for Ai and the alleged "D.C. sniper", John Allen Muhammed
"I lie on my daughter's body to hold her in the earth,
but she won't stay; she rises, lifting me with her...." – Ai, "The Detective"
Me and the old man used to
line empty Corona's against warped
aluminum buckets, grabbing whatever bottles
lay propped up or jutting out from
and he'd get on his tip-toes to
grab that dingy straw hat
that hung on the shed's rusted roof.
I laughed when he cocked that hat
over his brow and squinted like
Eastwood, while chewing on a blade
of grass as he wiped the rifle down.
"You ain't neva gon' shoot as good as ya daddy, ya hear?"
and watched his shoulder jerk
in sync with shattered glass
"You wan' try and shoot that last one there?"
I finally feel the cold skin of metal
I stood in the desert like Moses
with nothing but my backpack on,
and death wrapped her soft hands
seductively, baby. It felt kinda like
that thing you do when you lock
and pull me down to kiss me.
That thing you used to do.
Now, the sun looks like a ball of fire
that Allah has hurled at you and me
and there ain't enough stars to cool
They trained me to kill foreign men
as brown as me, from 800 meters, and I did
and I cried 'cause he screamed like I would.
But they don't know I'm scared of death
and losing you, and the kids.
I imagine drowning in this sand
and coming back different for you
so we don't fight – I don't want to fight
they didn't train me to leave you.
No one understands my story
because I never got a chance
to write it. Its funny how everyone
finds you when you run, but
no one notices you if you walk like them.
blood seeps thru my shirt and stains
my skin. I can't wipe it off as I lay
over my son's lifeless body. I try to
shake him awake, but he stays still
with his eyes open, staring at me.
I keep thinking Mildred will never
I wake up in my backseat, and remember
No one understands my story until
they hear the glass shatter and
lay on that body so limp and damp.
Yeah, everybody's gonna die in this one.
I finally get a chance to write
about me, and if you stand as far away
as I do, no one will ever know you were
watching when you drive away.
