#dear log

[umbraastaff]

Dear scientist’s log--I guess that’s how I’m starting these now--for the time being, I’ve decided to focus on the love I do feel instead of the grief I don’t. I’m hoping that’ll help. In lighter news...

[umbraastaff]

Dear scientist’s log--is that a weird way to start a log? I’m--I don’t even need to ask that, actually, that’s super weird. Anyway,

[umbraastaff]

Dear scientist’s log, reasons why I shouldn’t be listening to this music: this joke is the only thing that’s made me laugh for a week.

[pupaprotocol]

I learned how to be dead. i promised myself to live but i knew i could not return alive from Japan. i felt it then and there, making the worst choice, to give up.

carrying a corpse around is exhausting but i see myself doing it a little bit longer. i have nothing left to lose anymore. i don’t love my family like i did and i don’t care about barely anybody or thing enough that it would kill me. there is freedom in it. sometimes i see a dog and my heart turns down to my stomach. i still can not breath and everything hurts when i am awake.

i like when i see nightlights and the green leaves and rain pouring down every other day.

[pupaprotocol]

its all so overwhelming.

i feel like most of the time i can’t take life as it is. the passing of time erases me little by little and i feel it in my bones like a disease. feels like I’m dying, and actually i am. been coughing up blood and i can’t smell since january. sun is in my face treating me like a dead flower. its not of use anymore when you’re rotting.

yet I’ll make myself fight again. for some days, for some hours.

[pupaprotocol]

i love you and the things you do are not something that could condition that,

prolly the most heart opening thing that anyone has said to me; what a pretty thing to be growing as a grown up.

[pupaprotocol]

be smoking all my bf butts like brobie be eating left over pizza from the couch:3 i love it here. i never ever hated it here, cant say the same about home.

being alive is so scary 💭💭💭

[pupaprotocol]

i do not recommend love. you have to share so much; i don’t like it. maybe because i always been an only child. i was not given much or the proper way i think.

yet i think it is what saved me. i guess cause i crave it the most. it’s so cold here, i shouldlearn something about it. it has always kept me alive, preserved. now that im living i see the clock tick away my time. i want it all back.