Jawbreaker: Continuation (reblog continues to hate me)
Davang winter break bowling para
Mike paused, silent, listening to everything Dave had to say. After a moment, his stomach sank low in his torso and he swallowed, dryly. He felt like he had been punched in the gut- here he was, complaining about fucking Harvard and parents that truly just wanted him to be happy in life, while Dave lived out of his van with parents that basically denounced him as a child when he came out. “Shit, man,” Mike said, softly, the best apology he could come out with without making things awkward and intense in a way he’s pretty sure neither of them can deal with right now. He chewed a few fries, relishing how oily and fatty and absolutely perfectly delicious they were in the silence, and crossed his legs. He was lucky enough that Dave knew him well - knew how he would feel about the future given enough time to really panic about it, about not having what he wanted most in life.
He hadn’t spoken it aloud before, and was tempted to now, like the words were crawling free of his throat. Instead, like he was speaking with his father, he monologued them inside his head and moodily pinched at the fry he picked up to eat, mindless of most other things that he probably should have been thinking. He sighed and mentally recounted his silly dreams. A dance studio, a pretty, supportive wife - his mind flashes to Mercedes, but he ignores it,- some kind of connection with a local school for dance. Dreams he had always possessed, had never thought to achieve.
“Man,” Mike began, “when are you going on your tours? Campuses and stuff? I mean. You are going on tours before you make the final choice, yeah?” He said, in a vain attempt at changing the subject of conversation onto evener, safer ground. ” ‘Cause you should totally go to college. Imagine how crazy good you’ll be in life once you’re not just some high school kid? Once people see how smart you are written in inconsequential paper that - for some reason- orders our world?” Mike said, ever the faithful friend in Dave’s pursuit of a future.
Dave had a flashback to the last time he had been at the bowling alley with uncle Chuck. Before the end of pee-wee hockey league; a year before he met Z; half a decade before Kurt walked into his life. Only this time it was switched. He was the one sitting here drinking Uncle Chuck’s secret soda brew and someone else was embarrassed, pinching at their fries and trying to make a huge decision.
For him, it had been hockey and church. He’d chosen badly, chosen not to admit that he’d had a crush on lanky, already sprouting twelve year old Adam Lanza. He hadn’t thought about Adam in a long time, it was very strange thinking of him now. But he knew that look on Mike’s face because he had been Mike then. It was an unsettling mirror, of sorts.
Dave didn’t mind the change in subjects, not really. Anything to make Mike feel better at this point. Dave shrugged. “I don’t have a choice. I don’t know why in the hell they even want me and there’s no real way to tell by the website what’s gonna give me the best option, y’know? It’d be easier if I had a path or something but I never expected to leave Lima, not after everything that’s happened. I guess, I’m probably most nervous about falling in love with OSU and then falling in love with U of M the weekend after. I signed up for a tour at OSU the day after we beat the Vikings, so maybe I’ll be a little celebratorilly hungover at that point,” Dave said with a chuckle in his throat. “Yeah, that piece of paper sure seems to make a lot people temporarily crazy, doesn’t it? I keep wondering why we’ve gotta make life decisions like these at 18 or 19. Hell, Jesus didn’t even start his ministry at 33 and he knew who he was at like twelve years old, man.”