#dbh:connor

[lavellyne]

old cmm for Littlmaraschino.

i don't even remember if i posted it here so will now!

[the-wintershade]

it’s tearing me apart

pairing: connor (rk800) x reader summary: he loves you, that’s what he tells himself as he breaks ties with you, but he sees you again years later realizing how much of a fool he was. wc: 1.9k+ genre: slightly angsty, kind of depresso, a tiny bit of fluff at the beginning

@jhiddles03​, this one’s for you. thank you for your support!

Connor watched with you a fascination that could be found whenever he watched you type away in concentration. Your eyes narrowed into slants, head pressed further into the screen, eyebrows furrowed, and a few creases appeared on your forehead. Connor’s LED turned yellow. There were more and more creases popping up on your forehead the longer the two of you were together. He made a note to research it and found the most common ail was just a result of getting older, something that had started to swirl in Connor’s head more than he liked to admit.

He adored you, there was no question in that and would be around you for as long as you would allow him to be, but he could not help the images playing out in his head. Images of you becoming like Hank; older, less mobile, having other complications related to your health. Then his mind wandered to the types of emotional stress you would be facing at the time; despair, stuck in reminiscence, questioning of ultimate life decision. 

Connor never imagined that he would be sitting here, watching you interact with the other officers, seeing you smile and never once bask in its greatness, look over how beautiful and carefree your face was, but instead create an image of what you looked older. Instead of smiling with you (or attempting to) he would frown and feel a pang in the bottom of his chest. He was starting to face the reality that he was most likely going to outlive you and things would get complicated. 

You needed someone who shared the same life experience you did, someone who you could grow old with, someone who could understand what it is like to age and none of those described him. Connor would get old in the sense that time had passed since his creation, but he would not age, not like all living things did; he was not alive.

He was a machine, one made out of wires, manufactured skin, and blue blood that pumped through his artificial veins by a mechanical, inorganic heart. How did he deserve to love you? How did he ever deserve someone so beautiful and real and alive? Someone who treated him like he was alive, like he was someone who was worthy of love when clearly he was not. 

He loved you, there was no question in that. Deviancy - empathy - made sure that he knew a variety of emotions and he had experienced a lot since becoming deviant, one of the most powerful and irrational of all was of course love. He also knew that when it came to love, there was no capacity for selfishness. Whenever it came to you, this warm feeling would blossom and take over everything he thought of before, and soon, there would be no room for focusing on only him, it was now all about you. 

One time, you were in danger, he was there in a heartbeat, it didn’t matter what he was doing currently, he just saw you, only thought of you, everything else in the world fell away. He could not be selfish, it just wasn’t possible. 

Now, you were standing up, walking over to him like a angel from heaven, words pouring from your lips, but he wasn’t listening to what you were saying; he was memorizing your face, the way you walk, how your eyes sparkled.

He cared for you, there was no question in that, but he kept thinking about how this was going to hurt you. 

4 Days Later

“(y/n), I have something to tell you.” You and Connor were walking down the streets enjoying the scenery, the leaves falling around you, the wind playing with your hair, the kids giggling as they chased each other on the way home from school. His LED was red and anxiety ran through your mind, grabbing and pulling your thoughts with it.

“What’s wrong?” Eyes wide, you watched him as he brushed his hands through your hair, playing with the strands, admiring its softness one last time. He was sad, he was familiar with that emotion as it spread, already feeling regret without having done anything regrettable yet. His tear ducts threaten to well up.

“I don’t think we should continue seeing each other.” He watched your eyes flash in surprise, taking a step back from him, withdrawing yourself.

“Connor, what’s wrong with you?” He was breaking your heart, he could see it in your eyes, and it was breaking his - the heart he knew he didn’t have.

“I don’t believe I am a good fit for you.” He watched your eyes darken and become filled with something he could not put his finger on. You took a breath and tried again.

“Why? Did I do something wrong?”

“No!” He broke out, astonished you would say something like that, how could you think that it was your fault? “You are wonderful, I guess you could say something along the lines of, it’s not you, it’s me.”

“Connor, you’re not making a bit sense, what happened?”

“Goodbye, (y/n).” He pressed a kiss to your cheek and bristly meandered his way down the street.

“Connor! Connor!” You called him but he never responded. Your eyes welled up and you turned around, hugging your arms closer to yourself, and walked away, walked away from the love of your life, walked away from the person you thought you’d spend forever with, walked away from three years of a relationship down the drain. Your throat refused to stop constricting, no matter how much you told it not to, and the autumn chill didn’t help you stop your eyes from blurring. Soon, you couldn’t make out the pattern of the leaves, couldn’t make out the cracks in the sidewalk, couldn’t make out how to tell up from down. All you knew was this intense weight on your chest and this heavy feeling in your heart.

3 Years Later

Connor still did not stop thinking about you, even when 36 months, one thousand ninety days-five days, and twenty-six thousand two hundred and eighty hours had passed since last seeing your face. His brain would not stop replaying his last conversation with you, the way you reacted, the way your face broke, the ways your eyes shifted. He was still reeling from his decision and he still questioned if it was the correct one.

“Connor!” Hank’s voice cut through his thoughts.

“Yes, Lieutenant?”

“Do me a favor and run to the store and grab some beer. Football’s coming on soon.”

“Right away.” Connor wasted no time in making his way to the store, fighting through the snow as he trudged all the way up to the bright, fluorescent lighting that greeted him at the door. He knew there were remnants of snow left in his hair, but he let them sit, let the white flakes melt into his individual strands. He could not tell you why he found this phenomenon so fascinating but was one of the many quirks he acquired over the years.

Making his way to the alcohol section, he paused at a pack, one that he knew was Hank’s favorite. Removing it from the shelf, he plodded his way towards the front. Suddenly, his heart froze and his mind stopped. Could it be? Could it really be you? His LED turned yellow as you walked through the vegetables and fruits, picking up a few special ones for a closer inspection. His heartbeat quickened; he missed you. He missed your smile, missed the way you would bury your face in his neck when you held him, missed the way your eyes sparkled when he would come to pick you up. He missed everything about you.

It was as if you felt his longing through the connection the two of you shared even after you broke up, as you immediately snapped your gaze to his. You too froze in your spot, standing ridged and blinking multiple times to confirm that was who you saw.

Connor did not know what came over him, but his feet moved on their own accord, pulled by an energy you gave off that he could not resist. He found himself face to face with you, unsure of what to say but sure of one thing; he was still unapologetically in love with you. He wished to tell you how many times you came to his mind, how many times his thoughts would drift back to you, how many times he realized that no matter how much denied it, he should have never broken up with you that November day.

“Hi, Connor.” You smiled. Your voice sounded like the sweetest, most beautiful musical composition that he had ever heard. God, androids were not supposed to make mistakes, but he made a huge one when it came to you.

He opened his mouth, but nothing came out, instead a younger voice perked up. “Mommy, Mommy, can I get these twedy grawms?” A toddler attached themself to your leg and you bent down to pick them up, gently prying the box from their hands.

“Sure thing, my love.” You bopped the little boy on the nose. The toddler took notice of Connor and immediately clammed up. His wide, innocent eyes inspecting the strange man but never saying anything. You picked up on the change in his behavior and stroked his hair. “It’s okay, this is Connor, he’s a good friend of mine.”

Friend. Not the word Connor was hoping for and he felt it like a punch in the gut. Connor finally found some form of coherent communication and let a smile take his features. “Hello.” He waved at the child and the child shyly smiled back.

He looked to you, “Is he yours?”

“He is,” You nodded watching the child inspect Connor. “He’s my pride and joy.” You turned your warm eyes to his and saw him staring at the ring on your ring finger.

Connor came over to you intending to tell you how much he loved you and how sorry he was, but all these words were dying on the way to his tounge the longer he looked at you. He did not know what this weight in his chest was, what the tightening of his throat was, what the moisture in his tear ducts was, but he had a suspicion that it all related back to how he could not bring himself to truly pour his heart out to you.

“I’m going to get going, Lieutenant Anderson requests his beer be delivered by the time the game starts.” Connor watched you put the toddler down in the basket. Your hair swung around as you faced him and he felt his throat tighten even more, he could still feel your soft hair between his fingertips.

“Okay, well it was good seeing you again. Say hi to Hank for me. Get home safe.” 

He turned away to keep you from seeing his eyes become consumed with tears. “You too. Goodbye.”

He trudged away from his missed opportunity, his one true love, his world; you. And as he made his way out of the grocery store that day, he knew this emotion, whatever it was, was not going to leave anytime soon, only lodging itself deeper into his body. His throat constricted and a sob tore through his lungs for the first time in his life as he wondered what could have, should have, would have been.

[wecanbe-heroes]

Too Late - Connor x reader

Pairing: Connor x gender neutral!reader

Warnings: mentions of guns, blood, death, and one use of the ‘f’ word

Word Count: 1912

A/N: Trying my hand at angst/sad and wrote this at like midnight lol. I don’t like writing sad I have learned :’( but here we go anyway. Hope you enjoy!

Taglist: @spectacular-spiderboy @connorshero

Standing at attention with your hands clasped behind your back and your feet slightly spread, you listened to the android giving orders. The rubbing of the bullet resistant vest on your skin and the weight of the gun in on your hip felt all too familiar to you. You had years of training and many missions like this and you never hesitated in carrying out your orders. Now, as Connor paced in front of you and the mix of human and androids from the DPD explaining his plan, you felt a little trepidation. Now you had a desire to live. All because of that stupid android sent by Cyberlife.

If he hadn’t shown up at the tower when you were on duty, none of this would have happened. You had been secretly working for the android’s revolution from the inside, helping deviant androids escape the facility for one, but he hadn’t known that. After a tussle, which he won of course, he always won, you managed to convince him of your secret before he could kill you. That was five months ago.

Since then, you gained a job working with the DPD, it wasn’t hard with your work background, and had grown close to Connor. Close enough that people at the station were wondering when the two of you would just get together already. You, no matter how hard your outer shell was, were very shy when it came to asking Connor out. He, of course, seemed to be oblivious to this and never really acknowledged or reciprocate any advances you made. So, you stayed quiet and enjoyed your time with him as a friend.

“You ready?” You relaxed your stance as he finished his speech and walked over to you. His voice and eyes held a concern for you that made your heart stutter for a minute. Then you clenched your teeth and gave him a smile.

“Of course, just another Red Ice den.” You looked around at the scene you were in. Four humans and three androids, including you and Connor, stood outside the abandoned apartment complex. A lot for a simple drug bust, you thought. You’re just nervous, calm down, you told yourself, taking in a breath and turning your gaze back to Connor, who looked at you with narrowed eyes.

“Come here,” He huffed, and you stepped closer, a little unsure of what he was going to do. “Your strap is wrong.” His artificial skin brushed against your real skin as he shifted your vest so it did not hinder the use of your arms. Why you had gotten it wrong was beyond you, never had you misplaced it, but now you were glad it was. “There you go.” Connor stepped back.

“Thanks, Con.” Rolling your shoulders, you checked your gun, making sure it was loaded correctly and the safety was on. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw the signal from another officer, and both you and Connor instantly tensed, ready for action.

“Let’s go.” The brown-haired android started towards the stairs leading to the third floor, keeping low and quiet. You were right behind him, you always had each other’s backs, and the others followed close after.

As the group quietly ascended, your mind raced through the various scenarios of what might go down. If you guys were lucky, it would go smoothly like the last three. They were in smaller houses though, and the size of the complex worried you. From the way Connor had looked during Fowler’s run through at the station earlier that evening, you knew he was worried too.

He raised his hand, signaling the group to stop. You moved around him smoothly to the other side of the door. This was all a graceful dance for the two of you. You worked perfectly together, each calculating the other’s next move before they did it. As the android took his place across from you, you stared into his deep brown eyes. It was crazy, you thought, that at one time they looked at you like a stranger, cold and detached. Now, however, you saw everything in those eyes. Fear, worry, concern, the same emotions you were feeling at the moment. Then he nodded and you flicked off the safety on your pistol.

“Police, don’t move!” You yelled as you breached the door. You heard crashing and people swearing. The other officers yelled for the suspects to get down, and then the shooting started. You ducked behind a door frame for cover and took a second to get your bearings.

There were more in the apartment than you had been informed and with heavier ammo than just handheld pistols. Connor was no longer in your vicinity but you knew he could take care of himself, you just needed to worry about taking care of yourself. With a calming exhale, you peeked around the frame and noted it was clear, then moved onto the next room. You continued to hear shots and yelling as you and two others that had taken cover with you advanced. Then Connor suddenly appeared in front of you.

“We’ve cleared the rest of the apartment and have the suspects in custody.” He said, to you and to the officer on the end of his radio. You heard a faint reply saying they copied and you smiled.

“Get down!” You heard one of the androids near the front door yell, right before a loud bang made your ears ring. The body of the android went flying. The team of officers were being ambushed by a second group of the Red Ice dealers. They must have been hiding in one of the other apartments. You could faintly hear yelling as your ears slowly stopped ringing and you turned towards the front door of the apartment.

The breath in your lungs was forced out as one of the suspects aimed their gun at you and shot your chest. Luckily, they were far enough away and the gun was a simple handgun, so it didn’t penetrate, but it did enough damage for you to stumble back and know it was going to hurt like hell later.

“Y/N!” Connor yelled, grabbing you from behind before you fell completely.

“I’m okay! Don’t worry about me!” You pushed him off as one of the human officers fell to the ground, dead. The look in your eyes must have convinced him because he immediately let you go and lifted his gun.

You did not have much time to take a breather, so, while your chest screamed in pain, you followed Connor into the next room, unsure of what it might have been at one time. Everything in the place was covered with filth and objects they used for making Red Ice. There was no way of stopping these people, you realized, and so you set your sights to shoot to kill.

Connor took out the first two dealers and you the third. You weren’t sure how many were now in the apartment, you only knew you had to stop them before they killed the rest of the team. You did know there were already three causalities, including the android, and that was too many. No more would die on your watch.

“Connor!” The android turned at the sound of your choking yell, his gun almost dropping out of his hand as he saw what was happening. You scrambled against the arm wrapped around your throat, pulling you backwards. The arm tightened and you struggled more to breath, chocking on your own saliva. Connor’s grip on the gun tightened in anger and he lifted it to shoot, carefully aiming with accuracy so he would not hit you.

There was the sound of a gunshot. Then another, right after the first. Why did he shoot him twice? You thought as the arm went slack and you went to move out from under it. “Oh,” you whispered, feeling the blood running down your side. Placing a hand over it, you crumbled to the floor. The man had gotten the barrel of his gun on your side, just under the strap of your vest, and managed to fire a shot right before Connor killed him.

All of the noise in the apartment was suddenly gone. You could only hear your breathing as you slid to the wall to prop yourself up. Even Connor yelling your name was just a faint whisper. Your eyelids suddenly felt heavy.

“Hey! Hey! Stay with me Y/N!” Connor fell to his knees next to you. He scanned your body and saw the bullet was still lodged in your abdomen. A red heartbeat line flashed in the corner of his vision and he tried to ignore how irregular and slow it was becoming. This was not supposed to happen. It was a normal mission. Just a bust. You were never meant to get hurt.

You weakly put your hand on his cheek, wiping away the tears that were forming with your bloody thumb. You shushed him quietly, head rolling to the side slightly as blood quickly oozed from the wound. There was no helping you now, you knew that, but you weren’t scared like you always thought you would be when you died. “It’s okay.” You told him, smiling. “I’m not going anywhere.” You tried to laugh, but started coughing and groaned. Okay, now it hurt.

The heartbeat was starting to slow even more, it’s red glare taunting and tormenting the android. He didn’t know what to say, he always knew what to say, always knew what to do. Now, he could only kneel there looking at you as you faded from him. “Don’t leave me.” Connor’s LED spun a rapid red, faster than you had ever seen it run, as he put his forehead against yours.

Taking his hand and gripping it as tight as you could, you brought it up to your cheek. “I will never leave you Connor, you mean too much to me.” Your lips barely moved as you softly spoke, your vision blurring. You brought his hand to your lips. His skin had the smell and taste of metal from the gun, but the scent of Connor was distinct behind it. “I love you, Connor.” You knew you were crying now, but everything felt numb to you. You stared into his eyes. In them, you saw pain, pain for you, but also love. Love you had never seen or felt before. How had you been so blind to it all this time? “My partner.” Your words were faint now, barely above a whisper, as your hand slid away from his. “My android.”

Connor gripped your other hand tight as you breathed out those last words. Words he had yearned to hear for such a long time now, but always too afraid to say them himself. He could hear the footsteps of the remaining officers as they took down the rest of the suspects, but his focus was on you completely. The red line was gone.

“No.” Connor was shaking now. This was the first death of someone close to him after becoming deviant. No one told the androids how much emotions fucking hurt. He stared at your lifeless eyes, tearing running down his cheeks. It was a few moments before he took a breath and shook his head. He had a mission to complete, he told himself. Then he would grieve. So, he raised his hand and closed your eyes.

“I love you too.” Connor kissed your forehead, the last tears dripping into your hair, and then he stood to call in to confirm the building was clear and that the team needed an ambulance for the wounded. If only he had been quicker, he thought, but he was not thinking about the mission.

[figure-in-black]

“…I could try questioning it…”

“What do we have to lose…  Go ahead, suspect is all yours…”