Give Me The Reason - Defender!Strange x Reader
Paring: Defender!Strange x Sorcerer F!Reader
Word Count: 4,221
Description: After a year of Stephen constantly prioritizing his work, Y/N finally hits a breaking point in their relationship.
Request: Defender or Main Stephen based on “Give Me The Reason,” by James Bay.
Requested by: @frostandflamesfanfic 💙
Other Things: Same couple as Affections and Wardrobe Mixup, early in their relationship/pre-marriage. Can be read separate to both of those. Angst to fluff.
Warnings: Some swearing. Angsty, but with a happy ending. Breakup/get back together. Alluding to depression. Mildly suggestive at the end.
Masterlist
“I know the universe full of people is important Stephen,” Y/N seethes, angry tears running down her cheeks. “But I thought I at least ranked somewhere in the top fucking five most important things to you.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, of course you matter to me,” he snaps back.
“Then why am I always last? Not every problem in the entire universe is your duty to fix,” her fists clench and unclench. “Duties to Kamar-Taj, the Sanctum, and the Defenders I understand, but everything broken in the universe is not your problem.”
“We all have to make sacrifices in the grand scheme of protecting our universe and the multiverse Y/N. I’m putting my life on the line every day, and you just have to deal with me not being around as often. It’s hardly that big an issue compared to an entire planet being wiped out or multiverse beasts pouring into our universe.”
“So my feelings aren’t valid to you?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Yes you fucking did. My feelings and issues aren’t as important as the big important missions you have. All I have to deal with is you not being around as much as I would like huh? Try spending weeks on end constantly checking your phone just hoping to see a text. Just one little sign that the person you love is even alive. But every time there’s nothing there. Night after night alone, clutching a t-shirt to your chest and crying into your pillow because you’re certain this time was the time. The time they won’t come back. Hitting call again and again and getting voicemail. Then finally you come back, toss some things on the dresser, give me a kiss, then race off to Kamar-Taj for days where you still barely say a word to me.
“And you just seem to conveniently forget I’m the one picking up all the classes you have to miss teaching last minute in addition to my own. I’m the one everyone is coming to with issues because you’re off wherever the fuck you are. Defenders calling me up asking for you and when you’ll be back, and if I can be the one to drop by the help them with something. Other Masters coming to me to ask for permissions or questions on things because some how I fucking became your second and secretary.”
“No one asked you to do any of those things, I certainly didn’t,” he snaps out, turning his back to her with his arms crossed. “You can’t blame me for you choosing to take on extra duties and worrying about me.”
“Choosing to worry about you Stephen? Are you serious right now?” She grabs his shoulder to turn him back toward her but he fights against it. “I worry about you and take all all these extra duties to hold things together because I love you, and I know you’re out there risking your life. But if you really don’t give a fuck why am I even bothering then?”
“I was asking that question myself.”
Going silent, she wipes roughly at the tears running down her cheeks and presses her lips into a tight line, “Fine. I won’t any longer. Goodbye Stephen.”
Staring at the fireplace in front of him as he hears her footsteps fade away, flinching at the amount of force behind the slamming front door.
Rubbing his temples, he drops himself into a chair and sighs heavily when he hears the sound of new footsteps approaching.
“That was incredibly stupid Strange,” Wong says and sets a cup of tea next to the sorcerer. “Her tone sounded rather final.”
“I don’t have time for relationships anyways,” he mumbles and unwraps his armguards. “It was foolish to get involved with her at all. I don’t have time for that nonsense.”
“‘That nonsense’ is a woman that loves you. Despite the fact you’re constantly gone, that you don’t realize half the things she does for you, and speak to her like that,” he states matter-of-factly. “Being Sorcerer Supreme doesn’t mean you can’t devote any of your time to people you care about. You’re still a human being separate to the title.”
“I don’t have time outside of the title.”
“Because you always insist that it’s you going out to solve every problem that could easily be handled by a Master, or that isn’t even our problem in the first place. You always have to be the one handling it.”
The familiar phrase causes a frown to spread across Stephen’s face, “Maybe it’s just who I am Wong.”
“I think you could learn to work on that, but you do what you see fit,” Wong says before heading toward the hall he came from.
“I’ll speak with her tomorrow at Kamar-Taj,” he groans at his friend.
-
Three months.
Three long months since Stephen let Y/N walk out the front door of the sanctum after their argument. And three months since any of them had seen or heard from her.
He’d assumed even though she was cross with him, that she would still go to Kamar-Taj for her own duties. And other than the Sanctum, it was the only place he could think she would be staying. But according to every person there he asked, she hadn’t been back since she left with him that day.
He decided to give her one week to calm down. After a week she had to come back. She had classes to teach. She was a sorcerer, she loved what she did. She simply needed a break.
After a week of hearing nothing, he’d tried to call and found he went to voicemail after one ring. Attempting it with Wong’s phone, he got the same result. Time and time again with each phone he asked to borrow, just one single ring then voicemail.
So he texted her. Near the beginning just asking where she was, why she wasn’t reporting for her duties. And as weeks passed and the panic raised in his chest, the more frantic his messages got. Begging her to let him know she’s safe. To just acknowledge his message. But nothing.
After one month of nothing, he started calling all the contacts he could think of that might know where she went, that might have heard something. Not a single one had heard anything.
As he continued his search for her, how much she really had done for him also became blatantly obvious. The mission reports piled on his desk. Classes taught by himself and her had to be covered. His office seemed to be a revolving door parade of questions. His phone also seemed to be constantly pinging or ringing with something.
Between trying to complete missions, run Kamar-Taj, run the Defenders, teach, handle paperwork, answer questions, and continue his search for her; he rarely found time to sleep. Or eat. Or anything else.
By the time the third month rolled around, the man staring back at him in the mirror looked hollow. His eyes looked sunken in, the bags under them a permanent fixture on his face. The skin there now more taunt than before, his facial hair grown out in a thoughtless mess, and his hair dull and barely managed. The typical shiny hair sleeked back into a neat ponytail rarely saw a brush at that point. He ran his fingers through the mess each morning and shoved it into a messy ponytail or bun before tugging on his boots and trudging off to his office at Kamar-Taj.
While medically he knew his heart still beat the same; it felt like it beat sluggishly in his chest. Slower and slower each passing day since she walked out of his life.
He had his duties, the masters. his students, the Defenders. Yet he felt empty. Like he had nothing left.
Taking a seat at his desk, he pulls out his phone to once again send her his daily text.
“I’m sorry. I love you… please come home. Even if you don’t want me. Just come back to Kamar-Taj. I just need to know you’re safe. I just need to see you.”
Tapping to send the message, he switches over to his photo album app, quickly tapping the folder of pictures of them. She’d made it on his phone while he was busy one day. At the time he hadn’t thought much of it, why he’d need an entire album on his phone of just photos and videos of them. But it now became the main battery drain on the device with how often he flicked through the photos.
It was the sweetest torture. Reliving the happy memories, all the moments he took for granted. And knowing he was the reason there wouldn’t be anymore.
Stopping on a photo, he slides his thumb across it wistfully. It was a completely average day. Nothing magical, nothing multi-dimensional or multi-versal. They’d just gone for coffee and a walk in Central Park.
But it was a beautiful day, free of worry and responsibility. Just the feeling of her hand in his.
He’d taken the photo himself, stopped at a crosswalk he’d pulled his phone out and pulled her to his side. She wasn’t even looking at the camera, but even in the photo he could see the way her eyes sparkled as she looked at him and laughed. He’d forgone the ponytail that day and the wind had kicked up, making a flurry of hair in their faces as he tried to take the photo.
Both of them smiled and looked exceedingly happy for a simple day off and a bad hair day in the wind.
When was the last time he’d even taken the time to do something like that with her? He racked his brain for an answer, but couldn’t seem to pinpoint their last date. Even just a casual one.
Their lives had revolved around work for nearly the past year. Maybe he’d grown too comfortable? Seemingly he’d stopped trying to win her over and let himself slip into just working constantly at some point. Even their quick moments in his office had dwindled to nearly nothing before she had left.
Swiping past the picture, a video of the two of them dancing in the refrigerator light late at night starts to play. She’d filmed it on her phone, setting the device on the counter as they giggled and he spun her around the Sanctum kitchen in their pajamas. At some point she swiped the phone from the counter and pointed it up at his face as he swayed them around.
Her laugh coming from behind the camera, “I loooooove you Stephen.”
“And I looooove you Y/N,” he responds, sticking his tongue out and making a silly face at the camera.
Her laughter as the video ends makes his heart ache. It was a beautiful sound, and he realized it had been far more than three months since he last heard it.
Setting his phone down on his desk, he finally feels the tears he’d been holding back begin to drip down his face. Swiping through the pictures in the album quickly, he chokes back the sob rising in his throat. The last photo he even had of them was dated almost nine months ago. How hadn’t he noticed what was happening until it was too late?
A loud knock on his door tears him from his thoughts making Stephen turn his chair away from the entrance and attempt to wipe his tears away, “Yes? Who is it?”
The door creaks open with the sound of footsteps approaching his desk, “Message for you sir.”
“Which is?”
“Master Y/L/N wanted me to inform you that she’s handling her class today, you need not worry about it.”
Spinning back around in the chair quickly, he slams his hands down on the desk and stares the apprentice down, “Master Y/L/N? You are entirely sure of that?”
“Yes sir, she arrived fifteen minutes ago and asked me to bring you this message,” the young man’s eyes widen in surprise at the Sorcerer Supreme’s reddened eyes and tear-streaked cheeks.
“Where is she right now?” he demands, standing from his desk.
“Getting prepared for the class in the courtyard with the other masters I believe,” he responds dutifully and tilts his head. “Are you ok sir?”
Rounding his desk and nearly knocking the apprentice over, he rushes out of his office heading toward the outskirts of the courtyard training grounds. His eyes quickly scanning over the group of masters in the center, his chest tightening as he sees her.
A smile on her face as she talks with her fellow masters, spinning a practice staff in her hands.
As a bell tolls, they separate and she heads to her corner of the training grounds, her students excitedly cheering for her return.
“Settle settle,” she chuckles as they all get back to their starting positions. “It couldn’t have been that bad with me gone.”
“You’re the best combat teacher,” one apprentice shouts confidently. “And I’ve been practicing like crazy, you have to see where I’m at now!”
“I look forward to seeing where each of you are now,” she smiles and looks at each of her students. “I’m thinking we’ll pair you all up, and you can each show me what you got?”
As the students scatter into pairs, Y/N begins to circle around them, giving tips and compliments on their forms and technique.
Stephen quietly slid down the wall of the building behind him to take a seat nearby her class, his eyes glued to her as she taught. Fearing that if he looked away even for a moment she’d disappear again. Just her voice alone soothing the ache in his chest.
He needed to speak with her. But how does he even approach her? After their last conversation… they clearly were no longer together. And he’d been an absolute ass.
He was still technically her leader. He could easily approach her with duties for Kamar-Taj, but that just felt wrong. He couldn’t ignore everything that happened.
In what seems like minutes, the next bell tolls signaling the end of the hour long session. Pulling himself to his feet as the student exit the courtyard, he slowly makes his way toward her. Pausing a few feet away as he realizes two other masters had come over to speak to her, he shifts awkwardly and fiddles with his arm guards.
One of the masters glances up to see him, and leans over to say something to the master beside him. Both nod farewells to Y/N after a moment, one sending him a reassuring smile.
“Are you just going to stare at me all day?” She calls out after they’re out of earshot.
Cringing uncomfortably, he finally steps toward her, “I was starting to think you wouldn’t come back.”
“Yeah well-” she begins angrily before turning toward him. Her eyes widen and the words die on her tongue as she looks him over.
“I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to start this with another fight,” he says softly, his hand still fidgeting with his arm guard.
Sighing heavily, she takes a few steps closer to him and scrutinizes his face, “What have you done to yourself?”
“What?”
“You look awful,” she responds with a frown.
“Apologies.”
“Don’t apologize for that!” she snaps and rubs her temples. “Did you need something?”
“Would you be willing to talk?”
“Isn’t that what we’re doing now?”
“More extensively, in my office,” he explains.
She frowns and continues to look him over before nodding, surging ahead of him as she heads for his office.
After they both slip into the room, he closes the door behind them and walks toward the front of his desk.
“I had planned on just being very professional with you,” she mutters and crosses her arms. “Sorcerer Supreme, yes sir, here’s the reports. Already broken that.”
“I’m happy for it,” he admits softly. “Anger is better than indifference.”
“Is it?”
“Means you didn’t just forget about me.”
“No, that’s your job. To forget my existence.”
Stephen flinches at her words, hanging his head sadly, “I deserved that.”
“You did. Now what did you want to say to me?”
“I’m sorry.”
“You’ve already said that. For nothing that you should actually be apologizing for.”
“For everything,” he insists quietly. “I’m sorry for everything.”
“Vague as shit, and not helping Stephen.”
“You’re number one,” he finally admits. “It took me too long to realize that. You’re the most important in my life, and I wasn’t treating you that way. You deserved so much better than I gave you.”
“Don’t,” she responds, turning away from him. “I don’t want to hear things we both know you don’t mean.”
Going around her to face her again he reaches out slowly to tilt her face up toward his own, her eyes finally meeting his, “I mean it. I know I have a lot of responsibilities and things I’m doing, but you, you’re the only thing that really means something to me. Our relationship is the one thing that I wasn’t doing because I felt I had to, the only thing that I desperately want. The only thing that keeps me going.”
“You broke my heart Stephen.”
“I… I know. I don’t have an excuse,” he sighs. “I could make up thousands, but there’s no excuse for what I’ve done. I was an idiot and I didn’t realize how much this meant to me until too late. How much you mean to me. You tried to tell me and give me a chance to fix things, and I spoke to you terribly.”
“Y-you don’t even have time for me,” she retorts and tears her chin from his grasp, turning slightly away from him.
“I’ll make time, I can delegate more. I can stop chasing everything. Just… give it one more try. Give me one last chance. Please.”
“Give me one good reason why I should give this another shot?” she asks as her head turns to search his face. “One reason I should overlook a year of being ignored and you speaking to me that way.”
Sinking to his knees in front of her, he takes her hands in his and swallows hard as he looks up, “Because I love you, I can and I will treat you far better than I did. I can’t give any better reason than that. That I love you desperately, life without you is dull and miserable. I want you, I need you in my life. ”
“How do I know I can trust what you’re saying?” She asks softly, her own eyes blinking away tears.
“You… don’t,” he admits after a moment. “You have to trust that I’ll do what I’m saying, and I’ve done nothing to make you trust that I will.”
After a few moments of silence he points toward his desk, “Look at my phone.”
“Your phone?”
“It’s on there, I left my office as soon as I got your message and forgot about it. Just look at it,” he presses, releasing her hands as she takes a step toward the desk.
Carefully picking up his phone, her face softens as she looks at the screen, “A picture of us?”
“I was going through the album you made me,” he says. “I do it every day. I want to make you that happy again, I want us to be that happy again.
“I do too,” she admits slowly, her thumb swiping through the pictures in the album as a small smile graces her lips. “We did look very happy.”
“We were that happy.”
Setting his phone back down, she turns around and steps toward him, cupping his jaw in her hands as she looks down at him, “Why aren’t you taking care of yourself?”
He shrugs gently as he nuzzles into her palm, grateful for her touch, “I haven’t cared to. Duties and looking for you have taken all my time. I can’t sleep in that bed without you unless I’m on the verge of passing out. I haven’t felt hungry, only been really eating when Wong forces food at me I suppose.”
Her thumbs stroke gently over his cheeks before releasing him and gesturing toward his desk, “Go sit in your chair.”
Nodding at her stiffly, he climbs to his feet and crosses the room, sitting back in his chair as she circles around him.
She bends down to slide open his bottom drawer and pulls out a brush then slips his hair tie from his hair. Running the brush through his hair, she stops a few times to carefully untangle a knot with her fingers
“We need to get you a new conditioner, and get you eating a normal diet again,” she comments as she starts to massage his scalp gently. “It’s a crime against humanity what you’ve done to your hair, really.”
“We?” he asks hopefully.
“Picked up on that part huh?” she chuckles and drops her fingers from his hair to lean his chair backwards until he’s looking up at her. “I might be willing to give us a chance again… on certain conditions.”
“Which are?” he asks as he looks up at her.
“If you talk to me like that again, I’m done. If you don’t actually listen to me telling you how I’m feeling and just dismiss me, I’m done. If within a year, I don’t see you actually making the effort to disperse things, delegate tasks to the other masters and Defenders, take care of yourself, and take care of our relationship, I’m done. And I don’t mean just for a few months. From now on. I don’t mean you have to drop all your work for me, I understand you’re busy. But you have to stop doing everything yourself. If you don’t think you can do those things then I don’t even want to start again.”
“I can do that, I will do that,” he responds firmly, nodding up at her as she leans in closer to him.
“And I’ll tell you things bothering me sooner, admittedly I waited until I was at a breaking point.”
“So am I yours again?” he asks quietly as she smirks down at him, her hands cupping his cheeks.
“You tell me Stephen, are you mine?” She presses several soft kisses along his jaw as he groans in response.
“Completely and totally,” he sighs as his eyes drift shut and she presses kisses to both his eyelids. “Kiss me, please.”
“What am I doing now then?” She teases, pressing a kiss to the edge of his mouth.
Her fingers thread back through his hair, giving it a rough tug and pulling a groan from his lips in response and causing him to shift in his seat.
“Someone’s desperate,” she adds as she strokes her thumb along his bottom lip.
“You’ve been gone for months,” he whines, sticking his tongue out to run across her fingertip.
Tilting him back further, she grips his chin tightly and hungrily presses her lips to his. Her lips move against his roughly as his hands reach up to hold her own head in his hands, desperate to feel her further in some way.
Her fingers gently tug at his hair again, a small gasp parting his lips enough for her to flick her tongue against his own and swallow the groan that follows.
Pulling back for air, Y/N chuckles at the whimper leaving Stephen as their lips part, “I guess you did miss me.”
“More than you could ever imagine,” he admits as his tongue lazily runs across his lips, sending a chill up her spine.
“As much as I’d enjoy taking you apart here in your office, I believe we both have some work to take care of first,” she says as she slips from his grasp and deftly smoothes his hair back into a ponytail and wraps his hair band back around it.
“I thought we were taking more time for us, less time on work,” he grumbles unhappily, reaching out to grab her wrist.
“Oh I thoroughly expect that, but we both each have a class left to teach, I’d imagine you have some kind of meeting, and I need to inform everyone that I’m back,” she answers as she reaches for his other wrist and pulls him up from his chair.
Slipping in closer to her, he immediately wraps his arms around her waist and presses his hips into hers as her eyes darken a touch, “You want to leave me like this all day?”
Reaching her hand up to pat his cheek, she smirks at him, “Consider it as motivation to finish on time tonight.”
Grunting in response, he presses his forehead to hers, “You’ll be at the Sanctum tonight?”
“I was planning on going back to our bed if that’s alright with you?”
“Not only is it entirely alright, I insist,” he says and presses a kiss to her nose. “But fair warning, once we’re in the Sanctum tonight, I don’t intend on letting you go until tomorrow.”
“Who said I intended on going anywhere? Sounds like exactly where I want to be Strange.”
----
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