#death wish

[movietitlescollection]

[going-through-all-my-dvds]

Death Wish II

[delicatefalice]

SO HOW WILL IT END? HOW LONG WILL YOU GIVE ME? TIL YOU TWIST THE KNIFE WITH A SMILE WHILE YOU KILL ME THEN YOU ASK ME TO DANCE IF THERES SOMEONE AROUND YOU DONT LOOK THE SAME WHEN I LOOK AT YOU NOW AND I USED TO PRETEND THAT IT DIDNT FEEL EVIL YOUR LIGHT OF A MILLION SUNS BURN THROUGHOUT PEOPE AND BRIDGES AND CITIES YOU TILL ASH COVERS GROUND A BREATH OF YOUR AIR IS A DEATH WISH AND YOURE FORCING MY HAND BUT IM A DROP IN YOUR OCEAN I RUINED YOUR PLANS OF SOME SELF GRAND PROMOTION THE SECOND YOU FIGURED THAT I FIGURED YOU OUT NOW YOU LOOK AWAY WHEN I LOOK AT YOU NOW

[natttpack]

And you’re forcing my hand, but I’m a drop in your ocean

I ruined your plans of some grand self-promotion

The second you figured that I figured you out

Now you look away when I look at you now

[londonplanetrees]

gracie please just beat me to death next time

[dnihallofshame]

Submission to the DNI Hall of Shame:

what is it with these dnis being so hard to read

[delicacyies]

I wrote this because I am overwhelmed with emotions and pretty sure I can’t sleep very well. I need to deal with my own feeling of guilt surrounding my chest tightly now because I think I just gave closure to someone I once cared for.

I feel bad because I am the one who keeps life going on into different phases, dealing with life and surviving days and nights while the other side— he is not.

Long short story— he reached out after more than one year of separation. Whatever motives he is about and I’m curious about, but I assure my mind like— alright, just give him some time to blabber about himself and give closure, the proper one.

But I’m not prepared to feel guilty of the ‘I’m already moving on but you didn't’.

I met him probably two summers ago on the unstable stake of my life surviving and dealing with a job. During that time, he urged me to be with him even though I don’t like the rush of quick settle committed relationships. I want an all natural blended feeling of getting over the heel of someone I crush about. Months by months passed by, I don’t find myself naturally towards the relationship yet my mood-swing-emotional-outcome made me feel like a scumbag who needs my punch bag which is him. I mean— I can’t control my mood and emotions and yet he can easily be pissed off. Tolerate and compromise are the two words that he always mentions about us to deal with, but I can’t.

Because in the first place, I don’t find myself compatible with him. While I’m not sure about my own guts, being led to the commitment phase is not the one I’m ready about. I feel bad for being the one who did not show so much love-dovey emotions, and I want to figure out by myself what I am looking for. So I ended it all before I felt overwhelmed by being complicated.

Looking back all the things we ever had, and the current relationship I have now is totally the different shade I never had before. Sometimes the breeze of guilt comes onto myself— not because I want to compare but it's like the feeling like ‘ah, I think I never had this one before’. It’s not about feeling thankful enough to be loved by someone.

And now he came out of nowhere and sought closure. I know he blames himself, I know he is still in the same place, but I don’t know what else I need to do more to him. Because I feel guilty towards him, I've already moved on but he still didn't. I already realized my faults, reflecting, reassuring my inner self, and now I’m trying to treat the one I love more better than I had before. Because I know years before I was worse than now, I feel bad to know he saw me in the worst shape of myself but I’m already grown up trying to be a better and mature version of myself. I grew up reflecting my gestures towards him to be a better person and love someone dearly thanks to him— but he is still in the same state.

I feel bad, god, I feel bad to ever put all the flames towards him and leave him behind. It’s like the emotion I had now is like splintering eggshells on the floors— I am figuring out how to walk onto these all, he gave his hands but I forced him to drop it, look at him and pretend it didn't feel evil. And I look away when once— he was the one who looked at me a long time ago. Now, the air I breathe feels like a death wish— it's so suffocating.

06082026, 23.58.

[threestagesofgrounding]

I realized that it is better to save people from myself than to escape from people. if I can't fit into the framework, then I just won't enter into a relationship until I find someone who accepts it (I think I've already found it)