Hector whispers your name like a prayer when he masturbates. He's whimpering, flushed in the face, he has one hand over his mouth so he doesnt wake you up and the other is palming and stroking his dick. He wonders what you would say to him if you found him. Would you mock him? Tease him? Would you help him? The thought makes him cum into his hand and whine outloud. Thankfully, you dont have your glasses on, but he's sure he made a sound. He wonders if you'd call him a pervert for lusting over you. He might be one, maybe, he doesn't know. He just wants you. Craves you like nothing else.
I fucking did it. One whole year. I can’t believe it’s been an entire year.
I can’t even begin to express how thankful I am for the friends I’ve made here and how much they truly have helped along the way of getting to an actual year! Honestly, I was only going to try and make it to a month, give myself a nice break but then realized I felt better without booze.
I was telling @hessofather earlier it’s weird because I remember the morning of this day a year ago pretty clearly…
Tw: alcohol mentions, depression, rambling, personal thoughts and gettin’ real fuckin’ vulnerable here so please please don’t be an asshole
I was supposed to stop drinking the night before but there was still alcohol in the house, thought to myself “Well… I can’t have alcohol in the house if I’m gonna quit drinking. Better get rid of it… by drinking it” so I woke up on Tuesday very hungover, which wasn’t unusual at that point I was a hangover pro. I got ready for work, had to put my dog in the kennel and she was on the opposite side of the bed that morning. I picked her up and as I was walking with her to put her in the kennel I tripped over a pair of my husband’s boots and fell. SHE WAS OKAY! She was just a little scared. I literally held her onto until I knew she would be okay to drop to the ground and then smacked my face into the doorway and broke my glasses. I was irritated, got her in the kennel and felt like I was already ready for it to be 8:30pm so I could have a drink. I messaged a friend telling her how upset I was at myself for drinking the night before and tried to move on with my day. Went to work, had to leave work so I could get new glasses frames then went back to work.
I had rules for myself and my drinking. 8:30pm is when I could start and 10:30pm is when I needed to stop. Never before and I would be very irritated if I started after. I had to keep to a schedule but then the schedule started to get blurry. I’d still wait til 8:30 but the stopping time became “Well… I’ll open my last one at 10:30 and then be done” then it became “Well… It’s 10:40…”
“Well… it’s 10:50…”
“Well… it’s 11…”
Get the picture? Yeah. Some nights it wouldn’t be until midnight and then I’d get 5-6 hours of sleep before waking up for work, feeling like death, and make my way to work. I was constantly agitated, I was constantly depressed, I knew something needed to change.
I felt like a fucking idiot because I know the pattern. My dad’s an alcoholic. Several other members of my family have a bad relationship with alcohol. I fucking knew what would happen but still had it in the back of my head “But not me.” Yeah, okay. Sure Jan 🤦♀️😅
Anyways, if you read all the above thank you! If you want to make a change, do it. It’s hard, I’m not going to say it was easy breezy and anyone can do it. It’s okay to have more than one day 1! You have to learn different habits, you have to learn to be okay with feeling things, you need a good support system!!! I already mentioned it but I seriously can’t thank my support system enough for helping me get to a year ❤️
I was going to the way back machine to archive my tumblr because I’m obsessed with archiving things- but I saw that’s someone’s just been doing for 4 years now?? Wild- who is this? Thank you
I’m glad someone likes my stuff enough to archive it- it just
Planning my Margo-Sergei centric S2 and I'm wondering how far I want to deviate. If I was a showrunner, and I had these two compelling characters who were both mirrors of each other, I would want to delay this first real meeting for as long as possible. Probably the S2 finale, for maximum impact.
...this would also mean that the start of S2 would be the late 70s and we could have scenes of Flight Director Margo applying for - and then getting - Director of NASA. Because we missed so much of that and I want it.
This is the first (and only) request I've gotten so far and it was so fun to revisit this old meme prompt. I have to say, Jaxon definitely does clean up pretty well despite him typically wearing more tactical outfits on the daily.
Feel free to continue requesting characters for this outfit meme in my askbox here or in my instagram story here!
A better picture of the critter closeups from my photo dump, as requested by @mathysphere!
These are all from the same pattern, “Ecology Wildlife Band”, torn many years ago from a Cross Stitch and Needlework magazine of unknown date. The original design had the four critters in a band across a reusable bag, with green text above and below saying "recycle, conserve, save / reuse, preserve, renew”. I stitched them on some mystery 16ct aida scraps which feel just a bit more plasticky than usual, and I have no idea if that’s fitting or ironic. The final size for each is 3.5in square from fabric edge to edge, and they’ll almost certainly go onto greeting cards at some point as is my wont.
All four critters were stitched mostly as given, though I did combine with other colors any single-stitch colors I happened to notice while prepping each piece just for my own convenience. That said, this was something of a study in how not to design a pattern! I’ll explain that a bit below the cut.
For starters, it’s a very photorealistic, full-coverage pattern packed with a frankly unnecessary density of colors (the tiger, for example, has 28 different floss colors as shown, plus the three single-stitch colors I merged out in prep). This technique results in primarily dither-style shading, which looks very smooth in the end but is an unfortunately confetti-full stitching experience. A thoughtful designer will minimize this where it’s reasonable, to make things easier for their stitchers! This pattern, however, felt like it probably came straight out of a computer program with no edits.
The pattern was also very difficult to read. It had both colors and symbols, which when done well is actually the option I like best! Unfortunately, four factors combined to make it terrible in this case:
The symbols were actually just letters (lower- and upper-case both), numbers, and punctuation -- in one of those skinny sans fonts that makes everything look like vertical lines when you’re not looking closely.
The colors were intended to be indicative of the floss color they represented, but they weren’t particularly close and especially they did not tend to match lightness/darkness (dark flosses had in many cases lighter colorfills than medium flosses).
Many colorfills were very close to each other by sheer virtue of the fact that the pattern had well over 50 floss colors and probably 30 of those were shades of brown. Printer ink, even fancy magazine printer ink, can really only manage so many shades of brown.
It was small. The pattern was printed across two pages, but only the top half of those two pages, and with margins and the border text and so forth -- which meant that each critter's pattern was only about the size of my finished fabric pieces, 3.5in square. That is not a lot of room for a pattern this visually dense.
This combination made it quite difficult to keep track of what was done and where to go next, even for -- if I do say so myself -- an experienced stitcher! I made at least one mistake in every piece that I only found far too late to be worth fixing, and in most of them I made multiple such mistakes. Mistakes can and do happen in projects of all sizes and types and levels of experience, and there is no shame in making them! But both the way a pattern is made and the way it is presented can affect the likelihood of mistakes, and this is a prime example of that.
There was also no particular regard for easy placement in the detailing, with the backstitch/straight stitch portions tossed haphazardly over the crosses so that they started 1/3 of the way into a square and ended 3/5 into another, and other such odd fractions. This doesn’t jive well with cross-stitch fabrics, which all function by factors of two; evenweaves (and hardanger) are stitched over two unless you’re doing tinywork, and aida is woven in blocks of four threads. To do detailing at odd fractions, you are forced to split a fabric thread -- a task that blunt tapestry needles are not good at. That’s more of a general embroidery thing, which is done with sharp needles for a reason!
All in all, this pattern felt like it was designed by someone who doesn’t do much actual cross-stitching themself. It is stitchable, as you’ve seen, but boy could it have used some cleanup editing before it hit the presses!
