Today, I deactivated my FB
To be honest, I had a pretty shitty day today (huge surprise, huh?). No, well, maybe it was kind of a surprise, because I have actually been feeling ok up until this past week. There is this phenomenon that I'm sure everyone has experienced. It starts when you feel really ambitious. You feel like you can do anything and the sky is the limit. Ok, I did not feel that ambitious, but I was trying really hard to do my best. Taking a bunch of classes, and working a generous amount of hours on top of that, I sort of eventually just shut down. It was like, one day, I couldn't handle it anymore and my body just gave in. This was too much physical pressure on me. It is now Monday, and I have survived the last week of being at work at 6:30AM (actually 7 because I was always late; that was my small act of rebellion in consequence of my utter misery), and forcing myself to do homework through tired eyes.
Anyway, back to my shitty day story. So yea, periods, they suck. Also, I missed my first class today because my sleep was so deep I did not hear the ten alarms I had set. Usually, the opposite occurs where a slight breeze will brush across my face and I will wake up in a panic. Panic is very common these days. Moving on... So I spent almost all day in school. Finally, it's time to go home and eat some chicken (that's a figure of speech). This is where my day kind of took a huge dive downward. My bus was over an hour late. On top of that, I was over an hour early for this over-an-hour-late bus. Do the math. Fine. That's cool. I am totally used to buses being an hour late (you think I'm kidding?). It was actually the immense amount of time that was totally vulnerable to the act of thinking that caused me to feel the way I do now. Have you ever just had to wait? It's excruciating. I tried passing the time. I ate even though I wasn't hungry (it would have taken longer, but I find it more satisfying inhaling food), walked around, and read stuff until my phone was almost dead. Then, I did the worst thing I could possibly do. I sat, put my hands in my pocket, and waited. I had actually written the kinds of stuff I thought about, but that was making me more depressed, so I erased it.
So, to end this on a blunt note, I came home, realized FB made me feel like shit, so I deactivated it to ease the pain of my shitty day. I have actually been wanting to do this for a long time, but I guess I just had to be in the right deranged mental state to do so. That is actually how a lot of decisions are decisively made in my life. Kind of ironic... Thanks for reading. Goodnight. -JC