, tears dripping into the pillowcase.
“Do you remember what happened to Sara Diggle?” Her words are a croak.
Barry stiffens immediately. (Of course he remembers.)
“I think we used to have another baby, Barry,” Iris whispers.
At least you still have one.
“I don’t know if it – was Flashpoint, or the Reverse-Flash, twenty years ago, but – sometimes I just think, this isn’t right. Tell me I’m not – tell me I’m not crazy, Barry,” Iris breathes.
Barry vibrates out of his suit silently and drops the ring on the floor. He hesitates for a moment, then settles on the bed opposite her. Their bodies make a heart shape with Nora, blessedly sleeping, in the middle.
“I can’t go to the future anymore, Iris,” Barry finally says, his voice gravelly. “I don’t know. What we’re supposed to have. What we might’ve had if I made – better choices. If the Reverse-Flash hadn’t…created a new timeline to punish a Flash he’s never going to see again. If we’re living in the ripple effect from someone else’s Flashpoint right now. I don’t know if we were supposed to have another kid.” He’s getting choked up.
“It’s not like Cisco’s ever vibed another timeline while he’s bouncing her,” Iris admits, self-deprecating.
“That doesn’t mean we didn’t have a different family. The speed force is – so big, and so complicated. You might be really, really right.” Barry looks away from her and puts his finger into Nora’s incredibly small hand. Her tiny brown fingers reflexively close into a fist. Not for the first time, Iris’s feelings of chronal – whatever the Legends call it – are swept away by her love for her daughter. She’s just so beautiful.
“We can’t keep waiting for the newspapers to come true,” Iris agrees. “What’s done is done. The timelines will never be the same. We have to…keep living our lives in the now.” And try to live with their mistakes.
Barry, still holding Nora’s hand, looks into Iris’s face for the first time since returning home.
“I’m not ruling out another baby in the future,” he says carefully, watching her expression. “But you, and me, and our Nora here together? I think this now is the best place I’ve ever been.”