❛ Are you okay ? ❜ / concerned papa . (‘:
[ 𝙲𝙾𝙽𝙲𝙴𝚁𝙽𝙴𝙳 𝙼𝙴𝙼𝙴 ]: @decernimus.
𝚂𝙷𝙴 𝙳𝚁𝙴𝙰𝙼𝚂 𝙾𝙵 𝙳𝙴𝙰𝚃𝙷 . or, she dreams of the deaths she could only assume, dreams of what she knows. & it’s not hard to envision this, to see what her mind’s already graphed out in clear view. EVEN WHEN SHE IS SAFE, she is wrapped in the pin - prickling fear that’s accompanied her sadness, a sadness that she’s inherited from her father’s quieted breath. the moon’s baited breath wrapped her neck with her own hands, the whistling wind in her chest believes in an unraveling that won’t become her — she’s already began a transition between childhood & adulthood the moment she became her brother’s light ( she was a light, she could still be. ). her breath is a thick inhalation, a deeper exhalation that weeps life in the making death. the world has died once : to live in a dead world is to have the desire to protect what is not ruined. & she doesn’t know if any sounds had ached the halls, made a distinct bleeding the way she sleeps without peace — sleep like this hasn’t been optional in ways that saturated her own living before, she’s never found sleep in this opportunity. / she’s always been sleepless & hungry, always found herself between a rock & a hard place.
𝙷𝙴𝚁 𝙷𝙰𝙽𝙳𝚂 𝚆𝙸𝙿𝙴 𝙰𝚃 𝙷𝙴𝚁 𝙲𝙷𝙴𝙴𝙺𝚂 . they come back wet, [ 𝖶𝖤𝖳 𝖳𝖧𝖨𝖭𝖦𝖲 𝖳𝖧𝖠𝖳 𝖲𝖬𝖤𝖫𝖫 𝖫𝖨𝖪𝖤 𝖳𝖤𝖠𝖱𝖲 ] & she feels the hunger stitch at her stomach, suddenly, viciously, but she’s a simple guest — her hands retract to her stomach, & the strength she wants returns to her throat as sorrow. / SHE WANTS TO CRY. between sectioned blessings, dreaming still aches, living begins as a wound that’ll never heal over. 𝙸𝚃 𝚆𝙸𝙻𝙻 𝙰𝙻𝚆𝙰𝚈𝚂 𝙷𝚄𝚁𝚃, 𝙸𝚃 𝚆𝙸𝙻𝙻 𝙰𝙻𝚆𝙰𝚈𝚂 𝙱𝙻𝙴𝙴𝙳 . or that’s what she’s heard the other children say, & she supposes she knows this better than anyone else she knows. ❛ 𝖠𝖱𝖤 𝖸𝖮𝖴 𝖮𝖪𝖠𝖸 ? ❜ THIS FRIGHTENS HER, LIKE A FERAL BACKED TO A CORNER. there is no more darkness once the light is on, & her own nails dig into her skin, but she smiles like the sky lit by the sun — her fears swallow under her tongue. / she does not worship an empty god, or a barren land of unholy. unwashed clothe, pristine song that won’t shudder from her lips, & she’s scared to speak a truth dripping from the fault of her lips. the light in her eyes shifts, her breath shivers within her chests, her fingers find purchase to the comfort that clings to her arms — she thinks to apologize ; his inconvenience is not a correlation she desires made to her presence, but she can’t aid the own itching under her skin, a redness rashed behind her ear. it is then her smile shakes, & she breathes a hum, a distinct discomfort in the way her mind permeates her slumber, the way lullabies warp into laughter shrieking, screaming, screeching. it twists to the way she abandoned her brother, to the way she’s reminded that her heart could be a bloody shattering — she never meant to be selfish, & the delusion sits in the simplicity of the nausea sitting at her gut ; or it could be from the way she eats as if she’s afraid to take.
𝙷𝙴'𝚂 𝚆𝙰𝙸𝚃𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙵𝙾𝚁 𝙰𝙽 𝙰𝙽𝚂𝚆𝙴𝚁 . her bones settle before the shell breaks, & she’s awkward. she is everything that includes a smaller timidness, but her smile is still there, still sincere in the warmth — her shoulders square to become the ground she holds to, if not anything else. ❛ i think i am. i just had a bad dream… ❜ her voice falls to a mumble, & her arms consider the way they wrap around her stomach a secret, a way to contain hunger without consumption. LIAR, YOU SHOULDN’T LIE TO THE SINGLE PERSON WHO TOOK YOU IN WITHOUT AN UNKIND MOTIVE. you expected nothing short of cruelty, a push without a tug, a glance without acknowledgement, but all he’s ever been was the kindest she’s ever felt. he is kinder than a memory, & the concern on his face almost alleviates the dysfunction, but it tinges the shades of pain before blossoming again. her face is a flushed rose, colored in embarrassment with the sound coming from her stomach. ❛ …but i’m hungry, i think. you wouldn’t mind if i ate now, right ? ❜ mumbled hum that drips from her lips, a shutting behind her irises.
