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Me and my aroace friend who only reads gen fic leaving the theatre both fully shipping Miles with an evil version of himself from a parallel universe.

#milescest #421610 #I hate those ship names so much #but I could find any other ones #maybe something like #flowerprowler #maybe?#when we were discussing the movie I was like #‘you saw that right?’#and she was like ‘yeah I really did’#rosie rambles #miles molares #earth 42 miles #atsv #debating posting this

i want to like myself for once in my life holy fucking shit what is wrong with me

#HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH #anyways #don’t reply i’m unhappy with life #i’m bored #debating posting this #ok whatever #fuck it we ball #silly

I'd like to preface this with this announcement. If you are a close friend of mine, please don't worry. It's just been a bad weekend. I'm fine. If you're the type to worry, please stop reading now.

_________________

Within the last 1 and a half to 2 years this sequence of events has happened at least 3 times already.

1. Feel awful emotionally for an extended period of time

2. Start searching symptoms of depression

3. Take an online quiz that says something along the lines of "Mild Depression, consider talking to a trusted friend or loved one."

4. Blow it off thinking "Ha, what trusted friend or loved one? I don't trust anyone like that, I don't wanna bother anyone. It's just an online quiz, who really trusts those anyway? Not me."

5. Continue feeling awful until there's a peak in happiness and proceed to say "Ha, see? I'm happy, no depression here!"

Is it a sign just that I even took the tests that many times? It's only ever said mild. I haven't been affected in any way besides a drop in school grades during the tough patches. It's nothing, right? I'm just looking for attention or something, right? It's not even like all the symptoms match up, it's only about 60% of the symptoms.

It's just the regular ups and downs of life, right?

I also searched for therapists in my area. Most are too expensive. Barely any have Christian or LGBTQ+ backgrounds, let alone both. Not to mention you need parental consent and I'm not telling them jack shit. I'll be 18 in 2 months so then I won't need their consent but I still won't have the money. Even if I do have the money, I still don't think I should be wasting a therapist's time like that when they could be helping patients who actually need it.

I'm probably blowing it out of proportion but part of me is worrying that I'm doing the opposite. I've been relatively happy for awhile. So what if there's a miniscule amount of dread in my heart constantly, every day, for months? It's usually not very big. It only gets suffocating every once in awhile, typically when something bad happens. It's fine. I'm okay.

#Don't mind me #Just rambling #Please don't worry #Debating posting this #I'll probably regret it #Depression?#self diagnosis

Feeling like a package deal.

#no local friends because I come with hubby #he's part of the deal and I lost my best grieve cause they couldn't understand or accept him #seeing all the people I called friends out celebrating or at dragon con is so hard #it's a long story but in the end I feel so alone #debating posting this #so if you see it #idk I'm just feeling isolated and alone #it's not Tumblr it's just real life #at least the crickets and tree frogs sound lovely #friend not grieve I'm not retyping all that after autocorrect