there is no fking doubt about it folks
i am fUcking gay
college has SUCc’d the gay out of me. i am so gaypop deprived ghh haven’t done the things i usually do (aka drawing, tumblr, listening to kpop..still haven’t watched wow thing :(., eating.. asian food fuck i miss it;;) bc im out and about trying to make it in this straight ass world but ANYWAY if anyone is reading this which lmao probably no one let’s be real ya girl’s been on hiatus for a hot Second (month in PST) My Dumb Ass has fallen in love and I didn’t think it would be like this and i swear to god i talked to her for like an accumulation of maybe 10 minutes over a course of 3 Interactions but i sweat my ass for the rest of the day. I wanted to curl up and like clench my heart a little bit;; y’know us gays love that soulmate shit.
Anyway, I went on this accidental date with this korean guy (4 hour thing;; which alas, is another tale) and FUCK! now i know now I fucking know..
i don’t know if i just have these gay goggles on and like I am a !fool! for thinking that ! she might like girls? and that I can? ? ?get to ? know her? but this might be self-contradictory but i? haven’t felt this strongly before in a long Time and i talked to her for ?? 3 snail seconds?
okay but hear me the fuck out and my hopeless romantic garbage, we were exiting this building.. (we as in.. her and I & this irrelevant dude lmfao) and the guy asked an open question about how we thought about the campus so far and i fucking caught her eyes (on accident?idk i just looked at her cause u know;; i thought she was going to respond LMAO) and dead fucking ass she just stared back and .. no one answered the guy LMFAO. like there wasn’t an immediate reply, it was silent for a good 4 seconds b/c we were just looking at eachother? it was as if the question wasn’t asked/ we ignored the question?? LMAO or we just mentally edited him out for a moment.
why? what does that fucking mean!!! it wasn’t even like a chuckle after or something to break the stare.. . like.. normal people behavior (you know when you’re just staring off into the distance and accidentally catch someone’s eyes, u realize you’re staring so u immediately look away bc lmao what the fuck--standard courtesy of a stranger gaze). anyway! i couldn’t look away!! and she didn’t either FUCK fuck! it was an awkward fucking silence. i could write more about her eyes but like.. yeah yikes maybe not LMAO anyway yeah lol. pretty compelling evidence of a Cccosmic connection (jokes...) you already know this is some gay conundrum. maybe it was all in my head or my heart, and it was nothing to her! idk. big oof. you know how there’s those tumblr success stories where op 4 months later updates with:: we’re dating now, like SHIT that would be the d r e a m.
anyway i’m going to ask if she wants to hang out & grab drinks.. or study or somethin’ and see how that goes.pullin’ out my confidence chops w/o simultaneously combusting.. doing that wednesday night! will update when i realize i am a fool and it was all for naught! (^: i have a midterm in a few hours, hope i don’t botch it bc i thought it’d be good idea to be gay at 1 am.