My friend, oh my dear friend. What does it say about us that you- pious and stubborn- were right all those years ago. I’m sure you’re confused, please bare with me while I try to explain the best I can.
I believe each person in our lives is supposed to learn something, somehow, somewhere from those we surround ourselves with. You have been in my close circle for a long time, I share things with you I cannot share with others, as easily- if at all. I’m not sure if it has to do with your energy work, your connection with our Father, or maybe you possess old world magic, strength from the Gods of Old that mingled with us humans so very long ago. All I really know for sure is you got magic baby, in your touch, in your soul. Like a lighthouse staring out over the ocean waiting in the cold to the sound of the waves, you wait patiently for those drawn into the comforting bay
You know the saying about eyebrows? how they can never be identical but are sisters anyway? Thats how I see us, twin flames foraged from different sparks. But what is there now? Ashes left by the wood I burned, and myself? I’ve transplanted into a new hearth, I’m sorry this makes it difficult to see me, I’m sorry I went away without telling you.
Your answer, to me, was as certain as the sun setting in the evening, or the knowledge that birds will sing in the morning. Maybe because of the nature of our relationship we thought nothing of change. You’re observant and thoughtful, a child just like me, that grew up without someone being innately in tune to my needs. It’s both comforting and terrifying. Because I have never been able to give you back something equally fulfilling, that nurtures that sad neglected inner child.
I don’t know how to feel knowing you’ve come back to me. When we last spoke you were going on your own direction. I did not disparage you for this choice. You did what you felt is right for you and that is all I ever want for you. It’s funny how easy it was to find a place for one person compared to two. What I realized though is that while I may see you as a blessing bestowed upon me, someone irreplaceable, you do not think the same for me. You call me up when you’ve fallen into what you deem a rut or bad habits. In turn I am used as a place to foster things you have made it firm that it is wrong for you. Morally, spiritually, logically. I don’t want to be your bad habit friend. I don’t want to feel like I’m bad for being able to enjoy those things, in a respectful manner.
I’m scared to tell you, but I think it’s laughably ironic. My friend do you remember all those years ago where you said “I have no hard feelings towards you, I wish you the best. But I think we have grown and walked completely different paths.” I had accepted but told you growing together takes work, if you’d like to keep learning more about ourselves together, I’d be happy to build a bridge with you. Maybe I wouldn’t be feeling this terrible cost if I had listened to you.
Despite thinking this is the right decision, I will mourn our friendship. You must pay this price if you want something beautiful. This path is a life-long journey, I hope I have enough grace to appreciate my blessings as they come and the instinct to know when to let go, if something doesn’t service me anymore.
