#dayfiftyseven

[faintest-first-starlight]

210/365 I never take enough photos of our flowers. #summerphotochallenge #dayfiftyseven https://www.instagram.com/p/CVb4GmjNhL8/?utm_medium=tumblr

[faintest-first-starlight]

116/365 Finally doing my own playthrough of this gem and I honestly feel bad that I gave it so much shit for being first person. #springphotochallenge #dayfiftyseven https://www.instagram.com/p/COjcMmTlXw7/?igshid=1k9eck18ks4s7

[faintest-first-starlight]

238/365 Wigs are wonderful things. #summerphotochallenge #dayfiftyseven https://www.instagram.com/p/CEai2a3pZpV/?igshid=defoahkh4jke

[elle-vaytor]

The Break Up Blog - Day Fifty Seven

Hmm, there's not much to tell for today.

I slept better last night and subsequently got ready for work a lot faster this morning.

After that, it was just 'go', 'go' for the rest of the school day. I bit off more than I could chew with my lesson plans, but I still managed to get quite a bit done with my students. I stopped teaching a few times when my students became rowdy and gave my students the evil eye till they finally shut up. That felt pretty good.

Sometimes it is better to stop everything and calm your thoughts instead of just reacting to situations. C taught me that. I've learnt lots of invaluable teaching pedagogies from her in the last two years; I'm gonna miss learning more from her in the future.

After work, I decided to go swimming at the gym. I haven't exercised in two weeks, so I figured it would be good to ease back into it. I also haven't gone swimming since my last trip abroad to see X nearly three months ago.

Even though my goggles and nose plug failed a few times (lol), it felt good to swim again. The last time I swam was the day that X flew home again. I was alone in our hotel and it was the first night in two weeks that I went to bed alone and cried myself to sleep.

I missed X so much after we said our goodbyes. Even then, a tiny part of me knew that it would be the last time I'd see her again.

I thought of all that on my last lap in the pool tonight, struggling to catch my breath. The sadness tugged hard on my insides and like that last time in Manila, I purposely sank downwards into the pool to see how long it would take before I had to come up for air.

Being with X in our last year together felt a lot like drowning. I couldn't catch my breath for the longest time and I felt so trapped. But I couldn't see it then because I loved her so much; I still love her even now. But just like tonight, the heaviness of my own body forced me to break the water's surface.

I think that's how Life works sometimes: just when you think you're about to drown, you float back up, kick out your legs and you can suddenly breathe again.

After that, it's just a question of swimming gradually back to the shore.

After I broke the surface in the swimming pool earlier, I kicked my legs and pumped my arms like never before. And I just swam away from those painful memories of X.

I've never swam so fast in my entire life, not even in primary school for sports days when I'd win swim races doing freestyle.

It felt good.

I don't know if I'll end up writing tonight. But it's ok because I got to write my blog entry.

Tomorrow will probably suck again because that's just how my emotions are these days, always pushing and pulling at my insides.

But at least I had today to feel a little saner and a little more hopeful about things.

[faintest-first-starlight]

208/365 Not my absolute favorite but I did plan this outfit like 2 months in advance. Luckily I had Melisa's help altering the skirt. #summerphotochallenge #dayfiftyseven #daytwentyseven #myfaveoutfit https://www.instagram.com/p/B0cmIKpFpxZ/?igshid=kyajmbum7myo

[yourdisappointedarms]

“I believe in intention and I believe in work. I believe in waking up in the middle of the night and packing our bags and leaving our worst selves for our better ones.” #lesliejamison #theempathyexams #americannovelist #essayist #inspirationalquotes #dayfiftyseven (at Cuyahoga River)

[empirebyt]

[the-bright-side-of-the-darkside]

Guilty! 😘 #MissYou #LoveYou #DayFiftySeven