we creep up on extinction, i pull your arms right in
i weep and say “goodnight, love,” while my organs pack it in
and here it is, our final night alive
and as the earth burns to the ground, oh girl, it's you that i lie with
as the atom bomb locks in
oh, it's you i watch tv with
as the world, as the world caves in
⤷ l lawliet x reader
⤷ soft angst, implied character death (takes place right before L dies), title and lyrics from matt maltese’s “as the world caves in”
those damn bells. he’s heard them all day long.
it started as distracting and has now escalated to pissing him off.
as if ryuzaki didn’t already have enough to deal with. he’s in his prime, at the peak of this case, so very close to solving it all.
and now this, these damn bells.
you’d noticed his increased irritability today. oh, how he’d felt like crying after he’d snapped at you earlier. all you had done was ask if he was feeling alright, offered to maybe bring him some cake, and he’d written you off with a snippy tone and a sarcastic comment.
guilt shriveled up his heart like a punch to the gut.
of course it’s not your fault. you’re not a detective, and you definitely didn’t hear the bells. even if you did, you’d have no idea what they meant in any case.
he wishes he could tell you. now that he knows what’s coming, what was inevitable in every universe, there is so much he wishes he could tell you. but he still can’t, there’s just not enough time. that’s always the problem, isn’t it?
he’s already made his final preparations. have watari arrange to delete the files, contact roger, alert the orphanage. it’s all in order.
he’s made his own arrangements, too. a letter with his final words to you, everything he’s always wanted to say and never could. you’ll find it tomorrow morning, probably.
there’s really nothing else to do now but wait.
you’re already asleep when he comes shuffling into the bedroom, the patter of water droplets following him in.
you stir as he pads toward you, as if you can sense him even in your dreams. you sit up, rubbing the sleep from your eyes and call out to him in a soft voice. it’s a tone he only ever hears when you say his name.
“you’re soaking wet,” you murmur, cupping his face between your hands as you look him over. his eyes are fixed on the spot between your brows where a concerned crease is growing. “what on earth were you doing?”
“up on the roof,” he whispers back. “just thinking. no need to be so worried, love.”
“i always worry about you,” you remind him, thumbs stroking his cheeks as you give him a soft smile. “that’s my job. i think you’ve been overworking yourself lately. i know you can’t help it, but you ought to at least take decent care of yourself.”
he gives no response aside from a low hum. he’s quiet as you towel him dry with gentle hands, get him out of his sopping clothes and into comfortable pajamas.
you’re brushing his damp hair back with your fingers, tracing the lines of his face like you’re trying to memorize it with your touch, when he speaks in a quiet voice.
“i’m sorry i snapped at you earlier.”
you blink, surprised. you’d just about forgotten it already.
“is that what’s got you in this mood?” you muse, crawling into bed to sit beside him. not just that, he thinks as his hands find yours, resting in your lap. but that’s about the only thing i can apologize for right now. he can’t bring himself to meet your eyes.
“it’s okay, ryuzaki,” you tell him, and he feels the warmth and kindness in your voice.
no it’s not.
“i shouldn’t have spoken to you that way,” he insists quietly, staring down at your interlocked hands.
“really, ryuzaki, i’m not upset. you’ve been overworked and stressed and i should’ve let you be.”
“i love you,” he says, his black hole eyes staring right through your soul. it doesn’t scare you. it never has.
“i love you too, ryuzaki. let’s go to bed, okay? you’ll feel better tomorrow.”
he really wishes that were true, but he lets you pull him down to rest beside you anyway. he treasures the way your body curls against his, the warmth of you beside him.
he tries to internalize it all. the smell of your shampoo, the faint humming of his computer in the corner, the rise and fall of your chest as you breathe.
his fingers are ghostly gentle as they trace over the soft planes of your face. his heart tugs when your eyes crinkle with a little smile.
“what are you looking at me like that for?” you ask in a whisper.
it takes him a second to respond, lost in your eyes. “you’re…the most beautiful thing i’ve ever seen.”
you stifle a little giggle into the pillow, basking in this rare affection. you have no idea what tomorrow holds—the agony the coming days, weeks, years will be for you.
what a small miracle the marginal odds of you two finding each other were. what a little tragedy it is that it was never something fated to last.
but fate has no place here tonight. in the safety of this bedroom, with the rain pouring heavy outside and the man you love—the intangible, elusive enigma that is L transformed into the quiet, thoughtful, lovely man that you know as ryuzaki—at your side, you are happy.
dividers by @/saradika-graphics — because i love angst apparently?? kitty drops two bangers in one day, what are the odds. if you’re looking for fluff to fix this please check out daydream or my retired detective!L headcanons (where he lives!!) much love and take care, - 𝚔𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚢 !
So here you are mourning L‘s death because whatever had been between you never had been spoken out loud. Besides the fact you always were the spiritual type and he the logic one…until he appears in your room. Helping you to solve the Kira case, as you try to figure out why he is still here as a ghost…
Hello world, idk why this idea got in my head when I just wanted to write something angsty and yet still romantically tragic 🥲🥲 so here you are a medium being able to see dead people who weren’t ready to go just yet. And after L‘s death that left you in pieces you saw him too…maybe it’s not everyone’s cup of tea but I kinda liked that idea. And you also got some cute flashbacks when he was still alive ✨✨🤌🏻
Wordcount: 5,5 k
Warnings: L‘s death, dealing with loss, angst, kinda fluff sometimes just to balance the depression🤙🏻
Life was hard, it was even harder now that L passed. Now that you felt like you would be on your own.
Who were you, even, when he was not there?
Not that you two had labeled your relationship, it never came to this point. None of you ever said it, none of you ever acknowledged it for what it truly was.
Firstly, it was complicated, you were one of the kids from Wammys's House, although you were not quite like L or Mello, or even Near.
You were different, but special to say at least. You were a medium, something that was not quite fitting into it, but Watari saw your potential. And indeed you had helped in some cases, although when you could sense souls and ghosts, and kept talking to them, still it was necessary to get the evidences. Without evidences, there was no crime, right?
Being a medium had its challenges, but the biggest challenge of all? That people needed to believe you, and trust is not always something people like to work with.
Watari had his own proof, why he believed it was real, but L. L was a man of logic, something like a medium? Was that really real? Not for him, not at all.
And it was not like you could have been proving it to him. It was not so easy, you may see people that had died, but it was not like everyone wanted to talk to you, nor that everyone after their death would remain as soul on earth. It was simply not a save option.
You were a smart thing, especial in social intelligence.
One of the reasons why L, still liked to have you around. You were smart in your own way, charming even, maybe a little odd since you saw ghosts, but charming.
No matter how much he tried to understand you or the whole thing itself, it was not for him. Nothing he could have explained logically, and this was something he disliked.
One of the reasons why it took so long until you two got accustomed to each other over the years. But you two grow closer in the Kira case...much closer.
You sat on a couch, your face tears struck like always since the last weeks, since the moment you saw how L fell from the couch into Lights arms. These big dark eyes in shock, his heart what stopped beating. It was horrifying for you. You were surrounded by death, yes. But usually it never terrified you since you learned to live with it.
But it was L, your L. The man you slowly gave your heart to. Regretting you never said anything clear to him. It shattered you. You missed him, and since his death, he never popped up again, at least you thought so.
Sometimes there was a weird feeling, especially when you were in bed in the night, as if someone would hug you, yourself too sleepy and exhausted from the crying, thinking it probably was just your imagination. L would have showed up, wouldn't he? When his soul would be still here?
Often people remained when they weren't ready to go, when they didn't clarify something, so you thought he was still there, but there was no sign of it.
It depressed you to a state you barely was able to go outside, you tried to support Near and Mello, you tried but yourself too caught up in the mess.
You sat there with your knees against your chest and your arms slung around them, staring into the empty TV.
"In hell with you, Lawliet, how could you leave me here?" you mumbled, wiping away a tear.
You wanted to get together, you really wanted. It was just so hard.
But this was the moment...when suddenly a figure appeared walking from the front door right in front of you to the nearby stool. Baggy jeans and a white shirt, it crouched down on the stool with bare feet. You sat there without a reaction at all. It was a daydream perhaps, you always saw him in your dreams.
"In one thing I was wrong, truly wrong. You indeed are a medium. At least in death I can give you right." the voice was so known and clear to you. You felt cold, so very cold.
Your eyes widened, your voice stuck in your throat. A shiver ran down your spine.
More hot tears poured into your eyes.
Was this really L? Did he show up? Now?
After that moment you decided to move from the couch, it was him, his damn ghost was still here.
"I didn't plan to leave you. But I guess, it's my fault, like it is always when you are angry with me." he added then, because h had heard how you mumbled to yourself, his tone kinda dry with that sarcasm but logical intent.
You suffered, he saw it. He felt it, and you could tell he suffered with you, because of his own death.
Never did L thought you would mourn after him like that. Not with the unsaid things from both of you.
He was the one who came in the night when you had nightmares, to hug you with his ghostlike cold presence. Who kept whispering soothing things in your ear. But, who refused to show up, because he hoped you would stop missing him.
He didn't want to disturb your mourning process, but well, he saw there was no point in hiding anymore. Not when you were sitting in a hole like this.
"Are you insane? I cry my damn eyes out, and you show up like weeks later?" you asked him, tears rolling down your cheeks, you were sad, and relieved and angry all at the same time.
You grabbed a pillow from the couch, before throwing it at him.
It simply flew through him, L's dark eyes looked down right on his chest where the pillow flew through.
"This, was not nice, it felt tingly, like uncomfortable tingly." he said to you, his expression still not really faltered.
After your little outburst you went over to him, dropping on your knees, your big sad eyes looking at him, kinda even pleading.
"Why didn't you showed up earlier? You knew I didn't lie to you of being a medium. You felt it, at least this is what other ghost said, they felt when someone could see them." you explained, you wanted to reach out, but you knew even when you tried to touch him, he was not really there, at least not physical.
He sighted, so many things in his big brain, and yet this was hard. In death, there was no investigation he could follow, only him and his existence now. The fact that he loved you, and never said it. He made a mistake in not believing you...
"I hoped you would get over it. Like you always get over things. I thought it would be better when you think I am gone. But I am stuck here, and you didn't seem to stop being sad." he told you, you could listen to the sad tone in his voice.
L had restrained himself, for your sake.
"Yeah, get over you...as if that would be so easy." you chuckled, because of the irony in this situation yet your voice still hurt.
"You are stuck because of the Kira case, aren't you?" you mused out loud, before looking back into his face.
Your face, so pretty and full of adoration towards him. No matter how complicated your kinda relationship had been, how unsaid things were and how sarcastic you were sometimes towards him, you adored L.
You never got tired of trying to understand him, and even when you don't, you never judged him. A trait he loved on you, a trait he admired, you weren't to judge, not him.
"It is Light... I know it was Light, but he is still not arrested." he agreed with you, before his cold fingertips reached out. You couldn't touch him, but he could touch you.
Pale fingertips marveling at your skin, before a thumb wiped away a tear.
Why did you even like him? He still couldn't get it. You, a sweet thing like you, although he didn't really believe you with being a medium until his death...
~~~~
"What I mean is, I believe that you believe that you are like talking to ghosts or seeing things. I am just going after the facts. No need, to throw a tantrum." his voice was calm, too calm for your taste when he still kept looking into a file on the monitor. The white dim light illuminating his features. Dark circles from the lack of sleep, and yet he didn't let discuss his opinion about you.
"Oh, so you are stating I am psychotic? Do I seem insane to you, L? Watari called me, because you are running out of evidences, and I could help to at least get a point." you replied in an instant, leaning over the desk.
You were not amused he could tell, to this point he knew what was said what you could do. And it was not like he wouldn't go along with you. Always thinking you were weird, but cute. Since he was small, since he grew up with you. But working with you? On this level, that he needed your help? Help in talking with dead people? It sounded awkward in his head.
"Well, when you are talking like that, insane seems to be an option." there was his dry sarcasm, when he saw you took a deep breath and was about to throw something at him.
When you were angry everything was a weapon to you.
"Watch your tongue, Lawliet. I am not in the mood for that. But fine, when you think you can do it without me. I am going back to the Wammy's House." you meant, clearly pissed at him.
It was not like he wouldn't believe in your person, and you didn't seem to be insane. But for him, it was not logical at all.
He sighted before finally turning to you, when he watched how you wanted to grab your bag.
So cute how you tried to assert dominance and as if you wouldn't care.
You were sensitive and L was pretty much aware of that.
"Stop being angry, you can't go...not yet. I mean, would you feel better when I let you do your stuff? I will take a look, for whatever you will gather on information. However unconventional it will be." he meant, maybe more, to not have you go back. He couldn't explain it, but he liked when you were around, kinda. Besides that, he would get a word from Watari, when he wouldn't at least let you do your stuff. It was not like you would be stopping the other investigations or anything, he would just need to get over with it. At least in his mind.
He saw your expression soften a little.
"Idiot." you bickered before turning back to finally take a look in the case.
He could turn the tables to a better start at least.
"You are still making cheesecake when you are done, right?" he suddenly asked you, as if nothing was wrong. He loved cake and sweets, but he loved the cheesecake you made the most. You gave him a glare when he looked at you, his eyes seemed to be cold, but you saw there was a tiny little bit of a plea in them.
"When the detective stops being a difficult teenager, maybe." no matter how sweet you were, you were a handful when you got attitude because you were angry.
~~~~
"You never told me you thought it was him?" you spoke, feeling tingly cold touches from his hand, it felt like a cold winter breeze, soothing you and gently stopping your tears.
So many things happened between you two. From the very fact you two the complete opposite, but the damn pull you had to each other.
And now that he was dead...you were the only person who could see him, who could talk to him as long as he was stuck here.
"I never had an evidence, you know me, don't you, sweetheart?" his voice felt to be a little lower, he missed you, yearned for you. And yet the case, the case was important, not just for him, but he knew how hard it would be for Near and Mellow...and for you.
"You always want a proof, for everything. I could sing a song about that." you answered, especially since it was a pain in the ass to make him believe in your delicate state of being someone who could interact with ghosts.
"Near and Mello are now trying to catch Kira...or more Light. But it's complicated. They have different methods." you told him then, leaned into that could touch, he caressed your soft skin.
You were still looking up at him, wanting to dig your fingers in this raven hair, what was so fluffy. But your heartbeat seemed to get steadier, now that you kinda had him here.
"And this is the point...they are good, I won't say there are. But you need to help them... I am here because you need to get out of here and do something." he said, his voice as urgent. It was serious, he leaned now down, still crouching like he always did. His forehead touching yours.
You looked into his eyes, even when he was dead now he wasn't gone.
"I don't know what I should do, even when it is true, and it is Light...most of his victims don't even know what happened. And one of them refused to talk about him." you explained it to him, you felt lost, without him, you felt so lost. You had tried your fair share of communicating with some of his victims, but there was that point....You a medium, but you needed to rely on the help of the dead people. And not everyone was still here, or they didn't even want to tell you. Not everyone was nice or interested in the living anymore.
"It's not just about your ability, you are more than your ability. I had told you that, haven't I?"
It was true, since it was difficult for him to accept your being as medium, he saw other qualities. Qualities that others didn't seem to notice at all.
You were perfect for being supportive in these things. Did your best to make it easier for L, you took care of him. You indeed tried to help him understand the social aspects better, you had ideas with different insights.
You were...lovely.
And since Wammys's House was like family for you, Mello and Near were like younger brothers.
Younger brothers who would need you, in some way.
"You did tell me a lot." your voice still was sad. He said so much and yet not everything. Just like you.
"There is something you didn't tell me, right?" he asked you before his cold hand gently cupped your chin, tilting your head.
Indeed, a thing, you never could really explain yourself. And you were a medium, you were fertile for paranormal things.
"I didn't tell you because I didn't know what I...saw or more what I sensed." you said and shrugged your shoulders, trying to look away since this was something what creeped you out.
But L didn't let you turn your head away.
"You don't get rid of me in death with avoiding my eyes, tell me." L wasn't pushing you, but he was firmer.
"Light...there is something around him, something that follows him. I can't see it, I...sometimes, I just can maybe sense a shadow. I don't know what it is, it is not his aura and it is not a ghost. It is different." when you spoke out what you sensed, your eyebrows knit together.
"It doesn't seem evil, like more neutral. As if it is waiting what happens." you added in thought.
"Whatever it is...you need to find it out. Near and Mello need to find it out. I am here, I maybe can't really invest age, but you can do it for me. They both need you, as I needed you." his voice was serious, and it was like he wanted to tell you so much more...but this now was bigger than you two.
"I am not even half as smart as-" you tried to argue, since Ls death you were more than insecure in yourself.
"You are smart, you are talented, you are what I needed. What I still need, but I am not alive anymore. But they are, and they need you." he interrupted you, as he cupped your cheeks now with both hands.
"They do everything on their own. Mello is more drastic, wants that Kira makes a mistake, while Near tries to be more attentive. How should I even make this work, they do what they want." as you explained he could listen to your desperation, not just about his death but about the over all situation.
"When someone can change that....then it's you. You made me see, so you can make them see. You need to be there for them, I know it's hard. And believe me, I never wanted to make you sad, not now or ever. But you need to get up, right now you need to do something...as you always did for me." Ls words were sincere, true, and now the clinical detachment was away. It was warm, he wanted the best. And the best was you....
~~~~
"Come on, you needed a break. A few hours won't hurt you." you said as you lead him down the hallway from the hotel. You were much too joyful now. He had been up for about 1 1/1 day, no real break. This case, still damn hard, another case where you were called to help.
Although since the last times, L requested you for your special insights. Even when he never said it, but he liked having you by his side. The way you always looked over his shoulder, analyzing the files and pictures. And your proximity...weird for him to acknowledge that, but sometimes he felt the urge to brush a strand of hair out of your face. The reaction you had when he did it, when you blushed...made him want to do it again, but he wouldn't push boundaries.
L was always an observer, so he tried to gauge out your reactions.
"Not me, that's true but maybe someone else." L replied as he watched how you were looking for a key card.
"I know you got a big brain, and it is working non-stop. But without some sleep or at least some peace, not even you can be focused perfectly all the time. You are still a human, mostly, I think." the chuckle you had when you opened the door and literally pulled him on his wrist inside.
"I was tested, as a child. I am a human, everything is alright. My blood type is B and I have a good metabolism." he threw facts around just to fuck you up a little.
But not today, not when you finally tried to get him to relax. It was always like this when you were with him. You disliked that he rarely slept and that he was always in front of a monitor.
Not that you didn't understand it, but even when he didn't want to take a break, you wanted him to take one.
So you tried to be a little creative.
"Yeah, maybe it is written you are human, but you are still a weirdo. Never mind, I prepared something." you let him know and switched on a little light.
You looked nervous, your idea had been endearing.
It was a castle you build out of pillows and blankets, with some fairy lights. You wanted to make something cozy. You always knew L was a damn smart one, and even as a child totally weird because his brain worked different. And yet sometimes he enjoyed being in a castle made out of blankets and pillows. It was quiet with you inside there, enough time to play chess or read. Having you yapping about the "weird people" you saw.
"I know, a little random, but I think you had enjoyed it too when we were younger. I just...thought, well, it could be-" while you tried to talk and telling him why you did it, he already walked forward to the entrance, crouching down to crawl inside.
It was a little hard for him to tell you, he found it heart-warming, since this was a strange feeling for him in his chest, but he liked it, and he would show you it with crawling inside.
"I understand the act of this. Things that we used to like, bringing back a nostalgic feeling, what is there to feel calm and relaxed. Probably that what you planned for me. So are you coming?" L spoke out the facts, understanding the thought behind it, explaining it like it would be a scientific fact.
You two chilled inside there, indeed playing chess, what you lost of course what else, you never won against L. You even had placed some candy inside for him.
When you two laid in the pillows as you looked up to the fairy lights, his head turned over to you. Studying your profile. The form of your nose, the shape of your lips, your soft skin, the way your hair was a little disheveled from being inside here. You were so pretty, a pretty girl in an ugly world.
L was always a weirdo for others, but he never gave much away for it. He had his quirks and there were people who put up with him like that, people like you.
You on the other side, a weirdo too, seeing dead people, being a medium. But you were more empathic, more sensitive to the reaction you got from people.
"Why you are staring at me?" you asked him, your eyes not moving away from the light above you. Still the black eyes solemnly on you, only you.
"I just seem to like your profile." he let out, clearly saying what he thinks.
"My profile? So you don't like my front face?" you asked him, with a playful edge in your voice as you finally turned your neck. You two were so close now. Just a few inches and your noses would touch, with the way you laid there.
"Oh, I do like your front face. It's a pretty face. I always wonder why you are so good at managing with others, but I guess for other persons it's hard to say no to a pretty face." he meant, clearly searching logical reasons why you seemed to appeal to him. And there was this slight blush over your nose. As you wanted to turn your head away because you noticed it.
"Don't turn away, this is the best part. That pink shade on your face. Let me look at it." his hand reached out to gently grasp your chin.
And now, now it was a moment it made his brain stop.
What was that feeling? What was he feeling when he did that, and it came just so out of instinct. L usually never just acted out of instinct, everything he did was calculated and for a reason.
"For someone who is a pain in the ass, you can be pretty demanding. Just so you know." you tried to pull it off with your little attitude, but you failed when you got lost in his own dark eyes.
"To be honest... I don't know what I do when it is about you." he let out. It was true you were so different from him, and yet still this fact you said you were a medium, that Watari himself meant you were special. Special, like all the Wammy kids, just differently.
"You are joking, you know exactly what you do." was the reply you gave him, and you really believed he would know, since he always did these things to make you blush.
"Nah, you are relying on assumptions. I just analyzed what makes you blush, I can't help myself. I don't even know why I like it. It's just so interesting that one small move can bring you out of concept. And that for someone who says who can talk to ghosts." L spoke, and his voice was a little lower. Maybe he got a little bolder, not quite getting that his actions had not only an impact on him but on you too.
He liked seeing you blush, but now he liked how your pupils widened, how your breath seemed to stuck in your throat.
"Dead people don't do stuff like that, this is different." you tried to argue, so cute. But he propped himself up, leaning with his head over you.
He could see your blush interned, his breath mingled with yours.
Your red cheeks heating up more. His breath smelled like the candy you two ate.
You always smelled good, he always liked the feeling he got when he got a whiff of your perfume.
"Dead people...stay buried." he meant, his voice just a whisper now when you felt his cold hand laid on your neck. You kinda wanted to pull away, since you got the feeling he grew bolder in gauging out your reactions, but you would lie when you would say you dislike it.
"Not always, but I guess we had this discussion." you replied before you felt his nose touching yours. He wanted to try this closeness, and he only felt comfortable trying it with you.
"Exactly we had...we should move on to another topic, I guess." he said to you, when he felt that you laid one hand of yours on his shoulder, as you kept looking him in the face.
"May I try to kiss you?" the question slipped out of his mouth. It made you sigh.
"You have me blushing and barely breathing here. I would be worried when not." you admitted it, a little shy, but you admitted it that you would be ok with it.
And as soon as his lips laid on yours, so sweet and gentle at first...it turned out to be intense. L himself, a little overwhelmed when he noticed that this was indeed relaxing.
How soft your lips felt against his, the way your finger went through his hair. That he didn't even want to get air.
Slowly it turned out to be a make out session, tongued tangled with each other. Sloppy kisses and kiss bitten lips. No time to speak or think, just to feel.
But when you decided to take more the lead, the detective as gone. When your hands laid on his lean shoulders. When you rolled you two over so you straddled his lap. When your lips drifted down his cheek, his sharp jawline. Peppering it with kisses.
But as soon as you gently nipped and sucked on his pulse point, you felt how he had grabbed your waist. How his fingers dug into your clothes, as he tried to suppress a breathy whimper.
It was not the intention to go too far, really not, but this was simply just the start of the relationship you two would have.
Never really saying it out loud, always something to do, always something that made it hard. Just this short little downtime you two tried to have.
None of you knew if this had a future or not...but you wouldn't be doing it when you wouldn't love him, right?
~~~~~
When the time went on, L was indeed there. It was nearly a little weird since you always had a ghost around you. Someone talking to you, you grew back to be accustomed to him. You enjoyed the fact he holds you, as much as a ghost could. No matter how cold his dead touch was, you felt an inner warmth that spread through your chest.
You had worked hard, so really hard with Near, and you tried to help Mello, tried to talk.
Of course L helping you, with arguments, even when you didn't tell any of them that L was with you, as a ghost.
Everyone was different with the loss of him.
And when finally the Kira case was closed, and thanks to you Mello stayed alive...
You thought it was time to say goodbye, right after you got the news Light was dead that Mello and Near outsmarted him...
Usually when the thing what kept a soul here was done, they slowly started to fade, but L didn't.
"You said you were stuck because of the Kira case..." you spoke as you stood in front of him now. You didn't want him to go, you really didn't want.
"It was one of those things." he agreed with a nod, of course it was not the last thing.
The reason he was still there was not only the Kira case. It was you...
You, the sweet girl he learned to love, he learned to have. It made his heart feel heavy, could he really stay with you when only never saying it?
He would want to, he enjoyed the fact he could pop up and startle you. One of the positive things of being dead.
But he didn't want that for you.
L was dead, and you were not.
You couldn't throw your life away because of him.
And the painful fact was...he knew you would rather stay alone when he could stay as a ghost here, then to actually live under the living.
"What is the thing now? I mean...we do have time....we-" you meant to him, before he took a deep breath, grabbing your hand.
"There is this one thing I never said...something I regret I never said. I never did. I always told I am clever, guess I wasn't that always." he started, even when he seemed composed and put up a straight face. You weren't dumb, you knew what he would say, because you knew it was the same thing you never said to him.
"Don't." you pleaded, you didn't want to let him go.
"Just a little while, please." you added, and he already could see your lower lip trembling.
"We had a little while, and I do enjoy that. I would love nothing more than to haunt you...but you need to live. You need to live for me." his words hurt you, and he tried not seem too vulnerable, but he was.
He was dead, there was nothing more why he would need to put up a front. Why he wouldn't need to let these weird feelings he didn't understand when he lived, out.
"I missed you, I... I am afraid that I forget how your face looks like or your voice, how it sounds. L...it was not fair, and it is not fair." your voice was cracking now, you were so close to the edge of tears.
"You are perfect, you know that? You are sweet, and caring. Attentive even, I don't know a better person who would build a pillow castle and give me cheesecake. You deserve to live...under the living. You need to, we both know I can't stay here." he whispered leaning down, cupping your cheek, he didn't want to make you cry, himself tried not to do so.
Because he couldn't afford to go weak, not now, not when this was for you.
"I am seeing death every day, but it terrifies me when it is about you. I...don't want to. Because I..." you nearly said it, you nearly said you loved him. And it took him a moment, he just stared at your pretty face. God, it was hurting him. More than any case ever could.
"I love you, I know it wasn't easy with us. That it was unsaid. And I do regret for not making more of it. I just thought we would have more time. I love you...and I keep watching, ok? Just promise me, that you don't waste yourself." he finally said it out loud, he would have loved to have a life with you. Probably it would not be the conventional one, but it would have been worthy.
Before you could say anything else, he kissed you.
His cold lips, you felt them on yours, so tender and full of love. You were so precious. You tried to cling to him, but you couldn't since he was not physical there. He started to fade. The last thing that kept him stuck here, was you. It was the fact he needed to tell you he loved you.
"L, I love you..." you mumbled under tears, your eyes closed when you felt this last farewell kiss.... And when you opened them, L, the love of your life who still helped in the Kira case after his death. Who confessed his love for you, who wanted you to have a life so he finally could go in the afterlife, where he would keep watching his sweet girl....
Death Note Yandere L Lawliet x Wife Reader Smut 🔞🔞🔞🔞🔞
(The picture above was edited by me).
NSFW content // Angst // Click here part 2
⚠️ WARNING ⚠️ Involves kidnapping, stalking, cheating, non-consensual sexual behaviors, breeding, the usage of sex toys and bondage.
L's internal monologue:
Darling, if you measured good and evil deeds by current laws, I would be responsible for many crimes, however, nothing would be more unjust than not rescuing you from your loveless marriage. Yes, your husband is a courageous and hard-working task force member, but he's also a neglectful piece of shit towards you.
He doesn't even know your sleep schedule or how many cups of coffee you've ordered in the past three months, is he even aware that your birthday is in 70 hours, 16 minutes and 43 seconds? My love, you're just like a beautiful puzzle and every day my cameras and private investigators find more precious pieces.
Nothing is of greater importance than you Y/N, I love you so much. I feel like such a creep but I don't care, I have never cared, everything in life is a game including love, and I have never lost, why? Because I am L.
Present Day, (your birthday):
You slowly open your heavy eyelids to find yourself in a well-furnished bedroom decorated with expensive decor and silk curtains and bedding. Your head was pounding and your limbs were weak, were you drunk? Did your friends bring you here to rest after you fainted during your birthday party?
You immediately panicked when you realised you were restrained to the bed across from a crouched, pale man with dark, piercing eyes. It was your husband's supervisor on the Kira investigation, Ryuzaki.
You were merely acquaintances since you only visited the headquarters to drive your husband home or to bring baked goods for your husband and his co-workers. He was odd and reserved however he always praised your cooking and never failed to impress you with his intelligence. You felt sympathy for him since your husband told you he was basically a lonely workaholic. Your husband even joked that maybe he had a crush on you since he gazed upon you like his cake and cases; with desire and fascination, (lolololololol).
You could only think of one logical explanation for why you were here with him.
"Ryuzaki! Do you suspect that I'm Kira!? Is that why I'm here?!" you cried, "No" L responded flatly. "Then what's happening? Where am I?" you whined, "I would rather you not know of your location, but rest assured you are perfectly safe" L replied calmly. "If this is some sort of joke it isn't funny, untie me now!" you snapped, "Yes, I fully suspected that you would be averse to this my darling". "Darling?! Ryuzaki I'm married! You brought me here didn't you!" you exclaimed, "Yes, since I wish to demonstrate why I'm a more suitable romantic partner for you Y/N". Scowling you said, "Well you've already messed up because kidnappers are not my type! My husband is a good man".
"During the past 6 months, your husband has cancelled 130 dates, has only engaged in sexual activity with you on 4 separate occasions and seemingly has not acknowledged your birthday. You deserve someone who is much more attentive and devoted like myself, surely you understand that I rescued you from a loveless marriage".
You were silent. That creep had been fucking stalking you.
He opened the bedside draw, obtaining a large, pink vibrator, "Perhaps this will help, consider it a birthday gift" L chuckled. He lifted your skirt and slid off your underwear, "Don't you dare!" you snarled, "I'm going to demonstrate how satisfying sex can really be" L uttered while ogling in between your legs.
You choked as he began clumsily massaging in-between your thighs with the sex toy, experimenting with various speeds and intensities to discover what your cunt enjoyed the most. You clenched your teeth to contain your moans since you didn't want to give this sick pervert any validation, however being as perceptive as he was, you weren't able to fool him.
"Your pupils are dilated, your face is flushed and your vulva is already producing lubrication, all typical signs of arousal" L remarked bluntly. "W-what?" you stammered, "Trying to remain quiet is useless Y/N since I already know that your body is finding this device pleasurable. So please, let me hear those pretty little moans of yours, you were always so quiet during sex with your husband my love".
You struggled against your rope as L swirled the vibrator on the highest intensity level around your sensitive, swollen clit. But it was hopeless, you couldn't escape the waves of incredible pleasure that vibrated throughout your pussy. You were in an intoxicating daze and your body was hot and trembling; you were so touched starved that your body was already begging to cum. "Ryuzaki!" you screamed while you squirted all over the vibrator; feeling shocks of electrifying pleasure overwhelm your cunt while your legs jolted.
You gasped as you suddenly felt L smoothly slide his aching dick inside your quivering and dripping hole. He began rocking his hips back and forth, his eyes fixating on his cock which was now glistening from your sweet cum. Aha! Hah! Oh...hah..you feel so...so amazing" L whined, "Stop..aha...fucking me...you..hah..bastard!" you panted. "Aha..ugh..I won't be m-much longer, so there's no need to worry Y/N". You were praying that nobody would hear the creaking of the bed, L's whining or the squelching of precum.
You already could feel another orgasm stirring within you since his desperate thrusting never allowed your body to relax. His firm shaft gliding against your aching g-spot felt like shocks of thrilling ecstasy filling your loins, it felt so good and so addicting. "I-I am close t-to" L stuttered as his thrusting became erratic and rapid, "Already?! P-pull out!" you yelped. "Ngh! Aah! Aha!" L grunted as he spurted his thick, creamy cum deep inside your greedy, soaking pussy. "You idiot" you moaned as his lengthy, hard dick continued relentlessly slapping against your womb.
"I want y-you to hah! Climax a-again, now aha" L babbled while rubbing the vibrator against your needy clit. Your eyes locked, those once cold, dead eyes were now filled with passion and vulnerability, his gaze was practically saying, "I need you Y/N, I need your body, please surrender to me, don't hurt me". "I-I going too..ah..aha!" you groaned before another explosion of pleasure shot throughout your body. Your pussy clenched tighter around L's shaft as you cummed, squeezing another load of rich, hot cum from his throbbing erection. L tossed aside the vibrator, tore through your blouse and began sucking your nipples, leaving them slippery and hard. "I love you so much Y/N" L purred, "Kiss me then" you whispered shakily. You were disgusted with yourself but your husband hadn't fucked you with the same amount of lust and love for months.
Your hands broke free and in-tangled with L's dark, fluffy locks while you both sloppily kissed, "I'm s-sorry my love, I-m g-going to...aha again!" L choked. "Use me as your cum slut Ryuzaki" you begged, no longer caring that he wasn't using condoms and that you weren't taking birth control. "Say that again Y/N! And aha! Keep clenching around me like that, ngh!", "Use me Ryuzaki! I'm your cum slut, fill my pussy over and over again, do whatever you want to me". "G-good girl" L hissed while finally draining his balls of milky, sticky semen; fucking his own leaking cum back into your abused cunt to ensure your womb would be filled with every drop.
L slowly slipped out his dick and buttoned his jeans, you slapped his face and hastily untied your ankles. "You know that really hurt" L mumbled while rubbing his cheek. You rushed to the door and shook the locked door knob, "Open this door! Right now or I'll kill you!" you shrieked. "You found just as much pleasure as I did in that experience so why be so averse towards me? I love you so much Y/N, you look so beautiful" L praised. "Of course, you'd think that you pervert! I'm half naked and filled with you fucking cum" you snarled, "I'm a pervert?".
"Yes! And a monster! My husband is a great detective so he will find you and throw you in prison forever!" you snapped, "Only a monster can catch another monster, it's why I'm a far greater detective and why you'll be residing with me for a very long time" L replied monotonously while kissing your forehead. Whining you said, "I hate you", "I love you too" he whispered.
contains: angst, failed relationship, cheating, manipulation, light is a warning in himself tbh
word count: 587
inspired by i bet on losing dogs by mitski !
You knew from the second you saw him.
You knew you’d yearn for a soul that never could be yours.
It wasn’t your fault you reasoned. It wasn’t your fault you saw him and he just captivated you. It wasn’t your fault his eyes were as sweet as caramel and as inviting as the sun’s warm rays. It wasn’t your fault he caught your gaze too and curled his lips into a smile that could make millions fall.
It was your fault for ignoring the girl that walked his way with two coffees in hand. A pretty blonde girl — befitting of being by his side. It was your fault for continuing to look at the stranger despite the girl clinging to his arm.
But then again, it wasn’t your fault the stranger walked by you and handed you his number on a note.
You shouldn’t have texted the number, expecting a response from someone leagues ahead of you and with a partner, yet you still did. It was wrong, oh so wrong, but you didn’t care. All you cared about was having the brown haired boy lay in your arms so lovingly.
Light was his name. It fit him and how easily he seemed to shine once entering a room.
His carefully crafted words only made you slip into a spiral around him. His attention, his care towards you — how he caressed your face with his hands before immediately retreating. His touch, his lips — the lips that wrapped around yours in the dead of night while his girlfriend slept. Light seemed to be, ironically, the light you needed in your once dull world.
He made you forget about the blonde girl that stood proudly next to him. The girl that was always holding his arm, pressed against him as a display of dominance. A dominance showing he’d always be hers. She haunted your dreams, always wishing you were her, even when you knew you’d never be.
You wished Light would have ignored you that day. Maybe then, you wouldn’t feel the soul crushing misery impending on you. Maybe you wouldn’t have to stand next to him and Misa, wishing you were the one in his clinging onto his neck as he spoke to your brother about Kira. You wish, instead of telling L a masterplan about how to catch the murderer running around in Japan, he’d tell Misa you were his baby.
‘Tell your baby that I’m your baby’ was a constant phrase that lingered on your lips around them. If only to stop the torture, the storm brewing inside you, and to have a moment of sick pleasure at Misa’s downcast face.
Was it your fault for falling for a taken man? Yes, yes it was.
Was it your fault that the man just so happened to be the same man involved in the case your brother was solving?
It was your fault. It was your fault for betting on losing dogs. For betting on a man you knew would never be on your side, for losing by his side.
It was your fault for being so easily manipulated — craving the love you’d never be given. You alone were to blame for the heartache caused by Light, but you didn’t care.
You’d bet on losing dogs again and again, even if it meant paying for your place.
OH YES I LOVE YOU WHAT A GOOD IDEA
Very sorry it took so long, I had family over.
SPOILERS AHEAD
3rd person Misa POV
Trigger Warning: Mentions of Su!c!de
Word count: 1200
Codependency
Misa Amane was always everyones dream girl. Blonde, cute, young, clingy. And loyal, certainly. Loyal to her boyfriend, Light Yagami. Oh dear gosh, she is just infatuated with him. Her supposed Knight in Shining Armour. But it's been difficult lately, well, it's been difficult from the start. No, she shouldn't have that attitude, she should be grateful she has such a great boyfriend! Really, he's so um.. Handsome, and ambitious and smart! Really, just perfect.
But she can't ignore the deep, sinking feeling in her chest. The anxiety. The horrendous thoughts. No matter how hard she tries, she just can't seem to block out. They all tell her the same thing, they remind her that every advance she's made has been rejected. Every time she even tries to show her affection, she's pushed away. It's always the same response!
"Misa, just shut up and do as I told you!"
"Misa, what do you mean, soulmate?"
"Misa, you have to go home now."
After all the attention and help she's given him, it's almost as if he doesn't care about her at all! Even after all she's done. And what she will continue to do, she will always work for his attention. But he's joined the Kira taskforce, and now there's even less and less of his attention, the only time he ever does want to talk to her is for her help as the second Kira.
But thats alright, its understandable that he's busy! He has to keep up appearances, he's fixing the world, after all. She could be a perfect girlfriend. Give him the time and space. He so obviously wants it, after all.
But Misa had recently brought a beautiful new dress, and she needed to show it to him. It would have to catch his attention. A cute little red thing. Strapless and cut low enough to show some cleavage and a skirt lands just above her knee, with the nicest lace trim. It's alluring. She brought a pair of delicate stockings to match. Some cute, thick mary-janes? Or maybe some some knee high, gothic boots? She chooses the mary-janes. Add some bold, red lipstick and eyeliner. Gosh, it's all so pretty. She poses and twirls in front of the mirror, giggling like a little girl. "Surely Light will like this!"
She makes her way down to where Light and the rest of the task force is working. Every head turns to stare at her in her dress. Every head except Light's. Hmph. She walks up behind him and wraps her arms around his shoulder. "Liiiight." She says. "Do you like my dress?"
"Misa, I'm busy, go away." He pushes her off sharply, not even bothering to look at her. She sits at one of the chairs with a pout, and she's really, really, trying to ignore the tears stinging her eyes, and the way her throat seems to be caught on a breath. Why can't he just love her? All these other men looked at her, why won't he?
Most of them have turned away now, probably trying to be respectful. But one of them is still looking at her. Ryuzaki. His eyes have been latched on hers since she entered, and only when he realizes she's staring back does he turn away. But not before she notices the blush forcing it's way onto his face. It makes her blush in return.
Misa sits there for a long time, maybe she's waiting for Light to finish working and pay some attention to her, her expectations aren't high though. They weren't met either when the amount of people in the room trickle away. Light too leaves, without saying good night. Just leaving her and Ryuzaki. The feeling in her eyes and throat has subsided by now, and she makes her way to sit on the chair next to him, in hopes of some conversation.
"Aren't you going to bed?" She says.
"I will later." He replies. "I'm going back over the previous murders commited by Kira. They're seeming to increase in tactic, rather than just killing because the victims just because they're bad people. He's seeming to plan more and more." Ryuzaki points at some analytics on the screen, none of which Misa understands. But it is nice to talk to someone.
"Is your main suspect still Light?" She asks, because she still needs to help her boyfriend.
"Yes." He replies.
Misa begins to ramble, because surely Light would want her to defend him, right? "But Light would never do something like that! And he's such a great person and-"
"Misa." He interrupts.
"Yes?"
"Why would you dedicate yourself to Light? Has he not shown he has no care for you?"
"What!? How dare you, of course Light cares for me!! I'm the love of his life!"
Ryuzaki pauses, thinking. "I didn't intend to offend you. What I'm saying is.." He hesitates. "You can find yourself someone a lot better. Someone who genuinly appreciates you, I'm not sure if you realize, but Light has been using you. From the start."
Of course Misa had known. But hearing it said so bluntly was a slap in the face. Especially from Ryuzaki.
"Ryuzaki.. When you said you could fall for me.. Was that really true?" Her voice has dropped to a near whisper.
Ryuzaki takes a long while to reply, but he hasn't broken eye contact the entire time. "It's becoming increasingly likely, yes."
These few words are the final trigger, they just push the tears out of her eyes uncontrollably. A sob breaks out of her body. Her hands cover her face, but Ryuzaki grabs her wrists and pulls them away. She can't deny that she has feelings for him too, but she's never felt that someone could love her back.
But that's not the reason she's crying. No, not at all. She awkwardly falls against him on the chair, and his arms move to hold her shoulders tightly, stabilizing her against him. He stares at her in such a wrecked state. Nobody speaks for such a long time, the sobs echoing through the room.
Ryuzaki is the first to speak. "Misa.. Why are you crying like this?"
"I shouldn't tell you." She chokes out. His hand rubs soothing circles into her back. Light has never done anything like this, never done anything to make her feel happy, to never even make her feel like a real person! She shouldn't protect him anymore. "Light's Kira!" She finally yells, and her sobbing increases. When Ryuzaki doesn't say anything, she continues. "And.. I've been helping him this entire time. I'm the second Kira. I'm so, so sorry Ryuzaki, I never should've done it! I just thought Light would love me more and now everything's ruined!" Ryuzaki's hands stop it's movement, and his change in energy is so starkingly harsh.
"I'm afraid I can't just let that go." His voice is still. Achingly so. Oh, Misa, why would you go and say that? Just because someone finally showed you the slightest bit of affection, you go ahead and let the guilt take control of you, just because you can't stand to be independent! What is wrong with you? "I'm very sorry. But I have a duty to keep." He pulls her in for a final, bone-crushing hug.
A year from then. She's in a maximum security prison, for life. Every day seems to past by the same. She heard that Light had commited suicide, and she's had thoughts of copying him. Theres not much here for her. She's not angry at Ryuzaki. He had a job to do, she should've known that. At least she does know that someone loved her.
i need a fanfic inspired by 'back to friends' by sombr but it's lawlight after the yotsuba arc when light regains his kira memories.
specifically the lyrics: "how can we go back to being friends when we just shared a bed?"
good light was genuinely in love with L because of his detective abilities and justice motives, so he pursued something and L agreed, but when Kira comes back into the picture, Light starts to act differently towards their relationship and L notices. He knows Kira came back.
