An open letter to my great ‘what if’:
The whole thing was about defying the norms. Proving the usual beliefs – wrong. Experiencing that sometimes, falling too quick does not always mean infatuation. There's no such thing as a time quota to fulfil, to be able to qualify your feelings to be real. Deceiving as it may seem, we dived in too fast. No testing the water here. Full immersion, head first diving. Pummeled into uncertainty as if there was no consequences to it. As it is inevitable, it caught up on us. Torn by the question: ‘Where do we go from here?’ spending time was just not the same. Innocence was gone and replaced by worry – slowly creeping in.
A paradox really – one of my favorites – genuinely happy, but sad to be aware of the certainty that it’ll all suddenly end. But as the feeling is irrevocable, the choice of being with you always wins. There will be no conclusion to our adventure in this letter. I didn’t write aiming to make a decision but instead I wanted to lay all my cards on the table for you.
I am indecisive – but it was the click that I heard, instantly locking me into the feeling that I’m engulf in right now. It was a click that subconsciously, involuntarily sealed my feelings on to you. It was like an innate reflex.
I am impulsive – nevertheless I take careful steps. Meticulous to the strides I take towards you. Always with the shaky hope that I don’t ruin whatever this is.
I am decidedly, deliberately, in love with you.
And there’s not much to say after that, really. Still in that abyss of uncertainty. Our past scars and future worries won’t let us gamble.
So Mr. What If, I’ll be honestly cliché and wish you find the contentment you seek. The happiness from someone reciprocating your affection and efforts, because I know confidently well enough that you deserve it. I urge you to quench your thirst in wanderlust and give yourself a little more credit than you do now. You are colossally exceptional. A rare breed of wonderful. A shooting star I’ve missed.