ffFire

Hey! I'm Fire Domingo. I open, to you, the pages of my diary - catch my everydays spark!

[fffiredtb]

Well hasn’t it been awhile huh??

I have been super busy lately! Adult-ing is hard and it’s very time consuming... but I have uploaded a vlog to make up for the lack of posting on the blog and you can see the vid here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWvTxZCLZhY&t=8s

Anyways, I am back (as usual) to R A N T. Yes, hello. I haven’t been here for awhile but now that I’m back I shall rant. Sorry not sorry. Now let’s get this stream of consciousness open and flowing... and as alway, my lovely reader, I don’t promise you a red thread within my thoughts. Get ready for an emotional roller coaster as I talk about...

THE BIGGEST BITCH OF THEM ALL: COMPARISON

Can I just say that everyone on this planet has fucking issues?? Okay okay okay, that’s a heavy statement to start with... but it’s TRUE! And, I guess, us as a tiny spec of meat and blood, we have to learn to balance our issues with other people’s issues.

Gah! I’m a few sentence in and i’m already not making sense... so let’s go back to the title. Comparison. Honestly, this is such a big issue of mine. If you personally know me, this won’t be very obvious to you. Unless you are one of the five non-family friend that I have. It’s a tiny little evil monster that sits on my shoulders, whispering nasty shit to me round the clock. It’s one big weakness of mine. But as my mom told me, if you talk about your weakness, make sure you have already come to peace with working around it. So hi, yes i’ve mentioned it, and yes I am (struggling but) finding my way around it. 

I guess, it all roots from insecurity. Even though it might have started from anxiety, depression, upbringing, etc. Comparison would always go hand in hand with insecurity. I personally have thought that my insecurity came from the negativity that my depression brings. But anyhow, insecurity all the same. And as always, i’m not gonna spill some motivational bullshit such as ‘you are special’ or ‘you are perfect’ cos *news flash* no you’re not. I’m not. No one is.

Also I don’t have the solution to stop you or myself from looking at our ‘neighbour’s bowl’ or if their ‘grass is greener’. But I do have figured out a few things that helps me with working around it... I’ll try to keep this short:

Surround yourself with people who loves you. And yes love is a heavy word. And yes that’s what you need. You don’t need half-assed people who can ‘tolerate’ you sometimes. I’m on my early 20′s and let me tell you, this is the time to build a foundation for yourself when it comes to setting your future. And trust me the amount of fake friends that you accumulate over the years won’t count for shit. Now if you have people around you who loves you, they’d want to help you be better. No crab mentality shit here. Friends who are genuinely happy for your success. None of those low-key hating friends that only want the spotlight on them which makes them not happy about your success/achievements.

Find your inner Beyoncé. Fake it til you make it, if that’s what will work for you. Sometimes I give myself inner pep talks on how i’m doing great and i’ll continue to be doing great. And it does get me through the day. I’ve been doing it so often that it somehow just started to be rooted into my mind. And if I have down days, i’ll just do it all over again. Everything takes time but if you start bringing yourself up even just vocally, then you’re ten steps closer to getting there.

Aaah, I said i’ll keep this short but im 99,999 words in. Last one, I think the most important one. Always remember that you are not the only human being on the planet. Others struggle too, don’t add on to people’s struggle. I know usually pep talks would say that you should work on yourself, focus on yourself, ‘you do you’, etc. But, no. We have to keep thinking of others. Cos maybe you’re another person’s source of insecurity? Are you a friend that subconsciously hinder your friends growth? Are you a person who indirectly brings others down? There’s a lot of things that we are unaware of. And I think it’s important to look around sometimes and see if we are who we think we are. Bringing others down doesn’t help anyone. Compliment others/yourself. Empower your friends/family/yourself. 

Idk man. This post is just a full on release of my inner rage of how people always thinks that there’s an existing scale where everyone is placed in. There is no scale. On anything. 

So here’s to us hopefully helping ourself and others feel better. 

Stay gold,

Fire 

[fffiredtb]

Wherever I am, I am always home.

They say ‘home is where the heart is’ and to some length, that is true. I found myself home alone today chatting with my family online, sending videos of me singing to my best friend, updating with my boyfriend who’s on his way home from work while i’m singing loudly to old OPM songs and at the same time trying to clean my tiny place. And I had a moment of realization that I guess this has always been me: enjoying solitude but nonetheless always having people close to my heart. And with the nearing travel to Philippines, I started to wonder... am I going home? Where is home? Am I home right now?

I guess it comes along with the age - early 20′s - isn’t that when most people are worried about where they are, who they are, who they’ll be, where they’ll be? And after years of moving from one city to the other (eleven to be exact), trying to fit in several different groups of people... I think, I only figured it out now. That I’m actually carrying home with me. I am my home. 

Don’t get me wrong, family and love is always important to me. And they are a big part of me, they build up my ‘home’ too. They are the foundations of my home. But there’s something about embracing your self, by your self. Not literally, of course! I’ve always had this fear of missing out, this fear of people looking over my wall and checking if my life is full enough, fun enough. And i’ve always wanted to paint my life ‘beautiful’ by the definition of others. And that’s one of the biggest mistakes I have been doing wrong for a very long time. It’s kind of like social media, we put up this collage of pictures and words of how we want others to perceive us. And we follow this mainstream idea of what a ‘fun, good life’ is. As if, being alone is looked down upon. Not going out on the weekends is you being boring. Or, sitting in a dark room watching movie by yourself is sad. 

It has been many years late but I finally see that what’s actually sad is you not being true to yourself. You not looking at yourself and actually asking yourself, what do you want? What is fun for you? What is beautiful for you? What would you enjoy? Maybe staying home might sound ‘sad’ to others, but does it sound sad to you? And i’m pretty sure that your answer, is what matters the most.

I wish this stigma that being alone is sad would just fade away. Because let me tell you, it is refreshing and total food for the soul. 

Aaand here we go again, I totally got side tracked again. Total 90 degree turn to the post. But hey, I just want to tell  you to carry your home with you. It will make you happier. Wherever you go, whoever you’ll be with, whatever you’ll do - you are always home. It is you who controls how you perceive things. Take over your home. For those who matters don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter.

[fffiredtb]

The truth about change.

You know those video montage in a movie or television series where – a character just suddenly make up their mind that they want to change; and then they show a couple of short clips on how they study, clean up their room maybe, start eating healthy, etc. And then *poof* they are immediately a whole new person. Well let me tell you this, that’s such a load of bull crap. Okay I get it; it will take up too much of the air time to show how they really changed… but, my point is, CHANGING IS SO HARD. It’s beyond hard, it’s difficult. It takes more than motivation to do so. It takes a lot of discipline to begin with and maybe help from others if it’s too difficult for you.

This rant, like all my other blog posts, are of course things that I’m going through. And I hate to admit that right now I am in a pretty shit situation. But haven’t we been all at some point? Or some are just not aware of it? And trust me I would love to change into a better version of myself but unfortunately there is no video montage of my change that’s going to play anytime soon. I don’t mean to be a Debbie downer as always. But hey, they said awareness is always the first step. They just didn’t tell you how many steps there actually is. Heh.

Anyways, like always, it helps that I am surrounded by amazing angels. I don’t know how they are still keeping up with me. I guess that’s one of their other super powers.

Please don’t ever think that you are stuck in where you are or how you are. There is always, always room and opportunity for change. I’m telling you it won’t be easy, but I’m also telling you that the end result is going to feel amazing. So pat your back for even thinking or wanting to change for the better. I believe in you. And that makes me believe in me too.

Good luck to us both.

Stay gold,

Sapphire

[fffiredtb]

9,791 km of patience and understanding.

I’ll start with a disclaimer that I am new to this long distance relationship bandwagon. So new that today is only the fifth day since I left Philippines; but trust me it feels like it’s been more. 

Let me catch you up. I flew back to do my internship; supposedly a three month stay solely intended for school purposes was prolonged to a four month roller coaster with him. But then... i’ll save you the cheesy details but we fell in love. (Whoops, that was still cheesy. Sorry, can’t help it.) Early on there were weeks where we’d only see each other every weekend, since we were both working on the weekdays. So technically that’s five days already. Just about the same days since i’ve left Philippines. But I guess the feeling that I will not be able to see him in the weekend coming, or the next, gives that bitter taste in my mouth making this different than our days apart in the PH.

I’ve seen so many LDRs on social medias, a lot of them are people I personally know as well. And it never really struck me as something so hard to maintain. I mean, my thought process before was that some couples who are only communicating through chat talked more than couples who’d sit on the train together quietly. I don’t know, I just never got around to fully thinking of how hard it was for them. But holy cheese balls I felt it on my first day. Right before my plane took off. I had a mini waterfall in my eye, it was uncontrollable. I literally could feel my heart ache. I was a mess on the plane. Sorry to the woman sitting one seat apart from me. She had to see the entire breakdown. Although we’ve known it for months that the separation was inevitable, we didn’t process it the whole damn time. It only hit us both when we were really apart.

Anyway, from what i’ve gathered, if you’re thinking of being in a long distance relationship or you’re already in one. Here’s my penny for your thoughts. LDR sucks. So much. Yup, I went there. (Didn’t mean to be a Debbie downer, hold on now.) BUT the fact that you knew you’d be apart and still went for it, just goes to show the length you’d go for them. (Literally and metaphorically, haha!) It actually takes more balls to love someone miles apart. Because you know, that the connection is on a level that is not only based on the physical. And i’m not only talking about sex, mind you. I also mean the physical dates, the light pushes when you joke around, holding hands in silence, the hugs after a fight etc.

Damn it, that got me sad. So let me leave you with this. In relationships - long distance or not - there’s always, always, always a chance of getting hurt. It’s almost as if it’s a part of it. But it’s all part of the love. The ups and especially the downs are what makes the relationship special. You don’t get to chose who cupid shoots your arrow to, you can’t pick someone that’s next to you and have just about all the attributes you’d want in a partner. But trust me as long as you feel strongly for this person, everything will follow through. So hold fast. Stay committed. And just trust that there is a happy ending. Might not be bands and fireworks at the end, but as long as he’s there - i’m perfectly fine with it.

PS. Sorry for my love sick rant. I needed it.

PSS. I meant everything I said.

Stay in love,

Sapphire

[fffiredtb]

An open letter to my great ‘what if’:

The whole thing was about defying the norms. Proving the usual beliefs – wrong. Experiencing that sometimes, falling too quick does not always mean infatuation. There's no such thing as a time quota to fulfil, to be able to qualify your feelings to be real. Deceiving as it may seem, we dived in too fast. No testing the water here. Full immersion, head first diving. Pummeled into uncertainty as if there was no consequences to it. As it is inevitable, it caught up on us. Torn by the question: ‘Where do we go from here?’ spending time was just not the same. Innocence was gone and replaced by worry – slowly creeping in.

A paradox really – one of my favorites – genuinely happy, but sad to be aware of the certainty that it’ll all suddenly end. But as the feeling is irrevocable, the choice of being with you always wins. There will be no conclusion to our adventure in this letter. I didn’t write aiming to make a decision but instead I wanted to lay all my cards on the table for you.

I am indecisive – but it was the click that I heard, instantly locking me into the feeling that I’m engulf in right now. It was a click that subconsciously, involuntarily sealed my feelings on to you. It was like an innate reflex.

I am impulsive – nevertheless I take careful steps. Meticulous to the strides I take towards you. Always with the shaky hope that I don’t ruin whatever this is.

I am decidedly, deliberately, in love with you.

And there’s not much to say after that, really. Still in that abyss of uncertainty. Our past scars and future worries won’t let us gamble.

So Mr. What If, I’ll be honestly cliché and wish you find the contentment you seek. The happiness from someone reciprocating your affection and efforts, because I know confidently well enough that you deserve it. I urge you to quench your thirst in wanderlust and give yourself a little more credit than you do now. You are colossally exceptional. A rare breed of wonderful. A shooting star I’ve missed.

[fffiredtb]

Hi 22nd year! Hi 2016!

It’s only been three days in the new year but there’s already so many things that has happened! My family and best friend from the Philippines is visiting us, so the house is very lively and the days are always packed with activities! I feel like i’m a tourist all over again in this country that i’ve been living in for 7 years! (Wow time flies fast!)

I always get drifted away from reality and love. But my family sure do knows how to keep me grounded! It's true that it's very hard out there to be on your own. So people always build this defense mechanism to resist and make it through. So people tend to be less emotional, less fragile. At least I did. I guess you really do have to toughen up otherwise the world will swallow you whole. But coming home, to my warm family, always keeps me grounded and always makes me feel at ease. It's like, in all my adventures (moving from places to places) I have this thick heavy armor to get me by. But coming home, is taking off that armor and being featherweight. Relieved, loved and blessed. That's how I feel everytime I come home. I guess a lot of us feels that way, we just never really sit down and realize it.

Anyway! Big, big things ahead of us this 2016! I'm claiming it already! I call this, the year of change! Ground-breaking change! I know, i know, 'the new year, new me' shit gets to me too. But... i'm not talking about a fitness routine, or 'dry January’, or a new diet, or whatever. I'm talking: new travels, a place to finally settle down in, new school! And these are the only top three things I can think of! Super ecxited although all these big decisions are cracking my head open! But... thanks to TED TALKS' Ruth Chang:

'Far from being sources of agony and dread, hard choices are precious opportunities for us to celebrate what is special about the human condition, that the reasons that govern our choices as correct or incorrect sometimes run out, and it is here, in the space of hard choices, that we have the power to create reasons for ourselves to become the distinctive people that we are. And that's why hard choices are not a curse but a God sent.'

So let's be thankful for hard choices! For they make us decide our fate!

Here's to living with no boundaries this year! Limitless love and limitless growth!

Stay awesome. x

[fffiredtb]

UPDATE!

Long time no talk(/write)! Soo much has happened lately that I have been savoring all the home time I get! (Okay maybe I have been staying at home for two weekend and I still haven’t processed. But anyway :D) One of the highlights (not necessarily a happy one) is that I got braces! It’s a bit late for me to get them but here they are! My ortho said that it will just take three months for me to have them on and my teeth will be perfectly aligned! I didn’t have much of a problem with my teeth so it doesn’t take as long as usual. Then after that, a few months with retainers then my teeth will be all G! It’s a big change for me but it is definitely for the better, so I am embracing it! Must say I had a very rough time when I first got them since I was so shy (also they were super expensive to get done) to go out and have everyone I know see me with braces. But as usual, I was just over thinking and a lot of people didn’t even comment on it or barely noticed I got them on!

Other than that, the rest of 2015 is just a time for growth for me! Got my eye on a better me. And although it’s hard to get started, I am feeling pretty confident on being able to achieve this goal. Oh! And I just got to know that I am going to be living in Canada in the first few months of 2016! Don’t know how long yet but I am decided to stay for quiet a long time. So many exciting things ahead! 2016 most especially! Plans of Canada and afterwards moving to Copenhagen to settle down... all gives me butterflies!

PS. A lot of us gets knocked down but we are not knocked out. So if you are down (also telling myself) you can get back up, and you can do better. 

Hope all is well with you. x

[fffiredtb]

I had a really weird Sunday night. Went to bed at 2 am, woke up twice til I decided to get up for school at 7 am. I had a really bizarre dream but I can’t remember it anymore. Just remember waking up in sweat cos of how intense the dream was. I should really write down my dream right when I wake up.

Anyways, this week is looking bright for me since I actually got to attend all of my Monday classes (which is not normal for me... apparently). Aaand even stayed in school after classes to catch up with school work! (???) Really helps that people around me motivates me. (Thank you, Anda!) I made a hand-out brochure for the electives presentation on Thursday, i’m a bit rusty on Ps but it turned out better than I expected so all is well.

Heading to Copenhagen on Thursday! Veryyy excited to see my family again, it always feels like I haven’t seen them for ages even tho I think I just saw them last month. So if you still live at home - homie appreciate!!

Wish everyone a good week ahead.

I mean that. 

Stay gold. x

[fffiredtb]

Have always loved taking pictures of the clouds. I'm always so amazed by them. Seeing how wide the sky is, always remind me to put things in perspective. We are tiny. The world is huge. Sometimes i put myself in a small circle, thinking that one problem is much bigger than it is. But when i take a step back and look at it from a different perspective, I am reminded that my worries now are nothing. Wow this post is going to a deep turn isn't it? Anyways, just wanted to add a little update to the blog. This week is a pretty rough one for me. And the part that sucks the most is I can't tell anyone why it's rough! Specially since I've always been an open book to my friends and families, keeping my mouth mum about this is torture! BUT as always, I'll power through it of course! How are you? Hope your week is not rough! PS. Don't forget that there is a lot of good people out there, 'but just remember there is a lot of bad and beware!' Take it from Cat Stevens! Hahaha! PSS. This post is a mess! Total stream of consciousness! I love ittt!

[fffiredtb]

The Scandinavian black and white coming after me. Painted my two wheeled Range Rover matte black and finally learned how to pump bike tires. Now getting ready to hit the gym. Talk about a good start for a week. Stay blessed. x

[fffiredtb]

I did a little shoot with my friend last week! Summer almost over and we were lucky to get a day of sun when the whole week has been nothing but rain! It was really fun shooting with someone you're comfortable with. :) These were taken with a non digital camera and with a film! So the burns and leaks on the pictures are all natural, how cool!

[fffiredtb]

Packing packing packing. This week is jam packed and just crazy! I do have an update video hopefully to come soon to make up for the time i was not posting! Hope your days are better and all is well. Stay lovely. x

[fffiredtb]

UPDATE!

A lot of things are going on! My business started two days ago, school projects and moving to a new place! So i haven't had the time to sit down and write. (Also laptop is giving up on me.) But let's catch up soon! Hope you are well. x

[fffiredtb]

So finally my web shop is one more step closer to opening! There has been so many changes from the main idea itself, since now I have chosen to focus on make up (for now). Of course, as I go along I plan on expanding it depending on how things go. I’m real excited about this although I don’t think it will be up very soon since I am moving to a new place with my two classmates at the end of the month! I’ll try to post a lot of content this coming week since it is easter break, which means no school for a week! I will be in Copenhagen for the weekend so i’m looking forward to a lot of fun stuffs!

Btw, I named it MGND because in tagalog beautiful is MAGANDA. And I thought it looks classy having it as MGND. Although the more I look at it the longer the name feels like to me. Thoughts?

If you could i’d be really grateful if you contribute some of your thoughts. What make up brand do you usually use? What make up product do you use everyday? Let me know down below!

Hope you’re doing well, wherever you are or whatever time it is there. Love yourself! x

(Oh and I have to add this post with a question mark so you get to write your thought on the box below so, awkward question mark in the end.)

?

[fffiredtb]

Over the weekend I went back to where my family lives - Copenhagen! It’s always packed and busy whenever I go there, but this time I felt like it was the productive kind of busy. (As in, I didn’t go out drinking or just stayed at home.) I was running errands: dentists, paper processes and I had a photoshoot with a great photographer and my good friend Mary Grace from Photography Smashed with Poetry; together with make up artist Adeleine Kreiberg and Mai Britt’s custom made dresses from ONEofONE. 

It was a first for me to wear wigs for a shoot and it was so much fun! I’ve always wanted to dye my hair in a pastel shade or anything lighter than my brown hair, and putting on pastel green wigs from hip length to shoulder length was such an experience for me! I wish I can just casually wear wigs on normal days but it actually takes so much work. I thought you’d just have to put it on like a beanie or any hat but the work that is under the wig is a work of art! Hands down to Adeleine! 

I’d post the finished photos if I get my hands on them! But right now they are submitted to a magazine spread so we can’t release it yet! Exciting! Sending everyone a blizzard of hugs and love. x 

[fffiredtb]

I finally uploaded it. I don't know where I got the courage from. (Probably cos i'm so bored and i'm kinda regretting not going out tonight.) 

So here's a little look on what I do to get ready (make-up wise). It's quite short and I took away all the bits where I talked but here it is! Hopefully i'll make one that's more detailed in the future! I filmed this ages ago but I only edited and uploaded it today. Let me know what you think!

xo

[fffiredtb]

I always take a million selfies just to post one after editing and adding filter on it. But today I’ll post all the out takes with it!

Yesterday I had my very first house party which I have been so nervous about. I kept thinking what if I have a social anxiety attack while people are in my flat, or that they would not like how my flat looks like, or that I’d end up saying something terribly wrong that would make them not like me. But like all things, as I have found out, it fell into place and everything went alright. All it takes is that one brave step and the small ones after that are easier.

I hope you have a great week ahead! x