PART-1: A guide to Decentre the men in our lives
Before I dive into the list of do's and don'ts, let's start with having a conversation as to why decentring men in our lives is important in the first place:
The conditioning
As desi girlies, since birth we are subtly trained to revolve our lives around men. We are told our whole life boils down to marrying a guy, something which is heavily romanticized in the media we consume too. Romance becomes the focal point of our existence.
Household Dynamics
Forget romantic aspect, in our households also, if our mothers are homemakers, we learn to equate our fathers as gods. The moment they step through the door after long, hardworking day, we're expected to drop everything and cater to them. Bring them water, ask them if they want tea or not. Switch on the AC. Serve them food when asked.
We’re conditioned to be overcompensating, pleasing, and to shrink ourselves for men. This mindset is hardwired in us, subtly woven into our lives that we barely notice its impact.
After marriage, a woman becomes “Mrs.” followed by her husband’s name and surname. A daughter’s important government identities often require her father’s details, reinforcing the notion that our identities are tied to the men in our lives.
The Real Issue
I am not saying that bringing water to your father after he comes from work is wrong. the action of dropping everything when he enters the house is. The problem lies here. This mentaility is what we need to shed.
It’s time to stop associating our worth with men and to start building our own identities. Who are we, beyond being someone’s daughter, sister, girlfriend, wife, or mother?
Who are we?
Who are YOU?
Stop looking at yourselves through other's lenses.
Connect with yourself. What YOU like? What do YOU dislike? What do you want your life to be? What do you see yourself doing?
