#dawngarcia.com

[beautifulbarcelona]

Oh 1940s, there just isn't a word to describe how "swell" you can be. Here is a video of how to vacation and look great while playing shuffleboard... I love vintage how-to's. The announcer is the real creme de la creme...

[writeslave-a-blog-blog]

Are we lost at sea?

Sometimes it seems as if we're all lost at sea. Gasping for air, freezing and isolated, no one in sight.

Someone recently asked me to write about the "moral imperative". At first, I didn't really understand and thought it was random, so I inquired more into the "why". He and another friend were discussing today's moral dilemma: the one in which it seems no one does what is right and too many do only what benefits them.

So before I delve into my version, I thought I would provide the technical definition.

mor-al im-per-a-tive (plural, mor-al im-per-a-tives): noun

Definition: unavoidable obligation; a thing that must be done because it is right, regardless of opposition or difficulty.

It seems we've all faced a moral imperative. Personally I feel like I've been facing one for the last decade. These days everyone is so caught up in their own lives, no one is willing to get too deep into yours. It has changed the way I see relationships on all levels. I have become a very internalized person, which goes against all I am, but out of survival it happens. I no longer call friends to talk or even family because I just feel like I'm bothering everyone or interrupting their lives. Who wants the single mom - who is a writer no less - to need to vent? It may be the wrong course of action but times are certainly not like my grandmother's. This weekend she (my grandma) told me stories of her friendships. Friends that you could call no matter what. People that weren't too afraid to actually listen, get intertwined in your life, or be there. It seems no one these days has five minutes to spare. We're all texting and emailing or Facebooking because heaven forbid you actually talk on the phone. We've lost that personal element. It takes a toll on us. Who to talk to when we need it? So as a result someone like me, talks to no one. I shut down. I just blog or tweet because an audience of strangers is more readily available than people who are ACTUALLY supposed to be there. That's not to say I don't have amazing friends but I feel we've all become more detached with time and progressing technology. We tend to be less involved in one anothers' day-to-day. It may be a writer's plight to read into things but I know other writer friends, other artist's, who feel the same. There is a sort of placating distance that has been implemented. An unspoken "backing away" if you will.

See, now that I'm divorced, I have even less faith in people's ability to follow through. I am a parent and an entrepreneur and I give my life to make both of those things possible. But we have moments. Moments where you feel broken or isolated or just in need of a friendly voice. And you call no one. I call no one. Because I hate being seen as weak and, over time, people have proven so terribly unavailable, I just learn to count on no one. Again, this could be pride or ego or simply wanting to be there for everyone else and feeling uncertain of asking others to be there for me, but it DOES seem like we, as a species, have lost the interconnectedness.

We could just accept that BUT isn't that morally wrong? If we turn less and less to actual human beings then we are failing as a species. In truth, we have failed as a species. As a single parent, I realize I put all of my focus on my child and yet I still manage to attempt some semblance of life with friends and loved ones but man, it's really difficult to maintain. Mainly because everyone else becomes too "busy". Everyone is working or chasing after their own dreams or raising their child or indulging in a relationship and there is no balance. Have we lost our balance? Are we so self-consumed we've completely forgotten to rely on someone else? If so - how tragic.

We are so disconnected. We use politics or religion or work or parenting or failed relationships or fear as a means to keep us from getting hurt but in truth, it stops us from feeling anything at all. I know hurt sucks. It tears into us like a vile disease but at least it's real. What the hell are we protecting ourselves from? Danger and crimes against humanity is perfectly understandable but if we're just protecting ourselves from basic human contact because we're afraid we'll get hurt - we are an absolute travesty.

I have so many male friends who talk to me. About women and dating and the common term is "crazy". And yet as the girl on the other end, I have to say men aren't all that "sane" anymore either. I'm a strong and smart and very driven woman who happens to have a child, large breasts, some style - and you wouldn't believe how that is translated. The result is I give up like everyone else and I decided I can't fall into that cesspool of crap. It seems everyone is expecting perfection. No one is allowed emotions or emotional range. They want that person to be utterly flawless. What is the point in that? Then what? We're all perfect? And in truth if we search for perfect, we'll get bored. Perfection is a mess. It's psychotic. It is far from real. It's okay to be authentic. To have an actual emotion and express it but what is not ok is to expect everyone to be just like you. That is an emotional void. And as it were, a moral imperative. We have to feel or what is left?

So to those men out there who believe because you're handsome or have a good job or are single parents that think you have the market on what works, you're wrong. And to the women out there who feel entitled or that you're the best the "market" has to offer, get a hold of yourself. Not only are we becoming a group of people obsessed with disconnection, we're losing sight of integrity and authenticity and patience and valuing who we are and what we are capable of. The notion of a moral imperative should refer to all of us becoming less complacent and more optimistic. We should be less "technological" and more human. This is a rant to be certain but in the end, no matter what we're pursuing, don't let go of the basic essence of the human connection. Facebook or texting or "work" doesn't really satisfy the need to be part of something. It's a band-aid and I, for one, am tired of band-aids. They peel off and leave marks and they never let in any air...

this is why I dwell in film and literature. It is a fantastic hiding place.

Written by Dawn Garcia