I lived most of my life taking in one day at a time with no worries and thoughts about the future. In fact the future didn't scare me at all. Some days I wanted to be an astronaut, other days a doctor and so on. I did what my parents told me to do and what I had to be in the future. My mother used to say when I was in 10th grade that "10th grade is your turning point in life" when I was 12th grade, she told me " 12th grade is your turning point in life" and she said the same thing when I was in college too.
But for me, a stage show in Austin was my turning point in life. The man in middle (picture below) is one of the famous actor/comedian in the Mollywood industry (consider it as a sub-division on Bollywood) despite the way he looks in this (considering he did two shows on the same day in Austin and Dallas).
Growing up outside of India, I didn't have chances to meet big stars or see their live stage shows. So when my dad told me and my brother to go watch the stage show in Austin starring Deelip and other actors/actresses, was the most excited and wonderful miracle that happened to me.
So this is what happened that day:
After the show was over around 11pm, me and bunch of other kids were excitedly waiting to meet the actor outside the door that led to backstage which was guarded by two big guys. After an hour long of waiting, one of the bodyguard told us that the actors has already left and that we wouldn't be able to meet them. Upon hearing this, everyone left the auditorium and so did the guards who left through backstage. As a curious person, I was, I decided to go after the bodyguards to backstage quietly with my camera in my hand. Well the backstage was clear, not a sign of a single person not even a crew member. Sad and defeated, I exited through the back door that was left open. When I came out, I was a bus that was lighted inside with the closed door. Realizing that guards had lied and the actors hasn't left.
But FEAR stopped me from moving forward to have the courage to knock on that door. I paced back and forth 5 times on the side of that bus with shaking hands to summon courage to knock on that door. But I WAS SCARED, I FEARED that the managers or the actors themselves would tell me to go away and wouldn't grant my request to meet and take pictures with them. And also that thought of meeting such big stars scared me as well.
With my head low, I left the area and went back to meet my brother and our friends. On our way back home, our friend shows me this photo (below ) with him, Deelip and my brother. I don't have words to explain how I felt the moment when I saw the photo.I was sad, angry, outraged, pissed off, furious, enraged at myself and to a point i just wanted to cry. At that moment I hated myself for not having the courage to knock on that door and ask even if there was a possibility I would or wouldn't have kicked out. That night was my life's turning point and my biggest regret in my life.
Since then, I never was the old me, who took life as they came and dreamed whatever I wanted or did whatever people told me to do. I started have dreams with a new destinations and worked toward to go that path. Since then I never questioned myself when I wanted to something. I chose to do things that people told me were impossible for me to do. And whenever someone says that something is impossible for me to do, I make it my life to prove them wrong or die trying.
I started with modeling, took the courage to confess to a guy that I loved, acting and also started singing again on stage (to which I had a bad experience and had stage fright to do solo). I started to do things MY WAY. I carry a personal quote that reminds me of that night and every time things don't go as planned or I start backing off from my dream (to be a Mollywood actress), I say to myself "Don't do What If's and Don't do Regrets."
