#decidophobia

[alice-the-kittycat-yt]

[hyperfixation-queen]

When you look up the definition of decidophobia in the dictionary it's just a picture of Chidi Anagonye from The Good Place

[pencil-peach]

Day 2: Decidophobia, the fear of making decisions

[keresem-az-utam]

Decidophobia

Félelem a döntéshozataloktól.

[viemina]

Decidophobia: Signs, Causes & How to Overcome It

You stand in front of a menu for ten minutes and still can’t choose. You delay a reply to an important email for days. You’ve been thinking about a decision for so long that the window for it has passed — and part of you feels relieved.

If this sounds like you, you’re not just indecisive. You may have something called decidophobia — a genuine, documented fear of making decisions that goes far beyond the ordinary anxiety most people feel when faced with difficult choices.

Understanding it is the first step toward changing it.

What Is Decidophobia?

Decidophobia is an intense, irrational fear of making decisions — including minor everyday ones like what to eat or what to wear, not just major life choices.

The term was coined by philosopher Walter Kaufmann in his 1973 book Without Guilt and Justice: From Decidophobia to Autonomy, where he described it as “the dread of making fateful decisions.” In modern psychology, it is classified as a specific phobia — a type of anxiety disorder characterized by a disproportionate fear of a specific situation or object that poses no real objective danger.

What distinguishes decidophobia from ordinary indecision is the level of distress involved and the way it disrupts daily functioning. Someone who takes time to think through an important choice is being thoughtful. Someone with decidophobia experiences genuine anxiety, sometimes panic, at the prospect of any decision and goes to significant lengths to avoid having to make them.

Signs and Symptoms of Decidophobia

Decidophobia can show up differently in different people, but the most common signs include:

1-Paralysis in front of choices

Even simple decisions — what to order, which route to take, what to reply to a message — produce disproportionate stress. You find yourself frozen, unable to commit, going back and forth without resolution.

2-Chronic avoidance

You delay decisions for as long as possible, hoping circumstances will change, someone else will decide, or the choice will become irrelevant on its own. Deadlines pass. Opportunities close. The avoidance provides short-term relief and long-term cost.

3-Seeking constant reassurance

You check with others — friends, family, anyone available — before making even small decisions to validate the choice. This isn’t gathering information. It’s outsourcing the responsibility of deciding because the possibility of being wrong feels intolerable.

Related: 15 Signs of a Controlling Friend — And When to Walk Away

4-Reliance on others to decide for you

In more significant cases, you may find yourself consistently deferring to whoever is nearby — a partner, a parent, a friend — allowing them to make choices that affect your own life. This can gradually erode your sense of autonomy and attract people who are comfortable making decisions on your behalf, which is not always in your best interest.

5-Physical anxiety symptoms

When faced with a significant decision, the body responds as if to a threat. Racing heart, shallow breathing, nausea, sweating, trembling, or tightness in the chest are all physical manifestations of the anxiety that accompanies severe decidophobia.

6-Catastrophizing outcomes

Every option feels loaded with potential for disaster. Minor decisions take on exaggerated weight. The worst-case scenario occupies your attention far more than any realistic assessment of what’s likely to happen.

7-Procrastination as a coping mechanism

Not all procrastination is laziness. For people with decidophobia, delaying a decision is a way of managing the anxiety attached to it. The delay provides temporary relief — but often results in the decision being made by default, in worse circumstances, or not at all.

8-Persistent rumination after deciding

Deciding doesn’t end the anxiety. After making a choice, you continue to review it — questioning whether you chose correctly, imagining how the other option might have gone, and replaying the decision until the next one arrives. The relief of having decided is brief if it comes at all.

Causes of Decidophobia

Understanding where decidophobia comes from matters because the cause often shapes the most effective approach to addressing it.

1-Perfectionism

Perfectionists set an implicit standard that the correct choice exists and must be found. Any decision carries the risk of being the wrong one — and being wrong, for a perfectionist, carries a high psychological cost. The result is analysis paralysis: the endless review of options without the ability to commit, because committing means accepting the possibility of imperfection….Read More

[denemeyenler]

Yanlış Karar Verme Korkusu

Bilim buna, Decidophobia, demiş.

          Yani kararsızlık... Çok zararsız görünen ama stres, kaygı bozukluğuna neden olan bir sorun. Elinizi kolunuzu bağlar, hareket etmenize izin vermez. Alsam mı almasam mı, yapsam mı yapmasam mı, sağ mı doğru, sol mu doğru... Bu ikilemler uzadıkça uzar ama altında hep korkular vardır.

           Her yanlış karar verme korkusunun altında aynı korku yatmıyor, korkular kişinin deneyimine göre değişiyor. Kişi bazen pişman olma korkusu, bazen zarar görme, hayal kırıklığına uğrama, verdiği karardan geri dönememe, yanlış seçimi telafi edememe gibi korkular taşır. Aslında temelde, bu korkuların dibinde yatan belirsizlik ve güvensizliktir, insan kendine güvenemediği için kararsızdır. O aldığı kararın (olumsuz) sonucunu taşıyabileceğine inanmaz, o gücü kendinde göremez, çünkü daha önce o sonucu taşıyamamış ve yeniden aynı şeyleri yaşamamak için kendine korkulardan bir koruma kalkanı örmüştür. Sonrası: ya yanlış kararlar alıp, kendi kendinize deneyiminizi güçlendirirsiniz ya da karar almaktan kaçarsınız..

          Tabi bu kararsızlık, korkular öyle birden peydah olmuyor, buna neden olan bir öyküsü, travması var. Bazen çok küçük ve basit bir olay diyebileceğiniz bir an bile, sizde bu izi bırakmış olabilir. Yeter ki onun ne olduğunu bilin. Bunu bilirseniz kendi şimdiki halinizle, o zamanki haliniz yan yana gelecek ve siz kendinizi şimdi ve öncesiyle daha net göreceksiniz. İşte tam o anda yeniden bakın.. o yanlış karar veren, yanlış seçim yapan kendinize bakın. Kaybettiğiniz neydi, hayatınızda aksi olsaydı nasıl olurdu? O yaşadığınız şeyde pişmanlığınız kendinizle mi ilgili yoksa dışardan aldığınız tepkiyle mi ilgili, kararınız sizin miydi yoksa başkasının kararına, tamam mı, demiştiniz...vs.. Bunun gibi sorular büyük resmi biraz daha net görmenizi sağlar. 

            Asıl sınav bu farkındalıktan sonra, bir karar verme eşiğinde başlıyor. O an kendinizi fark edin, yine ayağınız geri geri mi gidiyor, yine endişe mi sardı? Diyelim karar verdiniz, sonucu belli olana kadar endişe mi yaşıyorsunuz yada endişe ettiğiniz sonuç için delil mi arıyorsunuz.. 

Sorun kendinize;

      *Kararın sonucu olumsuz olsa en fazla ne kaybederim? 

      *Bunu taşıyacak güce sahip miyim, sahip değilsem neden öyle hissediyorum?

     En fazla ne kaybederim?

           Tüm bu fark ettiklerinizden sonra hadi bir deneme yapın. Gözlerinizi kapatın ve hayal edin. En zorlandığınız kararı verin, ve korkularınızı tek tek gerçekleştirin. Hatta çitayı yükseltin ve kendinizi gözlemleyin, duygularınızı izleyin. Kararınız olumsuz sonuçlandığında ne yapıyorsunuz? Çaresiz, üzgün, pişman mısınız yoksa kendinizi çözüm bulacak yada yolunuza devam edecek güçte mi hissediyorsunuz? 

          Tüm bunlar sizinle ve olay-durumları karşıladığınız duygularla ilgilidir ve çözümü de yine sizin kendi sınırlarınızı kırmanızla, güçlü olduğunuzu kabul etmenizle başlar..

           Benim olay örgümde tam tersi bir durum yerleşmişti. Ortaokuldaydım ve meslek liselerine giriş sınavı için belge dağıtıyorlardı. Ben bir karar verdim ve sınava girmeyeceğim, dedim ve belge almadım. Bunu babam öğrenince çok kızmıştı ama kızmasının temelinde, "hayatının fırsatını kaybettin, tüm geleceğini çöpe attın, artık böyle bir imkanın olmayacak.. bitti! " temasıydı. Bu bende öyle bir pişmanlık ve acı yarattı ki tüm gün kendime kızıp ağladığımı hatırlıyorum. Hissettiklerim öyle derindi ki.. çözümü yoktu, geri dönülemezdi, kaybetmiştim ve bu benim yanlış kararım yüzünden olmuştu, hayatımın fırsatı kaybolmuş, geleceğim çöp olmuştu... 

           Derken o gün bugündür bende hep bir fırsatları kaçırma korkusu, hayatımı mahvedecek kararlar alma korkusu oldu. Ve ne yazık ki aldığım kararlar da benim için hep hüzün oluyordu, bu da korkularımı perçinliyordu. 

            Sonunda kaynağı bulup kökene inince çok üzüldüm. O kızın, yani benim, meslek lisesine girmeyişine sevindim. Motor meslek yada elektronik seçenekleri zaten hayalim değildi. Aslında kaybettiğim hiçbir şey olmamıştı, kaybı babam yaşamıştı, o benim kararımı yanlış bulmuş ben de onu onaylamıştım. Asıl önemlisi bu kararı benim olarak kabul ettikten sonra aldığım kararlarda güvensizlik yaşamamdı. Kendimi iradesiz, güçsüz hissetmeme neden olmuştu. 

            Tam o anda “karar verme” durumuna bakış açımı değiştirdim. Kararım ne olursa olsun, sonucunda ben yeni şeyler öğrenecektim... biraz daha büyüyecektim. Her yanlış kararım bana doğru karar verme yolunda deneyim kazandıracaktı. Aslında öyle de oluyordu. Kaybedince kazanmayı öğreniyorduk, çünkü zaten bir kere kaybetmiştik... 

O zaman yanlış karar, yanlış olur muydu?

Artık daha rahat yürüyebilirdik, düşmekten korkmadan...

* çünkü kalkmayı öğrenmiştik...

[akshada11chavan]

Do you suffer from Decidophobia

Walter Kaufmann, Princeton University philosopher coined the term decidophobia in his 1973 book “Without Guilt and Justice” in which he wrote about the phenomenon at length. The cause of decidophobia is usually a bad experience with decision making in the childhood, or to be ruled by a dominating person from childhood. Such a person suffers low self esteem and prefers maintaining status quo of whatever the dominating or strong person says or does. Decidophobia makes a person dependable on others for even making small decisions in life. We make an average 35,000 conscious decisions a day as adults, and children make approximately 3,000 decisions a day! These figures are based on multiple sources on the Internet. Some of our decisions are impulsive and some are logical. So you see we make decisions practically each moment in a day. Some are quick, some are simple, and some are difficult, each decision, no matter big or small, can affect our life in long run. But, it’s important to make decision based on our own instinct. If we depend on someone else’s notion to made decisions of our life, some day the dependency costs us hell of a lot. Making choices and decisions are an important element of life. Based on our decisions life unfolds, with its twists and turns. Some decisions might be correct and some wrong, some might start a new chapter and some might just stop things. Some decisions bring fascination in life and some baffle us to no end. From childhood to adulthood a person masters the art of decision making. Some people can just dive into life and do what is necessary with eagerness and excitement while others get paralyzed at the thought of having to step up to anything that might require taking action. Whether we like it or not, we need to take umpteen decisions in life….some good, some bad and some ugly. Our instincts are based on our mental, physical and spiritual wellbeing. But, we see lot people in our lives that depend for small, small decisions on somebody else. Indeed, some people are so dependent on others because they feel that their lives are out of their control. The dependency can be for anybody; it can be a sibling, children, parent, spouse, friend, a boss, a neighbour, it can be anybody. But, these dependent people feel lost, confused while taking vital decisions. And, the worst part is a person gets lost, demoralised when the person on whom he/she depends, goes away from life. I have seen this very closely: these two sisters were very close to each other, the younger sister who is single, was completely dependent on her elder sister in all of her decision making, for even the smallest of decisions. Small decisions such as which colour dress to buy, what cost, from whereat to buy; what to cook, how much to cook; which doctor to visit in case of ailment, whether to go to doctor or to take home remedy; where to invest her salary, how much to spend, how much to save …….the list is big. Recently, when the elder sister passed away, this younger sister felt a big void in life, so much so that she started feeling hallucinated about her sister’s presence. To be your own person you undoubtedly require independence of thought, feeling, and actions. You must think, feel, and act without terribly relying on others to give you directions in your life. Though as humans we are social animals, and we cannot live in vacuum, one thing is crystal clear that we eat, educate, and earn a living for ourselves. So, being independent does not mean that you live outside cultural, social, and legal boundaries; social conformity is essential, but not at the cost of independent thinking, independent decision making. Often we get tempted to depend on a person or people in our relationships. But the key is to not become vulnerable; we must learn to play our role with clarity. Too much of dependability only weakens our daily decision making without somebody’s advice and support. We get habituated to leaning on others easily. Dependable people need others to assume responsibility for many major areas of life. They have difficulty to disagree and to contradict with others out of fear. They get used to other’s dictating their life. Dependent people fear exposure; they become shy, and hate confrontation of any sort. They literally live in a shell. They don’t like meeting and mixing with others, and overall have weaknesses of public display. Slowly, such people avoid failure by evading of taking any initiative. They limit their interactions to such an extent that they run away from any interactions where they need making some decisions. They feel anxious or distressed when alone or when thinking about being alone. These weak people often expect the worst. They do not feel capable of living their own lives without others. For them, facing problems becomes overwhelming. Dependent people wholeheartedly believe in Murphy’s Law: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. The concept was coined and named after Capt. Edward A. Murphy; an engineer working on Air Force Project MX981, (a project) designed to see how much sudden deceleration (reduction in speed rate) a person can stand in a crash. It is we who keep using the adage when things go out of control. Weak people make themselves responsible when bad things happen. Because, they don’t trust themselves, they don’t respect themselves therefore, they feel guilty for mistakes. Even if the conclusion is unreasonable, they take the blame for all wrongdoing, event, and circumstances. This they do because they feel responsible for fulfilling the expectations of others. In dependency, the dependent person adopts the expectations of the other person as their own. So when the dependent person fails, they fail to meet not only the expectations of the other person but also their own. Each failure strengthens the dependent person’s destructive judgment of self. Dependent people have a high need for validation and approval from others. They crave for validation badly; such a person naively creates or defends personal boundaries. The only real boundary a dependent person has is to be within the boundary of a desired relationship. Apart from that, all other personal boundaries are fluid and flexible in order to maintain the desired relationship. An eagerness to negotiate personal boundaries for a relationship creates helplessness. There are the cunning and crafty people out there who only exploit this type of vulnerability. They are all-too-willing to find out how much a dependent person can be exploited. Some rich people leave a big fortune for their children behind them, who have never taken decisions of their own; such people get exploited after their parents exit the world. They inherit family fortune and then they get exploited by wicked people around them. If you or some near and dear is suffering from decidophobia, get rid of it as immediate as possible. If required take professional help without hesitation.

[tphobias-blog]

Decidophobia, n. the fear and/or dislike of decision making or taking a decision. #decidophobia #decisions #deciding #decisionmaking #phobia #TPhobias