#debtdiet.

[aantonino-blog]

where we stand.

i have no idea why this won't format correctly. i apologize in advance, i've tried to HTML it, i've tried to delete and repost, but the bad boy just does not want to be in paragraph format apparently.

-----

i'm doing something fairly predictable for january's happiness goal. but before i get into all that, let's see where we stand with the past couple of months. keeping in mind, these goals are designed to be apart of me as a whole upon the month's completion. i'm giving myself a bit of a pulse check. you're more than welcome to read on, but truthfully this is kinda my version of a progress report. and here we go...

decembenergize. remember my quote about synchronicity? well, this month was the perfect example. sometimes when you send something out into the universe, the universe throws shit at you. it becomes a very intense game of dodgeball. fortunately, that was my favorite childhood game. so in a month dedicated to energy and vitality and all things good for the soul (chicken soup and such), i also received news of my grandfather's health deteriorating quickly, i was sick with the world's longest cold, and i pulled insanely long overtime hours before leaving town for snowy utahhhh. amazingly, i am leaving the month with the most energy i've had in months. and i didn't even get to follow most of the mini goals. i slept inconsistently. i exercised maybe twice, one of those being on the last day of the month. my place is tidy, sure, but i should probably break out the feather duster as it looks like no one has lived in that dust trap in months. the only nagging task i tackled was an obnoxious cough. and as far as acting the part, let's just say my emotional exhaustion wore alllll up on my face. yet, here i am feeling incredibly rested and healthy as we start this new month and year! it's a christmas miracle!!!

okay okay, but what about dolla dolla made november holla? funny you should ask, alex. (coincidentally, you should probably stop talking to yourself on a public forum, girlfriend.) but the good news is, i'm right on track. a budgeting wiz over here. no impulse shopping, adding bits and coins to my piggy bank, eating in (and healthily for the most part), weekly evaluations and planning, and even getting an opportunity to splurge. i mentioned i paid off a debt and have a couple more in the works for this month! funny how much stress lifts when you see results. encouraging in all ways. 

overall, i'm feeling hopeful and motivated. things have a way of working out guys. no, pay attention guys, now i'm talking to you, not my various split personalities. promise.

[aantonino-blog]

imagine no possessions. i wonder if you can. no need for greed or hunger. a brotherhood of man.

after my weekend, i've made the decision to close out this month of financial goals with a couple of quotes i'm borrowing from my dear friend, maria. 

"you can't serve two masters."

and

"just let your faith be bigger than your fear."

maria is very spiritually inclined. she's loves her god. it's a beautiful relationship built on lots of adoration, respect, and trust. while i may still be questioning some of my own faith, i think these quotes can still be applied to my situation. the fact of the matter is, i can't let money control.

i sat down the other night and wrote down every little or big thing i could think of that makes me happy. and to be honest, absolutely nothing on that page was determined by money. sure, getting my nails done, or going to a movie, two small things, cost money, but the feeling of simplistic pleasure that i get from these things is not from that cost. i know money is a reality of life, i've said it and written it many times before, but the more i stress or worry about it, the more depressed i become. because like maria warned, it can become a master. something that far too much focus and attention is placed on. 

no more. because i'd rather put that energy toward something more fulfilling. my family. my friends. my relationships. my laughter. my goofy moments. my writing. my faith. my goals. my movie watching. my walks. my dog petting. shoot, you know something isn't worthy of your time if you'd rather pet a dog than think about it. 

secondly, i've got to just have faith. in all things. but particularly in the old rule, that everything will be okay. 

because it will.

so i guess there it is, i gave this month everything i had. i gave it many tears. many arguments. many words. and in the end, what it gave me was the realization that as much as it wants to control my every move, it won't. 

that doesn't mean i'm gonna go on a spending splurge, it just means that i gladly invite you to come over for a cup of tea and splendid conversation to truly ball on a budget. the ball being a stronger relationship built. 

[aantonino-blog]

a few rules this time.

1. be kind, be good. particularly to yourself. be patient and understanding. trust your feelings. will them to come out even. be true. let yourself be whoever and feel whatever you need right now, but be kind to yourself always. and be good to all others. be good to family. friends. be kind to strangers. and be kind to him.

2. write about you. pages filled with questions, thoughts, and concerns about another. dedicate this book and any future book to learning who you are. spend time exploring yourself, your thoughts, your love, your personality. find you.

3. be a better friend. to the wonderful people in your life who support you. to yourself. and continue to be a positive light and a great comfort.

4. learn to cook. treat your body like a temple, yes. but also, giving yourself a basic tool of survival and pleasure.

5. Buy your own things. it hurts to depend on a man to feast but famine when left to your own accounts. 

6. Practice communication. to not articulate your feelings well when you are upset or angry is limiting. Think before you react.

7. Read anything and everything. we were driving down the road the other day and he was describing what to do with his life. and i told him to go to the book store or library and grab anything that sounds interesting. anything he ever thought he might like to do in another life. like in friends, when monica makes chandler an organizational system to finding a job. a place he could go to explore the possibilities of starting over or starting fresh. i went home that night and opened up a book. it occurred to me that this is advice i could use for myself. because the point isn't to ditch your old life. it's to regain interest in a world outside of your life. outside of a man. outside of a career. it's to better your brain. and your soul. explore. learn. grow. 

plus, it helps me discover words i never knew existed. 

[aantonino-blog]

date night with alex

so last night, my reading suggested taking yourself out on a date. tonight, i made myself a nice meal, made of all organic, grass fed, all natural ingredients. just as expensive as going out, but filling enough to last for three meals. it felt amazing. and afterward, for dessert, i paid bills. ;o)

[aantonino-blog]

a very young beyonce singing bout bills.

i just paid a whole bunch of mine. makes me feel sooooo good. and threw some in savings. amazing what it feels like to be on track. 

[aantonino-blog]

buy some happiness | money

lil wayne, a rapper, half sings it in every track. mullah baybee. 

for as long as i can remember, it has ruled my tracks too. i don't remember much about money from my childhood. except for being excited for the tooth fairy. doing chores with the hope of an allowance. but as i grew it's importance did too. and now here i am, an adult with adult responsibilities. and bills.

money overwhelms me. when i have it. when i haven't had it. literally the biggest source of anxiety. my guy says money ruins lives. and while i think this can be a bit dramatic, at times i've felt the drama control my life.

this chapter of my happiness project is simply to take the control back. no more, will it overwhelm me. at the end of the day. or the end of this life. no one will remember me for my financial situation. nor will it be my first or last thought. it's a luxury. a necessity. but having known what it feels like to have gone without much of it, my idea of content doesn't really have much to do with it.

mini pieces of coin:

think before swipe. (#impulsestop.) 

this little piggy, bank it. (#piggybank.)

grocery shop. (#sackedlunch.)

indulge in a modest splurge. (#splurge.)

trim the fat. (#debtdiet.)

i still have expensive taste. but that doesn't mean i can't get acclimated to reasonable taste. with a side of splurge. i've trained myself to eat worse. that's right spinach, i'm talking to you.