#deathscatalyst

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@deathscatalyst

      She approaches the courtyard table with trepidation. The girl seated looks approachable enough -- but she seems to be lost deep in though, scribbling away on the pages of the notebook placed in front of her. “ --- mind if I join you ?? Every other table is packed.”                ------ & this is what it’s come to -- the former queen of Tree Hill High relying on the kindness ( or maybe just pity ) of strangers. 

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deathscatalyst replied to your post:givenpurpose replied to your post:…i decided to...

keith scott

...keith scott. 

[howlstinct-blog]

@deathscatalyst,

                   something of a  HUFF  will slip past chapped lips,  eyes rolling heavenwards ...  patience is a virtue cora hale does NOT possess.   ❝   ────   we need to do this now, gilbert.   as in  ‘ THIS LIFETIME ‘  now.      ❞ 

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positivity for your tumblr crushes !!

POSITIVITY MEME !!

ok – so two of my tumblr crushes aren’t rp blogs && then one i’ve already done the positivity meme for, but here are the rest of them !! ( @ofkindnesss ): riley matthews is a literal ray of sunshine that this planet needs – yet there’s a whole lot more to her than just that – && this mun gets that. i’ve been blown away by their portrayal of her since i first followed all those months back && they only get better && better with time. ( @huntality ): ok but one of the sweetest, most kind, incredible people i’ve followed in the history of ever. i’m pretty sure whenever she makes a new blog i follow bc i just lOVE THEM SO MUCH ?? last christmas i was assigned to be their secret santa which was so exciting bc if anyone in this world deserved a little holiday cheer in their inbox every day, it was them !! such a talented writer, such a wonderful person. ( @ofsentencefragments ): i know nothing about arrow. i don’t watch the show, yet so much that i’ve learned about the fabulous lady that is felicity smoak is through this blog. i love the character they portray && everything about her idek ok. just all around fabulous. ( @deathscatalyst ): ok but i don’t think i even know what to say about al bc he’s literally my best friend in the entire world ?? like ?? i think that sums it up pretty nicely. we’ve known each other for a century now && he’s been there through my entire rp journey ( like even in the darkest days ) && we’ve stuck by each other through the good && the bad and i just love him so much honestly i could not ask for a better, more talented, more funny, more kind, more incredible best friend.( @fiveyearsalone ): l i z has ruined my life. i just love all her muses so much. no matter who she’s writing i know if it’s one of her blogs, it’s bound to be a++ top notch quality like idek that’s it. i’m so lucky to be able to write with someone so talented && be trash w/ someone so talented && share a name with someone so talented !!( @killedbyvoldemort ): ok but cat is actually my other half && i’m so glad i found her !! her dorcas is the only portrayal for me – honestly. if you’re not following her already you’re missing out on such a beautifully developed muse && one of the best muns around. do yourself a favor && talk headcanons with her bc she’s got incredible ones. one of my very favorite people that i follow && a must have on every single dash i’ve got. 

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@deathscatalyst

   “Please tell me you were planning on changing BEFORE we head out.” 

[fatedtoendure-archive-blog]

In your opinion what was Elena's most defining moment as a human in regard to her agency and what was the most defining moment as a vampire?

send me questions about elena( always accepting !! )

           ❛but he did this to me, stefan, which means he doesn’t really know what love is. and to be honest, i’m not sure if i do. i’m seventeen years old. how am i supposed to know about any of this yet? i know that i love you, stefan. i know that. but my future? our lives together? those were things i was supposed to deal with as they came along. i was supposed to grow up, decide if i want to have kids, start a family. i was supposed to have a lifetime of those choices, and now? that’s all gone. ❜

                   ❛ i don’t want to be a vampire, stefan.                               i never wanted to be one.❜

imo, elena’s most defining moment as a human in regard to her agency is probably when it becomes startlingly clear to her that she’s lost it. what’s so heartbreaking about this speech is that elena isn’t asking for much. she knows better than that. most people want fame, or riches, a life filled with success, the love of a century — and all elena wants is a choice. 

she wants to be able to choose to be a vampire, to choose if she wants to have kids, to start a family. she’s supposed to have a lifetime of those choices. and she’s faced with the possibility of losing that. and when you think about it? the words that she’s saying? those words are brave. she’s looking at her boyfriend, who she loves, so much, and telling him that she doesn’t know if she knows what love is, that as much as she loves him, she can’t say it back when he tells her that if it was his choice, he’d be with her forever. 

elena values herself and her agency. she values her personhood, and she won’t sacrifice it, even for the boy she loves. that’s a lot of honesty for one conversation, and she’s saying it and feeling it and it matters. 

she’s here in the moment and she’s telling him these things knowing she’s got forever to be held accountable for them and she knows that love takes any number of forms ( it’s not an either or. just because she does not want to be a vampire and will not sacrifice everything she wants because she loves him doesn’t mean she doesn’t love him. )

 she does not want to be with him forever and she does not want to live forever and the beauty of this moment is that that’s okay. this girl is allowed to say that she loves her boyfriend and that it is not meant to be forever. it’s okay.

it’s in this moment that elena completely eradicates the stereotypical role of a human girl in a vampire romance ; she C R U S H E S  every single stereotype repeated over and over in vampire fiction because she’s a person and she matters. she’s not the girl the boy ends up happily ever after with, or the girl that changes the boy and gives him peace in violence. 

she’s the girl the story is written about. elena is not a prop. she’s not here for your fave to love or to love your fave. she’s a girl who says, i don’t want to be frozen in time and no doesn’t mean never and i will love myself as best i can before i love you.

 in a show that strips agency from women left and right, specifically in its later seasons, it’s so rare to see a woman allowed the space and time she needs, and have the narrative recognize that women are not frozen in time, and should not be limited to a certain stereotype or idea or concept. 

                     ❛ the first rule to being a vampire is                         realizing how awesome you are. ❜

fandom jumped all over this line like a dog with a bone, talking about how elena was ooc because three seasons ago she said she never wanted to be a vampire yadayadayada or how she talked about how miserable she was after her agency was stripped from her and she was forced into a life she didn’t want ( and subsequently alienated from her friends ) etc etc and the truth is for me, i couldn’t help but fall in love with this line, and more importantly, what it means.

it doesn’t negate what’s proven to be true: elena never wanted to be a vampire. it’s true. this is not the life she wanted, or the life she envisioned for herself. she didn’t want to have her agency robbed from her, she didn’t want to live for forever, she didn’t want to be frozen in time, she didn’t want to be turned into the creature that her parents hunted. elena didn’t want to be a vampire for a million different reasons. but here’s the kicker: ELENA IS A VAMPIRE NOW. and she’s been through absolute hell. she’s killed and dealt with the guilt and the ramifications of that, she’s grieved the death of her little brother, she’s flipped her switch and learned from it, she’s been vamp-shamed left and right. she’s come face to face with the knowledge that the people who love her, more often than not, love her for who they perceive her to be rather than who she actually is. yes, she’s been through absolute hell. AND SHE’S SURVIVED. and she’s learned so much about herself, and about vampirism, about what it means. most importantly, she learned that she still has choices. and for me, i think so much of what elena grieved coming into vampirism is the idea that she would be deprived of the choices she planned to be making her entire life, the idea that she would now be frozen in time, never changing, never growing, always staying still.elena knows now that she has plenty of choices to make. she’s not frozen. she’s not unmoving. she’s living and breathing and she feels alive, more than she has since her parents died. she’s finally in a place where she genuinely wants to live, where getting out of bed isn’t as hard anymore --- and she’s still growing and changing and evolving and will be for the rest of eternity, however long that lasts. this is such an important moment for her because she’s looking at this newly turned vampire who’s looking back up at her scared and sad and SHE HAS THE POWER TO MAKE THIS BETTER FOR HIM. she can help him. she can help him get through this and remind him that he still can grow and change and that it could be everything for him like it was everything for her. elena’s been abused and silenced and pulled apart at the seams and in this moment she feels so HOPEFUL because everything she previously thought about vampirism has been turned on its head. yes, she still has growing pains, and grievances that she may never get over, and yes, this is not the life that she’d planned for herself, but she can still move forward, and she still gets to choose, and that means the world to her. she’s seeing both sides of this: vampires can hurt, but they can also heal. vampires can kill, but they can also protect. and she can do and be anything that she fucking wants. 

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deathscatalyst replied to your post

both of u disgust me

i’m sorry do i know you? 

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[8/26/15, 9:51:31 PM] liz.: and yeah basically i just appreciate you [8/26/15, 9:51:45 PM] A.: i think you're okay [8/26/15, 9:51:45 PM] A.:  think you're okay [8/26/15, 9:51:48 PM] liz.: thanx [8/26/15, 9:51:51 PM] liz.: me 2 [8/26/15, 9:51:51 PM] liz.: about me [8/26/15, 9:51:54 PM] liz.: liz -- she's ok [8/26/15, 9:51:59 PM] liz.: it's my slogan [8/26/15, 9:52:12 PM] A.: tru [8/26/15, 9:52:42 PM] A.: Here lies elizabeth dreidl she was okay.. They guessed.