Imho, people in the Mass Effect universe learn to deal with grief and pain by caring about something or someone else.
Sometimes, it's nature, plants more specifically.
The Moshae knew that the only way Vehn Terev could ever find himself again is by making him tend Aya's gardens. And her reasoning: He spent too long surrounded by death. He needs to reconnect with life.
Meanwhile, Cora and Sam are learning about botany together. Cora tells Ryder this after talking about grief.
She quotes Sarissa: 'Grief and fear cannot rule you.'
And there is Drack, which to me is probably the most devastating, because Drack talks about being in pain all the time:
There's something so truthful about what he is saying here, so linked to chronic pain and disability, that the scene just really moved me. Because he's right, surviving is not the same thing as living. Being in pain all the time is NOT a good way to live.
So Drack talked about falling into a pit until a shaman dropped 'the tiniest little baby girl' in his lap.
The shaman told him Kesh was dying, that she was not "worth the trouble". Useless. And we know this is how Drack feels, that it's like an echo of what he believes about himself. But suddenly it was not just about Drack anymore:
And the trilogy did this with Jack as well: she learned to take care of herself mostly by taking care of her students. One could argue Miranda broke free of her father because she was not the only one, she had to take care of Oriana. It goes on and on.
And in a way, I do think this makes for a good story. Tending a garden or taking care of someone, learning to let go of the anger, the pain, that's good. And clearly, people need people.
And humans do this all the time. A lot of people end up surviving and eventually living because one day the cat distribution system did a thing and there was a small creature to take care of. And because they needed the creature to live in a good place, they needed to make some changes for the better.
And as Drack says, it's not a one-sided thing: if you take care of something or someone, even without expecting a reward, you can get something in return. Something beautiful and precious.
But still, sometimes I wish the story was not about giving a thing or a someone to make things better. Because if Kesh hadn't been given to Drack, what would have happened? Would he have found a way to take care of himself? Are we to conclude he would still be in a pit?
I mean, I think the hardest thing and most important thing we can do in this universe is love ourselves, and take care of ourselves. By ourselves for ourselves. The circumstances we found ourselves in might mean we feel it's impossible to do it but we have to believe we are worthy of care, even if we are in pain, disabled, in a pit. You know? But obviously, it's not simple. It can be the struggle of a lifetime. So mixed feelings really.
