you’re lying in bed, staring at the ceiling and being lulled to sleep by the rhythmic clacking of L’s keyboard.
“you know what i wish?” you muse, watching the light coming off his computer brighten and darken as he flicks between screens.
“wishing is of little consequence,” he replies, almost automatically. “it won’t change the reality we live in.”
you ignore him. “ryuzaki, you want to know what i wish?”
he sighs, knowing you’ll persist anyway. “what do you wish, my love?”
“i wish that we were in a romance manga,” you tell him, clutching a pillow to your chest and letting your head hang off the side of the bed. “and you’d be just a detective and i’d be just me.”
he’s silent for a moment, taking in your words before he responds. “but i am a detective and you are you. where would this divulge from reality?”
“no one would die, because it’s a romance manga and it’s not that kind of story,” you say with a sigh. “the biggest mystery you’d be solving was how to ask me out and the only crime committed was how you’d stolen my heart—” he almost laughs at that part, “—and we could have a beach episode and montages of cute dates and a christmas special and—” you prattle on, excited merely over the prospect as you list off other fantasies.
ryuzaki listens as he works, used to this dreamy behavior from you (especially when you’re half asleep like this). your ramblings amuse him.
“i could take you to the beach,” he muses, eyes wandering in thought.
“hm?”
“watari owns several private islands,” he says, wheeling around in his chair to face you. “they’re used for different purposes, mostly as safe houses for emergencies. but i’m sure he wouldn’t mind us staying there on a long weekend.”
“are you being serious, ryuzaki?” you ask after a moment, clutching the edge of the mattress to keep yourself upright. your eyes are big and curious and hold a little ember of hope and giddiness.
“when am i not serious?” he mumbles in reply, clacking away on his keyboard but unable to hide a small smile.
you clap in delight, letting out a happy squeal. “oh my god! a private island retreat!”
“it’s nothing fancy,” he insists, turning back to his work, “so don’t go thinking this is some grand occasion.”
“ryuzaki, what about a private island isn’t fancy?!” you reply, clambering off the bed in a hurry. you whirl about the room, darting between the closet and nightstand and dresser. “i have to pack all my swimsuits and summer clothes and oh, my sandals! and my hats and sunglasses!”
“i didn’t say we were going now,” he chides, casting you an incredulous glance as he watches you flit about the room. your manic energy is endearing, if somewhat exasperating.
you straighten from where you’d been bent over the drawers, grinning and sweeping your hair from your eyes. “ah, you said a long weekend. there’s a holiday next week! if we leave in the next couple days, we can beat most of the travel congestion for the break.”
a small smile manages to overtake him at your spindle of logic. “so you’ve got it all worked out then?”
if you didn’t know any better, you’d think he was teasing you
“yes,” you reply indignantly, “now get watari on the phone and tell him i said ‘pretty please with a cherry on top’.”
he huffs with a soft laugh, shaking his head. you aren’t demanding of much, but once you have your sights set on something there’s no stopping you. “very well, my love. i’ll call watari, but that ‘cherry on top’ you mentioned will be for me, accompanied by a significant amount of cake.”
“deal,” you grin, shooing at him to make the call.
This man would have NO boundaries in a relationship.
You think you're going to get a little privacy in the bathroom? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
You think HE'S going to lock the bathroom door, or even close it for that matter? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 (We even get a frame showing he doesn't chose the door)
That gross habit or weird hobby you have that you only do when you're alone? L's going to be there like 👀👀👀 whatcha doin
That private journal, your phone, your laptop? L: Don't mind if I do.
Your medical information and doctor appointments? L: Don't mind me, I'll just be sitting here eating cake, asking about dinner plans while the doctor palpates your breasts
Your banking info? L: You mean OUR banking info?
Your personal belongings? L: Mine too
You make food? L: Oh, looks like we're sharing
Your 'me time' 😉? L:🦵 👀🦵 Why are you doing it that way? Is that pleasurable for you?
Like, he literally just wants to be within proximity at all times and know everything about you.
Ironically though, and on the plus side, he's the least judgmental partner you'll ever have.
On the down side, setting boundaries with him may arouse suspicion or a sense of rejection and displacement, so you'll always have to explain WHY a boundary is being set.
we creep up on extinction, i pull your arms right in
i weep and say “goodnight, love,” while my organs pack it in
and here it is, our final night alive
and as the earth burns to the ground, oh girl, it's you that i lie with
as the atom bomb locks in
oh, it's you i watch tv with
as the world, as the world caves in
⤷ l lawliet x reader
⤷ soft angst, implied character death (takes place right before L dies), title and lyrics from matt maltese’s “as the world caves in”
those damn bells. he’s heard them all day long.
it started as distracting and has now escalated to pissing him off.
as if ryuzaki didn’t already have enough to deal with. he’s in his prime, at the peak of this case, so very close to solving it all.
and now this, these damn bells.
you’d noticed his increased irritability today. oh, how he’d felt like crying after he’d snapped at you earlier. all you had done was ask if he was feeling alright, offered to maybe bring him some cake, and he’d written you off with a snippy tone and a sarcastic comment.
guilt shriveled up his heart like a punch to the gut.
of course it’s not your fault. you’re not a detective, and you definitely didn’t hear the bells. even if you did, you’d have no idea what they meant in any case.
he wishes he could tell you. now that he knows what’s coming, what was inevitable in every universe, there is so much he wishes he could tell you. but he still can’t, there’s just not enough time. that’s always the problem, isn’t it?
he’s already made his final preparations. have watari arrange to delete the files, contact roger, alert the orphanage. it’s all in order.
he’s made his own arrangements, too. a letter with his final words to you, everything he’s always wanted to say and never could. you’ll find it tomorrow morning, probably.
there’s really nothing else to do now but wait.
you’re already asleep when he comes shuffling into the bedroom, the patter of water droplets following him in.
you stir as he pads toward you, as if you can sense him even in your dreams. you sit up, rubbing the sleep from your eyes and call out to him in a soft voice. it’s a tone he only ever hears when you say his name.
“you’re soaking wet,” you murmur, cupping his face between your hands as you look him over. his eyes are fixed on the spot between your brows where a concerned crease is growing. “what on earth were you doing?”
“up on the roof,” he whispers back. “just thinking. no need to be so worried, love.”
“i always worry about you,” you remind him, thumbs stroking his cheeks as you give him a soft smile. “that’s my job. i think you’ve been overworking yourself lately. i know you can’t help it, but you ought to at least take decent care of yourself.”
he gives no response aside from a low hum. he’s quiet as you towel him dry with gentle hands, get him out of his sopping clothes and into comfortable pajamas.
you’re brushing his damp hair back with your fingers, tracing the lines of his face like you’re trying to memorize it with your touch, when he speaks in a quiet voice.
“i’m sorry i snapped at you earlier.”
you blink, surprised. you’d just about forgotten it already.
“is that what’s got you in this mood?” you muse, crawling into bed to sit beside him. not just that, he thinks as his hands find yours, resting in your lap. but that’s about the only thing i can apologize for right now. he can’t bring himself to meet your eyes.
“it’s okay, ryuzaki,” you tell him, and he feels the warmth and kindness in your voice.
no it’s not.
“i shouldn’t have spoken to you that way,” he insists quietly, staring down at your interlocked hands.
“really, ryuzaki, i’m not upset. you’ve been overworked and stressed and i should’ve let you be.”
“i love you,” he says, his black hole eyes staring right through your soul. it doesn’t scare you. it never has.
“i love you too, ryuzaki. let’s go to bed, okay? you’ll feel better tomorrow.”
he really wishes that were true, but he lets you pull him down to rest beside you anyway. he treasures the way your body curls against his, the warmth of you beside him.
he tries to internalize it all. the smell of your shampoo, the faint humming of his computer in the corner, the rise and fall of your chest as you breathe.
his fingers are ghostly gentle as they trace over the soft planes of your face. his heart tugs when your eyes crinkle with a little smile.
“what are you looking at me like that for?” you ask in a whisper.
it takes him a second to respond, lost in your eyes. “you’re…the most beautiful thing i’ve ever seen.”
you stifle a little giggle into the pillow, basking in this rare affection. you have no idea what tomorrow holds—the agony the coming days, weeks, years will be for you.
what a small miracle the marginal odds of you two finding each other were. what a little tragedy it is that it was never something fated to last.
but fate has no place here tonight. in the safety of this bedroom, with the rain pouring heavy outside and the man you love—the intangible, elusive enigma that is L transformed into the quiet, thoughtful, lovely man that you know as ryuzaki—at your side, you are happy.
dividers by @/saradika-graphics — because i love angst apparently?? kitty drops two bangers in one day, what are the odds. if you’re looking for fluff to fix this please check out daydream or my retired detective!L headcanons (where he lives!!) much love and take care, - 𝚔𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚢 !
i feel like he’d thrive with a pet. he’s never had any exposure to animals so it’s definitely a new experience for him. i think the unpredictability of a cat would suit him. its irregular behavior keeps him on his toes, given his tendency to analyze patterns. he’d be very affectionate with a cuddly cat
i think he would also like the loyalty of a dog. he needs stability in his life 🫶 and a cute little puppy that’ll grow w him is just perfect for him. plus, im sure it’d force him to exercise a little more (couldn’t hurt him tbh) w all the running after it he’d be doing
he watches true crime for background noise—if he actually sits down to watch it, he’ll figure it out in the first five minutes (if he didn’t already know the case outcome himself). he needs to multitask in order to genuinely enjoy it, so he usually puts it on while he cooks or cleans so he’s not dedicating his full focus to it and proceed to act like a mom watching a telenovela
*gasp* “they found the body in the lake!”
“hmm…that was anticlimactic.”
“‘breaking news’? i had already figured that out three episodes ago.”
“oh, i worked this case!”
his cooking is shit at the beginning. you have to be patient with him. he goes in thinking bc he’s so smart it’ll come out good no matter what. (this is the case with a lot of activities he’s now discovering due to the new lifestyle). he is wrong.
HOWEVER…he does improve with time. he’ll follow a recipe to perfection and study it until he gets it right. the only downside is his food tends to be on the more plain/bland side, so if you like strong flavors i’d keep seasonings handy. he grew up in england, what do you expect? he does excel at making sweets and baked goods though, those tend to come out more flavorful.
for all his previously normal ‘secrecy’ he’s actually a chronic oversharer. because you’re bonded for life now, he feels the need to tell you everything, all of the time. his brain runs a mile a minute and he voices pretty much every thought he has.
“does the fan seem louder to you?”
”no, ryuzaki. go to bed.”
“but we’re not doing anything tomorrow, so we can sleep in. there’s no need to go to bed right this instant.”
“…”
“that won’t be the case next week, though, we’ve got that birthday dinner to attend.”
“…”
“dinner sounds nice enough, but i loathe the thought of shopping for a present. maybe—“
“ryuzaki. go. to. sleep.”
“hmph.”
similarly, he has a tendency to notice your patterns (he calls it a “detective’s habit”). he’s freakishly accurate with it too. sometimes it’s useful, like when he stops at the store to pick up your favorite snacks and hygiene products when he knows your time of the month is approaching. however, sometimes it’s…just weird
“darling, do you need to use the restroom?”
“um…no?”
“really? interesting. your diet hasn’t changed the last couple days, and you usually use the restroom at approximately this time for about 10 to 12 minutes every day.”
“…what the fuck?”
even though you’ve both changed your names in order to secure your identities and safety, he still calls you by your real name when it’s just the two of you. in public he prefers to call you pet names instead of your newfound aliases
he has no issues switching back n forth and he’d never slip up for fear of exposing you both, but he just tries to avoid calling you by your cover name. he feels a little guilty because if he was a ‘normal person’ you wouldn’t have had to undergo all these procedures just to be with him. he’s used to using different names for himself, but it makes him a little sour that you now have to do that too :(
speaking of sour, he’s a veeeryy jealous man. he’s not obnoxious or even outright about it, but he doesn’t like when other people get too close to you (physically and emotionally). part of it is him being paranoid that they “know something” about you, but part of it is just bc he’s just a clingy lil guy 🥺 and he just wants to be your only special guy
he’s like a territorial cat
he gets nightmares about the kira case and all of his other past cases. he doesn’t make a scene when he wakes up from them, but if you notice he’s awake don’t ask him about them. it’s unlikely he’ll answer you, and he’ll feel bad thinking he woke you up. just pretend to still be asleep and subtly cuddle closer
it coaxes him right back to sleep knowing you’re safe and sound beside him. if you’re brave you can ask in the morning, but it’s likely he’ll have forgotten the dream by then
pleeeeassee take up yoga with him. since he doesn’t need to be crouched in his heightened-deductive-skill position 24/7 anymore, it’s a worthwhile investment to fix his posture and his numerous back problems. he might enjoy the calmness and flexibility yoga provides
he might be open to the idea of children. according to canon, he only interacted with the wammy kids once very briefly, but i like to think he was fairly involved with the orphanages considering they were raising his successor. it only makes sense they’d need to get to know him at least a little—and it would explain why near’s mannerisms are so similar to his.
i think contrary to popular opinion he would be good with kids—in his own special way. he’s not exceptionally cuddly, but he won’t reject affection either. and his intuition and reflexes are so keen that it’s not like the kid would ever be in danger.
he’s such a homebody. i mean, we already knew that—but him being able to go out in public now has not changed his desire to want to be alone (w/ you)
he has mixed feelings about crowded places. on the one hand, the anonymity of it is kind of nice and it sets his mind at ease that no one will be able to recognize you two in such a swarm. but on the other, someone is touching him and all the noise n stuff sorta overstimulates his nervous system
the next best alternative? take him to places that are still public and out-and-about but a little more secluded. a corner booth in the back of a little restaurant, a sprawling botanical garden, an independent cafe that’s not overcrowded, etc
HE CANT DRIVE LMAOOO. a helicopter is one thing but cars??? on the road??? with other cars?????!!! he cannot. he’s a MENACE. hopefully you can drive, but if not then it comes to public transportation 🤷♀️
Ummmm I’ve been sitting here for a while trying to think of how to ask about this but ig I just will aha .. how do you think L would respond/ think of a partner who was abused when she was small, so ends up reporting many abusive men to the FBI, (sometimes coordinated group reports) and even sometimes gets convictions out of it? She’s also autistic and has various PTSD triggers (would he help ground her with them?) 🥺
I have various thoughts myself but I love hearing others too ❤️
(Sorry for the delay, anyhow let's get into it)
L doesn’t interpret people through idealized or emotional lenses. He assesses what they do, why they do it, and what patterns emerge.
So with a partner like the one you described:
On her past abuse
If her recounts of the abuse were consistent, added up, didn’t demand anything from him, and presented as data to explain her behavior - or neutral information about her history - he would take it seriously and be mildly sympathetic and considerate, but not overly emotional about it.
However, if the past abuse is framed as a trauma that he is meant to soothe, or as an excuse for poor behavior, this is where he would start to view the framing as inefficient or misattributed, and disengage from it rather than validate it
On her reporting
This is where L becomes skeptical.
If she knew how the FBI actually works and had evidence to support her reports, it would be largely neutral to him - however, the emotional motive wouldn’t go unnoticed and he would monitor that. He’d mostly keep his distance from it unless a specific report interested him.
However, if her reports are unsupported by evidence, don’t lead to outcomes, are driven by emotion and bias, this would quickly reduce her credibility in his eyes and be categorized as inefficient or unreliable behavior.
On autism / PTSD (self-claimed or diagnosed):
L doesn’t care much about labels. He focuses on needs and behaviors.
If the label can be used to give a logical explanation for a behavior, he sees it as neutral to positive. If it’s just a term, it’s irrelevant. If it’s used to justify behavior without addressing it, he would see that as a logical inconsistency and take issue with it.
On Grounding
He isn’t emotionally soothing in a conventional sense.
However, he is willing if it’s not constant and not demanded.
L isn’t uncaring, he just doesn’t want a partner’s emotional state to be his full-time job. He prefers a partner who usually self-regulates, but he isn’t adverse to co-regulation if self-regulation fails - he’s adverse to co-regulation being frequent and treated as the default.
His regulation looks more like minimizing exposure to triggers and offering consistent, repeatable methods to stabilize - not emotional reassurance, comfort, and nurturing.
Overall
L is also not someone who validates conclusions without evidence, even in a partner. He would separate what can be verified from what cannot.
